People Reveal The Major Pros And Cons Of Being 'Friends With Benefits' With Someone
Friends, especially great friends share a lot in life.
We share secrets, memories, joy, sorrow and in some cases... sex.
Is this a good idea or an unmitigated disaster?
The jury is still out.
It works for some and is a disaster for others.
Plus it can muddle the history of the relationship.
So what do people do?
Let's find out...
Redditor thunderchild10 wanted to discuss everyone's thoughts on the friends with benefits scenario, so they asked:
"What's your opinion of friends with benefits?"
I've never done FWB.
I feel robbed.
After a while...Friends With Benefits Herkenbaar GIF by GoPlayGiphy
"Fun, and fine for a while, but less fulfilling than a relationship. Also, you both need to be good at compartmentalization, otherwise one of you will likely end up catching feelings."
"My FWB caught feelings even though we were always clearly communicated as FWB. We were both in a big but really close friends group. I got a gf (she had recently had a bf as well) and she got mad. I ended up losing all my friends. It’s been 4 years, and she actually successfully managed to get 20+ ppl to forget I exist."
The Rule of Three
"I had 3 throughout college. Two ended in us dating and then breaking up. The only one that worked and lasted two years was me and an ex from high school. We never hung out but were cool after our breakup. Didn’t speak for like three years and then when we were in college we saw each other at the bar, hooked up that night, then like two days later she asked if I wanted to meet up and I said sure."
"Then it just continues for two years. We rarely spoke outside of the bedroom other than like ‘pick me up from the bar’. Overall it was cool but I think it’s very rare. You have to find two people who just don’t have any desire for each other other than when horny, which a lot of times is not the case in one side"
"I honestly don't understand it at all. Having any sexual relation with a person whom I don't love and who doesn't love me seems pointless and even scary to me. I guess I am over-sensitive or something, because the thought of being so close to somebody without actually having a connection, an exclusivity, without knowing if this will ever happen again, is genuinely horrific to me."
"I don't care what others do in the bed and with whom, but this kind of relationship is just not for me."
For LifeCorona Snap GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy
"If they can provide Medical, Dental, Unemployment, and Retirement benefits then they’re a friend for life."
Benefits are benefits. I'm in.
Forevermarried single ladies GIFGiphy
"It didn't work out. We couldn't keep it just friends once we started the benefits. We will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks."
"Very messy. You gotta either be f"k buddies only, dating, or friends only. Trying to keep feelings out of FWB is too difficult."
"That's a great point. I agree that it's tough to keep feelings out of the equation. I think it's best to just be honest and open with your friend so that you both know the boundaries of the situation and can stick to them. That way, both parties can be sure that they're getting what they need out of the relationship."
"Seems iffy to me if you want the friendship to lay long term. Doesn't someone usually catch feelings, so after the FWB finds a partner they want to keep, it leaves the other party out. Especially if the new bf/gf doesn't want you to be friends with someone you've had sex with."
"Yes? No? I'm not into casual sex for myself, so am I off base?"
"A lot of people are saying 'someone always inevitably develops feelings' and that it ends badly, but that's not been my experience. I'm still friends with a few of my FWB's that I'm no longer sleeping with over the last couple of years and I'm genuinely happy for them that they've found relationships that make them happy. And I know of quite a few others similar to me."
In Sync...Sacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy
"A great plan when both participants are on the same page. Whether that is 'stay FWB' or 'hey we caught feelings, let's give a relationship a try'. A mess when only one participant catches feelings."
Don't get hurt...
"Terrible idea, someone always inevitably develops feelings and gets hurt."
"It can work sure, but in general, unless you're both 100% sure (which, how can you ever really be?) beforehand that you won't develop feelings for each other, I generally have seen it not work."
"In my personal experience, someone always had to break it off just as feelings were starting to arise. So yeah, be careful I guess."
What have we learned?
Communication is key.
Do you have any WTF FWB experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
We all have to come from somewhere, but some of us are more willing to go back to visit our hometowns than others.
In all honesty, it's easier to put the past behind us than to reminisce.
Redditor drax3012 asked:
"What is your town infamous for?"
"Being one of the last cities in Texas to desegregate schools (1995). We also have a big bike race."
101 Dalmatians Reference
"Mine has the largest working fire hydrant in Texas, but it is also a gift from the '101st Dalmation' movie being released."
"The town I grew up in was infamous as the town the farthest north with an active KKK chapter. Secondary claims to fame: About 70% Polish immigrants and the fact that the leader of the American Nazi party was the Republican nominee for the house a few years ago."
"Those last two are kind of paradoxical if you think about the irony of Polish immigrants mainly supporting the Nazi party."
"Being the first major metropolitan city to go into bankruptcy and receivership."
"Oh, and for a mayor who stole money from the taxpayers, cheated on his wife with strippers, and may have also killed a stripper."
"Oh, and we are also infamous for eight-mile, AKA the street that now has a bunch of weed dispensaries on it."
"Infamous? It's generally thought of as racist with really bad traffic and hot weather."
"But in reality, it's not that racist, and the weather is OK, but yeah, the traffic is actually even worse than people think."
Those Fall Parties
"Oktoberfest... the Canadian version."
"A big ship that sank on her first go out."
Myths Born Overnight
"Drunk hillbillies having a gunfight with aliens."
"I don't really have an inside scoop. It was 13 years before I was born, and 30 years before I lived here."
"Locally, it seems to be a humorously shameful anecdote. There is a 'festival' every year, but it serves as a showcase for small businesses/gospel singers/politicians/etc from the area."
"Personally, I'm a big fan of all things supernatural and cryptid. And I probably believe more than the average person... but this story."
"Probably horned owls and moonshine."
"Well, not just the place I'm from, but random feet in sneakers washing up on shore. Has been happening for decades now."
"Thought to be a result of people who died in the ocean, their bodies eventually coming apart, and the buoyant sneakers keeping their feet afloat to wash up, but there are of course some much creepier theories."
Somewhere in the Midwest
"More cows than people."
An Introvert's Nightmare
"The happiest place on earth that packs you in like sardines."
An Extrovert's Nightmare
"It's so boring, even introverts are moving away."
"We kinda started the Civil War…"
A Haunting Education
"Our schools(allegedly) were modeled off of prisons in the 1960s, and a lot of ghost stories. So many that a book was made just listing all of them."
"Largest mass execution in US history."
Not every town has the darkest history, but it must be rough to have grown up in a town with an infamous past.
At least those who are aware of the history will be less likely to repeat it.
Sailors Describe The Most Amazing Things They've Ever Witnessed At Sea
As much as we might think we learned on Career Day in elementary school, there's really no way of knowing all there is to know about a profession until we've worked in it ourselves.
For some professions, like sailing and zookeeping, what happens could feel completely out of this world.
Redditor Myriagon10000 asked:
"Sailors/people working at sea, what's the most creepy or most amazing sight you witnessed?"
"The northern lights in the middle of nowhere Alaska. We were anchored in a remote cove, so the CO agreed to turn off all the exterior lights. Just a crazy, crazy thing to see."
"Seeing them is absolutely spectacular."
"Hearing them though was unsettling for me. People have called them 'spirits' for a reason."
The Lure of the Deep Blue
"Oftentimes in the Navy, I'd stand on the fantail and watch the ocean."
"Once we had 100s, probably around 400 dolphins riding the carrier's wake. They followed us for three days."
"In the middle of the Pacific, it's so dark, and there's so little light pollution, you can see reds, browns, and faint blues of gas clouds in the starscape."
"Another time, I was watching the water at night. They say it draws you in, and it really does. You look at this pitch-black void, with only the wake or turbulence of the water catching light, and intrusive thoughts of jumping in just naturally occur. It's mesmerizing, especially if you're alone."
"At night during one of these events, I saw blue glowing water (what I now know was bioluminescent algae), and inside this rather massive patch of blue glowing water was squid, that appeared to be maybe 15-20 feet long. You could catch their outline in the light from the water."
"I stared at what were multiple squids passing by for minutes, what seemed like an eternity, and then the light started going away in the spot I was staring. There was still a LOT of glowing water, we weren't headed out of it. But this patch gets darker and darker and darker until pitch black. A solid 15 seconds of intense curiosity. Suddenly a lot of turbulence and a whale surfaces. It had snatched up all the squid."
"The whale cocked to one side and looked at the ship, and our eyes met, I want to think. It studied the ship for a moment until just sinking back down until the glow of the water masked it completely."
"For me, it was the flying fish. I was just sitting there one day near Barbados, watching the water, and all of a sudden, I looked over and there were these 'birds' jumping out of the ocean. Took me a few minutes to actually understand that they were fish jumping out and not birds jumping in. Those things had some range on their glides."
"Later the next day when we went to Barbados, I found out the flying fish was on their currency and a popular dish. Tasted kinda fishy."
"I'm not a seafarer, but I was camping on an island in British Columbia beside a cliff that was about a fifteen-foot drop into the ocean. Late at night, I decided to jump in. The water exploded into light!"
"The bioluminescence was triggered by motion, so the movement of my arms and legs as I swam made green trails in the blackness. I called to the other people and we had the trippiest swim ever. It was like being covered in fairy dust."
"I had a humpback look at me from about 15 feet off the side of a small boat off the coast of Massachusetts one time. It was just him and I, and he was absolutely looking at me."
"Fresh out of college I got a job in Cambridge, Massachusetts as an architect designing whatever. Ended up doing oil rigs and one beautiful morning there were Sharks going under the main platform like always but there were two dead sharks, next morning three new dead, then four the next day."
"Then a steady four or five a day for a week or two... they would float up under the see-through deck that looked much like a metal colander. The crew would have to punch them down so the current could catch them with a large pole."
"What made it really weird was they looked like they had heart attacks or died in their sleep, no marks or bites or anything. The guys on the rig had all kinds of theories. Then one morning while in a room that was completely submerged and had a beautiful view as we sat in a meeting... everyone got to see the reason the sharks were dying like viewing it on a movie screen."
"This Octopus had made itself a home between the base and the deck. A shark was swimming by in a cruising fashion and we see these tentacles grab it right in front of the glass and snap it like a glowstick."
"The Marine Biologist smiled and said, 'Octopus is literally doing that to entertain themselves... like because he can.'"
"The Marine Biologist lowered a dive camera and this Octopus was HUGE."
"The crew would joke about it thereafter, people would smoke on the deck at night and people would say don't let the Octopus in. Seeing those tentacles was just insane for their length and to think about how a shark is mostly muscle and the Octopus would just snap em was kinda scary."
"Giant spears plunging in and out of the sea."
"In the Gulf of Alaska, I have seen some s**t. But one of the most terror-inspiring things I’ve seen are what can happen with some of the loose logs from the logging trade."
"Sometimes when a big log gets loose from a raft, it becomes partially waterlogged and floats small end up. So you have this four-foot diameter telephone pole in the sea, sticking up 40 feet into the air. No biggie. Shows up on the radar, and is easy to spot."
"Now, give that pole 20 years of floating around or so. It rots in such a way that it becomes sharpened to a perfect point by wind and waves, and looks quite menacing."
"Now, put it in a gale with 25-foot waves (50 feet trough to peak)… And it becomes a towering spike of death that shoots up from the sea every 15 to 20 minutes, out of nowhere, 60 feet into the air, only to plunge down into the dark depths waiting to skewer some unsuspecting boat in a few minutes when it thrusts out of the ocean again."
"It is a genuinely terrifying sight, rare, but not so rare that I haven’t seen two in one season. It’s like the spiked d**k of Neptune looking for an opportunity to f**k your s**t up in a particularly terrifying way."
Rock the Boat
"I’ve spent a good amount of time at sea on a research vessel, and it’s definitely not for everyone, it takes a special breed of person."
"The ocean is beautiful and enchanting, but also isolating and desolate. And your ship can almost feel like a mobile prison, since you’re basically stuck there with what little space you have, and most ships aren’t built for comfort and leisure like a cruise liner."
"But when the wind kicks up and the waves get tall, motion sickness (or at least some disorientation) is a constant companion that you just have to ride out. No escape except to let the weather pass."
"I’ve been through some larger storms that are very unnerving when your ship is being pounded by swell and tossed like a roller coaster… you just gotta trust that it won’t capsize."
The Color of Moonrise
"I was on watch and a lookout reported a ship on fire on the horizon. Looked through my binos and saw what they were looking at. Looked like a plume of flame really far away, just over the line of the horizon."
"I went and consulted the Astro books and discovered that it was actually moonrise. The tip of the crescent was coming up over the astronomical horizon, and was bright red-orange. Still very cool."
"I’ve also seen the Flying Dutchman illusion, dolphins swimming through bioluminescent waters that looked like glowing torpedoes, meteor hits near the ship, lightning hitting the mast, waterspouts in the Caribbean, and the green flash at sunset. Many more things as well, being at sea is just plain trippy!"
A Little Crowded
"You know the feeling of being in a full stadium? 10,000's of people all within sight of each other... all together?"
"Multiply that by 100 and maybe that would be like the sea of sea mammals I was in the middle of, presumably on a bunch of food below... squid or something. There were half a dozen species of dolphin and half a dozen species of whales all together going completely crazy busting the surface white, hundreds of thousands, I'm guessing."
"Going into the fo'c'sle of the small 42 ft lobster boat was like entering a different reality. Through the hull, you could 'hear.' They were all 'talking' to one another and I could say you could 'hear' them but it was something else entirely..."
"The bones in my skull and the rest of my body were vibrating at every frequency heard and sub and supersonic alike in alien rhythms and repeating patterns... a once-in-a-lifetime sensation...lasted about half an hour. Highly recommended."
The Rare Moondog
"I once saw a rainbow by moonlight. Sadly this was before digital cameras, so I had no chance of getting a picture."
The Good and the Bad
"I used to work on an Atlantic Salmon farm a few miles out to sea. Best job I ever had."
"We were round at the second site (other side of the island to the main site, and this one was being left fallow for a couple of years so just required some maintenance every now and then / was used for storage). My brother and I were there late afternoon to check some ropes or moorings or something, I can’t remember, when all of a sudden there was this really strong electrical / copper smell and the place went silent."
"It was flat calm, relatively clear skies so it wasn’t a thunderstorm coming in. For some reason, this smell really freaked us both out, and we both felt like we were being watched by something there was a kind of strange feeling/atmosphere to the place where it just seemed off."
"After a couple of minutes it went away and the 'atmosphere' returned to normal. We were pretty glad to get back to the main site but never experienced anything like that again. Really weird."
"This one is hard to describe, but sometimes we would have to pull super long 18-20 hour shifts at harvest time. This involved starting sometimes at 2 AM and working until late in the evening, and there wasn’t actually loads of work the whole time, to do we just needed to be present for a lot of it and lift a cage net once an hour or so. So we mostly just stood around drinking coffee and talking boll**ks."
"Anyway, I digress. We were starting out one of these mornings in the speedboat heading out to the site, on a really crisp winter night. Not a breath of wind, super cloudless sky, and a hint of aurora above us. Speeding along into the night with my buddies in this beautiful scenery, nice fancy survival suits on to keep warm, I remember looking up and seeing a huge sky full of stars, and a shooting star burning across the sky out towards the horizon."
"As I say I can’t really bring it to words, but I’ve never really felt more alive or happy in my work than that night."
The Milky Way
"I was a Quartermaster and when I was in the Pacific, I saw a completely clear night one time. I saw the Milky Way split the sky and I could see its reflection in the water. The sight was so beautiful it brought me to tears."
"The most amazing thing I've seen is watching the mountains in the sunrise while pulling into port in Norway. That was the moment I realized I was actually living. I don't think I'll see anything as majestic until I go back to Norway. Just beautiful!"
"Being out at sea was definitely one of the best experiences of being in the Navy. I got to see the northern lights, a meteor shower, and a blood moon. My favorite pass time was identifying the constellations. Eventually, when I got to learn a significant amount, I was able to tell what direction we were going. I’m seriously grateful I got to experience that."
These accounts sound nothing short of amazing. While it may not be enough to convince us all to be sailors, we surely could all do with a few more stories about their journeys.
Trailers are misleading on purpose, and if they did their job, you shelled out your hard-earned cash at the box office to go see the movie.
Once you're seated in the auditorium, the succession of previews is over, and the lights dim, the anticipation runs high.
How disappointing then, that a certain element in the film that you dedicated time away from home to go see turns out to be underwhelming.
What is it that indicates you're in for a non-refundable time of entertainment?
Moviegoers online shared their thoughts when Redditor Snoo_19146 asked:
"What’s the first sign that a movie is going to be bad?"
Pandering to the audience with lame humor is such a turn-off.
This Speaks Volumes
"Characters think they are funny because they speak loudly."
"Also references to farts or weed. (Not jokes: references.)"
'Hey guys who wants to smoke some weeeeed?'
"Pause for laughter"
"It's advertised as one of the best movies of the year."
"And it's late January."
The Poster Says It All
"There’s someone shrugging whimsically on the poster. 🤷"
Trailers alone can be a red flag.
Cliff's Notes Version
"When the trailer already tells you the entire movie."
"I've scratched titles off my watch list because I feel I've already seen the important parts of the film through the trailer, why bother?"
"If there are multiple trailers for a comedy movie, but they use the same joke in all of them."
"And then you sit in the movie or on netflix and you're like. Oh, the joke from the trailer, I think that's where the movie starts to get funny, but it just transitions into the serious end arc and then is over."
Familiar Jokes From Deadpool
"Something that always bugged me was the first Deadpool movie and it’s trailers. Don’t get me wrong, I love the movie, but here you have a character wearing a mask, played by an actor known for comedy in a movie that probably had a ton of jokes and multiple takes left on the cutting room floor."
"They could have EASILY dubbed different jokes into the trailer and used the final ones in the movie for an extra surprise. But nope, trailer jokes -> movie jokes. Kind of a bummer."
Some movies are destined for failure.
If It Ain't Broke
"It’s a remake of something that didn’t suck."
"I hate that there’s so many remakes of decent/good movies. Feels like it’s just a safe money-grab. It would be cool if movies that didn’t do so hot, get reworked into good movie remakes, but I guess that’s too much of a risk for studios to bother with."
A Very Telling Intro
"An exposition in which one character explains everything that's going on to another character that should already know what is going on."
'Stacy sweetie, you know I haven’t been the same since your brother disappeared 4 years ago at the creek, & then we moved here to get away from the bad memories but it didn’t change anything & now you’re moving to college & I’ve been finding it hard to accept, & I’m struggling to hold down my job at the diner & that new guy I’m seeing is acting really shady & disappears for days, & completely unrelated to all that there’s mysterious murders happening since he arrived in town. You know all this Stacy..'
"whilst unpacking the shopping in the first scene."
We Need A Reset
"Doctor: what we have here is a case of transcranial temporal reinforcement. If the patient is not restored to his original nacency the Einstein Bozeman condensate will reseed throughout the multiverse and congeal with unfortold consequences!"
"Other doctor: in English please!"
"Doctor: we need to send him back in time so his brain can restart the universe."
"Not always the case but when there are more than 3 writers a movie tends to lack vision. It can also occur due to rewrites. Not A Bomb Podcast reviews movies that bombed financially or critically and this is a subject often discussed if anyone is interested."
Maybe it's all about the journey.
Trailers do have to entice you with the best parts of a film promising audiences they'll be in for a good time.
However, movies just have to deliver on that promise by not revealing all the best bits in the trailer.
One movie I thought was going to be a succession of cheap one-liners with nothing but action was Disney's animated film Big Hero 6. The trailer was never appealing to me.
But after reading many positive reviews, I decided to give it a chance and I'm so glad I did.
It ended up being a very intelligent, emotionally mature film dealing with grief and an internal struggle about doing the right thing. While those are common tropes, it was all the more impactful watching animated characters dealing with serious themes and issues.
The bottom line is don't be quick to dismiss every movie based on its trailer.
You might be pleasantly surprised.
Meat Eaters Divulge Whether Or Not They'd Ever Date A Vegan Or Vegetarian
While every couple shares at least a few common interests which bond them together, they also share as many or more differences.
As the old saying goes, opposites attract, and barring some truly fundamental differences, most people do find themselves falling in love with others in spite of different tastes in music, travel or politics.
Things do become a bit more challenging when it comes to food, however, particularly when a vegan or vegetarian falls in love with a meat lover.
While some people manage to find a way to happily coexist, some vegans and vegetarians can't bear the thought of having meat in their refrigerator, while some meat eaters find themselves gagging at the very thought of eating vegan food.
"Meat lovers would you date a vegan or vegetarian, and vice versa, why/ why not?"
To Each Their Own
"If they don’t force me to go on the same diet as them I would date them."- Daisyline27
Not Remotely An Issue
"I married one."
"I still eat meat but enjoy cooking meals we both can eat."- davidfavel
"I've (36 M[ale]) been vegetarian since I was 18."
"My wife (37 F[emale]) is a meat eater in a way that only a south east Asian can be."
"She enthusiastically eats everything."
"We have been together for over a decade and have two children, there have been zero problems."- ndraiay
"Hell I married one, and we're still together more than 30 years later."- LJ_Wanderer
"I have. Wasn’t much of an issue."- iAmPresidentNixonAMAshocked my big fat greek wedding GIFGiphy
Willing To Expand Their Palette
"I do a day or two here and there veg anyway, maybe they can show me some new foods or recipes."- Drew-
"Yea I love me some meat. But the vegan and vegetarian options are good."- mrsnowplow
As Long As There's Respect
"As a vegetarian I would and have dated meat lovers, as long as they don’t make a ton of jokes about slipping meat into my food without me noticing (which has happened) or get super preachy about why i should be eating meat/ why being vegetarian isn’t actually better for the environment (which has also happened)."
"For the record, I never push my beliefs onto anyone I’m dating or expect them to change their diet for me."-FigCompetitive5599
"I don’t see why not, assuming they wouldn’t try to change my diet or something."- MahouShounenKerenKun
"Vegan here for 6 years now."
"I’ve only ever been with meat eaters."
"I would do it again too lol."
"As long as you both aren’t trying to change each other it shouldn’t matter."
"As for eating out/ cooking, people who care for one another are willing to make a few compromises or tweaks to their meals if needed."
"Meaning we can both get something different to eat out, we take turns choosing restaurants ( Not picky I’ll eat anything as long as it falls under my dietary restrictions as for my partners in the past they were always willing to try something new ) and if we’re cooking or if they are we just make some tweaks to make my meal vegan or we’ll both eat vegan."
"My past partners haven’t had any complaints for what it’s worth lol."
"As long as you both have mutual respect for one another you can make it work!."- Lazuli111_Episode 16 Vegan GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
Logical, I Guess?
"If this were the apocalypse and food was scarce, sure I'd probably go my separate way (after trading my partner to scavengers for meat) but in today's normal world where we can both readily buy what we want, who gives a f*ck."- AdmiralBarackAdama
Easy Ways To Work Around It
"Vegetarian married to a meat eater."
'We normally eat veg at home, just because neither of know how to cook meat."- VeeRook
Easy For Meat Eaters, Less So For Vegetarians And Vegans
"I feel like a vegan would have a way harder time tolerating a SO who eats meat considering their typical moral/ethical stances on the livestock industry."- C-Kwentz-0Vegan Veganism GIFGiphy
It's All About Compromise
"I love meat and am happily married to a vegetarian."
"One of our kids loves meat, the other two don’t eat it."
"Sure, we’ve had to compromise at times, but that’s what a relationship is all about."- jalexgray4
One's taste in food is very personal, and no one should ever convince you to change it, particularly if your taste in food stems from even bigger beliefs.
That being said, sometimes love can be strong enough to make you overlook the steaks you'd rather not have in your freezer, or settle for buffalo cauliflower at a Super Bowl party.