One of my closest friends is a cannabis entrepreneur in Colorado. Recently I got to help her out packing orders. Somewhere around hour 7 with my fingers raw from work I sighed and went "UGH. TV lied to me. There is so much packing tape involved in being a drug dealer! Nobody told me about packing tape!"
TV and movies make it look like shady deals in the park and slowly riding around in Escalades with black-out window tinting. Turns out, nope! There aren't really a lot of scary thugs - she's a single mother, in fact. And shady deals? Ha. Not a chance. It's mostly the usual customer service stuff in a brightly lit and clean shop with a whole lot of admin, and so much packing tape. Would not recommend if you have skin that's sensitive to adhesives or oils - or a personality that's sensitive to being asked 458 rapid-fire questions.
Reddit user Wino 2009 asked:
So now you know serving the cannabis community doesn't look at all like it does in the movies, but you'd be surprised how many other careers Hollywood has totally lied to you about. Take a look.
Not That Kind Of Nanny
As the Nanny I'm not trying to seduce the husband and murder the wife.
I'm a stay at home dad so therefore I must be really stupid and inept. Wooops! Accidentally put the baby in the dryer again!
Science is not a montage of swirling chemicals in beakers and claiming "eureka!" and making brilliant new discoveries.
It's a lot of
begging for money grant writing, doing some tedious stuff 100's to 1,000's of times, then spending ages processing your data and running your stats and usually going "hmmm... inconclusive."
Damn It, Larry!
Nursing. TV shows make it look like adrenaline fueled "someone get the crash cart!" kind of work. When really it's tons of charting, taking granny to the bathroom and "GOD DAMN IT LARRY STOP DRINKING COKE AND TAKE YOUR INSULIN DO YOU WANT TO LOSE ANOTHER TOE?!?!"
There's no fancy technology for military intel. We use Microsoft office. I give briefings with power point. I send documents made in word and excel through outlook.
Shat On By 3 Separate Humans
According to TV/movies I strap women down on beds on their backs and yell at them to push about 5 minutes after their waters broke dramatically. Also the baby looks about 3 months old, placentas aren't a thing and it's incredibly neat and tidy ...also less poop.
My record for being shat on in 1 shift is by 3 separate humans. To be fair 2 of them were newborns, but still. I've had every (female) bodily fluid on my body at some point in my job. Sweat, blood, tears, poop, pee, vomit, amniotic fluid. And then I go and eat lunch without blinking an eye.
Nothing Like BaywatchGiphy
Lifeguards don't wear sexy bathing suits and seductively put sun lotion on while not paying attention to the pool/beach. We don't look like bronze gods and goddesses and nobody is smiling the entire three hours they spend on stand in one sitting. We don't get paid 30 bucks an hour to sit on our @sses and do nothing all day.
We're sweaty messes that (most of the time) HAVE to wear our work uniforms over our mandatory one piece bathing suits. We also have to cashier, clean, do customer service and be good reps for our respective companies. We have to put up with sh*tty guests not listening and ignoring our whistle warnings who then want to fight us about it while we're busy watching our water.
And if we're not paying attention to the water while on stand, the manager can and WILL throw a mannequin in the water and if you don't react and grab it in thirty seconds you are more or less terminated. You have to be on point and paying attention the entire time or your negligence can be fatal.
Can't Land The Plane
I'm an air traffic controller (no Breaking Bad jokes, please).
We are not trained at all on how to fly a plane. Zero. We can't tell someone how to land a plane if something goes wrong. I've never even ridden as a passenger on the model of most of the planes I spend all day talking to. Many controllers have never been in a cockpit, and I know a few who have never flown on a plane.
There are no naked women showing up at the door when I deliver.
- It's not dramatic
- It's literally the safest goddamn thing on planet earth
- The co-pilot is usually just as qualified and experienced as the captain, and usually has captain experience from past airlines. Most choose to stay co-pilots if it can get them a better schedule or aircraft type. They both fly the plane and both know what they're doing.
- In the event of an emergency, we have no emotion. Just calmly execute the appropriate response procedures and divide our tasks
I'm a construction superintendent who believes ALL fix-up shows are bogus. You and the wife (and your 3 kids, 2 cats and a dog) are NOT going to completely demo and remodel your kitchen during your one week vacation. Try it and there's going to be trouble.
"Too Much" MethGiphy
TV shows (like Chicago fire) portray paramedics as going from one exciting, life saving call to the next. In reality, most of our calls are for things like:
Elderly person fall from standing.
Intoxicated person passed out on bus bench.
Took "too much" meth.
Sore throat for 3 days. Already saw family doctor. But it still hurts so I decided to call 911.
Intoxicated person passed out in a park.
Homeless person wants a free ride somewhere warm and a free sandwich.
Intoxicated person passed out in McDonalds.
I've had chronic knee pain for 15 years. I have a prescription for narcotics, and the pain is no different than normal, but thought maybe it was time to go get it checked out again.
Took meth. Now everyone is following me and trying to kill me.
Took meth. Now I think I can fly, and I'm climbing buildings.
And then with the legalization of marijuana, there was a lot of "tried pot for the first time. I don't like how it makes me feel. Make it stop!" 😂
Anyway, of course you occasionally get a shooting/stabbing/ random trauma/MI/legit medical issue. But the job certainly isn't going from pulling people out of a burning building after cutting off their trapped limb, then running to someone who is skewered onto a fence, then someone who has an unexploded bomb in their abdomen, then right to a passenger train derailment, then finishing your shift delivering quadruplets in an elevator that you accessed through the roof hatch because it's stuck between floors.... (Though...I can't speak for everyone. SOME medics are black clouds... Haha)
Therapists Have Boundaries
Anyone in TV or movies who plays a Social Worker, therapist, clinical counselor, counselor, or psychiatrist. There's like ALWAYS inappropriate boundaries. The movie 50/50 comes to mind but there are a ton of others.
I AM a Social Worker and we have to be very careful about dual relationships. We cannot hang out or go clubbing with our clients. We absolutely cannot sleep with them. We could lose our license and never be able to practice again. And we can get in trouble for breaking HIPAA and confidentiality if it's not an issue of safety, (harm to self, others, or the client is aware of someone who is being hurt).
I cringe when they show therapists acting inappropriately. The majority of us practice within our scope and have healthy, professional relationships with our clients. And if we're unsure we consult with our colleagues, supervisors or our code of ethics. And we do know that sleeping with a client is a HUGE no-no.
The amount of medical ethics broken in some TV shows would get your licence suspended for sure.
You don't scream at uncooperative patients, you can just refer them to another doctor. You don't give them placebo pills just because they are being difficult and you most certainly do not obnoxiously talk about a patient in the hallway and the elevator of the hospital. Patient confidentiality is something I have never seen made a priority in medical dramas (at least in the few i have watched). There are obviously more little things that put me off and it just makes medical dramas difficult to watch, personally.
Oh man. Indiana Jones goes ripping through temples, destroying artifacts. He's pretty much the exact opposite of an archaeologist.
Weed farming is not exciting at all. I don't have to deal with gangsters or get to do a bunch of whacky science to come up with my own special strain. At the end of the day it's just mixing nutrients and keeping track of temperatures and humidity levels. I do get to smoke a lot, so that's kind of real, but my tolerance is so high it doesn't really matter.
Typing Notes, Zero Sex
As a TV doctor I'd be solving intense medical mysteries and having sex in the callrooms almost daily. Instead I'm typing notes, browsing Reddit, and having exactly zero sex.
Restoring antique furniture is 99% removing mold/ rust/ dirt/ rot/ being stabbed by hidden tacks and nails and 1% relaxed, zen polishing of a gorgeous tabletop.
Security Guards aren't supercops.
Any guard STUPID enough to observe something suspicious and not call it in or walk around an empty dark building with a flashlight deserves what happens to him.
The whole watching TV instead of looking at cameras? That's accurate.
Obviously all a voice teacher has to do is push on someone's stomach and they get 100% louder and better. Or if we can get them to close their eyes and just "get" the song, that works too.
In real life, I teach an instrument that neither I nor my student can see or touch, and I have to train micro movements in so they can shape sound with their goddamn face.
An Angry Octopus
Any scene where there's service happening, they have time for full conversations, and only work on one dish at a time. All calm, and relaxed..
When chefs actually work the line, we look like an octopus. An angry octopus, who speaks in 4 word sentences. 4 words, 3 languages. "Where's my mise, cabron!?"
I'm a painter and sculptor. When I'm depressed, anxious, and dealing with feelings of torment - creation STOPS DEAD IN ITS TRACKS. The tortured, brooding artist as the most prolific and creative being is such a complete lie. Yes, mental illness/disorders are super common in creative people, but that's not what triggers our urge to create, it usually just destroys it. Also, art takes a LOT of fucking time, work, and effort. I don't just pull out all my paints, whip my brush across my surface in a passionate fury, and voila there's a masterpiece. Making art is 30% making the art and 70% thinking about it.
Trashing The G ChordGiphy
Guitarist here. Their hands are usually doing something sooo different from the music that they are playing it's hilarious. Playing a whaling zeppelin solo? Nope. Just trashing the G chord over and over again.
So what ridiculous ways is your job portrayed in the media?
We've all said something stupid, let's not lie to ourselves.
It's okay to say something stupid. It showcases the real person on the inside, that we're all flawed, imperfect, and made of cooky combinations of words that don't necessarily line up to make sense. Sometimes we're nervous in a situation, other times we're just hitting 'Quick Reply' in our brains and what comes out doens't work, but whatever the reason, you for sure are going to remember it, late at night, for the rest of your life.
What is the stupidest thing that ever came out of your mouth?
You may not have to change your home address because of these moments, but you should probably reconsider how many public outings you go to afterwards.
Should Probably Never Shop At That Store Again
"When the cashier said "Have a nice day", and I replied with "No, thanks".
"Background: I wasnt thinking straight that day, and thought they said "Do you want a bag"
That's. How. Twins. Work?
"Her: the twins are 3 years old"
"Me: Both of them?"
"Oh no this unearthed a memory i had buried from kindergarten lmao"
"We had a set of twins in our classroom and once on their birthday party I said "your brother got such a cool party, i hope yours is nice like this too" to one of them and he was like "yeah, this one"
"4 year old me was not a very bright kid"
That's. How. Death. Works...
"Watching the documentary 'The Last Dance' when a Kobe interview pops up -"
"Me: "Wow, they must have filmed this before Kobe died."
"My wife: "Yeah, obviously…."
The cringe comes out of nowhere, and you're not even sure how you were able to ask something so incredibly stupid, but here you are. Lounging in the stupid air.
You Should Have Asked What "Nothing" Tastes Like Next
"In my head I was wondering what one pound of water would look like in terms of volume. What I said out loud however was "How much does a pound of water weigh?"
Keep Up With Me
"A couple of months ago, I got up and drove to work as usual. Later, my girlfriend texted me from home to ask me if she had left her sunglasses in my car. I told her I wasn't sure, but she could grab my spare key and go check."
"In my car."
"Which I had driven to work."
Black Is White, White Is Black
"I don't understand why people place bets on who wins, why not just place bets on who loses?"
"Yeah took me a minute to register what I said..."
And then there's these stories, where the person is probably better off cutting off any human contact henceforth going forward. These are rough to get through, folks.
Should Probably Have A Chat With HR After This
"I was about 4 months into my current job, feeling confident being fresh off the contract-to-hire period, now moved into a coveted full time role. While walking back to my office from the morning kanban I was stopped by my boss, head peeking out of the office:"
"Boss: "Hey TheMediator, do you have a sec?"
"Me: "For you, I've got lots of secs!"
"Boss: wide-eyes, mouth dropped"
"If you're curious why this was incredibly stupid/embarrassing, try saying the phrase "lots of secs" out loud. Preferably, not to your boss though."
You Don't Need College Anymore. Go Home. Bury Your Head In The Sand.
"In my freshman year of college I was dorming next door to a couple cute girls. About a week into the first semester one girl walked from the coed showers to her dorm room in her towel still wet. We were both unlocking our doors to get in our rooms when she looks at me and says…"
"I know I look stunning…(sarcastically)"
"To which I replied, "don't flatter yourself."
"I had to slid a note under her door explaining I was tongue tied as she was beautiful and I meant to say "don't be hard on yourself, you look great." (Or something to that nature). We became good friends."
It's In The Descriptor?
"Chatting to a homeless guy on the street and he told me he was feeling unwell. I told him he should be at home, resting."
"It's been 20 years and the memory of it still brings me out in a cold sweat."
Oh Good Lord...
"Asked my friend how his mom was doing at his moms funeral."
"Jesus Christ this is the worst one on this thread. What was his response?"
"He looked at me and then the casket and kind of smirked. I awkwardly started to try and explain and just said "I'm an idiot. You know I love you. Talk to you in a bit." He makes fun of me now and I can't stop laughing. It's a positive painful memory."
Own up to your mistakes. You'll garner more respect by acknowledging the awkward things you say, however, it's perfectly fine to laugh about it in the moment. That's probably the easiest way to escape the deep, deep shame.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
The advice "fake it til you make it," though often said with at least a hint of sarcasm, does carry quite a bit of wisdom.
By simply putting one foot in front of the other, weathering the chaos of not knowing what's happening as you learn as fast as possible, we can find ourselves further than we expected.
Once we're there, reaping the fruits of all our "faking," we somehow begin to take on a new identity in people's eyes They assume we've always been in control and known what was going on. They defer to us for advice.
But that couldn't be further from the truth. So we keep on faking it.
Redditor espectro11 asked:
"What's your 'I don't know, I didn't think I'd get this far' moment?"
Many Redditors discussed their experiences navigating the intimidating environment of job applications, interviews, and offers.
Oh Right, Getting Paid
"I gave my resume to fancy private school (I'm a teacher, but new to the field) and I didn't expect a call back. But they called me today to ask my expected salary and I said 'I don't know what the average is. Let me Google it.' "
"Ya girl was not prepared."
"When I went for a walk-in interview looking like crap and they hired me on the spot. I get they were hiring for a new store, but they up and said 'if you want the job it's yours, when can you start?' "
"Deada** didn't think I'd make it that far."
Outside the Box
"Years ago I was applying to a bunch of copywriting jobs and feeling frustrated because I wasnt hearing back from any of the places I was applying to."
"It was especially frustrating because I was putting in all this time on cover letters and I felt like nobody was even reading them, so I said, 'Fu** it, I'm gonna write one that is more me.' I thought it was a dumb idea and never imagined that it would work, but somehow it did."
"I applied with this cover letter and the subject line "Copywriter: Will Work for Beer" to a job that I was very underqualified for. It managed to catch the eye of the headhunter for the ad agency and was enough to get me an interview. Shortly after that I was hired and ended up working there for a few years, but I remember thinking on my first day, 'I can't believe that actually worked.' "
Just Not the Right Fit
"An interview at Google. The 20 years younger than me was describing the peer review system."
"I responded with 'Jesus, that sounds awful.' "
"I did not get the job."
Others also shared experiences that centered on their working lives. But these stories weren't about being hired or interviewed.
These were accounts of long-developing success stories that they never would have predicted.
A Winding Road
"My entire legal career"
"I have four degrees and a 10 year career in commerical litigation. I just wrapped up a $200mil trusts lawsuit."
"I started at uni doing theatre and stand up comedy. I have no fu**ing idea where I turned to get here."
"Started at a very small company doing sales straight out of college. I went about messaging big corporate players (who obviously would never do business with us since our size) and was laughed at by my new colleagues for even trying."
"2 weeks later My boss was asking me what we (a team of 6) should say on the conference call with Toshiba Buyers."
Putting Fires Out
"Me at work. I feel like every issue that comes up has me unprepared. But I am always praised for my good work."
"So, I assume I have imposter syndrome and keep doing what I am doing."
So next time you find yourself ruling a possibility out completely, maybe take just a few seconds to imagine it actually occurred and prepare.
You just never know.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
I'm going to be perfectly honest––I'm a city boy. I'm not a huge fan of hiking or camping. I happen to be a huge fan of running water. Have you heard of it? It's great. Highly recommended.
I've also, on a more humorous note, watched far too many horror films over the years and don't particularly like idea of running off into the woods only to piss off some demon that was perfectly fine until I arrived. I also have immense respect for our friendly neighborhood serial killers and demonstrate this regularly by staying out of their territory.
Those who love the great outdoors had plenty to share after Redditor Your_Normal_Loser asked the online community, "
Hikers of Reddit, what is the weirdest or creepiest thing you've come across while hiking?"
"The only reason..."
"When we were exploring the Australian Outback as university students, my friend and I found an old, tightly wrapped plastic bag with five or six damaged wallets along shrubbery at the base of a cliff.
The only reason we opened it up was because we were so remote - hundreds of kilometres from any town or tourist attraction - that it was strange to see garbage out there. All the cards were in female names and birthdates placed them in their late teens to early 20s. Some lived in the Northern Territory but one was in Sydney and another from Queensland. At the time we figured rock climbers must have stored their valuables in the bag and then lost track of it. I'll never forget the strange look the police officer gave us when we handed them in."
You see... this is why I wouldn't go mess around in the Australian Outback.
I also may or may not have watched Wolf Creek one too many times.
"A recliner on a small hill with a hole dug out in the middle and water bottles all over the place."
"A trashed campsite..."
"A trashed campsite complete with the tent cut open...
...do you report these things, or what?"
Or maybe not... you might want to turn back.
"The walls were completely plastered..."
"I was walking in a thick forest and came across an opening. In the center there was a shack made of lumber, with a bench built into it that was slightly leaned back.
The walls were completely plastered in porn."
Well... that's one way to get off.
"The man stopped talking..."
"I was backpacking with a few friends. A few days in the middle of nowhere, a man approached our camp as we were cooking dinner to say hi. We talked about our routes for a few minutes. Out of nowhere, he told us that he had had a vasectomy in his 30s after his 2nd child. Then somehow his wife had gotten pregnant with his 3rd child. He didn't believe this was possible, so he demanded a DNA test to see if he was actually the father. He was. Still, he explained that he had his doubts and thought that his wife must have fixed the DNA test.
My friends and I were in our 20s and had no idea why this guy was telling us this. We all just nodded and smiled.
The man stopped talking and then just walked away into the night."
"I stepped in..."
"I stepped in and fell over a cow carcass on a night hike. It was a bright moonlit night but I didn't see it in the shadows. Thankfully it was mostly dry."
"We still have no idea..."
"I was in the woods with three friends at night. A friend's house was nearby and I was getting hungry so I went inside to find some food. Another friend came inside with me. Two friends were still outside.
Later on, one of the two who outside came in and sees the indoor friend on the couch next to me. They panic and immediately run back outside.
I poke my head out the door asking what's going on, only to hear them yell as loudly as they can, "THAT'S NOT KEVIN"
Everyone comes inside and calms down a bit, and the story comes out. They thought the friend who was indoors with me (Kevin) had been outside with them this entire time. Why? Because in the darkness of the woods they saw a silhouette about the same height walking alongside them silently, then at some point it ran away and they were chasing it thinking Kevin was running off for some reason. The reason my friend yelled, "That's not Kevin" was to stop the last outdoor friend from chasing whoever was out there deeper into the woods.
We still have no idea who that was or why they didn't even speak."
This story sent a chill running down my spine.
Who was that?!
Perhaps figuring it out would be even scarier.
"Went hiking with my dad..."
"Went hiking with my dad one day over a ridge. A girl from the group in front of us tripped and slid down one side and was just able to hold on to the tiniest branch from the only tree around. Had she slid down all the way she certainly would be dead or massively injured!"
"I was trying to make my way across..."
"I was hiking in Washington sometime in December. I was trying to make my way across a river but the bridge was out. I was walking along the shore looking for a shallow spot but couldn't find one. I saw some footprints leading down the bank, my thought was that someone was trying to do what I was doing and decided to track the prints to see if they crossed. It was not easy but I followed the prints for about a mile. As I approached what looked like a crossing I heard a loud BANG like a stick hitting a tree. I froze for a few seconds and heard no other noises. I just slowly back up keeping my eyes on the other side of the river. Could not shake the feeling that I was being watched. Got the hell out of there quick as I could."
There are few feelings creepier than the feeling of being watched. It makes you feel like you've been violated in some way.
Thankfully you got out of there!
"I thought it was a magical, beautiful moment..."
"I was hiking with some friends, and I saw a cluster of butterflies on the ground. I thought it was a magical, beautiful moment until I realized they were congregating on a pool of blood. It turns out that someone had been hiking on the bluffs above earlier that day, and had fallen off and died."
Sooo... still want to go hiking or camping? None of this changed your mind? None of it?
It was nice knowing you. I'll stick with my running water.
Have some creepy stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Have some experiences of your own? Have you also survived the hospitality industry? Feel free to tell us about it in the comments below!
Time is of the essence. And time is not definable. Those are lessons we learn as we get older; as times passes and fluctuates in front of us.
Time is always fleeting yet always catches up to us. I find myself shocked when I wake up on certain days and realize I'm a particular age of my parent that sticks out for me.
Like, how did that happen? I guess I should just be thankful I'm still here to witness it all.
Redditor u/TW1103 wanted to discuss the meaning... of time and all of its affects by asking:
What fact really puts the scale of time into an insane perspective?
Ok, who is watching the clock? Those seconds aren't going to count themselves. The only way to understand time is to be its witness. Although that can get depressing. Let's focus on the light and cool.
History...Calculate Figure It Out GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"If you are an 80-year-old American, you have lived through approximately 1/3 of our nation's entire history."
"The 80s were 40 years ago."
"This is what messes me up because I was born in 82 and graduated high school in 2000 so for some reason my brain is stuck on the 80's being twenty years ago. The 70's thirty years ago etc etc. I have to stop and realize sometimes that my concept of how long ago things happened is way off."
Time goes by...
"We observe that light travels at 186,000 miles a second, but given the vast size of the observable universe, that's a snail's pace. But from the point of view of a particle of light, time doesn't even exist."
"Time slows down as you approach the speed of light, and theoretically stops completely when you reach the speed of light."
Years Gone By...
"MLK Jr. and Anne Frank were born in the same year."
"Betty White was born in 1922. Automatically pre-sliced packaged bread loaves became commercially available in 1928. Betty White is six years older than sliced bread."
Long Live the Queen!queen elizabeth images GIFGiphy
"The queen and Marilyn Monroe would've been the same age."
I swear Liz is going to outlive dirt. Wait, I believe she already has. Well she won't be alone, she'll have Betty White. At least she better have Betty. Time is nothing without Queen Betty.
TV TimeSeason 2 Omg GIF by Paramount+Giphy
"Happy Days was a TV show made in the 1970s-80s about teenagers in the 1950s. Similarly, That 70s Show was made in the 90s-00s about teenagers in the 70s. If a similar show were to be made today, it would be about teenagers in the 2000s."
"If a T-Rex imagined a creature as ancient as the T-Rex is to us, it would be a Stegosaurus. If that Stegosaurus imagined a creature as ancient as the Stegosaurus is to us, it would be a Crocodile. If that Crocodile imagined a creature as ancient as that Crocodile is to us, it would be a Shark."
On the Clock
"On a twenty four hour clock the amount of time that humans have been on the earth would total around five seconds."
"How about this one: If Homo Habilus first appeared at midnight, 24 hours ago, that means the first Homo Sapiens appeared at 9:25 PM, or about 2 and a half hours ago. The first human civilization, in lower Mesopotamia, appeared at 11:57 PM, or about 3 minutes ago."
"The Western Roman Empire fell at 11:59 PM, or 1 minute ago. Everything that has happened since - the Crusades, the Plague, the discovery of the New World, the world wars, all of it - has happened in the last minute of human existence."
And that's just OUR Sun...
"The span of our lives are so insignificantly small that our Sun will last another 5 billion years. That's 9 zeros people. Our eldest live to around 100 in the best places. That's 50,000,000 (50 million) times longer than any person can reasonably expect to live. And that's just OUR Sun. The universe as a whole has probably existed for magnitudes longer than that already and will continue to exist until the end of time as we know it."
Tell Me a Storywilliam shakespeare GIF by will herringGiphy
"We know what a good storyteller Shakespeare was but there were Greek playwrights who wrote shows nearly 2,000 years earlier that are pretty good, too."
I hate time. Only because I'm petty and irritated of the amount I squandered. That's neither here nor there though. Time marches on and continues to amaze. I'll keep watching.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.