Prison Guards Share Their Scariest Experiences Working Behind Bars
[rebelmouse-image 18358898 is_animated_gif=There are few occupations we can think of that would be more high stress than working as a prison guard. Television and film have given us countless depictions of life behind bars, and none of them show it like a walk in the park - for prisoner or guard. One reddit user asked:
Prison guards of reddit, what's the scariest day on the job you've ever had?
The answers were almost all pretty intense, but we managed to pull 20 stories that struck a chord with us. Some of these may be intense for younger or more sensitive readers, so be careful as you move ahead.
Stuck In An Elevator
[rebelmouse-image 18358899 is_animated_gif=Setting the scene:
1997; local Jail with a very big budget crisis.
The jail was on the 4th floor of the courthouse and the chow hall was in the basement. So we would have to take the prisoners up and down to eat. The elevator was junk. It broke down with me and 13 felony inmates trapped inside of it. Four were convicted murderers waiting on a bed to come open at the prison. I was trapped in a very tight space with some very bad people unarmed and alone.
They helped me crawl through the escape hatch in the roof of the elevator so I could get help. No escape attempts and no violence. It was scary, but went pretty well considering.
Florida
[rebelmouse-image 18358900 is_animated_gif=At last, my day has come. In lieu of one "scariest day," allow me, as a CO in the State of Florida, to tell you all of the scariest incidents to occur to me in the past few years.
-From the point you're hired until your graduation from the academy (roughly 6-12 months) you are advised to not get into any physical issues with an inmate. This can lead to awkward and dangerous instances when a new person is assigned to work in the Close Management buildings. On one particular day, I was assigned to assist an officer with escorting CM1 (most dangerous) inmates to their rec cages. For whatever reason, the officer I was with neglected to follow standard procedure and have said inmates step backwards out of his cell. The door rolled, and the cuffed inmates bolted between us, ran up the stairs to the second level, and started attempting to remove his cuffs. This inmate, I found out later, had a reputation for enjoying his beating of COs. It took nine officers to take him down and return him to his cell.
Fun fact; the officer I was with attempted to blame the whole thing on me since I didn't run after the inmate. He was shutdown when cameras revealed that he, as a certified officer, had ALSO not given chase.
Self-Inflicted
[rebelmouse-image 18353831 is_animated_gif=So, I worked night shift at this jail for around two years, right before I went to the academy, I was working a control room that looked over four different pods, called F-Block. Easy pod, most of them are trusties and minimum security, so they're whiney, but usually not ones you have to worry about much. This block is set up where three of the pods are set up with cells, and there's one pod that is an open pod, meaning bunks and no cells. So two days a week, we do a razor night, pretty standard stuff, the worst part is making sure you get the razor blade back. After handing out the blades, about thirty or forty minutes pass when inmates start banging on the window to get me and another guy's attention, and hitting the call box rapidly. Sadly, this can be a normal occurrence because they'll play that as prank to get us riled up. So the guy I'm in the control room hits the button to answer the call box.
Other CO: Yeah?
Inmates: You need to get in here now.
Other CO: Is it an emergency?
Inmates: Yes, please get in here.
So since I'm the newest of the two, I get the pleasure of walking into the open pod and seeing what's going on. I walk in and just freeze for a second, there's an inmate laying on his bunk with blood coming from his neck, self inflicted. So I call a signal and wait for back-up to get there. Soon me and another guy (also hasn't been to the academy yet) rush over there. The inmate is still alive and he is determined to die, he kicks the other CO away and he begins to slash the blade towards us in a threatening manner to tell us to back off. The other CO goes to one side and holds the guys arms down to his own chest, so the inmate uses this time to just slash his neck even further.
About that time, nurses and superiors find their way to the pod, but the nurses can't come anywhere near them because he's still holding a blade. He scratches one CO who is one scene (the guy has Hep C) and finally the Captain elbows the guy in the best and gets him to drop the blade. We held tampons to the guys neck and proceeded to take him to medical.
Somehow, this guy lived. Turns out he declined a sentence that would have made him serve just 10 more months, but declined the plea and received 10 years to life.
Bee Sting
[rebelmouse-image 18358901 is_animated_gif=My brother is a CO at Rikers island and around fall last year an inmate tried to stab him with a shank he had hidden in his rectum. The guy failed but I don't think the experience was pleasant.
Michael Clark Duncan
[rebelmouse-image 18358902 is_animated_gif=Obligatory not a CO. My dad, father in law and husband are COs at a max facility.
Each of them have been involved in riots, but the worst one was when my father in law, the commander on shift, was trapped in the yard by a group of inmates.
This area is normally gated off, and my FIL was in that area to make sure it was secure, but they later found out a notoriously lazy CO didn't feel the need to lock it up that day after yard (what could go wrong, right?)
The area at the time, for whatever reason, had a roof over the weight pit, and a set of double doors that led back into the prison. The tower guards didn't have a clear view of anything that happened under this roof, and the inmates knew it.
There were young inmates funneling him towards this area, and inmates behind the double doors holding them shut so he couldn't get through to safety. He was fucked.
Now, my FIL is a man that is very "by the rules". He's the kind of guy that just commands respect by the tone of his voice. He's fair, and he gives inmates what they have coming, good or bad. He'll make sure you're getting your mail on time, won't give you petty tickets and make sure you're getting a fair shake at chow. He also won't hesitate to sanction you if you fuck up. Because of this, he has built good rapport with a lot of inmates who are doing long term bids.
One of those long term inmates happened to be on the other side of those doors, trying to stay out of trouble.
My FIL described this man's appearance like that of Michael Clarke Duncan's character on The Green Mile. A quiet, compliant gentle giant.
FIL is by himself, no gun, no taser, no gas, no backup coming. He stands there helpless, trying to reason with the group.
He said he watched the window on the door fill with orange out of the corner of his eye. He turns to look and a huge arm swats these relatively tiny, young punk inmates out of the way. He opens the door for my FIL, threatens the rest of the inmates outside, and brings him inside to safety.
I'm not sure where they went after that, but he said that was absolutely the scariest situation and the most vulnerable he had ever been.
They have since removed the roof and if you EVER missed securing an area, you suffered the wrath of my FIL.
That inmate still locks there to this day, and the respect has continued on between him and my husband. Lucky for me, my husband had a great role model while training at the facility, his dad, and realizes that being a hard ass 100% of the time and being a "bad cop" can get you killed. It doesn't take much to treat people like humans.
"The Guts Guy"
[rebelmouse-image 18358903 is_animated_gif=I Had an inmate just come back from the hospital after having some sort of abdominal/stomach surgery. I was doing a round and as I passed his cell, He was sitting on the floor of his cell facing away from me with his arms in front of him and his head looking downward towards his lap.. I saw him moving so I at first didn't think much of it and continued with my round. During the round I had a weird gut feeling that I should go investigate a bit further. He was always pretty odd but never displayed any self destructive behaviors. I walked up to his cell and asked what he was doing. He just said "nothing go away". I had the door opened by the control center and when the door opened It let in enough light into the cell for me to see a bloody handprint on the floor next to him. I directed him to stand up slowly and put his hands behind his back to be cuffed, when he did that I saw both of his hands were literally dripping with blood. I got responders to the area and we pulled him out of his cell where we found his surgical wound was wide open and his innards were visible. We had come to find out that he had pulled his stitches out and had been sticking his hands inside the would to "play with his guts", as he so eloquently put it.
Body Alarm
[rebelmouse-image 18358904 is_animated_gif=Current CO here, been working for about 4 years now at a federal joint that will remain unnamed.
This happened on my off day, but I was able to watch it on the camera in the control center the next day. One hard, older CO who was known to never let an inmate get by with anything and maybe sometimes said a little to much (cursing at inmates) was dealing with an inmate in a housing unit about wearing the right uniform, well this inmate was apparently having a bad day and started yelling at the older CO. The inmate walked away and went to his cell with the older CO close behind, I assume still talking crap to inmate. At this point you can see the inmate lacing up tennis shoes and putting on gloves on camera. For those of you who are not CO's this generally means they are about to fight. Well long story short, there was this older CO and 1 other unit officer in this housing unit, the older CO starts getting his a** beat and alot of the other inmates (about 120 in the housing unit at a given time) make a circle around the fight.
While there was no audio on the video I saw, word is the inmates that circled the fight told the other unit officer that if he called on the radio or tried to help they would beat him to death. He stood there and watched as the older CO got beat, but luckily the older CO was able to hit is body alarm and help came in about 3min.
3 minutes is a long time to get beat, but he made it out with a broken nose, few ribs and bruises. Older CO still works here and still won't back down from any inmate, he is a scrappy fellow. The other unit officer was forced to quit/got fired. Never leave a brother to get beat even if you get beat. That could have been very very very bad if the older CO had not been able to hit his own body alarm and the unit officer was unable to let anyone know what was happening due to being frozen with fear. No one would have known the older CO was being beaten.
"Urine Coated Spear"
[rebelmouse-image 18358906 is_animated_gif=Correctional officer of 4 years in Texas on a Max security unit working administrative segregation (in their cell 23 hours a day) I was stabbed multiple times with a feces and urine coated spear through a cell door. Thankfully all of them were caught in my stabproof thrust vest but it was terrifying.
Paul Blart
[rebelmouse-image 18358907 is_animated_gif=My Dad has a great story:
One day he caught someone throwing drugs over the fence so he hopped in his truck and was driving over. When the guy saw him he ran into the woods next to the prison. My dad hopped out and ran after him. Eventually, they made it to a clearing and when my dad caught a glimpse of him, he had his hand on his hip like he was reaching for a gun. My dad wasn't armed. So at this point he was thinking:
"what am I supposed to do now?"
So he puts his own hand on his hip and yells at the guy to get down and my dad pretended to have a gun. The guy freaked and got down. Ends up he was reaching for a phone to get backup. But I think it's funny that my dad pulled a Paul Blart.
"Suicide In Progress"
[rebelmouse-image 18358907 is_animated_gif=I work for a small Jail. Nothing too crazy happens. One day, a female threw her sheet over her cell door and tied it to the handle. I just happened to be looking into the cell block and saw her hanging from the door kicking and struggling. I called a code for suicide in progress over the radio and ran to the block. We got her down just as she was slipping out of consciousness. She screamed at us when she woke up.
We placed her on suicide watch in the turtle suit.
About 3 years later I saw her out in public and she ran up and gave me a hug and thanked me for helping her. Apparently, she was struggling with meth really bad at the time of her attempt. When I saw her she had been clean for 2 years. Everyday I wonder why I keep doing this job and that one incident was worth it. When I started the job, I thought everyone in jail was just a sack of sh*t. But in reality, some people just mess up or have a bad day.
What Could Have Happened
[rebelmouse-image 18348537 is_animated_gif=I was one for two years before I left. I want to preface this by saying DO NOT WORK FOR NORTH CAROLINA:
So, we are so understaffed that we were working upwards of 80 to 90 hours a week. I was also working nights. Some nights i'd be in a dorm that was set up like military barracks. Those barracks had just two officers to 136 inmates. Also, the equipment we had didn't work. Our radios were fubar'd, our pepper spray had been out of date for six years, and only half of the prison cameras worked.
My other officer was asleep by 9:30 pm - as was pretty usual for my pathetic coworkers. I was walking my rounds when my baton clip breaks off my belt and the baton rolls in front of 34 inmates who are not locked down and freely moving about the room. I calmly walked over to the baton that had stopped right in front of an inmates bed and picked it up and left. Luckily nothing happened.
It was the thoughts of what could have happened that drove me to find another job. I could have died that night or any night with a sleeping officer one room over, without a working radio to call for back up or a camera to even show which person killed me. I saw so much corruption and dirt in that job that I'll never want to work for any law enforcement agency again. I sincerely hope that it turns around one day but it will have to without me.
Pregnancy And The Pencil
[rebelmouse-image 18358908 is_animated_gif=CO here. When I was 6 months pregnant, I got followed into a cell as I was doing cell checks. The inmate - whom I had given a warning about something earlier - threatened to stab me with a sharpened pencil. My partner was supposed to be watching my back to make sure I was not followed, but this wasn't the first time he slacked on that. Luckily, the inmate saw that I had my hand on my radio to call in backup and he let me continue on my checks.
I went on sick leave the following week until my maternity leave kicked in. Not worth the risks.
Seven Minutes
[rebelmouse-image 18358909 is_animated_gif=Was a Detention Officer in Max / Super-max. I have two bad stories:
Had a guy that got injured while fighting officers. One of his arteries was damaged. It was pretty frighting trying to get this guy under control so we could get him out to the hospital, at the same time as fighting with him, and having him spray blood everywhere.
The other was holding a guy up that had just hung himself for seven minutes waiting for another officer to respond with a 911 tool to cut him down.
Both inmates were saved.
Endearing, yet completely psychotic
[rebelmouse-image 18358910 is_animated_gif=My mom was a prison guard for 12 years. I actually remember a lot of stories but I'm pretty sure the scariest day for her was when her boss tried to assign her to be locked in close quarters with a TB infected inmate while she was pregnant with my sister.
This was the 90's I don't know if you can test for that now but back then you couldn't test the baby until it was born. That was her last day on the job.
She had held that job through all three of her pregnancies. It never caused her problems, in fact she used to tell us how amazed the inmates were by it. Some of them rarely see a women, let alone a pregnant woman.
I recall her telling me of one inmate who started reading about pregnancy because of my mother and would give her "fun facts" on the baby. That same inmate had stabbed another because he swore in front of my mother while while pregnant and he had read that the baby can hear everything.
Endearing, yet completely psychotic.
Flashlight And The Aryan Brotherhood
[rebelmouse-image 18345153 is_animated_gif=My friend told me this story of his account so I'll share. He was a prison guard in Arizona some years ago. On his way to work there was a monsoon. By the time he arrived the power was out and the backup generator was also out. When the power goes out like that, at least at this particular prison.
So he arrived to no power and open prison cells. It was his job to go around with a maglite and tell everyone to stay calm, stay in their cells and that food would be coming. Most inmates were cool and did as they were told. One particular man though was not so cool. My buddy approached a mammoth of a man leaning on the railing outside his cell with his arms folded. He towers over my friend, he is built like an ox and certainly outweighs him. When told to go back on his cell the inmate says "what if I don't wanna"
So you're not supposed to back down to images obviously. So my buddy is s***ting bricks but has to remain assertive. He tells him one more time to get back in his cell or else. The inmate doesn't care and takes a step towards him. My buddy swings the maglite into his face knocking him out instantly. He found out later that he had knocked out the leader of the aryan brotherhood at that prison.
He promptly put in his two weeks notice and spent the remainder of his time in a guard tower with a rifle.
Feces Everywhere
[rebelmouse-image 18358913 is_animated_gif=My first week on the job I was in the unit where the violent offenders and confirmed gang members are housed. We had a mental health offender who got mad at the person in the cell to his left. When we fed him his dinner, he "jacks the slot." There's a small slot we open to put their food tray in. When we opened the slot, the offender put his arm through it in order to stop us from closing it, thereby "jacking the slot."
He refuses to remove his arm, so we sound the alarm system to request backup. As soon as he heard the alarm, the prisoner grabbed a bag full of "fluid" and hurled it toward the next offender's cell. Inside the bag was a mix of his own feces and urine, which spilled under the other guy's door into his cell and, honestly, all over the place.
The mental health offender then reaches back in his cell and grabs two plastic wrappers covered in his own feces and smears them all over the outside of his windows. There was feces everywhere and stunk up the whole wing. Easily the worst day on the job and it was like my 3rd day.
The Throat Scar
[rebelmouse-image 18358914 is_animated_gif=Not a prison guard, but spent 18 months in Illinois Department Of Corrections. There was an older dude that was a major jerk, like BAD. He HATED the inmates. He lived to throw them in seg and did his best to get their good behavior time taken away.
He had a scar across his throat. Turns out in the late 80s/early 90s a few prisoners in Statesville got out of control. They took him and his wife hostage then slit his throat. Both lived.
Why he kept being a guard, I'll never know.
Physical Test
[rebelmouse-image 18358916 is_animated_gif=Honestly, that the physical test to work in a maximum security prison is so simple a child could do it. I watched a 60 year old/100lb woman pass it. And 350+ lb woman finish it. As well as many people that couldn't protect them selves from a teenager let alone a large grown man.
And these were the people that I was suppose to trust to watch my back if something bad happened.
Milk-Covered Quarans
[rebelmouse-image 18358917 is_animated_gif=I was a prison guard in afghanistan in 2011 at the DFIP. I think somewhere around December, we had a Quran burning incident, and tensions were very high between the US and any of the local nationals or the Afghan National Army. People were dying because of riots outside base, this was some serious shit. We were recieving threats from some of the people we worked with.
The scariest day was when I was searching a communal cell some days after the Quran burning. Usually the detainees would put their Qurans in the front middle portion of the cell, near the airlock, laying on a prayer rug. We would leave them alone and ask our interpreters to search them. Anyway, I finish my search and as I'm walking out, I accidently step on a little carton of milk thats hidden under the edge of a sleeping pad, and it explodes all over the Qurans, all 30 of 'em. As I'm looking up and seeing what I've done, I notice 3 Afghan Army guys standing in the airlock. This momemt was the scariest, my adrenaline fired up and I was ready to fight.
They were pretty cool though. I apologized, and they said they saw what happened (one guy spoke english) and understood it was an accident. They cleaned them up and replaced them with new ones. Good people.
H/T: Reddit
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Things That Scream 'I Make Bad Financial Choices'
Reddit user Safe_Space7230 asked: 'What screams, "I make poor financial choices"?'
A huge part of adult life is learning to be financially responsible.
This means, keeping track of the money you earn and where it comes from, making a budget plan or at least budgeting in your head, and never spending more than you have, even if you think you'll be coming into some extra money soon.
In college, I bought a ticket for a Broadway play I wasn't even that keen on seeing just because my best friend wanted to go. Buying my ticket would clean me out for the month, but since my birthday was the following week, I figured I'd get some money from my dad, who had been gifting me money instead of a material possession since I was 12.
Well, my birthday came and went, my dad decided to give me a gift card to a bookstore, which was a nice thought, but useless at the time, and I had to ask my friends for loans just to buy groceries that month. I lived above my means that month, which was a terrible experience, but it taught me to be smarter when it comes to finances.
Redditors know all to well how easy it is to make poor financial choices, and sometimes never learn your lesson, and they are ready to share their experiences.
It all started when Redditor Pitiable-Crescendo asked:
"What was the most disappointing movie you paid to see?"
That Stinks!
"My friend's roommate once asked him to borrow money so he could order novelty fart-smell spray from Amazon, instead of waiting for his paycheck."
"There are worse financial choices than going into debt for a can of fart spray, but it's certainly the funniest one I've heard."
– The_Lawn_Ninja
"Well, to be fair, how good was this fart spray?"
– Mercurial8
Worse And Worse
"Driving a very expensive car with tons of body damage because all their money is going to their $800 a month car payment and they can’t afford to fix the damage they caused with their sh*tty driving."
– Eyfordsucks
"I had this exact conversation with my friend today, if you cant afford to fix your car, you probably shouldn't be owning a 2022 60k Mercedes."
– Windir666
"You don’t even deserve it if it’s beat up after a year!"
– mclarensmps
Trust, No Trust
"My wife’s siblings each just received a 117k disbursement from their mothers trust. So far one brother who doesn’t own a home nor a pension plan and is 55 went out and bought a brand new Harley Davidson Full bagger bike. The other brother, who was homeless three months ago is shopping for a Dodge Charger. He is 65 and can’t afford to retire. Her three sisters haven’t made any big purchases yet.It is tough to watch knowing how hard my in-laws worked to leave a little money for the siblings."
– edawg660
"I'm sure this is exactly why your wife's mother left all that money in trust in the first place."
– malogan82
They Can Be Cute Without That
"Designer shoes and jewelry on your infant."
– GenX-1973-Anhedonia
The Lap Of No Luxury
"I worked as a bank teller many many years ago."
"One of my semi-regular customers (Doctor) would come to deposit checks from some pharmaceutical company that he got for prescribing so much of their sh*t. I'm talking 20k, 30k checks that he'd get from them every quarter."
"Anyways, he was making really good money as a Doctor, because his monthly pay that he was getting from the hospital was around 35k net. So I figure he was making 50-60k a month, gross."
"His account was always empty though. You'd be shocked at how much money they spend on stupid sh*t."
"$800 DirecTV bill."
"$1300 bill to the local country club."
"$750 landscaping bill."
"$2500 car payments."
– alwaysmyfault
"I’m not surprised at all. It’s very common for people to live outside their means."
– appyness67
The Better The Job...
"Unfortunately, it is a hard one to answer."
"I used to work in the banking/mortgage industry in Canada 18 yrs ago and this one stuck with me, and I have seen both sides of the coin."
"Example 1- early 30's married couple both doctors. Finally making some money but large student debt. A nice, big rented house with 2 nice cars (prorsche and lexus, leased). No kids and multiple vacations every year. They tried to get a mortgage, and they didn't qualify for anything."
"Example 2- early 30's married couple with a child. Both working decent 60k jobs. Currently renting a modest place with 1 car. No vacations and had some savings. They qualified for a 500k mortgage and were ecstatic. While in the process of telling them that that was their maximum threshold, they stopped me and said, "we try not to live beyond our means so we can hopefully own one day.""
"It was at that moment that I realized that because you have something, it doesn't mean you own something."
– mpah78
"I was in the mortgage game for a while too. It’s crazy how many peoples finances didn’t match what you would assume by looking at their life from an outside perspective."
"The amount of people who were doctors/lawyers and felt they deserved the good life but really had too much debt to live like it was noticeable"
"As well as the blue collar types who saved and saved and never really change their lifestyle at all."
"It’s also crazy how bad at personal finance doctors were. Whenever I heard “we are both doctors” I would wince. One of them was gonna have a bananas credit score with every card maxed out."
"Or anyone with a new fully loaded Nisan titan."
– Small-Cauliflower-37
Live For The Now...
"People who refinance their home in order to take a vacation. You took a week off and only thirty years to pay for it. Brilliant idea, bozo."
– 710AshburyStreet
"Guy I know took a 25k loan on his house to go on on vacation for a month with his family."
"Said you only get to live once. the thing is he went on vacation back to his birth country, and wanted to live large so people think he's successful"
– Fr33z3n
Nothing Lasts Forever
"Going into debt for a wedding."
– alterperspective
"This is so true. A close friend is still paying off her wedding but the marriage ended last year."
– armyofsnarkness
No Joke
"Making payments on a tattoo."
– Queen_of_Trailers
"I met a woman on a dating app once that had a number of tattoos. She had a low income job so I wondered how she could afford them. Turns out she was on a payment plan with the tattoo studio....I was like yeah, no thanks."
– working_class_tired
"Wait, what?! This is actually a thing?! I thought it was just a Jeff Foxworthy joke from the 90's. Holy sh*t, people actually do this..."
– ifnotmewh0
"TIL you can set up payment plans for tattoos and that’s enough learning for me today."
– watudo22
Pika Pi!
"I spent over 80$ tryna win a giant pikachu and failed"
"Could have bought that thing for 34$ but it was well worth it"
– Nolifelolwhat
Save Money, Buy A Car
"Drives a Maserati, but works as a fitness trainer and is in six figures in student loan debt"
– RosemarySaraBlack
"Reminds me of my cousin who lives with his folks, along with his wife and their baby. Apparently, he’s saving so much money on rent that he went out and bought a $65K Tesla. His folks were a little miffed about that, haha."
– BringYourSpleenToYa
I would be miffed too!
Do you have any stories? Let us know in the comments below.
Small talk and gossip have a funny way of impacting the information that we receive and what we feel about it.
So much so, we sometimes accept events or concepts as fact because we've heard the information so many times.
Redditor Emma_Mendoza_ asked:
"Historians, what historical fact does everyone believe in, even though it is not fully proven?"
Textbook Records
"I think many people don't understand that the history taught in schools is sort of a middle ground that historians found during vehement discussions. In particular when it comes to poorly documented events historians tend to present them in a reasonable narrative by biding points that make for a nice story."
"In reality, much of that was very random and didn't make any sense. Later, historians label something e.g. 'renaissance' by inventing the word that is supposed to explain those random events. One thing that struck me... was that the fall of the Western Roman Empire was not a dramatic event for Romans."
"It just happened after decades of unfortunate events. To Romans the day Odeaker removed the emperor was just another political turmoil at the top... much as those that happen daily in your country and go unnoticed."
- TraditionalCherry
Boudica, Who?
"Boudica, the famous Celtic warrior queen who led an uprising to protect Britain from Rome... may not have existed."
"All accounts of her existence come from Roman historians such as Tacitus and Cassius Dio who not only had never stepped foot in Britain but were born after the event took place."
"Tacitus' account came from what he was told by his father-in-law, Agricola, who was stationed in Britain during the time of the event. Cassius Dio's account of the event is far more colorful in its description, but also far more likely to have been fabricated."
"That being said, there is archaeological evidence to suggest some truth to the tale. In both accounts, Boudica and her army are said to have sieged the Roman capital of Camulodunum (now Colchester) and razed it to the ground. There is a burn layer in the city of Colchester that is dated to the year that the revolt took place."
"Also in Tacitus' accounts, the rioters were said to have raided the city's Temple of Claudius and violated the statue of Claudius by beheading it and throwing it into the River Alde. In 1907, the head of a bronze statue depicting Claudius was found in the village of Rendham, downstream from the River Alde."
"So while we lack any material evidence that directly confirms Boudica's existence, we do at least have evidence to suggest that there was a civil disturbance within Roman Britain during the time that her revolt took place."
"Nevertheless, she served an important role in both Tacitus' and Dio's narratives through her alleged speeches to her armies, in which she directly criticized the rule of Emperor Nero (and emasculated him) and the state of Roman society due to its overindulgences. Despite being a female barbarian warrior, she is valorized in the narrative by being given traits that are masculine, heroic, and civilized, embodying the Roman ideal more so than Rome itself under Nero's rule."
"In that sense, there is a likelihood Boudica may have existed to some extent, but the popular narrative around her serves more as a contemporary Roman propaganda piece than an accurate historical narrative."
- LexGonGiveItToYa
Height Is All Perspective
"Napoleon was average height for his time, it's just the average back then is smaller than today which caused us to think he was small for some reason."
- jolankapohanka
"That, and French feet and inches were slightly longer than the English ones. Which the English knew. But it made for good propaganda to not properly translate his measurements and instead claim he was short."
- ElNakedo
Titanic-Sized Truths
"A couple of truths about the Titanic:"
"People saying it was 'unsinkable' was a reflection of shipbuilding at the time. People would have described any modern ocean liner that way, and there was nothing particularly special or unique about the Titanic (in terms of safety)."
"Bruce Ismay being the villain of the story and pressuring Smith to speed up is based on the testimony of only one passenger so it's disputed if such a conversation ever occurred. Ismay denied it (for whatever that might be worth) and there are also many other factors that suggest that it would not have happened, or if it did, Ismay was pleased with the time they had already made as opposed to suggesting they go faster."
- KavyenMoore
The Truth About Archimedes
"Since the new 'Indiana Jones' movie brought it up:"
"No, Archimedes probably did not invent a death ray by using a giant magnifying glass. Although it is attested to in historical sources, the fact that it’s impossible under the known laws of physics suggests it is probably an exaggeration."
- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
The Rasputin Treatment
"Rasputin was not the lover of the Russian Queen, he simply knew how to treat hemophilia, which Prince Alexei suffered from, and was thus given direct access to the Royal Family. The royal court hated that this strange-looking religious weirdo with no nobility had such massive influence over the Royal Family, so a rumor that he was secretly banging the Tsarina was spread as an attempt to get the Tsar to remove him from the court."
"He couldn’t actually even TREAT hemophilia, he just made everyone stop making it worse."
"The doctors gave the boy aspirin, which made him bleed more, which freaked out his mom who had terrible anxiety and other mental problems, which the boy picked up on and freaked out further. Rasputin didn’t allow him to take aspirin and calmed his mother down, and that’s all it took to keep the boy in good health."
- theoriginaldandan
This Is More Than Sparta
"There were way more Greek warriors than just the 300 Spartans during the battle of Thermopylae."
- ascootertridingataco
Not 'Et Tu Brute'
"Caesar's last words were not, 'Et tu Brute?'"
"That line was created by William Shakespeare."
"Caesar's actual last words are not known but it is speculated they were Why this is violence. After Senator Tullius Cimber grabbed his toga down just as the assassination was beginning."
"Though even those words must be taken with a grain of salt."
- Lizzy_Of_Galtar
The Truth About King Tut
"King Tut is only relevant because his tomb is the only one that was not extensively robbed."
- Peyyton01
"Not robbed until the 1920s anyway."
"I've heard the reason for that was because he was such an insignificant pharaoh that reigned for such a short time that people forgot where his tomb was."
- ST616
"His tomb was placed in the valley of the Kings where rubble was piled on top of and the yearly floods brought more unintentional burying with it. I did see somewhere that his tomb was below the workers' lunch/rest area."
"They now know that whatever he died of was a surprise as his tomb wasn't even finished as there were still brush marks in the plaster on the walls whilst painting. Additionally, they're unsure if his sacrifices used was intended for him, but that's another thing altogether."
- enchantedspoons
"He wasn't a notable Pharaoh, and if anything, one that ancient times would have pitied/loathed."
"It's definitely the uniqueness in the tomb and the preservation rather than him being an important historical figure in Ancient Egypt."
- thetightestchungus
The Fall of the Library of Alexandria
"That the texts in the Library of Alexandria held some sacred knowledge that is lost forever and would change the way we look at the world if we knew what's inside."
"But, we DO know what was inside. 80%-90% of the Library of Alexandria was copied and spread throughout Africa and the Middle East by the time it had burned down."
- ItsADepature
"Saying the Library of Alexandria was lost to a fire itself is also wrong. The Library of Alexandria was actually multiple libraries within the city, and only one of which famously burned and most scrolls were actually saved. The truth is the Library of Alexandria wasn’t lost to a raging fire; it simply fizzled out over the centuries..."
"Interest in the libraries waned, rulers cut funding, buildings fell into disarray and/or were converted for other uses, etc. It’s just far more dramatic to say that a huge chunk of the world’s knowledge was lost to a fire; propaganda that became “truth” over the last 2000 years."
- casual_creator
The Writing of 'The Odyssey'
"People believe that Homer was an actual living person who composed the entire 'Odyssey.'"
"There's no historical proof of his existence. It's entirely possible he's either a composite of many different storytellers or a mythical figure himself (the blind bard)."
- chipdriver
Lost in Translation
"I'm not a historian, per se, although I read a lot about ancient civ/history."
"Just found out today that Virgin Mary might just be the accidental mistranslation of a word hundreds of years after the original writings. And that's if you even take scripture seriously to start."
"Apparently in a translation from one language to another, the word for 'young and nubile' was swapped for a word meaning 'virgin' and the entire Virgin Mary arc started as a result."
"If true, it's wild."
- AVBforPrez
Numerical Translations
"Everyone in the Heian era in Japan (who was not an aristocrat or clergy) was a farmer first and foremost. This belief originates from records labeling all those people farmers (new theories suggest that the term's meaning shifted over time) and taxes being paid in rice."
"Again, recent discoveries indicate common practices like exchanging the goods brought in yearly for their value in rice and then accepting the rice as tax. We are fairly certain that this was done to balance the books and in actuality the farmers submitted their goods and the authorities wrote the complicated exchange process down but never actually carried it out for the sake of efficiency."
"This leaves the issues of rice fields, as the legal framework required everyone to keep and tend a certain area of rice fields. The reality suggests that most profitable businesses paying their tax on other goods had lower farm yields than most. The question here becomes whether they engaged in other means of accumulating value because they only had bad soil or whether they simply neglected the assigned fields."
"If the former is the case we can be somewhat certain that the society was (at least in its own perception) primarily farming-based. If the latter is the case (as is the consensus among many historians right now, but not in school books or among the Japanese general population) it seems Japan was more advanced at that point than previously thought."
"I tend to think that they were initially based around a mostly subsistence economy with a feudal-adjacent system but evolved into a normal feudal society (by relaxed standards) fairly soon. Still, historically almost everyone believes in the subsistence idea, despite evidence slowly accumulating against it."
- RoamingArchitect
The Truth About Calvary
"Obligatory not a historian, but a pre-historic archaeology student who has used this opportunity to research quite a bit of medieval history too."
"That cavalry only ever attacks from the rear or sides, and that frontal-charging infantry with cavalry is almost suicidal for horses."
"This I believe is a myth originating from what amounts to balancing decisions in wargames."
"While it is true that frontal charging with cavalry is tricky, it is still relatively common. During certain periods it was more common than in others. One of the most prominent instances of frontal-charging cavalry was the Latin European culture of the Middle Ages (High Middle Ages in particular). Their mounted knight's frontal-charged infantry for hundreds of years, to generally great effect too."
- ThisOneForAdvice74
Through word of mouth and entertainment, there are certain stories that have been so powerful, they're simply accepted as fact from the beginning.
What's amazing to think about is how they're never contested after being heard for so many years.
When I was 11, I developed a crush on a boy who was obsessed with X-Men comics. Wanting something to talk about, I told him I loved the X-Men, and was dying to read the issue he had on his desk, which I knew was new only because my brother was into X-Men and I was the one who took him to the store to purchase it.
The boy seemed pretty impressed and asked me who my favorite X-Men was. I said Wolverine since he was the only one I knew. The boy agreed with my opinion.
That night, I looked up biographies and power descriptions of a bunch of X-Men characters so I would be able to discuss the characters with him the next day. However, the next day, he didn't want to discuss the characters, but the events of the newest issue. He asked me if I had read it, I stupidly said yes, and he asked me what my favorite part was.
I was literally saved by the bell, as class ended at that moment, but the lie seriously backfired. I ended up never speaking to that boy again because I could not get trapped in another X-Men conversation. I never lied to a crush again.
I'm not alone in this. People lie about being interested in all sorts of things -- sometimes really dumb things -- to impress a crush or date. Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their stories.
It all started when Redditor Adventurous-Ebb6556 asked:
"What is the dumbest thing you have pretended to be interested in because you wanted to date someone?"
Shouldn't Have Lied
"Going antiquing"
"Now we’re married, and we go every weekend"
"Help"
– Hoyle33
"Ah yes, is your home also filled to the brim with things that we will "resell someday""
"I think I have about 10 antique tables in my basement"
– vikingArchitect
A Crazy Route To Success
"Law. She was telling me about working for her dad's law firm during college and she was going to sign up for a Princeton Review LSAT course. I had good grades, a double major that had no career options other than professor in both, so I signed up for the LSAT class to study with her. Ended up getting a full ride to a school that rejected her and she broke up with me. This upcoming Monday I'm scheduled for maybe my 150th jury trial (if I had to guess how many I've done over 15 years)."
– SpiceLaw
"This is reverse Legally Blonde"
– Particular-Sink7141
"illegally brunette?"
– TH3_V3GAS
The Guitar Was More Interesting
"Started playing guitar to impress a girl. Got into guitar and kind of lost interest in the girl."
– Rude_Independence_14
"…then lost interest in all girls…then also guys…then there was just the guitar. We moved to Montana and started a small business selling crocheted guitar cosies."
– classactdynamo
Microsoft Of Course!
"Excel. Dude kept talking about how good he is at it. Wedding is in January."
– Starrydecises
"Make sure he gets it properly on his calendar since Excel is notoriously bad at dates. Clearly he wasn’t."
– raines
Yikes!
"I joined theater at a community college and started dating another actress in the class. I vaguely like musical theater, but I’m not crazy about it. She was tho. She convinced me that I love musical theater and I should transfer to a 4 year university and pursue that as a degree."
"I applied for the musical theater program at a 4 year university, I got accepted, and she and I wound up breaking up after a month at the new school. I didn’t want to deal with changing degree plans."
"I now have a Bachelors of Fine Arts in Musical Theatre and I don’t even like musicals that much.
"I just tell people I have a degree in “theater”"
– Pope00
"You win, dude."
– dearlysacredherosoul
"Have you thought about making a musical about it?"
– TomPal1234
Lie, Exercise
"Was dating a runner who as reeeaallly into distance running. I’ve never ever felt compelled to run but talking about it with him all the time convinced me to try it … I’m running my first half marathon in less than 2 months hahah"
– Ukeiok
"Did you get the guy tho?"
– apell_ri
"Majorly messy. He moved across the world, I visited him, he’s now seeing someone else but will be back in my city in the future. I’m pretty cut up about the whole thing but I guess we’ll see what the future holds"
"at least I’m a runner now hahah"
– Ukeiok
He Was A (Sore) Loser
"Does it count as dumb if I wound up enjoying it? Learned to play Magic the Gathering in middle school because I had a huge crush on one of the guys who played at lunch every day. We hung out a couple times, then he refused to talk to me after the first time I beat him. But I kept playing, still do, and it my late 20's it turned out to be one of the first things my husband and I connected over."
– thing_m_bob_esquire
"You know the kid wasnt the right one when he couldnt be humble in defeat."
– Nnetaru
Ride Like The Wind
"I said I could ride a horse, which I clearly couldn't. She booked a beach ride and after the initial slow walk to the beach she took off on her horse and mine decided that it would be cool to follow them at full speed. I remember praying to any god that would listen to help stop this creature, white-knuckled it until the end."
– pavlovsape
Travel Plans
"I used to have this habit of lying about my ancestry when I was drunk. Really, a lot of the times, I was just f**ked up and confused - my mom is adopted and all she really knows about her lineage is that she is central or Eastern European. She got one of those DNA tests done that tell you where your family is from, and she told me the results, but over time I’ve kind of forgotten them."
"So I’m sitting in a bar, a guy approaches, he sits beside me and he looks sad. I was a couple drinks deep so I began to talk to him about why he was sad, how I could help, etc. I told him that I love to travel when I’m feeling “stuck” in life, and I asked him where he would travel to if he could go anywhere. He said he wanted to go to Russia."
"“How cool, I’m actually Russian!” 🙄 “No way, really? What are the odds?” “I know, crazy, right?”"
"He was quite drunk by this time as well. We started talking about buying plane tickets to Russia together, changing our identities, etc. we actually tried to buy tickets, but found out quickly we needed visas and we were too drunk for that sh*t. I found him really charming, I liked talking to him. I took his number down even though I was going on a two week trip to another state the next day. Got back from my trip, got back to work for a couple weeks, but he was still on my mind so I invited him to hang out."
"Long story short, we’re married now. Fwiw, he does now know that I’m not Russian."
– TripAway7840
Desperation?
"I once went along with a girl who was wiccan and truly believed her pet rock was her familiar and she would talk to it."
– Mad3yez
"I converted to Latvian Orthodoxy when my girlfriend’s parents said that she couldn’t date anyone outside the faith."
– ExistentialCamper
"Many years ago, School choir. I can’t sing. My parents were bewildered at having to attend a recital to watch me lip sync."
– TalkaboutJoudy
Backfired
"His deep conspiracy theory level fixation with alien coverups... I told him I'm open to the idea of extraterrestrial life and then unwisely agreed to an Ancient Aliens marathon. It lasted about three weeks."
– Throwaway28404028
Dating Diet
"On a first date at a coffee shop, a guy I liked said his family was “sort of Buddhist” and so he grew up eating lots of vegetarian food and plant-based alternatives. I said that was super cool, and that “I always wanted to eat more plant based.”"
"We were both in college, so when we started seeing each other regularly, most of our dates were getting meals together in the dining hall. For MONTHS, I was eating way more vegetarian food (and not good vegetarian food, we’re talking steamed tofu and sometimes unseasoned chickpeas) mostly because I wanted him to think I was cool and respectful of animals."
"Eventually, I decided to come clean and say that I was doing it to impress him but that I needed to stop eating sh*tty dining hall tofu. He then told me he had noticed I would always go for plant based, so he had also been eating more vegetarian also in an attempt to impress me. We ditched the dining hall that night and went for double bacon cheeseburgers."
– Forward-Community708
"Bacon brings people together!"
– ArcheryTXS
Movie Saddness
"It may not be the dumbest content but I have a dumb story about The Hunger Games. Years ago I was interested in a girl who was looking forward to seeing the second Hunger Games movie. So I watched the first one in hopes of taking her out to see the second one. Unfortunately for me she started seeing someone else before we went, so I felt Id wasted my time. Fast forward a year. I started seeing a girl just after Halloween of the next year and she was super excited about seeing the third Hunger Games movie. So, once again, I watched the Hunger Games movies in prep to see it. In keeping with the theme, we split like a week or two before the movie came out, so to date I have seen the first two Hunger Games movies and have no intention of watching any more"
– tenphes31
"This is basically me with Twilight."
– zombieforguitars
"I had a roommate agree to go see the new X-Men with me if I went to the new Harry Potter with her. I had to watch like 3 movies to get caught up and went to the 4th with her in theaters and then she totally bailed on X-Men"
– nAsh_4042615
That story sounds pretty familiar!
The body is an extraordinary thing.
Humans are always testing and pushing past the boundaries of what the human form should be doing.
It takes getting decades into life to realize that none of us are invincible.
So why can't we do the right thing and take proper care of this gift we've been given?
Sadly, that realization often comes too late.
So let's discuss some war stories.
Who has test the limits the most? And why?
Redditor Mazider wanted to compare notes on how we've all brutalized our bodies, so they asked:
"What is the most insane thing you’ve put your body through?"
Training to run a 3 minute mile almost killed me.
Like, who the H*LL is chasing me?
Wild
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & GraceGiphy"Currently pregnant with my first kid and realizing how wild this stuff is. Organs relocate themselves, stuff starts hurting in places you didn’t know existed."
toxinogen
The Comeback
"I was paralyzed from the waist down due to a spinal cord injury. Doctors said never walking again was a big possibility. 4-6 hours a day over the past 3-4 years were dedicated to rehab (massaging, stretching, and exercises). After the first year I was walking again, but I couldn’t stand up for too long."
"Now I climb, swim, and weight lift! Deadlift is at 180kg, Squat is 155kg, and Front squat 110 all at the BW of 74kg I think it helped that I’m only 25, but the body does amazing things given the time and effort to care for it properly."
someGuy0202
Getting the Boot
"I injured my calf playing basketball. Didn’t have health insurance at the time (god bless the USA), so decided to not go to ER and treat it myself for a bit to see if it gets better. Friends convinced me it was a high ankle sprain, probably. I iced it, took some ibuprofen, got a boot and a cane from the pharmacy, and went to work the next day (I’m a camera operator/dop for tv shows)."
"I got a sports massage on the calf (hurt like hell) and the pain got better in a week or so. Still didn’t have a range of motion and it was swollen and slightly bruised. Kept working."
"My friend was getting married in St Martin and I promised to film his wedding. So I dragged my a** all the way there from Los Angeles and as I was laying on the beach, one of the wedding guests came up to see why I wasn’t swimming. She looked at my leg and immediately said, 'I’m an MRI technician, and you have a ruptured Achilles.'"
"I couldn’t sleep googling it all night. The swelling, the bruising, and the loss of range of motion were all checked out. Dragged my a** back to LA, got officially married to my fiancé, bought health insurance, and went to a doc... yup, completely ruptured my Achilles. 45 days I was shlepping around like that with it untreated. Got surgery, had a brutal recovery, and had to walk down the aisle with a boot and a cane."
50mm-f2
On the Grind
"I was really heavy on my grind for years, taking caffeine pills, Adderall, and drinking coffee all the time... one night it was so bad that I could feel my kidneys throbbing, my back was sore from dehydration... my chest was bumping so hard that it sounded like a drum in my ear. I thought to myself, maybe I should go to the hospital. What I ended up doing was going right back to sleep. To this day, my heart can't take much stress or I get chest pains."
NaiveAd8426
Fractured
New Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy"Motorcycle accident. Fractured my skull in a couple of places, and burst an eardrum. Was in the hospital for a month, apparently acting like a child, only people I recognized were my mother, cousin, and best friend. Also, couldn't move my left eye because a nerve and/or muscles moving it pinched by the crack under it. They had to put a metal bit to close the gap."
.arnelthelionjr
I need four wheels.
I can do a bike, but motorcycles are a no.
Less Distance
Go Go Go Running GIFGiphy"A 50k run… seriously sucked and made me stop running long distances. I've done marathons before and didn’t think the jump-up would be as big of a deal as it was. Now I stick to 10k and 15k."
JD054
Gotta Go
"Being there for someone caught in addiction. The late-night calls to come take care of them, the countless trips and hours in the hospital. The mood swings and all of it started taking a toll on me physically to the point I started feeling like I was the one using. I had to walk away after realizing there was nothing I could do. She lost her battle a little over a year ago and it tore me up. Still working through it but it’s a daily process. Rip LD and I hope you finally have peace."
Dirty_Boy_Jay
All work/No play
"Working everyday 12+ hours without a day off, for more than a month."
Any_South2605
"This is tougher than most people think, especially if it's high-intensity work in the heat or cold. I do outages every year that are usually at least two weeks, approximately 12-14 hours a day. Some days they hit over 20 hours, it takes its toll after a week or so. Especially if you have a family. I lost 10 lbs in my last outage, stressed as hell trying to oversee a critical path project."
TheSwissRussian
The Worst
"The whole Appalachian trail was pretty tough but so spread out it didn’t seem that bad. Thought long-distance hiking (trail legs) = marathon (running legs)… that was NOT the case. Worst pain ever. Took almost 2 years to enjoy running in any form then I ran a 50-mile ultra marathon a few weeks ago, proper training kept the pain at bay."
forvillage22
Hazards
hazard GIFGiphy"Went into a secure facility to train to do my job as a chem ops specialist in a live environment where nerve gas exposure was a real risk."
jackfaire
Chemicals are always an issue.
How people do jobs near chemicals I'll never know.