One of my closest friends is a cannabis entrepreneur in Colorado. Recently I got to help her out packing orders. Somewhere around hour 7 with my fingers raw from work I sighed and went "UGH. TV lied to me. There is so much packing tape involved in being a drug dealer! Nobody told me about packing tape!"
TV and movies make it look like shady deals in the park and slowly riding around in Escalades with black-out window tinting. Turns out, nope! There aren't really a lot of scary thugs - she's a single mother, in fact. And shady deals? Ha. Not a chance. It's mostly the usual customer service stuff in a brightly lit and clean shop with a whole lot of admin, and so much packing tape. Would not recommend if you have skin that's sensitive to adhesives or oils - or a personality that's sensitive to being asked 458 rapid-fire questions.
Reddit user Wino 2009 asked:
So now you know serving the cannabis community doesn't look at all like it does in the movies, but you'd be surprised how many other careers Hollywood has totally lied to you about. Take a look.
Not That Kind Of Nanny
As the Nanny I'm not trying to seduce the husband and murder the wife.
I'm a stay at home dad so therefore I must be really stupid and inept. Wooops! Accidentally put the baby in the dryer again!
Science is not a montage of swirling chemicals in beakers and claiming "eureka!" and making brilliant new discoveries.
It's a lot of
begging for money grant writing, doing some tedious stuff 100's to 1,000's of times, then spending ages processing your data and running your stats and usually going "hmmm... inconclusive."
Damn It, Larry!
Nursing. TV shows make it look like adrenaline fueled "someone get the crash cart!" kind of work. When really it's tons of charting, taking granny to the bathroom and "GOD DAMN IT LARRY STOP DRINKING COKE AND TAKE YOUR INSULIN DO YOU WANT TO LOSE ANOTHER TOE?!?!"
There's no fancy technology for military intel. We use Microsoft office. I give briefings with power point. I send documents made in word and excel through outlook.
Shat On By 3 Separate Humans
According to TV/movies I strap women down on beds on their backs and yell at them to push about 5 minutes after their waters broke dramatically. Also the baby looks about 3 months old, placentas aren't a thing and it's incredibly neat and tidy ...also less poop.
My record for being shat on in 1 shift is by 3 separate humans. To be fair 2 of them were newborns, but still. I've had every (female) bodily fluid on my body at some point in my job. Sweat, blood, tears, poop, pee, vomit, amniotic fluid. And then I go and eat lunch without blinking an eye.
Nothing Like BaywatchGiphy
Lifeguards don't wear sexy bathing suits and seductively put sun lotion on while not paying attention to the pool/beach. We don't look like bronze gods and goddesses and nobody is smiling the entire three hours they spend on stand in one sitting. We don't get paid 30 bucks an hour to sit on our @sses and do nothing all day.
We're sweaty messes that (most of the time) HAVE to wear our work uniforms over our mandatory one piece bathing suits. We also have to cashier, clean, do customer service and be good reps for our respective companies. We have to put up with sh*tty guests not listening and ignoring our whistle warnings who then want to fight us about it while we're busy watching our water.
And if we're not paying attention to the water while on stand, the manager can and WILL throw a mannequin in the water and if you don't react and grab it in thirty seconds you are more or less terminated. You have to be on point and paying attention the entire time or your negligence can be fatal.
Can't Land The Plane
I'm an air traffic controller (no Breaking Bad jokes, please).
We are not trained at all on how to fly a plane. Zero. We can't tell someone how to land a plane if something goes wrong. I've never even ridden as a passenger on the model of most of the planes I spend all day talking to. Many controllers have never been in a cockpit, and I know a few who have never flown on a plane.
There are no naked women showing up at the door when I deliver.
- It's not dramatic
- It's literally the safest goddamn thing on planet earth
- The co-pilot is usually just as qualified and experienced as the captain, and usually has captain experience from past airlines. Most choose to stay co-pilots if it can get them a better schedule or aircraft type. They both fly the plane and both know what they're doing.
- In the event of an emergency, we have no emotion. Just calmly execute the appropriate response procedures and divide our tasks
I'm a construction superintendent who believes ALL fix-up shows are bogus. You and the wife (and your 3 kids, 2 cats and a dog) are NOT going to completely demo and remodel your kitchen during your one week vacation. Try it and there's going to be trouble.
"Too Much" MethGiphy
TV shows (like Chicago fire) portray paramedics as going from one exciting, life saving call to the next. In reality, most of our calls are for things like:
Elderly person fall from standing.
Intoxicated person passed out on bus bench.
Took "too much" meth.
Sore throat for 3 days. Already saw family doctor. But it still hurts so I decided to call 911.
Intoxicated person passed out in a park.
Homeless person wants a free ride somewhere warm and a free sandwich.
Intoxicated person passed out in McDonalds.
I've had chronic knee pain for 15 years. I have a prescription for narcotics, and the pain is no different than normal, but thought maybe it was time to go get it checked out again.
Took meth. Now everyone is following me and trying to kill me.
Took meth. Now I think I can fly, and I'm climbing buildings.
And then with the legalization of marijuana, there was a lot of "tried pot for the first time. I don't like how it makes me feel. Make it stop!" 😂
Anyway, of course you occasionally get a shooting/stabbing/ random trauma/MI/legit medical issue. But the job certainly isn't going from pulling people out of a burning building after cutting off their trapped limb, then running to someone who is skewered onto a fence, then someone who has an unexploded bomb in their abdomen, then right to a passenger train derailment, then finishing your shift delivering quadruplets in an elevator that you accessed through the roof hatch because it's stuck between floors.... (Though...I can't speak for everyone. SOME medics are black clouds... Haha)
Therapists Have Boundaries
Anyone in TV or movies who plays a Social Worker, therapist, clinical counselor, counselor, or psychiatrist. There's like ALWAYS inappropriate boundaries. The movie 50/50 comes to mind but there are a ton of others.
I AM a Social Worker and we have to be very careful about dual relationships. We cannot hang out or go clubbing with our clients. We absolutely cannot sleep with them. We could lose our license and never be able to practice again. And we can get in trouble for breaking HIPAA and confidentiality if it's not an issue of safety, (harm to self, others, or the client is aware of someone who is being hurt).
I cringe when they show therapists acting inappropriately. The majority of us practice within our scope and have healthy, professional relationships with our clients. And if we're unsure we consult with our colleagues, supervisors or our code of ethics. And we do know that sleeping with a client is a HUGE no-no.
The amount of medical ethics broken in some TV shows would get your licence suspended for sure.
You don't scream at uncooperative patients, you can just refer them to another doctor. You don't give them placebo pills just because they are being difficult and you most certainly do not obnoxiously talk about a patient in the hallway and the elevator of the hospital. Patient confidentiality is something I have never seen made a priority in medical dramas (at least in the few i have watched). There are obviously more little things that put me off and it just makes medical dramas difficult to watch, personally.
Oh man. Indiana Jones goes ripping through temples, destroying artifacts. He's pretty much the exact opposite of an archaeologist.
Weed farming is not exciting at all. I don't have to deal with gangsters or get to do a bunch of whacky science to come up with my own special strain. At the end of the day it's just mixing nutrients and keeping track of temperatures and humidity levels. I do get to smoke a lot, so that's kind of real, but my tolerance is so high it doesn't really matter.
Typing Notes, Zero Sex
As a TV doctor I'd be solving intense medical mysteries and having sex in the callrooms almost daily. Instead I'm typing notes, browsing Reddit, and having exactly zero sex.
Restoring antique furniture is 99% removing mold/ rust/ dirt/ rot/ being stabbed by hidden tacks and nails and 1% relaxed, zen polishing of a gorgeous tabletop.
Security Guards aren't supercops.
Any guard STUPID enough to observe something suspicious and not call it in or walk around an empty dark building with a flashlight deserves what happens to him.
The whole watching TV instead of looking at cameras? That's accurate.
Obviously all a voice teacher has to do is push on someone's stomach and they get 100% louder and better. Or if we can get them to close their eyes and just "get" the song, that works too.
In real life, I teach an instrument that neither I nor my student can see or touch, and I have to train micro movements in so they can shape sound with their goddamn face.
An Angry Octopus
Any scene where there's service happening, they have time for full conversations, and only work on one dish at a time. All calm, and relaxed..
When chefs actually work the line, we look like an octopus. An angry octopus, who speaks in 4 word sentences. 4 words, 3 languages. "Where's my mise, cabron!?"
I'm a painter and sculptor. When I'm depressed, anxious, and dealing with feelings of torment - creation STOPS DEAD IN ITS TRACKS. The tortured, brooding artist as the most prolific and creative being is such a complete lie. Yes, mental illness/disorders are super common in creative people, but that's not what triggers our urge to create, it usually just destroys it. Also, art takes a LOT of fucking time, work, and effort. I don't just pull out all my paints, whip my brush across my surface in a passionate fury, and voila there's a masterpiece. Making art is 30% making the art and 70% thinking about it.
Trashing The G ChordGiphy
Guitarist here. Their hands are usually doing something sooo different from the music that they are playing it's hilarious. Playing a whaling zeppelin solo? Nope. Just trashing the G chord over and over again.
So what ridiculous ways is your job portrayed in the media?