Punny People Reimagine Pick-up Lines as Break-up Lines
[rebelmouse-image 18359133 is_animated_gif=Some of you reading this might be in an awful relationship. It's okay to admit it to yourself. They don't make you happy, they never listen to your wants and needs, and, just recently, their morning breath went from "cute" to "slap me with an old slipper." It's alright, though, because Reddit user, r/u/a1ham, asked a question with answers sure to cure those significant other blues when they asked:
If people used "break-up lines" instead of "pick-up lines", what would some of the best ones be?
Just Called To Say...I Don't Love You
[rebelmouse-image 18359134 is_animated_gif=Call me Stevie Wonder because I'm not seeing you anymore.
May As Well Compliment Yourself On The Way Out
[rebelmouse-image 18355066 is_animated_gif="Your ex is pretty hot" "Which one?" "Me"
Is That My Phone Number In Your Pocket?
[rebelmouse-image 18359135 is_animated_gif=I seem to have lost your phone number, can you lose mine?
Pick Up A Souvenir T-Shirt
[rebelmouse-image 18359136 is_animated_gif=How about... "dang girl, you college? Cause I've spent a lot of time and money on you and I'm pretty disappointed with the experience so far"
We Have A Tried And Tested Method
[rebelmouse-image 18350706 is_animated_gif="I'm giving you up for lent"
(true Story, actually happened).
You're The Cactus In My Life
[rebelmouse-image 18359137 is_animated_gif=Reminds me of that one line that goes something like,
"I need you like a desert needs water; I've adapted to existence without you and prolonged exposure would be disastrous."
Takes A Bit, But It Gets There
[rebelmouse-image 18359139 is_animated_gif=We haven't got chemistry.
What we've got is history.
We're over.
No Treasure Map Finding That
[rebelmouse-image 18359140 is_animated_gif="I lost something"
"What?"
"My feelings for you"
Seriously, It Was Last Minute.
[rebelmouse-image 18346571 is_animated_gif="I'm sorry I can't come over tonight, something has come up."
"What is it?"
"...my standards."
Everybody's Working For The Weekend
[rebelmouse-image 18351131 is_animated_gif=Hey boy-- are you the work week? Because I am so looking forward to the end of this!
Impulse Buy
[rebelmouse-image 18359141 is_animated_gif=You should make like my paycheck and disappear in a day or two.
More Job Related Puns
[rebelmouse-image 18348993 is_animated_gif=Baby you're the boss, so here's my two weeks notice.
I quit!!!
Let's Call It Training For Something Bigger
[rebelmouse-image 18359142 is_animated_gif=Our relationship is like push-ups on your knees. It just isn't working out
You Can't Spell "Break-Up" Without "B, K, U"
[rebelmouse-image 18352797 is_animated_gif=Take the "L" out of "lover" and it's "over"
The Jigsaw Of The World
[rebelmouse-image 18359144 is_animated_gif=This guy I know broke up with his now ex girlfriend on prom night by saying,
"We're just two awesome puzzle pieces in the universe that don't fit together right now."
Don't use this line...
...it didn't go over well.
Rhetorical Questions
[rebelmouse-image 18346555 is_animated_gif="Did it hurt?"
Did what hurt?
"When I dumped your -ss"
Be Sure To Lock The Door
[rebelmouse-image 18359145 is_animated_gif=See that dress lying on the floor?
It would look better on you and out the door.
Plant Jokes
[rebelmouse-image 18359146 is_animated_gif=Are you a tree?
Because f-cking leave.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson Called...
[rebelmouse-image 18359148 is_animated_gif=It's rare I get to post this twice in a week, but:
"My love for you is like a star in the night sky; it died a long time ago, you just haven't realized it yet "
You Go That Way. I'll Go Home.
[rebelmouse-image 18359149 is_animated_gif=We'll cover more ground if we split up.
Straight Up
[rebelmouse-image 18359151 is_animated_gif=It isn't you; it's me.
I don't like you.
H/T: Reddit