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Police Officers Share The Craziest Things They've Ever Entered Into Evidence

Reading these, I can't help but notice myself holding things, or carrying them in my backpack, and REALLY hoping I don't get arrested and have all my belongings put in separate bags and saved forever.


Plenty of people did get caught, though. And they got caught with really weird stuff.

But nearly as strange as the items themselves are the absurd means police officers have to use to save them in the evidence room. Not everything fits in a zip lock bag. Actually, most things certainly do not.

u/carlos_6m asked, "Police officers of Reddit: when collecting evidence, what has been the biggest moment of 'how the hell is this bagged for evidence?'''

At Least it's Got FM

A dash for an early 90s Honda Civic. It wasn't bagged. It was brought in as is.

u/DeterminedLogic99

"Drive Slow, Those are Antiques"

Im not a cop but me and a friend got caught with 3 bongs in his car once. One was about 6in one was about a foot tall and the 3rd was about 4 feet tall. The biggest one they put in a bag, then put a bag over the top and it still had about a foot in the middle uncovered. Was quite comical to see them lined up on the trunk.

u/2slowforanewname

A Feat of Engineering

Definitely the improv spear from last week. Guy shanked his brother in law with a kitchen knife duct taped to a 1.5 metre long wooden pole... which also had razorblades embedded in it, cuz why not

u/pocketn3rd

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Here's Hoping it Didn't Have a Bad Wheel

Shopping cart overfilled with items. Trash bagged the top to keep items in place, On night shift, late at night had trainee hold onto cart out of the passenger window and slow rolled to department, swapped between that and him pushing it while I followed behind him both with back emergency lights on.

u/Sportmotor

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Bag EVERYTHING

I was an evidence clerk for a few years. Each morning, myself and the evidence officer would go though the night's submissions to enter them in the computer with their matching case number.

He picked up one item, opened it up, and immediately jumped out of his chair screaming. I jumped up and ran, too. When an officer runs, run!

He was super angry, and went stomping down the hall to the sergeant's office. I tagged along and learned that item was a large sex toy - recovered from inside a male arrestee. That man had apparently been driving along, when he was stopped for an infraction. He was acting nervous, so the arresting officer had him exit the vehicle for a search. This item was discovered protruding from his backside.

u/WallflowersAreCool2

A Slight Privacy Breach

There were the weirdly sticky love crayon artworks a 15 year old made for her 25 year old boyfriend

u/Zaldarr

Going Out With a Bang

I think my colleague recently came across someone who had stole all the xmas chocolate from local supermarkets and there were tubs upon tubs of roses and quality street chocs it literally filled the evidence room.

u/ilikecocktails

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No Problem at All

I sent a massive statue for fingerprinting in its custom packing crate, it was easy; we just needed forklift and truck ... and plenty of help.

u/Thatcsibloke

"Excuse Me, Sergeant, But Where is the Stable?"

I've always found the hardest thing to take as evidence is living animals; I have had horses on two occasions.

u/Thatcsibloke

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college

processed mock crime scene as part of a college course, found and bagged a used condom that was not planted there by the course's teaching assistants

u/pikachu4919

Gia Carangi took the modelling industry by storm with her fearless, androgynous look and risk-taking sensibilities. Although she is widely considered to be the first supermodel, her early exposure to substances derailed her career right at the peak of her success. Gia's story is a cautionary tale—one of heartbreak and regret—and it only ends in tragedy.

1. She Came From A Broken Family

Born January 29, 1960, Gia Carangi had it rough right from the get-go. Her home life was violent and unstable, and when she was only 11 years old, her mother walked out on the family. After that, Gia didn't see her mother for years. She spent her youth in Philadelphia, working at her father's small restaurant and trying to forget her yearning for a maternal figure.

But this sense of loss never went away.

2. She Marched To The Beat Of Her Own Drum

Gia found other meaningful connections in her friendships and was shamelessly open with her feelings. She often declared intentions of friendship with floral bouquets. No flowers for the boys though! Gia was all about the ladies. In high school, she pivoted from platonic girl crushes and began frequenting gay clubs, subverting gender norms every chance she got.

However, Gia did have time for one man, and one man only—her idol, David Bowie.

3. She Looked Up To A Legend

Gia and her friends obsessed over Bowie's glam style, bisexuality, and playful gender subversion. Taking cues from the legendary musician, Gia adopted an androgynous style. She wore men’s clothes—army pants and combat boots–and kept her hair cropped short and brightly dyed. But that wan't all. Gia was a barefaced beauty all the way through and never wore a stitch of makeup.

While out at the clubs, she definitely stood out from the crowd.

4. She Stood Out From The Crowd

Everyone noticed Gia—it was hard not to. She was a hip vision in her thrifted vintage wardrobe of men’s castoffs, and her signature style was a striking contrast to her unadorned natural beauty. Instantly captivated by Gia at a club she frequented, a local shutterbug, Maurice Tannenbaum, asked to take her photograph on the dance floor. Before long, bold, confident, and self-assured Gia began to model in local advertisements.

But that wasn't all the nightclubs had to offer.

5. She Was Gay and Proud

LGBT banner lotPhoto by Teddy O on Unsplash

When she was only 15 years old, Gia partied at the gay club DCA and set her eyes on a short and beautiful blonde girl named Sharon Beverly. She'd actually briefly dated Beverly's brother, but in the end, her overwhelming attraction to Beverly won out. However, there was one caveat—Beverly was quite a bit older than Gia and it was about to get her in a lot of trouble.

6. She Was Too Young

Although Kathleen Sperr wasn't especially close to her daughter Gia, it didn't stop her from laying down the law. After finding out about Gia's lesbian romance with Sharon, she immediately called up Sharon's parents and warned them that their daughter was far too old to be hanging out with Gia. Of course, this never stopped Gia from pursuing what she wanted—whether it be a woman or a career or a bad decision.

7. She Took A Chance

With some exposure and experience, Gia decided to see how far she could get with modelling. Like many before her, Gia’s dreams and aspirations were bigger than the confines of her hometown. The bright lights and endless possibilities of New York City drew Gia to the pulsing metropolis. Only 17, and all on her own in an unfamiliar and strange city, Gia didn’t have to wait long before being discovered.

She soon met a woman who would not only be her agent, and mentor, but also a dear friend. This was the maternal figure she had been searching for all along.

8. She Was A Hit

When Gia met Wilhelmina Cooper, one of the most successful models of the 1960s, everything changed. Although Cooper’s career had been based on her icy, aristocratic look, she immediately recognized the edgy, blue-collar Gia as a new breed of model. After signing her on, Cooper took Gia under her wing, and before long, Gia herself had become a one-name wonder.

9. She Got Her First Big Break

The first major shoot Gia booked was so chaotic and iconic it’s still talked about to this day. In it, Gia climbed and posed against a chain link fence. And then she amped up the drama. She started shrugging out of her clothes, eventually shedding them all together. When another model joined her on set, the two of them took it to the next level.

10. She Was Obsessed With Her Makeup Artist

Sandy Says Goodbye on Vimeovimeo.com

On the day of her infamous photoshoot, Gia had two costars. The first round of shots were taken with Lisa Vales, but for the second round, the photographer wanted to do something more personal and asked the makeup artist, Sandy Linter, to step in. That's when the magic really started happening. She and Gia had unbelievable chemistry.

11. She Bared All

Together, Gia and Vales turned up the heat, sharing steamy smouldering gazes through the wire, with only the fence between them. It was risky and fearless, and absolutely successful. The pictures are now part of fashion history and still have tongues wagging to this day. More than that, the snaps launched Gia’s career into the stratosphere.

12. She Became The First Supermodel

The photos caused a sensation, and in a short time Gia established herself within the modelling world. She began working with top fashion houses including haute couture heavyweights Versace, Armani, and Saint Laurent. But that wasn't all. She also booked coveted jobs as a cover girl for Paris and American Vogue. As Gia’s star rapidly rose, there was one person she just couldn’t get out of her head.

13. She Shot Her Shot

The day after their steamy photoshoot, Gia put the moves on Linter, and asked her if she wanted a ride in her bright red sports car. Linter went along with it and soon after, things started getting serious. After her busy work days, 19-year-old Gia didn't want to spend the rest of her night alone in an empty apartment. With Linter, she found companionship—a balm to her ever growing sense of isolation.

14. She Fell In Love

Gia and Linter loved one another deeply and while Linter has since admitted that it wasn't a "torrid love affair," these two girls certainly shared a special connection. They spent most of their time together. There were flowers, restaurants, and wild nights out at the clubs, but most importantly, there was the mutual feeling of being understood.

But this comfortable relationship was never destined for "happily ever after."

15. She Was Intensely Lonely

Kathleen Remembers GIA on Vimeovimeo.com

People described Gina as a loner, but those closest to her claimed the opposite was true. When it came to her relationship with Linter, Gia always wanted more—more stability, more affection, and more time. Unfortunately, Linter just wasn’t able to give her any of this, and was hesitant to put labels on their relationship. Slowly but surely, Gia's constant need for attention doused any hope of a long-term commitment.

Without Linter and with the constant pressures of the modeling industry, Gia sought out other—more dangerous—coping mechanisms.

16. She Was A Casual User

Partygoers of the decadent disco era were nose candy enthusiasts, and the powder was ubiquitous in the night club culture that Gia adored. The hotspot club Studio 54 was a notorious place for using substances, and bumping lines off the closest mirror was commonplace with the party people crowd Gia ran with. This was a slippery slope, and Gia dove down it—head first.

17. She Was Oblivious

Of course, this underworld had sinister consequences. It was almost too easy for an unsuspecting user to snort a different substance by mistake...like say, if the substance was a white powder. Gia, like many others at the time, was sorely misinformed about it and believed that you couldn't get addicted unless under certain circumstances. As she soon learned, it was far more dangerous than she ever expected.

18. She Hit Her Peak

Amid the temptations of New York's nightlife, Gia was at the top of her game. To her delight, she participated in a rite of passage for A-list models, making a guest appearance in a music video. The band was Blondie, and as a huge fan, Gia cut across the dance floor, bobbing her head to the song "Atomic." With the music video and her unparalleled success, everything was going according to plan...

...But just as she was taking off, a tragedy struck.

19. She Lost Her Mentor

When Gia learned that her mentor Wilhelmina had been diagnosed with lung cancer, she felt her world crumbling around her. This powerful woman had acted as her center—her maternal figure and guiding light. At the tragically young age of 40, Wilhelmina succumbed to her illness, leaving Gia all alone. Devastated and grieving, the young model made a terrible mistake.

20. She Couldn't Keep It Together

white blue and orange medication pillPhoto by Myriam Zilles on Unsplash

With only two years of industry experience, Gia immediately began to falter without Wilhelmina's strong guidance and encouragement. Her depression drove her to self-medicate with the many substances available to her and it wasn't long before she disappeared into the grip of addiction. Of course, this self-destructive behavior didn't bode well for her blossoming career.

21. She Was A Diva

Even before her troubles with addiction began to have an impact on her work, Gia was a total diva. Her high-maintenance behavior was part and parcel of her edgy style that made her unique. But there was only so much people were willing to tolerate. She was notoriously hard to work with. And as her use only escalated, so did her difficult antics...

22. She Lost Control

Before substances, it wasn’t uncommon for Gia to wander off and ghost a set, or cancel work over a bad haircut, but under the influence, it only got worse. While on set, she started pulling vicious temper tantrums, and sometimes, she'd even abandon a job just to seek out a score.At an extremely low point, her overwhelming exhaustion had her falling asleep in front of the cameras. But that wasn't all.

23. She Became An Addict

Gia's addiction became so bad that in one of her datebooks she made it a top priority, scrawling the words, "Get heroine." Ugh! The grim misspelling is so multilayered. Gia, instead of continuing to be the hero of her own story became hopelessly enthralled by the narcotic that would doom her. As her addiction spiralled out of control, her peers and few friends began to see that Gia was on a crash course for disaster.

24. She Didn’t Have A Lot Of Friends

During this time, one of the few friends Gia had left was her ex-girlfriend Sandy Linter. Linter herself was no stranger to using in nightclubs, and at the time, had no idea how destructive it could be. But witnessing Gia's descent into addiction changed all that. She was shocked to discover that, at the vibrant age of 20, Gia had so little energy she could barely dress herself.

But the side effects of addiction didn't end there...

25. She Had Surgery

blue plastic tube with black stringPhoto by Raghavendra V. Konkathi on Unsplash

It’s fair to say that a model’s face and body is their brand and their product, and Gia certainly wasn’t careful with the merchandise. As she constantly shot up in the same spot, her habit caused an abscess and infection that damaged a vein and required her to undergo surgery. Still, the surgery didn't fix the problem, and soon, the constant injections became an even bigger issue.

26. She Had One Supporter

To her dismay, Gia's track marks soon became too noticeable to ignore. The scars and bruises marred her photos, and soon barely anybody wanted to work with her. Only one fashion photographer kept coming back to Gia. Francesco Scavullo, who had met Gia when she was just a teenager, stood by her. He had seen her potential from the get-go and supported her every step of the way.

But during a photoshoot in the Caribbean, even Scavullo couldn't deny that Gia needed some serious help.

27. She Needed Help

While shooting with Scavullo on location, Gia had a total breakdown. She couldn’t find any scores, and became tearful and unstable. Luckily, Scavullo stepped in like a guardian angel and calmed her down, forcing her to go to bed for some much-needed rest. Gia was circling the drain—rock bottom was just around the corner.

28. She Became A Terrible Client

During one of her last shoots for American Vogue, Gia’s track marks were highly noticeable. So visible, in fact, that they can be seen in the final pictures. No amount of airbrushing could conceal the unsightly scars and bruises. This damage coupled with her lax professionalism endangered her career, and Gia was steps away from being blacklisted.

29. She Jumped Ship

Wilhelmina as a company meant nothing to Gia without Cooper at the helm, and she left the agency to sign with competitor Ford Models. But her plan went horribly wrong. Ford Models dropped her almost immediately, and from there, Gia’s career quickly went downhill. But the fashion companies weren't the only ones to steer clear of Gia, and soon she found herself more alone than ever.

30. She Had Nobody

gia carangi by RedForeman https://flic.kr/p/5yJz8g | Flickrwww.flickr.com

As her work dried up, her fashion industry “friends” scattered like rats from a sinking ship, and even by some accounts her old bestie Sandy Linter wouldn’t talk to her anymore. She became so toxic that no one wanted her rep to rub off on them by association. Jobless, friendless, and completely consumed by her addiction—Gia knew it was time for a change.

31. She Upped And Left

Gia desperately needed a break to find some clarity and came up with a strategy to get her life back on track. She made a drastic decision and abandoned the temptations of New York, returning home to Philadelphia to stay with her mother and stepfather. More than anything, she wanted to get clean, and decided to try a 21-day detox program. Perhaps this was the answer to all her problems...

32. She Tried To Get Clean

After the detox program, Gia's sobriety seemed hopeful. But to everyone's dismay, the detox program didn't yield any long-lasting results. Not long after finishing the program, she relapsed...and she relapsed hard.In fact, she landed in some serious trouble. On one memorable occasion she incited a car chase with the authorities where she sped recklessly through the suburbs.

33. She Crashed And Burned

Just like her attempt at rehabilitation, her car chase antics ended in disappointment. She crashed into a fence and was taken into custody. There, they determined that she was indeed, extremely intoxicated and high as a kite. Resigned to her own dependencies, Gia tried to look for more work. But more than anything, she just wanted her old life back.

34. She Put On A Brave Face

In 1981, Gia had her first and only television appearance. Her 20/20 interview on ABC highlighted the darker side of the modelling world, but also gave Gia the chance to set the record straight. She hoped to show the world that she'd overcome her many demons, and was ready for a comeback. Nothing could be further from the truth.

35. She Lied On Television

person sitting in front bookshelfPhoto by Sam McGhee on Unsplash

Throughout the interview, Gia claimed that her life of using was over, and that she was completely clean. But her glazed look throughout the segment only proved that she was still using. Her empty claims had her lying through her teeth—so desperate was she for the industry to give her another chance. Then, later that year, something promising happened.

36. She Attempted A Comeback

In late 1981, Elite Model Management decided to give Gia the benefit of the doubt and signed her. But even then, finding work was a struggle. Because of her tarnished reputation, many companies refused to even consider working with her. No matter how hard she tried to leverage her past status, her comeback soon proved futile.

To add insult to injury, her very last photoshoot sadly mirrored the success of her first one—they were both infamous–but for very different reasons...

37. Her Photoshoot Was A Disaster

Gia's last magazine cover shoot was for Cosmopolitan in 1982. Behind the camera was none other than her tried and true friend—Francesco Scavullo. But not even his comforting presence could make this last project a success. One of Scavullo's assistants later reflected on Gia's dwindling health: "I could see the change in her beauty. There was an emptiness in her eyes."

Unsurprisingly, the photoshoot was a disaster.

38. She Hid Her Scars

The Cosmopolitan cover featured Gia with both her arms hidden by the full skirt of her dress. The awkward pose was the only solution to cover up how disfigured Gia's arms had become from her continued use of needles. After this disastrous shoot, Gia had no choice but to resort to modeling for department stores and catalogs. But even then, fate offered her another shot at redemption...

39. She Had One Last Chance

Despite her notoriously bad behavior, Gia was given one last miraculous chance. While doing mostly catalog work, she landed a gig with famed fashion photographer, Richard Avedon. But this wasn't just any gig—it was a campaign for the fashion house of Versace. For once in her life, this was one gig Gia couldn't afford to mess up.

40. She Played Hooky

aerial photo of brown concrete buildings under cloudy skyPhoto by Matthew Landers on Unsplash

After a hard night of partying, Sandy Linter remembers Gia in the morning light, sitting in the kitchen with the phone pressed to her ear. When Gia asked her whether she should go into work or not, Linter immediately responded with "Not if you feel the way I do!" In retrospect, this was a huge mistake. When she found out what it cost Gia to skip out on work, she wished she could take it all back.

41. She Missed Out

As a supermodel, missing one day of work means sacrificing a lot. When Gia took Lister's advice and played hooky, she missed out on a $5000 payoff and so much more. When she didn't show, the model Rosie Vela took her coveted position. She had effectively blown her very last chance in the modelling industry—and it was a very high price to pay.

42. She Hit Rock Bottom

After this debacle, Gia was effectively blacklisted: She was no longer able to book work with any major agency, and went at whiplash speed from a hot commodity to a pariah. Her job prospects dwindled down to nothing, and it was about to get very, very desperate. In her darkest hour, she had no choice but to scrape the very bottom of the barrel.

43. She Couldn't Keep A Job

Gia began her illustrious career posing for ads in her hometown paper, and things came full circle when she found herself doing catalog work for an obscure German mail-order company. But even that job was too much for her to manage. Gia used on set and, unwilling to tolerate this behavior, the company fired Gia and sent her home. But while this seemed like the end, the nightmare was only just beginning.

44. She Was Destitute

Gia's glamorous life in New York had come to an end, and having spent all her money, she was essentially homeless. She began dividing her time between her hometown of Philadelphia and Atlantic City, New Jersey while couch surfing among a handful of lovers, friends, and family members. After one last stab at rehab, she swallowed her pride and tried to find employment.

45. She Took A Job In The Real World

person in white shirt standing in front of foodPhoto by CDC on Unsplash

Gia tried her hand at a number of jobs. First she tried retail, and when that didn't work, she became a checkout clerk. She even tried working at a nursing home cafeteria. But none of these occupations ever stuck. By 1985, Gia started using again, but this time she had no safety net—no second chances. With nowhere to go, her life took a dark and dangerous turn.

46. She Became A Night Worker

In lieu of unemployment, Gia resorted to selling more than just her image, but also her body. Compounded with her spiralling addiction, this was a recipe for disaster. In December 1985, she was admitted to a hospital in Pennsylvania. She was extremely ill and doctors diagnosed her with bilateral pneumonia. But little did Gia know, she wasn't out of the woods yet.

47. She Had A Devastating Diagnosis

A few days later, doctors revealed another, more terrifying diagnosis: Gia had AIDS-related complex. Gia was diagnosed with AIDS at a time when doctors knew very little about the disease, and there was precious little that could be done to save her. In the fall of the next year, Gia was in hospital once again—and this time, she was in much worse condition.

48. She Was One Of The First

In 1986, Gia faced a horrific ordeal—she was attacked and left out on the street. On October 18, her health took a severe nosedive, and she found herself hospitalized for the final time. With so little known about her disease, doctors treated her as though she was highly infectious. They rigorously wiped down every surface she touched, and anyone attending her wore full protective gear.

49. She Had Regrets

Although the end was near, Gia didn’t find much solace in her brief life or career path. Shortly before her passing, Gia had a casual conversation with one of her nurses. Oblivious to Gia's past, the nurse told her about a photographer who wanted to take pictures of her daughter. Gia's response was absolutely tragic: "Don't do it. Even if she wants it, don't let her do it. I used to be a model. You don't want your kid to be a model."

50. She Had A Tragic End

AIDS Awareness Ribbon | Red ribbon, the international symbol… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

On November 18, 1986, Gia Carangi passed away from AIDS-related complications. She was only 26 years old. In fact, she was one of the first famous women to ever succumb to the disease. Her family held a small service in her hometown of Philadelphia. Having been such an icon in the modelling world, one might expect Gia's funeral to be attended by a great number of old coworkers and friends...But this just wasn't the case...

51. They Forgot Her

When her long-time supporter and collaborator, Francesco Scavullo, heard the tragic news, he sent his sympathies and a Catholic Prayer card to her family. However, not one single person or any of her so-called friends from the fashion world attended the service. The world had already moved on from Gia Carangi, and her replacement was rearing to go.

52. They Replaced Her

After Gia stepped onto the modelling scene, her signature tomboy look became highly sought after. After she disappeared from the scene, agents worked quickly to find a new model to carry the torch and fill the void left in Gia's wake. Fashion experts soon shopped around a new young model and even dubbed her “Baby Gia.” Who was this young model? None other than Cindy Crawford.

53. She Has A Biopic

In 1998, Angelina Jolie starred in the HBO made-for-TV biopic, Gia. Jolie had really interesting, albeit bizarre things to say about portraying Gia. Among the least weird was, “I’d like to date Gia. I’d want to be her lover.” Which is one thing, until you remember Jolie was playing her. But no matter her comments, it's safe to say that this film keeps people coming back to Gia's story time and time again.

54. She Lives On

File:Aids Quilt.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

One fitting and somber tribute to Gia is her square on the AIDS Memorial quilt. The NAMES Project created the folk-art quilt that weighs over 50 tons, and in 1989 they were nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Gia’s square reads, “You know what I think? I think there’s a reason for everything. God has a big plan for me. Just not in this life.”

Many of us have been in a toxic friendship before—those relationships that somehow always make us feel worse after hanging out with the person, even if we can’t quite put our finger on why. Well, as these Redditors found out, there usually is a reason for those gut feelings, and their fake friends revealed themselves to be true enemies.

1. Quiet Cuts

Ooof! This one hurt. When I was married, we had a friend group of three couples from our street. We went to football games, trips to the beach, and spent holidays at each other's homes. After the divorce, I went traveling for a year then moved to a condo downtown in our city. I'd had lunch with the wives after returning from traveling.

I thought we were still friends. I was sitting on the second-floor balcony of my new condo one night about 8 pm and saw them walking down the street. I said, “HI! So good to see you!” They'd all been out to dinner and were headed to another couple's apartment who had moved downtown while their house was being renovated for a quick drink.

I was excited to see them and asked them to stop by on their way back to where they'd parked. I tidied up my place and anxiously awaited seeing my old pals. I was texting with one of the ladies during the wait. About 9 pm, I saw them walking and chatting back towards my place. They couldn't see me. I wish I hadn’t seen what I did.

When they got close to my balcony, they stopped talking and walked quickly and quietly by. Then started laughing and talking after they passed. The one I'd been texting with while I waited sent me a text an hour later saying they were just now leaving the other friend's place and it was too late to stop by. I replied that I'd seen them when they left.

I never spoke to any of them again, even though they tried to be "friends" on Facebook. I wasn't hurt that they couldn't stop by on short notice. It was that they made me a joke that really hurt.

KarmaRanOverMyDogma

2. Trying His Luck

At university four years ago, I had some typical bro friends. It was all right that they were douchey because I was a douche at the time myself. Then one day, I managed to land myself my (STILL) current partner, who was beautiful, funny, and smart. We had been dating for about six months at the point this story takes place, and we all went for a night out as you normally do.

A couple of days later, my girlfriend made a disturbing confession. She told me that one of my so-called friends tried hitting on her when I wasn't around. When I talked to him about it, he played it off as, “Oh, I was so wasted, sorry bro.” Except the thing is, my girlfriend told me that he said to her: "He doesn't need to know."

It kind of brought me to my senses that I needed to grow up and move away from these idiots, because they do not care about anyone but themselves.

Suitable-Divide1106

3. One And Done

group of man gathering inside roomPhoto by Jerry Zhang on Unsplash

When I was in my mid-20s, I worked a job where four of us had the same position. The four of us did everything together. Then I made a mistake. Although I apologized for it, one of them just could not seem to forgive me, and aggressively isolated me from the group. I remember how awful it was to discover that they had a whole group chat that I wasn't included in, and had done all these social things without me.

I've always been lucky to have a lot of friends, and I figured out after a while that these people weren't going to be it for me. So I stepped away from those friendships and invested in my actual friendships. It still makes me mad looking back, though.

Permalink

4. Get Your Story Straight

This one friend constantly told people that she had some form of cancer for as long as I could remember. At first, I thought it was because she was trying to cover up the fact that she was gay and had short hair, which to a certain degree is still a little taboo in our region. But then she just kept lying, even after she actually came out as gay.

She kept telling people she had cancer, but it always changed. Leukemia, brain cancer, melanoma, breast cancer, colon cancer, the list goes on. She told a ton of people at a cattle show that she was a 14-year-old boy, all so she could show someone’s steer in the junior class. Then in the ring showing, the steer knocked her over and she fell down.

The metal brush in her back pocket penetrated her jeans and was stuck into her cheek. I still remember some of the bystanders helping her. Dude: "C'mon young man, we need to pull it out, let us help you." Her: "No I'm fine." Dude: "There’s blood all over the back of your jeans, we need to take a look and see if we can pull it out or if you need to go to a hospital. We can't tell if you are wearing your jeans over it. We're all tough folk here, no one cares if they see your butt."

She agreed, and then the entire crowd saw her neon pink thong. That's when everyone she had lied to realized that she wasn't a 14-year-old boy. She would also claim she wasn't gay after coming out. There were times that she was dating or screwing around with guys in secret.

UnrealManifest

5. Girl’s Trip

Apparently, I didn’t realize I was on a different tier of friendship with my so-called friend. My friend was getting married and I didn’t get an invite, which was fine since her wedding was a destination wedding in a different country. But then I attended a sleepover party, which she hosted. There were about nine girls there in total.

They kept talking about the awesome bachelorette party and then started showing photos of their crazy times. That’s when I realized I was the only one not invited out of that whole group. It made me feel kind of crummy.

Spookypumpkinbb

6. The Cabin In The Woods

black and brown house near treesPhoto by Lili Kovac on Unsplash

I had a group of friends in my mid-20s that I had considered close. These were people who were going to be a part of my wedding when it eventually happened and were going to be aunts and uncles to my future kids. Our kids were going to grow up together. Then I realized in the summer of 2014 that they didn't feel the same way about me. It was one rude awakening.

There were a bunch of little things leading up to it and a bunch of little things that happened after, but two big things were a local wedding that I wasn't invited to and an apparently incredible weekend at a cabin in the mountains that I also wasn't invited to. I was feeling depressed because of the wedding and all of the aforementioned little things and some other personal stuff going on in my life, so I had begged the organizer of the cabin if I could join.

It was pathetic. I said that I can sleep on the floor; I can come for just one night; just anything as long as I can come over. I was told very firmly, "No. There's no more room." But it gets worse. Oh yeah, my birthday was also that weekend, and literally, all of my friends that I would have asked to spend my birthday with me were already out of town or at that cabin.

No exaggeration, for a year after these events, whenever I spent time with these “friends,” the conversation would somehow gravitate to how awesome these events were. Like during a board game night, someone would bring a board game and go, "This is the game that we played that one night at the cabin, remember? Bob got really lucky with those dice rolls, didn't he?" and that would trigger a full-blown conversation about how awesome that weekend was.

Or we'd be at a dinner and someone would go, "Where's Frank and Lindsey?" and someone else would go, "They're finally on their honeymoon. Man, remember the awesome wedding they had?" Made me feel awful.

happyhappyfoolio

7. Backhanded Compliment

I was friends with so many people during college, and the last three weeks were an unpaid work placement. When we had to go back to the school to hand in our paperwork, not one of them spoke to me or would even answer me if I said something to them. It became clear that I was only valuable to them when I was helping them. Class awards had me down as "most willing to help classmates.”

irishkegprincess

8. Copycats

When I returned to work after being off for three months due to an injury, I practically begged this group of work friends to go out and do pub trivia. All three of them passed because they had plans. I wish that was the end of it, but it was most certainly not. It turns out their plans were to go grab a drink do pub trivia...without me.

I found out through social media and deleted it shortly afterward. I've been a lot less depressed about things since I've deleted social media and stopped looking at them as friends and just as work acquaintances. It took that for me to realize that the "friendships" were really one-sided and I'm better off not pursuing anything other than being cordial at work.

iaminfamy

9. Strings Attached

man holding smartphone in close up photographyPhoto by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

I am definitely the periphery friend. The majority of the time if there aren't enough tickets or space in the car for everyone to go do something, I'm the one who gets cut out. It doesn't bother me much, but I wish they would be more mindful when talking to me about "things we have done." "Remember when we went to see XXX? Wasn't that fun?"

Well, no because I wasn't invited. In those situations it usually gets awkward or they say, "Hey, we would have invited you if we had the tickets, space, etc."

Moebar90

10. Nice Day For A Rude Wedding

My best friend of 10 years called on my wedding day to say she couldn’t make it because she was just so sad about her recent divorce. Later on, I found out the truth and it wounded me to my core. Turns out, she just had a date and would have rather done that. Our whole friendship was fake, it just took me to that point to realize it.

pudgywombat

11. You Think You Know Someone

I was very close friends with this guy I met in high school, let's call him John. Then John started dating this girl, Caroline. I never really became friends with her but I liked her. We finished high school and lost touch a bit, and they married and had a baby. We still live close to each other, so we would go out occasionally with some other friends.

Then, in 2019, I learned they were getting a divorce. The reason blew my mind. Caroline’s friend told me that John had been abusing her. It even got to the point that he pointed a weapon at her, said she was a bad mom, and cheated on her multiple times with underage girls. John was never this type of guy when we were teenagers, but his father always acted like this and I think he developed this behavior later.

I don't consider John my friend anymore, and he lost almost every friend he used to have.

LKZToroH

12. Unhappy Ending

woman in red long sleeve shirt holding hair blowerPhoto by Adam Winger on Unsplash

My group of friends made plans to meet and hang out one day, and I was getting ready in the salon preparing for it. All of a sudden, a couple of friends had to back out for some reason. Then another friend made excuses of his own. I tried cajoling him and offered ways for him to go, but he basically decided to cancel the entire group meet-up. Here’s the twist: It was my birthday.

TeaTreeTreatly

13. The Truth Comes Out

Once high school ended, I heard about all the rumors they made up about me. Horrible, horrible stuff. They told people that I was addicted to substances—so much so that they were the reason I got tested at school. They also said I was easy because my friend’s boyfriend was my best friend and she wanted me to stop hanging around with him.

High school sucks, just a bunch of children trying to be better than everyone else.

gelirocks247

14. Hedging My Bets

My “best friend” in high school was awful. On Wednesday, I’d ask if she wanted to see a movie Friday night. She’d always say maybe, if I can get out of doing whatever with my parents. Come Monday, I’d hear her talking about how great the movie was. Apparently, last-minute her parents said she didn’t have to go wherever and “miraculously” a group of people called right then and asked her to see the same movie.

She’d always say, “I figured you made other plans” when I confronted her about it. In reality, she’d just wait to see what the better option was and pick on Friday. God that made me angry.

gonewildecat

15. Give Your All

a close up of a bunch of noodlesPhoto by Jakub Dziubak on Unsplash

When they ghosted me after 17 years of close friendship, that HURT. I still have no idea what I did wrong. But then there was extra salt in the wound. See, it was right after I spent a week eating instant noodles because I donated every cent I had to one of them for her cancer treatment GoFundMe. Hurt more than any relationship breakup.

beeinbris

16. Choosing Sides

Getting divorced was a real eye-opener. I started with a core group of close friends who had all met in our late teens/early 20, and one of them introduced me to the woman who I would ultimately marry. Well into our 40s, they were what I considered to be my family. But when the divorce happened, things spiraled. My best friend stuck with me, but his wife was the one who orchestrated things in our group, and she was best friends with my ex.

I was expecting the two of them to insulate for a while and I knew it was painful for my ex to be around me, so it was no surprise when I stopped getting invitations to cookouts, etc. But then I noticed that the other members of the group were also avoiding/ignoring me. I'd see on Facebook that one of them came into my town to go to a concert for a band that they knew I liked and hadn't so much as texted.

Birthdays rolled around and nobody would call. When my parents both passed within a few months of each other, not a one of them reached out. I knew where I stood. My best friend needs to get credit, though. Alone from all of them, he made a consistent effort to stay in touch and see me regularly. He was there when my parents passed and through everything else even though his wife clearly disapproved.

I think finally after this nonsense had been going on for several years, he told her how ridiculous it all seemed and the entire friend group tried to reconcile with me. I made it clear right from the start that there was no guarantee that I'd ever find space for them in my life again.

PM_Me_Yourbutts

17. The Odd One Out

When I was in school, all my friends and I did different A levels. Despite us all having different lessons from each other, they would wait for each other to go to lunch together. Only, they would always, always forget me. Like, I'd come out and they wouldn't be there, so I'd have lunch by myself, and then they'd come back and tell me they thought I was with them.

I was the only one they didn't wait for. I've only seen one of them since we left school, and she had forgotten my name. So that sucked.

Meowmyissues

18. Not My Person

wedding invitation card on brown wooden surfacePhoto by Mockaroon on Unsplash

There was no single awful event, but it was by a thousand cuts, really. I just got tired of being an afterthought even though when we were actually together you’d swear we were all family. I finally decided to just cut it all out and move on after my absolute closest friend, who I’ve known since I was eight, handed me a wedding invitation for a wedding that had been planned for a year, and by the time he invited me, it was like two weeks away.

He tells me the “hotel is almost fully booked, so call soon if you plan on staying overnight.” That was the most I’ve ever felt like a complete and total afterthought. I went to the wedding for the ceremony in one last show of effort for the friendship, but at this point, I felt so uncomfortable and alienated I knew they just weren’t my people anymore and I had to get on without them.

50YearSword

19. Party Down

I was at a party, really depressed after a bad breakup, and I started drinking too much. My horrible ex showed up, caught me somewhere alone, and hit me. I begged several friends for help since I was too gone to drive home alone, and they ignored me. My ex-best friend was there, completely sober, and refused to drive home with me because she didn't believe my ex would do that.

There's no Uber or anything in my country, by the way. The whole thing escalated, and one guy I didn't know ended up finding me alone in a field crying and throwing up. He brought me back to the house, built a bed out of blankets for me, and sat guard all night to make sure my ex wouldn't do anything again. I moved away for university and only saw my ex two more times in public places where he just glared at me.

I blocked him everywhere, and he was only kicked from the friend group later for unrelated stuff. I no longer talk to the ones from the friend group that were at the party. I found new friends at university and met an amazing guy who didn't give off a single red flag during the time I took to carefully get to know him. We're engaged and have a baby on the way.

More_Example6153

20. A Little Off The Top

This was when I realized who were my friends and who weren't. We were supposed to go on a tour and we saved our money and pooled it together. These fake friends then told me they had to cancel the plan because the ticket prices got too high, and told me to wait a few days to get my money back. My real friends asked me why I bailed on them, and were worried that I had an emergency.

Turns out my fake friends didn't want me to come and instead used my money for their booze and told everyone else that I bailed out and took my money back so everyone else would give more for their booze allowance.

illogicalfuturity

21. Split Down The Middle

man in black hoodie covering his face with his handPhoto by Sander Sammy on Unsplash

I flew out to support a friend going through a messy divorce. While I was there, she left me in the apartment to meet up with her boyfriend, who I didn't know about. It didn’t end there. This boyfriend turned out to have just been released from prison for manslaughter. Once she told me that, I told her that I didn't want to spend time with him, especially considering the circumstances of my visit.

The next night, I woke up in the middle of the night to find him in the living room. She said that she thought it wouldn't matter since I was asleep. The next day, she invited her soon-to-be ex-husband over without telling me and then asked me to meditate their conversation once he got there. That conversation turned ugly fast, and she ended up storming out.

He broke down and asked if I thought it was salvageable, and I told him that she had already moved on. Maybe not the best idea on my part, but at that point, she had shown me how vile of a person she is.

bertholamew

22. No Clear Answers

When I “fell asleep” camping, I heard endless complaints about me. It was all coming from this one guy, who was a total jerk to me even while I was awake, but probably what hurt the most was how everyone else just enabled him. I’m surprised I put up with it for so long. It’s hard when it’s mixed in with genuine brotherhood and friendship.

appleavocado

23. No Fun

Shortly after getting sober, I realized that a majority of my "friends" only kept me around so they could feel better about their own habits. I was heavily addicted and setting myself down a path I never once thought I could or would take. I stopped for my own benefit and health, and was treated like a selfish piece of garbage for doing so.

The next months ensued and not one of them checked in to see how I was doing, but instead, my high school best friend started sleeping with my ex-high school girlfriend. I was with her for five years and actually thought I was going to marry her at one point. Ironically, she dumped me for doing illicit substances and is now an honorary member of the group I was cast out of.

Replaced with the person who partially fueled my substance use, who dumped me for that use, by the group that didn't like me stopping my using, so they could all use substances together. It's now been over a year since I quit, and honestly couldn’t be happier. Got rid of an addiction and about 1,000 lbs of dead weight. But it was an eye-opener, to say the least.

GrizzlyStudios

24. You Kidding Me?

two babies and woman sitting on sofa while holding baby and watching on tabletPhoto by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash

When I was babysitting her kids, things were going great. We would hang out all the time, and we’d have movie nights and just talk and chill. But the second she no longer needed a babysitter was the second I got kicked to the curb. No explanation...not even a text back. Some people will act like your best friend until they no longer need you. Their loss, though.

Idgiethreadgoode86

25. At Least Put Some Effort In

I had a "friend" who would only contact me when she needed something, but she was pretty sly about it in the beginning. Like, inviting me over to hang and then bringing up the favor organically, like “Oh, we don't have anyone to watch the dog next weekend,” or “I want to move this bed but it's so heavy,” etc. After a while, it got more egregious and obvious.

Stuff like only calling to ask to use my truck or dog sit. I'd politely say I wasn't available and eventually she stopped calling. She still texts every now and then to "catch up." She tried that a few times in the past and it was always followed by a request, despite my no longer responding. To this day I cringe when someone says, "Hi, friend!" which is her freaking catchphrase

fancy_marmot

26. The Good Kind Of Ghost

When I realized literally just being in the same room as that person made me miserable. It’s because the person was extremely self-conscious, to the point that they would overcompensate by “putting others down” every little chance they had, to make themselves feel above it all. I kept wondering why they would keep throwing me under the bus for no reason.

Like we had been friends for years, why would they treat me like this? It took me years to figure out exactly how bad of a friend they were, no matter how hard they pretended not to be. It took me an entire year of ghosting to stop being friends with that person, because they loved putting me down so much they wouldn’t stop calling me, texting me, trying to contact me.

A year with no responses because they could not understand how someone could possibly want to stop hanging out with them because they are so perfect!

Snowfreak2507

27. Girl Power

woman in white and black striped shirt standing on yellow sunflower field during daytimePhoto by Antonino Visalli on Unsplash

They abandoned me when I was going through a rough time, and this was after I spent years listening to and supporting them. When I had my first true moment where I wasn’t coping and needed support, they were nowhere to be seen. But that wasn’t the worst of it. In fact, they were just complaining about me behind my back that whole time.

This is when I realized my high school friends had never grown up past high school. Luckily I had other friends, just not a large girl group like that. But I can actually say that every friend I have now, I know they have my back and won't judge me if I am not always happy. Obviously, it’s the same for me. I have always had very high expectations of myself as a friend and I feel that everyone I call a friend is someone who brings something special to my life.

That is worth more than having a huge group of witchy girlfriends who turn on each other when they are out of the room. It took me a long time to realize it, though.

LizFrance

28. One Strike, You’re Out

One "friend" at university tried to plagiarize my animation coursework and get me kicked out for copying his work. However, I had help setting things up by one of my professors, so he got expelled and blacklisted from the university and any other university in the UK doing the same subject. The people running all the animation degrees in every university in the UK back then knew each other and talked to each other regularly as it was a small community.

I think there were less than half a dozen universities with animation degrees back then.

Bedlamcitylimit

29. The Class Weirdo

Back in my first year of college, I used to have a group of friends; it was like seven dudes with me included. We always hung out together and we used to have this group chat where we discussed anything and everything, from class subjects to random things. After a year, I noticed that one of the guys, let's just call him Randy, kept getting excluded.

For example, he wasn’t invited to group hangout, and all the while they're talking smack behind his back. The "unofficial leader" of the group actually made a whole new group chat, inviting everyone (myself included) except Randy, without his knowledge. I know what it feels like to be left out, since I experienced that in middle school and it's really awful.

Because of that, I stopped hanging out with them and I started hanging out with just Randy. He's quite eccentric but a very good person at heart. We've been friends for more than six years, and he’s still got my back.

SpectreAmazing

30. In The Red

man sitting on chair covering his eyesPhoto by christopher lemercier on Unsplash

When I went bankrupt. I lost $2 million in net worth, and both my homes. I learned the hard way who my friends were and who were no friends at all. Some of my closest friends literally abandoned me. My fiancée started cheating on me when this occurred, as if I wasn’t dealing with enough in my life at the time. It was icing on the cake.

You’ll never really know, unless you hit a rock bottom of sorts, who’s going to be there and who’ll be lickety split, got no time for you when the going gets rough. Of course, it could have been worse; I could have married her. Meanwhile, one of my closest friends disowned me over $600, which I was unable to come up with to pay him back.

Due to, you know, being bankrupt. I was a groomsman at his wedding and I’d known him for 15 years. Other friends helped tremendously. One gifted me $10,000 to cover court costs, and another married couple let me stay with them rent-free in their beautiful home for eight months while I healed from the financial devastation and emotional train wreck I’d been through.

It was a rough, dark, terrible two years following all of that. The one friend still to this day will not speak to me, all because at that time I couldn’t scratch up the money to pay him back as I was being evicted and foreclosed on. The weirdest thing is that he and his wife have a painting of Jesus in their living room. The forgiver of sins. Christ almighty.

The three friends who helped me the most were an agnostic, an atheist married couple, and my Jewish friend.

stratobitz

31. Growing Up, Moving On

In college, I remember hanging out with a group of people. They were also my roommates for three years. Every year, we’d throw a fun party for everyone’s birthday…but mine. They didn’t even know when mine was. After I graduated and looked back on it, I realized they were never my friends. I don’t even hear from them anymore.

I spent four years socializing with the wrong people, and if I had just hung out with the people that I had been led to believe were “nerds” or annoying (or who I had more things in common with) I would likely have had a much more fun time in undergrad. Good thing I have much better friends than just the ones I made back then.

SeaOsprey1

32. I Don’t Need You

It was in middle school, and I hung out with a group that treated me like trash. I was always the one getting made fun of, the group punching bag, that sort of thing. I hung out with them because they were the only "friends" I had. Then I woke up one day and realized they all sucked. At lunch, I went up to them and told them they were all jerks.

I got laughed at, but I went and sat alone. I was alone all the way until junior year of high school when I told my parents that the big city wasn't for me. So my amazing parents sacrificed everything and moved up to Montana. I showed up at a small school and didn't know a soul, and I decided to join the football team. That was the best choice I ever made.

I met all new friends, who I'm still friends with 15 years later.

Hawk8215

33. Two-Timing In More Ways Than One

topless man standing near windowPhoto by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

When my “best friend” became close with the guy who mistreated me for two years. She knew everything, and still formed that friendship anyway. When I confronted her about it, she said he was a nice guy who was misunderstood, that my experience never happened. She also said that my other friend—who had integrity and reached out to me with screenshots when he attempted to contact her—was making him look bad.

She threw away a four-year friendship in that moment. She was also sending him screenshots of our private conversations and updating him about me when he has a new girlfriend.

weeping-flowers

34. Double Take

This was quite a few years ago. My ex and I were really friendly with another couple, and we did a ton of stuff together. Then they moved (not far), and fairly shortly after my ex and I separated. They hung out with me for a few months but then stopped calling. A few years later, I ran into both of them at a race…and they both pretended like they didn't know me. That was actually a really painful moment.

26pointMax

35. People < Animals

I just kind of realized I was the background friend. People always called me when they had a problem and needed my help with it. My job is the type of job that people seem to think that I love freelancing without pay. So I would constantly get, "Hey how are yous" followed up with, "So I’m having this issue with (job-relevant thing)."

I stopped answering these questions outside of my defined work hours and directed people to my work email with any questions when they did ask. Apparently, that makes me a jerk and I kind of fell off people's radar. I'm not sure how I feel. I'm married so I mostly just hang out with my husband in terms of people. I also have two dogs and two horses and I love hanging out with them, too.

I like to just grab a book and a picnic lunch and ride out with them, find a cool place and just kind of exist. I'm reading a book, the dogs are playing and the horses are grazing. Life is honestly not that bad.

eldrun

36. Keep Your Guard Up

woman whispering on woman's ear while hands on lipsPhoto by Ben White on Unsplash

I was fired because one of the people in my circle of friends was jealous of my success and started badmouthing me to everyone behind my back. I lost the job and the circle of friends, even though I could, and did, prove that it was all lies. They still sided with the jerk. Also, more than one I helped in rough times by finding jobs for them, getting them into the interviews.

When I lost mine, they all ghosted me. Needless to say, they all just proved that a friend is just a jerk who hasn't had time to backstab you yet.

makkapakka777

37. It’s Personal

My so-called “friends” invited me to a party, and then at the last moment, they texted the group that no one's coming and the party is canceled. Only…they did have the party that day. Everyone went. They just had decided they didn't want me there because I was boring and not a fun person, so they told me that there was no party happening. It hurt a lot; it was a terrible day for me.

thenextsherlock16

38. Single-Use Friend

I had a “friend” in college who displayed some pretty troubling tendencies. She was quick to anger, and was very insecure and paranoid about friendships and relationships in general. She became one of my roommates after she failed to get into a sorority that most of her “real” friends were in. After a pretty tumultuous few months of her constant angry behavior, I realized her toxicity.

Anyway, upon graduating, she reunited with her actual friends and I never heard from her again. Never felt so relieved, honestly, but it also still hurt a bit that I could be so disposable to someone.

j4321g4321

39. Pickup And Put Down

black chevrolet single cab pickup truck on gray sand during daytimePhoto by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash

I had a pickup truck, and it was amazing how many friends didn't want to hang out with me after I got rid of it. One day proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I got a call about six months after I had traded the pickup to a car. My "friend" was like, “Hey, long time no talk,” so we talked for a few minutes. He then goes, “What are you doing tomorrow?”

I said, “I'm going to wash my new CAR.” I had heard he was moving and of course he wasn't aware that I no longer had the pickup, because he didn’t talk to me unless he needed something. Lo and behold, he ended the conversation not too long after that. Never heard from that "friend" again, and honestly good riddance to him.

jimbobbjesus

40. Always The Bridesmaid

In my fourth year of high school, I found out a large portion of my “friends” had been meeting every single week for the past four years to watch the show Community together. In four years of high school, they never once brought it up, or invited me. Similarly, at the end of my four-year university program, I saw on Snapchat that 99% of my program was throwing a huge house party and no one invited me.

KohlDayvhis

41. Here For A Good Time, Not A Long Time

After accidentally overdosing and ending up in the hospital, I reached out and messaged those friends who'd said, "Message me if you need anything!" When I asked them to do something like feed my cat, check the mail, message my family who don't use the Internet, or just talk to me, the response was still just, "Let me know if you need anything!"

It was as though saying that somehow allowed them to ignore what I was telling them I needed. That day, I learned people say this when they don't know what to say, or don't want to actually do something. Like, here I am, in a hospital bed, asking you for that help you said I could ask for. I know that I've helped you, but now that I just need this rudimentary help while I'm being treated at the hospital, no one is there.

Not even family. I've gone out and visited friends, hosted events for them, helped them in many ways, and it could have been that way for years. And yet if I ask to be visited or for help, there's nothing. Sometimes they won't even let me know they can't show up for things like my birthday until hours into the party starting time. Some people just want to "piggybank" you, dropping figurative social coins into you so that you show up for them, but they may never show up for you.

I've spent years talking to someone wondering what it would take for them to ever visit me, to have them literally show up once in over five years of a friendship. I feel like an idiot for having invested so much of myself, time, money, and genuine love to realize they do not want to invest even a fraction in reciprocation. "We're friends for life now," some have said to me, and we've shared deep things.

But it's always in public chat groups and we never converse in private. I've learned some people know how to be emphatic and seem really caring, but often it seems all they really care about is a performative friendship. The song and dance of a friendship, but when you genuinely want to talk and open up about a conflict, to really ask for help to work through something, it's not what they're there for.

They're there for the superficial and entertaining, the positive only, and the negative—whatever it may be—is not in their vocabulary. I don't know anymore what a real friendship is. I'm left really wondering if I'm the problem. The proverb "if everyone is the problem, then it's you" rings in my head. I must be the problem, because every relationship has similar issues: lack of genuine connection.

onus111

42. Pale, Don’t Care

silhouette of people raising their hands during sunsetPhoto by 🐣 Luca Iaconelli 🦊 on Unsplash

I was wondering why my house, which I share with my roommates/friends, was so quiet in the morning. I didn't hear anyone move about in their rooms or come through the front door. Lunchtime passed, and I realized that they all had gone. They came back in the evening after spending a day at the beach together. I cried a little inside, but I didn't get sunburned so I had that going for me.

acidus1

43. Done And Distant

I had a pretty bad bout of depression, the kind where it's insanely hard not to just drive into a wall, and tried to talk about it to a dude I considered my best friend at the time. He pretty much just said I was being stupid and ignored me for the rest of the drinks. I noticed a week later that no one in the group was texting me, so I thought I'd see how long until they noticed I wasn't around.

I ended up confronting one of them a year later, expressing how disappointed I was, and that was the last time I saw, spoke, or heard from any of them since. Oh, about another year after that, one of my exes who was in the group tried to be "friends," so I let something "slip." That was an enormous blunder. Sure enough, through a friend of a friend, she had been talking about it to the old friend group.

Taneatua

44. These Friends Need Couples Therapy

I found a huge skeleton in my family closet and it messed me up for months. I explained to my "friends" I was going through a lot and it would take time to talk about it. Except when it really DID take some time, my friends were angry that I didn't trust them enough to go through it together. I did tell them after a couple of months and I went to therapy for it, but at that point, they told me they didn't care if I got better.

One friend's exact quote was, "Your existence bothers me." We were all roommates and I ended up moving out in secret because they were purposefully causing anxiety attacks by banging on my door at night, not letting me into the kitchen to eat, etc.

DropDeaHeart

45. That’s Just Sick

grayscale photo of womans facePhoto by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

This girl was a habitual liar. We’d been friends since we were little kids and I always just excused her smaller lies because of her horrible childhood, but when she came out with the lie that she had leukemia, I had to end our then-25-year-long friendship when I found out it was untrue. The worst part was that her mother and my uncle had both just passed of cancer.

She tried to backtrack and say that the alleged leukemia was soon cured with a blood transfusion—which of course is utter nonsense. I’m still sad about it, but I can’t abide that level of lying.

bingobr0nson

46. Here’s To The Real Ones

When you try to open up and try to share a genuine conversation about something going on in your life and all they can do is crack jokes and try to get you to go out drinking with them. It made me realize how surface-level many “friendships” really are. Then you have the opposite of that—three guys I’ve known since I was a freshman in high school.

We’ve been friends for over 15 years and have stayed in touch through all of us getting married, having kids, and moving to completely separate areas of the country. Yet whenever we’re within an hour of each other, we always make a point to get breakfast and catch up. This usually turns into 3+ hour conversations. This may only happen once or twice a year, but I consider those guys my best friends.

That’s real friendship and I’m fortunate to have them.

BrotherOfTheOrder

47. New Phone, Who Dis?

My best friend since fifth grade invited me to his wedding as a guest. I expected to be a groomsman, since we basically stayed the night at each other's houses every weekend all through high school and I set him up with his wife. We were still "close" for long-distance friends too after moving to college. I'd come visit and spend the weekend with him and some mutual friends a few times a year.

We did fantasy football and texted pretty frequently. Fine—but then it got so awkward. At the wedding, the bride and groom each had about eight people in their parties. The groom had his brother and seven friends. I didn't even make the top seven. I knew pretty much everyone on the bride's side, but only knew half of the guys up there with the groom.

That opened my eyes a bit. I took a step back and analyzed our friendship after that. At that point, I realized I always texted him first or made plans, always visited him but he never visited me, etc. He basically put in no effort. So I stopped texting for a while, as a test, and I haven't heard from him since. It's been about 11 years.

SuperFreakyNaughty

48. Brutal Honesty

time lapse photography of woman portraitPhoto by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash

This friend, I'll call her Mary, had kids the same age as mine. We got together for play dates pretty often and our kids would sleepover at each other’s houses for weekends. I liked Mary. We would often visit and talk while our kids were playing. One weekend, her kids had stayed at my house. The older one called her mom to see when she was coming to pick her up.

I was in the room, and the kid put the phone on speaker for some reason. Mary told the kid what time she would be there. Then it took a dark turn. She then added, "You had better be waiting outside. If I have to go in and spend the next hour talking to that woman, I'm going to be really annoyed.” We didn't spend much time together after that.

Did I overreact? Was Mary just having a bad day and not want to talk? Well, here's what happened after I overheard my friend say that to her child: I simply stopped initiating contact and wasn't as available to do stuff for her. When we dropped off or picked up the kids, I smiled and waved. I let the kids make the plans for playdates.

I no longer had time to help her with her garden or watch her kids while she went out with another friend. She never contacted me unless she wanted something. This had always been true, but I had not realized it. The "friendship" eventually fizzled out on its own. So, I guess it had never been much of a friendship to begin with.

rivertam2985

49. Change For The Better

In my late teens, my girlfriend of about a year or so cheated on me with a random dude, then started dating another guy in my pretty preppy and sheltered friend group. In an effort not to "pick sides," they kept inviting us all to everything, claiming it was my problem if I didn't want to attend. I ended up saying screw them and started to make an effort to engage in the punk/DIY scene.

I took a lot of social "risks" going to shows, parties, and events on my own, but eventually met people, joined a band, and ended up quite involved. Fast-forward another year or so, and my band is booked to play a show at a local bar. A group of my former "friends" are there inadvertently rather than for the show, including my ex who has broken up with the other dude.

I chat with them briefly, they ask me who I'm there with, I respond, "Oh, my band's playing in 20 minutes." The Look. It was amazing. I spent the rest of the night hanging with my bandmates and friends, they spent the whole night looking over at, and no doubt talking about me. Yeah I changed, and I certainly don't need you anymore.

bacillusmonster

50. Fool Me Once

My "friends" made a Facebook account for a fake girl who was "transferring to our school," and then they full-on catfished me, only revealing it was a scam when I arrived at a movie theater to meet her. Was I dumb? Yes. Were they horrible? Undoubtedly.

wickedly_santa

Maintenance worker dangling on the side of a skyscraper
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