Much like a housecleaning effort on Facebook, there comes a time when we are forced to make the tough decision to end friendships and/or relationships.
Some people can weigh us down and prevent us from being the best version of ourselves, or others can be so toxic, that it's better to just cut our losses.
It's not always an easy decision to make, but downsizing can be the best-case scenario.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor NecessaryJacket4051 asked:
"People who have cut other people out, what was the final nail in the coffin?"
Friends can gradually grow distant, or be completely annoying.
"A friend I had in high-school and college became incredibly needy. We went to two different universities and lived in two different states and made a deal to call each other every week to catch up. They started to make poor decisions in their post-grad life which became an endless 'am I the a**hole' conversation where I became their confessor and forgiver but was never able to share anything about my own life."
"Things became bad for me, but despite me being there constantly for them, they couldn't return the favor. It came to a point where I got sick, missed one of their phone calls and they started to call me incessantly while I slept. The kind where they call you 20 times in a 5 minute span and leave messages from caring and concern 'hey where are you?' to 'I hate you, you don't care about me!' crap."
"Anywho, I was given the ultimatum of either never speaking to them again or calling them back and begging for forgiveness. Easiest choice I ever made. 8+ year friendship gone in an instant and I never once felt bad or looked back."
The Guilt Trip
"My first year of university I found out my mum had a lesion in the centre of her brain and the amount of fluid and pressure on her skull required immediate treatment. She was in hospital recieving treatment for weeks while I tried to navigate my studies and living away from home for the first time. I was a mess of anxiety and stress for months."
"During this time one of my very close friends continually got angry at me for not giving her enough attention despite never contacting me to check on my mothers situation or how I was coping. But I was expected to check in on her constantly and initiate all contact. I just deleted her number and unfriended her."
The Reluctant Chauffeur
"A friend asked me to drive him to a party."
"The party was at least a 4 hour drive (two states away), he couldn't pay for gasoline, and the hosts might give me a place to sleep. I was a college student who could barely afford gas to get to school."
"Everything about this sounded shady and one-sided, especially when he blew-off my questions. We didn't talk after that phone call - and nothing of value was lost."
"This happened in the early 90s, so no modern trip planning was available. No GPS, no Mapquest, and cellphones were expensive to use."
Dealing with inheritance can sure bring out the ugly in people.
"When my relatives on my mom’s side of the family not only took every possession she owned except some of her clothes, but also wanted to take my mom’s social security benefits after she passed away from cancer."
"My youngest sibling was only 12/13 when she passed so those benefits would help my dad raise my sibling. My relatives didn’t think my dad was a good father ever since my mom and dad divorced (mom cheated on my dad)."
"My uncle threatened to come over to our state to kick my husband’s a** and call the cops on me when I managed to get my mom’s SS funds transferred to my dad."
"Edit to add: To this day, I don’t know where my mom is buried as her family took her ashes and didn’t tell either me, my siblings, or my dad the location of her gravesite."
"After our father died, my two half sisters started harassing my one full sister about the inheritance. She was the one left in charge of it all, but was taking his death the hardest and having trouble getting through the paperwork."
"They were ruthless and made her feel horrible when she was already struggling. At the same time they would turn around and be totally nice to me because I’m the baby of the family and (despite me also being an adult at the time) they didn’t want to 'get me involved.'"
"Once the estate was settled I cut them out of my life completely. I’ll never forgive them for how they treated my other sister, and over money. Our father would be ashamed."
When your spouse isn't appreciated by family, who should you be most loyal to?
These Redditors had to make a decision that was actually very easy.
"My mother, brother, and sister are all incredibly toxic people, but I never cut them out 'because they're family.' Then the sh*t really hit the fan when I was getting married. At our Jack&Jill party, my mother was taking tons of pictures (as expected), but they were of me and my brother, me and my dad, just me, me my brother and my dad, etc. She didn't want my wife in any of them. I spoke up and said that my future wife should be in these pictures. It's her wedding day too. My wife, who was understandably upset, walked away from the weird photography session."
"My wife and I decide to go to the backyard area and hang out with her cousin and step brother. My cousin and his gf join us. Things get more fun, we're joking around, and having a good time. Then my mom and brother come outside extremely drunk (it was like 3 PM). My mom starts by taking more pictures without the bride in them, so I speak up again. My mom shushes me and slaps the back of my head. My wife then says my mom can enjoy her little family reunion photos and then goes back inside. I follow to make sure she's okay."
"I get in conversation with her, her mom, aunt, and other family members of hers. We calm down and move on. We talk about getting ice cream at a place down the street. I go back outside to ask people if they want to get ice cream (as most weren't causing issues, just my mom and brother). Before I say anything, my very drunk brother starts shouting 'f*** your wife, f*** her family, and began charging at me, but was caught by my dad and cousin who held him back. He was of course kicked out. My mom left with him in tears. My dad (my parents are divorced and don't associate with each other at all) apologized to everyone and left out of embarrassment."
"Wedding day comes. My brother is no longer my best man and is not invited. My sister is here from the other side of the country. The ceremony goes perfectly. My sister refuses to attend the pictures being taken of family and wedding party outside. During the reception, my wife, friends, some of my wife's family, and I are busy dancing on the dance floor. We notice my sister crying and walking around from table to table. We ignore it; as we expected her to try something dumb at our wedding. We find out from someone that my sister was trash talking my wife in the bathroom. We don't want to deal with drama on our big day, so we have the person in charge of the wedding hall/supervising the reception staff talk to her about her behavior (she told us we could during the wedding planning process). My sister freaks out and acts all offended. She and my mom then stage a walk out protest of our wedding, taking a large majority of my aunts, uncles, and cousins with them (not all thankfully)."
"To this day (it's been 4 years), I haven't spoken to anyone who walked out."
"I got married like 2 Weeks ago and had something similar happens except I was in the position of you're wife. I had never expected to have to hide in a room and cry on my wedding day. Truly some horrible people."
The Father Who Wasn't
"I cut my biological dad completely off because he just didn't try."
"When I was younger I cut contact with him because he didn't believe me when I told him his new wife was abusing me and my sister. I petitioned for my parents' custody agreement to be changed and everything to protect me and my sister. We didn't see him again as minors."
"When we were adults he reached out to me and expressed regret at not being there for us and wanted to reconnect. We (me, sister, and him) met for dinner twice and then he just started not showing up. I stopped telling my sister we were even supposed to be meeting him because she was so disappointed that he flaked and just took her out myself, knowing he wouldn't show. I told him after like the fifth time that he clearly didn't care enough to even let us know he wasn't gonna show so I wanted nothing to do with him. He replied in some apologetic way but I left him on read."
"Fast forward about six years. I got married and my husband has a lot of regrets about his estranged father dying before they could reconnect, so I reached out to my bio dad again. No plans were made to meet but we did chat occasionally. Until it became just me initiating conversation and him not ever reaching out to me first. I stopped sending him messages about five months after I got married. I've been married three years and haven't heard from him even once since."
"I guess TLDR the final straw was me realizing I was always gonna put more effort in for a relationship that I didn't need."
No Time For Nastiness
"I finally cut my father's wife out of our lives after my wife and I had our first child. I was able to put up with her nastiness growing up, but the second I saw that nastiness get directed towards my kid, it was over."
"My decision was further solidified when I found out she texted me from my Dad's phone, pretending to be him and unbeknownst to him, saying we should invite her to my kid's birthday party and make amends. She also made a giant scene a few years later at my Grandmother's wake."
Just because you're bound by blood, it doesn't mean families always have your back.
"She went around to myself (transman, closeted at the time), her brother, her uncle, and several friends of ours, accusing several of us of sexually abusing her. It caused several violent interactions and broken friendships, until people finally got to talking and realized she was giving the same lists of people minus whoever she was making the accusations to at the time."
"My sister tried to pull that same sh*t with my family and I disowned her over it. I noticed the pattern when I talked to people about how those accusations came about and discovered she was always upset over some trivial bullsh*t either when she said it or immediately before she said it."
"My mom doesn't understand why it's still 'such a big deal' to me, she 'apologized' for it (to some of the people she told the lies to, not to anyone she told the lies about). She never accused me that I know of, but it wouldn't surprise me to hear that she did."
The Final Straw
"My parents are divorced and my brother and I were raised by our mom. My dad paid $100 month, for 2 kids, in child support until we were adults. Mom let him pay that little."
"My brother died in an automobile accident at age of 20. Everyone came to the funeral, including my dad. At the funeral, I overheard him talking to the other parents of the kids who were in the accident. My brother was the only fatality. He was about talking getting lawyers and who he was going to sue. Totally inappropriate behavior at a funeral considering he made very little effort at being a father while we were growing up."
"He had a life insurance policy on my brother and myself. He cashed it in and volunteered to take care of my brother's grave stone. 9 months had passed and he still hadn't done anything except place the order. My mom ended up driving 5 hours to get the grave marker and paid for it."
"But, the final straw for me was when he asked my mom for a refund on the child support that he paid on my brother over his life. My mom paid him which she should never had done."
"He died last year from COVID. I have no regrets that he never met his only 2 biological grandchildren. For all I know, he would have taken life insurance policies out on them hoping to cash in."
"I went to the graveside funeral, left and drove 5 hours to get back home. I'm still blown away by all the wonderful things people were saying about him at the funeral. I didn't know that person."
For some, cutting someone out of their lives is not a difficult decision to make when it's your mental well-being that is suffering.
Forget about keeping up with appearances. Looking out for yourself and your loved ones by permanently disassociating from toxic people is a no-brainer.
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
There are just some actions we never grow out of.
When it's time to grow up... grow up.
Let's discuss the signs and scenarios we should know about.
Redditor Grouchy-Trip9582 wanted the grown ups reading to listen up and act their age.They asked:
"What is a childish behaviour adults do that makes you cringe?"
Why do some children behave better than adults? It makes no sense. Let's hear some explaining.
Simple AnswerOh No You Didnt GIF by happydogGiphy
"Getting mad when someone tells them 'No.'"
"At the bakery where I work, we offer free cookies to kids under 12 as long as they have a parent with them. As you can imagine, we run out quickly. I've seen a couple of adults scream and cry after telling them we've run out of cookies, like I've just run over their puppy or something. The kids usually just shrug it off and walk away."
"Yelling at their children on the subway basically having a tantrum as the actual child silently stares or spaces out."
"It’s the most upsetting reaction for me to see when a kid is being yelled at, honestly. Because most of the time you just know it’s such a common happening and they’re so used to it this is the way they cope."
"I know I’m not a perfect parent and I lose my temper here and there but I truly hope I don’t get to this point or where others see me as this type of parent. I think a lot of those parents, though, are also victims who haven’t figured out how to end the cycle of abuse/poor treatment. It is how they were raised so it is all they know and that is also sad. Trauma creating more trauma. :( "
"Getting mad at or demeaning cashiers/fast food workers."
"I wouldn't even call this 'childish' behavior, because kids generally don't even do this. It is only done by overly-entitled adults with superiority complexes and impulse control."
Oh Ma...uh GIFGiphy
"My mother sticks her fingers in her ears and goes 'lalalala' whenever someone is proving her wrong. All the time. Consistently."
Oh, I've lost track of how many times I've met these people. How are these adults?
SorrySorry Lebron James GIF by UninterruptedGiphy
"The inability to apologize/admit when they are wrong... I just think it's so strange. Like... No one expects you to be perfect."
"Blame others instead of taking responsibility for their actions."
"When people refuse to take accountability it is literally the worst. Even something as simple as, 'My God, you’re right. I’m so sorry I’m not sure what I was thinking.' Can really do so much to repair and mend relationships with others."
"This is not childish, this is manipulation."
"I was at Sports Authority for the final clearance sale. They had three weeks left until their doors closed for good so there were only about four employees left on staff and they had all completely run out of f**ks to give. Well this one lady pushes her way to the front of the line saying 'I had to wait so long to get help out there I shouldn’t have to wait in line.'"
"The woman at the register ignores her and continues to check out a different customer. Impatient lady tosses her things on the counter so the employee pushes them to the side and says 'I can help the next person in line' naturally impatient lady loses it completely, yelling at the employee; you know the drill 'speak to your manager, customer is always right, call corporate, I’m a busy woman with places to go' entitled person's greatest hits."
"The manager walks over to defuse the situation impatient lady starts yelling and the guy behind her in line (whom she cut in front of) steps in to explain she tried to jump the line and the cashier was just helping those who had already been waiting."
"The cashier looks at her manager with a ‘what are you gonna do? Fire me?’ Face. The manager looks at impatient lady and says 'you can either wait in line like everybody else or you can leave' she looked for a second like she was going to explode but just stormed out. It was amazing watching retail workers be able to say the things you know they wanted to say to every difficult customer."
"Having a screaming match like kids on playground."
"Some of my neighbours are like this, having huge screaming matches in the parking lot of their building or out on their balcony. It's like they want the world to witness their argument, which makes it feel extremely performative. Like they're not arguing because of a real disagreement, they're arguing for the benefit of their audience. I can't even raise my voice in public, so this mentality is very alien to me."
Go AwayPhaedra Parks Bye Felicia GIFGiphy
"My mom’s piece of crap boyfriend flipping over a table and storming out of a restaurant because they wouldn’t give him a discount for some bulls**t reason he made up. He was always asking to talk to the manager to get discounts and free stuff. Usually he’d get it too because those people aren’t paid enough to deal with angry morons like him. He died a few years ago fortunately."
Did y'all read carefully? Grow up.
On occasion, all of us look in a mirror and wish there was something about our physical characteristics that was different.
Being a few inches taller, having a different hair color, maybe a smaller nose.
But then, as we continue to stare at our reflection, we might suddenly realize there are some things about ourselves which we don't mind at all.
In fact, we might even be proud of our eye color, the shape of our ears, or having an enviable jawline.
For most people, finding their best attribute might not be so difficult to determine, owing to slim pickings.
But for those blessed with good genetics, choosing their best physical trait might be a bit more difficult.
Redditor askredditiscool was curious to hear what people with enviable genetics considered their best physical quality, leading them to ask:
"People who have 'won the genetic lottery' what qualities do you have?"
Come and get me!
"I'm not allergic to mosquito spit."
"So they bite me and I feel the pin prick, but I never get that red swollen itchy-as-hell welt."
"I also apparently taste bad enough to them that they will go for anyone else in the area before me."
"Ticks, on the other hand, will hunt me for f*cking miles."- open_door_policy
Million Dollar Smile
"No wisdom teeth!"
"The trade off is the ticking time bomb that is my cancer genetic..."- Opin88
"My teeth are nearly perfect."
"Whenever I switch dentists, they are a bit stunned at the first appointment."
"My husband hates me for it."- BilobaBabyHappy Dance GIF by benjamin lemoineGiphy
"I can actually lick my elbow."- Soulerous
"At age 72 I've fallen several times in the last few year, low blood pressure, and have never broken a bone in my life."- Duegatti
"O mio babbino Caro..."
"Perfect pitch."- HeliomobAnna Kendrick Movie GIF by Pitch PerfectGiphy
Pure blood indeed!
"Not a single blood related person who had or has cancer for at least 3 generations."
"Meaning parents, grand parents and grand grand parents and all their children and children's children."
"Or any other inheritable disease."- yohoho_99
Sleeping Beauty ain't got nothing on me...
"I inherited the Sleep Button gene from my grandfather."
"When I want to fall asleep, I just... do ...in a matter of minutes."
"I haven't struggled with falling asleep/waking up more than ten times in my entire lifetime."
"I can't nap for sh*t."- VertebrateCrossing
I got time...
"Not sure yet but like I may live a really long time."
"People on my mom's side just have exceptional lifespans."
"My great grandma got in a bad fire at age 45 and had third-degree burns everywhere."
"No one thought she'd recover or live very long."
"Out of pure spite for the husband she has been separated with for 23 years, she lived till she was 96."
"This was in India and she was upper lower-class."
"Meaning the healthcare was sh*tty."
"My great great grandpa lived till he was around 116."
"He maintained his capability and independence till the very end."
"In his last few years, he started to lose his eyesight and hearing but he still cooked his own food, bathed himself, did the house chores, etc."
"My grandpa is at 78 right now and he'll hopefully remain in good health."- a-lovelyy-ladyyOld Lady Dancing GIF by MattielGiphy
Some people are just born lucky.
True, it's what's inside that counts.
Which doesn't mean we don't still wish we had perfect teeth every now and then...
Self-awareness is a strong and admirable quality which far too few people have.
Particularly as those who are truly self-aware are often willing and able to admit when they're wrong, or if there is something about their personality which could, and probably should, be changed.
Truth be told, it doesn't take a great deal of self-awareness to realize and acknowledge your less than admirable traits.
More than likely, these are the things about ourselves that we've likely hoped we might change for a very long time.
Redditor sound-hub was eager to hear people share their least admirable qualities, leading them to ask:
"What's one bad trait about you?"
Give people some closure!
"I never finish the things that I"- BadAndNationwide
I just can't stop
"Having an addictive personality."
"If there's an activity or substance that triggers dopamine release, I'll probably take it to an extreme."- DeathSpiral321
I don't want to get out of bed..
"My laziness will be the death of me."- A_R_K_SKevin James Eating GIF by TV LandGiphy
I can't, I'll never be able to...
"Pessimism and lack of confidence."- Iamnothuman77
"I lack confidence."
"I constantly try to get reassurance or double checks on my decisions before making them."
"It has helped me to avoid making certain mistakes but I feel like if I was more confident in myself, I'd be better off."- HumbleOwl
I don't need the help, so stop asking!
"I’m too prideful."
"I don’t ask for help when I need it and make myself miserable powering through a sh*tty task or situation."
"It’s a problem."
"I’m trying to break myself of it."- like5or6
"I got no patience.. non.. nada."- shine_hunterWaiting Patiently GIF by General HospitalGiphy
Do you think they'll like it? Oh I hope they do...
"I’m too much of a people pleaser."- Positive-Help6449
I'd rather not say...
"I don’t talk."- TheCowOfArdonia
"I use sarcasm too often."- The_StankyBootMaggie Smith Sarcasm GIF by Downton AbbeyGiphy
It's brave to admit the things about yourself that could be improved.
But it's important that this is how you feel, and not how others perceive you.
Only then should you even begin to think about changing any part of yourself.
It's hard not to look back in life on some things we wish we handled them differently.
Some of these are relatively minor, like wishing we chose a different hotel on a vacation, or being a bit more friendly to certain people in middle school.
But sometimes, we look back on decisions we made, and wonder if our lives might be different had we not made certain decisions, or behaved in a certain way.
Redditor lillyrosebennet was curious to hear what the Reddit community regrets most in their lives, leading them to ask:
"What do you regret?"
Who care's what other people think?
"Putting my self worth into the hands of others."- scaryboilednoodles
Oh, what could have been...
"Not realizing this beautiful girl in high school was flirting with me."- South_Ad8256
Take your life and education seriously
"Not going to class nearly enough my freshman year of college."
"I dug myself a HUGE hole because I thought it was a better idea to drink on weeknights, play Starcraft, and hang out bullsh*tting in people's dorm rooms until 4am than actually attend lectures and do work."- DaisyCutter312
"Not taking my life seriously at a younger age."- ogue-Jedi
Learning more about others
"Not talking more to my grandma about her life."
"She's passed not long ago and even though I was there at least once a month in the last year, which is not so little regarding the distance, I just wish I had asked more about how she was like, when she was my age."
"She wrote a memoir and she has lots of diaries, but I think she started writing them later on."
"I was just so scared of making her relive her trauma."
"But I really miss her and I wish we could've had more time to talk."- MyCatIsUpsiideDown
There's a reason it didn't work
Going back to exes that treat me poorly just because it’s comfortable."
"It’s not my job to fix people or save morons from their own stupidity."
"It’s like I always think I can fix it when it’s clear they’re just toxic and incapable of healthy relationships."
"Then I feel even worse when it falls apart the second time."- SupportMoist
It's not so difficult to listen
"Not communicating enough in my relationship."
"My overthinking ruined it some more."- Ok_Moose235
Caring for my body
"Smoking cigarettes."- rowfeh
Missing the chance to make things right.
"The last words I said to my dad when I was 9, was 'I hate you'."
"It was over a stupid little misunderstanding."
"He passed away the next morning, and I will never forgive myself for that."- DismalSplit5792
Finding more lucrative employment.
"Getting a degree in a 'helping field' (therapy/social work) rather than getting one that pays well and helping others from that comfortable position."
"It's very difficult providing assistance and guidance for others when you can't afford to go to the doctor, the dentist, or even your own therapist, let alone ever afford a vacation or anything meaningful."- HiCommaJoel
It's hard not to have those "coulda, woulda, shoulda" moments in life.
But even if some things can't be changed or undone, it's important to remember that improving one's life can't be done looking back.
Instead, we have to learn from our past mistakes, to make wiser decisions moving forward.