We do not give our friends in blue enough credit. They face situations we can only try NOT to dream of. Danger lurks in every second, every second of their shifts. And Lord do they have some stories of survival to tell. Being a police officer is a whirlwind of crazy. And we need to know more.
Redditor u/Yokeyoyo wanted to hear from all the brothers and sisters in blue by asking.... Police Officers of Reddit, what's the craziest situation you've been in?
A guy on a sports team I play in is a drug squad cop and told us the following story. They had staked out a meth lab house for awhile and surveilled the house with pinhole cameras for some time. They'd noticed that the occupants were becoming increasingly erratic, someone senior suggested it was due to them not replacing the filters in their protective masks.
Anyway, at some stage they decide it's time to go in, so tactical enter and grab all the guys and clear the rooms. Then a chemical team go in to make sure everything is safe. Eventually my mate and his team go in to collect evidence with a few young uniforms to help.
The house is a bit of a shambles but nothing too unexpected, until one of the uniforms picks up a large rubber dildo and starts playing around with it in front of everybody. The senior then tells him: you know that while reviewing all the footage on this place we never saw any women entering or leaving this house... And why are you the only one not wearing gloves? bPhrea
Not a cop, but a cop friend of mind in SE Washington, DC. He got a domestic disturbance call and arrived to a calm scene. The husband explained he and his wife had been arguing, and that she had gone over the top, but they were both fine now. The wife confirmed the story, but stated she didn't want the husband back in the house that night. My friend asked if the husband had a place to go, and he agreed to go to his mother's house for the night.
The husband left, then my friend and his partner left soon after. About an hour later, they get a call back to the same house. When they get there, the husband is in the kitchen dead. The wife explains that right after the police left, her husband came back and resumed arguing with her. He got in her face and she stabbed in the neck with a chicken bone, hitting his carotid artery. abbrollher
On a hot midnight in The Bronx about 330 am......
On a hot midnight in The Bronx about 330 am got a burg call. Me and my partner found it strange when central gave us the address because it was a funeral home. We arrive on scene of this brownstone building and immediately see the basement lights are on. We look at each other and say "no way ... someone actually broke in here????" So we enter through what is an open door and begin to clear each room of the funeral home/ house. When we reach the basement and open what is a brightly lit body prep storage and prep room we are immediately confronted with several bodies on tables covered in different stages of undress with bed sheets on them.
Our attention is drawn to a very startled naked man holding playing cards . I look at him and simply say "What the heck and who the heck are you?? He looks at me and my partner and nervously responds ... "I'm the Mortician" .... wait .... "Who are you?? And what the heck are you doing??? "I'm the mortician and I'm working and playing cards " "Playing cards ??? My partner says ... "Yeah cards ...see????"... holding his hands out displaying the deck of cards.
I look around and see each of the 4-5 bodies have their own hands dealt to them ...
We asked for His ID .... verified he belonged there and proceeded to leave with a queasy feeling laughing out butts off.
My partner looks at me and says how should we mark this job.... ????
Best job in the world..... I miss the clowns but not the circus. nforcr
Not a police officer, but I know one.
I'm sure he has a million stories, but my favorite that he's told me was the time he was called to a local Mexican restaurant. When he arrived, he was directed to a Cadillac in the parking lot that was a rockin', if you get my drift.
He knocks on the window, and a butt naked 80 year old woman gets out, pissed off that someone interrupted her getting laid. Her 80 year old husband was laying naked in the vehicle still.
This old woman stood outside of her vehicle, completely naked, for a solid 5 minutes, arguing w my friend about how she should be able to get laid whenever she wants.
There was more to the story of course, but as I'm not the first hand story teller, I can't do the story the proper justice it deserves.
He didn't arrest them, even though she stood naked outside for 5 minutes, so she got off easy (pun intended). alwaysmyfault
Still with me....
I babysat for a cop (2 toddler daughters)(10/10 kids, cute and very affectionate) and he told me of one story where he was called to this old lady's home. When they got there they found her husbands rotting body under a pile of newspapers. So apparently the lady had really bad dementia and had thought the husband was a robber and hit him in the back of the head with a rolling pin.
The poor dementia lady went back to bed and he was dead in the morning. She didn't know what to do, so she covered his body with newspapers and somehow managed to survive on her own for a few days. A neighbor started to worry and came to check up on them. The neighbor was the one to call the police. That story haunted me for like a month. ratsoh
I just asked my dad, who was a cop for 30+ years.
He told me he pulled over a car full of "Woodchucks", older drunkards from a rural area in the Northeast area of the US. He was in his late 20's at the time, so in good shape compared to the drunks. I think there were 4. While my dad was processing the driver, he had him in the front seat of his car. Once the guy realized he was probably going to be arrested, he started ripping the radio and anything he could grab out of his car. He grabbed my dad and pulled him out of the passenger side of his vehicle and onto the ground.
My dad landed between this guy's legs and into some kind of leg-lock chokehold. The guy, during all this, has started to scream to his friends to get his gun and kill him. Once he has him in a leg-lock, he looks down and says "now I'm gonna kill you." before he starts to choke my dad with his legs. I guess backup showed up just in time, or had been there, the deputy at the time hit him in the head with a baton and sent him out. tenthplagueb
I went home and hugged my son.
Did a stop on a pretty obvious dope car. Driver is tweaking on meth. Passenger also tweaking and is a female that weighs 95 pounds while being 5'8 or so. She looked like a concentration camp victim. She's offering to provide oral services in exchange for her release. Obviously I decline.
Guy in the back appears to be asleep. I get his ID from the tweaking driver as my backup arrives. We get all 3 out, I can see needles all over the car. The guy in the back wakes up and gets out. Dispatch gives us returns, letting us know the back passenger is has a parole violation (he was released early from prison IYDK) for felon in possession of a firearm.
The dispatcher was supposed to warn us before giving the return out loud over the radio but didn't in this case. Old dude stands up and reaches in his waistband. I see this happening in slow motion and realize it's about to get real. My partner swings from around the other side of the vehicle where he was talking to one of the other suspects. I start to yell gun in time for my partner to straight up linebacker this dude, which we got into cuffs. Had a .45 in the waistband.
I went home and hugged my son, who was 1 at the time.
Edit: was out at a family function. I am about to start replying to all the messages. Thank you.
Second edit: I have a few more good ones if anyone cares to hear them. Also, I don't work patrol anymore. I'm a detective with my agency now.
67 Stitches In....
Not a cop, my dad was. Was backing up a situation where guy allegedly was shooting up on the street. When he came over, guy was arguing with the officer on scene, definitely not being aggressive in any way, or suspicious though. Long story short, the other two officers on scene got aggressive with him and grabbed him and slammed him multiple times into a car parked on the street and he had the get 67 stitches. My dad told the chief and ended up having to quit since everyone was pissed at him for doing so. madiison1461
I legitimately considered law enforcement as a career path, and regularly chat up officers in public or social situations. I used to ask questions like this.
A former Vegas officer told me a story about he and his partner going to break up a party with some expected underage alcohol and narcotics activity.
While there someone brought up an unusual van down the street. They went expecting more kids nonsense. It contained gang members waiting to kill someone leaving the party.
He was shot multiple times. Spent months in the hospital. His partner was murdered. Dead before EMT arrived.
I stopped asking after this answer. official_fox_news
Answered a disturbance call to find a drunk dude climbing in a car while his wife screamed at him. She smacked his windshield with a bat, destroying it as he peeled out. We followed him maybe .5 mile with the sirens and lights while he drove with his head out the window Ace Ventura style. Poor bastard didn't get his head back inside in time passing a UPS truck and his head pieces ended up on my windshield. SgtSavage110
Responded with my partner to a welfare check on an elderly gentleman. Knocked on the door, walked in and couldn't find him. Went to his garage and found him sound asleep behind the wheel. He tried to commit suicide by asphyxiation. Thing is, he only had a small amount of fuel and it was a new Civic. He was pissed when he woke up that I wasn't St Peter. Risin_bison
Showed up to a call once about a baby crying nonstop for hours and no sign of an adult being home. We went into the house and I followed the sound of the crying baby upstairs to find an 18 month old with her arms duct taped to her crib. I undid the duct tape and it was obvious this was not the first time it had happened. I brought the child downstairs and outside. The mom was walking up the sidewalk of the housing unit and flipped crazy on me.
I handed the child off to a patrol and cuffed her. It was the most satisfying clicking of handcuffs I had ever heard.
Edit: This happened when I was in the Army as an MP. The father of the child was deployed at the time. From what I heard, he was granted permission to return home and take custody of the child. They got a divorce and I believe he won custody. I don't know what happened to her as far as a sentencing or jail time. dogballtaster
Put it Back.Giphy
My dad friend who is a cop in NC told me that some teen tried to steal an electric shopping cart from Target with a ton of crap in it and tried to outrun the cops but the cart only went 5mph for like 25 meters then the battery died. The cop just asked him to push the cart back since it died and return the stolen items. Bigbadballer88
With an Axe.
Dad tells the story of a guy he knew who kept getting caught for writing bad checks. He was such a big guy he wouldn't fit in the police car so they would just meet him at the magistrate office and write him tickets. (I know, some trust) but a year or so after this kept happening, he got a call that there was a domestic dispute at the house. So they rush over there and he's got an axe in his hand sitting on the front porch all bloody.
They approach and tell him to put the axe down which he does and proceeded to tell them that his wife is in the bathtub, or at least her head is. But guy was completely open and cooperative, didn't run or anything. Asked if he could meet them at the magistrate office and dad was like yeah nah dawg you're gonna have to get in the car this time.
I was in shock....
While serving in South Korea, my team was on patrol in the local drinking village when we heard someone drunkenly singing the US national anthem. At a loss for where this individual was, we finally looked up and there he was.... tight rope walking on the ledge of a building 3 stories up. This is when precision of language is of vital importance...especially when dealing with a drunk. The sergeant on scene said, "Hey, come down here!" The drunkard said, "On my way!" And proceeded to step off.
Under the impression I was about to witness my first death, I was in shock. Through some bit of weird luck/science, he glanced the hood of a slightly misted Daewoo truck and slid down to the ground. We ran over to him and he said, "Hey guys, how's it going?" He had open fractures on both femurs and after some makeshift splinting and controlling the bleeding, he was transported to the nearest hospital. Soju is a hell of a thing. Reddit
"I'm not crazy!"Giphy
Definitely the time that an older, mentally ill woman tried to burn her house down because she believed that was the only way to disarm the atom bomb in her attic. I got her to walk with me to my car and get in the back by telling her it was the only place she'd be safe. When I got in and started driving, she started yelling that I couldn't take her to jail because she hadn't done anything wrong.
I calmly informed her that we were going to the hospital, which prompted even louder yelling of, "I'm not crazy!" I replied, "I don't think you're crazy." She screamed, "Then why are you taking me to the hospital?!" I told her, "Well, you were next to that atom bomb, right? We gotta get you checked for radiation poisoning." Her eyes got wide and she said, "Oh crap! I didn't think about that, you better hurry!"
For you Rookie.
First time my brother arrested someone was really funny. He and his training officer were working the graveyard shift and got a call for suspicious activity at a house. They arrive and the homeowner says they're is someone sneaking around his house that shouldn't be there. So they start looking around with their flashlights, grass is really overgrown in the backyard and my brother notice one of those Fisher Price kid's car (yellow & red plastic car) moving on its own. They found their guy, naked and high AF trying to hide under the kids toy and crawl away. Training officer says,"Well, he's your's rookie", had my brother cuff him (guy didn't want to go to jail and put up a naked fight) and take the guy to jail. j2142b
In a bunny suit....
Attended a structural fire in a downtown high rise. Was tasked with evacuating local residents in case the building collapsed.
Third house I went to, the guy answers in a full bunny suit with gas mask propped up in his head. English wasn't his first language, and as I was trying to communicate that he needed to evacuate, it became clear he was running a meth lab inside. Arrested Asian Walter White, and then had to sit in the shadow of the structure fire keeping eyes on the house while waiting for CLEAR (clandestine lab) team to show up.
In that time fire trucks basically surrounded my vehicle so I couldn't move it, even after CLEAR team moved in. Walter had his lawyer call in my pc, and it was about 10 hours before we could head back to cells. I've never had to pee so badly in my life. Philosorunner
Former PO, I'll try not to make this long: Early morning about 1 hour before I had to end my shift, dispatch said to go lights and sirens to an address. A pit bull was actively mauling an elderly woman. I get there and the woman is practically hanging on to life, blood all over the home. I tased the dog, twice before it responded. A K-9 unit had a muzzle and a strong leash. Dog was eventually put down, woman survived.
Second situation was an active shooter with officer down. It was a real crap show. Dude was off his rocker, shot at a fellow officer. This officer ended up retiring after this, but I and many others thought he was dead.
Third situation. I respond to domestic violence call, shootout with husband, he shoots me 3x and all 3 hit my vest. This was about 6 months after the second situation. I ended my police career after this. KingNebby
I know a guy, who was a cop in Texas when I was in middle school. He told me about this one time this woman called 911 because her house was haunted. He preceded to put handcuffs on an invisible "ghost" and acted like he was putting it in the police car. austingarrett
Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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