Professionals Reveal The Dumbest Question a Client Has Ever Asked Them
Anyone who has to interact with clients or customers on a regular basis knows that people asked some really dumb things. Retail and call centers probably get the brunt of it, but obliviousness doesn't discriminate. Sometimes you just have to marvel at it, and then throw your head back and laugh. Yet, somehow, people function in society...
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Not thinking straight? Or just dumb?
Working in the back of an ambulance on a patient with a serious need of nitroglycerin to lower their blood pressure.
"Sir, before I give this medication to you, I need to triple check that you have not taken any ED drugs in the last 72 hours like Viagra or Cialis(rattles off all variations). If you have taken it and I give you this nitroglycerin, your blood pressure could drop dangerously low.
Have you taken any of these meds?
-Oh no, never.
Are you certain?
-oh yes, of course I am.
(Runs through potential deadly side effects again)
OK, hold this pill under your tongue.
-Does generic viagra count?
GAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Why do you do this?
Why won't this work? I tried nothing.
I get too many dumb questions to remember them all. Here's a dumb encounter that happened just yesterday. When sending confidential documentation, we would encrypt it and put a password on it. It's common practice to send the document and the password in two separate e-mails. I got a message from this guy saying he couldn't open the document I sent him.
Me: "Did you use the password?"
Client: "Yes. It said there was an error."
Me: "What password did you use?"
Client: "I just hit OK and it said that I had the wrong password."
Me: "Wait.. so did you type anything in?"
Client: "Well no."
Me: "Could you use the password that we provided you?"
Client: "I didn't think it would work so I deleted the e-mail."
What do you mean it wasn't a two-fer?
When I sent them an invoice. Sigh...
I work for an accounting firm. We did a project for them, wrapped it up, and billed it. A few months later, they came back with another project. So we did the work and gave them a bill.
They somehow thought that the new project was covered under the previous invoice.
We have wireless-charging laptops now?
A long time ago now...
Got a call that a user's laptop was dead and wouldn't power on.
I go and check it out. Press the button, no life. Plug it into the power, it starts charging. Press the button, it boots just fine.
The user wasn't plugging the laptop into power because she "thought we had wireless".
If you didn't reserve it, it's not reserved for you...
A group of four ladies sat on a table that is reserved for a group of regulars every day. Before I opened my mouth to let them know, one says 'we see a reserved sign but we are unsure exactly how "reserved" it is?'
Silly vet, boys don't have nipples.
Vet tech. A lot of people think their dog's nipples are ticks. A lot. One man even pulled a "but he's a boy!" on us.
What do you mean I have no money? This is a bank! Bank has money.
I used to work as a bank teller. A lady came up to me and asked to withdraw money. I informed her that she couldn't withdraw money, because her account was overdrawn. She was immediately upset, so I had her account checked for fraud. She then explained that all those charges were hers and she wasn't expecting any payments. She was spending money she knew she didn't have.
She then asked me why we couldn't just give her more money.
And math apparently isn't a thing.
"But why isn't there any money in my account? I put $500 in the other day!"
You check the account and see that they did indeed put $500 in the other day, but various bills have come out and they have made multiple purchases since then. So you go through every single transaction with them. The customer verifies every single one. You get to the end. "But why isn't there any money in my account? I put $500 in the other day!"
You go back and tell them what their account balance was when they deposited the $500. You go through each transaction again, this time telling the customer the balance of their account every time a transaction went through. They nod and again verify every single transaction and agree with each account balance you give them. You get to the end, hoping they'll finally understand that the reason they don't have any money is that they spent it all.
"But why is there no money in my account? I put $500 in the other day!"
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Just bizarre? Nah, this is dumb. Then again, it's not like credit card signatures are checked...
For my name.
Not the question itself but the reason why he asked. I was volunteering as a cashier at a used bookstore for the library---not my regular job but I do it often. In comes this older fella who buys a big stack of books for like ten bucks. He was really nice and chatty though he didn't seem completely aware mentally. Not a big deal, I just had to explain sales tax and the book pricing a couple times before he seemed to get it. He pays by credit card and I explain to him how to sign the touchscreen for the payment to go through. This is where he asks for my name. I tell him. He takes the iPad and says he really appreciated my service and happily tells me he's going to sign my name for the card so "they" will know to send the money to me. Before I can say "no wait," he's submitted the signature. I can't see his receipt but he keeps telling me I was great and to keep the change so I can assume he was being legit.
I honestly wouldn't call it dumb; just bizarre. Made me wonder if he's been signing cashier names the entire time he's had a credit card. Thank goodness the card companies never check those things.
The mystery may never be solved.
Mildly relevant: I used to work the counter in parts at Subaru and my manager was helping a customer (a rare occurrence for him) and he turned to me and asked me "How many days do we have for a 45 day return?"
Every night, the Washington Monument's bricks are rearranged, just to mess with people.
I work at a famous monument and I kid you not I've had people ask me whether we take it down at the end of each day, or whether it's been rearranged since they last visited.
I suggest you go.
When I asked, "For here or to go?" I got a confused look followed by "What would you recommend?"
It's obviously an abstract fence, a metaphorical fence.
Selling paint. Woman wants to paint her fence. I give her advice and explain to her how to prepare the surface. She then asks:
"Do I need anything to apply the paint?"
I'm like "Yeah a roller or a brush..."
She's like "Oh, I can just splash the paint on the fence?"
She was dead serious.
Woman, this is not Looney Tunes, this is the real world!
Fax machines aren't teleporters guys.
I worked at Kinkos and on 3 separate occasions, different people angrily asked me why I returned their faxed document to them. They thought that a fax machine was some kind of Willy Wonka thing that sent their original piece of paper to the recipient.
What a world it would be if cash could be faxed. Really?
I used to work in a call center for a large bank and a customer phoned while he was in one of the branches and said the queue was too big so he wanted me to help him. I asked what his query was and he said the ATM was broke so he had to withdraw cash. I asked how I could possibly help him withdraw cash from the bank over the phone and he said: "Why can't you just fax it to me?"
As daft as it sounds, I first asked him if he had a fax machine on him because if he wanted me to fax it to the branch he would still have to queue up to receive the money. He didn't have a fax machine on him.
What are these funny symbols and numbers on all your products?
C: How much is this?
Me: 50c, like the sticker says.
C: And this one?
Me: $1. All the items have labels on them with how much they cost.
C: Oh is that what those mean? That's clever.
(Not the slightest bit of sarcasm in their voice. I pressed slightly and found they were genuinely unaware of price labels.)
Nah, this job I'm doing isn't my job. I tow people's cars for fun.
While towing his car to a dealership, "So what do you do for a living?"
He was serious. He assumed I had another job because I didn't fit the Billy Bob persona he associated with tow truck drivers.
Ma'am, that's not how a library works.
Library. Once I checked out several books to a woman and told her the return date. She looked at her friend, then back at me, and said, shocked, "You mean I have to bring the books BACK?"
At some point, just bring him a salad with sauce on it.
I work at an Italian restaurant and this guy was looking at ordering a salad, and when I asked what dressing he wanted he kept going back to the pasta sauces and asking " Sugo, that would be good on it, wouldn't it! I'll get that" and I tried to explain " sir, those are for the pastas, you got the Mediterranean salad" and he responded " you're right; maybe carbonara (another sauce).. I don't get what he wasn't understanding. He seemed like a normal smart dude but he just couldn't comprehend the difference between the dressings and sauces
What is "real?"
I used to work at a fine jewelry kiosk in a mall. Our jewelry included items like gold bracelets and necklaces bonded with Sterling silver, Sterling silver rings with cubic zirconia gems, gold engagement rings with diamond chips clustered together rather than one large diamond, etc. I had a lot of regulars, and this one woman would come in often and ask for every item she was interested in, "Is this real?" I explained what "bonded" means and how we don't sell diamond rings for $25, but that the rings were indeed certified Sterling silver with synthetic gems. I gave her information like this over and over again, day after day, and she would follow up every explanation with, "Okay, but...is it real?"