The job of a police officer can be dangerous.
It can also be really entertaining (or annoying, take your pick) and you quickly become accustomed to all kinds of excuses you may hear from members of the general public when they're caught doing something they shouldn't be doing.
Redditor cub_trent asked today's burning question: "Cops of Reddit, what is some of the weirdest/best excuses you've gotten from people you pulled over for speeding?"
Here are some stories from cops and members of their communities. People are really... creative. We'll leave it at that.
"My dad was a cop."
My dad was a cop. He told me how he pulled over an old man for speeding and the gramp was yelling "you pulled me over because you KNOW I have biscuits in the oven at home and they are BURNING now because of you!"
"She jumped out of her car..."
My dad, who is now retired, pulled over a young woman for speeding and he said as soon as he got up to her window, she said "F*ck, I am so sorry!" She jumped out of her car and booked it to the side of the road while pulling down her pants and sh!t just exploded out of her. My dad then proceeded to nope the f--- out without even giving her a verbal warning. I used his story in a college essay about how to avoid getting tickets. Thanks for the 4.0, dad.
"I was a cop for several years..."
I was a cop for several years in a rough city and eventually grew to dislike it.
The weirdest excuse for a excessive speed violation on a traffic stop was given by a younger, blonde, attractive female, in a convertible, who said in reply to the "Why are you going 55mph in a 20mph school zone?" question was "My belt pinched me." At this point she grabbed her tiny belt buckle at the top of an ultra short mini-skirt and brought her knees up to each side of the steering wheel. I got the view she intended on me getting.
I was in my early 20's and for some reason I didn't have the response you would think a guy my age would. It somewhat felt insulting. I returned to my car, wrote her a ticket (as I would have anyone for that much over the limit), and then wrote her actions on the back of the ticket for the judge to review. Once she realized she was getting a ticket her entire demeanor changed. She instantly became irate, snatched the ticket out of my hand, slung my pen back, and drove away once released. That reaffirmed I made the right decision in writing the ticket.
"The officer who had been at the game..."
Just finished officiating a small town high school basketball game. It was a rivalry game that while the outcome was never in question got pretty heated between the two teams. Home team won but the home coach also received a technical late in the game. On the way out of town with my co official I got up to highway speeds prior to the city limit sign which was way out of the town surrounded by fields.
The officer who had been at the game looks at us and say "Y'all were the refs at the game tonight. I can understand why you would be in a hurry to get out of this town tonight." Then just walked back to his car. Not even a written warning.
"Officer!"
"officer! I'm driving my wife to hospital, she's in labor!"
-" sir, you're alone in the car..."
"sh*t."
"I don't work much speed enforcement..."
Giphy
I don't work much speed enforcement but here are a couple off the top of my head.
I stopped a lady who said she was going to church and really needed to use the restroom, and insinuating that she had diarrhea. I checked the address on her license and realized she had just driven out of her neighborhood.
I stopped another lady for doing 20+ over in a near blizzard. She told me she was driving back to town from the nearest big city (4 hours away) with a carload of kosher food for the upcoming Jewish holiday and she needed to get it back before it spoiled.
Most people don't have very good excuses and try to gross me out by saying they have to poop or have lady issues. I'm not easily deterred.
"My mom got stopped once coming home from the grocery store."
My mom got stopped once coming home from the grocery store. We were buying food and drink for my upcoming graduation party. We were going 55 in a 35. The cop says to my mom "if you can give me an excuse I've never heard before I'll let you go"
My mom sighs and says "I dont have one, I was just asking her(me) if she thinks we have enough soda for her graduation party" The cop looks in my moms back seat to see 15(i think) cubes of soda and exclaims "holy soda! Ok that's one I've never heard... you're free to go."
"Pulled over a lady speeding..."
Pulled over a lady speeding in a school zone during the time when busses and kids were arriving in the morning. The first thing she said to me was: "Do you know how hard it is to drive with no hands?"
"He mostly had horrific stories..."
My ex husband was a Sgt on the local police force. He mostly had horrific stories, but once he pulled over a woman and she just had this look of desperation about her. She said she had to go to the bathroom but he was like, "yeah don't we all". Well while he was back in his car, running her through ncic and whatnot, he saw her jump out of her van, run around to the big door, and jump inside. He got out to check what was going on and caught her pooping into a box in her van. She had irritable bowel syndrome, or something similar. She got away without even a warning.
I used to ride with him a lot and once he pulled over a young man who was not driving straight. Of course he thought the kid was drunk but it turns out he had a lazy eye and had not yet mastered driving a straight line when his eyeball wandered.
"When I was a Texas State Trooper..."
When I was a Texas State Trooper had this little story happen to me. Stopped a car, don't remember exactly why, probably for speeding in the middle of the night probably 10 miles from town. As I was approaching the car a truck driving by blew a tire. Now I know a tire doesn't sound exactly like a gun shot but its close and loud. On instinct I draw my sidearm and take cover behind the rear of the vehicle. About the time I get into cover what I really heard clicked, felt dumb holstered my sidearm and approached the vehicle. Talked with the driver, he told me that when the tire blew he thought I shot at him too for just a split second. We decided to go our separate ways with our funny story.
"I was pulled over..."
I was pulled over by a state trooper. I told the cop about the 10% rule, where drivers are allowed a 10% buffer over the posted speed limit because of possible technical errors in the speedometer. I was let off with a warning.
"Driver asked why..."
Giphy
Friend of the family is a cop and had this story (not sure if it is true or not, but still pretty funny)
4 cars all going the same speed (well over the speed limit) in the passing lane. Cop pulls one of them over and gives him a ticket for speeding.
Driver asked why he didn't pull the other 3 cars over and cop asked him if he likes to fish?
Driver said "Yeah"
Cop responded "ever catch ALL the fish?"
Driver just said "Fair enough" took the ticket and went on his way.
"It was late..."
It was late, around midnight and I was getting off of work. No one was on the highway, so I decided to gun it.
Got pulled over doing "well over 105mph". He asked what was the rush and I told him I was on my period and just wanted to get home and cleaned.
He let me off without a written warning. That's like a $400 ticket.
"A social worker I knew..."
A social worker I knew told me about how she was late to testify against an abusive father. Gets pulled over, tells the cop that if she misses court, the abusive dad walks. Got a police escort the rest of the way.
"And she did."
"I gotta pee! I gotta pee! I gotta peeeeeeeeeeee!" And she did. She was so distraught, I felt bad. But hey she got a pass for doing 80 in a 25.
"I'm a French cop..."
I'm a French cop, I caught a Belgian once who said she was going too fast because of our nice roads. She said in Belgium she drives slowly as there are holes in the concrete.
"Not an officer anymore..."
Not an officer anymore (changed careers to IT because I'm a huge nerd), but I once let a guy go for speeding 53MPH in a 35MPH zone because he had a S.T.A.R.S. emblem on the back windshield. I think I said something to the effect of "I can't, in good conscience, write a ticket to a fellow Resident Evil fan." and sent him on his way.
The look on his face was priceless.
"I got pulled over..."
I got pulled over for speeding on the way to my own wedding. I know that I must have looked and sounded pretty frantic, because when I explained, he just said "Go! Go! Just try to slow down!"
"I once rolled a stop sign..."
I once rolled a stop sign right in front of a police station. Halfway through the intersection my brain caught up with me and realized what I'd done. Of course a cop was there and I saw the lights go on.
Pull over and just say, no excuse officer, just got out of a basketball game and I didn't see the stop sign. Sorry.
She let me off with a warning, I had resigned that I was going to get a ticket but sometimes the truth works.
"My friend and I..."
My friend and I were coming back from a concert and we got stopped just before the highway. Cop said my friend was doing 53 in a 35. Then he mentioned the "my son is in the navy" sticker my friend had(he was driving his mom's car). He proceeded to rant about how our president doesn't care about the military. We didn't get a ticket.
But we should also be prepared and ready to ask the right questions to have a leg up on the competition.
"What is THE best question to ask on a job interview?"
A company's history or information about a past employee were suggested subjects appropriate for questioning.
Prior Knowledge
"When you were interviewing here, what would you have liked to know before you joined?"
"This worked for me. I asked my interviewer a question about how she had personally dealt with a company policy she had just explained. She bragged about her stellar adherence to the policy. I nodded my approval. I got the job."
A Previous Employee
"One that has always gone over well for me:"
"What were some qualities that the previous employee in this role brought to the job that you would like to see carried forward?"
"Another good thing to do is research the company you are interviewing with and you can ask things about what they may be involved in or you could drop that while reading about the company, you wondered this."
Hypothetical questions were suggested as helpful examples of inquiry.
Indicators Of How Companies Treat Employees
"A question that landed me a job once was: 'If I asked your direct reports about your management style, what do you think they'd tell me?' Stumped a hiring manager and he emailed me personally to tell me about it, no one ever asked him that question but got the job.
"In my current interviews I'm asking 'what did your company do for its employees during [the virus] to improve their day to day, work life balance, etc.' and I ask 'Is there anything your company adopted during [the virus] that they plan to keep post [the virus]?"
"These questions give a lot of insight into whether a company treated their employees well."
Past Performance & Adjustments
"If we were currently sitting in my 1 year review, what would I have done in this year for you to say I excelled in my role?"
"If I could snap my finger right now and change anything about your job or the company, what would it be and why?"
The following questions about a prospective company may not be answered from initial digging on their website.
Measure Of Success & Career Trajectories
"How is success measured in this role?"
"What are some possible career trajectories within the company that could stem from this position?"
Being A Solution
"Ask them what is the biggest problem you can solve for them in your first six months with the company. Similar to 'don't think of a purple hippo,' this forces them to imagine you succeeding in the position."
Simply The Best
"Who is your best employee and why is he/she the best?"
"You will then face 2 situations mostly:"
"panicking CEO who can't answer you 'Bob who works 17 hours a day for a slice of bread' so the fear in their faces must be a big nono for you"
"entusiast CEO who actually follow their business and can tell you who is an added value for the company and why."
– ThePiz91
My experiences with job interviews are different than others seeking work in office environments.
Having had a years-long career as a dancer, my "interview" was the dance audition, where hopefuls dance in small groups of people at a time after learning a routine and then awaiting their fate after the panel evaluates their performances.
The question I may or may not have asked in such a scenario earlier in my career was: "Did I make the cut?"
I did not make the cut. And I learned never to ask that again.
I remember the worst date I ever had. My biggest regret is that I stayed for the entire thing. I should've left as soon as I realized this was not going well, which was basically at hello. But he was paying so I drank, a lot. I'll keep names and dates to myself to protect the innocent.
0/10
Big Brother Reaction GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"Went to brewery, date said I had hairy arms and that meant I was horny, said "you look really awful in this light" and then tried to dig out of that hole by saying in his native language that was a term of endearment long term couples said to each other. 0/10 did not date again."
Lucky 13?
"My wife wanted to plan our 13th wedding anniversary. I was excited because usually, I plan it. She bought us some new disc golf discs and after a quick supper, we went to play. We hadn't played in forever. We were laughing and I had a great time. She served me with divorce papers and told me that the date was a test to see if she still had feelings for me. I also learned that she was having an affair that started well before our anniversary."
- rmorlock
Two Hours from Home
"Not necessarily a date but a person I was dating invited me to his parent's house for the afternoon. He wanted to introduce me to them and show me the house he grew up in. I thought it was super sweet and had no problems going. He was also in the middle of moving and needed to pick up a few things, so it really didn't seem that unusual."
"Yeah, we got there and it was awful. His entire family was there. They traveled from hours away too. This was not just meeting the parents, it was meeting the ENTIRE family. Even worse? At some point, this idiot told his parents that he had proposed. We had been dating TWO months. I spent the entire afternoon dumbfounded and just playing along."
"We were two hours from home and I had no cell service, no way to leave at all. We ended up spending the afternoon brainstorming wedding ideas and planning an Alaskan honeymoon that his parents planned to gift us. His brother even called to say congratulations! We drove back to his apartment in silence. When we got there, I got in my car and left, didn't even bother grabbing my stuff. Weirdest experience ever. I have no idea how he broke it to his parents that we weren't getting married."
You're Cut Off!
"Got set up on a blind date once between mutual friends. She shows up to the restaurant already a little tipsy, orders multiple appetizers and only takes like one or two bites from each one. Then she proceeds to order 3 or 4 more drinks and is visibly drunk at this point. She gets up and says she's going to the bathroom and staggers off. About 15-20 minutes go by so I try to call her several times but no answer."
"Finally I decide to pay the check and just leave. About 2 hours later I'm sitting at home and I get a call from an unknown number. It's the police department. She was picked up on a DUI on her way home after she ditched me and gave the cops my number to see if I could go bail her out!"
- mox44ah
Sorry?
Bbc Three Idk GIF by BBCGiphy"Well, I gave this answer on a different topic, but it ties in with this. We were out on a date, we had been seeing each other for a while, close to a year maybe. She gets a phone call. Suddenly she looks destroyed. Her fiancé had just died in a motorcycle accident."
What in the world? I mean how can we ever expect to pair off with the dating pool being inundated with liars and nut jobs? I'm going to delete my apps.
Girl, Bye.
Sassy Beyonce GIFGiphy"Had a girl openly flirt with the bartender in front of me. She says she wasn't. But handing him her own phone and asking for his contact info in front of her date seems like it to me."
Crazy!
"Came out from a movie, late at night, and date's Camaro was stolen. Apparently, he called his WIFE (that I did not know he had) and let her know where he was and what happened. She showed up and realized he was on a date! She started chasing ME around the parking lot telling me she was going to kill me. Saved by the cops who showed up just in time to take the auto theft report."
Hey Mom
"Met a girl at a country bar one night in my 20s. We were both pretty drunk but hit it off pretty good. Ended up getting her number and we agreed we'd go on a real date. Fast forward to the date, she gets in my vehicle and... she looks almost identical to my mom. I was mortified. I was polite and we went for lunch where I found out she also had a boyfriend she "wasn't sure if she was into". Never talked to her again."
- SgtGo
Liars...
"When I was in college many years ago, before the advancement of cell phones and social media, I was chatting with a girl I met on a BBS who lived on Long Island, NY. I was 18 at the time, but lied and said I was 22 because she said she was 25. We spent a few weeks emailing each other, as well as calling each other."
"We even exchanged pics. When we finally met up, things blew up. Turns out we both lied about our ages: She was really 33, and lied because she thought she looked younger. She admitted she sent a college photo to me. We still had dinner together, but it was awkward as hell. We never spoke again."
Doubles
Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy"It was a double date. She was more interested talking to the other girl throughout the whole thing. Found out later from the other guy that his girl cheated on him with my date."
Ummm... I think I'm just going to stay single. That is a handful of crazy. Why can't people just be honest? I swear the search for love warps people's brains. Be careful out there people.
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