Police Officers Share The Dumbest Things People Have Said Around Them
[rebelmouse-image 18358734 is_animated_gif=We all break the law at least a little bit in life; a little speeding here, a little grand theft there. Most of the time we'd all get away with the tiny infractions if we'd use our brains first and just... SHUT UP!!! And not do the cops jobs for them. the tales some people weave (sober) are unreal.
Redditor _PinkIrrelephantreached out to the police to tell us their best tales of arrest. _
MAYBE HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE SODA?!
My father was a cop for many years and one of his favorite arrest stories was when he pulled someone over for simple traffic violation, I think he didn't do a full stop for a stop sign. When my father asked "do you know why I pulled you over?" The gentleman responded "yea yea it's because of all the drugs in the trunk." After my father read him his rights and was putting him in the back of his car, my dad asked "just out of curiosity, how did you know I knew you had drugs in the back". The man ushered to the radar detector in the front and said "I saw the drug detector on the dash and I knew you had me". My father still laughs about this one 20 years later.
DID I DO THAT?
[rebelmouse-image 18358735 is_animated_gif=Not a police officer, but I got pulled over I thought it was because of the illegal u-turn I had done and as the usual goes "do you know why I pulled you over?" I sheepishly responded "because I did an illegal u-turn". He kinda just stared for a moment and switched on my headlights and said "your headlights are off and stop doing illegal u-turns".
OLD HABITS DIE HARD.
[rebelmouse-image 18358737 is_animated_gif=I'm the idiot in this situation. Being apologetic by nature; when I got pulled over for rolling through a stop sign I said "I'm so sorry officer, I do it all the time".
BLOW HERE.
[rebelmouse-image 18358738 is_animated_gif=Pulled a guy over on suspicion of drink driving. We didn't have an ESD (breathalyzer) but he was so drunk he was adamant that my radio was a breathalyzer.
Anyway whilst we were waiting he started to get really agitated as he thought we were up to something. He was begging to "have a go" on the breathalyzer (radio), eventually I let him blow into the radio antenna, told him it was faulty and we had to wait for another.
Unsurprisingly he failed and got arrested. Not quite what you asked for but it still makes me chuckle.
A+ FOR HONOR AMONG THIEVES.
[rebelmouse-image 18358739 is_animated_gif=Man was beaten unconscious by three men. I caught one of them escaping on foot but he vigorously denied any knowledge of any incident.
Another officer had collared someone he thought might also be involved, but had little evidence other than the fact he was running away and couldn't really account for his presence.
The other prisoner was being taken to a cell just as I walked into custody with mine. My prisoner looked at him and immediately yelled "Matt, Matt! Matt has got nothing to do with this, you should let him go. He wasn't even there."
A+ for friend loyalty; C- for avoiding self-incrimination.
PEOPLE NEED A LICENSE FOR HAVING KIDS.
[rebelmouse-image 18979724 is_animated_gif=Once pulled a woman over for speeding, upon approaching the car I notice she has 4 young children in the car and that NONE of them are secured in their seats. Even though there were 3 car seats in the back. So I explain why she was stopped and inquire as to why none of the kids are belted in. Her response was "I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THAT CRAP!!!"
Yes ma'am, I'll be right back with you. Went back to my unit and ran her noting that she had received a ticket the previous year for the same thing, just one child. ROGER THAT! Wrote her for speeding, and 4 for the unsecured kids totaling ~$900 in fines. If she had said they had unlatched to see the police man or some other reasonable excuse and had them buckle up I probably would have let her go with a warning.
BUCKLE YOUR KIDS IN!
THAT'S A DATELINE NBC IN THE MAKING.
[rebelmouse-image 18979725 is_animated_gif=I had someone drunkenly confess to me that they witnessed a murder and knew where the murder weapon was ditched...
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING?!
[rebelmouse-image 18346098 is_animated_gif=I have two. First, was a suspicious person behind a business that had been burglarized a bunch of times in the past.
Me: what's your name?
Suspect: Jonathan
Me: okay how do you spell it?
Suspect: ... J-O-T-H-N-A-T-H-A-N -sighs- my name is Robert ___and I have a warrant._
Second was a traffic stop. Driver is in tears begging me not to give him a speeding ticket since he was going to have his license suspended.
Me: tell you what, if you have any information about something more serious than this ticket, I'll give you a warning.
Driver: a couple buddies and I broke into a bunch of cars by Main Street
Me: you've got to be KIDDING me.
Driver: I swear! All the stuff we took is at my friends house.
Turns out the driver was part of a group that was going through car's that were unlocked. We ended up arresting 4 people, 2 adults (18yrs old) and 2 juveniles. They all went to jail for a few years, but I kept my promise and did not give the driver a ticket.
ROLL OVER AND PLAY DEAD.
[rebelmouse-image 18356478 is_animated_gif=It's pretty common for people to openly admit to driving 10MPH over the speed limit because they think that 10 over is acceptable. It's also common that they don't know the speed limit. So they'll admit to going 45 in what they think is a 35 but it's actually a 25. Your best strategy is just to be polite and play dumb.
IS THAT REALLY YOUR BEST ANSWER?
[rebelmouse-image 18979726 is_animated_gif=I knew a kid who was arrested after pointing a gun at the police after they stopped him because they got a call about car prowlers. When he tried to run away he slipped and fell, so they caught him. When the police officer was telling the other officers that the guy was trying to shoot at him, he said "I forgot to take the safety off". He basically just admitted to attempted murder of a police officer and was sentenced to 13 years in prison at the ripe old age of 17.
ALWAYS SAY SORRY.
[rebelmouse-image 18979727 is_animated_gif=My friend apologized for not drinking after the cop asked her if she'd had anything that night.
AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A PLAN.
[rebelmouse-image 18362193 is_animated_gif=My brother was caught with a decent amount of marijuana in middle school. Told the officer "I wasn't gonna smoke it I was just gonna sell it."
That was now a distribution charge instead of simple possession. He was never actually charged with anything though, officer felt bad for him I think.
YES! ALL OF THIS IS FOR YOU.
[rebelmouse-image 18979728 is_animated_gif=As I was handcuffing a guy after a felony car stop for a stolen car, he looks around sees all the cop cars and the helicopter. Says to me "All this for a gta?" Why thank you sir, now i don't have to interview you.
HOW MANY OF ME DO YOU SEE?
[rebelmouse-image 18979729 is_animated_gif=I had pulled over a guy for some minor traffic offense who I knew had a twin brother. He gave me his name, let's say Jeff. I decided to check the other twin's name as well, boom, warrant. I knew he was bullshitting me but I couldn't prove it.
I chit chatted casually for a few minutes and then asked him "what's Jeff up to these days?" He answered and started telling me and I said "but I thought you were Jeff?!" He didn't even try to get out of it at that point. Admitted he wasn't Jeff and went to jail.
The annoying thing is that I later fell for this with another set of brothers and had to go back and arrest the kid the next day after he totally got the better of me!
BE COOL KIDS. BE COOL.
[rebelmouse-image 18979730 is_animated_gif=Close enough...A friend of mine is a cop and the first time he pulled anyone over it was a couple of teenagers in the car. My buddy says to them jokingly, "alright guys, where are you hiding the pot?" They were instantly terrified so they opened the middle console and handed him an eighth ounce of weed. He couldn't believe it and said he honestly felt really bad because at that point he had no choice but to write them up.
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.
[rebelmouse-image 18979731 is_animated_gif=My girlfriend was going through customs one time, and when the security guy asked her if she was carrying anything, she responded with "Just my explosive personality", followed by finger guns and a wink. This set of actions was immediately regretted.
JUST HUSH.
[rebelmouse-image 18979732 is_animated_gif=I used to intern for a prosecutor, we had one case where we had the officer's report for the DUI. After completing (and passing) the field sobriety, the guy told the officer "Oh good, I thought you were going to ask me to say the alphabet backwards. I can't even do that sober!"
We kept a copy of the report in the office for later laughs.
IT'S NOT ME IT'S YOU.
[rebelmouse-image 18346341 is_animated_gif=Me after pulling over a 40+ year old man on a scooter: "Am i going to find anything illegal under the seat?"
Him: "Nothing that belongs to me...."
YOU SAY POTATO... I SAY POTATOE...
[rebelmouse-image 18346099 is_animated_gif=Hold my proverbial beer.
I was a mall cop for a time, and it was about as stupid a job as people expect it to be. however, I drew the graveyard shift as it was at least interesting. most of the time.
Picture the scene. 3 AM. Huge empty lot. One SUV parked crooked in the middle of this sea of concrete... and its the only car there.
I take the patrol truck over to look at it, and there are 4 young women in the truck.
Three are sleeping. When I knock on the window, two wake up.
Fast Forward through the obligatories "You okay, private property, suspicious vehicle, see your ID, blah blah etc etc."
Me: So what are you all doing here?
Driver: We just had dinner and were resting, it disagreed with us.
Me: What did you eat?
Front Passenger: Potatoes
Me: (pointing a passed out drunk chick in the back) Did she eat potatoes too?
Front Passenger: (giggle, hiccup) ((no shit)) Oh yeah, a LOOOOTTT.
They all giggle.
That is when I asked the county sheriffs to come remove these drunk asses from my sphere of liability. Which they did.
But when the radio call went out for 4 drunk teenage girls in a mall parking lot... well. The response was impressive.
State Cops
City Cops
County Cops
University Cops (which were equivalent to State Cops)
Fire
EMS
AND ONE GDMFSOB SECRETARY OF STATE COP
It was a freaking circus.
PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN PEOPLE!
[rebelmouse-image 18979733 is_animated_gif=Pull over a car because I was 99% sure she was texting. I get to the window and her phone is on the passenger seat with iMessage open.
Me: Hi do you know what the speed limits are on this stretch of road?
Her: Yeah - 30mph
Me: How fast do you think you were going?
Her: I don't know I was on my phone
Things People Do That Make You Instantly Hate Them
Reddit user meulinlalondeowo asked: 'What's something that someone can do, that makes you instantly hate them?'
Unfortunately, we can't all get along with everyone. Sometimes, we don't mesh with people. Other times, we did get along until we got burned by the other people one too many times.
And sometimes, they do something that bothers you so much that you hate them instantly.
For me, it's a co-worker who says they will complete a task, then pass it off to me at the last minute since they know I'm too shy to say no. I don't mind doing the work; I'd just like to that I have to do it before the deadline.
I tend not to be friendly to those co-workers. It stops them from trying to pull that again.
Redditors have identified the behaviors that make them instantly hate someone and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor meulinlalondeowo asked:
"What's something that someone can do, that makes you instantly hate them?"
Don't Be A Slob
"Coworkers that don't clean up after themselves, leaving their personal crap for others to pick up."
– TiredOfEveryting
"This drives me crazy at my work place. The break room is always a mess. People leaving their things in the good spots and making it seem like they're saving the spot and then just don't come back. Leaving the tables dirty and sticky after they're done eating. Never pushing their chairs in."
"Like, yeah, we have cleaning staff but they aren't waiting around to clean up after every person. And even if they were, youre a f**king adult and should wipe up your own damn messes."
– StinkyKittyBreath
Not Funny
"Pranking someone in a way that deeply upsets them then laugh in their face"
– WiseOldChicken
"‘It was just a joke, why are you getting upset?’"
– Hellostranger1804
"A long time ago I was working at this cheesy company and they had this thing where the district manager would randomly call one of the offices once a month and ask whoever answered (rotating call system) what the top values of the company were. There was like a list of 5 things. If you got it right, you’d win $1,000."
"Well, one day I got the phone call. My heart was in my throat because I was so nervous, but I knew the answers. I felt like my prayers had been answered. I couldn’t pay my rent, I was always low on gas or completely out of food, I had even gone without heat in my car during Northern winter because I couldn’t afford to fix it. I was always drowning, no matter how hard I worked, with no resources, no credit or help around me—always stressed."
"Well the manager congratulated me for my knowledge and told me I won the thousand dollars. Still on the phone, I felt like a weight lifting off me, a sense of joy and ease coming—until a few people, all guys, came over laughing their a**es off and said it was “Dave” pranking me. I died inside."
"I started crying and yelling how cruel it was to do that. I was a young girl, in my early twenties then and Dave was like in his 40’s, I think. I was in disbelief. I am always friendly to everyone. Why me? They didn’t care how much it upset me. The whole lot of them. I’m 47 now and still remember the disappointing ache I felt in my heart that day more than twenty years ago. F**k you, Dave, and you other fools too, wherever you are!"
– IntrigueMachine
I Didn't Do It!
"Accusing me of something that I didn't do. Brings out instant ire in me."
– Pianowman
""I know you're lying because you're getting defensive about it.""
"rage."
– Kraymur
"They don’t seem to understand the concept that a person being accused of doing something they actually didn’t do would defend themselves."
– Intrepid-Lecture3077
Liar, Liar
"When they are lying, and I know that they are are lying, and they know that I know that they are lying, but they continue the lie."
– TrailerParkPrepper
"You are describing my brother."
"You forgot the part where you call them out on the lie, and they get angry with you because "they're not lying.""
– Pianowman
"My old boss."
"Boss: Why are you doing that?"
"Me: That’s what you said to do."
"Boss: I didn’t say that."
"Me: You said to do exactly this and I have witnesses that can confirm it."
"Boss: ………(storms off angrily) I got fired."
"Best thing that ever happened to me."
– audiorob1210
Just Be Nice
"When someone belittles someone for being excited over something or having a hobby"
"If someone says for example that they love to crochet and they’re excited to spend their day off making a new hat and someone makes fun of them they can get f**ked. No one should be made to feel bad for finding enjoyment in something harmless."
– Mushroomc0wz
"Rain on someone else's rainbow. If someone truly loves something like video games, a film genre, a sport or some other kind of interest/passion etc., and a person goes "that's a bit childish" or "X...is so boring" after they've explained why they love it, that to me is just mean and instantly turns me off."
– Soshedid2991
Animal Cruelty Is Not Okay
"Be cruel to an animal"
– Flimsy-Attention-722
"Throw a rock at a duck. It happened, i hate them."
– ohmyperfection
Litterbug
"litter"
– Flimsy-Attention-722
"I visited NOLA earlier this year and witnessed blatant littering right in front of me for the first time. This guy was walking out of a convenience store opening a candy bar, took the full wrapper off, and tossed it on the ground. Had that person waited 3-4 more strides, it would have literally landed in a trash can. I was bamboozled!"
– Bears_in_the_woods
Family Should Be Respected
"Talking bad about their spouse or children."
– SaiyanGodKing
"There's a guy who started at my work, sh*t talking his wife from day one. I told him he better show his wife some respect. The unfortunate thing is that I think this guy thinks he's just being cool or funny saying these things. But then they had a kid and the "jokes" were suddenly about both of them. He made a crack at them in a meeting with all my coworkers and I piped in and said "Jesus Christ dude, everytime you open your mouth I wanna smack the sh*t out of it""
"Haven't heard a negative thing about his wife or child since. Folks, ITS NOT F**KING COOL"
– JMC1110
My Turn To Talk!
"When they either accidentally or intentionally talk at the same time as someone or just straight up interrupt, they never go, "Oh sorry you go" but instead brute force their talking through."
"A girl in my indoor soccer team used to do this and one time I said to my friend, "The next time she does it, I'm just not going to back down." Next time, she interrupted me it was me and her talking to my friend continuously for like 2 minutes with him losing his mind trying to listen to both of us and at the end of it it was like she was completely unaware."
– SkinkaLei
Respect The Space
"Leaving their shopping cart blocking the entire aisle, totally oblivious to the existence of every other human in the grocery store."
– Dynamo_Ham
"Also, people who leave their shopping carts in the parking lot. Especially when blocking an open parking space."
– khelwen
"So brutal. Just callous pointless conduct that takes at most 15 seconds of effort to fix. Why?"
– Dynamo_Ham
"I love this so much! I'll find another unattended, sideways cart and swap a couple pretty noticeable items between them. Then when dipsh*t finally wanders back they just stare in hilarious confusion; they're pretty sure this was their cart, but the case of water is gone and they didn't grab that bottle of wine that's sitting on top so maybe it isn't. You can practically see the steam coming out their ears as they struggle to process it."
"Shopping with idiots used to be a huge source of stress, but I've found ways to make it entertaining."
– Belphegorite
Drive Safe
"Not use a turn signal."
"F**k you you piece of sh*t. I don't care what the f**king reason is. USE YOUR F**KING TURN SIGNAL."
– MickCollins
"And do it correctly."
"Can't tell you how many times I see a lane switch and when the car is already half way over the line will they grace us with a single half blink."
– AngelOfDeath771
I can't tell you how many times I screamed at other drivers (in my head) for not using turn signals. It's no joke!
Do you have any items to add to the list let us know in the comments below.
Men and women and talking and flirting.
What a disaster that can be.
It's especially tricky when men flirt with women who are into women.
It sounds like a lot of gents can't take that obvious hint.
How this is STILL an issue in 2023 is beyond us all.
But here we are.
Gentlemen, please sit and read the following.
And then read it again.
Then share with your friends and male family.
A deleted Redditor wanted to hear about the ways straight men couldn't take a hint, so they asked:
"Lesbians of Reddit, what’s the most ridiculous thing a straight guy told you to talk you into having sex with them?"
How Patriotic
"I had a guy try to entice me with his weed. He literally pulled out the American flag bong with the grinder that looked like ammunition. Honestly left me kinda speechless."
xSwishyy
A Transplant
"Didn't go as far as sex but was definitely the most ridiculous thing a straight guy has said to me so far. I was trying to check out at the store when the 60-something y/o cashier started flirting with me, asking if I had a boyfriend, etc. When he asked why I didn't I told him I'm a lesbian and he said 'I actually have a female kidney from my transplant a couple years ago so we wouldn't have a problem together.'"
BestiesWithBaphomet
Me Too!
"The opposite - a very drunk man approached me on a station platform and asked me out. I awkwardly replied, 'Sorry, I’m gay.' He said, 'You like women??' and I nodded, bracing for homophobia… but instead he just excitedly exclaimed 'ME TOO!!!' and shook my hand. Then he left me alone. It was an extremely funny and non-threatening interaction and I think fondly of him from time to time."
orangepigeon
Let's Dance
"My brother was absolutely refusing to take no for an answer when asking [my friend] to prom. I think my brother asked my friend to prom like 5 times before they just started ignoring him. I also told off my brother cause my friend is open about being a lesbian and told him that they were a lesbian. Something about not having a lesbian somehow makes guys angry because they can't take no for an answer."
pumpkinthighs
Can men really be this off?
Oh the Drama
Feeling It Drama Club GIF by NickelodeonGiphy"He said that I had no idea what it's like to be the single straight guy who tries to find (sex) love. And it's cruel for me to not give him even a chance to be romantic with me. And I don't have a good reason to say no because he is good-looking and earns more money than I do lol."
Original-Pineapple18
DIBS
"This guy was one of my closer friends at the time, and SOLIDLY friend-zoned. We’d established countless times over the last year that we weren’t into each other, I was lesbian, and that even if I weren’t he wouldn’t go for me, yada yada. We’d talked about things that I would NOT have discussed if I knew he would ever be into me."
"Well lo and behold, one day I realize I’m questioning whether I’m bisexual or not due to a mutual friend. I bring it up to him in a state of real vulnerability, cuz I thought I’d had everything figured out before this, but wanted my friend’s input on if it was a good idea to bring it up to hot-dude directly."
"This grown-a** man told me HE HAD DIBS. D I B S."
Kazooasaurus
Preferences
"Not a lesbian, but I’m bi with a pretty strong preference for women. Probably THE most common response from guys when I say I’m not interested in 'Really? I dunno, you don’t look like you date girls.' I never know how to respond. Do they expect me to suddenly realize I’m NOT into women? Do they think questioning my preferences is endearing or sexy??"
Individual_Ad_7523
So Sexy
Ryan Reynolds GIF by CBCGiphy"Always the standard idea of they think their penis is magical and can 'turn' me. Uh, no. Also, have had more than a few guys say 'You're too attractive' to be a lesbian. They actually think it's a compliment. Oof."
Goody2Shuuz
Listen to someone's boundaries when they tell you, gentleman!
It's really that simple.
Does anyone have any similar stories? Let us know in the comments below.
As a society, we have made this general correlation that spending more means receiving a higher-quality item.
But sometimes we need to remember that affordable purchases are totally worth our time, and sometimes those purchases prove to be the true game-changers.
Redditor degenerateunicorn asked:
"What inexpensive purchase improved your life greatly?"
Long Charging Cables
"For once and for all, it's a ten-foot charging cable for your phone!"
- usuperavenger
"Not just one... but one for each room you regularly charge your phone. A 10-footer in the bedroom and a 10-footer in the loungeroom, changed my life."
- lhsofthebellcurve
Good Earplugs
"Earplugs. Just pop those in your ears and shut the world out."
- lapsangsouchogn
"I bought some to help me sleep and oh. my. god. I sat on this brilliant idea for seven years. I feel so ashamed of myself."
- DidDunMegasploded
A Library Card
"Does a library card count?"
- Lookimawave
"I'd say so! There's just so much you can do at local libraries! Especially in the bigger cities. The things they have to lend out are really interesting and definitely not just books!"
- appleparkfive
"I hardly ever even go into the physical library, but the card gives me access to e-books, audiobooks, and movies via Libby, Hoopla, Overdrive, and Canopy. Although the physical library does have neat resources like 3D printers, laser cutters, a recording studio, etc."
- Lookimawave
An Electric Toothbrush
"Electric toothbrush!"
- imvital
"Does it make a big difference? Lifelong manual toothbrush user, but I've been considering converting if it's worth it."
- ILoveLamp_1995
"A few years back I needed to get a new toothbrush and the cheapest in the store was a battery-powered electric. I thought why not and tried it out."
"My next dentist visit showed a marked improvement with just that cheap, crappy brush."
"I bought an Oral-B electric brush (with bluetooth!) right there in the dentist's office. Since then, my dentist checkups have just been a bit of scraping, with very little if any bleeding. Definitely worth it."
- nabrok
A Jogging Phone Holder
"A shoulder holster for my phone when I started to run again. It was the running that changed my life obviously, but having my phone within Bluetooth range for music made it achievable. Cost me all of seven dollars."
- EveryonesADose
More Pillows
"I got myself a third pillow last year. I don't know what it is about it but definitely has made sleeping better."
- potatosalade26
A Roomba or Equivalent
"Not necessarily cheap, but a Roomba. Now I HAVE to keep my place clean and decluttered so it can work. No more piles of laundry and whatnots."
- Pale-Dust2239
"There are cheaper ones out there and if you decide to give them a go 100% pay for the extended warranty."
"I got a Eufy which we love but have had it replaced twice in three years for free. Next time it dies we’ll be out of warranty so hopefully I can get enough cash together for a Roomba."
- MissingVanSushi
A Swiss Army Knife
"I got it as a gift but a basic Swiss Army knife. It fits in my pocket, and gives me a crappy screwdriver, bottle opener, tweezers, etc., in a pinch. It also doesn’t freak people out like other pocket knives."
- Mrofcourse
A Meat Thermometer
"A meat thermometer takes the guesswork and worry out of internal temps."
- 9umopapisdn
"Oh my god, do you have a Meater? My husband says it’s the best gift I’ve ever given him. It’s a meat thermometer that connects to your phone."
- degenerateunicorn
A Bidet
"A bidet."
- art8127
"Yes! It costs thirty dollars, and even a doofus like me was able to 'install' it in under 10 minutes."
- poppy-sparklehorse
A Sleep Mask
"A proper sleep mask."
"They're not too expensive. I wrap it around one of those microwavable bean bags shortly before bed and it becomes a warm mask for falling asleep. Super comfortable."
- zomboromcom
"I agree, mine was a great purchase. Not only does it help me sleep in later, but putting it on has now become the signal to my body that it's time to sleep."
- sedimentary-1
Glass Lens Cloth
"Glasses cleaner cloth. Such a little soft piece of cloth saves me from the frustration of constant smears, smudges, possible scratches, and ruining the anti-glare layer on my glasses. I hate looking out of dirty glasses."
- agbmom
A Bicycle
"I bought a second-hand bike for $60 back in the autumn of 2020. I took to cycling, and because of that, I lost 35lbs (but put 20 back on), it renewed my sex life with my husband and I feel healthier. It’s very calming (it’s a multi-use trail, so no vehicles and it’s flat and maintained)."
"I have some wonderful folks I talk to every time I go out and dogs I get to give treats to. I go out any morning I can Spring/Summer/Autumn for between 90 minutes to two hours, as long as it isn’t raining or too windy… I’ll even go out when it’s below 0°C. I’m early retired, so I have plenty of time."
- NickNNS
A Wet Pallet for Painting
"My homemade wet pallet. Leftover scrap container, some sponge, parchment paper, and a little water, and boom. Perfectly thinned acrylic paint and blending surface. It was a game changer for me as an artist."
- Adubya76
A Backscratcher
"A one-dollar backscratcher!"
- LazyHighGoals
"I keep a backscratcher on my nightstand, and now I don’t know how I lived without it."
- wholewheatscythe
Each of these purchases are items that we could not only see purchasing ourselves, but we can totally understand how these were life-changing for these Redditors, despite the price of the purchases. Sometimes the most life-changing things have the smallest price tags!
Getting a job may be difficult, but believe it or not, it's allegedly harder to get fired from jobs.
Employees have to seriously be incapable of doing the job they were hired for, or they must be so miserable after realizing the job description was not what they signed up for that they deliberately jeopardize their position just to be shown the door.
Strangers online were happy to provide examples of terminated coworkers when Redditor Business_Reporter420 asked:
"What’s the fastest way you’ve ever seen a new coworker get fired?"
The couple times deserve the benefit of a doubt.
And then there are the other times after that...
Losing Track Of Time
"6 hours. Call center job. She showed up to orientation on day 1 about an hour late. Hey stuff happens. Then we go on a 15 min break. She goes out to take a phone call, comes back in after about 45 min. We go to lunch, it's 30 minutes. She comes back over an hour later. We go on afternoon break, when the 15 min break is up, one of the trainers gets up and steps out in the hall and closes the door behind him. We hear her arrive and argue with him about 20 minutes after that. He comes back in and gets the stuff she left at her desk and we never see her again."
– misoranomegami
A String Of Unfortunate Events
"First day, her grandmother died. Understandable. Second day, her car broke down. Bad luck. Third day she had no electricity and couldn’t blow dry her hair. She was told not to bother coming in at all."
– exitzero
The Employee On Her Own Schedule
"There are a lot of these people. What do they think is going to happen, like they'll come in to work eventually, everyone will understand, and they'll be a great employee... tomorrow though. Today they're hungover."
"I fired a girl like this... she acted gobsmacked 'wow, gosh, really? This is kinda crazy, i've never been fired before.'"
"She showed up for about 50% of her scheduled days for like 2 straight weeks. Did she really think that was how jobs work?"
– Steinmetal4
Downfall Of Mass Hiring
"Worked for startups the past couple of years before I recently took a new gig but we had to hire about 100 people in the span of 2 weeks which I told my boss was a bad idea but the CEO insisted"
"Hired a young lady, she had a spotty resume but was very cheerful and friendly in the interview and my boss's instructions were if they are nice and friendly 'pass them on to me.'"
"we oversaw the customer service relations for this company."
"On her first day she came in 15 minutes late, got into an argument with a customer on her first training call and took the mic and farted into it as loud as I've ever heard a human being fart"
"We paid her for the full day."
"Best hire ever."
– _Nolofinwe_
Some people were never a fit for the job.
Fear Gets In The Way
"I was working as a stable boy, and I was showing the new girl around the stables. As I introduced her to the horses, she was very apprehensive to come near them, refusing to even step into the stall (she signed on to help care for the horses.)"
"Later that day, she admitted that the horses terrified her, so the boss let her go."
– AlternativeFilm8886
The Sibling Discount
"In high school I worked at a clothing store as a cashier. Guy next to me has his sister come through with a huge pile of merchandise."
"He scans one item that was on clearance for like $2 over and over again for everything she had, which was likely hundreds of dollars."
"Didn’t realize the manager was standing right behind him."
“Go clock out and give me your name tag, you’re gone.”
"He didn’t argue or anything, just put his head down and walked off."
"The manager jumps on the register to clear the transaction out and the sister takes out her card, 'This is gonna be a credit.'”
"Manager says 'Not for $2 it’s not, get out of here.'”
"The sister actually tried to complete the purchase like nothing had happened lol"
– Plantayne
Gamer On The Clock
"A guy at my work was caught playing World of Warcraft for hours each day. Boss called him in and told him that was wholly unacceptable and he had to stop immediately or he'd be canned."
"Less than an hour later, IT calls the same boss and says the guy is back in his office playing again. He was let go that day."
– jpiro
Rule Breaker
"Worked in a sales call center about 10 years ago, real braindead work. New guy starts on a Monday morning, after he gets trained up on the basics (which takes about an hour), he gets assigned a desk and sets off to work."
"30 minutes later, it looks like little puffs of steam are rising up from his computer monitor. Turns out he was vaping on one of those disposable ecigarettes, the kind that sort of tried to look like real cigarettes. He gets told by the boss that we can't vape indoors, and if he wants to, he'll have to go outside to do it on a break."
"About 30 minutes later again, the same thing happens. He gets caught again, and is told in no uncertain terms that if he wants to keep his job, he'll stop vaping at his desk."
"An hour later, he gets caught hiding under his desk vaping, and is promptly fired, all before lunch time. Dude could have just gone outside."
– Mr_Itch
First And Final Delivery
"Day 1, delivering pizzas. I was the trainer."
"Dude wasn't familiar with the town at all (this was before GPS was a thing)."
"Second delivery, he gets in the car, and proceeds to floor it in the parking lot, showing off all 80 horsepower for the 30 feet before slamming on the brakes to turn onto the main street, nearly hitting a customer and her young child."
"I say whoah, slow down in the Parking lot, you almost hit that kid."
"'F'k em' was his response."
"That was his last delivery, lasted all of about 90 minutes."
– talontd92tsi
The easiest way for a worker to get off the payroll is for them to actually quit.
Misunderstanding Of A Job Position
"I used to work night audit/front desk at a motel adjacent to major highways. It was a super chill job, I loved my boss, and it was cool by me."
"But God, trying to hire and train someone to take over my hours - once for maternity leave, and then when I was moving away - was a nightmare. One lady claimed to be computer literate, and then tried to use the mouse to physically touch the correct spot on the monitor when I asked her to click on a field. Another got extremely confused when I mentioned that sleeping with a guest was completely out of bounds. A guy got arrested (and fired of course) for selling drugs to someone out the night window. It was just an absolute sh*t show."
"Before I moved, I gave my boss a 2-month notice, because I knew hiring and training was gonna be a nightmare. About a week before my final shift, we finally got someone in place. She was more than a bit strange and could certainly have used a spot of mental health care, but hey, I can't throw stones. She showed up, grasped the basics of the job, etc. About a week after I left, I learned that she had quit because she didn't realize that night audit was a purely overnight job."
"Idk."
– 50EffingCabbages
The Newbie's Assigned Task
"He didn’t get fired, he quit. But this dude was a first day hire as a bagger at a grocery store. Some dude blew up the entire bathroom with diarrhea. Walls, doors, sink, mirror, everywhere. They asked new dude to go clean it. He clocked out and never came back. He’s a hero."
– mrmastomas
I briefly worked for an entertainment company as a dancer with a friend of mine who was unfortunately let go during the rehearsal process.
He was unable to keep up with the demanding rehearsal schedule and couldn't retain the mass amount of choreography we were being taught in a short amount of time.
Poor guy wasn't even a slacker. As a matter of fact, he far exceeded my dancing capabilities and was hard-working, but he let himself get in the way and couldn't handle the pressure.
But by letting him go, the production company took a hit because teaching a new-hire everything from the beginning slowed us down more than the time it would've taken to help my friend memorize the choreography.
Sigh...