Prison Guards Share Their Scariest Experiences Working Behind Bars[rebelmouse-image 18358898 is_animated_gif=
There are few occupations we can think of that would be more high stress than working as a prison guard. Television and film have given us countless depictions of life behind bars, and none of them show it like a walk in the park - for prisoner or guard. One reddit user asked:
The answers were almost all pretty intense, but we managed to pull 20 stories that struck a chord with us. Some of these may be intense for younger or more sensitive readers, so be careful as you move ahead.
Stuck In An Elevator[rebelmouse-image 18358899 is_animated_gif=
Setting the scene:
1997; local Jail with a very big budget crisis.
The jail was on the 4th floor of the courthouse and the chow hall was in the basement. So we would have to take the prisoners up and down to eat. The elevator was junk. It broke down with me and 13 felony inmates trapped inside of it. Four were convicted murderers waiting on a bed to come open at the prison. I was trapped in a very tight space with some very bad people unarmed and alone.
They helped me crawl through the escape hatch in the roof of the elevator so I could get help. No escape attempts and no violence. It was scary, but went pretty well considering.
Florida[rebelmouse-image 18358900 is_animated_gif=
At last, my day has come. In lieu of one "scariest day," allow me, as a CO in the State of Florida, to tell you all of the scariest incidents to occur to me in the past few years.
-From the point you're hired until your graduation from the academy (roughly 6-12 months) you are advised to not get into any physical issues with an inmate. This can lead to awkward and dangerous instances when a new person is assigned to work in the Close Management buildings. On one particular day, I was assigned to assist an officer with escorting CM1 (most dangerous) inmates to their rec cages. For whatever reason, the officer I was with neglected to follow standard procedure and have said inmates step backwards out of his cell. The door rolled, and the cuffed inmates bolted between us, ran up the stairs to the second level, and started attempting to remove his cuffs. This inmate, I found out later, had a reputation for enjoying his beating of COs. It took nine officers to take him down and return him to his cell.
Fun fact; the officer I was with attempted to blame the whole thing on me since I didn't run after the inmate. He was shutdown when cameras revealed that he, as a certified officer, had ALSO not given chase.
Self-Inflicted[rebelmouse-image 18353831 is_animated_gif=
So, I worked night shift at this jail for around two years, right before I went to the academy, I was working a control room that looked over four different pods, called F-Block. Easy pod, most of them are trusties and minimum security, so they're whiney, but usually not ones you have to worry about much. This block is set up where three of the pods are set up with cells, and there's one pod that is an open pod, meaning bunks and no cells. So two days a week, we do a razor night, pretty standard stuff, the worst part is making sure you get the razor blade back. After handing out the blades, about thirty or forty minutes pass when inmates start banging on the window to get me and another guy's attention, and hitting the call box rapidly. Sadly, this can be a normal occurrence because they'll play that as prank to get us riled up. So the guy I'm in the control room hits the button to answer the call box.
Other CO: Yeah?
Inmates: You need to get in here now.
Other CO: Is it an emergency?
Inmates: Yes, please get in here.
So since I'm the newest of the two, I get the pleasure of walking into the open pod and seeing what's going on. I walk in and just freeze for a second, there's an inmate laying on his bunk with blood coming from his neck, self inflicted. So I call a signal and wait for back-up to get there. Soon me and another guy (also hasn't been to the academy yet) rush over there. The inmate is still alive and he is determined to die, he kicks the other CO away and he begins to slash the blade towards us in a threatening manner to tell us to back off. The other CO goes to one side and holds the guys arms down to his own chest, so the inmate uses this time to just slash his neck even further.
About that time, nurses and superiors find their way to the pod, but the nurses can't come anywhere near them because he's still holding a blade. He scratches one CO who is one scene (the guy has Hep C) and finally the Captain elbows the guy in the best and gets him to drop the blade. We held tampons to the guys neck and proceeded to take him to medical.
Somehow, this guy lived. Turns out he declined a sentence that would have made him serve just 10 more months, but declined the plea and received 10 years to life.
Bee Sting[rebelmouse-image 18358901 is_animated_gif=
My brother is a CO at Rikers island and around fall last year an inmate tried to stab him with a shank he had hidden in his rectum. The guy failed but I don't think the experience was pleasant.
Michael Clark Duncan[rebelmouse-image 18358902 is_animated_gif=
Obligatory not a CO. My dad, father in law and husband are COs at a max facility.
Each of them have been involved in riots, but the worst one was when my father in law, the commander on shift, was trapped in the yard by a group of inmates.
This area is normally gated off, and my FIL was in that area to make sure it was secure, but they later found out a notoriously lazy CO didn't feel the need to lock it up that day after yard (what could go wrong, right?)
The area at the time, for whatever reason, had a roof over the weight pit, and a set of double doors that led back into the prison. The tower guards didn't have a clear view of anything that happened under this roof, and the inmates knew it.
There were young inmates funneling him towards this area, and inmates behind the double doors holding them shut so he couldn't get through to safety. He was fucked.
Now, my FIL is a man that is very "by the rules". He's the kind of guy that just commands respect by the tone of his voice. He's fair, and he gives inmates what they have coming, good or bad. He'll make sure you're getting your mail on time, won't give you petty tickets and make sure you're getting a fair shake at chow. He also won't hesitate to sanction you if you fuck up. Because of this, he has built good rapport with a lot of inmates who are doing long term bids.
One of those long term inmates happened to be on the other side of those doors, trying to stay out of trouble.
My FIL described this man's appearance like that of Michael Clarke Duncan's character on The Green Mile. A quiet, compliant gentle giant.
FIL is by himself, no gun, no taser, no gas, no backup coming. He stands there helpless, trying to reason with the group.
He said he watched the window on the door fill with orange out of the corner of his eye. He turns to look and a huge arm swats these relatively tiny, young punk inmates out of the way. He opens the door for my FIL, threatens the rest of the inmates outside, and brings him inside to safety.
I'm not sure where they went after that, but he said that was absolutely the scariest situation and the most vulnerable he had ever been.
They have since removed the roof and if you EVER missed securing an area, you suffered the wrath of my FIL.
That inmate still locks there to this day, and the respect has continued on between him and my husband. Lucky for me, my husband had a great role model while training at the facility, his dad, and realizes that being a hard ass 100% of the time and being a "bad cop" can get you killed. It doesn't take much to treat people like humans.
"The Guts Guy"[rebelmouse-image 18358903 is_animated_gif=
I Had an inmate just come back from the hospital after having some sort of abdominal/stomach surgery. I was doing a round and as I passed his cell, He was sitting on the floor of his cell facing away from me with his arms in front of him and his head looking downward towards his lap.. I saw him moving so I at first didn't think much of it and continued with my round. During the round I had a weird gut feeling that I should go investigate a bit further. He was always pretty odd but never displayed any self destructive behaviors. I walked up to his cell and asked what he was doing. He just said "nothing go away". I had the door opened by the control center and when the door opened It let in enough light into the cell for me to see a bloody handprint on the floor next to him. I directed him to stand up slowly and put his hands behind his back to be cuffed, when he did that I saw both of his hands were literally dripping with blood. I got responders to the area and we pulled him out of his cell where we found his surgical wound was wide open and his innards were visible. We had come to find out that he had pulled his stitches out and had been sticking his hands inside the would to "play with his guts", as he so eloquently put it.
Body Alarm[rebelmouse-image 18358904 is_animated_gif=
Current CO here, been working for about 4 years now at a federal joint that will remain unnamed.
This happened on my off day, but I was able to watch it on the camera in the control center the next day. One hard, older CO who was known to never let an inmate get by with anything and maybe sometimes said a little to much (cursing at inmates) was dealing with an inmate in a housing unit about wearing the right uniform, well this inmate was apparently having a bad day and started yelling at the older CO. The inmate walked away and went to his cell with the older CO close behind, I assume still talking crap to inmate. At this point you can see the inmate lacing up tennis shoes and putting on gloves on camera. For those of you who are not CO's this generally means they are about to fight. Well long story short, there was this older CO and 1 other unit officer in this housing unit, the older CO starts getting his a** beat and alot of the other inmates (about 120 in the housing unit at a given time) make a circle around the fight.
While there was no audio on the video I saw, word is the inmates that circled the fight told the other unit officer that if he called on the radio or tried to help they would beat him to death. He stood there and watched as the older CO got beat, but luckily the older CO was able to hit is body alarm and help came in about 3min.
3 minutes is a long time to get beat, but he made it out with a broken nose, few ribs and bruises. Older CO still works here and still won't back down from any inmate, he is a scrappy fellow. The other unit officer was forced to quit/got fired. Never leave a brother to get beat even if you get beat. That could have been very very very bad if the older CO had not been able to hit his own body alarm and the unit officer was unable to let anyone know what was happening due to being frozen with fear. No one would have known the older CO was being beaten.
"Urine Coated Spear"[rebelmouse-image 18358906 is_animated_gif=
Correctional officer of 4 years in Texas on a Max security unit working administrative segregation (in their cell 23 hours a day) I was stabbed multiple times with a feces and urine coated spear through a cell door. Thankfully all of them were caught in my stabproof thrust vest but it was terrifying.
Paul Blart[rebelmouse-image 18358907 is_animated_gif=
My Dad has a great story:
One day he caught someone throwing drugs over the fence so he hopped in his truck and was driving over. When the guy saw him he ran into the woods next to the prison. My dad hopped out and ran after him. Eventually, they made it to a clearing and when my dad caught a glimpse of him, he had his hand on his hip like he was reaching for a gun. My dad wasn't armed. So at this point he was thinking:
"what am I supposed to do now?"
So he puts his own hand on his hip and yells at the guy to get down and my dad pretended to have a gun. The guy freaked and got down. Ends up he was reaching for a phone to get backup. But I think it's funny that my dad pulled a Paul Blart.
"Suicide In Progress"[rebelmouse-image 18358907 is_animated_gif=
I work for a small Jail. Nothing too crazy happens. One day, a female threw her sheet over her cell door and tied it to the handle. I just happened to be looking into the cell block and saw her hanging from the door kicking and struggling. I called a code for suicide in progress over the radio and ran to the block. We got her down just as she was slipping out of consciousness. She screamed at us when she woke up.
We placed her on suicide watch in the turtle suit.
About 3 years later I saw her out in public and she ran up and gave me a hug and thanked me for helping her. Apparently, she was struggling with meth really bad at the time of her attempt. When I saw her she had been clean for 2 years. Everyday I wonder why I keep doing this job and that one incident was worth it. When I started the job, I thought everyone in jail was just a sack of sh*t. But in reality, some people just mess up or have a bad day.
What Could Have Happened[rebelmouse-image 18348537 is_animated_gif=
I was one for two years before I left. I want to preface this by saying DO NOT WORK FOR NORTH CAROLINA:
So, we are so understaffed that we were working upwards of 80 to 90 hours a week. I was also working nights. Some nights i'd be in a dorm that was set up like military barracks. Those barracks had just two officers to 136 inmates. Also, the equipment we had didn't work. Our radios were fubar'd, our pepper spray had been out of date for six years, and only half of the prison cameras worked.
My other officer was asleep by 9:30 pm - as was pretty usual for my pathetic coworkers. I was walking my rounds when my baton clip breaks off my belt and the baton rolls in front of 34 inmates who are not locked down and freely moving about the room. I calmly walked over to the baton that had stopped right in front of an inmates bed and picked it up and left. Luckily nothing happened.
It was the thoughts of what could have happened that drove me to find another job. I could have died that night or any night with a sleeping officer one room over, without a working radio to call for back up or a camera to even show which person killed me. I saw so much corruption and dirt in that job that I'll never want to work for any law enforcement agency again. I sincerely hope that it turns around one day but it will have to without me.
Pregnancy And The Pencil[rebelmouse-image 18358908 is_animated_gif=
CO here. When I was 6 months pregnant, I got followed into a cell as I was doing cell checks. The inmate - whom I had given a warning about something earlier - threatened to stab me with a sharpened pencil. My partner was supposed to be watching my back to make sure I was not followed, but this wasn't the first time he slacked on that. Luckily, the inmate saw that I had my hand on my radio to call in backup and he let me continue on my checks.
I went on sick leave the following week until my maternity leave kicked in. Not worth the risks.
Seven Minutes[rebelmouse-image 18358909 is_animated_gif=
Was a Detention Officer in Max / Super-max. I have two bad stories:
Had a guy that got injured while fighting officers. One of his arteries was damaged. It was pretty frighting trying to get this guy under control so we could get him out to the hospital, at the same time as fighting with him, and having him spray blood everywhere.
The other was holding a guy up that had just hung himself for seven minutes waiting for another officer to respond with a 911 tool to cut him down.
Both inmates were saved.
Endearing, yet completely psychotic[rebelmouse-image 18358910 is_animated_gif=
My mom was a prison guard for 12 years. I actually remember a lot of stories but I'm pretty sure the scariest day for her was when her boss tried to assign her to be locked in close quarters with a TB infected inmate while she was pregnant with my sister.
This was the 90's I don't know if you can test for that now but back then you couldn't test the baby until it was born. That was her last day on the job.
She had held that job through all three of her pregnancies. It never caused her problems, in fact she used to tell us how amazed the inmates were by it. Some of them rarely see a women, let alone a pregnant woman.
I recall her telling me of one inmate who started reading about pregnancy because of my mother and would give her "fun facts" on the baby. That same inmate had stabbed another because he swore in front of my mother while while pregnant and he had read that the baby can hear everything.
Endearing, yet completely psychotic.
Flashlight And The Aryan Brotherhood[rebelmouse-image 18345153 is_animated_gif=
My friend told me this story of his account so I'll share. He was a prison guard in Arizona some years ago. On his way to work there was a monsoon. By the time he arrived the power was out and the backup generator was also out. When the power goes out like that, at least at this particular prison.
So he arrived to no power and open prison cells. It was his job to go around with a maglite and tell everyone to stay calm, stay in their cells and that food would be coming. Most inmates were cool and did as they were told. One particular man though was not so cool. My buddy approached a mammoth of a man leaning on the railing outside his cell with his arms folded. He towers over my friend, he is built like an ox and certainly outweighs him. When told to go back on his cell the inmate says "what if I don't wanna"
So you're not supposed to back down to images obviously. So my buddy is s***ting bricks but has to remain assertive. He tells him one more time to get back in his cell or else. The inmate doesn't care and takes a step towards him. My buddy swings the maglite into his face knocking him out instantly. He found out later that he had knocked out the leader of the aryan brotherhood at that prison.
He promptly put in his two weeks notice and spent the remainder of his time in a guard tower with a rifle.
Feces Everywhere[rebelmouse-image 18358913 is_animated_gif=
My first week on the job I was in the unit where the violent offenders and confirmed gang members are housed. We had a mental health offender who got mad at the person in the cell to his left. When we fed him his dinner, he "jacks the slot." There's a small slot we open to put their food tray in. When we opened the slot, the offender put his arm through it in order to stop us from closing it, thereby "jacking the slot."
He refuses to remove his arm, so we sound the alarm system to request backup. As soon as he heard the alarm, the prisoner grabbed a bag full of "fluid" and hurled it toward the next offender's cell. Inside the bag was a mix of his own feces and urine, which spilled under the other guy's door into his cell and, honestly, all over the place.
The mental health offender then reaches back in his cell and grabs two plastic wrappers covered in his own feces and smears them all over the outside of his windows. There was feces everywhere and stunk up the whole wing. Easily the worst day on the job and it was like my 3rd day.
The Throat Scar[rebelmouse-image 18358914 is_animated_gif=
Not a prison guard, but spent 18 months in Illinois Department Of Corrections. There was an older dude that was a major jerk, like BAD. He HATED the inmates. He lived to throw them in seg and did his best to get their good behavior time taken away.
He had a scar across his throat. Turns out in the late 80s/early 90s a few prisoners in Statesville got out of control. They took him and his wife hostage then slit his throat. Both lived.
Why he kept being a guard, I'll never know.
Physical Test[rebelmouse-image 18358916 is_animated_gif=
Honestly, that the physical test to work in a maximum security prison is so simple a child could do it. I watched a 60 year old/100lb woman pass it. And 350+ lb woman finish it. As well as many people that couldn't protect them selves from a teenager let alone a large grown man.
And these were the people that I was suppose to trust to watch my back if something bad happened.
Milk-Covered Quarans[rebelmouse-image 18358917 is_animated_gif=
I was a prison guard in afghanistan in 2011 at the DFIP. I think somewhere around December, we had a Quran burning incident, and tensions were very high between the US and any of the local nationals or the Afghan National Army. People were dying because of riots outside base, this was some serious shit. We were recieving threats from some of the people we worked with.
The scariest day was when I was searching a communal cell some days after the Quran burning. Usually the detainees would put their Qurans in the front middle portion of the cell, near the airlock, laying on a prayer rug. We would leave them alone and ask our interpreters to search them. Anyway, I finish my search and as I'm walking out, I accidently step on a little carton of milk thats hidden under the edge of a sleeping pad, and it explodes all over the Qurans, all 30 of 'em. As I'm looking up and seeing what I've done, I notice 3 Afghan Army guys standing in the airlock. This momemt was the scariest, my adrenaline fired up and I was ready to fight.
They were pretty cool though. I apologized, and they said they saw what happened (one guy spoke english) and understood it was an accident. They cleaned them up and replaced them with new ones. Good people.
You're probably going to be beat over the head with this as you read this charming article but bedbugs are a nightmare and they are always lurking (in the back of my mind) when I think about purchasing some items secondhand.
Some years ago, a relative brought in a stuffed animal and some other items off the street. Within days we had a bedbug issue.
It was thankfully resolved very quickly–good thing it was caught so early–but let's just say I dealt with phantom itch for a while.
Nooo thank you.
People told us all about their own reservations after Redditor princesspeaches8 asked the online community:
"What's something you'd never buy secondhand?"
"Most people don't realize..."
"Motorcycle helmets. Most people don’t realize that helmets expire and lose effectiveness even after relatively small impacts."
Best not to tempt fate and get a new one for sure.
People cut corners and then pay the price with their life.
"...unless it was from someone I knew for certain..."
"Climbing gear, unless it was from someone I knew for certain is an experienced climber and cared for their gear per manufacturer recommendations. Even then, I'd prefer to buy new."
The last thing I would want if I were a climber would be to realize that I am using faulty equipment!
"You want bedbugs?"
"A mattress. You want bedbugs? That's how you get bedbugs."
Bedbugs terrify me.
No thank you.
"Since nobody else has said it..."
"A car seat. Since nobody else has said it, I will. Secondhand car seats are so dangerous. You have no idea if they have been in an accident, after which they are supposed to be replaced no matter how minor."
All it takes is one accident.
Don't risk it.
"I got into a whole argument..."
"Tires. I got into a whole argument about it with my automotive teacher in school, and everyone laughed at me and called me spoiled, but I just don’t feel that it’s worth taking a gamble on people's safety with used tires."
I believe this depends on the tread, though.
"Jigsaw puzzles. Bought a 1,000 piece puzzle for £3, spent a few hours making it only to find 6 pieces were missing."
I'd be so upset after spending all that time!
"Three things I would never dream..."
"A toothbrush. Toilet paper. A condom. Three things I would never dream about buying second hand."
People buy used condoms?
What is going on with the world?
"It happened when I was 10..."
"Shoes. It happened when I was 10. My mom bought me a pair of boots from The Salvation Army that I just had to have. Athlete’s foot. HORRIBLE. It took powder, not spray, to get rid of it."
I am also very hesitant to purchase used shoes (and won't) and I understand that this is a privileged opinion.
"There's no warranty..."
"Crucial car parts. Like used tires, brake pads, brake rotors, rack-and-pinions etc. There’s no warranty from the back-alley Craigslist dude and if those parts have defects you won’t be able to stop or steer. Which leads to you quickly performing the room-temperature challenge."
You see, I don't drive, but if I did, this would definitely be something I wouldn't do.
No way I'd purchase crucial car parts from some rando!
"I was very open to it before..."
"Most second hand things now. Especially furniture and clothing which can't be checked thoroughly. I was very open to it before. But bed bugs really terrify me now. All it takes is one to start an infestation, and they hide in things like the labels and behind boots and screws. The eggs are about the size of dandruff."
As mentioned before... bedbugs are terrifying.
I don't think I can stress that enough.
Sometimes saving a few dollars can cost you a lot.
Why risk it?
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What feels better than sexual pleasure?
I mean, the answer is, "nothing," right?
What's a feeling better than an orgasm?
A physical feeling can feel just as good as an orgasm, even when it's not sexual.
Nothing like a cool drink after a hot day, is there?
A Different Kind Of "Release." Hey-oh!
"That moment near the the end of being sick where your nose suddenly clears out after being stuffy for days and you can breathe perfectly again."
"See also: Pulling a huge booger out of your nose and realizing that your breathing has been restricted for days."
Flowery Language Aside, Drink Your Water People
"Got lost out in the wilderness a few years back, drinking fresh clean water for the first time in days was something out of this world. It’s like being on the brink of death and the suddenly life fills your body again. It happens so quick as well, from deaths door to fully recovered in minutes"
"I felt like sh-t the other day and realized around 5pm I hadn’t had any water all day. I downed 32oz in a couple minutes and instantly recovered. I felt like I drank the piss of Jesus himself"
The Pain Is Gone When The Pillow Comes
"When sleep finally comes and sweetly releases you from a blinding, vomit inducing migrane."
While we think of human interaction being better than an orgasm as only limited to the sexual experience, our social interactions might go beyond the sensation an orgasm gives without any contact whatsoever.
What's The Opposite Of Gossip?
"When you overhear people talking positively about you."
"I’ve experienced this. I used to work with a gay colleague and he used to tell me all the terrible things that his religious Christian mother had said/done to him. He was a close friend of mine and he didn’t realise that I was also a religious Christian until he noticed my cross necklace (I don’t talk about my religion much)."
"I overheard him talking to another colleague once and he said 'yeah.. but there are still some great Christians out there, like [me]!”."
"Seriously made my day"
All In On The Joke
"Laughing so hard your face hurts. It’s like an orgasm for your heart and soul."
"that feeling when the joke is long gone and you're only laughing because your friend is laughing and they are only laughing because you are laughing and it won't stop"
Getting Those Feelings Back
"When someone you have a crush on has a crush on you."
And then there's these.
Yes, these ones make lots of sense.
Happy Medicine Time
"I think about "better" in terms of a huge increase in pleasure, and I can only think of one thing that has ever happened to me that was equal or better."
"Around ten years ago, I had a kidney stone, and it hurt like hell. The nurse hooked up the IV and gave me morphine, which did quite literally nothing at all to help. They didn't seem to believe that at first—I'm sure drug-seeking at the ER is a thing—but eventually, it became pretty clear that I was still in agony."
"She hit the IV with toradol. Y'all, this was the first time I'd ever experienced an IV or any strong painkiller, and I went from the worst pain of my life to complete comfort, warmth, and relaxation in seconds. I can still remember the relief."
Your Great Hunt Is Over
"When you close all the tabs from a very long assignment you just submitted"
Is This The Truly The Best Answer?
"Everyone keeps asking this and the best answer by far is always 'farting away a stomachache'."
"Waking up expecting your alarm to ring any second, then realizing it’s the middle of the night and you’ve got like 3 or 4 more hours to sleep…"
"... and you're able to fall back asleep."
"There, I fixed it for you."
Sleep when you can, drink water when you can and suddenly the entire day can feel like one big orgasm.
This has been an odd one.
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It can feel like the world is out to get you, especially when people die in such easily avoidable ways.
This isn't to make light of tragic accidents, or people suffering from long term illnesses, but when you look at the staggering amount of gun deaths in the country, or the number of people still losing loved ones to lung cancer after years of smoking, it becomes apparent maybe some people don't want to avoid it at all.
When it seemingly would be so easy to step to the side.
"What is a common death that could easily be avoided?"
Classes and preparation are important for a reason, to make sure you know what to do when a dangerous situation arises.
Last thing you want is to be out at sea and not know what to do if the boat capsizes.
Take a class.
And stay away from that raccoon.
Swim Classes As Soon As Possible
"Drowning. Practice water safety and teach your kids. It's so sad to hear of a child that drowned from falling in a pool when supervision and education could have prevented that."
Take A Class And Go To A Range Before Even Thinking About Buying One
"Gun accidents. There are rules around guns for reasons."
"Yup. I grew up in a SUPER hillbilly home. Dad was an avid gun collector. He never even had to lock them up because the rules were NON NEGOTIABLE. For as long as I can literally remember, we knew the rules. And you did NOT f-ck around. The consequences were very real and we knew it. That's just the way it was. Period."
"No matter how they're phrased, it always comes down to the four universal rules of firearms. If someone is disobeying even ONE of these rules, they're not safe to be around when handling guns."
- "Treat every gun as if it is loaded. Always. It doesn't matter if you "know" you just saw them empty the chamber and remove the magazine. It doesn't matter if the slide/chamber is locked open. Always. Loaded. Trust but verify."
- "Never point the barrel of a gun at something or someone you are not willing to destroy/harm/kill. Is it ok to point a gun at someone if the gun isn't loaded? See Rule 1."
- "Keep your booger hook off the bang switch. The finger does not touch the trigger until such time as the target has been acquired and you are immediately ready to apply deadly force."
- "Know your target and what is behind it. This goes back to Rule 2. Bullets do not always stop on/in whatever you are actually firing the gun at. Overpenetration is a thing. Missing is a thing. You are responsible for whatever that round hits after it leaves your gun."
Seriously. Don't Go Near The Raccoon.
"Death from wild animals. Most people are going up to animals and provoking them. What are they expecting to happen?"
"People are trained to think cute fluffy animal is adorable because wild domestic animals like cats and dogs are deceptively friendly, as they've learned being nice to the humans can mean pets and food handed to them. Wild animals not so much. They're also self trained to think that dogs growling and upset till they run away means the bear will do the same. No, it's just going to take your face off."
You would think being in control of a 2,000 pound metal object would make people a little more careful.
And you would be surprised how often you are wrong.
Let The Gas Go
"The carbon monoxide deaths in Texas last year come to mind as especially tragic because a lot of people just didn’t know how to avoid them, like by not turning on the car in a closed garage"
"One cause of CO poisoning that's much less well known is starting a car when it's exhaust and up to their tires are buried in snow. The exhaust collects under the car, having no where to go thanks to the snow, then re-enters the car through the wheel wells and other areas, filling it with CO and killing anyone who's inside trying to stay warm."
"Happens to dozens of people every year when a sufficiently large snowstorm hits an area."
Eyes Up. Don't Drink. Buckle Up.
"Vehicle accident fatalities. So many are due to DUI, texting, drowsiness, carelessness. If people just took driving more seriously and realized it was a privilege rather than a right and that their road rage/road policing/rushing can result in killing someone, maybe people would slow down and take more care."
"I live in a pretty bad area for driving. People can't stay in their lanes when the road curves, they merge over without checking blindspots, they merge over going 20mph less than the posted speed limit when you're right on top of them, etc etc. It is one of my biggest fears that my SO will die in some utterly stupid and fully preventable auto accident because some jackass was being a careless, and therefore enormously dangerous, driver."
Whatever the cause of death may be, there could have been long term warning signs, things to look out for, before it happens.
Talk to someone to get your anger issues under control, go for a walk and for the sake of the world, get your COVID vaccine.
Don't Let Things Escalate
"In conflict that is looking to turn violent?"
"Walk away. Swallow the ego and walk away."
"There's a number of people who would still be alive if they followed this."
"I think this also applies to a lot of conflicts with strangers generally. It's really senseless to argue with a stranger and especially to let that escalate into a fight. I mean what is a good outcome there? You take a risk of getting at least punched, sued, injured or killed just to win and not see that person ever again if you're lucky?"
"That wouldn't even be worth a bruise for me. It's not 'manly' or strong to carry out those conflicts. Strong real men choose their conflicts wisely and don't resort to violence but solve their problems with words where necessary. You either talk things out with people you are close too or you walk away."
Taboo To Talk About, But Nonetheless Important
"Unfortunately, it's incredibly hard to stop once your drinking crosses that invisible line. Alcohol eventually changes your body chemistry, creating a dependance on it."
Get It Checked When You Can
"Colon cancer. Super curable when caught early. Death sentence when caught late."
"A colonoscopy is terrible, but the relief when doc says, I found 3 precancerous polyps and removed them, it’s a giant relief."
2020. 2021. 2022?
"Covid. Get vaccinated."
"And now, also get boosted. Unless you have other major health issues, that pretty much guarantees you won't die from Covid."
The world is a dangerous place, so make sure you're keeping an eye out for yourself and those around you.
That cute raccoon is coming for your face.
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Betty White could have done it.
According to Norse mythology ONLY Thor could lift it because ONLY he was strong enough—and he needed a magical belt and magic gauntlets on top of his already-god-level-super strength.
Marvel went a different route and decided that an ability to lift Thor's hammer would be based on worth instead.
Reddit user gageames17 asked:
"If Thor’s hammer (mjolnir) was a real weapon, who do you think would be worthy enough to wield the hammer?"
The problem is that "worthy" is such a vague and nebulous term, ya know?
It really depends on how you look at it—and we're going to be doing a lot of looking at some "interesting" candidates.
Buckle up, buttercup, because we're going in.
Starting With The Obvious
"I'm always disappointed when anyone else wields it. I feel like it weakens the value of Thor; it feels like a cheap comic book move."
"In my mind I like to think Thor is the only one worthy and it gives him that special allure."
"You only have to be 'worthy' or pure of heart or whatever if you're going by the Marvel comics interpretation of Thor. Worthiness and being pure of heart have nothing to do with wielding the hammer in Norse mythology."
"Thor was able to wield the hammer because he had an incredible amount of strength and a magic belt that made him even stronger."
"It would be some random dude. To be known requires you have to do some sh*tty things every now and then."
"In Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the only qualified person to rule the universe is the person who doesn’t want to, and ends up being a dude in a shack. Probably the same thing here."
Betty - Obviously
"Betty White would have been able to."
"Truly this is the answer I came for."
"You have to be willing to kill in order to lift it. I'm just sayin, we all saw that Snickers commercial right?"
"Steve Irwin, no question."
"Protector of innocent animals but also, unlike most of the other good hearted but non-badass candidates presented, arguably had the biggest balls in human history."
"Steve Irwin was scary strong and athletic."
"I remember a clip where he just…. runs up a tree. The show doesn’t make a big deal of it, but Steve just runs up this tree and is suddenly up there like it’s no big deal!"
"Most people can’t do that."
"I advocate not for Steve Irwin himself, but for this one Cassowary Steve was running from in a clip I saw."
"Any animal that Steve won't f*ck with is an instant god lmao."
"My papa for sure ❤️"
"Just for some context as to how amazing and pure my Papa is, when he was 17 he got hit by a semi and broke every bone in his body. Like totally shattered his cranium to his pinky toe."
"He died multiple times, and somehow they brought him back. And despite that he went on to graduate high school at the age of 21, after re-learning everything. And I don’t just mean school stuff, I mean how to walk, how to talk, how to feed himself, how to go to the bathroom, everything."
"He met my grandma, and they have been married for over 50 years."
"Even though he has had multiple strokes, he’s supposed to be in a wheelchair that he absolutely refuses to use, refuses to use a walker, has to wear a leg brace, despite all of that he still sings at his church, mows the church yard for free, helps everybody he possibly can, and is just the most giving, humble, kind man in the world."
"While I am not a Christian, his faith to me is totally beautiful and inspiring. He never has a bad thing to say about anybody. And I’m pretty sure he would be worthy of Thor's hammer, 100%."
The Other Rogers
"Mr. Rogers and Betty White... oh sh*t."
"Guys I just realized Loki is killing off the worthy."
"Funnily enough, Mr. Rogers lifted mjolnir in a comic once. I choose to believe it's canon."
"Well, that’s wholesome."
"I was sifting through the thread looking for this comic."
The Villain Variant
"At least in the comics, Mjolnir’s definition of 'worthy' varies a good bit."
"As long as you’ve got decently good intentions and a fighting spirit, you are worthy for the most part. So there’s the obvious ones like Cap and Thor, but also some villains."
"One of the more well known examples is Dr. Doom, whose entire personality hinges on him wanting the best for the world and thinking the only way is through a maniacal dictatorship."
"Spider-Man can't wield it, and we see Spider-Man repeatedly seen as Marvels' most moral compass. Supposedly the reason is because Spidey won't kill."
"Cap and Thor have fought through wars, willing to kill to defend their ideals. Dr.Doom as well."
"' 'The heart unwilling to swing the sword when needed will never have the strength to raise it in the first place' -Mjolnir"
"That’s why they were surprised that Thanos could wield it, too."
"He believes he’s doing it for the survival of all species in the universe, i.e. a just cause."
A Unifying Force
"She fought and continues to fight for equality in country music for women. She uses her money to support good causes."
"For example, when the Gaitlinburg fires displaced a bunch of families about 5 years ago, she immediately pledged an extra $1000/month to each family for as long as they were out of their homes and delivered. And when people donated to her charity, she upped the donation."
"Elvis Presley wanted to record a version of “I Will Always Love You” back in the 70s (in fact, according to Priscilla, he sang it to her as he walked her to her car after signing the divorce papers), but Dolly said no because that would have require her to give up her songwriting rights."
"Because she retained those rights, she was the one who got an insane influx of cash after Whitney Houston’s version blew up in the 90s. What did she do? Invested in the real-estate development of an historically Black neighborhood in Nashville."
"She donates books to kids through her Imagination Library. Hell when Gal Gadot, was 'helping' by organizing a singalong of “Imagine,” Dolly was writing a check to Vanderbilt University Medical School to fund the research that eventually lead to the Moderna vaccine."
"Dolly is a fighter."
"They need to work this cameo into next season’s Loki."
" *Hands Mjolnir to Thor (in front of the Hulk?) and asks 'Is this yours honey?' then casually walks off stage left.* "
"Dolly has been a shockingly common answer to this! But then again Dolly's an all around wonderful person and the last person to criticize her got cancelled by the right and left together so... a unifying force to be sure."
"She carries a hand gun, and she knows how to use it. She's got a permit for conceal carry."
"She's one person who I'd trust would fight and kill for the right reasons."
"A Happy Little Dent"
" 'We’re going to put a happy little dent right here.' ”
" 'And here’s our enemy now. Standing beside a happy little tree. Let’s take mjolnir and just beat the devil out of him!' "
"Is Bob Ross really willing to kill? Because that is one of the requirements, also please don't call me a nerd."
"Bob Ross had a 20 year career in the US Air Force and was a drill sergeant. He wasn’t all quiet voices and gentle smiles his entire life."
"Dude cheated on his wife and stole the idea of the show. Wasn't all rainbows and happy trees behind the scenes on the Ross show."
"He's not worthy to wield."
"When I was a kid, I had a buddy who's aunt was 6'5 and probably 250lb. Absolute unit of a woman."
"I watched her carry an old school refrigerator up the basement stairs without it touching a single step. Only person I can think of."Giphy
Moment of honesty, I had forgotten about the whole "willingness to kill" thing when I initially suggested Betty ... but you know what, I'm just going to let it stand.
I can see Betty as a killer for the right reasons... which is pretty much the whole point.
So who do you think could lift it? Sound off in the comments.
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