The job of a police officer can be dangerous.
It can also be really entertaining (or annoying, take your pick) and you quickly become accustomed to all kinds of excuses you may hear from members of the general public when they're caught doing something they shouldn't be doing.
Redditor cub_trent asked today's burning question: "Cops of Reddit, what is some of the weirdest/best excuses you've gotten from people you pulled over for speeding?"
Here are some stories from cops and members of their communities. People are really... creative. We'll leave it at that.
"My dad was a cop."
My dad was a cop. He told me how he pulled over an old man for speeding and the gramp was yelling "you pulled me over because you KNOW I have biscuits in the oven at home and they are BURNING now because of you!"
"She jumped out of her car..."
My dad, who is now retired, pulled over a young woman for speeding and he said as soon as he got up to her window, she said "F*ck, I am so sorry!" She jumped out of her car and booked it to the side of the road while pulling down her pants and sh!t just exploded out of her. My dad then proceeded to nope the f--- out without even giving her a verbal warning. I used his story in a college essay about how to avoid getting tickets. Thanks for the 4.0, dad.
"I was a cop for several years..."
I was a cop for several years in a rough city and eventually grew to dislike it.
The weirdest excuse for a excessive speed violation on a traffic stop was given by a younger, blonde, attractive female, in a convertible, who said in reply to the "Why are you going 55mph in a 20mph school zone?" question was "My belt pinched me." At this point she grabbed her tiny belt buckle at the top of an ultra short mini-skirt and brought her knees up to each side of the steering wheel. I got the view she intended on me getting.
I was in my early 20's and for some reason I didn't have the response you would think a guy my age would. It somewhat felt insulting. I returned to my car, wrote her a ticket (as I would have anyone for that much over the limit), and then wrote her actions on the back of the ticket for the judge to review. Once she realized she was getting a ticket her entire demeanor changed. She instantly became irate, snatched the ticket out of my hand, slung my pen back, and drove away once released. That reaffirmed I made the right decision in writing the ticket.
"The officer who had been at the game..."
Just finished officiating a small town high school basketball game. It was a rivalry game that while the outcome was never in question got pretty heated between the two teams. Home team won but the home coach also received a technical late in the game. On the way out of town with my co official I got up to highway speeds prior to the city limit sign which was way out of the town surrounded by fields.
The officer who had been at the game looks at us and say "Y'all were the refs at the game tonight. I can understand why you would be in a hurry to get out of this town tonight." Then just walked back to his car. Not even a written warning.
"Officer!"
"officer! I'm driving my wife to hospital, she's in labor!"
-" sir, you're alone in the car..."
"sh*t."
"I don't work much speed enforcement..."
Giphy
I don't work much speed enforcement but here are a couple off the top of my head.
I stopped a lady who said she was going to church and really needed to use the restroom, and insinuating that she had diarrhea. I checked the address on her license and realized she had just driven out of her neighborhood.
I stopped another lady for doing 20+ over in a near blizzard. She told me she was driving back to town from the nearest big city (4 hours away) with a carload of kosher food for the upcoming Jewish holiday and she needed to get it back before it spoiled.
Most people don't have very good excuses and try to gross me out by saying they have to poop or have lady issues. I'm not easily deterred.
"My mom got stopped once coming home from the grocery store."
My mom got stopped once coming home from the grocery store. We were buying food and drink for my upcoming graduation party. We were going 55 in a 35. The cop says to my mom "if you can give me an excuse I've never heard before I'll let you go"
My mom sighs and says "I dont have one, I was just asking her(me) if she thinks we have enough soda for her graduation party" The cop looks in my moms back seat to see 15(i think) cubes of soda and exclaims "holy soda! Ok that's one I've never heard... you're free to go."
"Pulled over a lady speeding..."
Pulled over a lady speeding in a school zone during the time when busses and kids were arriving in the morning. The first thing she said to me was: "Do you know how hard it is to drive with no hands?"
"He mostly had horrific stories..."
My ex husband was a Sgt on the local police force. He mostly had horrific stories, but once he pulled over a woman and she just had this look of desperation about her. She said she had to go to the bathroom but he was like, "yeah don't we all". Well while he was back in his car, running her through ncic and whatnot, he saw her jump out of her van, run around to the big door, and jump inside. He got out to check what was going on and caught her pooping into a box in her van. She had irritable bowel syndrome, or something similar. She got away without even a warning.
I used to ride with him a lot and once he pulled over a young man who was not driving straight. Of course he thought the kid was drunk but it turns out he had a lazy eye and had not yet mastered driving a straight line when his eyeball wandered.
"When I was a Texas State Trooper..."
When I was a Texas State Trooper had this little story happen to me. Stopped a car, don't remember exactly why, probably for speeding in the middle of the night probably 10 miles from town. As I was approaching the car a truck driving by blew a tire. Now I know a tire doesn't sound exactly like a gun shot but its close and loud. On instinct I draw my sidearm and take cover behind the rear of the vehicle. About the time I get into cover what I really heard clicked, felt dumb holstered my sidearm and approached the vehicle. Talked with the driver, he told me that when the tire blew he thought I shot at him too for just a split second. We decided to go our separate ways with our funny story.
"I was pulled over..."
I was pulled over by a state trooper. I told the cop about the 10% rule, where drivers are allowed a 10% buffer over the posted speed limit because of possible technical errors in the speedometer. I was let off with a warning.
"Driver asked why..."
Giphy
Friend of the family is a cop and had this story (not sure if it is true or not, but still pretty funny)
4 cars all going the same speed (well over the speed limit) in the passing lane. Cop pulls one of them over and gives him a ticket for speeding.
Driver asked why he didn't pull the other 3 cars over and cop asked him if he likes to fish?
Driver said "Yeah"
Cop responded "ever catch ALL the fish?"
Driver just said "Fair enough" took the ticket and went on his way.
"It was late..."
It was late, around midnight and I was getting off of work. No one was on the highway, so I decided to gun it.
Got pulled over doing "well over 105mph". He asked what was the rush and I told him I was on my period and just wanted to get home and cleaned.
He let me off without a written warning. That's like a $400 ticket.
"A social worker I knew..."
A social worker I knew told me about how she was late to testify against an abusive father. Gets pulled over, tells the cop that if she misses court, the abusive dad walks. Got a police escort the rest of the way.
"And she did."
"I gotta pee! I gotta pee! I gotta peeeeeeeeeeee!" And she did. She was so distraught, I felt bad. But hey she got a pass for doing 80 in a 25.
"I'm a French cop..."
I'm a French cop, I caught a Belgian once who said she was going too fast because of our nice roads. She said in Belgium she drives slowly as there are holes in the concrete.
"Not an officer anymore..."
Not an officer anymore (changed careers to IT because I'm a huge nerd), but I once let a guy go for speeding 53MPH in a 35MPH zone because he had a S.T.A.R.S. emblem on the back windshield. I think I said something to the effect of "I can't, in good conscience, write a ticket to a fellow Resident Evil fan." and sent him on his way.
The look on his face was priceless.
"I got pulled over..."
I got pulled over for speeding on the way to my own wedding. I know that I must have looked and sounded pretty frantic, because when I explained, he just said "Go! Go! Just try to slow down!"
"I once rolled a stop sign..."
I once rolled a stop sign right in front of a police station. Halfway through the intersection my brain caught up with me and realized what I'd done. Of course a cop was there and I saw the lights go on.
Pull over and just say, no excuse officer, just got out of a basketball game and I didn't see the stop sign. Sorry.
She let me off with a warning, I had resigned that I was going to get a ticket but sometimes the truth works.
"My friend and I..."
My friend and I were coming back from a concert and we got stopped just before the highway. Cop said my friend was doing 53 in a 35. Then he mentioned the "my son is in the navy" sticker my friend had(he was driving his mom's car). He proceeded to rant about how our president doesn't care about the military. We didn't get a ticket.