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Power Hungry People Share Inconvenient Rules They'd Impose If They Were In Charge

Power Hungry People Share Inconvenient Rules They'd Impose If They Were In Charge

Power Corrupts

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There's a saying: power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

But the idea of absolute power can be intriguing and perhaps a little enticing. Given the chance to be dictator for a day, would we do it? If we did it, what would we do?

Reddit user Deity_Of_Death asked "If you were a dictator, what kind of ridiculous dictator-like stuff would you do?"

People let their inner authoritarian out and came up with their own despotic to-do lists.

5 Step Plan

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  1. People who drive slow in the left lane get their cars taken away and crushed in a compactor in front of their eyes.
  2. People who stand in the checkout line talking on their cell phone get thrown into solitary confinement for a week to learn the joy of peace and quiet.
  3. Vaccines are mandatory for everyone (except those with actual medical issues).
  4. American "chocolate" is hearby banned for all time. Only high-quality European chocolate may be consumed.
  5. And because I'm a benevolent dictator, free ice cream on Fridays. Good ice cream, not that stuff with 50-million ingredients.

The Darwin Purge

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Assuming I'm dictator of the world (as that's the only situation where this plan would work), I'd pass a law both banning and requiring the removal of all warning labels. Our species is due for a culling in the next 200 years. Why not get ahead of the game and let natural selection do the work? A side bonus of said law would be the living population would inherently be more intelligent, because the bozos who need a sign that says "WARNING HIGH VOLTAGE DO NOT TOUCH" in order to not touch something dangerous will weed themselves out of existence.

Selective Breeding

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As a dictator, I'd have the science developed to switch off everybodies ability to reproduce. They'd have to apply for a license to have a kid.

As long as they're decent, educated, and have the means to raise a kid, they'll get their reproductive capability switched on until the mother becomes pregnant. Then it's off again.

Yes, of course all alternative family styles are eligible. I'm a dictator, not a monster.

Castro's Cuba

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Become obsessed with milk and dairy products, I'd import cows from Canada and breed them with local cows to create the perfect milk producing cow that can survive the heat.

Create an entire air conditioned facility the size of a football field to house my cows, ignore my peoples wants and needs to fuel my cow empire

Reverse Customer Service

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Immediately every person who has never worked retail or restaurant reports for six months of training so they can know how to treat someone in those positions.

Religious Exhibition

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Round up every multi-millionaire religious leader and put them on display in a public zoo.

Lactose Tolerance

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Install a hamster like water bottle filled with my choice of flavored milk.

Education Special

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Education would be much more important. No dropping out. No failing. There would be different tiers for different levels of intelligence. Teachers would be the highest paid state job there is with ridiculously high credentials required. Teacher to student ratio would be in a very desirable range.

Capital Punishment

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My nation would officially be renamed Badassistan, and the only official law would be "don't be a jerk".

Fortunately, as the Great and Unimaginably Head Badass of Badassistan, I am the sole arbiter of what does and does not constitute being a jerk.

  • Caught arguing about politics on the internet? That's a hanging.
  • Ghosted someone 'cuz you're too much of a wimp to break up with them? That's a hanging.
  • Refused to pet a sad looking puppy? You better believe that's a hanging.

Cattitude

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Ban all religions except my own. My friends and I have started a new religion where we worship cats as our Gods. When faced with a tough situation, I ask myself "Would a cat judge me for doing this?" If the answer is yes I just don't do it.

Well, the best thing about this religion is that you can be anywhere in the world and believe and follow the same ideals. You don't need any official ceremony to enter the religion.

The rules are:

  1. Don't be an a-hole.
  2. Love cats and accept in your heart that cats are superior to you. You will never be as cool, smart and badass as a cat.
  3. You must attempt to talk to and pet any and every cat you see.
  4. You must watch cute kitten videos and share them with all your friends as often as you can. The more, the better.

Right to Work

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Make it illegal to be unemployed, with the appropriate agency to help you get a job of course.

If you turn out to be poor for the job, you'll be reassigned.

With Salsa, Guacamole Extra

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Taco Tuesdays are now mandatory.

Fight It Out

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Every town center gets an MMA cage or wrestling ring. Two grown people wanna settle something with bare hands? Go on ahead.

Titles Are Everything

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Look up some of the wacky titles that dictators have given themselves. That's the first thing I'd do.

Idi Amin (president of Uganda 1971-1979) gave himself this title: His excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of all the beasts of the earth and fishes of the seas and conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular.

Timeless

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I'd abolish time. You get caught with a timekeeping device, it's hard labor indefinitely, because we no longer recognize the concept of years.

Get caught with a watch? Jail.

Flava Flav? He's toast.

If my secret police find so much as one gnomon or pendulum, you better believe you and your whole family are getting shipped off to the Pit of Misery.

In the Red

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I'd have a massive fleet of stupidly expensive cars and the highways get a 'red lane'.

You are not, under any circumstance, allowed to drive on the 'red lane', EVER! The red lane is for me and people who I grant acces to it. There will be no speed limit in that lane, so I can go anywhere I please as fast as I please on the highway.

Fines for using the red lane without my permission can be very very expensive and I'll be the judge in court for when you used it.

Lord of the Flies

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I would give every teacher the ability to pick one student each year to send to "The Island". The Island is isolated and inescapable. It may or may not be filled with dangerous creatures. There is plenty to eat and drink, but now the kiddos will only be able to annoy each other. Obviously the threat of being sent to The Island will motivate students and their parents and make public schools a better place to work. How about that for Teacher Appreciation Day?

Sorry Ted

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Probably for every good action (like education or health care reform) one ridiculous action (anyone named Ted can no longer buy or consume ice cream) and enforce it with an iron fist. Need to keep people on their toes.

The Names the Thing

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Give my country a ridiculously over the top positive sounding name like all the crappy dictatorships do.

"The Lawful Democratic People's Prosperous Republic of Letsgetblitzedopia"

It's the political equivalent of strolling and whistling to look like you're chill and not doing anything wrong.

Detailed Plans

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  1. Rename all the days of the week and the names of the months after myself and my family.
  2. Make it illegal to wear yellow clothes on the first Meday of each month (except for Metober).
  3. Move the country to a timezone with a +27 minute offset from nearest neighbor and move the day when Daylight savings comes into effect around from year to year (just to screw with the people who maintain the time zone database).
  4. Switch which side of the street people are driving on based on astrological advice (without changing stuff like which side the doors of buses open etc).
  5. Spelling Reform (everything gets spelled the way I misspell it.)
  6. Rename major cities and geographical features after me.
  7. Have worship of me integrate into or replace the local religions.
  8. Crush dissidents under my iron heel (and my tanks)
  9. Surround myself with a cadre of beautiful amazon bodyguards.
  10. Hold elections where 110% of the votes go to me.
  11. Implement national health care and invest into educating many doctors and medical practitioners.
  12. invest into education to achieve close to 100% literacy.
  13. Make sure that a book written by me becomes everyone's new bible.
  14. Trick the CIA into assassinating people in neighboring countries that I don't like.
  15. Implement a great internet filter that automatically replaces certain words and phrases as well as pictures so that my subject who decided to search for porn online come away with the mistaken impression that everyone outside the country has really weird fetishes.
  16. Rewrite history books and maps so that Belgium does not exist.
  17. Introduce version of popular sports that have substantially different rules than everywhere else.

Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences

Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'

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Markus Winkler/Unsplash

According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.

Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.

Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).

To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:

"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"

Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.

Making Sure

"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."

– sleepypanda59

Wise To Wait

"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."

– SisterPhister666

Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else

"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."

"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."

– shoelessmarcelshell

These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.

Assurance

"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."

– Reddit

Normal In No Time

"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."

– Bright_Composer_3901

"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."

– Alante

Best Money Ever Spent

"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."

– HarrumphingDuck

Cherry On Top

"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."

– Secure_Requirement84

Some final thoughts.

Only Pros

"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"

– PunchARacist

One Unsettling Thing

"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."

"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."

– GuestCartographer

The One Constant

"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"

– richwat00

Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.

Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.

Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.

gray conveyor between glass frames at nighttime
Tomasz Frankowski on Unsplash

I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.

While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.

Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.

For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.

But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?

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wedding bands on dictionary
Sandy Millar on Unsplash

Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.

Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.

And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.

In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.

So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?

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shallow photography of man hugging woman outdoors
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.

I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."

Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.

I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.

It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:

"What's the best pickup line of all time?"

Read It And See

"You put the sexy in dyslexic."

– koookyko

"This made me laugh so hard."

"Because I can read properly."

– TappedIn2111

I'm Hooked

"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"

"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""

"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""

"Next day, he’s gone too."

"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”

"And I say “yes.""

"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."

"I said, “Check please bartender!!""

"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."

– reb678

Statistics

"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."

– AlfheimKitteh

"Math is always super sexy."

– Acceptable-News-6811

Money, Money, Money

"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."

– onemanwolfpack21

"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."

– kkirchhoff

Winner, Winner

""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""

"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"

– PRSHZ

One Liners

"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."

– Starry_Night-

"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."

– Slainna

"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"

"(My name is Harley) 😁"

– OMNIxvTRIX

No Losers

"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"

– SchemePale6222

"I got blue screen in my head."

"Explain please."

– TastyToothpasta

"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."

"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."

– Steeze_Schralper6968

Clever

"My go-to was always:"

"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"

"A little corny, but it usually worked."

– StuffToday

Refreshing

"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."

"-Hey, do you like water?"

"-Yes."

"-Then you like me in 70% already."

– azurskyy

Sneaky

"Would you date a complete stranger?"

"If she says “yes” you’re in."

If she says “no.”

“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"

– Blastspark01

Playing Coy

"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."

"I asked her who and she said “Me.""

– evil_boy4life

Prop Lines

"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"

"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"

– cannibalcats

Egg-cellent

"Best one that worked for me was:"

"Me: How do you like your eggs?"

"Her: Over easy, why?"

"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."

– Radiant_Boss4342

The Best Line

"How you doin?"

– 2x4x93

"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"

– JohnsLong_Silver

That line would definitely work on me!