911 is not a joke people! Calling in the police is something you must be sure about. Once those in blue are involved, the game changes. However, it can be surprising how small incidents can turn into mayhem and tragedy. Life can flip in an instant, so just be competent as a person.
Redditor u/TurdNugget6952 wanted law enforcement to speak up about the consequences when dialing 911 without purpose by asking.... Police of reddit, what dumb call turned serious very quickly?
The Hulk Vehicle....Giphy
When I graduated high school, I got hired by my pd as a community service officer (CSO). We handled minor calls, transported prisoners and served arrest warrants.
One day I was dispatched to go investigate a hulk vehicle. A hulk vehicle for those who don't know is a vehicle that has been abandoned on someones property and the property owner, who doesn't have the title, wants it gone. Law enforcement can come out and issue what is known as a hulk vehicle permit which allows the property owner to have the vehicle towed. So I get on scene of this large, wooded property (i'm guessing a couple hundred acres). The property owner is a management company and they want to build houses on the property and they discovered several hulk vehicles during their site visit.
So I go about walking through the woods and investigating the vehicles as I came to them. They had been abandoned for at least 20 years so it wasn't much of an issue. I finally reach the last vehicle which was pretty far into the wood and as I'm checking it I realized there was an active meth lab operation next to me. I couldn't see anyone around and I backed out the same way I came in fearing booby traps. Got back to my car and called for immediate back up. Officers surrounded the scene and SWAT got called out to clear the woods. The found 4 suspects hiding, all were armed and they discovered a pipe bomb booby trap less than 50 feet from the car I was inspecting. Had I gone out a different way or approached the lab I would have been killed.
Fortunately I listened to my gut and didn't touch anything and went out the same way I came in. techguru69
Not a cop, but the son of one. Lots of stories i could tell, but one has always stood out in particular. Police were called one night due to noise complaint at someones house. When police arrive, it's discovered that there is meth and the person in the house (we'll call him Jerry) is on it like no tomorrow.
More cops eventually show up and none of them can keep Jerry down. They try using a taser, but it's ineffective on it's own. As taser is getting a new battery, eight cops tackle Jerry all at once and are still struggling to keep him down. Dude with taser then shoves taser against Jerry's testicles and says "Put your hands behind your back or your testicles are getting electrocuted." Jerry then magically complies with police officers. Destroyerpete95
Back to the 80s....
Not me, but my dad who was a cop and is still a firefighter had one that I still laugh at. He was working a shift on the police department back in the early to mid 80s and got a call late one night for smoke showing from a residence. His assistant chief shows up first, I should preface by saying he was a fat and lazy fool and didn't properly check and radioed dispatch that there wasn't smoke showing and to disregard the fire department.
My dad shows up and his AC tells him that it was a false alarm and my said he was going to check anyway. He said he smelled smoke as he got out of his cruiser and said he was going to check for himself.
He opens the backyard fence and down the small hill to the back. As he walked to the back of the house he saw smoke pouring out of the soffits and saw flames in the back windows. He radios dispatch to have the fire department remain in route, and that smoke and flames visible and then asks for mutual aid from a neighboring department.
Fire department shows up and was able to knock down the fire before it got too out of hand besides some serious smoke damage, but the house was eventually refinished and still stands to this day. fightinscot
Drunk driving turned into man slaughter when he drove onto a side walk with OUTDOOR DINING. Wolf-man-420
He didn't make it.
Not a cop, I'm a nurse but I was a vet tech at this time. I went to our main clinic for a meeting which was next to a liquor store. Watched a guy get out of his car, staggering all over the place, we just thought he was just another drunk getting more juice. Then he collapsed on the ground. My coworkers ran over to him and immediately started CPR. Turned out he had been sober for a year but had felt bad all day, he decided he had enough of feeling bad and was going to get a drink. Turned out he felt bad because he had had a heart attack and was in heart failure. He didn't make it. babyrn1
Frozen in Spot.
Not an officer, but witness to a accident which turned into a drug and gun bust.
Back when I was 18 I got into a bit of a blackjack habit at the local casino (Canada so only need to be 18). I walked out of there one night around 2:00 am, and was having a smoke outside my truck when I see this semi-old man walk across the street to the parking lot. He wasn't on the crosswalk, but like 20 meters or so from intersection. A vehicle came straight through the intersection (not speeding, driving perfectly normal) and this guy just froze like a deer in headlights. I imagine he was thinking that the car would swerve and avoid him. It was late at night so no one else was on the road, but with all the snow on the ground you simply cant break and steer the vehicle. It just locks up, and slides while turning sideways.
The car hit the man, but relatively minor impact for a car hitting you. The side of the car hit the guy and the snow kind of helped soften the impact to the ground. I immediately called 911, the driver got out and started helping the man. After I run over, he says he needs to go call someone and goes to his car. No biggie, the man is shaken but no major injuries and I thought the driver was just really shook up from hitting someone. Police and ambulance get there a couple minutes later, tend to the man and the driver and I both give statements to different officers. I painted the guy in a good light, said he wasn't speeding and tried to break but the snow and ice made him slide. I'm waiting to be told that I'm good to go when an officer finds a fucking gun in a snow covered planter.
The idiot driver took it out of his car, went and dropped it in a planter on the sidewalk and walked back over to his car on the road. Smart idea, but there's only one set of tracks that go from his car to this planter and then back, and an obvious hole in the fresh snow that's been piling up. He's arrested and they search the car. So yeah, he gets put in cuffs and into the cruiser. They search the car and I found out later they also convicted him for drug possession.
Little did the cops know I also had a quarter ounce of weed in my truck. Syrinx16
arrest them all....
Not a police officer, but have a story:
Once my dad was dating this woman who had a teenage son. The kid did not like my dad at all.
One day, dad and his girlfriend got into a fight and my dad slept in the garage. He woke up to her son and two of his friends holding baseball bats around him. The kids beat up my dad and ran off.
My dad called the police to report the incident, but when the cops realized who my dad was, they arrested my dad on the spot for not paying child support to my mom.
TL;DR, my dad called the cops on his girlfriend's son, ended up getting arrested. shaingel_sle
From the ELEVENTH floor.
Not a cop but I guarantee the ones involved remember this one. They were originally there to arrest a guy selling drugs on campus. They passed me in the stairwell (on their way up) while I was going to borrow some notes from a classmate. A few minutes go by and I'm back in the stairwell and get passed by the same cops (on their way down and moving quick). Turns out they handcuffed the guy, sat him down, did God only knows what, while homeboy Superman out the window head first. From the ELEVENTH floor. So that was an interesting day. He lived and he's somehow not a vegetable. LilJamiLouWho
Don't be unruly at McDs!
Not a cop... but as a McDs worker, we called 911 on a group of teens who came in drunk and unruly. We called because one of them was a little more drunk and tipsy and sat down, put his head down and passed out. His friends thought is was hilarious. Cops showed up with a smirk at first figuring it was just retarded teens. When they poured a little cold water on mr passed out and he did not flinch, they stopped smiling. When they looked at his medic alert bracelet they got REAL serious. Paramedics came and worked in the kid. He survived but nearly died. He was diabetic, and suffering alcohol poisoning, his blood sugar was WAY off. Cops said he would have died if we dod not call them. Seeing the cops go from smirks to serious like that was scary. Gouranga56
Not me but my dad. Also wasn't a police officer at the time, but a constable. He was going to a guys house to serve him a summons, as is usual and routine. He got there and went up to the house and the guy answered. As he was talking to him and serving him the summons, the guy pulled out a gun. My dad pulled out his and told him to drop the gun. Instead, the guy then turned the gun on himself and pulled the trigger, blowing his own brains out. My dad was a cop before this though so it wasn't the first time seeing something like this. nilgoc
Deputy friend of mine ended up getting hospitalized after responding to a call of a home intruder.
There wasn't a home intruder, but there was a very large, aggressive turkey that bit him in the butt hard enough he needed stitches. slice_of_pi
Sheriff Deputy here.
Sheriff Deputy here.
During patrol I started noticing at one house that their packages being delivered at their front door weren't being taken inside. A lot of these packages were groceries. I also noticed their mail wasn't being brought in. Usually the postal service mentions something when they see this but I brought it upon myself to do a welfare check.
I arrived at the door and knocked. No answer. I knocked a few more times, no answer. I started thinking maybe the person that lives there maybe gone for a while. I decided to take one peek through the front window and I saw an elderly woman laying on the ground.
I announced to dispatch what I saw and I'm entering the house immediately. Luckily I didn't have to kick the front door down and instead discovered the back door was unlocked.
I entered the house and the lady was alive but due to her older age, she wasn't able to stand back up on her own strength after falling and has been laying on the ground for 2 days. I got paramedics to arrive and take her to a nearby hospital. I found her phone book with personal numbers in her kitchen and called her adult children and notified them of what happened. They were very relieved and drove to the hospital to help care for her. FrankTheTank369
Got a call of some lady refused to get out of the bathroom. It's around 2AM and the cleaning crew of a restaurant let her inside, but she didn't want to leave. It's raining and cold outside, I think it was January. We get there and another set of officers from a nearby precinct respond because it's boring when it's cold and raining.
The lady comes out dressed in simple pajamas, no shoes or socks, holding an infant wrapped in a baby blanket. No jacket. No coat. No warm anything. Just button-down pajamas and her tiny infant. All of us are like/holdup. They aren't dressed for this weather at all. The mom looks pretty normal, as in she's not a transient. We learn later she's a brain surgeon and lives in a very swank condo. Turns out she walked 6-8 blocks down the street in the rain dressed like this.
Then the mother displays behavior attributed to mental health disorders. Starts screaming "They" are trying to kill her, gets incredibly manic. Hunches down and her eyes go wild. But, she's holding that baby tight. We know she needs to go to a psych hospital, but we have to get the baby away first. We plead we want to help her, just let us hold the baby. She won't of course, because in her mind we're all trying to kill her.
At one point she whispers (kind of spooky), "Give me a gun and I'll do it myself." We swarm her. Two for the baby and two on her and she's screaming bloody murder. It was unnerving to say the least.
My partner and I took the call (report). We get a hold of dad and take the baby back to him. He didn't realize she had left. He's a doctor too. He mentioned she didn't want to take her psych meds anymore and hadn't taken them in about a week.
Lesson learned: If you need psych meds, please TAKE your meds! Don't ever think you're all better without them.
We took the mother to a psych hospital for a 72-hour eval. Hope she got back on her feet, but we don't know. No_Im_Random_Coffee
It was a Saturday night and I had a call for an erratic vehicle (unable to stay in lane, speeding, etc.) Everyone assumed it was a routine dwi because it was Saturday night and started looking.
Well she passed me on a main road so I turned around and conducted a traffic stop. She stopped her car in a terrible place so I approached on the passenger side. She was very angry and disrespectful and she wouldn't turn to look at me, just looked forward. I could smell alcohol, wasn't sure if it was coming from her or the vehicle. I asked for her license and registration to run her information. I decided I was going to talk to her more on the driver side to see if I could find signs of impairment.
When I walked over to her side I saw the entire left side of her face was bruised and blood was coming out of her mouth, also a bruise on her neck in the shape of a hand and fingers. I had her step out to ask about it.
She informed me her boyfriend got drunk and thought she was cheating on him and decided to hold her down by the neck and punch her approx 10 times. She had major swelling and the blood was a cut from her cheek against her teeth.
It took 25 min to convince her to give me his information. She told me he lives in a neighboring state and the incident occurred there. I called the neighboring state police and informed them.
Found out the guy had 3 felony warrants and they have been looking for him. SpikeFury47
He wasn't quick enough one time.Giphy
It was dumb and routine BEFORE we got there....
It was a local, well-known, drunken criminal (jack of all trades) who was playing with fireworks.
Not an uncommon thing.
However, he was in his living room. And they were very powerful and illegal. He was entertaining himself by lighting the wick and putting it out.
He wasn't quick enough one time. The mortar went through his roof. Blasted the storm door off the hinges into the front yard. His torso lacerated. Intestines needed to be pushed back in and sewn up.
About a year later (almost to the day) he got in a fight with his girlfriend on the interstate highway. At some point they pulled over, he got out, doors were locked, so he climbed on the hood. She started driving and he fell off. Wasn't even in very bad shape. He was shirtless, of course, and I saw the surgery scars from the year prior. UFC_blackbelt
I got the opposite response here.....
I got the opposite response here. Got a call that a woman was giving birth so me and a rookie head on over to the address. Rookie was super excited to get to help with this since he hadn't gotten the opportunity yet. So we pull up and his face drops. It's a 50 year old meth-ed up woman rolling and screaming in her grass saying that she's giving birth to a dog. Anyways, I tell my partner to heck on outta here and go help the woman deliver that dog. That call went from serious to pretty dumb very quickly. Fokouttahere
Where's My Sword?
Dude broke into house, pretty standard burglary. Dude takes the home owner's katana and is playing with it as the guy returns home. The guy doesn't leave or call the police and proceeds to fight the guy who has his sword in a brawl. No one died but the burglar got a number done to him so he wasn't very good at sword skills ig. OriginSport
North Carolina Tales....
There was this house she and her partner had to visit frequently for domestic disputes between a grown son and his wheelchair-bound father. It was never that bad, mostly just yelling and the neighbors would call the police to check on them. No charges were ever pressed, so they'd usually just check in and be on their way.
They got another one of those calls one day thinking it'd be the same as usual, this time the son is waiting outside for them. The partner is still questioning the son, and thinking the old man wasn't gonna be a threat she goes inside to deal with him on her own. She announced herself and approached him to talk, he doesn't say anything but suddenly grabs for her gun. She pinned the gun and his hands to her side and tried punching him, pepper-spraying, anything she could think of to get him to let go. Eventually her partner heard her screaming and ran in to disarm him, and he was taken away. He later admitted he was gonna shoot her and then his son, and she was pretty shaken up after that. AllyMarie93
I had a call on 911 from this guy who was very meandering and then it got really real.
"Hi, so like...I'm calling because there's this caaarrrr... I think it's a Taurus? Ford Taurus, I guess? Anyway, it's got one headlight on...I guess the other one's burnt out. And it's just...it's just running, with that one headlight on. Annnnnd it's in this parking lot for a commuuuunity center, y'know, but it's...it's...I think it's closed? So I guess it's like, what's this car, doing in this parking lot, right? Just one car in the parking lot...and it's on, and like, one headlight....oh yeah, and there'stwoguysinsideslumpedoverandthey'renotmoving"
Turned out they were overdosing pretty hard. lazarus870
The police and I were called to a public intoxication. No idea why medics were called but anyway...
The guy was hammered and had been stranded by his drinking buddies because he didn't want to get into the car (good for him). He was on the phone when I got there and he handed it to me and said "I can't talk to her", so I took the phone from him and hung it up and handed it back. Turns out he wanted me to talk to her for him (whoops)...
He went ballistic and threw a punch at me, and as he was punching the cop put a boot in his back (great reaction time, still don't know how he did it).
The guy ended up smashing his face on the road and suffered a concussion plus some other stuff. This was years ago and I still remember because I felt so guilty at the time. MapleDanish
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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