
Little White Lies
[rebelmouse-image 18358761 is_animated_gif=We say honesty is the best policy, but are we practicing what we preach? When it comes to dealing with children, quite often we aren't. Whether it's Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy or fibs to get them to eat, adults actually lie to children quite a bit.
Reddit user ballabate4 asked "What's the most elaborate lie you've ever told your children?"
Here are the answers from the liars and some of the children who were lied to.
The Sweet Spot
[rebelmouse-image 18358762 is_animated_gif=My dad used to tell us that the brown spots on bananas were "sugar" - my brother and I would peel our bananas and literally brag to each other about how much sugar ours had.
"Mine has 3 sugar spots!" ... "So? Mine has 4!"
Now that I'm a parent, I think my dad was a - and I can hardly wait to start using this on my daughter.
You're So Vain
[rebelmouse-image 18358763 is_animated_gif=My mother lied to me about her age until I was 14. She told me she was 10 years younger then she actually was. When I was 6, she said she was 22.
The mental gymnastics I played to figure out timelines of where I was when my mother was away at college and other events was mind-boggling.
Eggcellent
[rebelmouse-image 18358764 is_animated_gif="Eggplants grow from eggs"
They didn't believe me at first because I mess with them way too much.
So I "planted" an egg and a week later replaced it with an eggplant.
1,000 Words
[rebelmouse-image 18345410 is_animated_gif=I told my youngest cousin that he had a limited number of words a day and after 1000 words he would not be able to talk. Got my siblings and all the other cousins to play along since we were on a family vacation. He believed us for a solid week. We would all pretend like we were counting our words to make sure that we didn't hit our quota because then we wouldn't be able to talk for the rest of the day.
He went from the loudest most talkative little kid to silent because he couldn't remember how many words he had said and didn't want to reach his quota.
Bovine Bedtime
[rebelmouse-image 18358765 is_animated_gif=My son would always wake up with a cow lick in his hair from sleeping. I turned this into an elaborate story about a cow that would sneek into our house every night to try and lick his hair because the cow thought it was a carrot (hes a red head).
Managed to convince him to sleep with a carrot for a few nights because I said the cow would eat that instead of his hair. Then each night either me or his dad would take a bite out of the carrot to prove the night cow had been by.
Multi-Functional
[rebelmouse-image 18358766 is_animated_gif=My parents told me the ice cream truck was a music truck and it worked until one day I found out and ran inside and told them
"DID YOU KNOW THE MUSIC TRUCK SELLS ICE CREAM?!?"
Dad Joke, Wait 10 years for the Punchline
[rebelmouse-image 18358767 is_animated_gif=When I was but a young child, my father told me about the Gride. At home we used the Gride for one thing, to pick up dust piles off the ground, usually with a broom to help. I grew up and always assumed that tool was called a Gride and never learned different.
It wasn't until my sophomore year in high school that I learned the truth.
I had gotten into an argument with my girlfriends mother about what a dust pan was when I was helping her clean up. I went home later and asked my dad what the deal is with this thing. He told me it always made sense to call a dust pan a gride. Because you have a groom and a bride, therefore the broom must be accompanied by the gride.
Still call a dust pan a gride to this day, just makes more sense.
Leavened Lies
[rebelmouse-image 18358768 is_animated_gif=My nephew wouldn't eat whole wheat bread so his father buys him white bread instead. We buy whole wheat, but in a different wrapper than his parents.
Once he asked me what it was and I told him "it's chocolate bread".
He was convinced, and now he loves it.
Our Neighbor to the North
[rebelmouse-image 18354441 is_animated_gif=I had my nephew convinced that Canada wasn't real for like a week.
He's 11.
Wrigley's Baked Ham
[rebelmouse-image 18358769 is_animated_gif=My mom used to call cut up ham "bubble gum" so I would eat it because I was such a picky eater.
I would try to blow bubbles and she told me she could see them.
Interplanetary Explorer
[rebelmouse-image 18358770 is_animated_gif=Back when my youngest son was in elementary school, they were studying astronauts and the space program. One day my son comes home all excited about the astronauts that had visited the moon. This was a time when I was still a hero in my son's eyes and I wasn't about to give that up so, I nonchalantly said, "That's nice son but, I've been to Pluto".
The next day he showed me a drawing he made about his dad going to Pluto and told me he was taking it to show his teacher. I had to quickly explain it was such a great drawing that I wanted to keep it. We put it on my closet door where it hung for years.
He turns 27 this year and I still have the drawing which we joke about quite often.
The Color Purple
[rebelmouse-image 18358771 is_animated_gif=Without missing a beat, after breaking open a nest, my wife told our 3 or 4 year-old daughter who was wearing purple that "bees won't bother you if you're wearing purple. They hate purple."
They calmly walked away, our little one in her favorite color, without a sting.
Finally told her the truth at 12.
Fowl Play
[rebelmouse-image 18358772 is_animated_gif=Had family over for Thanksgiving. One of the little ones refused to eat turkey.
"I hate turkey".
Ok you don't have to have it. We have some chicken, you want that?
"Yeah, I love chicken."
He gobbled that turkey down and was just so proud of himself for getting what he wanted.
Fairy Funds
[rebelmouse-image 18358773 is_animated_gif=My daughter dropped something heavy on her toe and killed the nail. I told her that when it came off that the toenail fairy would bring her money if she saved it and put it under her pillow. My wife was not amused, but the toenail fairy pays a lot.
Later she told her kindergarten teacher that the toenail fairy came and gave her 20 bucks. Heard about that one in a parent teacher conference...
Red or Green Though?
[rebelmouse-image 18351080 is_animated_gif=My parents used to tell my brother all the time that "if you do [insert chore/behavior of choice] now, then I swear when you turn 18, if you still want to go to Power Ranger school then I will send you!"
He literally did everything they wanted like a grade A suckerooni.
Easter Switcheroo
[rebelmouse-image 18358774 is_animated_gif=When my daughter was 2 or 3, it was easter and my in laws had cooked a ham.
My daughter wanted nothing to do with the small pieces of ham we had cut up.
Around the table were some of those chocolate eggs in the foil wrappers. She knew what those were, but wasn't allowed to have them. Someone grabbed an empty wrapper and wrapped up a piece of her ham when she wasn't looking. Then said "here, have this"
my daughter unwrapped it and happily ate the piece, we then handed her another wrapped piece of ham. To her, this was a treat and she didn't clue in until the 5th or 6th piece.. I can just imagine her brain "heeeeeeeeeey wait a minute, THIS ISN'T CHOCOLATE!!!"
Illegal Lighting
[rebelmouse-image 18348751 is_animated_gif=I always thought turning on lights in cars was illegal. I didn't figure out it wasn't until a post on Instagram making fun of how we were all told that. I'm 23.
Solid-Liquid-Gas
[rebelmouse-image 18358776 is_animated_gif=My sister would call water "ice juice" to get her kids to drink it. They hated water but loved ice juice!
Ear to the Ground
[rebelmouse-image 18358777 is_animated_gif=We told our daughter when she was 3-6 that her ears wiggle when she was lying. She walked around covering her ears up all the time.
Picture a 4 yr old earnestly telling you something with their ears covered and elbows straight out. Yes, I washed my hands. Nope, that's not my popcorn on the couch.
Optical Illusion
[rebelmouse-image 18358778 is_animated_gif=I work at a bank, and we've got a big jar of lollipops in the back table behind the teller line. It's very clearly visible. So when parents come in with their kids, the kids will always ask for one. Here's my favorite exchange that I've seen:
"Mommy, can I have a lollipop?"
"No honey, they don't have them."
"But they're right there."
"No honey, they're not real."
Comedy is in a very tricky place right now.
There is so much to NOT laugh about in this world.
In truth, many of us have forgotten how to laugh.
And certain jokes that are told, make people afraid to laugh.
So what do we do?
We tell inappropriate jokes apparently.
Let's hear some...
Redditor CrewCreation wanted to hear some "risky" comedy. So they asked:
"What’s the best morbid joke you know?"
***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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Life can change in an instant.
It can always change for the better.
Just ask any lottery winner.
Sadly, life can also take a turn for the worst and leave people shattered beyond repair.
Watching someone's life fall apart in a short amount of time is difficult.
You have to wonder if there really is such a thing as karma, bad luck, or Voodoo.
Redditor OkImagination5852 wanted to hear about the times we've been witness to personal disaster. They asked:
"People who witness a person's life crumble in a single day, what happened?"
I have lived through a lot of bad days. But thankfully they've been one disaster at a time days. So I guess I'm lucky.
Horror
"A friend of a friend had his entire family killed overnight. He was from my college and was home visiting his family. His parents, siblings, and extended family were all there together. One night, while they were all asleep, his father got up, took out a gun, and went on a shooting spree. He then killed himself."
"Everyone except this guy died on the spot. When my friend visited him at the hospital, the guy was still in shock. He had no idea why his father did that. This was more than a decade ago, and I have no idea how he's doing now."
DeadOnDeparture98
The IRS Called
"Knew a guy who had a nice house, wife, 3 kids. Machine shop in his garage, Snap On tool truck, sign out front, great mechanic. Never incorporated, didn't pay taxes on his business, cash only. Took nice vacations, bought a boat, then a camper. Five years later, the IRS came. I don't know what they estimated he owed but they seized everything. He lives alone in a trailer now."
Nobody_Wins_13
2 at Once
"My mom’s dad and dad’s mom both died on the same day. Completely unrelated. We were pretty messed up for awhile. It was 2010. Mom's dad had emphysema (lifetime smoker) and was pretty sick for a few weeks. I was in college at the time and came home to be with him, because we knew he was about to pass. Dad's mom was in the nursing home, as she had had a stroke and also had dementia (she often thought I was my dad, she thought we were in the 70s, etc.)."
"She took a turn for the worst, and so my dad left the hospice my grandpa was at and went to be with her. The towns they were in were about an hour apart, so I stayed behind with my mom to comfort her when her dad passed. A few hours go by, and he passes peacefully (huge thanks to the hospice workers for their respect and grace during this time)."
"Within an hour or so of his passing, we get a call from my dad saying that his mother had passed as well. It was a terribly dark day in our family, and the next couple years for me in college were pretty much a blur. Thankfully, things got better in time and we are all doing well now."
She lost everything...
"Her husband left her after previously persuading her to remortgage their house to save his business and he's already made her take multiple credit cards out in her name. She lost everything. He did it the week after their youngest turned 18 so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He'd obviously been planning for years."
Ieatclowns
a black sheep...
"My cousin was in a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend died. She broke her back. When she was in the hospital she learned she was pregnant. It's been 16 years and we're still trying our best, she took an all too familiar path of drugs, burning bridges and more pregnancies."
"At this point she's fairly stable and clean as far as I know but a bit of a black sheep. Her mother has custody of all one of her kids. She has her youngest and seems to be doing good by her, but who knows. It's been hard on everyone, especially her mother and her brother."
Paradigm6790
Well this is the stuff of nightmares. I'm grateful for every moment I have alive.
Several lawsuits are filed...
"Here is multiple lives ruined in an instant. A friend was over at some other people house, drugs were involved. They had been playing with a gun. My friend points the gun at a girl, pulls the trigger and shoots her in the head. Girl dies, friend gets locked up until he turns 18. Parents at the house get arrested because they knew what the kids were doing. Friends mom goes into a depression and ends up getting evicted from her house. Several lawsuits are filed."
sentondan
Gone Forever
"It was me... got in a car accident and suffered a traumatic spinal and brain injury that I had no chance of surviving... a 7 vertebrae spinal fusion, yrs of physical and mental therapy... 18 yrs later and the pieces, though many forever gone, are finally coming back together."
2boneskuLL
A Bad Night
"He trashed his fathers vacation house with an axe before setting it on fire, stabbed the neighbor nearly to death, stole their car and then crashed it into a cop car so bad the cops were injured. He also got his girl pregnant, so once he is out of prison they're gonna start a family."
Dumbing_It_Down
"dangerous"
"Pregnant friend found out husband (43) was having an affair with young woman (19) who was a volunteer at their ecolodge. Friend had 'dangerous' pregnancy and had to spend a lot of time in bed. This betrayal destroyed their marriage, split the little town where they lived and caused two employees to quit because witnessing the affair going on was just too painful."
"She had a beautiful baby girl (to go with her other two girls, lol) and after the breakup was clinically depressed. Worked hard and got a divorce (she had a great lawyer); got the business back on track; beat her depression and now is planning a great vacation trip with her girls."
"Meantime, Dad has generous visitation but just 'hasn't gotten around to' buying a car seat so he can pick up the baby and for a long time asked my friend, 'Can you drop the girls off at my Mom's?'"
NoBSforGma
Lost it All...
"Recently, I know of a guy that had borrowed all his family’s life savings for the most part to participate in the whole game stop stock thing happening… he lost every penny of his money (credit card advances), and his parents retirement, and every other dime he could get… it makes me sick to even think of it."
Bangbangsmashsmash
Well those are A LOT of bad days. Good luck to all of you.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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Those who are wealthy have the luxury of acquiring the best of the best–whether it's dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant or status-identifying clothing from Chanel or Yves Saint Laurent.
But even the rich have their limits when it comes to frivolous spending before casting judgment on friends or colleagues.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Sasquatchfl asked:
"Rich people of Reddit, what's the craziest/most unethical thing you've seen people in your circle spend money on?"
Expensive experiences were a priority over prized possessions.
Live Sushi
"An ex worked for Dell in the late 90s/early 2000s. He was pretty high up and there were lots of partiers in his work circle. Went to a party hosted by one of the dellionaires and there was a body sushi girl. I don’t know what was paid to her, but it was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen."
– 5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor
Pissing Contest
"Paid a group of homeless guys to only use the bathroom on a competitors business. Eventually bought that place for a massive discount."
– Haboobalub
Let's Work Out
"My mother woke up one morning and said she felt she was way too fat and she wanted to get a treadmill. The treadmill wouldn’t be a problem, but then she saw where it would be and didn’t like the lighting. Fast forward 2 months later there’s a 40k outdoor gym built and connected to the house. She hasn’t used it once."
– Herrera5449_
Taking A Leap
"Travelled with a bunch of ex 'friends' all fairly wealthy."
"First trip to SE Asia together and as an ex-local I was a de-facto tour guide (despite not being there in over a decade)"
"They somehow found and offered a bunch of kids diving off cliffs to jump for spare change."
"They increasingly challenged each other to land their coins as close to the cliff base and small surrounding rocks for the kids to dive for."
– Satakans
It's about the finer things in life.
Expensive Party Gag
"A 3k ouija board from Gwen Paltrow's store. I didn't even know it was a thing until the dude brought it out. I really wanted to cut it up and see what it was made from. Looked nice don't get me wrong but the thing is basically a party gag. For 3 grand, it better summon a demon that's all I'm saying."
– con_this
Slow Burn
"$600 USD for a candle."
– Jeffranks
It's not always about the things you acquire.
Minor Inconvenience
"I know a guy who went to get a new drivers license and had to pay ~$100k in back parking tickets, then joked about it after."
"Apparently he couldn't get a permit to park in front of his house, so he just did anyway, and accepted like a $200 fine everyday."
– melodyze
For A Successful Election
"Not me, but I know a guy who crowd funded (read: threw a bunch of money into, then solicited more at a flea market) $80,000 toward his friend's DA election campaign. The guy won. So far, this has paid back at least $120K in avoided legal fees. I know some rich people. Most of them are more boring than you think. Hell, most of them drive Hondas, Toyotas, and Nissans."
– KP_Wrath
The Lance Corporal
"I was stationed with a Lance Corporal who was wealthy beyond means after selling some of his patents. He owned and piloted four helicopters. Lived in a palatial waterfront house in Jacksonville, NC."
"The cheapest one cost 400K. That's the one he trained on. The most expensive was about 1.2 million. That's 1.2 million 1981 dollars. The two he's got now are about 5 million each."
"Had a floating landing pad out back moored to his dock and another landing pad in the back yard. Kept two helicopters and a Rolls inside his custom-built hangar at Norfolk International Airport."
"He drove a pair of Rolls-Royces. He also toyed with a 900K Miami-Vice type speedboat. He also housed and transported his squad to Camp Lejeune and back in a custom mini-bus."
– ApplicationConnect55
The dude was very giving and lived a very clean life. He'd fly us to Norfolk, pickup the car and we'd do our shopping and eating. Hop in a chopper and return home. He'd fly his fire team down to Miami on weekends. He kept a Limo there and wore a chauffer's outfit and did all the driving.
He bought a full-service and licensed pub in Northern Ireland. He lives there with his wife. Does a lot of charity work there. We still keep in touch."
– ApplicationConnect55
When there's plenty of money going around, there's no need to worry about a single thing.
That peace of mind is a luxury in itself.
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When marriages or relationships fall apart, infidelity is not always the cause.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Liam_Tang asked:
"People who've divorced, aside from adultery, what were the irreconcilable differences that ended the marriage?"

You think you know a person when you walk down the aisle.
These Redditors were in for a rude awakening.
Pet Neglect
"My wife divorced her ex for many reasons, but the final straw was when she went out of town for a few days, and when she got back he had not fed or given water to the dog. The dog lived a long and happy life after that."
– StrangeCrimes
Obsessed With A Crush
"Not me, but I had an old coworker that divorced his wife for spending their entire savings on candy crush and games of the same type."
– Hexis40
Compatibility Musts
"ITT: Intimacy (sex/romance), beliefs (religion/spirituality/politics), kids, and I haven’t seen it yet but it’s coming: finances."
"The big four. You REALLY need to discuss these things in detail BEFORE getting married."
– rabbiskittles
Physical violence is a legit reason for people to peace out of a relationship.
The Flattening
"She threatened to hit me with a hammer."
– michaelrohansmith
Hitting The Bottle
"She became an abusive alcoholic. It was sad but I had to get out."
– diegojones4
Emotional pain is too damaging to recover from.
Truth Hurts
"She told me as we stood in front of the judge ending our 7 year marriage, 'I never loved you, I just wanted kids.'"
– Pinch_Dogs
Can't Fix Angry
"She was beautiful/smart but an angry angry person. I thought I could be sweet to her and 'fix' that. Heh. She kicked the crap out of me emotionally. Wife II has been a walk in the roses for 32 years now :)"
– lowlandr
A change of heart is worthless if comes too late.
"We Could've Had A Nice Marriage
"He could not understand that my wants and needs were as important as his wants and needs. We tried to make it work for 7 years. During that time, for things that were really important to me, I tried explaining logically, asking nicely, begging, crying, yelling, passive aggressiveness... cycled back through all of these options multiple times."
"(If I knew something was important to him, I would do that. For example, he was really into sports, so I went to all his events, even though that is not at all my thing.) When I finally threw up my hands and told him it was time to get a divorce, he suddenly panicked and said 'What can I do? Do you want me to do half the chores? I'll do it! Do you want me to get a job? I'll do it! Do you want me to buy you presents for your birthday? I'll do it!'"
"So, in other words, he could have been doing that all along, but just couldn't be bothered. That made me so angry. We could have had a nice marriage that we both enjoyed, but no, by the time he saw the light, that ship had sailed."
"We are both happily remarried now (to different people) and I joke that his new wife owes me a thank you note. It was his experience with me that taught him to listen to her and take her needs seriously."
– Bluebird-True
"What Can I Do?"
"My ex was exactly like this. I didn't marry him but when I told him let's break up, he went all like, what can I do? Let's get engaged, let's look at houses, etc. Basically all the pre-marriage topics that we should be discussing about after being together for 7 years."
"I got so angry and straight up told him it's too late... I don't need you anymore."
– gudetarako
As much as a couple wants to stay together, unforeseen circumstances can eventually tear people apart.
Very few people can maintain healthy long-distance relationships.
When a new job opportunity takes a significant other away, would you begrudge them for wanting a better position to earn more money? Or is it better for them to reluctantly turn down the opportunity so they could stay with you? Do either scenarios breed resentment?
These were questions I've often asked myself with past relationships, and my answers varied depending on the person I was with.
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