Chances are quite a few of you are/were Spongebob Squarepants fans. So you've likely seen the episode where Spongebob and Patrick "steal" a balloon and feel so guilty about it that they turn themselves in to the police - only to find out it was free balloon day and they turned themselves in for doing something perfectly legal.
That doesn't happen in the real world, though... right?
Reddit user Lockii asked:
Yeah it turns out it does actually happen - and the circumstances around it aren't always as funny as the free balloon day episode. In fact, they can sometimes be quite sad.
Burned Bridges
Had a drunk guy that burned his bridges with the temporary homeless shelter. Went to the hospital and got discharged and had no where to go. He kept telling me to take him to jail, but I didn't have a crime so I couldn't.
He got so pissed off because I had no other way to help him that he charged my coworker and wouldn't leave the property. I finally took him in for trespassing and assault.
Almost
I wasn't thrilled when I got a call from a grandmother saying that she almost, ALMOST left the oven on when going to Walmart for Christmas shopping. I politely told her that if no illegal trouble or acts were done then it was completely ok, She replied along the lines of "But it could've been very fatal, I should be arrested." I once again told her everything was alright and greeted her off.
Warrant Check
I once was in the office when someone came to the window and said he thought he had a warrant. We looked into it and found out that yes, he had a municipal warrant.
We went out and informed him that yes he had a warrant and we would take him in to custody. As we went to handcuff him he started to fight with us, with all of us ending on the ground. I was pretty baffled as to the whole situation.
Yes officer, I'd like to know if I need to be arrested but please don't arrest me if I do
Taking Pics
GiphyHad someone come to the front desk to "confess" that they had taken pics of a few kids on the bus, and got the stink eye from the kids' mom. Person was afraid Mom would call it in first and she'd be arrested for...something.
Pic taker was an elderly lady who liked the kids' shirts and wanted to buy some for her own Grandkids but knew she wouldn't remember what the shirts looked like. Karen was having none of grandma's explanation though.
A Non-Existent Cigarette
Somewhere there's a great video of two teenagers who took Datura (a legal plant that causes hallucinations) and ended up turning themselves in to the police station because they were tripping too hard and couldn't handle it.
The cops put them in their own room and monitored them with cameras.
They passed a non-existent cigarette back and forth for like an hour.
Dude... This Is Amsterdam
Dutch police here. I once stopped a couple of American tourists for some small traffic violation. Like most times with tourists I just wanted to explain the situation and send them off. However these guys were really nervous and sketchy. One guy kept looking like he was about to run and started sweating. When I was calling some info in I saw them whispering and trying to secretly pass something between each other behind their back from the corner of my eye. My first thought was that they were trying to hide some weapon or whatever. The way how they did it spooked me for some reason. So I quickly pushed them against the car and the situation went grim and serious fast.
But turned out he was trying to hide one joint. And I looked at him and was like... "dude... this is Amsterdam... are you stupid?"
- RCL_D
Imagined Enemies
My buddy was a paranoid schizophrenic and walked into a police station then demanded to be arrested in order to protect himself from his imagined enemies.
That's Tom
Sometimes when I was in college my friends and I would go walk around downtown. It was nearing Thanksgiving time and my friend Chris and I were walking past a Hotel that had a nice bar in it and decided to stop for a drink. As we passed the side of the building to get to the entrance where the bar is there was a man full on passed out in the bushes.
Chris and I both looked at each other and I know we thought the same thing because we both told each other "That guys dead!" We then walked into the Hotel where a local police officer was there for some other reason and we let him know about the guy in the bushes.
The police officer just sighed and said, "Yeah. That's Tom. He does this because he's homeless and wants us to take him to jail or the hospital so he'll have somewhere warm to sleep."
Red Light
GiphyHad a lady come into the lobby crying her eyes out because she thought she had ran a red light. Asked her if she actually did or not and she couldn't remember. She then proceeded to stick her hands out so I could cuff her. I had to explain. We don't arrest people for red light violations and even if she had she would've only gotten a ticket.
ER Security
I got arrested for reckless endangerment when I was 18. Went to court and worked something out where I chilled with the arresting officer at the hospital from 10p to like 3 a for 4 Friday nights. He had security for the ER during those times.
Homeless man came in and started saying his wife was there. He'd leave and come back proclaiming the same thing but couldn't answer any questions. Finally the cop was like, "Are you just looking for somewhere to sleep? Want be to just take you to jail? "
It was January. Homeless guy said yes. So they left.
"What is the most brutal insult you have ever received/given?"
Coming Through An Avatar Almost Makes It worse...
"This guy killed me on Rust and told me to put my kid to bed."
"He could hear her in the background, it was like 11 on a school night."
"He ganked me and then critiqued my parenting."- Intelligent-Bird6825
Nothing Hurts More Than The Truth...
"Mine was subtle."
"I went to the doctor because of my leg problem, he weighed me and said my BMI is too high and that I'm classed as slightly obese."
"I said [hmm isn't BMI supposed to be inaccurate because it doesn't account for muscle mass?'"
"Sorta tongue in cheek."
"Doctor looked at me and calmly said 'not in this case'."
"That hurt man, that hurt."- Flynnrah
Some Of The Greatest Music Was The Product Of Improvisation
"Musician here."
"After f*cking up a solo, the other guy said 'that was an interesting choice'."- Plus_Valuable4382
Zayn Malik GIFGiphyHe Opened That Door...
"My 15 year old niece lives with me and my wife, because her dad doesn’t have a job or a house."
"She got her first job and he starts telling her she’s too young to have a job."
"He says 'You’re too young to have a job'.”
"And she replied with 'You’re too old to not have one'.”
"I should probably clarify."
"She’s not a little smart mouthed teenager."
"She’s usually very respectful."
"It’s not like he lost his job a week ago and has been looking."
"In the 6 years I’ve known him he has worked one week, and before that nothing much different."
"He deserved what he got, and she deserves much more than what he has given her, and I hoped it would make him reevaluate his choices but so far no change."- Thomas-Garret
Practically A Compliment
"I got into a road rage argument with a guy and he called me 'A Mumford and Son lookin' bastard!'
"I must point out that I was neither wearing a waistcoat or playing a banjo at the time."
"I did have a beard though."- Amity75
mumford sons GIFGiphyWonder Where He Got That Attitude...
"Co-worker's kid was hanging around the job eating cookies."
"His dad tells him to offer cookies to others, points at me and says 'he likes cookies too'."
"The kid looks at his dad, then at me, and back at his dad and says 'he looks like he likes cookies'."
"I was devastated."- aLongHofer
Ironically, The Many Will Read This And Think "Meow"...
"I was talking to my mother-in-law when my wife's sister came in and exclaimed that my wife had just barked at her."
"Without thinking I said 'maybe she was just talking to you in a language you'd understand', luckily my mother-in-law burst out laughing."- kij101
When You Bring Parents Into The Mix...
"Some kid was picking on me throughout High School and one day he talked sh*t about me being adopted."
"Idk what came over me but my response was, 'a couple of very nice people paid money to raise me and your parents are probably regretting having you for free'.”- blazedout-cubscout
"I Know You Are, But What Am I?"
"I'm ugly."
"This made going to school pretty terrible."
"My one shining moment in all of those terrible years was when one of my bullies, who happened to be overweight, was harassing me at lunch."
"'You're not even a real girl'."
"'You're just a guy with t*ts', he said."
"'So are you', I replied."
"The silence before his posse broke down in uproarious laughter was so heavy, lmao."
"He never talked to me again."
"I just wanted to eat alone in peace and was just sick of rolling over."
"Even then, I'm so socially awkward I still don't know how I came up with my reply without missing a beat, but I've been riding that high ever since, 20 years later lol."
"I'll never be as cool as I was in that moment."- SuspiciousBowlOfSoup
Hit Them Where It Really Hurts
"True story."
"Since childhood I have been a massive fan of Eddie Van Halen."
"Beyond normal Fandom."
"I had told my girlfriend at the time that I could die a happy human if I had one of his used guitar picks."
"It became a joke for us over time."
"FF a couple of years."
"Bad break up."
"At the same VH show and some how she is in the 2nd row while I was in the 300 level."
"Run into her just outside the venue with all of my friends and she with all of hers."
"She looks at me and smiles as she takes one of Eddie's picks out of her pocket to hand it to me and with a disgusted look says 'here... Now you can die', and goes to hand me the pick."
"Stops midway and says "wait... I'd rather you live knowing I have it. And I don't give a sh*t about it'."
"I stood like a moron for minutes."
"Worst burn/insult I have ever received. 30 years later, and my friends still laugh at me over it."- ThaddeusWerner
Van Halen GIFGiphyPride Is A Sin...
"My mom never treated my kids very well."
"Not *bad*, but she wasn't really very loving towards them."
"Mom and I were talking about my oldest, who was ~18 at the time, and had been dating the same guy for a few years."
"Mom says, 'So what's going on with <daughter> and <boyfriend>? Are they going to get married?'"
"I say, 'I don't know. I mean, it's possible."
"Mom says, 'I just don't know that I'm ready to be a Great Grandmother'."
"'Well, you could always try being a good one, first'."- gogozrx
As much as we'd like to commend these people for their cleverness, tearing people down still isn't a very nice thing to do, no matter the circumstance.
Leaving one to wonder if they would be equally good at creating clever and thoughtful compliments...
Or if they would linger in memory as long as the insults do...
Redditor Casca_In_Red wanted to hear about how wishes and hopes have gone awry, so they asked:
"Have you ever gotten 'monkey's pawed' (gotten something you deeply wished for but it came with unintended consequences) and if so, how?"
Life is consequence and in the end... nothing is free.
Sad Finances
Pay Day Money GIFGiphy"I wished for the money to pay off my car and all my bills, I got the money when my brother died and left me money in his will."
gh234ip
"Same for me. Wished my house would get paid off and then got the money after both my parents died within months of each other."
chi-woo
Let's Go Out
"Wished I could stay at home all day with my cats. Boom, on dialysis with stage 5 kidney failure. I did work 2 more years before going on disability and then I was too sick to enjoy much about being home, but I still got what I wished for. (I'm doing much better now and still stay home with the cats because now I work from home. It'd be nice if I had enough money not to work but I think I've tempted fate enough)."
auntiepink007
Whoops
"In January of 2020, I was overwhelmed with everything in my life and wished for the world to pause for a couple of weeks so I could get my crap figured out. And uh well sorry everyone."
Dropped_Rock
"Scrolling through the comments makes me think COVID was caused by a massive collective wish for a break from work. Like, our entire species consisting mostly of overworked poor sods entered some kind of hive-mind state wanting a break so desperately that evolution said 'You know what? Here, have this!'"
Ser_Optimus
"Same here. When I saw that animal crossing was coming out for the switch, I told my manager I was gonna need a 2 month paid break to play the game as a joke. My manager texted me during lockdown and asked if I was enjoying the game."
CatsandPotatoes
Sacrificing Others
"I got promoted. Something I wanted for a while. I went to go tell a colleague and his desk was being emptied. In order to promote me they let go of him. he hadn't been performing as well... they could have kept both of us but since I asked for the promotion, in order to keep me they canned them."
"It was devastating for him but I never told him what they told me. I just lived with it and let him rant. I lost touch after a while but I don't think he ever put two and two together. I knew because I had asked. For a while, I felt a lot of guilt but it faded. Not my call."
Nonbinary_Tea
CEO Problems
Sad The End GIF by HollyoaksGiphy"Wanted to start a successful company. I did it and lost the love of my life because I was never home."
ruralexcursion
Work takes WORK.
They never tell you how much sacrifice comes along with it.
No Fun
mad homer simpson GIFGiphy"When I was a kid, I just wanted to be an adult so I could do adult things. Am an adult. It's exhausting. My back hurts."
netwolf420
January 2020...
"In January 2020 my wife was diagnosed with Stage III cancer. She was obviously upset, and one thing she was really sad about was having to miss out on social gatherings and work conferences while she underwent chemo and healed up. Fast forward a couple of months and, well, turns out the whole world missed out on all that, too."
"She’s still getting treatment and trying to keep the disease under control. It hasn’t been an easy 3+ years, but our family has been able to enjoy a lot of moments together since the initial diagnosis, and we hope there’s still more to come."
12345_PIZZA
A needed intervening...
"Back in early 2020, I realized I'd misread some dates and had a family vacation planned at the same time I had an evaluation for a university that I had to be there in person for. The vacation was extremely important to me since it was likely it might be the last I could ever go on with my mother. I spent about a week agonizing over it, wishing for some grand intervention that would get me out of the evaluation. Anyways, my wish was granted when my country went into hard lockdown because of Covid. Whoops."
medievalsl*t
Wrong Move
"Wanted this promotion at work to a management-level position. Got it and hated it. The amount of sh*t you have to deal with from coworkers wasn't worth it. Like you kind of have an idea of who's who in the office before, but then you get a veil lifted and you get clued in on a lot of things."
"Like, who's a good worker, who's a complete slacker but still employed b/c of connections, or who has to have some flexible time off b/c they're going thru some substance use issues., etc. Also, the bottom 10% of workers give you like 90% of the trouble."
chewytime
Oh My
Future of the DamnedGiphy"Wished for a girlfriend who was always in the mood. Got that but she wanted it more often than me and got really upset when I couldn’t perform. So then I wished for a break and she died. Also wished my job was remote, and then Covid happened."
bumscicle
Well the phrase "Be careful what you wish for" has never felt scarier.
The grass isn't always greener.
Lesson learned.
