People Imagine How They'd React If Someone Offered Them $50K For Their Pet
Ron Fung/Unsplash

I've got a decent amount of animals - some fish, turtles, dogs, etc. - but out of all of them, Optimus Prime is definitely *my* pet.

He's kind of a jerk to everyone else, but a with me he's a the biggest bestest beefaroni boy.

That is an outright lie, this dog is awfully behaved and taught himself how to open doors so he stays letting mosquitos in the house and air conditioning all of South Florida instead of just my living room. I just have a soft spot for him.

But here's the thing - soft spot or not, if someone offered me $50k for this dog, my reaction wouldn't be horror because I just love my "shmoopies" and even can't imagine. I'm not that privileged.


I grew up poor, believe me I've imagined $50k a lot. "Shmoops" might get voted off the island when $50k keeps your babies safe and housed. Relax, animal lovers. Optimus Prime is in no danger of going anywhere.

Nobody is tryna pay $50k to be headbutted and farted at all day.

That fact is precisely why my reaction to someone offering me cash for him would be straight up suspicion.

Optimus is a big beautiful male pit bull with so much muscle that he has abs on his butt.

He doesn't have any official papers, and he's fixed so he can't be used for breeding.

He's not a therapy dog and doesn't do any special tricks (on purpose) and in the time it took me to write this intro he farted so loudly that he scared himself awake and then got so excited by the sudden wake up that he did 3 bunny bounces. It's clear this would not be a high-skilled-labor kind of hire, ya know?

So why would someone want to spend that much money on this dog specifically?

Hmm?

Giphy

I'd be suspicious that anyone willing to drop serious money on him was going to try to use his size and strength in dog fights and THAT is not gonna fly with me. Not a chance.

The person offering would have to convince me that they're willing to spend that much money on a giant dumb pit bull for some non-fighting reason and that he would have a dope life. Maybe I'd say yes because they sincerely believe he's the reincarnated spirit of their college bro who died in a horrific skiing accident, and they need to take him on a cross country road trip to fulfill the last thing on their bromantic bucket list?

Maybe.

Reddit user spondgbob asked:

"If someone offered you $50,000 to buy your pet, how would you respond?"

Here's what Reddit has to say.

Outside

"I'd tell them to meet me outside the local PetSmart in an hour and then rush there and buy a hamster or something."

"Kind of my only option since I don't have a pet."

- eleven_eighteen

"You sir, are playing 3D chess while the rest of us are all playing checkers."

- StillAll

Giphy

Irrational Love

"Great question."

"Made me think for a second because my immediate answer is no but upon thinking about it, and how badly I need the money, the answer is still no."

"Irrational love is crazy."

- To_Fight_The_Night

"Same."

"I could desperately use that money and there's nothing special about my cats. Took a moment to realize it's completely irrational but I could never part with these idiots."

"The harder question after this is at what price point, if any, would you do it?"

- joyfall

Everything Has A Price

"Everything has a price, and they’re in luck that the price for my blind, deaf, arthritic dog happens to be $50k"

- DoctorDblYou

"I mean $50k is $50k."

- MinnesotaMiller

"Like I get that some people view pets as family, good for them. I don't, so as long as they weren't gonna torture the animal or something, then 100% would do it."

- avelak

Poo Problems

" 'You may have the one that runs from it's own poo after it sh*ts' "

- Blastin-Ass

"Had a cat get spooked while sh*tting... when it finished he managed to nuke 4 rooms :( "

- tuffymon

"I call what my dog does a 'poop-about.' "

"Like a walk-about, but she is pooping as she waddles around the yard sniffing rocks and stuff. She's a weird critter and I love her more than anything."

- cycloptopussy

"One of my earliest memory is having a blast farting in the bathtub... and then..."

"Don't make fun of your pet, your own poop can be very scary and we deserve love no less than more courageous creatures."

- RaccoonyDave·

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Bye

"Give it to them."

"I love my aquarium and fish in it. But I could build a sweet aquarium set up with $50k."

- Inner-Nothing7779

"Exactly! I wouldn't sell my dog but I'd give my aquariums away for 50k."

"One of them is a custom that a built a background for and I'd still give it away for 50k."

- RPC3

"Yeah, I would sell my cat in a heartbeat. Call me a narcissist I guess."

"Good thing I dont have kids."

- Maggy_Monster

$100k

"I'll take the $100,000 in cash."

"50k to give him to you and another 50k to take him back tomorrow when you've finally reached your limit and can't keep him anymore."

"My dog has his own spirit animal, and that spirit animal is a bag of dicks."

"My dog has separation anxiety and a powerful set of lungs."

"I have to drop him off at my mom's house on the way to work so he can be with someone familiar or else he'll be howling all day. He sounds like a dying bison."

"I'm talking loud enough to hear inside your house half a block away. While he's *inside* my house!"

- Tobias_Atwood

Medical Needs

"I'd sell."

"My kitty is old at this point and I worry now. Someone willing to pay $50k for her probably has the money to take care of medical needs that will be coming soon. That's money I dont have."

"I love her, she has been my family for 17 years now, but if she gets sick reality is I'm gonna have to get her put down probably. She'd have a better chance with someone rich to spoil her at the end."

- BlueClouds42

Giphy

Sick Sh*t

"I'm shocked by everyone saying they'd do it?!"

"If someone is willing to pay that much, just imagine the sick sh*t they are planning on doing. No way I could live with myself."

"Would you sell your kid? You can get a lot more than 50k for one of them..."

"I have a hard time believing someone willing to sell a dog for a 'lot of money' wouldn't be tempted to or actually sell a child."

"It's alooooot of money for children, so if money is the motivator...."

- Pepperclue_55

Little Napoleon

"Couldn't sell."

"My a$$hole cat is a jerk, but family. Though I would expect a lot of push to sell him since he is mean to everyone with only rare moments of niceness."

"Plus they whoever got him would likely kill him."

"He is allergic to fish, can't wear a collar even a breakaway one (somehow almost strangled himself twice), sits in the middle of the road if he escapes, eats the random stuff on the ground, randomly attacks people (full on claws, teeth- goes for the veins usually breaks skin and causes a bruise), has diseases, and goes after other animals in the house regardless of size."

"I hate it and get mad at my boyfriend every time he says it, but he jokes that natural selection is trying its best with my cat. He's kind of right."

"He is untrainable and awful, but incredibly cute and everyone wants to pet him (but quickly learn not to go near him.) At least he does not attack kids 5 and under though."

"I wanted to name him lil Napoleon as he is perpetually ready for a battle and a short legged munchkin. I took him in from my sister but couldn't change his name so it became my nickname for him."

- Wolfling

Get Over It

"It is a beta fish that we have had for six days. The kids are currently celebrating it still being alive because they accidentally killed our first fish in about six hours."

"Suffice to say, I’m pretty sure we can get them over it."

"Yes please on the $50,000."

- NurmGurpler

A Pet Is A Pet

"Only pet I have is a single bug."

"Tanks for the moneys. Enjoy your pet fly."

- QuillWellington

"Time to buy a pet dog!"

- EnderEagle420

"Is its name Randall? Randall seems like a good name for a fly"

- therockethornet

Daddy Herman

"I have a daddy-long-legs in a corner of the garage that I've nicknamed Herman, does that count as a pet?"

- TerraVerdigris

"More than what I have. Tell Herman I said hi"

- ItsLegitCraft

"Can someone start a sub for Herman? I feel there is a community here."

- horny4tacos

"I had 2 daddy-long-legs in my bathroom for weeks. They got quite big. Fred and Wilbur. I came in 1 day and Fred was killing Wilbur. Not cool man. Not cool."

- LogicalFallacy77

"Bro don’t sell Herman wtf"

- rich_white_kid

Daddy Long Legs Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

How Bout...No!

"Well he’s 13. He’s cost us well over 10k in medical bills in that time. At most he has 2 years left. And that’s optimistic."

"So, all things considered, I’d tell them to go f*ck themselves."

"Same. Mine is 14 and such a crotchety ass hat. But I love him more than anything in the whole world and I would fight to keep him with me"

- lonelytrees516

"I believe this is what unconditional love is."

- mr-emery

No Way Kid GIF by MOODMANGiphy

F' You And Your Money.

"F*ck you and that money."

- Allenrw3

"Just the right amount of appropriate and poetic."

- stolpie

"My first thought as well."

"My bearded dragon is special needs and if someone wants to pay that much for her i am sure it would be a death sentence. so, no."

- bunnyrut

"Yup, it’s like selling a family member, makes me just wanna say 'f*ck you'."

- MechTitan

"I mean I'd sooner sell some of my family members."

- DOLCICUS

Pet Rock

"I've got a pet rock let me get him from outside for ya."

- darcreaven

"Outside? Mines housebroken... I can probably get 75k for it"

- runningwaffles19

"Your pet rock is probably in your POH menagerie."

- GrosseTuque

season 8 episode 3 GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy

No.. But Why?

" 'LOL why?'."

"One of my dogs is terrified of everything, including house plants, ceiling fans, wind in the trees, invisible greebles, and sometimes her own food bowl. I’m told that when I leave the room she follows me as far as she can and then stands around looking awkward until I come back. So I can’t imagine why anyone would pay that sum of money to take on that level of neuroses."

"The other dog I could see someone wanting, but she’s still a shelter mutt with no sense of personal space and nuclear farts. So…. Why?"

"The answer is no either way, but I’d love to hear their reasoning."

"Decline and research more about my pet to see why would somebody offer that much for a pet"

- FaithlessnessOk1530

"ohhh! 200 IQ response!"

- vegdeg

"I mean, maybe my pet could be working for the government beating up a scientist who is mistaken for a pharmacist and makes inventions that are so genius but his stupidity makes them fail."

- FaithlessnessOk1530

"This was my exact thought"

- disrunner93

Time to be honest with yourself—would you do it?

What would your reaction be?

Let's argue in the comments!

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