Officer, I swear it wasn't me! It was... the cat!
Thanks to the awesome folks on Reddit who contributed to this post.
1/22. I was with the officer when this happened.
Some kids were shooting bottle rockets, no big deal, but they were in an area where there had been some burglaries, so we checked it out.
There were three of them when we pulled up, maybe 14 years old. Here's the thing though, they were pretty well cornered. On one side was a pond where we could easily catch them, on another side was a huge fence with barbed wire, and finally there was one side with an unclimbable embankment that lead to some rail road tracks. Like I said, we had them cornered.
Two of them take off for the embankment and hide in the trees/grass, while one runs towards the fence.
Well the two that ran for the embankment were pretty well hidden, but Mr. Solo realized the fence had barbed wire, panicked, and decided to lay flat on his belly in ankle high grass hoping we couldn't see him.
We walked up and asked him to get to his feet. Nothing. We repeated the directions. Do you know what he did?
He rolled over, faked the biggest yawn he could muster and started stretching this way and that. Then he asked "Sorry, what? I was just sleeping."
The whole scene was too funny, so the officer and I start hysterically laughing, tell the kid he's not in trouble, and remind him not to run from the police.
This kid really thought he could pretend he just woke up from a nap, after we had just watched him sprint across the field and lay down. Good times.
2/22. Caught a woman stealing, she said it was her twin.
"What's your twin's name?" I asked.
I looked at her ID.
"That's your name," I said.
3/22. A couple said they were camping.
No camping gear. 1 piece of luggage with their clothes. Completely clean vehicle interior. Didn't know the name of their campsite. Mexican license plates... that did not belong to the vehicle they were driving. I opened their vehicle and what did I find?
(Continue reading on the next page...)
I opened their vehicle and what did I find? 300 lbs of weed in the panels of the vehicle.
4/22. I'm Air Force Security Forces (Air Force MP).
One day I got dispatched to a call about a guy stealing little bottles of wine from the class six store (the store that sells alcohol, guns, car parts, tools, sporting goods, that kind of stuff). Well I get there, handcuff the guy, get statements from the manager and cashier, and then search the guy before I put him in my car to go back to the squadron. Well while searching him, I found a total of 30 mini bottles on him. 30. I know our uniforms have a lot of pockets, but damn. Anyways, the entire time he's claiming that he didn't do anything wrong, he wasn't stealing them, blah blah blah. The he said it. "I swear to God sir, those were water when I put them in there, Jesus must've turned them into wine"
5/22. In interview with a woman for shop lifting (we have CCTV of her shoplifting then walking out, she was wearing the same clothes as she was in the CCTV)
"I didn't go in"
We have CCTV showing you going in and stealing.
"No you don't"
It's here 'goes to click play'
"No don't click play I don't wanna watch it, it's not me go away"
So what did you do?
"I went in to try on some makeup"
You just said you didn't go in?
6/22. Was watching cops one time, buddy told the cop he thought the bag of blow in his pocket was sugar and he found it on the ground and ya know, you're not just gonna leave a bag of free sugar on the ground.
(Continue reading on the next page...)
7/22. Of course there is the classic "these aren't my pants" when there is dope in the pockets.
I also revived a heroin overdose who woke up and commenced trying to convince me he was shooting insulin. In to his arm. After cooking it on a spoon I guess?
8/22. Paramedic here. A guy overdoses while speedballing, girlfriend calls 911. Engine company narcans him before I got there, reverses the heroin but now he's in full blown coke mania. During the course of a healthy and productive debate about his transport to the hospital, he swears up and down that he didn't do heroin (track marks, needles, history, empty slabs in the room.)
Once we got him in the truck, he tells me that he totally didn't do heroin, but he suddenly remembered what happened.
"I was playing a game with with girlfriend where we have sex, and I pretend to be unconscious and overdosed."
9/22. "That's not marijuana sir, I was just getting some chives from the neighbor so my girlfriend could make soup"
10/22. A guy I caught masturbating in a park. His excuse was "I needed to check it was still working"
11/22. Stop a car for a traffic violation. Male driver. Female passenger. Ask for both of their IDs because neither have a seatbelt on. Driver says he doesnt have a DL but gives me a name. I ask him who the female is sitting next to him and he says her name is Danielle and shes his wife. Ask her to spell her full name and she tries to tell me her first name is Sarah. Ask the guy for vehicle registration and he says it's not his car. Ask who the car belongs to and he just says "Gary".
(Continued on the next page...)
I ask for Garys last name and he doesnt know it. Ask where Gary is and he tells me Gary is in Long Beach. Long Beach, CA? Yeah. We're 2000 miles away from Long Beach. Guy tells me Gary is letting him test drive it because he might buy it.
They both had felony warrants and a few pounds of meth was in a fake keg of Heineken in the back seat.
12/22. Not a cop but anyways. My friends and I got busted for something in a very Catholic country by a very Catholic cop. Before getting carted off we are being given a bit of rough housing and threats in our hotel room. We are all in the room together and I made the sign of the cross to testify that I wasn't lying. The cop takes a step back asks me if I'm Catholic and I say yes (I'm not). Things start getting a bit of easier for me apart from a light "you should be a better Catholic boy" speech. The cop turns to my friend and asks him the same question.
My friend hasn't picked up on much of what just went on and says "Protestant" (he kinda is). Things got a lot worse for him very fast! Suddenly he's the only one that's committed any crime and is suddenly "stupid" as well. It's basically the worst thing you could have said at that moment.
13/22. Some guy had stolen a duck and was plucking its feathers out on the riverbank, cop goes up to him and asks what he's doing, guy tells him he's teaching his pet duck to swim and he's just minding it's clothes...
14/22. Summer of 1990.
We had just pulled into a nice dark corner of a subdivision that was under construction. The radio was quiet, and we had a ton of reports to catch up on, so we blacked out and took advantage of the quiet to get caught up.
After about 20 min, we get a call on the local channel from another car out on the interstate with a traffic call (speeding). They're like, "Uh, you guys gotta come over here and see this." We tell them nah, we're busy trying to knock out these reports. They come back again, "NO, you REALLY have to come out here and see this, REALLY!"
So we go ahead and head on over. We roll up on the stop, and there is a black '89 Probe, and two teens in handcuffs standing at the back of the car.
(Continued on the next page...)
We get out of the cruiser, and we then proceed to notice the 5 cell phones on the trunk (Remember, this is 1990...these were big honking things.) and two HUGE wads/rolls of cash.
Needless to say, our interest is VERY piqued.
The officer who had the stop, motions to the passenger side of the car, and says, "Take a look..". So we do, and find a white powdery substance all over the floorboard of the passenger side.
We're thinking, JACKPOT!
The whole time, the kids are saying, "It's Flour, It's flour!" and we're just chuckling and saying, "Yeah, suuure it is.."
We get some evidence baggies, bag up the phones and the money, and some of the substance, so that we can take it back to the station to test it.
As we get back to the station, the officer who had the stop originally, takes the kids into interrogation, while me and my partner head over to the area we kept the test kits. Now, they aren't much different nowdays, than they were back then, just bigger, and didn't have the range of things you could test for.
My partner takes some of the substance, drops it in the test kit, cracks the glass tubes.......and no reaction. We look at each other, and say at the same time, "Bad test." So he grabs another...same thing. We do one more test just to be safe, and again, no reaction. At this time we head on over to interrogation, to let the officer on the stop know that it's not drugs, and as we walk into the room, the teens are telling their story.
Well, what they were doing was basically selling baking soda and flour to crackheads over on the other side of the river (really bad area). We're all standing there with our eyes about the size of dinner plates, from the stupidity of these two. How they didn't end up shot or murdered was a miracle.
So, for once, the cover story really was true, but as Paul Harvey would say, now you know the rest of the story...
15/22. I caught up to a car on a highway going well over the speed limit. The driver was also weaving through three lanes. After pulling him over, the vehicle came to a stop and began to shake back and forth.
(Continued on the next page...)
I approached the driver side cautiously and no one was sitting in the driver's seat. The driver, who was the only occupant of the vehicle, had moved across to the front passenger seat and argued that I didn't see him "driving" because he wasn't in the driver's seat. He went to jail that night for DWI.
16/22. My aunt works for the RCMP in Canada, she told me this story. Apparently many years ago some lady called 911 claiming some random person rang the doorbell, she opened the door. The person burst in and threw her relatively new born baby in their pool and ran away. She didn't know how to swim, so she couldn't dive in and get it.
But here's what actually happened...
What actually happened was, she made that all up and it was her who threw her own baby into the pool to drown and die! She did it because by the time the doctors had found out the baby would be a "special needs", it was too late for an abortion. She didn't want to be embarrassed by having a child like that....
The cops found this all out after tapping her phone for several years. She admitted it to some relative in her home country on a phone call 8 years after the incident.
17/22. My brother's roommate from college is a cop in Pittsburgh. They were just on patrol after a Wiz Khalifa concert and it was him and two other cops in their unmarked police car. He's in the passenger seat with another cop in the back just kind of monitoring the crowd to make sure no one gets out of hand. His partner driving the car gets out of it and it talking on the phone as someone jumps into the driver seat and tries to steal the cop car with two cops in it. He yells get out of the car, you're under arrest. She claimed she wasn't going to steal it but rather just drive the 2 or 3 blocks to her car because she didn't want to walk.
18/22. Ridealong here.
"Where ya headed?"
"To visit my son at college"
(Continue reading on the next page...)
"Uhhhh...I don't know"
Cut to popping the trunk and 160 pounds of weed falling onto the side of the interstate. That was a fun day.
19/22. Pulled over a woman for going 59 in a 45. She claimed her speedometer light was out and it was about 9:30 so it was pretty dark. Told her okay just get me you insurance and registration. She then turned on her lights to find it and the speedometer came on.
She cried when we pointed it out.
20/22. Not a police officer, but my boyfriend was a Marine. In Afghanistan one time they were conducting a clearing operation in a village and found a Taliban fighter under a pile of rugs clutching a detonator. They then discovered several IEDs set up outside the building in the intersection that were rigged to go off with the detonator.
The guy had evidently gotten scared and failed to set off the bombs. When they asked him what he was doing there he stated that he was just an innocent civilian that had fallen asleep under a pile of rugs and woke up with a detonator in his hand. Turned out to be a really strange guy. He ended up trying to bite my boyfriend after he took away his stash of hash during questioning.
21/22. When I found a bunch of young adults pool hopping they told me it was because they needed to test each swimming pool to make sure their neighborhood water source wasn't contaminated.
22/22. Growing up, my best friend's dad was a police officer. The favorite excuse he shared for a motorist who blew through a red light:
"But officer, the light was green when I closed my eyes".
He also told a story of his favorite retort to the common "you're just trying to fill your quota" which was to reply "yep, two more and I get a toaster". He would always smirk afterwards and finish with "yeah, that earned me a civilian complaint".
1. My uncle is a cop in town, and he would always tell the story of the time he pulled over this Fabio looking guy riding his Ducati without a helmet. When prompted as to why he wasn't wearing a helmet he responded, "I just took a shower officer I'm just drying my hair."
2. Called to the library for a loud drunken guy, was going to give him a ride somewhere to sober up:
"Is there anything in your pockets I need to know about?"
"I dunno, these ain't my pants..."
"...not ...your ...Pants?"
"Nope, pulled them out the lost and found and put them on cause I needed some pants."
"What happened to your pants?"
"I dunno! I woke up, my boys were gone, and I don't have any pants!"
pat him down "Well, whoever left these pants is going to be pissed they left their spice in the pocket!"
"Naw man, that's weed! I don't smoke that fake crap!"
Books are life. Recently studies have been published that reading for fun, reading for knowledge, just interest in reading in general is down, and that is a tragedy.
We've become too obsessed with our binge watching and ADHD mindset that we've lost focus on one of life's greatest joys... literature.
There are some stories and books that should be a mandatory read for life. There should be age benchmarks that require knowledge of certain books in order to progress. I know, how "1984" of me. ;)
Redditor u/bugtanks33d wanted to hear about what literature we should all be familiar with sooner than later by asking:
What's a book everyone should read at least once in their lives?
One of my favorite books is "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." It was a key element in unlocking what I could see with my imagination. No adolescent should go beyond sixth grade without knowing it. What else?
"ANNOUNCEMENT FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE READING THIS THREAD:"
"MANY OF THE BOOKS MENTIONED HERE ARE IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND IN AUDIO BOOK FORM. GO THROUGH YOUTUBE/RANDOMHOUSE/AUDIBLE/OVERDRIVE FOR ALL THE CLASSICAL GOODNESS YOU WANT."
"It almost totally eliminates the financial/time commitment that many will cite for not picking them up. I listen to books on double speed all the damn time. I am working my way through "A Tale of Two Cities" now."
Meaningwondering simon cowell GIF by X Factor GlobalGiphy
"Man's search for meaning - Viktor Frankl."
"The Phantom Tollbooth."
"Milo: "Many of the things I'm supposed to know seem so useless that I can't see the purpose of learning them at all."
"Princess of Sweet Rhyme: "...what you learn today, for no reason at all, will help you discover the wonderful secrets of tomorrow."
"Johnny's Got His Gun. It's so intense, but it's so good. Metallica's song One is based off this book. Guy has his arms and legs blown off, goes blind and deaf, and is left to live like that. I only read it once, but it's forever engrained into my memory. It hits you like a freight train."
"Surprised I haven't seen it here already so I'll add it... The Brother's Karamazov by Dostoyevsky. In Slaughterhouse 5 Vonnegut said it could teach everything that we needed to know about life, except that wasn't enough anymore."
"If the only thing that book did was make you marvel at how people centuries and oceans removed from you in time and place, could experience the exact same emotions about life as you did, it would be worth the read. There's so much more to it, but Dostoyevsky had such a knack for digging deep into universal human experience. And it's just a hell of a good story too."
Classicsdiva read GIFGiphy
"Speaking as somebody who isn't religious, the literary value of the Bible (and the Hebrew Bible) is severely underrated."
I took a class on it in college, with a prof who'd once allegedly gotten into a bar fight over Beowulf. We would sometimes spend half a class discussing a single verse or two because there's so much stuff going on under the hood."
I know so many of those. And sadly, I'm already behind in my studies. I love books and I'm always on the path to find more to consume. Let me ready my already lengthy list.
WARWar Shockwave GIFGiphy
"All Quiet on the Western Front. Everyone should have to reckon with the reality of what war actually means."
"Night, by Elie Wiezel. It is absolutely heartwrecking , and I hated every moment of reading it, which is exactly the effect it is supposed to have."
"Came here looking for this one. I had to read it back in high school and it blew me away how moved I was by it. Stories like his need to be remembered for all time, no matter how hard it is to get through (emotionally-speaking; it's actually quite an easy and short read). I'm so grateful that my English teacher assigned it."
"The Westing Game."
"A Librarian here, such a terrific book. I have gotten so many kids to read it by hooking them with the fact that the reader can play the game and has all of the clues. And good luck as it is fiendishly clever."
All the Good Crazy
"The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. Such a great book."
"Oh my god yes. I love this book for being the sex, drugs and rock and roll of the classics world. It is lengthy but has revenge, treasure, plots and schemes and drugs. There is nothing stuffy about this classic."
"The Giver- that book made my 9-10 year old mind really think about what was important in society. It was the first time the idea of "good" things having a negative consequence was presented to me. I think what makes it work is that we are learning how this whole society really works along side a character who has lived in it his whole life."
"As the facade of the utopian society begins to fall away to show devastating consequences of the "perfect life and society" the reader not only feels their shock but the main character's shock. This was a book I read in school 4 times- once in 5th grade and once in 10th for English and then in both high school and college sociology classes. This book written for 9-13 year olds made for great discussions."
Good and Bad of Liferead ford GIFGiphy
"The Grapes of Wrath and/or Of Mice and Men. Both are heartbreaking, but not for the sake of being heartbreaking - instead they provide a glimpse of how freaking hard life can be, but also how beautiful it can be."
That is a lot of good advice. And a lot of great storytelling and advice giving. Did anyone miss anything that should be there? And make sure you read anything by Harlan Coben, he's a fav.
It's always our high school dreams, as shown by every high school teen movie ever, to marry the popular girl or the jock. But high school is high school for a reason; life does not really last outside of the walls of high school in the way it did within.
Jocks tend to fall off their athletic bandwagons. The popular girls have a hell of a time making their way in the working world when their popularity means nothing. People's lives sometimes completely freeze in place.
Or sometimes those people really do completely change, and live their lives for the better.
Here were some of those answers.
"My mom was the elite Atlanta debutante and lived a very cushy life at a budding Miami country club. Beautiful and very popular at the private school. My dad grew up on a farm in Virginia. They weren't poor but they were definitely not refined."
"Eventually my father's family made it down to Miami after selling the farm. He became the lifeguard at the country club pool where my mom spent days lounging about."
"My parents say they saw each other and that was it. The scandal was great - the debutante and the lowly lifeguard...."
"They just celebrated 54 years of marriage. My 'lowly' lifeguard father made quite the life for my mom regardless of what all those elite twats said was going to happen."
"She gladly left the country club life for him and they are still so utterly in love it's crazy. He carries a photo of her at the pool where they met. The only references she makes to being 'that girl' are that they proved everyone wrong."
"They are beautiful and I love their story."-wadinglimpkin
Just Because He's Hot Don't Mean He Can't Be Smart Too
"Not me but my mom married my dad who who was hot sh*t. They met in college when he was an absolute hellion."
"But since then he became a doctor, still a really fun dude. He's also a licensed contractor so when he was bored he built a 6000 square foot barn in our backyard over 10 years completely on his own."
"Absolutely stand up dude."-GravityMyGuy
"I married the cool girl. Super athletic, everyone was her friend. We started dating in high school."
"She's kept up everything people loved about her. Nowadays she isn't as interested in other people, and focuses on herself, her career, us and our future."
"We're planning to buy a house and have kids soon. I'm the breadwinner today but I'm not so sure if that'll be true in a few years lol"-WakeAndVape
See, not all the cool kids go on to have horrible, boring lives after. Sometimes the cool kids were cool because they deserved it.
"As it turned out, I married one of the mean girls, didn't go to her school, didn't find out she was considered that until after the divorce. That's how it turned out."
"Then I dated one of the cool chicks. Did go to her school, did know she was considered that. And she was the most amazing human being I've ever known. That one didn't work out either."
"Now I'm just retired from relationships for a bit, strike 3 would kill me right now."
"This was very therapeutic. I have friends and family that are awesome. Hopefully, I'll have more Someday. For now it's me and my kids I'm focusing on."-read110
A Tale Of Strength (On The Outside)
"My mom was the cool girl all through high school, undergrad, grad school. But life didn't go that well. For most of her life, she had to be caring for someone in the family who was ill, and that took a huge toll on her."
"First it was her dad, then it was me (I had childhood illnesses), then her in-laws in quick succession, then her dad again, and finally she had to nurse my dad until he passed away from a terminal illness."
"She was meant to be social and have fun, and instead she was forced to be around sickness and sadness for her best years."
"But she is a very happy and mentally strong person in general who made the best of things. She hosted a lot of people and events."
"My house growing up was full of people visiting and having fun. She's very charming and easy to talk to, and has a lot of fans all the time."
"Though, my siblings and I find her social side rather annoying. She isn't like that with us, and she tells us her charming side is just an act, and the real her is the lady who is constantly critical of us 'for our own good.'"
"She likes having groupies hanging around, people who are happy to take her help and be grateful to her. She has very few friends who could be considered her equals."
"She also expects a lot from other people and is constantly disappointed. She wants to be the center of everything. She doesn't know to be a guest at anything, she somehow ends up running every event she's invited to."
"She sincerely believes she's helping, but it's just disrespectful sometimes and when we tell her that, she doesn't get it."
"She likes to dominate everything and make decisions for everyone. We joke that if the prime minister was her friend, she'd somehow end up running the country for him."-sensitiveinfomax
Sometimes, Chase The Waterfalls
"My mum was the nerdy girl who got all the As and had zero social skills, and somehow managed to start dating my dad who was the popular, good-looking guy who everyone thought would peak in high school."
"She was actually advised by her family and friends that he wouldn't give her the future she was hoping for. They got married at 19, had me when they were 20, and while they were pretty broke the first few years of my life, he paid for my mum to attend law school, started his own business and 25 years later with 3 kids, they're still so in love and have a pretty cushy life."
"My dad actually met one of the loud voices who told my mum she was making a big mistake marrying him, and she had said how she always knew he would turn out well, which he found hilarious."-samknowsbest8
"Found out recently (30 M) that my dad was extremely popular in highschool from my aunt. I had no idea he was an all-star football player with lots of college offers and was prom and homecoming king."
"Never talks about it, but he's doing well. 2 kids, a dog, and a loving wife, imo he's still winning."-ZoatDGoat
And what counts as successful in high school doesn't necessarily count toward success in later life.
What Kind Of Woman?
"My brother was one of the hottest guys in high school and went on to be a model. He's still cool and hot to many but now he's a bit fat."
"He's my brother so ewww on the hot part in my opinion. But women still swoon and he's so obnoxious. Think Matt Dillon, etc…. Era."
"He got dumped by his model 17 years younger wife for a 26 year old. He has impossible standards and it's making him miserable. He's into these flashy shallow women. Overall he's doing really well and his business is thriving."-RunRevolutionary9019
Always Take The Risk
"I sat next to the popular guy every day pretty much for five years and I was so afraid of speaking to him. I'd watched him and his friends picking each other up and shoving the chosen one into lockers, or chasing each other round into a pile on and throwing their shoes at each other. Typical school sh*t."
"They were rowdy and loud and intimidating, but he was the quiet yet seriously funny one and I crushed on him HARD for years. He remembers me as the little blonde girl who didn't speak to anyone (because I was so anxious all the time)."
"He also protected his sister from some a**holes every break time and she'd come to find him for safety from bullies."
"Should have spoken to him sooner when school finished, because we have the same music taste and we get on well enough now at 26 that we have a 6 month old daughter together, my daughter from a previous relationship and we just got engaged last weekend. I adore him, he's handsome, charming and funny and I would do anything for this man as he would for me."-hospital-flowers
High School Never Ends
"I married the Student Council President/ Prom King. He jokes that he peaked in high school. Graduated 20 years ago. He dropped out of three colleges and hasn't found a career path he is passionate about."
"He hates his job, but he's actually really good at it. He's kind of trapped in it because it would be incredibly difficult for him to find a new job without a degree."
"He's a good husband. He's an amazing father. He struggles with anxiety and some depression. A lot of self-doubt. He's incredibly social and the pandemic hit hard."
"He's put on weight and hates his body. He admits that he worries about what other people think of him and wants people to like him."
"He's introspective and wants to be a better person, but anxiety gets in the way sometimes. He married a theater nerd lol, but we didn't meet until college. I felt a little intimidated by his popular past, but he's very down-to-earth."-madestories
We really want our lives to fit neatly into these stereotypes, but at the end of the day, we are all just people repeating a cycle of wanting more for ourselves over and over again. We can't shove that into a stereotype.
Even the student council president, the prom king, the homecoming queen, and the jocks can't run away and hide in a single identity forever. Life makes you into a more rounded person whether you want to be one or not.
Movies' strong focus on creating drama through conflict inevitably has lead to countless on screen deaths.
Some of those movie deaths occur to minor characters we don't care much about (enter Wilhelm Scream). Nonetheless, they can still pack a punch if the manner of the death was gruesome or sad enough.
On the other side of the coin, a death doesn't have to be spectacular to create drama if it happens to a character we've grown to love throughout the film.
And sometimes, a beloved character faces a gruesome end. That's the double whammy.
Redditor Boston_Strong_CQB241 asked:
"Out of all the deaths you seen in movies, which one really stands out to you as the worst?"
Many Redditors recalled the deaths that drew their intensity from the connection they'd felt with the character who did the dying.
And, yes, sometimes the manner of death only heaped on the drama.
"The soldier in Saving Private Ryan that had the knife slowly plunged into his chest after a hand to hand fight and he was begging the other soldier to stop. Intense."
That Etched Wooden Beam
"The old man (Brooks) who hangs himself from The Shawshank Redemption."
" 'Get busy living or get busy dyin.' "
A Very Different Boxing Film
"Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby. Almost becoming World Champion, then paralyzed, her family only caring about the money she won from boxing, then having her limbs chopped off because of bed sores that got infected."
"All this just to be put down as a act of kindness like the story she foretold of her dog she grew up with. I will never watch that movie again."
Stoic Until She Wasn't
"Vesper Lynd drowning in 'Casino Royale.' That moment when she goes serene and calm, to a panicky and frenzied last gasp for air.... that really bothered me."
Others were spooked by the pure violence of some onscreen deaths. They could barely watch the gruesome moments when they erupted.
But now they can't forget them.
Slam, Slam, Slam
"That f**king wine bottle scene in Pan's Labyrinth. The casual brutality is so horribly realistic." -- Darth_Mufasa
"My jaw dropped the first time I saw it and it still haunts me. In fact, that movie gave me nightmares for two weeks" -- TheSilverCrystal
"The curb stomp." -- AUTheatreNerd
"American History X. The curb stomp. It haunts me." -- DigitFisher
"Ryan Reynolds getting his insides eaten out by an Alien in the horror movie Life. It still traumatized me."
And some people recalled the deaths they witnessed as children movie-watchers. All grown up now, they still can't unsee those old images.
"That shoe from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, it was so happy and friendly and then it gets slowly dipped to death. The smoke and its cries of pain are burned into my mind 25+ years later."
"Artax in the swamp of sorrows. Made me cry so much as kid, Atreyo was so hopeless." -- kirby60
"Don't you dare do this to me right now" -- OmgOgan
Multiple Movies' Worth of Sadness
"Stoick from How to Train Your Dragon 2, I still cry every time I even think about it, and the flashbacks in the third movie just break me, great trilogy. Full of emotion and great everything, best Dreamworks movies, in my opinion"
The worst part is that this is only a small handful of the tragic movie moments that are out there. And we have so many unknown future deaths we'll see too.
It might feel like a challenge to come back at someone who has just insulted you, but it's easier than you think.
What's the most memorable comeback you've heard in your life?
No one knows you like your family, hence why they're usually the one who know the best way to eviscerate you using only their words. Anyone with an older brother and/or sister knows what's going on with these comebacks.
She Can Stay
"My son and his newlywed wife were poor college students living out of state. When I went to visit them I took them to the grocery store and let them fill up a couple of grocery carts that I paid for. As we were leaving the store I said, "Now, when your kids are poor married college students trying to get by, don't forget this". My new daughter-in-law piped up and said, "Oh we won't forget. We're going to tell them to go get grandpa!" Haa haaa haaa...I love that gal."
Got That Sacred "Dad Laugh"
"I don't care if it's self-congratulatory, I'm proud of this one:
"Having dinner with my dad and older sister. I got straight As in school or something, and she's doing the older sibling thing."
"Sister: You may have gotten the book smarts in this family, but *I* got the street smarts."
"Me: The corner doesn't count."
"Dad: *chokes whiles laughing*"
Oh, Good Lord...
"My uncle to my husband. "When are you guys having a kid?"
"My husband. "Please don't ask me about my sex life with your niece"
Like, in public. Where people are. Other people. People you don't know, who might just be going about their day-to-day business, and they just so happen to hear someone being roasted alive?
What's Keeping You Alive, Grandpa?
"Was standing behind these two older adults and this teen girl at the gas station last year. She was on her phone and the guy snapped at her for "not knowing how to live without technology" and without looking up she went "don't you have a pacemaker?".
When The Store Hates You...
"Someone yelled out in a Walmart , "I'm not ashamed of who I am".
"Another voice echoed back, "that's your parents job"
You Would Really Walk Up To Someone You Don't Know And Say This?
"Young pregnant co-worker had a stranger stare disapproving at her in a restaurant, then walk up and say "pregnancy isn't very becoming on you." She replied, "well, being a nosey rude bi*ch isn't becoming on you, but here we are."
And then there's these clapbacks. Unplanned, zero preparation, and with little prior knowledge, there needs to be a call placed to some local medical center with how much damage was done with these comebacks.
If You Pantsed It, Fix It
"My friend got pantsed, underwear and all at a party. Instead of pulling his underwear and pants up, immediately, he just kept going about his business, while hanging dong. Those of us that knew him already thought it was hilarious. The people at the party that didn't know him, looked really uncomfortable due to this dude having his pants and underwear around his ankles, with his wiener hanging freely. Our friend/the host said "dude, why don't you pull your pants up?" Pantsed guy said "I didn't pull them down." Then took his turn in beer pong. The host then found the guy that did pull them down and made him pull our friend's pants back up."
Definitely Seems Like You Got Tricked Here
"When I was working as a bartender one Halloween, I came dressed as an old Western style bartender (complete with mustache and accent). We had the evening split up into a little costume party for kids and families in the earlier hours, and then an adults only costume piss up later on."
"One of the regulars laughed at my costume and said I looked stupid, so I told him"
"You should probably come back after the kids have gone because you've come dressed as a c-nt".
"He didn't talk to me for weeks after that. It was blissful."
That's A Mom Burn! Those Don't Heal!
"I asked my mum out of curiosity what she would do if she found a used condom in my brother's room."
"Her response: "I would remind him that you can't get HIV from your own hand"
"For context, I live in South Africa where HIV is very common"
If you have some ice nearby it might be a good idea to go and grab some.
These burns spread.