People Reveal The Major Pros And Cons Of Being 'Friends With Benefits' With Someone
Friends, especially great friends share a lot in life.
We share secrets, memories, joy, sorrow and in some cases... sex.
Is this a good idea or an unmitigated disaster?
The jury is still out.
It works for some and is a disaster for others.
Plus it can muddle the history of the relationship.
So what do people do?
Let's find out...
Redditor thunderchild10 wanted to discuss everyone's thoughts on the friends with benefits scenario, so they asked:
"What's your opinion of friends with benefits?"
I've never done FWB.
I feel robbed.
After a while...Friends With Benefits Herkenbaar GIF by GoPlayGiphy
"Fun, and fine for a while, but less fulfilling than a relationship. Also, you both need to be good at compartmentalization, otherwise one of you will likely end up catching feelings."
"My FWB caught feelings even though we were always clearly communicated as FWB. We were both in a big but really close friends group. I got a gf (she had recently had a bf as well) and she got mad. I ended up losing all my friends. It’s been 4 years, and she actually successfully managed to get 20+ ppl to forget I exist."
The Rule of Three
"I had 3 throughout college. Two ended in us dating and then breaking up. The only one that worked and lasted two years was me and an ex from high school. We never hung out but were cool after our breakup. Didn’t speak for like three years and then when we were in college we saw each other at the bar, hooked up that night, then like two days later she asked if I wanted to meet up and I said sure."
"Then it just continues for two years. We rarely spoke outside of the bedroom other than like ‘pick me up from the bar’. Overall it was cool but I think it’s very rare. You have to find two people who just don’t have any desire for each other other than when horny, which a lot of times is not the case in one side"
"I honestly don't understand it at all. Having any sexual relation with a person whom I don't love and who doesn't love me seems pointless and even scary to me. I guess I am over-sensitive or something, because the thought of being so close to somebody without actually having a connection, an exclusivity, without knowing if this will ever happen again, is genuinely horrific to me."
"I don't care what others do in the bed and with whom, but this kind of relationship is just not for me."
For LifeCorona Snap GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy
"If they can provide Medical, Dental, Unemployment, and Retirement benefits then they’re a friend for life."
Benefits are benefits. I'm in.
Forevermarried single ladies GIFGiphy
"It didn't work out. We couldn't keep it just friends once we started the benefits. We will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks."
"Very messy. You gotta either be f"k buddies only, dating, or friends only. Trying to keep feelings out of FWB is too difficult."
"That's a great point. I agree that it's tough to keep feelings out of the equation. I think it's best to just be honest and open with your friend so that you both know the boundaries of the situation and can stick to them. That way, both parties can be sure that they're getting what they need out of the relationship."
"Seems iffy to me if you want the friendship to lay long term. Doesn't someone usually catch feelings, so after the FWB finds a partner they want to keep, it leaves the other party out. Especially if the new bf/gf doesn't want you to be friends with someone you've had sex with."
"Yes? No? I'm not into casual sex for myself, so am I off base?"
"A lot of people are saying 'someone always inevitably develops feelings' and that it ends badly, but that's not been my experience. I'm still friends with a few of my FWB's that I'm no longer sleeping with over the last couple of years and I'm genuinely happy for them that they've found relationships that make them happy. And I know of quite a few others similar to me."
In Sync...Sacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy
"A great plan when both participants are on the same page. Whether that is 'stay FWB' or 'hey we caught feelings, let's give a relationship a try'. A mess when only one participant catches feelings."
Don't get hurt...
"Terrible idea, someone always inevitably develops feelings and gets hurt."
"It can work sure, but in general, unless you're both 100% sure (which, how can you ever really be?) beforehand that you won't develop feelings for each other, I generally have seen it not work."
"In my personal experience, someone always had to break it off just as feelings were starting to arise. So yeah, be careful I guess."
What have we learned?
Communication is key.
Do you have any WTF FWB experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
People Break Down The Biggest Lies Pop Culture Teaches About Sex And Romance
Since silent films began, we have been inundated with love story after love story, where happily ever afters are easily doled out.
Pop culture has molded the idea of romance and pleasure for everyone... just around the riverbend, it seems.
And guess what?
It's all a lie.
Sorry, that came off as bitter.
Actually, I'm not sorry. I am bitter.
Damn you, Julia Roberts, for the unrealistic expectations you've passed on to us through all your movies.
Redditor dwightanddilbert wanted to discuss and dig into the truth about how we've been duped on matters of the heart and lust, so they asked:
"What’s the biggest lie pop culture taught us about sex and romance?"
I learned long ago to give up on the movie love dream. But they're still fun to watch.
Being Realbad romance....Giphy
"That love is easy and relationships will have romance just fall into your lap if it's meant to be. Real life is not a movie and it gives people a very wrong image of what a healthy relationship looks like."
"That there is a point you reach where you get your Happily Ever After. Then you just get to coast. That's not how relationships work - it's not the moment he tells you at the NYE party how he loves that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out or when you get married in a big ballgown."
"It's all the little moments, the everyday caring, the small affections and the avoidances of trust pitfalls. They add up to a Happily Now. But there's not a point you can hang your hat up and say, 'Okay. I got this marriage thing sorted out. Now I get to do whatever I want.'"
“What about sleep?!?!”
"That we’re supposed to have long sex sessions. Honestly a good 15-20 mins is pretty good for me."
"When I was 20ish I was in a car with a few coworkers. A couple of them got to talking about longest active session. The girl was 18 hours and the guy said 24 hours."
"All I could think was 'what about sleep?!?!' ( I’ve always loved sleeping). At the time I was with my now hubby and back then we were more the under 5 minute get the job done types. Now we appreciate longer sessions but I’m ready to tap out at 20 minutes. If we get to 45, he’s out of luck."
Know the Difference
"Persistence usually isn't romantic. It's usually creepy."
"Yep, thanks for mentioning it. I wasted many, many years pursuing that one guy I thought was the one. His friends liked me. He made compliments on my looks and on my skills. Everything seemed promising, so why didn't it turn out the way I wanted?"
"Well, surprisingly, some people just aren't romantically interested in you, no matter how much work you put into it. So easy to understand, but so hard to accept. Neither my stubbornness nor a miracle could turn the friendship we had into a relationship. Plus, I must've seemed desperate, which is unattractive as hell."
"It's okay to take your time, but it's also necessary to know when move on. Really just better for everyone."
Shut Up!Disney Wedding GIFGiphy
"For the love of God, DO NOT interrupt a wedding. It will not go how you think it will."
"As a joke at our friend's wedding some girl stood up and said wait. Literally every head turned around so fast and although it was known to the bride and groom as a joke I think everyone was thinking wtf and she was about as red as a tomato."
The drama queen in me knows it would be wrong, but who wouldn't love to witness a wedding interruption?!?!
MagicAnne Hathaway Actors On Actors GIF by PBS SoCalGiphy
"If you just take off your glasses and put your hair down, you'll be Anne Hathaway."
"That there's no such thing as clean up afterwards. Everyone just has a slight, post-coital, glisten and that's about as far as it goes. No awkward wet waddle. No wet spot on the mattress that gets cold way too quickly so you both bend your bodies around it so you can still snuggle without touching it."
"No sex towel that probably should've been washed about two weeks ago and is getting to the point where it might make a worthy substitute for a crowbar with how stiff it is."
"Oh, and if you do it in a horror movie, you're 100% gonna die."
"That sex always has to be very serious and profound. And I don't mean serious as in commitment, but as in how we behave. Some of the best sex I have ever had has involved cracking jokes."
"Or sleepy sex where the nights too late but you both just want to crank it out and sleep."
It can work...
"This is actually really untrue. While it is possible, and also, in my opinion, really rare for opposites to attract, they definitely do not a majority of the time. We tend to fall for people who are like-minded to us. People who have similar values, morals, thoughts, etc... to us."
"So I married an opposite. Has not been easy but I think has been really good for both of us overall. That being said if it ever fell apart I would 100% look for someone more like me. Everything, and I mean everything, is a lot of work and requires so much communication between us."
Get a ChanceBrendon Urie Flirt GIF by Panic! At The DiscoGiphy
"1- If you're a stalker, they'll eventually give you a chance."
"2- If you're the nice guy/the best friend, they'll eventually give you a chance."
"#2 messed me up for a very long time."
Lesson learned. Never trust the love stories in pop culture.
And fairytales lie!!
People Share The Best Responses To The Question 'Why Are You Still Single?'
Being single is not a crime.
It can in fact be a super power.
Alone, with no one to hold you down.
But no matter how powerful, you still have to explain why you can't find a partner.
Like, why are you so emotionally deficient you can't find someone to care about you?
It's all a mess no matter the answer.
So let's hear from the singles best of the best.
Redditor XqueezeMePlease wanted to hear the answers about why they do life alone, so they asked:
"What to respond when someone asks 'Why are you still single?'"
Single and unloveable.
That's my Tinder title.
TruthThe Gregory Brothers Writing It Down GIF by VidConGiphy
"'Because I have raging personality flaws that I'm unwilling to work on.'"
"Usually prevents any follow up questions."
"As a couple"
"'Have you seen the economy!?'"
"In this economy?? Hahaha but I know people that live together 'as a couple' just because is cheaper then separate. I live in Brazil, but I know Brazilians in Portugal that live in 3 couples in a small 3 bedroom condo, just because 6 peoples working to share a rent is the only way to make the month."
"Yeh, too anxious to talk even approach and even then I know that while I am trying to manage it, I don’t feel like I’m loveable or attractive because of it, but of course that could be the dysthymia talking. So why bother, I’ve just been learning how to be by myself seeing as that’s where things are heading."
"I don't meet people (who could be potential partners), and I think more and more that I am not a 'date' type of person."
"You missed the arranged marriage era it might have worked out for you, perhaps you could borrow someone’s overbearing Mother to find you a match."
"I have a couple of coworkers, one is Bangladeshi, the other is Indian. Their parents were like 'times are changing, you can marry for love if you want and we'll support you' and my coworkers were like 'wtf, you mean I'd have to DATE? F**k that, please find me a husband.'"
"Anyway one is now happily married and the other is constantly roasting her dad because he keeps offering her deadbeats riding on their dad's coattails."
PickyAlicia Silverstone Cherilyn Horowitz GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"Go full on Cher from Clueless: 'You see how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet!'"
God Bless 'Clueless.'
Drama!Braxton Family Values Drama GIF by WE tvGiphy
"Because I'd rather be alone and happy than dealing with someone else’s f**kin’ work drama and emotional problems. LOL."
"Being in a relationship seems so exhausting, I've been single for several years now and have absolutely no urge to date."
"That’s basically my response when my extended family asks this. They all have that small town, hurry up and settle down mentality, and are ALWAYS on my case about being single with no kids whenever I visit. Took me far too long to realize some of them are actually jealous. My money is MY MONEY. My time is MY TIME. I don’t have to confer with anyone before making a decision."
I live alone...
"I tell the truth. I'm shy and don't really meet new people. I've not added to my friend group, aside from partners of existing friends, in about 20 years. At work I have acquaintances from work - they're nice people but I don't communicate with them outside of work. I live alone, I work mainly alone, I don't have any hobbies or interest groups."
Tragedy"Dating in your 30s and 40s is either a game of 'Find the fault or tragedy' or taking on being a step-parent. I really don’t want to deal with either. My tragedy is I worked 10-16 hours a day, six days a week from 20-38, and it ruined two long-term relationships. Retired at 40, no regrets.
"It is hard to meet people in their 40s without kids or horrible issues! I actually got really lucky and found someone on tinder of all places lol. It took a year though. When I was single I didn’t have a lot of people ask me why. But I have resting b*tch face so maybe that was a factor. lol."
Thank you, Next...Flying Kiss Flirting GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
"I'd take it as a compliment as that means you don't have any obvious bad qualities that would make you undatable to them. Nobody would ever ask me that question lol as there are many obvious reasons they could come up with."
Being single isn't the worst.
Do you have any reasons why being single is a positive? Let us know in the comments below.
People Explain Which Things Parents Should Never Say To Their Children
Let's face it, when emotions are running high and something important is at stake, we're bound to make mistakes and either say or do the wrong thing.
This might even be especially true of parents.
But even if our angriest and most vulnerable moments, there are things we should never, ever say to a child.
Redditor son_of_x asked:
"What are things parents should never say to their children?"
"Don’t make your kids do the things you’re afraid to face."
"When I was a kid, my mom dumped all that s**t on me. Rent was late? I had to face the landlord. She’d try to convince me it was a fun game, like see how fast you can run to his door, drop a check in the mail slot, and run back to the car."
"Even at ten years old, I knew it wasn’t a d**n game. All she was doing was transferring her anxiety directly to me."
"Be honest with your kid about the s**tty situations you might be in, but don’t make them carry the weight in your place."
They're to Blame
"NEVER tell a child that the divorce is their fault."
"I remember back when I was like 10, my mom didn’t take me to school one morning because she was upset that the clothes in my dresser weren’t folded."
"My dad had to take me to school instead. And on the way there, he yelled, 'You’re tearing this family apart!’"
"I’m like... Bro, if unfolded clothes in a dresser are what tears this family apart, then you all have other sh*t to be concerned about."
"'Having you ruined my life,' is the worst I ever heard."
"'I don't remember that, that never happened!' when a kid brings up a past trauma."
"My MIL (Mother-in-Law)  is the healthiest human I know with the caveat that she has the usual ailments that affect old arteries, etc. She has three sons, my Dear Husband (70), a slightly older, quasi-celebrity brother, and a younger brother. They work like animals. They can’t help it, although they should try."
"Every single time my husband brings up a childhood memory, my MIL rebuffs it by saying the incident he’s recalling never happened. No one’s allowed to have a memory but her."
"It drives my husband (and me) up a wall. We live fairly close to her, but he struggles so much with spending time with her because of this."
"She just tells him, 'That’s not true.' Instead of embracing what he and they remember, she shuts them down."
"My mom stuck me on this super restrictive diet when I was 11. The entire diet was the whole reason I struggled with eating disorders in my childhood."
"I brought it up in therapy at 17 and at first, she claimed it never happened. Then she remembered talking to doctors about my weight, then googling diets for children, and then putting me on a diet sounded like something she would've done... but it still didn't happen."
"Gotta love her. But, to be honest, I can't even say I love my mom."
"I was the neglected child as she had four other kids, and I'm the middle one. After some point, I stopped wanting my mom's approval for anything."
"I actually had my therapist ask me what a good mother-daughter relationship would look like to me if we were to ever get close, and I honestly couldn't answer."
"It's weird to think that the one thing I wanted my entire childhood, I don't want now. At least not with my biological mother."
"My boyfriend's mom, on the other hand, is amazing, and I love the mother-daughter-like relationship we have. I'm still in awe that I even found a family that loves me as if I were their biological kid."
"Your opinion doesn’t matter."
"That one still haunts me and is the reason I never speak up."
Foster Care Warnings
"Threaten to send them to live in foster care if they don't do what the parent wants. My mother used to use that threat if she saw me picking my nose. I didn't realize how f**ked up that was until I was an adult."
"I remember my mom doing this. That I need to just stay in my room and be quiet, or she'd send me away. F**ked me up, man. I was probably around six."
"This is kind of a low bar as far as bad things my parents did goes (they also hit us for far dumber reasons than not eating our food)."
"When I was a kid, my parents were very controlling. Now, that meant, among other things, that they didn't let me go outside, for fear that neighbor kids would wander by and I'd hear things that went against my parents' ideologies. It also meant that they controlled exactly what and how much I ate. As in, if I didn't want to clean my plate, I was beaten."
"Well, I was also a fat kid, and given how much control I had over both my food intake and the exercise I could do (since I couldn't go outside), I didn't have much say in the matter."
"My parents gave me so much s**t about it over the years, though. Like, even if you were allowed to have some agency in your life, you shouldn't get that kind of s**t. It was pretty miserable."
"Anyway, when I went away to college, I was finally on my own, and I took charge of that. Everybody was warning me about the freshman 15, but I was looking at my intake. That's not great of course, but I lost a couple of pounds. Not even that much."
"And then I went back home for winter break, and my parents were all, 'Oh, you're too thin, you need to eat more,' and I was like, 'No, I'm good, thanks.' At one point, my dad said, 'Eat more or I'm kicking you out of my house.'"
"And so I gained that weight back over the break, and by the end, they were back to giving me s**t about it."
"So, I dunno. Maybe don't be such a d**k about your kid's weight. Certainly not with demands and expectations that oscillate between two extremes like they did."
"'Until you start paying bills, you have no rights, so you’re d**n right I’m coming into your room whenever I feel like it, and I can take anything I want from it, too, because it’s actually mine.'"
"'You’re too stupid and lazy to be able to make it in the real world. And if someone ever did hire you, they’d fire you as soon as they realized what a mistake they’d made.'"
"'You have no idea how much you cost me. I could do X, Y, or Z things if I didn’t always have to pay for your crap.'"
"'We’re free thinkers in this house,' but then rages when I express a thought/opinion that’s different than theirs."
"'You’re just a kid, what do you have to be depressed about?' or 'You have nothing to be depressed about.'"
"After I told a doctor how I was actually feeling, they said, 'You can’t be that stressed, you’re just a kid! Are you trying to make me look like a bad parent?!'"
"Yes, I’m in therapy now."
"Don't tell kids they're useless. The variant I used to get from Dad was posed as a question, 'Are you good for ANYTHING?!'"
" I mean, how was eight-year-old me supposed to answer that?"
"High school valedictorian, graduated from one of the US services academies, have a good, steady career, and live 2000 miles from where I grew up (wonder why?). But I was more into reading than outdoor sports, hunting, or working in our garden all summer, so not 'manly' enough for him at the time."
"It took until my mid-50s before we became close, and he passed away two months ago. Lots of wasted time."
"My dad antagonizing me purposely and then saying, 'dOn'T bE sO sEnSiTiVe,' when I get upset about the s**t he says."
An Important Reminder
"Moms, stop criticizing your body in front of your daughters!!"
"Seriously! My mother would say that she hated her body and that we looked 'so alike' in the same breath, it was very damaging."
"Comparing them to others, talking about their weight, focusing on the negatives or their wrongdoings, constantly dismissing them, unwilling to hear their opinions because of the 'I'm right, you're wrong' mentality."
"There's so much."
"Always punishing and complaining about what you shouldn't do, but never saying or rewarding what you should."
The Perfect Rebuttal
"'I brought you into this world. I can take you out of it,' was my mom's favorite."
"What I wish I would have said back: 'No, you can't. You'd be arrested, and the world would view you as a monster and a psychopath.'"
While parenting carries with it a lot of demands, there are certain things that absolutely should not be done, including statements that should never be uttered.
It's clear the damaging impact they have when they are used. Avoid them at all cost.
Not all knowledge is power.
Some knowledge is straight-up horror-inducing.
I mean, I suppose it's good to know as much bad stuff as possible so we can try to avoid it all.
Redditor Possible_Hawk495 wanted to hear about all of the worst possible things in life, so they asked:
"What is a disturbing fact you wish you never knew?"
I'm not sure I'm ready for this...
"WARNING - The following is not for the faint of heart or anyone under 17. Or anyone with a pulse probably..."
PreferencesWhitney Houston Reaction GIFGiphy
"It's illegal in India to find out the gender of your baby, because so many prefer boys over girls."
"Just like China, they don't think long term enough about it."
While You Were Sleeping
"That one can be aware they are in coma and not able to get out of it. I get anxious just thinking about it."
"I’ve been in a coma, it’s different experiences based on the conditions, I believe. I was in it when I had multiple organ failure when I was 22."
"Even though you’re aware, I wouldn’t equate my experience to being fully aware and stuck. It kind of feels like when you wake up from a very very deep nap, and things seem fuzzy. Weirdly enough being in that state for a few week was some of the most peaceful my body ever felt being honest."
"Just how painful and torturous extreme radiation sickness is."
"Between that video and the scene in HBO’s Chernobyl where the firefighter is screaming for help in the hospital as his skin falls off, I have learned not to be too cavalier about the use of nuclear armaments or nuclear safety."
The usual suspects...
"After any significant natural disaster or conflict starts up, human traffickers swarm to the country looking for unattended children. Law enforcement will start watching ports of entry for the usual suspects... the usual suspects."
Good LordRed Carpet Teeth GIF by Recording Academy / GRAMMYsGiphy
"A toddler's adult teeth are right below their eyes."
"Yeah, I saw a photograph of a small child's skull with part of the area around the jaw removed and it's just packed with teeth."
My teeth were where? OMG!
From the Inside
"Tarantula hawks are giant flying wasps that sting tarantulas, inducing paralysis. They then drag the paralyzed tarantula back to their nest and lay eggs in them. The eggs hatch, and the larvae slowly devour the still-alive, paralyzed tarantula from the inside."
"Rabies. Just everything about rabies."
"Once you're symptomatic, 99.99% fatality rate and that 'lucky' iota that survive in medically-induced comas end up with permanent neurological damage. Also, the horrifying hallucinations."
"Rabies is pretty interesting. if you are vaccinated then it's 100% preventable, if not your chance of dying is 99.9%."
After the Hatch
"I remember watching an episode of the show Monsters Inside Me where this 16-year-old kid was doing something outside and a fly flew into his eye. It only made contact for about a microsecond, but it was enough time for it to lay eggs. After they hatched they started eating his eye from the inside and he was starting to go blind until a doctor finally figured out what was wrong."
"Just imagine that, getting your eye eaten from the inside and losing your sight all because a fly very briefly made contact with you. Ever since I learned about this I get really paranoid when there is a fly around my face because of the fact that this could possibly happen to me."
The Spine Attack
"A guy I used to work with had either a condition or got a virus (I don't remember which, this was about 20 years ago) that attacked his spine; he went to bed fine and woke up the next day totally paralyzed from the waist down. He spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair. There was no slow progression, just walking fine one day and completely unable to walk the next."
"I just looked up his obituary (he passed in 2011) he apparently had Transverse Myelitis that led him to become paralyzed."
Put it BackGiphy
"Seems obvious when you think about it, but after an autopsy, they don't put everything back where they found it. It goes in a bag in the abdominal cavity."
Well I'll never sleep again.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.