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Police Officers Share The Craziest Situations They've Ever Been In

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Police Officers Share The Craziest Situations They've Ever Been In

We do not give our friends in blue enough credit. They face situations we can only try NOT to dream of. Danger lurks in every second, every second of their shifts. And Lord do they have some stories of survival to tell. Being a police officer is a whirlwind of crazy. And we need to know more.

Redditor u/Yokeyoyo wanted to hear from all the brothers and sisters in blue by asking...

Police Officers of Reddit, what's the craziest situation you've been in?

Gloves Please.....

A guy on a sports team I play in is a drug squad cop and told us the following story. They had staked out a meth lab house for awhile and surveilled the house with pinhole cameras for some time. They'd noticed that the occupants were becoming increasingly erratic, someone senior suggested it was due to them not replacing the filters in their protective masks.

Anyway, at some stage they decide it's time to go in, so tactical enter and grab all the guys and clear the rooms. Then a chemical team go in to make sure everything is safe. Eventually my mate and his team go in to collect evidence with a few young uniforms to help.

The house is a bit of a shambles but nothing too unexpected, until one of the uniforms picks up a large rubber dildo and starts playing around with it in front of everybody. The senior then tells him: you know that while reviewing all the footage on this place we never saw any women entering or leaving this house... And why are you the only one not wearing gloves? bPhrea

Over Chicken?

Giphy

Not a cop, but a cop friend of mind in SE Washington, DC. He got a domestic disturbance call and arrived to a calm scene. The husband explained he and his wife had been arguing, and that she had gone over the top, but they were both fine now. The wife confirmed the story, but stated she didn't want the husband back in the house that night. My friend asked if the husband had a place to go, and he agreed to go to his mother's house for the night.

The husband left, then my friend and his partner left soon after. About an hour later, they get a call back to the same house. When they get there, the husband is in the kitchen dead. The wife explains that right after the police left, her husband came back and resumed arguing with her. He got in her face and she stabbed in the neck with a chicken bone, hitting his carotid artery. abbrollher

On a hot midnight in The Bronx about 330 am......

On a hot midnight in The Bronx about 330 am got a burg call. Me and my partner found it strange when central gave us the address because it was a funeral home. We arrive on scene of this brownstone building and immediately see the basement lights are on. We look at each other and say "no way ... someone actually broke in here????" So we enter through what is an open door and begin to clear each room of the funeral home/ house. When we reach the basement and open what is a brightly lit body prep storage and prep room we are immediately confronted with several bodies on tables covered in different stages of undress with bed sheets on them.

Our attention is drawn to a very startled naked man holding playing cards . I look at him and simply say "What the heck and who the heck are you?? He looks at me and my partner and nervously responds ... "I'm the Mortician" .... wait .... "Who are you?? And what the heck are you doing??? "I'm the mortician and I'm working and playing cards " "Playing cards ??? My partner says ... "Yeah cards ...see????"... holding his hands out displaying the deck of cards.

I look around and see each of the 4-5 bodies have their own hands dealt to them ...

We asked for His ID .... verified he belonged there and proceeded to leave with a queasy feeling laughing out butts off.

My partner looks at me and says how should we mark this job.... ????

Best job in the world..... I miss the clowns but not the circus. nforcr

Be Naked.

Giphy

Not a police officer, but I know one.

I'm sure he has a million stories, but my favorite that he's told me was the time he was called to a local Mexican restaurant. When he arrived, he was directed to a Cadillac in the parking lot that was a rockin', if you get my drift.

He knocks on the window, and a butt naked 80 year old woman gets out, pissed off that someone interrupted her getting laid. Her 80 year old husband was laying naked in the vehicle still.

This old woman stood outside of her vehicle, completely naked, for a solid 5 minutes, arguing w my friend about how she should be able to get laid whenever she wants.

There was more to the story of course, but as I'm not the first hand story teller, I can't do the story the proper justice it deserves.

He didn't arrest them, even though she stood naked outside for 5 minutes, so she got off easy (pun intended). alwaysmyfault

Still with me....

I babysat for a cop (2 toddler daughters)(10/10 kids, cute and very affectionate) and he told me of one story where he was called to this old lady's home. When they got there they found her husbands rotting body under a pile of newspapers. So apparently the lady had really bad dementia and had thought the husband was a robber and hit him in the back of the head with a rolling pin.

The poor dementia lady went back to bed and he was dead in the morning. She didn't know what to do, so she covered his body with newspapers and somehow managed to survive on her own for a few days. A neighbor started to worry and came to check up on them. The neighbor was the one to call the police. That story haunted me for like a month. ratsoh

"Woodchucks"

I just asked my dad, who was a cop for 30+ years.

He told me he pulled over a car full of "Woodchucks", older drunkards from a rural area in the Northeast area of the US. He was in his late 20's at the time, so in good shape compared to the drunks. I think there were 4. While my dad was processing the driver, he had him in the front seat of his car. Once the guy realized he was probably going to be arrested, he started ripping the radio and anything he could grab out of his car. He grabbed my dad and pulled him out of the passenger side of his vehicle and onto the ground.

My dad landed between this guy's legs and into some kind of leg-lock chokehold. The guy, during all this, has started to scream to his friends to get his gun and kill him. Once he has him in a leg-lock, he looks down and says "now I'm gonna kill you." before he starts to choke my dad with his legs. I guess backup showed up just in time, or had been there, the deputy at the time hit him in the head with a baton and sent him out. tenthplagueb

I went home and hugged my son.

Did a stop on a pretty obvious dope car. Driver is tweaking on meth. Passenger also tweaking and is a female that weighs 95 pounds while being 5'8 or so. She looked like a concentration camp victim. She's offering to provide oral services in exchange for her release. Obviously I decline.

Guy in the back appears to be asleep. I get his ID from the tweaking driver as my backup arrives. We get all 3 out, I can see needles all over the car. The guy in the back wakes up and gets out. Dispatch gives us returns, letting us know the back passenger is has a parole violation (he was released early from prison IYDK) for felon in possession of a firearm.

The dispatcher was supposed to warn us before giving the return out loud over the radio but didn't in this case. Old dude stands up and reaches in his waistband. I see this happening in slow motion and realize it's about to get real. My partner swings from around the other side of the vehicle where he was talking to one of the other suspects. I start to yell gun in time for my partner to straight up linebacker this dude, which we got into cuffs. Had a .45 in the waistband.

I went home and hugged my son, who was 1 at the time.

Edit: was out at a family function. I am about to start replying to all the messages. Thank you.

Second edit: I have a few more good ones if anyone cares to hear them. Also, I don't work patrol anymore. I'm a detective with my agency now.

I posted another story below. Thanks for the positive words. 99% of cops are out there every day doing honest work to keep you safe. copswithguns

67 Stitches In.... 

Not a cop, my dad was. Was backing up a situation where guy allegedly was shooting up on the street. When he came over, guy was arguing with the officer on scene, definitely not being aggressive in any way, or suspicious though. Long story short, the other two officers on scene got aggressive with him and grabbed him and slammed him multiple times into a car parked on the street and he had the get 67 stitches. My dad told the chief and ended up having to quit since everyone was pissed at him for doing so. madiison1461

No Answers. 

I legitimately considered law enforcement as a career path, and regularly chat up officers in public or social situations. I used to ask questions like this.

A former Vegas officer told me a story about he and his partner going to break up a party with some expected underage alcohol and narcotics activity.

While there someone brought up an unusual van down the street. They went expecting more kids nonsense. It contained gang members waiting to kill someone leaving the party.

He was shot multiple times. Spent months in the hospital. His partner was murdered. Dead before EMT arrived.

I stopped asking after this answer. official_fox_news

Hey Ace.

Giphy

Answered a disturbance call to find a drunk dude climbing in a car while his wife screamed at him. She smacked his windshield with a bat, destroying it as he peeled out. We followed him maybe .5 mile with the sirens and lights while he drove with his head out the window Ace Ventura style. Poor bastard didn't get his head back inside in time passing a UPS truck and his head pieces ended up on my windshield. SgtSavage110

St. Peter?

Responded with my partner to a welfare check on an elderly gentleman. Knocked on the door, walked in and couldn't find him. Went to his garage and found him sound asleep behind the wheel. He tried to commit suicide by asphyxiation. Thing is, he only had a small amount of fuel and it was a new Civic. He was pissed when he woke up that I wasn't St Peter. Risin_bison

Showing Up....

Showed up to a call once about a baby crying nonstop for hours and no sign of an adult being home. We went into the house and I followed the sound of the crying baby upstairs to find an 18 month old with her arms duct taped to her crib. I undid the duct tape and it was obvious this was not the first time it had happened. I brought the child downstairs and outside. The mom was walking up the sidewalk of the housing unit and flipped crazy on me.

I handed the child off to a patrol and cuffed her. It was the most satisfying clicking of handcuffs I had ever heard.

Edit: This happened when I was in the Army as an MP. The father of the child was deployed at the time. From what I heard, he was granted permission to return home and take custody of the child. They got a divorce and I believe he won custody. I don't know what happened to her as far as a sentencing or jail time. dogballtaster

Put it Back.

Giphy

My dad friend who is a cop in NC told me that some teen tried to steal an electric shopping cart from Target with a ton of crap in it and tried to outrun the cops but the cart only went 5mph for like 25 meters then the battery died. The cop just asked him to push the cart back since it died and return the stolen items. Bigbadballer88

With an Axe. 

Dad tells the story of a guy he knew who kept getting caught for writing bad checks. He was such a big guy he wouldn't fit in the police car so they would just meet him at the magistrate office and write him tickets. (I know, some trust) but a year or so after this kept happening, he got a call that there was a domestic dispute at the house. So they rush over there and he's got an axe in his hand sitting on the front porch all bloody.

They approach and tell him to put the axe down which he does and proceeded to tell them that his wife is in the bathtub, or at least her head is. But guy was completely open and cooperative, didn't run or anything. Asked if he could meet them at the magistrate office and dad was like yeah nah dawg you're gonna have to get in the car this time.

xfilesarereal

I was in shock....

While serving in South Korea, my team was on patrol in the local drinking village when we heard someone drunkenly singing the US national anthem. At a loss for where this individual was, we finally looked up and there he was.... tight rope walking on the ledge of a building 3 stories up. This is when precision of language is of vital importance...especially when dealing with a drunk. The sergeant on scene said, "Hey, come down here!" The drunkard said, "On my way!" And proceeded to step off.

Under the impression I was about to witness my first death, I was in shock. Through some bit of weird luck/science, he glanced the hood of a slightly misted Daewoo truck and slid down to the ground. We ran over to him and he said, "Hey guys, how's it going?" He had open fractures on both femurs and after some makeshift splinting and controlling the bleeding, he was transported to the nearest hospital. Soju is a hell of a thing. Reddit

"I'm not crazy!"

Giphy

Definitely the time that an older, mentally ill woman tried to burn her house down because she believed that was the only way to disarm the atom bomb in her attic. I got her to walk with me to my car and get in the back by telling her it was the only place she'd be safe. When I got in and started driving, she started yelling that I couldn't take her to jail because she hadn't done anything wrong.

I calmly informed her that we were going to the hospital, which prompted even louder yelling of, "I'm not crazy!" I replied, "I don't think you're crazy." She screamed, "Then why are you taking me to the hospital?!" I told her, "Well, you were next to that atom bomb, right? We gotta get you checked for radiation poisoning." Her eyes got wide and she said, "Oh crap! I didn't think about that, you better hurry!"

Wolfhound1142

For you Rookie. 

First time my brother arrested someone was really funny. He and his training officer were working the graveyard shift and got a call for suspicious activity at a house. They arrive and the homeowner says they're is someone sneaking around his house that shouldn't be there. So they start looking around with their flashlights, grass is really overgrown in the backyard and my brother notice one of those Fisher Price kid's car (yellow & red plastic car) moving on its own. They found their guy, naked and high AF trying to hide under the kids toy and crawl away. Training officer says,"Well, he's your's rookie", had my brother cuff him (guy didn't want to go to jail and put up a naked fight) and take the guy to jail. j2142b

In a bunny suit....

Attended a structural fire in a downtown high rise. Was tasked with evacuating local residents in case the building collapsed.

Third house I went to, the guy answers in a full bunny suit with gas mask propped up in his head. English wasn't his first language, and as I was trying to communicate that he needed to evacuate, it became clear he was running a meth lab inside. Arrested Asian Walter White, and then had to sit in the shadow of the structure fire keeping eyes on the house while waiting for CLEAR (clandestine lab) team to show up.

In that time fire trucks basically surrounded my vehicle so I couldn't move it, even after CLEAR team moved in. Walter had his lawyer call in my pc, and it was about 10 hours before we could head back to cells. I've never had to pee so badly in my life. Philosorunner

Situations.... 

Former PO, I'll try not to make this long: Early morning about 1 hour before I had to end my shift, dispatch said to go lights and sirens to an address. A pit bull was actively mauling an elderly woman. I get there and the woman is practically hanging on to life, blood all over the home. I tased the dog, twice before it responded. A K-9 unit had a muzzle and a strong leash. Dog was eventually put down, woman survived.

Second situation was an active shooter with officer down. It was a real crap show. Dude was off his rocker, shot at a fellow officer. This officer ended up retiring after this, but I and many others thought he was dead.

Third situation. I respond to domestic violence call, shootout with husband, he shoots me 3x and all 3 hit my vest. This was about 6 months after the second situation. I ended my police career after this. KingNebby

"ghost"

Giphy

I know a guy, who was a cop in Texas when I was in middle school. He told me about this one time this woman called 911 because her house was haunted. He preceded to put handcuffs on an invisible "ghost" and acted like he was putting it in the police car. austingarrett

REDDIT

People Explain What Caused Them To Finally Stop Giving A F**k

Reddit user 33-9 asked: 'What age did you stop giving a f**k and what situation triggered it?'

Woman at peace with her hand over her heart
Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

Let's be honest: We're all human here, and we all have our limits for how much we can take.

At some point, something will happen where we'll say, "That's it! I'm out!" But for some people, there will be something that will happen that will lead them to feel that way about... everything.

Curious how others felt, Redditor 33-9 asked:

"What age did you stop giving a f**k, and what situation triggered it?"

An Eye-Opening Moment

"Age 56."

"I had a heart attack with greater than 95 percent blockage. I was a dead man walking."

"Every day is a gift now. I refuse to get stressed."

- graibeard

Putting Themselves First

"Age 37."

"I finally pulled my head out of my @ss and realized that I need to put me first, and not be concerned about what others think of the things I say or do."

"All relationships with others are voluntary and conditional, so don't sacrifice yourself to preserve any of them."

"For context, I am currently 37."

- Macbookaroniandchez

Life-Risking Priorities

"Age 16."

"I overdosed at a kickback, and nobody called for help because they were scared of getting in trouble, making it clear that, ultimately, nobody gives a f**k about you or anything you do! They only care about themselves!"

- angelicaaf

Never the Same Again

"Age 24."

"My dad died, and I stopped caring about anyone’s opinion of me and my life after he passed."

- littlegremlinsparky

No Growth Mindset

"The biggest thing for me is people seeing you in the same light forever despite any changes or personal growth. It makes it difficult to actually take their opinion seriously."

- avidpretender

No Work-Life Balance

"Age 24…"

"My boss at the time asked me if I was coming into work the day after I had an emergency major abdominal surgery."

"I quit the day I was released by doctors to come back."

- TheWhiteSheep3

A Very Sci-Fi Take

"I had the strange epiphany at 24 or 25 years old that everyone I encounter on a daily basis is just a meat suit that’s gonna die someday. Including mine. I drastically stopped giving a f**k about what people thought about me and my life after that."

- Ahungryhippopotamus

On the Bonus Level

"Age 58."

"I got the virus during the pandemic. I was in the hospital for 85 days. The doctors told my brother to prepare for my death."

"I'm living my bonus life. I did a lot of traveling the year after when I regained most of my health. I still get winded easily. I don't worry what strangers think when I dress like a slob. I don't let comments from strangers online bother me anymore."

"I'm direct with friends when they disrespect me rather than fret about it. I'm trying to be more kind and patient with others."

"A positive attitude helped me overcome that virus."

- Adventurous-Sell9358

Cannot Keep Up the Charade

"It's hard to pin down because it happened so gradually. I can say that I was in my 40s when I started losing my ability to pretend to give a f**k, though."

- Salarian_American

A Coping Mechanism

"Like, I don't know, maybe 10 or 11 years old."

"As soon as I moved on from primary school, my mom doubled down on controlling everything about me and forced me to do all this work and sign on for s**t I didn't want to participate in, and I used apathy as a coping mechanism and haven't looked back since."

"Since she punished me for everything I did, I might as well become immune to the punishment and everything else along with it."

- 4rtiphi5hal

Prioritizing the Baby's Happiness

​"When I had my baby."

"I’d never wear a one-piece because I thought I wouldn’t look nice, but then I took her swimming and wore it, and I didn’t give a s**t because the swimming made her happy."

"I didn’t smile too much before because of my teeth, but I do now constantly because my smiling makes her smile."

"A lot of things I used to be self-conscious about, I don’t have the time or worry for."

- MaccasDriveThru

Imposter Syndrome: Over

"Age 48."

"I gave a talk at a conference, and all my imposter syndrome evaporated. And since then, I have no f**ks left to give. Just doing my thing."

- flamingofast

Them Against the World

"Three days ago. I got married."

"I worried too much about the wedding and the people in it but in the middle of it, I was just focusing on my wife being happy, so I gave no f**ks about what other people thought."

"It was our day, and I'm keeping this mentality up forever. It's her and me. That's it."

- CaseVirtual

No F**ks From Birth

"I don't know if I ever gave a f**k. I’m a very no f**ks person."

"I think my mom tells this story when I was five, I said something like, 'Why does that matter? We all gonna die anyway.' She was kind of concerned that her five-year-old looked at life that way."

"However, life is too short to give any f**ks."

- MadamFutureWhatEver

Just Not Worth It

"Various points between ages 17 and 19."

"People around me would criticize me for the dumbest things and/or things they also did, and I realized that for all the things they do to make my life harder, I only bent further backward to avoid problems."

"I could use some restored faith in humanity. But for now, while I look for that, if someone wants to mess with me, they have proven themselves unworthy of my energy. Screw them and their screwed-up, self-centered worldviews."

"Maybe someday I’ll find some genuinely good people who don’t give me panic attacks or cross boundaries on purpose. They have to be out there. I hope I can find them."

- AutisticAcademic

We've all had those moments of feeling like, "I have no f**ks left to give," but in some cases, it can feel like that applies to literally everything.

We can totally understand how these Redditors saw these as turning moments, and for many of them, it was overwhelmingly for the better.

Have you ever had a similar epiphany? Let us know in the comments below.

People Share The Weirdest Thing They've Done With Their Brains On Autopilot
Photo by Hermes Rivera on Unsplash

Having a routine makes life easier, plain and simple. Things becomes second nature like grabbing a coffee from the same shop at the same time in the morning and reaching for the soap without looking in the shower. But when we rely on habits too much, things can get messy. From accidentally throwing your phone in the trash to blurting out incomplete thoughts, these face palm moments will have you rolling in laughter.

Missing in Action

silver key on black carPhoto by Ivan Shemereko on Unsplash

I was looking all over my house for my keys. Like, flipping over furniture, full-on panic hunting for these keys. Finally thought that I might have left them in the car. So I went outside, and realized that my car was locked. Purely out of habit, I automatically pulled my keys out of my pocket, unlocked the door, opened the door, and realized that I was a complete idiot.

Permalink

Got Me Bobbing

I washed an apple at the sink, dried it with a paper towel, turned, tossed the apple in the trash, and stood there holding the paper towel like a dummy.

optcynsejo

Rub a Duh, Duh

When I was six or seven years old, I was getting ready for a bath. My parents had already filled the tub with water and bubble bath mix, and all I had to do was take off my clothes and put them in the basket of dirty laundry. I took everything off and promptly threw it all in the soapy tub, instead of the hamper. I stood there and just stared at what I had done for a solid thirty seconds.

DeepBreathing4Me

Can’t Forget to Say Bye

I had to take a bus to work every day at about 4 AM. My wife usually drove me to the stop so that I didn't have to leave my car there for 14 hours. My wife's friend was staying with us while she looked for a job and house in the area. She was getting up early anyways, so she decided she’d take me and let my wife sleep.

When we got to the stop, I just instinctively leaned over and kissed her goodbye. Then I felt this jolt of panic as I realized what I had done. My poor wife's friend had a dumbfounded look on her face, and I instantly turned red as I apologized profusely and said "Sorry, it was a habit." My wife poked fun at me for days for putting the moves on her friend.

LegendOfBobbyTables

Just Grazing By

When my daughter was very young, she loved trains. So, I'd take her on short train rides whenever I could. She couldn't get enough. Part of the routine was that, when we were on the train, we'd look out the windows and I'd point out the animals to her. I got some weird British alarmed looks that time I pointed out of the window and loudly said, "Look! Moo cows!" when I was on the train by myself.

MogadonMandy

Going Off Script

red and yellow love neon light signagePhoto by Eduardo Soares on Unsplash

I used to work for Comcast in their call center. I worked 3 PM-12 AM, so the only thing that was open when I would finish work was McDonald's. During the holidays, there’s unlimited overtime. I, being 19 and having no obligations at the time, decided to work non-stop until I fell down at my desk. One year, I worked three days straight.

I took my mandatory breaks every couple of hours and napped in the lunch room here and there. Finally, I decided I'd had enough at around 2 AM one morning. I stopped at the McDonald's drive thru because I wanted something hot to eat. Up to this point, I had subsisted on mints and packs of crackers from a vending machine.

The conversation at the window went something like this, “go ahead and order when you're ready,” the lady told me. I went, “Thanks for calling Comcast, home of the triple play. My name is so-and-so, how can I assist you today?” Then there was a very long, awkward pause. I ended up sleeping in the parking lot of that McDonalds.

I spent about the next 12 hours in my car. The manager eventually knocked on my window and asked me if I was homeless and if I needed to come in and warm up.

Not My Stop

I’m an ex-bus driver, and many times on my way home from work, I would go to pull into a bus stop in my car...

Tink_650

Not Even Close

I was meeting my brother's in-laws for the first time. They asked me what my name was. I said, "Pete." My name is Tiffani.

tiffaniac

Not the Sharpest

I was working the backline at an Arby's WAY back in the day. We used to get our sub buns by the foot, but all the subs we sold were six inches. One day, when I was really tired, I literally reached into the bag, grabbed a sub roll, cut it in half, then put the knife back in the bag, and tried to cut another sandwich with the sub bun. The manager laughed.

boyvsfood2

Is This How You Do It

I was signing for a parcel on one of those electronic machine things that delivery drivers use. On this particular day, I wasn't paying any attention and ended up staring at the screen, zoning out for a full minute, then instead of signing my name, I just drew a straight line on the screen and handing it back. The mailman was very confused.

b14nn

What Comes Out Must Go In

I was woken up at 3:30 in the morning for a random substance test for baseball last semester. After I peed in the cup, I was so tired and on such intense autopilot that I did something disgusting. I mindlessly drank my own pee cup. I don't know why, but I did it. Luckily, I was so tired that I didn't register the taste, and there was still enough in the cup to test.

7-car-pileup

Need for Safety

I went to the cinema to watch the new James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace. I was running a little late so I missed the previews and walked in to find that the movie had already begun. There was a furious car chase on screen when I arrived. After I found a seat and sat down, I instinctively tried to find my seatbelt so I could buckle up.

TocTheElder

Making It Fit

I poured milk into my baby's bottle then, since it was, like, four in the morning, I tried to hear the full milk carton in the microwave, instead of the bottle. The carton was way too big but instead of realizing I had the wrong thing, I just got angry that it wasn't fitting. I only stopped trying because my husband was there watching and he start laughing.

BananaVanillaLatte

All Good Things Come to an End

I woke up without an alarm, had breakfast, took a bath, and drove half hour to my work feeling great. I even thought to myself on the way, "Lucky me, the traffic is very nice today." Just when I arrived, the security greeted me with the worst words possible: "Good morning, sir, working even over the holiday?" I drove all the way home and had a nap.

kairosaevum

Catching Up

I’m always running to catch the subway after waiting at the crosswalk in front of the station. Once, I was casually walking with my friend in the same area and then started running when the cross sign lit up. He had no idea what was happening.

LosingLungs

I’m Home!

man sitting inside carPhoto by Ani Kolleshi on Unsplash

I drove home from Phoenix to Prescott. I got all the way to my old driveway before remembering that I had moved to Flagstaff about a month prior.

lunchladyshand

Everything Has Its Place

I tried to put the cat into the tool drawer and then almost put the poor thing into the fridge 30 seconds later.

psychgamer2014

Something’s Not Working

I stopped at a stop sign and waited at least a minute and a half for it to turn green.

Permalink

Just Gonna Take That

I went to the grocery store, packed everything in my backpack at the self check-out, and went home. As soon as I got home, I remembered that I never actually paid. When I made the realization that I hadn’t paid, I went back, swiped my card at the self check-out, and ended my transaction. Nobody had even noticed it happened.

YethFaru

Habits of an Old Man

I've worked as a caregiver for adults with mental and physical disabilities for over a decade. I do basic care helping adult men do daily activities like shaving, buttoning shirts, and so on. On a date, I was a bit buzzed, so I started to fix my date's shirt and told him he needed to look in the mirror to see if he wanted a shave.

parentaccount1143

I Know What That Means

dried leaves and stones on train tracksPhoto by @felipepelaquim on Unsplash

I work on a train. On the railroad, you can get verbal permission to pass a red signal or flag either from the dispatcher or the employee who’d put the red flag there. You cannot under any circumstances pass a blue light or flag because that protects employees working on/under/between rolling stock beyond the blue signal from any danger.

Driving home in the car late one night, I decided to take a shortcut through the local university. I went around a corner and saw a blue light marking a call station. My immediate conclusion was, “Shoot, can’t go that way.”

CatHerder237

Practicing Healthy Habits

I work with preschoolers, and we sing songs to help them wash their hands. I started singing the same song when I went out with some friends to a bar and needed to go to the bathroom. The other lady in the restroom gave me the weirdest look...

superpie5

Looks Right to Me

I was getting my car out of the parking lot and heading back home after a long day. Shortly after I started driving, I passed by a car that was identical to mine and thought, "Cool, I found my car." Nope. I was so wrong. I got out my car (which I had already found) and went to get into a stranger's car, thinking I'd discovered my own vehicle. Halfway through, I realized what I was doing and looked around hoping nobody saw.

xgonegiveit2ya

Day Droning

I was sitting in math class one day, and I was just humming to myself while the teacher was explaining something on the board. She went to turn off the projector, which was beside my desk. Then, still standing next to me, she gave me this strange look and asked me, "Is something wrong?" I had been very deep in thought.

So much so, that I had lost the tune but kept humming, so I was now just humming a long, low "hmm" without any change in pitch. So, yeah, that was embarrassing.

DeepBreathing4Me

Slack Jaws

Sometimes in the shower, I fill my mouth with water, and just let it pour out. One day, before work, I was brushing my teeth and standing in the bathroom fully dressed in my work clothes. But my brain thought I was in the shower, so I just let the toothpaste pour slowly out of my mouth and onto my outfit. Now my boyfriend warns me not to "drool toothpaste" all over myself.

Squeakies

Been Here, Done That

cooked foodPhoto by Eiliv Aceron on Unsplash

I lived in the same house for 16 years before I moved. Years later, I did a bit of summer work as a construction worker on the house where I used to live. When I came in the first day, it was like traveling back in time. I mindlessly did what I always did when I lived there. I waltzed into the kitchen during the family’s breakfast, opened the fridge, and looked for something to eat.

I came to myself and looked up. The family was staring at me with their jaws dropped. Like, the breakfast table forks were paused in mid-air at this unknown construction worker making himself right at home. I was so embarrassed. I backed out stammering the whole time and trying to have them understand, “I used to live here.” I was not allowed inside again.

supertucci

Worn Out

I went to the doctor's office, took off my sweater for a flu shot, and realized my t-shirt was on inside out. I got home, took off my t-shirt, and realized my bra was inside out.

Permalink

Which Is Which

I work with both a phone and radio at work and have answered my phone with, "base, go ahead," and my radio with, "Lincoln county Transit." I have also had my radio go off and picked up my to-go cup of coffee and used it to try and respond. I use a straw with my coffee, and in my half-awake mind, I thought it was the antenna.

welpreallynotsurenow

Losing the Scruff

I started to trim my beard and didn't see that the guard was off. A huge swath of beard was gone in one swipe. My two-year-old still refers to me during the beardless months as "Creepy Daddy." I am not allowed to shave it off again.

Polar_Ted

Excels in Observation

I have two kids and am in the habit of pointing out things I think they’ll like such as rainbows, the moon, nice dogs, and stuff like that. One day at work, I turned to a young male childless colleague and said, “Oh, look over there, a kitty cat!!” He gave me a weird look and stopped making small talk with me after that.

niapattenlooks

Two Strikes Against

five orange fruits and one black smartphone on waterPhoto by Khiet Tam on Unsplash

I put my phone under the faucet to fill up my water bottle. I recognized my mistake. And then I did it again.

Nobody_Likes_Shy_Guy

What Are You Yelling About?

I work as a housekeeper, and when we knock on doors, we yell, “Housekeeping,” and when we throw laundry down the chute, we yell, “Heads,” for those below to mind their heads. One day, I knocked on a door and loudly yelled, “Heads!” Later that day, the back of my mind remembered my mistake and made sure to “Correct it.” Unfortunately, I underestimated my own stupidity.

I over-corrected by stupidly yelling, “Housekeeping!" down the laundry chute.

Sadye_Lady

I Meant to Do That

Once, I ate pizza at a friend's house and, out of habit, threw the crust on the floor for the dog. Those friends didn't have a dog.

Catsrecliner1

Can’t Forget to Mention

"Here you go, if you need anything else, just let me know,” I said as I graciously put down the plate with food I cooked for the only person in the room. Me.

Permalink

Dude, Where’s My Car?

I got my license at age 25 after moving from the city to a tiny town. I was so used to walking everywhere that one day I drove somewhere, forgot I’d driven, and walked back to work. I finished work and thought, “Oh, my car’s not there, must have walked in today,” so I walked home. I got home, and the car was not there.

So, I thought, “Oh, must’ve left it at mom’s,” but it wasn’t there, nor was it at the shops or the pool. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone if they had seen it and had absolutely no idea where I’d left it, so I just kept walking everywhere for three or four days. Eventually, my housemate saw it and asked if I was ever picking it up.

indienial

Changing Behaviors

macro shot of yellow train hanging handlesPhoto by Jad Limcaco on Unsplash

I've been working with children for seven years. When I'm really distracted, I go into teacher mode. If I'm traveling with people, I'll count them on and off public transport, offer everyone water and snacks if I have them, and tell complete strangers to "use your walking feet/inside voice" if they're running or shouting.

Permalink

Why Did You Do That?

I was talking to my boyfriend while he was eating a sandwich. Mid-sentence, he ripped a piece off and threw it at my face. He looked stunned when I didn't open my mouth and catch it. We have a dog who begs for food at the table all the time. When we realized that my boyfriend had accidentally forgotten I was a human woman and not a dog, we both nearly peed laughing.

Bunnyjets

I Guess I’m Up Now

I woke up, automatically got out of bed, got dressed, brushed my teeth, packed up my backpack, headed out of my dorm, and happened to glance at the clock in the lounge. Then the other shoe dropped. It was 1:30 AM.

Permalink

Thrown to the Wolves

My dog's favorite part of the day is dinner time. I pull out her food and get a scoop of kibble; she starts wagging and doing the tippy-taps. One day, instead of going to her bowl, I dumped the full scoop into the trash can. She just looked at me with the saddest eyes. I felt so terrible, so she got extra food and pets.

ChaoticRift

Power Up

At the gym, there is an arm curl machine. Typically, I do a heavy amount, but that day I was tired and pretty brain fried. As I used the machine, I didn’t realize that there was no weight on it, and I tried curling it with effort as normal. I ended up slamming myself in the head with the bar. Everybody in the building saw.

Kiedgendary

No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service

people sitting on chair inside buildingPhoto by Phil Mosley on Unsplash

For this to make sense, you need to know that I always take my shirt off after my shoes when I get undressed. So, there I was at around 4:30 in the morning heading through security to fly across the country for a festival. I was nowhere close to awake and running on autopilot. I was throwing my stuff on the conveyor, taking my shoes off, and then automatically started to take my shirt off.

The very attractive TSA lady was like, "Slow down, sir, we just met." I didn't know they came with a sense of humor.

FragsturBait

Uncommon Phrases

I came into work at the front of house after several extended nights of profound insomnia. I was holding up ok until a gal walked in with a dog in her arms. I always chat with people about their dogs because people love to talk about their dogs and often tip a little more when they feel like they’ve connected with you. Looking back, this was a mistake.

I didn't have two neurons to rub together to break from the script of, "Hey, what can I get you,” “Here is your total,” and, “Would you like a receipt?" I leaned over the counter, locked my sleep-starved, unfocused, googly eyes on this poor woman, and blurted out, “Your dog. Who is he?" and then expectantly stared at her.

I stared like it was a normal and not at all insane thing that I just kind of word-vomited at her. She kind of stared at me and clutched her dog a little closer, and I think I probably went a little cross-eyed and tried to salvage the conversation by talking more. I don't remember what I said, but it was not an improvement.

SunOnTheInside

Don’t Throw the Baby Out with the Bath Water

I went to check the mail, grabbed my keys, and remembered, “Oh yeah! There’s garbage and recycling that needs to go out!” So I stopped at the mailbox, retrieved my mail, threw away the garbage, threw away the mail, and threw away my keys. A neighbor asked if I was going to need those. I kind of stopped, realized what I'd done, and mumbled, "Oh nooo."

SavageJeph

Getting Ready to Go

I started unbuttoning and unzipping my pants while I walked towards the toilet just like I do at home because I'm efficient like that. There was just one problem: I was not at home. I was at work. And I was walking through the shared office.

LadyGruntfuttock

Problems Saying Goodbye

This guy I had a HUGE crush on was leaving my apartment. He said something along the lines of, "All right, this was fun, I'll see you later on." I didn't feel capable of waving, so I did a weird circular motion with my arms, snapped both fingers into finger-pointers at him, and then winked. WHY?

comrade_julie

Did You Want Something?

group of person eating indoorsPhoto by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

As a teenager, I worked at McDonald's. My McDonald's was open 24 hours and, during the summer, I worked the overnight shift. My sleep schedule would get all messed up. My parents woke me up for dinner one evening. I zombie walked to the table and then sat there. My dad asked me to say grace. I bowed my head and tried my best.

I said, "Thank you for choosing McDonald's, may I take your order?"

arndta

Control Your Volume

I guess I listen to too many podcasts because I keep trying to pause work conference calls. I’ve also caught myself trying to increase my husband’s volume by pushing buttons on my phone while we’re in a room together having a conversation.

Janigiraffey

Are We Leaving Yet?

I had just finished getting my hair cut when I walked out of the salon to get into my car. I got into the back seat and sat there for a full minute before realizing that I drove myself there. Oh, but it gets worse. The salon had a glass storefront, and I was parked front and center. Everyone saw me have my epiphany moment and then humiliatingly get in the front seat to drive home.

jkotwa93

Official Protocol

I finally got a job as a consultant that I had been trying to get for years. It was just a position at our local grocery store, but the department was the best in town, so I was pumped. I was doing a great job and getting regulars at my tastings. One time, I hosted a tasting with a fairly expensive bottle of champagne.

I opened the bottle, and it started fizzing since it wasn't cooled enough yet, and my instant reaction was to start chugging it because that's what you do with soda. But this was not soda. It was much more expensive than soda, and I was chugging it in the middle of the sales floor while on the clock in a grocery store.

rshot

Here Come the Water Works

I had a deadline, and I was very sleep deprived. I drank a lot of coffee so I had to visit the washroom a lot. During one particular visit late at night, I went to wash my hands as usual but the tap wouldn't budge. I kept turning it, yet no water would come out. So, I did what other adults would do when that happens. I cried.

I called for someone to check it saying that I broke the tap in between gasps. My boyfriend walked to the sink and magically fixed the tap. I was turning it the wrong way.

ponyfart

Couple under the sheets
Womanizer Toys/Unsplash

Most people aim to have a perfect relationship.

But what does that exactly mean?

What is deemed "perfect" varies among couples. For some, it means a relationship is free of problems and that maintaining perpetual bliss is attainable if you're with the right person.

But there is one variable that can make or break relationships, and that is physical intimacy.

Curious to explore more about the significance of physical passion, Redditor iphonexmas asked:

"How important is sex for you in a relationship?"

It becomes a problem when it is a problem.

Perspective In Percentages

"If our sexlife is working well it’s 10% of the relationship. If it is not working it’s 90% of the relationships."

– Ingenja

"Good answer and very true in my experiences. When the sex is great and consistent, it's a non issue and something I don't even think of. It gets very apparent that something is wrong when it dies down considerably."

– NoEggplant6322

Contrasting Experiences

"I hadn't thought about it this way until now and it's incredibly true."

"I was in a relationship for 4 years where sex was a constant issue. I constantly craved and needed it. In a way I felt starved of intimacy and closeness with the woman I loved. I was beginning to wonder if she even found me attractive or if she even loved me at all. It really weighed on me in ways that I didn't expect. Sex became an all consuming thing in my life and eventually was part of what drove us apart."

"I'm now in a relationship where we have satisfying sex on a somewhat regular basis. We'll sometimes go several days without doing it but other days we can barely keep our hands off each other. In the end, I never feel unwanted or undesirable. Our sex life is a complete non-issue and I couldn't be happier. I don't obsess over it like I used to. I don't feel like I'm pressuring my partner and feel less disgusted with myself."

– itsthelittlethings69

Is It A "Me" Problem?

"I am literally going through exactly what youve described. It’s affected my mental health that much that I constantly go to the gym,eat as best as possible and even had a go on anabolics. My thoughts were She’ll find me attractive if I get in better shape,get bigger, more muscular."

"But no, nothing ever seemed to change,unfortunately that girl is just not attracted to me the same way as I am to her and it’s painful. What’s wrong with me?!🤷🏼♂️"

"I feel like I’ve got a Ferrari outside that I can’t drive. Yeah it’s nice to look at but the engine is missing."

"There’s only so many times over the years a man can hear the words 'no' before he gets fed up."

– beardedbateman

People like using metaphors.

Liquid Dreamz

"Well put. It's like water that way. If you're getting it regularly, then you can take it for granted. If you're not getting it regularly, then ... we have problems."

– Bizarre_Protuberance

Waiting To Exhale

"Sex is a lot like air. It's no big deal if you're getting it."

– MaximumZer0

"Sex is certainly not like sand."

– Nosferatatron

"I hate sand, it gets everywhere."

– luckylookinglurker

People learned from previous relationships where the lack of sex was an issue.

It's A Must

"Very important, my first relationship turned into a dead bedroom situation and for me that's a 'never again'."

– HotTortillaCheese

Realizing When It's Time To Move On

"Not OP, but I had the same situation. It was a 3 year relationship, and I started noticing it after the first year. It gradually got worse over the next 2 years."

"When I finally had sex again after the relationship, I was blown away. It was probably average sex, but it was just so bad in the prior relationship that it felt incredible."

"Both people need to actually enjoy getting the other person off. Once it becomes a chore, I don't think it can even be repaired. Sadly, you have to move on. But don't feel too bad. It's incredibly common. I was best friends with my ex. Everything seemed perfect. Well, almost everything. That's what made it so hard to have the conversation."

– HypnoticONE

Compatible In Every Other Way

"My partner is also my best friend and everything else is great. Like in every aspect of life we match so well except the bedroom. In the first year it was great but then not so much.. I'm so scared of ending this wonderful relationship solely because of the libido mismatch, but I feel like we've tried so much to save it and it isn't working sadly. Intensive therapy would be the last step."

"I fear I won't find somebody who is so compatible with me in every way ever again. Probably irrational but it's how I feel right now. So scared of letting this go."

"I've kind of lost the ability to look forward to sex? If you know what I mean. The rare time that it is about to happen, I just question it, eh it isn't going to happen or I cannot get into it. I feel like I'm somehow broken, my libido has gone down but I don't feel like it's natural, just a response to my partner's lower libido."

– StrawberryBuzz02

Mismatched Libido

"Sex in my marriage is down to maybe once or twice a month. This may be fine for my wife, but I’m a pretty horny guy. At the same time, at this point I’ve pretty much given up expecting sex. I just assume it’s not going to happen and maybe she’ll let me know when she wants it. The sex itself is pretty good, even if it’s usually nothing special in terms of how we do it."

"I recognize that giving birth to two kids and the stress of everyday life can play havoc on libido, so I don’t blame her (especially since she has chronic back problems). And for a year we also had houseguests that made sex even more difficult. Now they left. There’s just nothing I can do to my own libido, so I just satisfy myself privately when I can. Obviously not the same, but I’d rather get it over with than have my mind be filled with sex all day. It’s also difficult not to remember the early years of our relationship when we f'ked like rabbits. But I don’t want to bring it up and make her feel guilty"

– ChronoLegion2

For some, settling is better than separating.

Still In Love

"I've been married 20 years, the bedroom wasn't quite dead but I've remained HL while my spouse went from HL to LL gradually over a period of a decade or so. More recently, a mix of medical and other issues got in the way and we haven't had sex in nearly a year. Does it suck? Yes. Do we still love each other? Also yes."

"In my late 20s, I would have said I could never live in a committed, sexless relationship. But here I am, and while I'm not happy about that part of the relationship, I'm very happy with the person I picked."

– asmnqo

Based on the examples above, sex is very important and is key to having a fulfilling relationship.

If an individual is not feeling desirable or wanted by their significant other, it can be a motivator for them to seek satisfaction outside the relationship.

Also, the importance of sex in a relationship is just as important as communication. If neither party addresses the elephant in the room, it can breed resentment.

woman sitting on black chair in front of window with white curtains

Anthony Tran on Unsplash

*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.

There are a lot of old platitudes about familial bonds, mostly focused on preserving the relationship with relatives—especially immediate family—no matter what.

But public attitudes have shifted in part due to greater awareness of the harm caused by unhealthy relationships.

Now people discuss relationships with terms like gaslighting, toxic, emotional blackmail and going no/low contact.

The once taboo act of cutting family members out of your life has gained greater acceptance.

But what do the family members—especially parents—excised feel?

Keep reading...Show less