People Reveal The Major Pros And Cons Of Being 'Friends With Benefits' With Someone
Friends, especially great friends share a lot in life.
We share secrets, memories, joy, sorrow and in some cases... sex.
Is this a good idea or an unmitigated disaster?
The jury is still out.
It works for some and is a disaster for others.
Plus it can muddle the history of the relationship.
So what do people do?
Let's find out...
Redditor thunderchild10 wanted to discuss everyone's thoughts on the friends with benefits scenario, so they asked:
"What's your opinion of friends with benefits?"
I've never done FWB.
I feel robbed.
After a while...Friends With Benefits Herkenbaar GIF by GoPlayGiphy
"Fun, and fine for a while, but less fulfilling than a relationship. Also, you both need to be good at compartmentalization, otherwise one of you will likely end up catching feelings."
"My FWB caught feelings even though we were always clearly communicated as FWB. We were both in a big but really close friends group. I got a gf (she had recently had a bf as well) and she got mad. I ended up losing all my friends. It’s been 4 years, and she actually successfully managed to get 20+ ppl to forget I exist."
The Rule of Three
"I had 3 throughout college. Two ended in us dating and then breaking up. The only one that worked and lasted two years was me and an ex from high school. We never hung out but were cool after our breakup. Didn’t speak for like three years and then when we were in college we saw each other at the bar, hooked up that night, then like two days later she asked if I wanted to meet up and I said sure."
"Then it just continues for two years. We rarely spoke outside of the bedroom other than like ‘pick me up from the bar’. Overall it was cool but I think it’s very rare. You have to find two people who just don’t have any desire for each other other than when horny, which a lot of times is not the case in one side"
"I honestly don't understand it at all. Having any sexual relation with a person whom I don't love and who doesn't love me seems pointless and even scary to me. I guess I am over-sensitive or something, because the thought of being so close to somebody without actually having a connection, an exclusivity, without knowing if this will ever happen again, is genuinely horrific to me."
"I don't care what others do in the bed and with whom, but this kind of relationship is just not for me."
For LifeCorona Snap GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy
"If they can provide Medical, Dental, Unemployment, and Retirement benefits then they’re a friend for life."
Benefits are benefits. I'm in.
Forevermarried single ladies GIFGiphy
"It didn't work out. We couldn't keep it just friends once we started the benefits. We will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks."
"Very messy. You gotta either be f"k buddies only, dating, or friends only. Trying to keep feelings out of FWB is too difficult."
"That's a great point. I agree that it's tough to keep feelings out of the equation. I think it's best to just be honest and open with your friend so that you both know the boundaries of the situation and can stick to them. That way, both parties can be sure that they're getting what they need out of the relationship."
"Seems iffy to me if you want the friendship to lay long term. Doesn't someone usually catch feelings, so after the FWB finds a partner they want to keep, it leaves the other party out. Especially if the new bf/gf doesn't want you to be friends with someone you've had sex with."
"Yes? No? I'm not into casual sex for myself, so am I off base?"
"A lot of people are saying 'someone always inevitably develops feelings' and that it ends badly, but that's not been my experience. I'm still friends with a few of my FWB's that I'm no longer sleeping with over the last couple of years and I'm genuinely happy for them that they've found relationships that make them happy. And I know of quite a few others similar to me."
In Sync...Sacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy
"A great plan when both participants are on the same page. Whether that is 'stay FWB' or 'hey we caught feelings, let's give a relationship a try'. A mess when only one participant catches feelings."
Don't get hurt...
"Terrible idea, someone always inevitably develops feelings and gets hurt."
"It can work sure, but in general, unless you're both 100% sure (which, how can you ever really be?) beforehand that you won't develop feelings for each other, I generally have seen it not work."
"In my personal experience, someone always had to break it off just as feelings were starting to arise. So yeah, be careful I guess."
What have we learned?
Communication is key.
Do you have any WTF FWB experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
It's fun to imagine what happens when worlds collide with the mixing of entertainment genres.
As an example of this, American author Seth Grahame-Smith comes to mind.
He brilliantly wove together two completely contrasting literary worlds together with his novels Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter–both of which were adapted for the big screen.
So what would happen if Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games trilogy was replaced by a completely different type of heroine?
The imagination of strangers went wild when Redditor AgreeableSolid7034 asked:
"Which Disney princess would win the Hunger games and why?"
Some people thought Elsa would be the best candidate, hands down, due to her supernatural powers.
Hard To Choose
"I have 3 potential winners:"
"Elsa on account of having super powers that can be used offensively."
"Mulan on having actual combat training."
"Nala (if you count her) for being a literal lion."
"Elsa can literally create sentient life and freeze everyone on their starting pedestals aoe style....there's no contest here twentieth level elemental wizard wins."
"Ohhh I hadn’t thought of Nala. Technically not in the Disney Princess lineup, and also she’s not a princess. But yes, Nala would be a good contender."
"Not one of the early ones, I’ll tell you that right now."
"Ah, but what if the sounds of the battlefield awaken sleeping Aurora to her true love, the love of Blood drawn in war. She wakes, shatters her glass coffin, and uses the shards of glass as a pair of swords. She hasn't eaten in years, so she doesn't need a lot of food. She jumps full into the fray, slashing and jabbing with her glass swords. Tributes fall to the left and right, as Aurora, goddess of the dawn, destroys them unto their very bloodline. Exterminated."
Some thought unique skills and credentials were more effective than witchcraft.
Take A Bow
"Merida is excellent with a bow. I think she’d have a fighting chance."
Thematically And Practically
"Practically? Elsa. She's literally a magical ice goddess that can flash freeze an entire lake. The only other princess with anything approaching supernatural power is Moana, and her power is over water ."
The Forest Expert
"Thematically, consider Pochahantas and Mulan too! If Elsa didn’t immediately freeze everything in the arena, Pochahantas might survive just from knowing what’s edible and what’s not and being able to track people and avoid being seen!"
So which is it?
"Mulan - trained warrior with excellent survival skills."
Weapon Of Choice
"She defeated the boss Hun with a paper fan. I think she's a safe bet."
Hitting The Bullseye
"Don't discount Merida. The Hunger Games were won by an archer, after all."
"Mulan definitely wound up being the skilled soldier of the bunch and probably best survival skills, but Merida was no stranger to the outdoors herself."
It's A Toss-Up
"I’m also between Merida and Mulan. I think they both have the skill set to win, but when it comes to killing the other princesses, I think Mulan’s death count will give her an edge. Merida hasn’t killed a human before, while Mulan is a war tested soldier with a 10,000 kill count."
I'd put my pound sterling on Merida to epically conquer all.
Our red-headed heroine is skilled with a bow and arrow and she would fiercely take down leaders of the wealthy Capitol city of Panem to end the annual carnage once and for all.
When conversing, it's generally a good idea to make sure both you and the person you're speaking to get equal time.
So, if the focus has been on you for a fair amount of time, it's perhaps wise to ask your conversation partner a question and pivot the subject to them.
Unfortunately, some people have trouble talking about anything other than themselves and take every opportunity to pivot the conversation back to them if they sense it veering away.
"What is a tell tale sign that someone is a selfish person?"
"You Had It Bad, Well I Had It Worse..."
"When anything that happens to them is the worst thing in the world and whatever happens to you is not that bad and a waste of time talking about or dealing with."
"'I know your mom died a month ago but my best friend of 3 years died too so I don't see why you are so sad all of the time'."
"I think narcissism and selfishness go hand-in-hand so there you go."- AJM5K6
"They respond how worse their situation is when you’re sharing your problems with them."
"No try for help or listening, just trying to draw attention on their side."- seyfgs
"When every single bad thing that happens to another person gets spun around into their personal problem eg I'm really upset because my friend family member is going through."- Purrminator1974Drama Queen GIF by Radiotelevisione svizzera (RSI)Giphy
Sorry? I Don't Know The Meaning Of The Word...
"They feel no remorse for how they’ve hurt others."- avidhiker96150
"I'm Always Right!"
"Doesn’t think they’re wrong in the slightest bit."
"They can’t shoulder any bit of responsibility."- No_Key_6276
No Need To Thank Me, Because I Won't Thank You...
"They don't remember the times people helped them, but remember clearly all the times they have helped others."- GoodMerlinpeensexy youre welcome GIF by SatisfactionGiphy
Live To Freeload!
"They bring nothing to the potluck but are first in line."- TRIGMILLION
Quid Pro NO!!!
"They gladly take any favors you do for them, but when asked if they could reciprocate once, they get defensive and or aggressive and act like you're the selfish one for daring to expect something in return."
"It doesn’t make you a bad person to expect reciprocation in a relationship with someone else, romantic or platonic."
"Relationships are give and take and that makes them healthy."
"It's not entitlement to expect kindness if you give kindness."
"If you're the only one giving, you're being taken advantage of."
"I'm not talking about narcissism and manipulation, I'm talking about the natural give and take in a relationship."
"It is not manipulative to expect certain things out of a relationship (depending on what kind of relationship it is)."
"The whole reason we make relationships is because they give us something - whether that be support, love, safety, or other advantages."
"It isn't a bad thing, it's a human thing."
"Typically, with give and take, if you notice a pattern of one person consistently taking without giving, the one taking is the problem, not the one giving."
"The kind of people who use this as a manipulation tactic aren't the ones who stick around in a relationship for years, doing favors and kind things without being asked to."
"They're more likely to do one favor and demand twice as much in return."
"Why do I know this? I've had these people in my life, which is what gave me the realization I commented above."- random-shit-writingSeason 4 Question GIF by 9-1-1 on FOXGiphy
"I'll Never Forgive You!"
"Every bad thing you do to them is drama-worthy."
"Every bad thing they do to you are details and should be moved on from, and why can't you just do that? You're so dramatic!"- Pasdusername
"If I Could Just But In..."
"If you are in a group and there is one person that is constantly interrupting the middle of what you or anyone else is saying generally to brag about themselves with a 'one-upper' story, is generally a precursor to stop associating with them."
"I've met too many of them in my days and they are more often than not happy to throw you under the bus whenever the opportunity arises."- Philay_shio
But Enough About Me, What Do You Think About Me?
"If they always talk about themselves."- Effective-Craft-1173
"They have that superpower to lead everything back to themselves."
"Even when you're actually talking about your own life or a specific problem of yours, they somehow make it that you start talking about them instead without even changing the topic."- Anskin12Look At Me Reaction GIF by WWEGiphy
"Ugh, Work Is So Boring... Can You Do It For Me?"
"Complaining at work to coworkers doing your work for you while you complain."- Minimum-Tea-9258
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about dealing with a selfish person, is getting through to them about changing their behavior is probably a no-go.
For they'll be too self-absorbed to ever think they were doing anything wrong.
While ignorance may be bliss for the ignorant, it can annoy the heck out of everyone around them.
Ignorance can come from both a lack of information or too much incorrect information.
Redditor rockytheboxer asked:
"What common misconception infuriates you?"
I try to be calm. But anything can infuriate me.
So let's chat.
LiesCat Zoom In GIF by Paul TrilloGiphy
"That you can zoom in on a digital picture and it gets more clear."
"The Dunning-Krueger Effect."
"It's not as simple as dumb people overestimating their intelligence while smart people underestimate it. Once you feel 100% certain in your knowledge, all new information looks like misinformation. Once you believe yourself an 'expert,' you're far less receptive to facts that contradict your position. Self-doubt is what keeps your mind open; the nagging sense that what you 'know' might not be true is what motivates intelligent people to keep pursuing knowledge."
"Studies even show the DK Effect actually horseshoes."
"People at the very bottom and the top tend to over-emphasize their own intelligence. When leading scientists are disproven by new discoveries, it's not uncommon them personally reject the new science. The 'Nobel Disease' describes when Nobel Prize-winners go on to become quacks, believing their 'genius' qualifies them as experts in things outside their expertise."
"Life expectancy. People think hundreds of years ago you died at 40. Completely false. Infant mortality was extremely high so the average is skewed. If you made it out of infancy you had a pretty good chance of becoming old."
"So much this. If half the people born die at age 2 and the other half die at 72, the average life expectancy is 37, but that doesn't mean 'everyone died at 37.'"
"'If they give me a raise at work, I'll bump up a tax bracket, and I'll actually make less!!'"
"Oh man, I just came here to say this. Had a high-level staff meeting last week to discuss how our company will be changing from weekly checks to bi-weekly."
"The uproar, because they were gonna get 'taxed more' was hilarious. I literally had to draw a crude graph for folks who’ve been on this Earth for decades longer than I have in order to explain how a progressive income tax works. My eyes are still rolling."
RuinedAngry Season 3 GIF by Paramount+Giphy
"O.C.D. is not some cute obsession with cleanliness and order. It can ruin lives and comes in many forms."
"I also hate when people play armchair psychologist."
There is such a thing as too clean. Right?
Colorsseason 1 friends GIFGiphy
"As a colorblind person, I don't see in black and white. I have no problem driving. And I will never play the 'What color is this?' game. Not ever."
"The quote 'well-behaved women seldom make history' is frequently misquoted. Professor Laurel Ulrich stated this in a 1976 essay that details how women in early America have been lost to history as their stories weren’t considered important by those who wrote history."
"Her quote is not meant to minimize the lives of women who perform stereotypical 'women’s work' such as mothers and wives, but to stress the issue of women’s voices being lost in history."
"I think it’s important to support women who do not live within these archetypes, but not at the expense of women who enjoy being within these roles. Ultimately, having the voices of diverse women and gender-diverse people documented in history is incredibly important - which should include both 'well-behaved' and rebellious women."
"Introversion and social anxiety are NOT the same things."
"Not every introvert has social anxiety or is a poor communicator. Stop lumping people together and just calling it introversion."
"I’m introverted. I know how to communicate well. I just don’t want to with you."
"That the symbol of the upside-down cross is satanic, evil, witchcraft, etc. I see so many Catholics and Christians going off on people who have upside-down crosses on clothes and stuff because it’s 'evil.' No, it is not. The upside-down cross comes from Peter, who decided to be crucified upside down because he felt he was not worthy of dying in the same fashion that Christ did. It is a symbol of honor, love, and respect for Jesus."
Love DiesIn Love Hearts GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
"People like to believe 'there's someone out there for everyone' but honestly this just isn't true. Or that we only have 'one true love.'"
Everything makes me mad.
But life goes on.
While we all have to do it so that we can pay our bills, some of us would definitely not work if we didn't have to.
But that has less to do with our work ethic and more to do with some of the terrible work experiences we've had.
Redditor 7Earth7Energy asked:
"In all seriousness, what's the worst job you've ever had?"
"Store Santa during my college years."
"Sometimes I enjoyed being 'Santa.'"
"But many times, children were sad and asked for things that likely would never happen, like, as I once commented, 'A new boyfriend for Mommy because she was so lonely ever since Daddy died.'"
"Cashier at a grocery store. The work was fine. My manager was a nightmare."
"Fast food... I know everyone knows its a bad job, but nobody knows the stress that goes round in that kitchen, it's insane."
Unpredictable Cleaning Schedules
"I used to work for a carpet cleaning company. You never knew what you were going to come across that day. There are basically two types of people that use carpet cleaning services:"
"Type One: Pretty much spotless clean house. Perhaps they spilled a glass of wine on the carpet, and they want the stain out. Easy job..."
"Type Two: They had four dogs and never let them out, and there is more s**t in the carpet than carpet."
"Dishwasher. I’ll go to my grave saying that it is the worst possible job you can have."
"Dishpan hands are a real thing and suck a**. You’re the last to leave the restaurant, the least paid, and least respected person in the building."
Plants and Cars
"I can't decide between two, so I'll share both:"
"First, I was 19 and had just dropped out of college. I decided to take a job over the summer building scaffolding in the chemical plants around the Houston ship channel. I lasted exactly two weeks doing that work."
"12-hour days, carrying long metal posts and hammering them together in the hot Texas sun, with the smell of burning chemicals all around you, and a foreman who can't speak English so communicates to you with hand signals and whistles."
"A lot of my classmates went and had full careers working in the plants. I knew then I had no desire to chase that living. That s**t sucked. I hated the work, I hated being there, and I hated that I had no time to do anything because I was always at work or sleeping."
"Second, Car sales. When I first got out of the Navy and was looking for my first civilian IT job, I was having a hard time getting hired anywhere. I took a job selling cars because it's pretty much what I could find aside from barista work."
"Long, long days. Like 14+ hours, calling 'ups' and calling people on the phone to harass them into coming into the store for some 'once in a lifetime deal.' Having to try and get people to buy a car they won't like because that's the one that would get me the bigger spiff, or trying to f**k them on the price because I'd get a higher commission if I did."
"And it was causing so much grief at home because I was never home, and my wife and son were never seeing me, and we were still not making enough money to get by, despite me selling out my own morals every day and hating myself for it."
"And I was so busy at work, I didn't have time to apply and interview for the jobs I actually wanted. I ended up taking a loan from my gramps to help me pay the bills for a few months while I quit this job so I was able to find IT work, which finally paid off."
Out in the Lumberyard
"Working on a lumber mill. I was literally the only employee with all my teeth and all my fingers. Watched a guy take a 14” splinter through his thigh. Board came off the saw and split, half of it opened the guy's leg like stabbing a balloon full of blood. The owner was on the line before medics arrived, yelling at us to get the saws working again."
"I was a medic in the Army and an EMT, so I was working on the injured man. The boss yelled at me to get back to the chain and let the injured man lay there till the medics arrived. I loudly told him to go f**k himself and stayed with the victim."
"He threatened to fire me and I told him I was calling OSHA. He shut up."
World Runs On...
"Dunkin. Literally new staff each week. They don't pay their employees. And they screw you over so bad, they make you quit. Not to mention they don't even put you into the system on purpose, not expecting you to last long."
"Also, it's not Krispy Kream. They don't make their donuts fresh. They wait for a truckload and they gotta microwave them so they're not stiff and frozen."
"Don't buy from Dunkin. They overwork and severely underpay their staff."
The Family Clique
"A small town family-owned diner. It was my first job, they took advantage of me for being young and inexperienced, I was underpaid, and the family who worked there was very cliquey."
"They made jokes at my expense, excluded me from certain things, and overall just didn't treat me well."
Fast Food Woes
"McDonald’s was a s**t show. I worked there for nearly two years back in high school. I’ll never forget the cheeseburger lady."
"She would always order a cheeseburger with no cheese (hamburger, but she wouldn’t take that for an answer) One day, she got cheese on her burger. Note that this wasn’t an allergy thing, she just didn’t like our ‘fake cheese.' When she checked her burger at the window, she saw the ungodly sight of cheese staring back at her."
"She slammed the burger on her lap and screamed at the top of her lungs. She just sat there screaming. I awkwardly tried to consult her but instead, I got the burger thrown at me."
"I was 16 at the time, and I knew I wasn’t getting paid enough for that psycho s**t."
Call Center Life
"Customer Service call center. No one can pay me any reasonable amount of money to go back."
"It’s been six years since I left and I still hate talking on the phone for any reason whatsoever."
"Whoever invented that stupid metric where if your satisfaction is eight or lower is considered a failure, I hope you get stuck with a thousand pine needles and are set on fire."
"This was about 25 years ago. It wasn’t an actual job, but I got roped into volunteering for a St. Patrick’s Day dinner at a catholic church where I lived. There were about 10 of us teenagers and our job was to serve food to the people who’d bought tickets. Corned beef, mashed potatoes, and like, steamed carrots…some s**t like that."
"Anyway, like 100 people showed up and they were the rudest sacks of s**t I’d ever encountered in my life. They treated us like dirt. Total disrespect. And I’m sure their treatment was made worse by the fact that we were kids."
"This was the moment I realized I could never ever work in the food industry. I learned a huge lesson that night and have always gone out of my way to be kind to servers and tip extra. It changed my life."
"But also, the joke's on them. The church refused to let us eat anything until all these a**holes had finished their meals (we were told we had to clean up, too), so we kids just started eating off the plates before serving them. We didn’t give a s**t anymore. Had they treated us better, we wouldn’t have done that. F**k those people."
"I volunteered at a hospital ICU, I was by myself and no one would talk to me. The nurses are pretty quiet and the doctors are major douchebags, and the patients are old and sick."
"Because I was volunteering, I got like $15 credit every day for cafeteria food, but my shift ended right when the cafeteria closed, so sometimes I'd ask if I could leave early."
"The nurses would get p**sed about that and make me stay to the very end, even though my job was literally just to sit there and draw grids for their future logbooks... which I already did all day. Jerks wouldn't even let me get some food."
"Telemarketer. They moved me from an outside sales position into a telephone sales one where I would be reporting to the boss's 19-year-old side piece. Part of the job was keeping it secret from his wife."
"That's the only job I didn't give two weeks' notice at."
"This is not even remotely as bad as others, but babysitting a three-year-old who was obsessed with stairs."
"The kid lived on the first floor of an apartment building and had never really gotten to play on stairs until I was looking after her at my place while her mom was working late and their regular babysitter was unavailable."
"I was 13 or 14 at the time, I think. You can only chase a kid up and down the stairs for so long before you want to curl in a ball and sleep for two days. I played several sports at the time too."
"But after literal hours of her wanting me to chase her up and down the stairs, I wanted to die. Even our dog, a hyper lab mix, had long since pooped out and went off to sleep somewhere, lol (laughing out loud)."
Everyone has their workplace horror stories, but there typically will always be that one workplace that was particularly bad with one day that served as the ultimate deal breaker. At least these experiences help us to appreciate the better opportunities that come along!