I've got a decent amount of animals - some fish, turtles, dogs, etc. - but out of all of them, Optimus Prime is definitely *my* pet.
He's kind of a jerk to everyone else, but a with me he's a the biggest bestest beefaroni boy.
That is an outright lie, this dog is awfully behaved and taught himself how to open doors so he stays letting mosquitos in the house and air conditioning all of South Florida instead of just my living room. I just have a soft spot for him.
But here's the thing - soft spot or not, if someone offered me $50k for this dog, my reaction wouldn't be horror because I just love my "shmoopies" and even can't imagine. I'm not that privileged.
I grew up poor, believe me I've imagined $50k a lot. "Shmoops" might get voted off the island when $50k keeps your babies safe and housed. Relax, animal lovers. Optimus Prime is in no danger of going anywhere.
Nobody is tryna pay $50k to be headbutted and farted at all day.
That fact is precisely why my reaction to someone offering me cash for him would be straight up suspicion.
Optimus is a big beautiful male pit bull with so much muscle that he has abs on his butt.
He doesn't have any official papers, and he's fixed so he can't be used for breeding.
He's not a therapy dog and doesn't do any special tricks (on purpose) and in the time it took me to write this intro he farted so loudly that he scared himself awake and then got so excited by the sudden wake up that he did 3 bunny bounces. It's clear this would not be a high-skilled-labor kind of hire, ya know?
So why would someone want to spend that much money on this dog specifically?
I'd be suspicious that anyone willing to drop serious money on him was going to try to use his size and strength in dog fights and THAT is not gonna fly with me. Not a chance.
The person offering would have to convince me that they're willing to spend that much money on a giant dumb pit bull for some non-fighting reason and that he would have a dope life. Maybe I'd say yes because they sincerely believe he's the reincarnated spirit of their college bro who died in a horrific skiing accident, and they need to take him on a cross country road trip to fulfill the last thing on their bromantic bucket list?
Reddit user spondgbob asked:
"If someone offered you $50,000 to buy your pet, how would you respond?"
Here's what Reddit has to say.
"I'd tell them to meet me outside the local PetSmart in an hour and then rush there and buy a hamster or something."
"Kind of my only option since I don't have a pet."
"You sir, are playing 3D chess while the rest of us are all playing checkers."
"Made me think for a second because my immediate answer is no but upon thinking about it, and how badly I need the money, the answer is still no."
"Irrational love is crazy."
"I could desperately use that money and there's nothing special about my cats. Took a moment to realize it's completely irrational but I could never part with these idiots."
"The harder question after this is at what price point, if any, would you do it?"
Everything Has A Price
"Everything has a price, and they’re in luck that the price for my blind, deaf, arthritic dog happens to be $50k"
"I mean $50k is $50k."
"Like I get that some people view pets as family, good for them. I don't, so as long as they weren't gonna torture the animal or something, then 100% would do it."
" 'You may have the one that runs from it's own poo after it sh*ts' "
"Had a cat get spooked while sh*tting... when it finished he managed to nuke 4 rooms :( "
"I call what my dog does a 'poop-about.' "
"Like a walk-about, but she is pooping as she waddles around the yard sniffing rocks and stuff. She's a weird critter and I love her more than anything."
"One of my earliest memory is having a blast farting in the bathtub... and then..."
"Don't make fun of your pet, your own poop can be very scary and we deserve love no less than more courageous creatures."
"Give it to them."
"I love my aquarium and fish in it. But I could build a sweet aquarium set up with $50k."
"Exactly! I wouldn't sell my dog but I'd give my aquariums away for 50k."
"One of them is a custom that a built a background for and I'd still give it away for 50k."
"Yeah, I would sell my cat in a heartbeat. Call me a narcissist I guess."
"Good thing I dont have kids."
"I'll take the $100,000 in cash."
"50k to give him to you and another 50k to take him back tomorrow when you've finally reached your limit and can't keep him anymore."
"My dog has his own spirit animal, and that spirit animal is a bag of dicks."
"My dog has separation anxiety and a powerful set of lungs."
"I have to drop him off at my mom's house on the way to work so he can be with someone familiar or else he'll be howling all day. He sounds like a dying bison."
"I'm talking loud enough to hear inside your house half a block away. While he's *inside* my house!"
"My kitty is old at this point and I worry now. Someone willing to pay $50k for her probably has the money to take care of medical needs that will be coming soon. That's money I dont have."
"I love her, she has been my family for 17 years now, but if she gets sick reality is I'm gonna have to get her put down probably. She'd have a better chance with someone rich to spoil her at the end."
"I'm shocked by everyone saying they'd do it?!"
"If someone is willing to pay that much, just imagine the sick sh*t they are planning on doing. No way I could live with myself."
"Would you sell your kid? You can get a lot more than 50k for one of them..."
"I have a hard time believing someone willing to sell a dog for a 'lot of money' wouldn't be tempted to or actually sell a child."
"It's alooooot of money for children, so if money is the motivator...."
"My a$$hole cat is a jerk, but family. Though I would expect a lot of push to sell him since he is mean to everyone with only rare moments of niceness."
"Plus they whoever got him would likely kill him."
"He is allergic to fish, can't wear a collar even a breakaway one (somehow almost strangled himself twice), sits in the middle of the road if he escapes, eats the random stuff on the ground, randomly attacks people (full on claws, teeth- goes for the veins usually breaks skin and causes a bruise), has diseases, and goes after other animals in the house regardless of size."
"I hate it and get mad at my boyfriend every time he says it, but he jokes that natural selection is trying its best with my cat. He's kind of right."
"He is untrainable and awful, but incredibly cute and everyone wants to pet him (but quickly learn not to go near him.) At least he does not attack kids 5 and under though."
"I wanted to name him lil Napoleon as he is perpetually ready for a battle and a short legged munchkin. I took him in from my sister but couldn't change his name so it became my nickname for him."
Get Over It
"It is a beta fish that we have had for six days. The kids are currently celebrating it still being alive because they accidentally killed our first fish in about six hours."
"Suffice to say, I’m pretty sure we can get them over it."
"Yes please on the $50,000."
A Pet Is A Pet
"Only pet I have is a single bug."
"Tanks for the moneys. Enjoy your pet fly."
"Time to buy a pet dog!"
"Is its name Randall? Randall seems like a good name for a fly"
"I have a daddy-long-legs in a corner of the garage that I've nicknamed Herman, does that count as a pet?"
"More than what I have. Tell Herman I said hi"
"Can someone start a sub for Herman? I feel there is a community here."
"I had 2 daddy-long-legs in my bathroom for weeks. They got quite big. Fred and Wilbur. I came in 1 day and Fred was killing Wilbur. Not cool man. Not cool."
"Bro don’t sell Herman wtf"
- rich_white_kidDaddy Long Legs Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
"Well he’s 13. He’s cost us well over 10k in medical bills in that time. At most he has 2 years left. And that’s optimistic."
"So, all things considered, I’d tell them to go f*ck themselves."
"Same. Mine is 14 and such a crotchety ass hat. But I love him more than anything in the whole world and I would fight to keep him with me"
"I believe this is what unconditional love is."
- mr-emeryNo Way Kid GIF by MOODMANGiphy
F' You And Your Money.
"F*ck you and that money."
"Just the right amount of appropriate and poetic."
"My first thought as well."
"My bearded dragon is special needs and if someone wants to pay that much for her i am sure it would be a death sentence. so, no."
"Yup, it’s like selling a family member, makes me just wanna say 'f*ck you'."
"I mean I'd sooner sell some of my family members."
"I've got a pet rock let me get him from outside for ya."
"Outside? Mines housebroken... I can probably get 75k for it"
"Your pet rock is probably in your POH menagerie."
- GrosseTuqueseason 8 episode 3 GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
No.. But Why?
" 'LOL why?'."
"One of my dogs is terrified of everything, including house plants, ceiling fans, wind in the trees, invisible greebles, and sometimes her own food bowl. I’m told that when I leave the room she follows me as far as she can and then stands around looking awkward until I come back. So I can’t imagine why anyone would pay that sum of money to take on that level of neuroses."
"The other dog I could see someone wanting, but she’s still a shelter mutt with no sense of personal space and nuclear farts. So…. Why?"
"The answer is no either way, but I’d love to hear their reasoning."
"Decline and research more about my pet to see why would somebody offer that much for a pet"
"ohhh! 200 IQ response!"
"I mean, maybe my pet could be working for the government beating up a scientist who is mistaken for a pharmacist and makes inventions that are so genius but his stupidity makes them fail."
"This was my exact thought"
Time to be honest with yourself—would you do it?
What would your reaction be?
Let's argue in the comments!
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Sometimes being naked isn't the sexiest look there is.
Certain articles of clothing were designed to accentuate all of our gifts.
The mystery a fantastic piece of clothing can create can also heighten the mood.
That's why lingerie is a billion-dollar industry.
Sexy cloth. Can lead to sexy time.
Redditor Great-Tiger6307 wanted to get into the sexy of it all when it comes to choices in fashion.They asked:
"What clothes worn are sexier than being naked?"
I love a tightly fitted tee. It speaks volumes on the right body.
"Skirt, thigh highs and a bra."
"And with a garter belt and matching panties. Can’t leave those out."
"A long dress with a naked back (and no bra under) bonus point if there is a side split."
"I just love how it's the perfect blend of sexiness and elegance."
"Every Bond movie will force an event where the girl is able to wear a dress like that, for this obvious reason."
"According to my old school, anything that revealed a shoulder or a kneepad."
"As a guy who was once a teenager, an exposed shoulder was legit enough to distract for the length of the entire class, and then some. Still 100% bullcrap to demand that the girls cover them so onlookers don't get distracted, though. Teach your kids self discipline and we'll be all good."
"Women in red dresses."
"Thigh-highs and panties and girls in red dresses. Flannel and T-shirts and mostly-kempt tresses. Garters and chokers, all tied up with string. These are a few of my favorite things"
Woofblake shelton television GIF by The VoiceGiphy
"Buff man wearing flannel."
"Ah. The Plaiddy Daddy."
Work that flannel and a Bounty paper towel roll.
Oh YesSam Heughan Dancing GIF by Men in Kilts: A Roadtrip with Sam and GrahamGiphy
"Buff man in a kilt."
"Lol. “DUFFMAN… can’t breathe… oh no."
"A Clone Trooper Phase II armor."
"'Yes honey, you can leave the helmet on tonight.'“
"Mini skirt and thigh highs."
"Sheer white thigh highs with no lace pattern at the top."
"Seen that a lot XD I honestly also just gotta say thigh highs are one the most comfiest pieces of clothing I could wear."
"Any clothing that's provocative enough is sexier than being naked in my opinion."
"I've always held the firm belief that being clothed is sexier than being nude. Nudism is beauty, it's art. Lingerie, pushup bras, and tight underwear accentuate the curves. It doesn't just hide and tease you; it gives you a perfect frame. Do you understand? Now put on the clown shoes."
Sometimes a little bit of clothes can make for a little more magic.
God is a big part of life.
It's become a contentious topic in life for many to discuss.
So people are so driven by faith.
And many others find it just a fun fantasy.
But what many of us believe is deeply personal.
And that should be respected.
Redditor Glittering _Leading74 wanted to talk about one of life's most controversial issues: God. They asked:
"Do you think God is real, and why?"
I believe in God. I just sort of have to. I'm also afraid of death.
NoBored Episode 15 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
"At this point in time, No. I've explored several denonminations and attended a church faithfully for a big part of my life, participated in Sunday school as a child and adult, read the bible, prayed."
"But finally accepted that I don't believe in God. I think the God concept is more about feeling connected to something bigger than yourself. Feeling connected to yourself and others. But I don't feel connected and I don't have faith or trust."
"Live a good life. If there are Gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are Gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. - Marcus Aurelius"
"I really hope God is real but lacking any proof it seems like a fantasy to me. I'm terrified of death currently because I don't have a real belief system. I'd be so comforted if I were able to rely on any afterlife at all."
"Yep if God doesn't understand why I didn't believe then he is not God! 1000s of religions pick the wrong one suffer for eternity! Once again all eternity humans are full of sh*t were barely a blip in the universe's timeline."
"One of the biggest reasons I don't believe in God is precisely because i presume it was an invention made by a group of people who used their new religion as a weapon to earn easy cash thanks to the fact that it was really not hard to fool people in that era (even easier considering that they probably targeted poor people who needed something to give them a will to keep living in awful conditions)."
"Thats why they tried to silence a lot of intelligent people (for example, Galileo Galilei, who supported the idea that the Earth and the rest of the planets were the ones orbiting around the Sun, instead of the greek theory that the Catholic church imposed that said that the planets and the Sun orbited around the Earth) who, if they hadn't been stopped by the Church, technology would be a lot more advanced than what we have today."
Lost Itjesus GIFGiphy
"No, was raised a Christian but have had so much loss and general not having enough proof and such and just didn’t enjoy it that I quit believing in it."
Being raised certain ways can lead to more questions than answers.
IdeasDesign Idea GIF by Veo Branding CompanyGiphy
"I do but I don't really follow any religion. I have my own ideas about everything. And there ain't really a reason why. I guess I just wanna believe that there is life after death or something."
I can’t handle that...
"My dad was a minister. I tried SO hard to believe for my parents’ sake mostly. But I just can’t. I also cringe so hard when people talk about 'God was with him, that’s why he was ok' or 'God saved her!' or 'God was obviously present in this terrible tornado because the bibles in the pews were unmoved.' I can’t handle that. That’s like saying God abandoned the person who wasn’t ok."
"God didn’t want to save that other person. God cared more about bibles in a building than he cared about the actual real lives lost in the tornado. I can’t believe or worship something like that. I also used to say I believed in something, but wasn’t sure it was the Christian God. Now I’m not even convinced of that. Most of the miracles I see happening are the pure results of science."
"I have major issues with organized religion. But I can't be sure about anything else. I feel like maybe there is something there, and idk what it is. But I'm trying to live my life as a decent person either way. I do like the story of Jesus. With or without all the majorly religious stuff, he was just a good guy running around being nice to people and telling people not to be a**holes."
"I like the way that Jesus didn't have any problem with anyone who wasn't victimizing another person.
ETA - honestly it's the story of Jesus that gives me such huge issues with organized Christianity. This is their savior, right? Paid for sins and set the world right. But apparently they want to keep Judas-ing him, the way they act."
"Having faith of a God kind of just gives me more purpose and makes me more at ease about whatever comes after death. Even if he turns out not to be real then the important thing is I had guidance to follow instead of pondering the point of my useless existence and living for nothing. It's not about following God, It's about following your own beliefs that give you comfort in this crumbling world you will one day leave."
No AppealOver It Wow GIF by The Comeback HBOGiphy
"No. Raised religious but it just never appealed to me. I don’t think about it, question it, or wonder about anything religious or spiritual in nature. Just complete non-interest."
This will probably never be an issue with an answer that makes anyone happy. So believe what brings you comfort.
What do you believe happens after death? Let us know in the comments.
Most of the wild kingdom is far more ingenious and kind than us.
And when they do get "snippy," it's usually in reaction to humans.
They share food, build one another home, and will adopt lost creatures from another family.
We have a lot to learn from them.
Redditor pancakebunny15 wanted to discuss the best knowledge that can be shared about animal kingdom.They asked:
"What is a wholesome animal fact you know?"
I have two dogs. They make me feel better. That's my wholesome take.
Dam ItWorking On My Way GIF by San Diego ZooGiphy
"When they hear running water, beavers will automatically start to build a dam. We know this because people put a speaker playing sounds of running water next to beavers, and the first thing they did was start building a dam on the speaker."
"There are reports of elephants finding humans sleeping under trees and the elephants think they're dead. People have woken up with elephants gently stroking them with their trunk and in some cases they try to cover them with branches and sticks as a 'burial.' Elephants are one of the few animals who mourn their dead and have rituals."
"I saw a video not too long ago of some research ravens given small toys to play with. When the researchers came to collect the toys the ravens hid the toys and tried to trick the researchers into looking in fake hiding spots so they wouldn't find and take the toys away."
"Ravens are crazy smart. They can use tools to solve problems, remember human faces especially ones they have a grudge or connection with, and will sometimes bring trinkets for people who give them food and such."
"Orcas have incredibly complex social structures. They have different languages and regional dialects. They have names. They sing and dance. Pods that are close and speak the same language will mourn deaths and celebrate births together, even from other pods, other families."
"Their young are largely taught by the matriarch(s) of the pod, and they're able to teach verbally, rather than by showing. This means they have culture. Traditions, not just instinct or patterns. One of the only animals in the world that has that."
Group Effortguinea pig eating GIFGiphy
"In Switzerland it is illegal to own only one Guinea Pig as they get lonely."
Two of every pet is always best.
ColorsVideo Platypus GIFGiphy
"Despite all the weirdness that is the Platypus, they are still discovering weird things about it. Within the past two years it was discovered that platypus fur glows blue-green when exposed to ultraviolet light."
"Wild wolf packs and murders of crows form bonds over time. The crows help lead the wolves to live prey and in return and crows get the scraps after the wolf pack has eaten their fill. Crows have been seen playing with wolf pups and bringing them sticks and feathers as gifts."
"These same crows and wolf pups reunite as adults and do the deal time and time again. Sometimes the birds and carnivores just hang out together, supposedly just to enjoy each other's time. Like Hood Nature (Casual Geographic) once said, 'There's a Disney movie in here, I just know it.'"
Sharing is Caring
"Vampire bats will share food with other vampire bats who haven't fed in the last day or two (their metabolism means they die if they don't eat roughly every three days). This helps support members of the colony, even though it puts the sharer at risk. It is considered one of the few forms of altruism observed in non-human animals."
"My father in law worked for a commercial plumbing company. They got a job putting in all the water related stuff for the primate enclosures at the local zoo. While working near orangutans, they had to not leave their tools unattended, and take inventory when they left. The orangutans would try to use the tools to take their enclosure apart."
"Bonus Wholesome: Years later, my son got a book on animals at the book fair. Reading it together, when we got to the part about orangutans it said, 'orangutans are so smart, plumbers working on their enclosures at the (Hometown) Zoo had to be careful not to get their tools taken when working on their enclosure.'"
"I said, 'Holy crap, they are talking about your grandpa!!'"
SlumberWildlife Zebra GIF by BBC AmericaGiphy
"Zebras can’t sleep alone which leads to my theory Marty spent like 80% of the Madagascar movies as a raging insomniac hence explaining his erratic personality at times."
I love animals. They're so much better than us humans.
Okay hear me out, Zombie apocalypse films all get it wrong.
They focus on things like ammo, cool cars, and buff people trained in hand-to-hand combat (all of which are cool things) but fail to take into consideration that the true hero of the apocalypse is likely to be... secretly freaky suburban moms.
Reddit user DrillSargeee asked:
"What common household item would be priceless in a post-apocalyptic scenario?"
We'll get back to my theory that Britney Spears from the "If You Seek Amy" video might actually be our post-apocalyptic final girl superhero, but first let's talk to Reddit.
Sodium HypochloriteNicksplat Bleach GIF by NickRewindGiphy
"Absolutely. You only need a teeny tiny bit to make a lot of water drinkable."
"I was told by one of my patients who survived in Germany during WWII. She asked me multiple times if I kept enough bleach at home. She said it was by far the thing they used most, in order to purify water for drinking."
"Bleach starts to degrade after six months and gets less effective by 20% every year. And that’s if you store it properly. So make sure to adjust calculations if using older bleach."
"That's uselful for anything"
"Much like the Force, it has a dark side and a light side and it binds things together."
"Every time we go hiking my dad brings duct tape, and every single time we use it. It's pretty impressive stuff"
"I remember seeing one of those prepper shows, and he was talking about legit prepping for a zombie apocalypse."
"This bit always stayed with me cos I thought it was genius, but he was suggesting wrapping duct tape around clothes to create a kinda makeshift leather armour. to protect against bites."
Multi Use Shovel
"(based on a roleplaying session with very limited tools. My character was quickly nicknamed 'Shovel' based on the multitude of problems he could solve with the only item he could find)"
"Digging holes, cracking skulls, digging holes for the cracked skulls"
"Ah, that satisfying 'Pang!' from hitting a face *just* right! -Chef's kiss-"
"Is it a Tactical Shovel with 1,000,001 uses including eating ice cream?"
"When my mom took me and my sister to stock ourselves with a bug out bag, one of the first things I grabbed was a collapsible shovel."
"Entrenching, making fire pits, one edge is serrated for cutting wood, and the handle is designed to make it easy to use as a makeshift battle axe. Probably in the top 3 of most important tools I have."
Iron, Cast Iron
"I have a cast iron skillet that I use so much it feels like part of my hand. Seasoned to a black mirror shine. It's a pan, it's a bowl, it's a melee weapon, what more could you need?"
"I had so many answers, then I read this.."
"It's just too useful to leave."
"Proper iron intake is essential for survival. You get iron simply by cooking in your skillet. You may have the best answer here."
"Who knew, right?"
"Books, because hiding out in a bunker would probably get old quick"
"Things like manuals, encyclopedias, atlases and even cookbooks hold a lot of knowledge that would definitely come in handy."
"I have an antique pharmacists' guide from the 1890's that I bet would be useful!"
"It doesn't just list how to make medications. It lists how to make things like lotion and diaper rash cream and toothache powders. All types of daily things."
"Nice one. Cabin fever might be the intro to full-blown mental breakdown."
Unibrow Or Not, Useful .
"Tweezers… I know that’s not a kitchen thing… but they come in handy from splinters to unibrows. As for an actual kitchen thing, perhaps a sturdy pot and sharp knife (weapons and food prep)."
"I'm letting my unibrow go if we get to post-apocolypse. (Tweezers are super useful though)"
"So many medical uses for tweezers! You can perform a minor surgery with tweezers and a sharp knife."
Multi-Toolknife tools GIF by Kaho YoshidaGiphy
"A Leatherman multi-tool."
"We called them diggits in the navy. I always have one on me and my wife got me an upgraded one last birthday."
"Good to know. I just bought my boyfriend one for his birthday."
"Ha ! Was here for saying that. It's a tool with a range of uses beyond imagination."
"Weights and measures are often overlooked in dystopian fiction. But they form the very basis of early/emerging economies. Having a reliable scale means you can conduct trade and bartering effectively and consistently."
"Especially an analogue scale. Digital scales will eventually need rechargeable batteries and a screen replacement."
"God damn. You just blew my mind. Never once thought of this, thank you"
"Especially if we go back to precious metal dependence"
"I have a feeling you're going to be dosing medicinal herbs before you conduct trade."
"Or mixing up saltpeter, sulfur and charcoal."
"But good answer 👍"
Buy Or Harvest , Vitamin C
"Humans cannot produce it but need it. Depending on what SHTF scenario, transportation might be impacted, meaning no fresh foods and no vitamin c until you can grow something. Some cheap vitamin c tabs could prevent issues due to vitamin c deficiency"
"Nettles make a wonderful spring tonic due to all of the needed chemicals they contain. People used to make a tea with nettles and peppermint (it's really tasty too) to help recover after a long winter."
"I don't know where you live but in my area most people have dozens of plants that contain high concentrations of vitamin C right in their yards, and many can be harvested year round"
"Birch bark tea/sap fixes that issue."
Kniferaul julia GIFGiphy
"Good quality knives."
"Knife sharpener too"
"This is the only good answer here. People think perishables and medicines will matter. Those things only matter in society because we continue to replace them. In the apocalypse, they are only stop-gaps."
"They buy you time but they solve nothing. You will eventually run out of them and you will be back at square one. Everyone here is also assuming the incredible privilege of sheltering in place. In a true apocalypse, nowhere is safe. You will have to be a nomad or be incredibly lucky to find a tiny oasis of civilization. Even then, there won't be anything remotely resembling modern drug production or agriculture."
"The only people surviving the apocalypse are the people already living like they're in one. (Not me)."
Well, we're certainly going to add some of these items to our bug out bags if Z-day every does come.
Do you have something to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.