Professionals Share The Strangest Thing They've Encountered In Someone Else's Home
Professionals Share The Strangest Thing They've Encountered In Someone Else's Home
[rebelmouse-image 18359007 is_animated_gif=People are weird. Okay well... we're all weird. But we all don't know that because we do so well at hiding it. If our neighbors knew what we were all hiding from one another in our homes, we'd all be sleeping with pepper spray. The service men and women of the world who enter homes on the regular hold all the real secrets. Oh the things they must see... or, the things they'll never be able to unsee! Some poor fool is arriving to unclog your toilet, he doesn't need to be witness to your crystal meth orgy.
Redditor _theknights-whosay-Ni is dying for the gossip on all the things people are hiding in their homes by asking... _People who enter homes for a living (Maintenance, cable contractors, etc), what's the strangest thing you've encountered when entering someone's home?
I HATE CRABS!
I worked for a beach house rental company when I was in college. And part of my job was to go inspect houses to make sure that everyone had left before the cleaners came. So there was this one house. The renters had left on Friday. But because of some holiday, cleaners weren't going to be there until Monday. I walked in the house on Monday morning and was hit in the face with something pungent and wrong.
The smell was incredibly strong. Whatever was there had been there a couple of days. It was the kind of organic rot that doesn't just happen overnight. I looked all over the house. I couldn't find anything out of sorts. The house was, actually, remarkably clean. I go into the kitchen and the smell is strongest there, but I can't find its source. The refrigerator was empty and clean, the garbage cans had been emptied, and I couldn't figure out where this awful smell of death was coming from.
Then I opened the dishwasher. And the smell was so bad that I almost threw up and passed out. So, here's the thing. There used to be this trendy life hack thing where you could essentially steam fish in the dishwasher. What you do is you take a piece of fish and you wrap it in foil and you put it in the dishwasher on the top rack and you run it on a cycle without detergent. And the heat from the steam and hot water cooks the fish.
Welp, these geniuses decided that they were going to do that, but with crabs. So they jammed about three dozen live crabs into the dishwasher, and then filled the detergent tray with Old Bay seasoning. They must have been drunk when they tried this. And it didn't work. Worse, once they realize that the dishwasher wasn't hot enough to cook or even kill all the crabs, they gave up. But they didn't take any of the crabs out of the dishwasher.
In any event, they let the things sit there. And sit there. And sit there. Nobody cleaned it out, despite the smell that was growing in the house. I'll never forget that smell. Clever idea. Absolutely atrocious execution.
LET BUGS GO!
[rebelmouse-image 18359008 is_animated_gif=I used to do estimates for a solar energy company. One house I went to in Pennsylvania was an old 1800's farm house. People who lived there seemed normal other than a bunch of clutter all around. That quickly changed... Asked to see their breaker panel in the basement and was led down a winding skinny stair case to a dirt floor basement with no ventilation (doors, windows) and no less than 100+ rabbits. IN CAGES. FLOOR TO CEILING. ENTIRE PERIMETER OF THE BASEMENT. Felt like I was breathing through a straw because of the ammonia from the rabbit pee and poop that was covering the floor. Asked if they breed and sell rabbits or something and he answers "kinda." I'm positive that was their main food source for the family and rabbit was on the menu every night of the week.
NOW I'M GOING TO CRY...
[rebelmouse-image 18348512 is_animated_gif=I deliver pizza. The creepiest thing I ever saw was a corridor in a house lined with pictures/painting of crying children. Just...why?
Another customer had a almost naked life sized world of Warcraft character right behind the door. I jumped the first few times I went to his place.
THE SEAGULL...
[rebelmouse-image 18359009 is_animated_gif=Cleaning crew.
We arrive at the house, the owners are gone. We get to cleaning. We notice they have a lot of seagull memorabilia around the house. We are then told that the owners have a pet seagull. Every day at 3pm, they come home and feed a single seagull a hot dog they cook just for it.
And apparently they've been doing this for years. So sure enough, we looked for the seagull but couldn't find one.
3 PM comes around and the owners come home. Right as we are leaving, one lone seagull swoops down, perched on their porch, and they started cooking it's hot dog. That was interesting to say the least.
50 SHADES ALL DAY...
[rebelmouse-image 18359010 is_animated_gif=I was moving ceiling tiles in order to run a new line, and a sex swing fell out. It was bolted into the 8x8 main support. Needless to say the line I was running took a slight detour.
NEVER SLEEP AGAIN...
[rebelmouse-image 18979762 is_animated_gif=I'm not the one entering homes, but we recently underwent renovations at my family home. When I was 18, my parents commissioned a painting for me that was meant to showcase my love for a certain video game series. (It's tradition to get a portrait done when we hit 18 in my family.)
The painting turned horrifically - a very realistic version of my face plastered on an anime-style body next to the main character of the series, who was also in an anime style (it was based off of key art from the series). Worst of all, this painting is like 1.5 meters tall and hanging on the wall that is immediately facing the door. I can't take it down lest I offend my parents, as they don't think it looks "THAT bad."
I'm pretty sure I scarred the guy for life. That, or he things I'm obsessed/in love with a cartoon.
SHARPEN THE BLADES...
[rebelmouse-image 18979763 is_animated_gif=I used to do hvac and one time i went to go fix a guys furnace and he was pretty wasted. He ended up being a interesting guy. He was a pilot and then they let him go for "no reason." was in the army. Very smart but paranoid guy. Always thought we were going to get bombed (I'm from Canada). Anyways when i went downstairs he had a ton of throwing knives and tons of thick wood with holes right through it. He ended up giving me some tips and wrote like 5 pages about how to throw knives and gave it to me and a few free knives. I wish I kept them.
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE SCENE...
[rebelmouse-image 18979764 is_animated_gif=I was a cable installer.
I worked all over Southern California. I had people answer the door with guns, answer the door butt naked, even answer it with someone tied up in the living room (sexually).
YOU DIRTY RAT...
[rebelmouse-image 18979765 is_animated_gif=I'm a Code Enforcement Officer for my City, and recently I responded to a complaint about a house that had dead rats all over the outside, and according to the complaint, it was so bad, you could see rats crawling in the yard and through the windows. We get a lot of people complaining about rats, and RARELY is it an actual rat problem. Usually, it's just mice. I had already issued orders on this house for something else, and had been in contact with the owner. When I went to speak with her previously, I was nearly knocked off the porch by the smell on her, but I couldn't see anything inside the house, and I can't write a violation notice on a person's hygiene.
Well, I went back to investigate to claim of dead rats outside in the yard, and sure enough, there are at least four of them just in the front yard. Based on this, the smell, and complaints from the neighbors and even a police officer, I probably could have obtained a search warrant, but I decided to contact the owner and see if she would let me in. I had asked once and she said no, but it was worth a shot.
When I called her, she said that she was having a problem with her roommate, and wasn't spending much time there anymore. She asked if I could do anything to help get him out of the house. I told her that I couldn't help her evict anyone, but if the sanitary conditions inside were as bad as I suspected, my inspection might result in him being vacated. I asked what the inside of the house was like, and she said that the floors in the kitchen were just bad and needed to be replaced. But still she agreed to let me in.
A few days later, I showed up with my supervisor and a city police officer (her roommate had a violent criminal record). We go inside, partially at the roommate's request because he had the nerve to call in a complaint on her, and find a house that I now call The Jumanji House, because it looks like we interrupted a game. The rat infestation was so bad, I observed multiple of them running around, one even brushed passed my boot. Anyone who knows about vermin and pests can attest to the fact that an infestation has to be VERY bad to even see one in the daytime. The carpets and floor were covered in rat droppings and dog poo. The floor in the kitchen was indeed bad, so bad that they had to move the fridge into the living room to stop it from sinking into the basement.
At one point, the roommate was showing us around, and as he entered one of the bedrooms, he stopped short and looked at us and said, "Oh. Um, this looks bad." My supervisor and I just looked at each other, wondering what the hell could be in there that was any worse than the rest of the house - perhaps a portal to hell?! It was just a freshly killed rat on a dresser that he hadn't yet tossed out the window.
Yeah, we vacated them immediately.
PEOPLE ARE INTO WHAT THEY'RE INTO...
[rebelmouse-image 18346749 is_animated_gif=My brother in law interned with a law enforcement agency, got close with his supervisors. One of the supervisors told him a story about a time he was a patrol officer in Georgia. They were doing some investigation into a crime (something not super major, like auto theft or something). They knock on this guys door to ask him a couple questions. A young woman answers and says the man isn't home, and that she rents out a room from him. They ask her a few questions, what's this guy like? Any odd behaviors or schedule? She says, yeah, I'm actually trying to move out of this place, this guy is super weird. She cracks the door open so the officers can see inside. In the living room there is a crockpot full of sex toys. She tells them there is a similar crockpot in every room of the house.
I'll gobble up pretty much anything.
But I do have my limits.
All people have culinary limitations.
Some menus, as fabulously touted as they are, just don't do it for everybody.
Everything popular is not everybody's cup of tea... or cake, for that matter.
Redditor Complete-Sweet5222 wanted to discuss the menu, so they asked:
"What is the most overrated cuisine?"
I won't do french cuisine. No snails. No way.
That's just me.
Fancy Schmancy
Chrissy Teigen Cupcake GIF by Billboard Music AwardsGiphy"Fancy cupcakes. Every ‘designer’ cupcake I’ve had has been incredibly dry. I just don’t get why they charge $5-$10 per serving, but the quality of the cake is below a Walmart sheet cake."
ThoseArentCarrots
"I make cupcakes sometimes. Over baking and day old baked products tend to dry out. A lot of the fancy desserts take time to build, which means the cupcakes have been sitting out for a while."
Stinkerma
Shock
"Not really a cuisine per se, but ‘shock food.' You know those giant milkshakes with whole slices of cake and candy on top, or quadruple cheeseburgers with so much cheese it’s running everywhere. It’s just not practical/tasty and really only exists to get a cool picture."
viillanelles
"I made the mistake of getting one of those milkshakes exactly once. It was fun to get and then you realize you just paid 20 bucks for a normal milkshake and grocery store sheet cake."
ceigetank
Be Simple
"Complicated burgers. Some a good but others have far to much on to eat without disassembly or using a knife and fork."
MedicalUprising
"Also I hate when they have overly elaborate names. I want to verbally order a cheeseburger, not the ‘big wet sloppy double daddy burger.'"
Guava_
"I totally agree. I hate being embarrassed to order something. There used to be an ice cream shop that had funky names for sizes. I had to stop going because I could not stop giggling at having to say 'no, I don’t want a zinger, I would like a zooper.”
bakay138
Premiums...
"Our family has been restaurant investors for 40 years. High end French cuisine using offal or organ meats."
"These dishes are pushed because the costs of these types of meats are very low and produce a huge profit margin. Also, the lack of experience with guests cooking these types of dishes for themselves mean very few patrons complain about authenticity. Usually a chef will throw his/her twist in the menu."
"Most customers can tell the difference between a great pizza and a mediocre one. They'll remember a great steak - but a restaurant may be paying huge premiums to fly that Waygu in from Japan or for your Flintstone tomahawk. Whereas, a local butcher shop will gladly unload offal and such with glee due to low demand. You'd be surprised as to how little we paid for cow brains for example."
rayrayrayray
No Silver?
gold GIFGiphy"Gold-flaked cuisine."
bushbeanbuddy
"God, why did it take me so long to realize you were talking about literal flakes of gold? I read this three times and thought, 'What a weird way to describe fried food.'"
bygollyollie
Gold is meant to spend not eat.
Price Point
Excited Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy"The most expensive dishes. 'Yeah, man these diamonds sautéed in truffle oil and emerald dust are good, but do you have a cheeseburger?'"
gmen_forever
For All...
“'Something for everyone' restaurants. Anywhere where the menu has a ridiculously extensive offering. If I’m flipping multiple pages and not even halfway, I just know everything is about to taste questionable."
low_power_mode
"Several of my local Mexican restaurants have 8-page menus. All the dishes use some combination of tortillas, cheese, peppers, onions, avocados, beans, chicken, and beef, it's just the proportions and presentation that differ from one to another!"
MatttheBruinsfan
Pork Scents
"No cuisine, but I am sick of the whole 'bacon life' meme. It was funny for a couple of decades, but enough already. Bacon 'flavored' anything is disgusting."
SirReal_Realities
"One time in college I ordered bacon flavored popcorn."
"When I popped it in the communal microwave it smelled so awful that we had to open all the windows and evacuate until it had aired out enough for us to Febreze the rest away. It tasted like death. A couple guys threatened to beat me up if I popped any more. Some things just don't need to be bacon flavored. Popcorn is one of them."
Waffle_Maestro
Portions
"Rather than pick on a specific nationality or style of cuisine I'll talk about presentation."
"Any restaurant where portion sizes get smaller as the price goes up is the very height of epicurean pretentiousness. Like if they actually serve you enough food to be satisfied, it might as well be McDonald's."
"I spent a lot of years working in restaurants, and the ironic thing is what's on your plate is by far the smallest expense in serving that plate to you. There's no reason for tiny portions other than pretentious do*chebaggery."
McFeely_Smackup
Shrimp Then?
"Lobster. It’s fine, it’s just not really worth it’s cost imo. I also like eating it in things rather than by itself. The lobster rolls I had in Maine were much better than lobster straight up."
babythrottlepop
Food should be more affordable.
Do you have and foodie quibbles you'd like to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
We go to the movies to escape reality.
Nothing is more transportive than watching our favorite Marvel heroes face off with their nemesis in an epic battle or going to Middle Earth and following the journeys of different-sized protagonists.
While we may never truly experience their worlds in reality, there are other films deeply routed in real-life that are still a welcome distraction from the stresses of our daily lives.
But there's one thing that separates truth from fiction, and that is plausibility.
Moviegoers offered examples of the things that don't fly in real life when Redditor qbl256 asked:
"What only works in movies?"
Courtroom antics are better left up on the big screen.
Anything Goes In Court
"Doing whatever you want in a courtroom as long as you are 'going somewhere with it.'"
– aperson7780
Ignoring Protocol
"Any random person being able to walk up and present new evidence."
– shegedep
Respecting Boundaries
"Also, yelling at a judge and invading the judges personal space always works out ok."
– Slytherian101
Action movies are entertaining because of its heightened sequences that are more convincing on film.
Violent Tactic
"Conveniently knocking someone unconscious so they're not bothering you for several minutes while you do secret stuff. Without killing them or serious brain damage."
"Actually lampshaded in Archer."
– yParticle
Piercing Glass
"Jumping through shattering glass windows and surviving without lacerations all over."
– Glock43xyz
It's Lit
"Shooting a gas tank so it explodes."
"Or removing a bullet from yourself and then you're fine."
– midunda
The Perfect Aim
"Shooting a lock to open it is my favorite. Sure shooting a lock will break it, but you just broke it in the locked position. Now it’s even harder to open."
– Studio_Life
It's Such A Blast
"Running away from an explosion and letting the blast push you to safety."
– ImInJeopardy
Certain elements are added to elevate a scene–which only proves, "yeah, that's not real-life."
Sonic Aftermath
"A hushed conversation immediately after shooting a gun indoors without ear protection."
– KyOatey
Street Vendor At The Wrong Time & Place
"Someone pushing a fruit cart across a street just as you’re speeding by. I’ve never seen a moving fruit cart otherwise. Or seen a fruit cart, actually."
– Double-Elevator619
No Time For Recovery
"Running for a very long time and then being able to talk normally."
– Ruminations0
What I always get a kick out of is when the distressed character attempts to flee from a knife wielding, masked home intruder by running up the stairs instead of going out the backdoor.
Like, why make the escape route that much more difficult by adding another obstacle like jumping out the window or being trapped in the closet until the inevitable moment of death?
Oh, right, it extends the tense sequence to prolong the final moments of the soon-to-be victim.
Ah, gotta love the movies.
Sometimes we need a night out or to take a break from our cooking, and it's nice to go to a restaurant.
But from bad food to even worse service, there are details about the dining experience that can ruin the whole night out.
Redditor raymorude asked:
"What ruins a restaurant?"
Yelling at Your Date
"When the background music is too loud."
- CrystalQueen3000
"WHAT?!"
- ColoradoScoop
"WHEN THE BACKGROUND MUSIC IS TOO LOUD."
- CrystalQueen3000
Not to Mention Terrible Acoustics
"We went to a small restaurant that had a live band rocking out on a Wednesday night while a bunch of families tried to eat their dinners."
"We couldn't hear one another at our own table, couldn't hear the waitress, etc. Unsurprisingly, they went out of business."
"Live music is great if you're not eating in a shoebox-sized restaurant, and the band isn't trying to void the warranty on their speakers."
- dragon_wryter
Full Disclosure
"When they don’t put a price on the menu. It makes me not want to order anything just in case it comes out to $30 per dish, but I also feel embarrassed to ask for the price of each item."
- Theoldage2147
Over-Stimulating
"I personally like a dark and quiet atmosphere where I can sit in a high-backed booth and enjoy my meal with my family. Restaurants that are too open, too bright, and have loud music playing in the background ruin it for me personally."
- X_brokeham_X
"People underestimate how much atmosphere can make somewhere a lot less appealing."
"Once I found a chill, quiet, British-style pub with nice wooden booths and furniture where you could relax with a beer and actually talk to people, I realized why I hated going out before. I just needed a better atmosphere."
- PolkaWillNeverDie00
That Luke-Warm Feeling
"Slow service coupled to food not served hot enough because it's been sitting in the kitchen too long waiting to be delivered."
- Back2Bach
Hilariously Bad Food
"There's a famous restaurant in Denver called Casa Bonita that had legendarily bad food. I went there once as a kid, hated it, and never went back."
"But people love it and will try to convince you to go. If you point out that the food is terrible, they will even agree with you but say that it's worth it for the atmosphere. And I'm always like, it's a RESTAURANT! Who cares about the atmosphere if the food is terrible?!"
"I heard a few years ago that it's under new ownership. No idea if the food got any better."
- KatieCashew
Just... Bugs.
"A lot of good answers here but bugs top them all for me. The restaurant could have a 10/10 atmosphere, food, drinks, waitstaff, etc… but if I’m trying to swat flies away from my face and food every 10 seconds, my experience is ruined."
"I’ve left places due to this. One of my favorite places in a downtown area has an amazing outdoor patio, but there’s a bee problem there they refuse to deal with. It’s a deal breaker!"
- Strongbad23
Declining Food Quality
"Cutting quality to save money. Sometimes prices need to change, I get that as frustrating as it can be (and in all fairness that can ruin a restaurant for me just because of my budget, but I think that's an exception), but cutting quality to save money doesn't just make your food worse, it makes your image worse to your regulars."
- ParkityParkPark
Young Diners
"Children on loud devices, so d**n annoying."
- Salt_Section_651
Too Many Options
"A menu that's way too freaking big, saying this as a food service worker."
- N1hili
Not Enough Choices
"When you see a menu with like four items to choose from, you better believe all four options better be perfectly delicious."
- zuck_my_butt
So Fast-Paced
"I personally can’t stand when the bussers or servers are going at 100% speed. Makes me feel anxious and like I need to be eating quicker."
"I worked at a restaurant like this and they were borderline abusive and my coworkers would literally be sprinting around trying to get 10 things done at once. I prefer a relaxing environment and I’ll wait a bit longer to get my food."
- reignthepain
Not All Karaoke is Good Karaoke
"I went to a small restaurant that I've liked before. For some reason, the owners decided to put up a karaoke machine in the middle of the place. With the size of the place and how loud the machine was, you could hear everything at any table."
"We sat down, heard a kid trying to sing 'Let It Go' full-blast and all decided to leave."
- KingOfSheepX
Unhappy Staff
"When they don't treat/pay their staff well. You can tell, especially if you've worked in the industry, and it seeps into every aspect of the place. You can practically feel it oozing out of the walls."
- Hey_Its_Crosby
Nightmare Fuel
"Waitstaff walking towards me carrying a cake and singing Happy Birthday..."
- ccl_now
While dining out can be an awesome experience, there are obviously things that can ruin the whole vibe. But it's clear from these diners that there are certain details that will be a deal breaker, no matter what.
People Break Down What Absolutely Ruins A Good Burger For Them
Most people love a good burger, and many, many American restaurants serve them, but not all burgers are created equal.
Super tall burgers that are hard to eat, way too much sauce (or only a tiny bit of sauce on the middle of the bun), soggy lettuce — there are lots of ways to ruin a burger.
Redditor TheKeyMaster365 asked:
"What Instantly Ruins A Burger For You?"
Bad Tomatoes
"Nothing kills a burger faster than a bad tomato"
- EccentricEngineer
"Tomato can be okay if you're eating it right now but tomato on it togo burger or sandwich almost always makes the bread soggy."
- sploittastic
"I don't object to the taste of tomato in a burger, but I despise the actual tomatoes themselves. They're too slippery, so they always end up squeezing out and, somehow, falling on anything except the plate."
- AmazingSpacePelican
"When the tomato has that hard area in the middle (the core I guess?). Gross."
- breadfan1988
Lack of Structural Integrity
"Poor construction. When it flies out the other end. Stick everything together with a blob of sauce."
- IAmStevie420
"Too much sauce can make the bun disintegrate and it becomes a soggy mess."
- caligaris_cabinet
"You’ve identified an important problem but I’m not sure about the effectiveness of the proposed solution"
- aspannerdarkly
Too Much Sauce
"I do enjoy sauces on a burger, but to a point. If I end up having to hold a soggy mess, I'm not going to enjoy the burger nearly as much."
"Also tall burgers. The two also go together to make an awful burger experience"
- krispyboiz
"If I have to wipe/clean my hands after every bite, it is an unpleasant experience."
- meatpipeline
"I hate it when the first bite launches a glob of sauce out the other end."
- Mataraiki
"I feel the same way and thought I was in the minority. If I pick up a burger, take a bite, and immediately need 4-5 napkins, it's not worth it."
- CrochetyNurse
Old Lettuce
"Watery old lettuce. One time I got a burger with terrible lettuce.. it tasted like it came straight out of a lake.. from then I avoid that place saying 'they have lake lettuce.'"
- heckpants
"Limp, watery, garbage lettuce ruins so many things. If you can't get quality lettuce, please leave it off! Restaurants sneak it on without putting it on the menu and you can't just take it off because the wateriness has already soaked into everything else."
- fraud_imposter
Hard-boiled Egg
"I once ordered a breakfast burger that was advertised as having, among other toppings, 'egg.' I imagine a nice fried egg or at least a scrambled egg patty of sorts. No, the monstrosity that came out had a quartered, hard-boiled egg on it. Just terrible - what self-respecting chef would serve that?"
- jokinglyserious1
"Filing this under 'things that feel illegal'"
- theonelittledid
"As someone in the industry, a breakfast lover, and a burger lover, this is honestly one of the most offensive things I've seen on reddit."
- Starscream5
Runaway Patty
"When the patty slips out the other side."
- F35LTNG
"This is a corollary to the massive height complaint. Make a burger wide, not tall, and it won't slip out."
- soulcaptain
"PSA: The toothpick on top of your burger is not for decoration, but they are a functional tool to prevent the contents to fall out."
- moxedana02
Humans Can't Unhinge Their Jaws
"Being too big to fit in your mouth. Pointless. Might as well just throw it all on a plate, and call it 'deconstructed burger'"
- gallows4p0werm0ds
"Yeah, make burgers wider not taller."
- PPLifter
"If I gotta unhinge my jaw like a snake to eat something, I'm not ordering it. It's incredibly annoying and a lot of work. A burger should be a hand held food. If I need a knife and fork, what's the point?"
- megaloduh
"I’ve had a few burgers in my time where I have actually just taken it apart and put it on my plate to slowly eat. It is frustrating."
- TL3490
Soggy Buns
"Wet untoasted bun"
- Ruminations0
"Nothing worse than taking a bite of a soggy bun. Also the reason why I don’t like tomatoes in my burger"
- Pelagius_Hipbone
"Looking at you, Five Guys. $20 burger and it's not even toasted. They tell me it is, but why is it a soggy mess only a couple minutes after it was made?"
"Untoasted bread is acceptable, just a matter of choice. Now, a burger where bread is all soggy because there's tomato or wet lettuce touching it is almost a negligence by the person who made it."
- HYPERNOVA3_
Too Much Conversation
"People that want to talk while I'm eating a burger."
- BlowFrog303
"And then gets mad when you don't respond... Like can't you see I'm chewing?!.."
- IdkTheMeaningOfLife
"I have a mate who, whenever we go for a burger, all of a sudden feels the need to start asking me all these questions about my personal life as soon as I start eating:"
"'What your dad up to at the moment?'"
"'Have you been to your brother's house lately?'"
"'What sort of stuff has your mum been doing since she retired?'"
"'Is your brother still in touch with his ex?'"
"I'm one of those people who sort of gets into a zone while eating so firing a load of questions at me very much kills the 'vibe' I'm on!"
- thisishardcore_
My Wallet Hurts
"When they cost $20+"
- cuttingwoodisfun
"Yeah, I’m fine paying $20 if it’s something good. Bison burger for $18? F*ck yeah! Even just something like local grass fed beef. F*ck yeah!"
- UnbrandedContent
"I went to a burger place by me once, got a burger, loaded fries, and one beer. It wasn’t a sit down place, you order at the counter like it’s fast food but they give you a number to take and they bring your food to the table."
"It was $40. There’s a reason I only went once, and the burger was good but not $40 good."
- Old-Sor
"That does certainly make a burger, no matter how delicious, unappetizing 😵💫"
- TheKeyMaster365
Burgers Are Supposed To Be Boneless
"Bits of bone! I regularly bite down on these at Camino. I kept giving them the benefit of the doubt and tried again multiple times but I haven’t been back in a while because of it."
"This a the real answer. A chunk of bone will ruin your trust in burgers for a very long time."
- HubertFiorentini
"Wow! This brought back some repressed trauma. I bit into a burger over 20 years ago, and it had a bone chip in it. Biting into that (not expecting it) caused my tooth to crack. That tooth later became impacted and lead to the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. That was the worst burger by a long shot."
- rejectedstone
Why Is There So Much Bread?
"A dry bun or too much bun."
- mazlux
"100% … Bun to meat to topping ratio is paramount."
- djdaddyb
"Brioche. Brioche is a terrible choice for a burger bun and I don't understand why everyone is using it these days. Brioche is basically bread make with low-protein flour and lots of eggs."
"Also known as: CAKE, just drier and without any of the chew and texture of a properly made bread roll. Brioche sucks ass and that trend needs to die."
- RockleyBob
Cheese Should Be Melty
"Unmelted cheese - imagine taking your first bite and everything is warm and fresh, then your teeth hit a f*cking ice block."
- miraclechu
"this is why I dislike cheeseburgers. I avoid cheese on mine. and people think I’m f*cking weird."
- Synner40
Unwanted Toppings
"Pickles when I asked for no pickles."
- FrumundaMabawls
"And you can’t just pick em off. The whole fu*kin burger is contaminated if a pickle touches it."
- pyroboy101
"Same thing with mustard. No ... you can't just scrape it off."
- Beard_o_Bees
Making a good burger doesn't seem like it would be very hard, but there's a lot of ways things can go very wrong.
Now it's your turn. What absolutely ruins a burger for you? Let us know in the comments below.