
Punny People Reimagine Pick-up Lines as Break-up Lines
[rebelmouse-image 18359133 is_animated_gif=Some of you reading this might be in an awful relationship. It's okay to admit it to yourself. They don't make you happy, they never listen to your wants and needs, and, just recently, their morning breath went from "cute" to "slap me with an old slipper." It's alright, though, because Reddit user, r/u/a1ham, asked a question with answers sure to cure those significant other blues when they asked:
If people used "break-up lines" instead of "pick-up lines", what would some of the best ones be?
Just Called To Say...I Don't Love You
[rebelmouse-image 18359134 is_animated_gif=Call me Stevie Wonder because I'm not seeing you anymore.
May As Well Compliment Yourself On The Way Out
[rebelmouse-image 18355066 is_animated_gif="Your ex is pretty hot" "Which one?" "Me"
Is That My Phone Number In Your Pocket?
[rebelmouse-image 18359135 is_animated_gif=I seem to have lost your phone number, can you lose mine?
Pick Up A Souvenir T-Shirt
[rebelmouse-image 18359136 is_animated_gif=How about... "dang girl, you college? Cause I've spent a lot of time and money on you and I'm pretty disappointed with the experience so far"
We Have A Tried And Tested Method
[rebelmouse-image 18350706 is_animated_gif="I'm giving you up for lent"
(true Story, actually happened).
You're The Cactus In My Life
[rebelmouse-image 18359137 is_animated_gif=Reminds me of that one line that goes something like,
"I need you like a desert needs water; I've adapted to existence without you and prolonged exposure would be disastrous."
Takes A Bit, But It Gets There
[rebelmouse-image 18359139 is_animated_gif=We haven't got chemistry.
What we've got is history.
We're over.
No Treasure Map Finding That
[rebelmouse-image 18359140 is_animated_gif="I lost something"
"What?"
"My feelings for you"
Seriously, It Was Last Minute.
[rebelmouse-image 18346571 is_animated_gif="I'm sorry I can't come over tonight, something has come up."
"What is it?"
"...my standards."
Everybody's Working For The Weekend
[rebelmouse-image 18351131 is_animated_gif=Hey boy-- are you the work week? Because I am so looking forward to the end of this!
Impulse Buy
[rebelmouse-image 18359141 is_animated_gif=You should make like my paycheck and disappear in a day or two.
More Job Related Puns
[rebelmouse-image 18348993 is_animated_gif=Baby you're the boss, so here's my two weeks notice.
I quit!!!
Let's Call It Training For Something Bigger
[rebelmouse-image 18359142 is_animated_gif=Our relationship is like push-ups on your knees. It just isn't working out
You Can't Spell "Break-Up" Without "B, K, U"
[rebelmouse-image 18352797 is_animated_gif=Take the "L" out of "lover" and it's "over"
The Jigsaw Of The World
[rebelmouse-image 18359144 is_animated_gif=This guy I know broke up with his now ex girlfriend on prom night by saying,
"We're just two awesome puzzle pieces in the universe that don't fit together right now."
Don't use this line...
...it didn't go over well.
Rhetorical Questions
[rebelmouse-image 18346555 is_animated_gif="Did it hurt?"
Did what hurt?
"When I dumped your -ss"
Be Sure To Lock The Door
[rebelmouse-image 18359145 is_animated_gif=See that dress lying on the floor?
It would look better on you and out the door.
Plant Jokes
[rebelmouse-image 18359146 is_animated_gif=Are you a tree?
Because f-cking leave.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson Called...
[rebelmouse-image 18359148 is_animated_gif=It's rare I get to post this twice in a week, but:
"My love for you is like a star in the night sky; it died a long time ago, you just haven't realized it yet "
You Go That Way. I'll Go Home.
[rebelmouse-image 18359149 is_animated_gif=We'll cover more ground if we split up.
Straight Up
[rebelmouse-image 18359151 is_animated_gif=It isn't you; it's me.
I don't like you.
H/T: Reddit
Every now and then, we can't help but be proud of certain accomplishments.
Graduating from college or grad school, earning a promotion at work, hosting your first Thanksgiving dinner.
Though it shouldn't be forgotten that pride is one of the seven deadly sins.
Which should serve as a reminder that we should be careful of what we boast over, and that some accomplishments might not be cause for celebration.
A Redditor was curious to hear some of the more questionable skills and/or accomplishments people have boasted about, leading them to ask:
"What are people stupidly proud of?"
Yeah... not cool.
"Being cruel."
"My ex actually said, 'Yeah, I saw this guy in a pub yesterday who tried talking to us so I basically burned his stupid shirt for an hour lol,' which is one of the main reasons I broke up with him."- AnyCurrency6027
Always read the fine print.
"Those IQ tests people share but they don't know how to read their results."
"Had some guy just so proud that he was in the top 90%."- 7grendel
Can knowing and doing nothing really be considered an accomplishment?
"Willful ignorance."
"Example: pride in not knowing how to do basic math."- stupidlyugly
"Willful ignorance."- storm_the_castle
Definitely not the parent who deserves to be celebrated..
"My dad, a father of 7, brags that he's never changed a diaper."
"Like, congratulations on being no help?"- Porrick
...Where do you even start?...
“'I’m proud of myself, I haven’t cheated in a while'.”
"Me: 'it’s been 2 months and I’m not f*cking proud of you'.”- Pufferfish4467
They shouldn't be allowed to have pets!
"That their dog weighs so much, but really it's an obese sausage with legs who can't even take three steps without running out of breath."- whiskybidnus
But what's the payoff?
"Long commute times and working hours."- KyotoGaijin
"I'm terrible at my job, let's celebrate!"
"Teachers being proud that their classes are hard and their students are always failing."- GreatXs
It's hard to imagine what some of these people were thinking when they boasted about these non-accomplishments.
In all likelihood, they weren't thinking at all.
I love TV!
Some television shows are a part of my DNA. That's why an ending is so important.
In the end we want to be forever satisfied. Which is a near impossible ask. Not everyone is going to love the chosen ending.
But sometimes writers really get it right... Buffy the Vampire Slayer... (save for *@#*'s death!!) is EVERYTHING.
But then they can get it really wrong... Game Of Thrones fans are STILL fuming apparently.
Redditorslice29wanted to discuss all the best entertainment endings we've ever watched.
They asked:
"In your opinion, what TV show had the most satisfying ending?"
I hate and love endings of shows. I love them when they're done well. I hate that it's over. Let's start with one of my favs!!
End of Life
"Six Feet Under."
sweet_jones
"Watched this in real time with my mom. The whole show. Every episode. As they aired. I grew up along with it, and the ending felt like the opposite of a death - I was a grown up. You're right."
ipakookapi
Dirty Harry-style...
"Sledge Hammer! For those too young to remember this gem from the 80s, it was a show that satirized the Dirty Harry-style bad cop dramas that were in at the time. The show ended with Sledge trying to defuse a nuke ('Trust me, I know what I'm doing...'), failing."
"And then the camera slow-pans across the charred landscape of the ruined city and you hear the distant voice of the long-suffering police chief yelling 'HHHAAAAMMMMMMMEEERRRRR!!!!!!' Priceless."
ekchew
We Live!
"Blackadder Goes Forth The ending of a comedy set in WWI trenches to end with everyone dying after going over the wall is both sobering and satisfying."
PhreedomPhighter
"When Darling thinks the war is over because all the guns stopped firing. 'Thank God! We lived through it! The Great War: 1914-1917.' But we know there was still another whole year of war to go through."
Jose_Jalapeno
Shocker
"Newhart. No one in America saw that plot twist coming."
soIstartBlasting
"And with the rise of the internet, I doubt any show could pull off a twist like that again and take people by surprise. The Season 1 finale to 'The Good Place"'was a rare exception of this happening post-internet."
WaldoJeffers65
"The twist is that good, and so few people saw the show during its original run, that there are probably tons of people discovering it every week. I don't want to ruin it for anybody."
WaldoJeffers65
Last Call
"Cheers. 'We're closed.'"
Taskerst
"Thought the same thing. Have been going through the series again, usually one a day and about to start the last season."
SnooLobsters4636
Ah 'Cheers.' Not my favorite show, but a great end. And 'Six Feet Under?' GENIUS!
Afterlife...
"The Good Place."
gr3ybacon33
"I need to rewatch that show. If someone told me to watch a show about the afterlife, philosophy, morality, interspersed with d*ck jokes I wouldn't be able to take it seriously but somehow they pulled it off."
jn2010
The Tie Up
"Gravity Falls. Tied everything up nicely, but left me wanting more, but what good show doesn't?"
smugfruitplate
"I want more so bad, but we all know it's better to die a hero than a 25 seasons show nobody wants to watch."
Equivalent_Meal2688
"Agreed. Whether Alex Hirsch does something new in the future or just sods off with his residual checks, I couldn't be more proud."
smugfruitplate
"why we fight"
"'Cherish the memory of a question my grandson asked me the other day when he said, ‘Grandpa were you a hero in the war?’ Grandpa said ‘No... But I served in a company of heroes.'"
Thirty_Helens_Agree
"Band of brothers is GOAT. Even reading that line gave me goosebumps I stumbled across 'why we fight' the other day, must have seen it 20 odd times, watched it again, still amazing. In fact, my missus is out tmrw, you've inspired me to start episode one again."
Curahee!
Realities...
"M*A*S*H, still the greatest final episode in TV history. It made it clear that nobody would be the same after the war. Winchester couldn't love music like he had before without being reminded of the war. Father Mulcahy lost his hearing as a result of the war. Hawkeye lost some of his sanity."
"Margaret had to lose her self-reliance and realize that it is okay to accept help. Potter had to lose his beloved horse, which was his #1 way to stay sane. BJ had to learn to say goodbye. And, of course, Klinger had to give up his dream of leaving Korea at least for the foreseeable future."
"There are times (most times for me) when being in the military totally sucks. Living in deplorable conditions, spending 24 hours a day with the same people; working, playing, and sleeping together with people you like and people you hate. Missing your family and loved ones. Yet, when you have to separate, the feeling of loss is like nothing else that I have experienced in civilian life."
NoFunHere
Beyond
"Star Trek TNG. The episode itself was great, but that ending scene was phenomenal."
"'Nothing is wild and the sky is the limit.'"
HaCo111
Those are definitely some incredible endings. And endings are hard to pull off.
Friendship is not something that can be forced.
As with any kind of relationship, it all depends on compatibility and chemistry, and thus must happen organically.
On the flip side though, it can be pretty clear when people will not end up being your friends, owing to a fundamental difference in personality or beliefs.
Redditor Chola_Bhatora was curious to hear the type of people the Reddit community would never become chummy with, leading them to ask:
"What kind of person would you never be friends with?"
Basically, people who aren't nice
"People who don't apologize for their mistakes, blame others for their problems, and generally complain without doing anything about their situation."
"Oh, and generally a**holes."- NerdyDadGuy1981
"People who are overly rude and constantly laugh it off and call themselves 'a**holes' as if it is an uncontrollable character trait."- Business_Grand7665
Don't you twist my words around!
"People that distort what you said."- Mystery_I
Just take some responsibility!
"People who can never admit they're wrong about anything."
"No matter how blatantly wrong."- Rachfo44
Say it to my face!
"The kind that talks behind your back."- 0breanna0
Are you sure about that?
"Someone who thinks they already know everything."- Fragrant-Crow-4513
Then why aren't I laughing?
"Someone that puts you down in front of your other friends.. 'as a joke'."- motherfugher
How well do you actually know them?
"People who abuse your trust and honesty to manipulate you, especially when they disguise it so well."
"Had it one too many times, thankfully gets easier to spot but some people are freakishly good at it."- nothingjustk
Yeah, well mine's better!
"One uppers."- BasedChickenTendie
Someone needs a lesson in self respect...
"I'm a woman."
"Had a classmate strike a conversation with me for the first time."
"2 minutes in said she doesn't have female friends because all women are b*tches."
"Why are you talking to me then?"
"What do you think you are?"- Minimum_Greedy
As Jane Austen famously explored in Pride and Prejudice, first impressions can often be misleading.
But every now and then, they can give a crystal clear depiction of who someone really is.
Which could easily be someone you do not want to be friends with.
Age is just a number.
We all hope to stay sexy until the end.
And even when we don't feel sexy, maybe there will be people who still think we are.
Redditor Debonair-Redditor21wanted to hear about famous crushes that enter into the "Harold & Maude" territory. They asked:
"Who is the oldest celebrity that you still find attractive?"
All Hail Dame Helen Mirren. Is there anything else to say?
How Old?
"Viggo Mortensen. Very handsome at 63."
Sidewalk_Tomato
"Damn, he is 63? Time flies."
2020UsernamesBeLike
Personas
"Elvira. Cassandra Peterson. Just turned 70 and still breaks out that amazing personality at every appearance."'
darkoath
"Omg. I saw the BEST suggestion for a movie ever. Elvira & Dolly Parton playing their stage personas as estranged sisters who must team up to fight evil."
ClothDiaperAddicts
Fatale
"Jane Seymour. 71 and still stunning."
MrWiggy89
"Live and Let Die. Incredible, and she'll always be in my mind as Elise McKenna, the woman so beautiful that Christopher Reeve's character went back to be with her in Somewhere in Time. I totally get the desire."
pcserenity
Hey Su...
"Susanna Hoffs (63)."
analogtapes
"Plot twist: She sang 'Walk Like an Egyptian' because she's immortal and actually lived in Ancient Egypt."
RealisticDelusions77
"She was my first crush. As a child, I used to watch MTV for hours just for that moment when she cut her eyes in the 'Walk Like an Egyptian' video."
3lon_Mu5k
I am loving this list. I didn't think I would.
Maddy
"Mads Mikkelsen."
Valuable-Mango368
"You mean my daddy issues? Damn I love that guy. Death Stranding really nailed how he can come through a medium without much hassle."
This_User_Said
My Biological Clock
"Marisa Tomei."
LiveShowOneNightOnly
"Jesus, I was so confused watching the new Spider-Man movies with Marisa as Aunt May. Marisa Tomei is perpetually the hot 80s chick in my head, also Jennifer Connelly. I was watching Morbius and seeing Requiem for a Dream and Career Opportunities. I AM OLD, I GUESS."
Forge64
Oh Captain
"Christopher Plummer, right up until the day he died at 92."
amodernjunecleaver
"I first saw ‘The Sound of Music’ as a child, watched in many times, know if off by heart etc. I didn’t watch for many years."
"Then as an adult I wanted to introduce a friend’s kid to it, put it on, and spent the next couple of hours absolutely dumbstruck by how hot Christopher Plummer was. It had never struck me before that time but go**amn have I never forgotten. No wonder Maria chose the Captain, if I had to choose between him and God I know who my pick would be."
niconiconeko
Hey Tim!
"Timothy Olyphant. Idk what it is about him. He's so funny, charming, and handsome that I don't care how much older than me he is."
throwaway-getaway122
"I do NOT get tired of watching him; he is so expressive. In Catch and Release there's a scene where he and Jennifer Garner are having a conversation that consists entirely of gestures and facial expressions. Hilarious!"
BugsRatty
"He is amazing in Justified and Deadwood... hell, pretty much everything. I think I just found out I may have a man-crush on the dude lol."
Captain-Hornblower
Yeoh
"Michelle Yeoh."
ThinkIGotHacked
"Ugh she was a vision in Everything Everywhere All at Once. And if she doesn't win all the awards then there is something really wrong with the voting system."
HoaryPuffleg
YUM YUM
"Oof that's kind of a hard one. Without looking up a bunch of older actors I think I'd have to go with Ken Watanabe. I think he's in his early 60s now and the last time I saw a recent pic of him he was still looking fine AF. And an honorable mention is Steve Carell... I don't know what it is but he keeps getting hotter with age. I was never attracted to him until he did that silver fox photo shoot with the paint brush 'n shi*t."
total class act...
"Stanley Tucci. As my mom says about handsome men, he just looks like he smells good."
vonye25
"He visited our hotel a few weeks ago. As the Restaurant Manager I was specifically told that my team and I were not to treat him any different to other guests, which we don't."
"The guy was a total class act polite, courteous, and always keen for a chat. Never mentioned his movies, his career, but was there to enjoy time with his family, and they themselves were also a joy to be around. Can confirm he always had a slight aroma of warm cinnamon."
valdezverdun
Well that is a long list of sexy. Cheers to growing sexy with age.