The job of a police officer can be dangerous.
It can also be really entertaining (or annoying, take your pick) and you quickly become accustomed to all kinds of excuses you may hear from members of the general public when they're caught doing something they shouldn't be doing.
Redditor cub_trent asked today's burning question: "Cops of Reddit, what is some of the weirdest/best excuses you've gotten from people you pulled over for speeding?"
Here are some stories from cops and members of their communities. People are really... creative. We'll leave it at that.
"My dad was a cop."
My dad was a cop. He told me how he pulled over an old man for speeding and the gramp was yelling "you pulled me over because you KNOW I have biscuits in the oven at home and they are BURNING now because of you!"
"She jumped out of her car..."
My dad, who is now retired, pulled over a young woman for speeding and he said as soon as he got up to her window, she said "F*ck, I am so sorry!" She jumped out of her car and booked it to the side of the road while pulling down her pants and sh!t just exploded out of her. My dad then proceeded to nope the f--- out without even giving her a verbal warning. I used his story in a college essay about how to avoid getting tickets. Thanks for the 4.0, dad.
"I was a cop for several years..."
I was a cop for several years in a rough city and eventually grew to dislike it.
The weirdest excuse for a excessive speed violation on a traffic stop was given by a younger, blonde, attractive female, in a convertible, who said in reply to the "Why are you going 55mph in a 20mph school zone?" question was "My belt pinched me." At this point she grabbed her tiny belt buckle at the top of an ultra short mini-skirt and brought her knees up to each side of the steering wheel. I got the view she intended on me getting.
I was in my early 20's and for some reason I didn't have the response you would think a guy my age would. It somewhat felt insulting. I returned to my car, wrote her a ticket (as I would have anyone for that much over the limit), and then wrote her actions on the back of the ticket for the judge to review. Once she realized she was getting a ticket her entire demeanor changed. She instantly became irate, snatched the ticket out of my hand, slung my pen back, and drove away once released. That reaffirmed I made the right decision in writing the ticket.
"The officer who had been at the game..."
Just finished officiating a small town high school basketball game. It was a rivalry game that while the outcome was never in question got pretty heated between the two teams. Home team won but the home coach also received a technical late in the game. On the way out of town with my co official I got up to highway speeds prior to the city limit sign which was way out of the town surrounded by fields.
The officer who had been at the game looks at us and say "Y'all were the refs at the game tonight. I can understand why you would be in a hurry to get out of this town tonight." Then just walked back to his car. Not even a written warning.
"Officer!"
"officer! I'm driving my wife to hospital, she's in labor!"
-" sir, you're alone in the car..."
"sh*t."
"I don't work much speed enforcement..."
Giphy
I don't work much speed enforcement but here are a couple off the top of my head.
I stopped a lady who said she was going to church and really needed to use the restroom, and insinuating that she had diarrhea. I checked the address on her license and realized she had just driven out of her neighborhood.
I stopped another lady for doing 20+ over in a near blizzard. She told me she was driving back to town from the nearest big city (4 hours away) with a carload of kosher food for the upcoming Jewish holiday and she needed to get it back before it spoiled.
Most people don't have very good excuses and try to gross me out by saying they have to poop or have lady issues. I'm not easily deterred.
"My mom got stopped once coming home from the grocery store."
My mom got stopped once coming home from the grocery store. We were buying food and drink for my upcoming graduation party. We were going 55 in a 35. The cop says to my mom "if you can give me an excuse I've never heard before I'll let you go"
My mom sighs and says "I dont have one, I was just asking her(me) if she thinks we have enough soda for her graduation party" The cop looks in my moms back seat to see 15(i think) cubes of soda and exclaims "holy soda! Ok that's one I've never heard... you're free to go."
"Pulled over a lady speeding..."
Pulled over a lady speeding in a school zone during the time when busses and kids were arriving in the morning. The first thing she said to me was: "Do you know how hard it is to drive with no hands?"
"He mostly had horrific stories..."
My ex husband was a Sgt on the local police force. He mostly had horrific stories, but once he pulled over a woman and she just had this look of desperation about her. She said she had to go to the bathroom but he was like, "yeah don't we all". Well while he was back in his car, running her through ncic and whatnot, he saw her jump out of her van, run around to the big door, and jump inside. He got out to check what was going on and caught her pooping into a box in her van. She had irritable bowel syndrome, or something similar. She got away without even a warning.
I used to ride with him a lot and once he pulled over a young man who was not driving straight. Of course he thought the kid was drunk but it turns out he had a lazy eye and had not yet mastered driving a straight line when his eyeball wandered.
"When I was a Texas State Trooper..."
When I was a Texas State Trooper had this little story happen to me. Stopped a car, don't remember exactly why, probably for speeding in the middle of the night probably 10 miles from town. As I was approaching the car a truck driving by blew a tire. Now I know a tire doesn't sound exactly like a gun shot but its close and loud. On instinct I draw my sidearm and take cover behind the rear of the vehicle. About the time I get into cover what I really heard clicked, felt dumb holstered my sidearm and approached the vehicle. Talked with the driver, he told me that when the tire blew he thought I shot at him too for just a split second. We decided to go our separate ways with our funny story.
"I was pulled over..."
I was pulled over by a state trooper. I told the cop about the 10% rule, where drivers are allowed a 10% buffer over the posted speed limit because of possible technical errors in the speedometer. I was let off with a warning.
"Driver asked why..."
Giphy
Friend of the family is a cop and had this story (not sure if it is true or not, but still pretty funny)
4 cars all going the same speed (well over the speed limit) in the passing lane. Cop pulls one of them over and gives him a ticket for speeding.
Driver asked why he didn't pull the other 3 cars over and cop asked him if he likes to fish?
Driver said "Yeah"
Cop responded "ever catch ALL the fish?"
Driver just said "Fair enough" took the ticket and went on his way.
"It was late..."
It was late, around midnight and I was getting off of work. No one was on the highway, so I decided to gun it.
Got pulled over doing "well over 105mph". He asked what was the rush and I told him I was on my period and just wanted to get home and cleaned.
He let me off without a written warning. That's like a $400 ticket.
"A social worker I knew..."
A social worker I knew told me about how she was late to testify against an abusive father. Gets pulled over, tells the cop that if she misses court, the abusive dad walks. Got a police escort the rest of the way.
"And she did."
"I gotta pee! I gotta pee! I gotta peeeeeeeeeeee!" And she did. She was so distraught, I felt bad. But hey she got a pass for doing 80 in a 25.
"I'm a French cop..."
I'm a French cop, I caught a Belgian once who said she was going too fast because of our nice roads. She said in Belgium she drives slowly as there are holes in the concrete.
"Not an officer anymore..."
Not an officer anymore (changed careers to IT because I'm a huge nerd), but I once let a guy go for speeding 53MPH in a 35MPH zone because he had a S.T.A.R.S. emblem on the back windshield. I think I said something to the effect of "I can't, in good conscience, write a ticket to a fellow Resident Evil fan." and sent him on his way.
The look on his face was priceless.
"I got pulled over..."
I got pulled over for speeding on the way to my own wedding. I know that I must have looked and sounded pretty frantic, because when I explained, he just said "Go! Go! Just try to slow down!"
"I once rolled a stop sign..."
I once rolled a stop sign right in front of a police station. Halfway through the intersection my brain caught up with me and realized what I'd done. Of course a cop was there and I saw the lights go on.
Pull over and just say, no excuse officer, just got out of a basketball game and I didn't see the stop sign. Sorry.
She let me off with a warning, I had resigned that I was going to get a ticket but sometimes the truth works.
"My friend and I..."
My friend and I were coming back from a concert and we got stopped just before the highway. Cop said my friend was doing 53 in a 35. Then he mentioned the "my son is in the navy" sticker my friend had(he was driving his mom's car). He proceeded to rant about how our president doesn't care about the military. We didn't get a ticket.
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
MisterSnowman69 asked: What was a moment in your life that felt like a horror movie scene?
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.
the simpsons react GIFGiphyMy friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
It was probably a red fox that was screaming.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
And now I have plans this weekend... Just need to find a couple of cardboard cutouts and to break into the local abandoned asylum.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyI was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.
car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.GiphyI am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...
Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphyItalian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Asian moms too! Not only that if you try to not eat, they make to go containers for you. Oh, sorry I have to leave, RUNS AT LEAST HAVE SOME FRUIT.
Phonies...
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
Sexy Times...
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
I think the first amendment helps with that one. There's been many a supreme-court case about whether porn is protected speech.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDS
GIF by MOODMANGiphyPeople screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
Fashion
Fashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphyIf a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
Distractions
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My Morality
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
Placing Blame
Victim mentality.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.
Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016GiphyPoliticians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
At this points most people running for a position in the government are only in it for the benefits of being a politician and the amount of money they can embezzle. Well in my country at least.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.