Pizza Delivery Guys Share The Strangest Things They've Ever Experienced On The Job
Food delivery people are the true MVPs of this world. Through rain or shine, they're always there to make sure that your food gets to you quickly. And if that delivery is pizza, all the better!
At the same time, not every delivery goes perfectly. The pizza delivery people get a glimpse into the life of those ordering food, and sometimes those glimpses are just plain weird.
Curious about the strangemess, Redditor messydavidd asked:
"Pizza guys of reddit, what's the strangest thing you've seen when delivering pizzas?"
Pizza Bet
"I deliver for Doordash and Grubhub, sometimes pizzas. One time I picked up an order from each app, same exact order, from the same restaurant, both named James, to the same hotel."
"When I knocked on the door two guys were there and asked me which was I, Doordash or Grubhub. I told them I was both and have both orders. They started to laugh really hard."
"When I asked what was so funny, they told me they had a bet on which one would come first. They thought it was going to be 2 different drivers and never thought one person would be using both apps. I laughed too and asked them which one was James. They told me they are both named James. I still wonder what other funny things those two guys try come up with."
– Moist_Remorse
Mood
"Customer paid with a card and he had instructions to leave the pizza on a bench in a public area. Drop it off and quickly leave the area. I left but pulled on a side street where I could see the bench. I wait probably close to 5 minutes and then I see a man bust out of a dilapidated building I thought was empty."
"He runs up and grabs the pizza, he spins a whole 360 degrees and he is glancing in every direction as if he was afraid he was being watched. Then he hurries back to the place and when he gets to the door he sees me and his eyes get huge and wide, paranoid and fearful. He slammed the door shut. I just think he was tweaking or something wouldn't be out of the ordinary around here."
– Solomon_R
"That's me eating pizza while on a diet."
– messydavidd
Interesting
"Was delivering to a hotel, had a guy pass out on me 3 separate times in a 10 minute encounter. Apparently he was narcoleptic, but it still scared that crap out me."
– roxas596
"Narcoleptic here. He was probably having a cataplexy attack. We don't actually pass out, we're still conscious but we lose control over our muscles so we look passed out. Theres also the scenario where it's only partial, then it looks like a seizure because we try to move only to cause spasms. Its triggered by emotion so he probably got nervous or something."
– FabCitty
Oh My GOD.
"I delivered to a hotel in the middle of a local golf course. Called the number to let them know I was there and was told to come on up. Get to the room and when the guy answered, there was a large group of guys, all in golf attire, surrounding a single guy in a chair. He was bound & blindfolded. The one that answered didn't even bat an eye, just asked how much and tipped me $30 bucks. Warily I took the money and walked away, but before the door was fully closed, I heard one on the guys ask "I wonder if he knows this is a..""
"Before I even left the parking lot, the guy that answered the door called me to say that the bound guy was his brother and he was bound & blindfolded because it's his bachelor party and the stripper was waiting to come out. I just showed up way earlier than they thought I would."
– Azurko
....Wow.
"Some dude opened the apartment door completely naked, I was stunned but what came after that made me ask myself if he was some kind of magician. He put a hand behind his back and pulled out a wallet. The only reasonable explanation I could give myself was that he tucked the wallet between his buttcheeks."
– gabelitos_131
Sure It Wasn't The Village People?
"Just simply coming up and there were 3 guys in underwear waiting for me. Handing the pizzas over and more just start coming out in underwear and these were also wearing cowboy hats and Native headdresses, some kind of Bro Halloween party or something. Got to grab my tip out of the dudes bra. It was funny as hell but when I left the building I had to process for a moment what the hell happened."
– T-Poo
YIKES!
"I had two teenage girls open the door in their underwear, as a joke I guess. They think it's funny but I had to report it to my manager and hope nothing came of it."
– Davimous
Valid Question.
"Just the other day showed up to a house to be greeted by two guys (about 25) on the roof in underwear clearly ecstatic about the pizza being delivered."
– krankykorn
"Did you Walter White the pizza up there?"
– 852168
Good Snekko.
"Had someone answer the door once with a snake on his shoulders. Not like a milk snake or a garter but a ball python. Probably about 6 feet long. As he closed the door I heard him say to someone that I hadn't reacted at all lol. Sounded so disappointed."
"Edit to clarify: this was almost a year ago. I am not a snake expert to so it is quite possible I misidentified the species. Thanks to those who pointed out my mistake."
– impgrl369
Helping A Celebrity
"I delivered back when Michael Vick was with the Philadelphia Eagles, Well we knew when he would order for his house under a false name. Anyways i got the delivery (which is awesome since i’m a huge Eagles fan). Michael lived in my town for his time with the Eagles. Upon arriving to his house, the house reeked of the devils lettuce. I go to the front door and a huge guy answered the door, looked around to see if anyone else was near, and asked me to get patted down. Obviously i’m not a threat so i said sure. I get patted down and The one and only Michael Vick comes around the corner and says “Wassup”. THEN IMMEDIATLY HIS YORKIE RUNS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DOWN THE STREET. (He got a Yorkie after the whole dog thing for his daughter). His daughter runs out and screams “NO ROMEO” (assuming the dogs name is romeo). Michael then asks myself if i could get the dog, so i handed him the food and run down the street for the dog. Didn’t go far and i picked him up and went back to the front door and gave little yorkie Romeo to his daughter who was ecstatic about getting him back and ran inside with him. Michael then thanked me and gave me a nice tip and i went on my ways."
– sensei_taz
Whoops, Wrong Drawer
"On my last day on the job, on what was literally my last delivery as a pizza guy, knocked on the door to this guys apartment. Just heard a distant shout from inside, a four-digit number, at which point I noted the keysafe sat on the wall by the door. Entering the four numbers into that granted me the key to get in. 'Awfully trusting towards a delivery person', I thought to myself."
"Inside I go, where the smell of stale cigarettes hits me like a wall. Carry on through to where the voice is calling from, I'm greeted with an old man, bedbound and surrounded by full ashtrays, sucking on a cigarette like his life depends on it. I awkwardly set down the pizzas and tell him how much he owes me, to which he replies that his wallet is in one of the drawers the other side of the room."
"I opened the wrong drawer first. How did I know it was the wrong drawer? Because it was stuffed full to the brim (to the point it was difficult to open/close) with dildos. Of every shape, size and colour imaginable."
"His wallet is in the next drawer I try. I take what he owes me, leave him the change and scarper out of there as fast as I could. My final delivery, done."
"I don't miss that job."
– Eight_Bits_
Love Connection?
"About 40 years ago I delivered pizzas. A woman called and asked for me specifically. I never heard of her had never been to the address . when I went to the door she came out. Mid 50s 250-300 lbs blonde , cute face, wearing a fishnet bathrobe and no other clothing. She told to "stay for a piece and I don't mean pizza" . I left in a daze"
– Cdldice
I'd Die For My Pizza
"Another time while on a delivery I knocked on the door and the door opened from my knock. I look in the living room and the guy that ordered was face down on the floor. I went in and checked him out and he wasn't breathing. I called the fire Department (no 911 in those days) the firemen came and revived him. While on the floor with the oxygen mask on and waiting for the ambulance he called me over and asked for the pizza. I brought it to him and he took a slice lifted his oxygen mask and proceeds to eat the whole pizza before the ambulance arrived"
– Cdldice
How About A Verbal Tip?
"I delivered for Dominoes back in the late 80, early 90s in NYC. I never really had a problem finding places, until this one night."
"The address was 122 and an 8th, which was a bit odd. I arrived and was standing on a storm grate as I looked around for the place. Below me, I heard someone say "You're standing on it, dude!""
"I jumped back and looked down. Whoever was in the grate slipped up a $10 bill through the grate, and said "Just slip it down here.""
"I reluctantly slid the pizza down and snatched the money. The tab was $13 so he was short on the bill and no tip."
"After some back and forth, he gave the best advice ever: "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.""
"I had to get a new route. And at the time, I thought I delivered everywhere..."
– HruntingBlade
Not A Pet
"I had a friend in HS who delivered pizza. He went to a home and there was a opossum just chilling right beside the door like it belonged there. He was pretty high so he didn’t think to much about it because it didn’t run off when he opened the screen door. He gave the lady her pizza then asked it the opossum was their pet. She started screaming and ran for a broom. The opossum wasn’t as chill from that point on."
– HoudiniCricket
There Aren't Even Words
"I've delivered pizzas for about a year now and honestly, it's been pretty tame. The "weirdest" thing I've seen so far was a father and son staying in one of the low-end motels right next to the interstate. Pretty normal until they opened the door, both in nothing but white briefs and behind them were three opened suitcases of barbie dolls. All naked, all missing at least one piece, and all being different like hair color/skin color."
"It was just the creepiest thing and I was so shocked that I couldn't ask about it."
– Deidris
Maybe He Had A Craving
"This happened inside the store, but some dude walked in wearing a really old papa John's hat ranting how he use to work there. And would ask the other people ordering food if they would buy him a onion. My boss finally came to the front and handed him one of the biggest onions we had. Then told the guy it's on the house, let these folks order their stuff so we can continue business. And without a hitch this guy just starts munching down on this thing like it was a granny Smith apple. Ate the whole thing, smiled and left without saying another word."
– Sinicalkush
Come On In
"Four year pizza delivery veteran here. not really something that I saw but more something that happened to me that was weird/unsettling. I hope this still counts."
"I work at a pizza place in my hometown while I’m finishing up college. Gets pretty boring when it’s slow but the money is good when it’s busy. (All you delivery guys can relate to that)"
"So one Friday night about two years ago I’m taking the last delivery of the night. I pull up to a nice house in a nice neighborhood and three boys maybe about say 12-14 years old answer the door."
"At first it’s pretty normal the kids just tell them the amount and they hand me the money. But right before I go to turn around one of the kids whispers “ask him” to one of the others and giggles.And I’m like oh fuck what are these kids about to say to me right now in my mind. But this kid goes “will you please be our fourth in Fortnite?”"
"Now remember I am 19 and baked. The alternative is going back and washing dishes and I figure I can kill five minutes. So I’m like “haha yeah sure” and these kids were pumped jumping up and down and shit.""
"So I go in and play the game and I’m got a kill or two these kids are losing their shit screamin going wild. I die within like say five minutes or whatever I dap the kids up they’re like oh well remember you forever bro and shit and at this point I’m like word what a nice moment with those fellas."
"This is the weird part."
"Then I leave and I’m walking across the yard back to my car and I see the mom. The mom gives me this look of like terror/confusion as we pass each other and makes a kinda speed walk towards her door and goes in. I kinda just give her like a awkward smile."
"So as I am driving away I’m like holy shit that mom thinks that I murdered her kids or some fucked up shit like that. Like she pulled up, heard screaming, and sees me leaving with a weird smile. Maybe she didn’t even know they ordered pizza."
"I never heard anything about it though. I assume they were like nah pizza guy was chill we played fortnite and the mom was happy the kids were okay but yeah. That’s my weirdest one."
– newleathercouch
At Least There Was A Happy Ending
"I delivered a pizza to a young girl who was home alone and when she opened the door her dog immediately ran away. I handed her the pizza, got in my car, found the dog and returned it. She left me no tip so I was feeling kind of salty about it on the way back to the restaurant."
"A few hours later her Mother called the store asking to speak to me. She thanked me and explained they had left tip money but their daughter was so upset about the dog she forgot to give it to me."
"I worked at this pizza place for two more years through college and they would get two large pepperoni pizzas and request me to deliver it every week after that. They always tipped me at least $25."
– freshprinceofbeller
That's so wholesome! I would request him too.
The Best Real-Life Examples Of 'Never Interrupt An Enemy While They're Making A Mistake'
"Reddit user Spinksy48 asked: 'What is your 'never interrupt an enemy while they are making a mistake 'moment?''"
People will trip themselves up eventually.
Because liars and lunatics always make mistakes.
They may be small mistakes, but they leave just enough room to expose their wicked ways.
Sure we all want to fight off an enemy and be the victor.
But sometimes the victor's greatest weapon is nothing but a little patience.
Then, we celebrate with a smile as we watch the crumble.
And maybe we have a little victory dance.
Redditor Spinksy48 wanted to understand the fun of letting your opponent lose by just doing nothing, so they asked:
"What is your 'never interrupt an enemy while they are making a mistake' moment?"
If the story starts to get really crazy, just wait for a break.
Then ask a question from the beginning.
I guarantee you know more of the lie than they do.
Just keep talking, friend.
Gotcha
Dashcam Hello GIF by TranscendGiphy"I let the lady who changed lanes into me run her mouth about how I rear-ended her before pulling the cop aside to show him my DashCam footage."
ThrowingChicken
A Cherry Wave
"I was accused by a neighbor of reversing out of my drive and hitting his car. He gave me the date and time I had allegedly done it and pointed to a (small) scrape on my car that supposedly matched perfectly the location of the dent on his. This was 7 weeks after the alleged event, by the way."
"I said it wasn't me but told him to contact his insurance and we'd see what they said. A few weeks later I get a letter from my insurance asking what had happened, to which I responded with the date I had bought my car (and updated my insurance) - two weeks after the supposed bump."
"He never spoke to me again but I used to give him a cheery wave every time I saw him glowering at his window."
Gazcobain
Speak Once
"In a meeting with my project manager who has not been in the office or worked a proper full day for MONTHS, she has increasingly been annoyed by people bypassing her to get things done by telling me and her other direct reports what to do."
"I was about to answer a question for stakeholders, and she told me to let her speak one sentence and will let me have my bit. I did as I was told, and she told the stakeholder a completely wrong thing about the system we were handling and made a complete fool out of herself. She got sacked this month."
choiaera
We Hated Each Other
"Guy stole a presentation from me, this is 25 years ago. We hated each other. When he started presenting I realized I had made a huge error, didn’t say anything. Let him get through it. Asked him about the error, but he couldn’t answer. This was in front of COO. Got fired, not for just that, he was an overall douche. This was before everyone was on PCs, and had one printer in one room."
Bmilvis
Whoops
Office Space GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"When a coworker who I hated got fired a few weeks after I decided to stop fixing his mistakes even if it impacted a client."
Hrekires
It's always thrilling to see the bad colleagues go!
Bye. Bye. Bye.
I will see you on the 15th
Idiot Reaction GIFGiphy"Not my story, but several years ago my older brother was fighting for custody of his son with his ex-wife. As the first custody hearing date approached, they were exchanging [un]pleasantries over text and my brother ended up saying something along the lines of, 'I'm not continuing this conversation. I will see you on the 15th.' The ex-wife told him, 'The hearing is on the 25th dumba**.'"
"So of course instead of correcting her, my brother just allowed her to keep thinking it was the wrong date, and she missed the first hearing entirely. It became the first of many mistakes she made in the court system that eventually led to my brother and the woman who is now his second wife winning full custody of his son."
Damn_Furries
Follow the Prints
"I'm working on a job site and the architect is there one day. I've been given some light fixtures for the sconces in a leasing office lobby. The fixtures are meant to be hung from a ceiling, they can't be installed on a wall. I attempt to convey this to the architect, but he brushes me off and just tells me to follow the prints."
"I turn to the apprentice and say, well you heard the man, put them up. A bit later, we hear the crashing of glass. The architect asks what was that? I said your light fixture. As I picked up a broom and dustpan to go clean up."
Ohhhhhhthehumanity
No Debt
"As I was being fired from a job, the district manager requested we record the conversation. He thought I was gonna be very upset, so I obliged. Then when he started to tell me why I was being fired he started with, 'You are gonna be graduating college soon, and we want to make sure we get ahead of you leaving us.'"
"I very calmly asked him to send me the recording right after he said that. Then later that day I called a lawyer. I now have no student loan debt."
JRTHEAMAZING
The Screams
"I reminded my ex-wife the divorce court was the next day and was invited to Get F**ked. So I went by myself, she failed to appear and pissed off the Judge so he asked what would be my desired outcome for assets and Custody of the kids. He wrote down whatever I wanted and I could hear her screams when she read the Orders from 3500km away."
comfortablynumb15
Silence
"There's a thing in law enforcement/legalese called a spontaneous utterance. Many many people will bury their own cases with these while bi*ching and moaning at their arresting officer on the way to jail."
raccoonsonbicycles
That last one is good knowledge to have in the back pocket.
We all like different foods, some of which might earn some side-eye from someone who doesn't enjoy them.
But some of our preferences could cross over into the unusual and strange for anyone who's never tried them, and for servers taking those orders, some food combinations might be difficult for them to accept as anything other than a prank.
And no, we're not talking about serving pineapple on pizza.
Redditor Repulsive_Compote955 asked:
"Servers at restaurants, what's the strangest thing someone's asked for?"
A Classic
"When I was cooking in the military, someone requested a BLT sandwich but with no Bacon or Tomato. He wasn't kidding, he just wanted bread and lettuce."
- Xiegfried16
"Here's your L, sir."
- Cutsdeep-
Seafood and Cucumbers
"Flava Flav came into the restaurant I worked at. It was a fancy seafood place."
"He ordered just a plate of cucumbers for himself, everyone else at his table ordered normal things. I’m guessing he maybe doesn’t like seafood? Hilarious."
"Yes, he wore a giant clock chain and he let the staff take pics with him as he said, 'Flava Flav!' Really nice guy."
- janeusmaximus
Salad with No Side of Purple
"Once had a dude order a large garden salad, look me dead a** in the eye, and very seriously said, 'No purple in it.'"
"I just acted like yeah, sure, okay, with no follow-up questions. I ended up picking out anything purple colored in the salad and very nervously watched him pick through it."
"He was satisfied enough and left a decent tip."
"I can never unsee purple things in my salad now, but I eat them."
- waffle-house420
The Mooing Burger
"He was staying at the resort the restaurant I worked at was in, so I had the privilege of attending to him several times over the week."
"He was Insufferably smug and condescending, several times saying, 'This isn't' what I ordered,' even though his order had been read back to him and confirmed. How many times can you order in a restaurant and get something you don't think you ordered before you start to ask if maybe you're the problem?"
"The most ridiculous was that he ordered a hamburger and wanted it cooked rare. So the chef cooked him his burger, and when I brought it out to him, he said, 'It's too overdone, redo it.'"
"So I told the chef, and he made a rare burger, he sent that one back, too."
"Then the chef was p**sed, so he made a patty of raw hamburger and waved a torch over it so it was barely brown and ice cold in the middle."
"The f**ker loved it and said it was the best burger he ever had. Still complained about how long it took to get his meal, though."
"I still remember the chef saying, 'If that's what he wanted, he should have ordered a tartare aller-retour, is it too much to ask that people learn the name of the weird thing they like to eat?' (I have to look up that name every time I tell this story.)"
- McFeely_Smackup
The Inappropriate Order
"When I went to take an order from two men, one grabbed my thigh and said, 'I’ll have you. You look meaty.'"
"The other guy at the table was mortified. I was unamused."
"The other servers wanted to take the table off me but I wasn’t traumatized… just annoyed."
- Bonnieearnold
Flat Water Only
"A middle-aged lady insisted she didn’t like soda water or sparkling water so instead asked for a white wine spritzer without the white wine…"
"There are two ingredients to a white wine spritzer. White wine and soda water."
- rohothemadlad
Cloth Napkins Needed
"In my teen years, I worked at a family restaurant. One day at breakfast an elderly woman came in and just ordered toast with orange marmalade and asked if we had a cloth napkin."
"We only offered paper napkins, but she was very nice, so I found a cloth napkin in the back."
"After spreading out the cloth napkin on the table, from her purse she pulled out a framed picture of an elderly man in an old-style army uniform. She propped up the picture on the table and ate her toast and marmalade with her passed husband by her side."
"I had to go into the back and cry, and when a concerned co-worker asked me why I was crying, she started crying too when I told her about the lady."
- RockPaperLaserPewPew
The Oh No Burrito
"In college, I worked at a burrito shop on campus. One night this guy who was stoned out of his mind ordered a burrito with everything on it, 3x salsa, sour cream, extra beans, meat, rice, everything."
"I could barely wrap the burrito. He walks over and sits at a table and takes one bite and all the burrito contents shot out the bottom."
"He just went, 'Oh no,' and then just started eating it out of his lap and off the table. It was entertaining to watch."
- OneBrokeGuyWh**e
Double the Steak, Double the Fun
"Once a very thin, middle-aged woman came in. She couldn't have weighed more than 100 pounds soaking wet."
"She asked what our biggest steak was. I told her it was the 24 oz. ribeye. She said, 'Okay, I'll have that.'"
" Our steaks came with two sides, so I asked which ones she'd like. She said, 'I don't want sides.' I told her they were included in the price, and she still refused them."
"I brought out her steak and she began eating. She got about a third of the way through when I asked, 'How is everything?'"
"She said, 'Great. Bring me another steak.'"
"I asked, 'Is there anything wrong with that one?'"
"She said, 'No, it's great. I want a second one.'"
"I went back to the chef and told him, and he couldn't believe it. But we served her another steak. She ate all 48 oz. of steak and left me a $40 tip."
- shadownome396
No Small Items
"This man told me he couldn’t have anything that has been 'ground up' at some point. So like, can’t use anything with flour in it. Not because of the gluten, but because it was made small at one point."
"My man, that is not a thing."
- Saltyseabanshee
A Hot Salad
"We had a woman send a grilled chicken salad back because it was cold. So we cooked some new chicken and made sure to send it back while still warm. She sent it back again. The entire salad wasn't hot enough for her."
"We microwaved her salad. She ate it. I don't know, man."
- honestnt
Chicken Noodle Dog
"Chili dog, sub chicken noodle soup for chili."
"She took a bite and said, 'Oh, I made a mistake.'"
- pollyp0cket
The Water Habit
"The place I worked at had little water cups on the table and we kept them filled for customers. I sat a party of two women (who said they were waiting for a third person) and went to fill their water cups."
"When I asked if I should fill the third one or wait for the third person to arrive, one woman said, 'Oh, no need, he's trying to quit.'"
"I thought it was a joke, and when the third person (a man) got there, I went to fill his water. He said, 'No, don't fill it, I'm trying to quit water!'"
- horton_hears_a_homie
The Blended Special
"Guy came in with a large group, must’ve had a recent surgery or something cause he asked for his meal to be blended. He ordered a lasagna..."
- rainysunbun
Shark Tour on the Side
"Honestly, I'd say the weirdest thing was that while I was a server at a restaurant in the Royal Hawaiian, a guest asked me to book a shark adventure tour. It had nothing to do with my job or even the hotel. Those tours were entirely separate businesses."
"I took his black card, went to guest services, picked up a pamphlet, and booked the tour."
"He tipped me $250 dollars. Totally worth it!"
- jreed356
People have all sorts of interesting tastes and needs when it comes to food, so some wild orders can come through the kitchen from time to time.
At least this leaves servers with some interesting stories they can tell over and over again, which is more than many people get in other lines of work.
We know that not all relationships are destined to last forever.
What might begin as an endearing quality becomes annoying, or what starts off feeling like a minor inconvenience might grow to be a serious dealbreaker with time.
Changes like this can end a relationship, and they can do serious damage to the relationship along the way, like to the couple's communication skills, quality time together, and even their sex life.
Redditor Acrobatic_Month_1563 asked:
"What ruins sex life in a marriage?"
The Final Straw
"10,000 little unaddressed disappointments, which drain communication, which fosters negative assumptions, which breeds coldness, which turns to resentment."
"The sex obviously becomes ungood."
- NotSadNotHappyEither
Communication Is Key
"As someone who separated from his wife four.... days ago, communication is a big part of it."
"Communicate clearly that something is wrong, and work to improve little things. Learn about love languages and how to speak your partner's language. I would speak my own to her and she wasn't receptive because she wanted something else."
"Be self-aware so you know when something is bothering you, and tell them right away, don't wait until it's a big deal. Don't be defensive, be open to listening to everything. There's a ton of healthy relationship advice out there but it takes effort."
- crispyconcerto
"Communicating when things are wrong is very important, but it's also a balancing act. There is such thing as communicating too many problems, too often."
"For example, my wife was very very good at pointing out things about me that bothered her. Which is a good thing, normally. But she did it so much, about even the simplest little petty things, that it really made me feel like there was nothing about me or anything I did that was 'right' to her."
"And it also caused me to never point out anything about her that upset me because I didn't want to make her feel the way she was making me feel. So it was just all-around bad: too much communication from her, too little from me."
"And not everything always needs to be a serious, sit-down, heart-to-heart conversation, like, 'Okay honey, I understand now that I didn't center the salt shaker in the middle of the table the way you like it, I'll do it better next time, but do you really need to pull me into the other room and sit me down and have a 25-minute conversation about it, every time?'"
"I think the sweet spot is really somewhere in the middle."
- Asleep_Onion
Stress Goes Both Ways
"Stress. Kids, work, finances, or any other kind of stress. Kiss your libido goodbye until you figure out how to deal with it."
- OrangeMarmalade
"For some people, sex is how they release their stress. For others, they can't have sex if they're feeling stressed. Figure out which you and your partner are."
- JustTheTipAgain
The Nuances of Intimacy
"Not focusing on the intimacy and emotional safety outside the bedroom. The actual act of sex is the shortest part of the sexual process in my case."
- TacoTacoMi
"I've heard it said, 'Foreplay is constant.' Flirting is foreplay, being civil and polite with waitstaff is foreplay, eye contact and reflective listening are foreplay, getting the door is foreplay, bringing a big umbrella on a rainy day date is foreplay, walking them to their car is foreplay, and texting goodnight is foreplay."
"Foreplay begins the moment you begin communicating, so do it wisely and with good intention."
- Crom_Committee
No Emotional Investment
"I will never understand how people can end up with someone they just... don't care about. You don't need to know every single like and dislike, but damn. "What comfort foods my wife likes" should be an easy win."
- Luminaria19
"Dude, I literally overheard this conversation at the grocery store today that makes me wonder how people like this can get married. Let's call them Bill and Dave."
"Bill - What chips are you gonna get?"
"Dave - Uhhh, tostitos with dip."
"Bill - Okay, do your kids like those, though?"
"Dave - I don't know, probably."
"Bill - Well, maybe get them something that they like."
"Dave - Yeah, I'm getting Cheetos, too."
"Bill - Do your kids like those?"
"Dave - Probably, they're Cheetos. I'm sure they like them."
"Then, at the checkout line..."
"Dave - Gotta get some chocolate, it is shark week after all.' Then he proceeds to seemingly pick three chocolate bars at random."
"Bill - Yo, that bar is heavy on the toffee flavor. It's a unique preference, does your wife like toffee?"
"Dave - I don't know, the other two have peanut butter, though."
"Bill - Does she like peanut butter?"
"Dave - Sure, I mean, who doesn't? She likes it once a month at least.' And chuckles."
"Bill has the look on his face like he did the biggest facepalm ever."
"And here I am having online dates cancel on me the day of..."
- TacoTaconomio
Neglected Needs
"If you or your parent neglect each other's needs and fail to communicate, then it becomes a cycle. The time set aside for sex turns into arguments or relationship maintenance and sex falls by the wayside."
"Kids, marriage, getting fat, and not taking care of yourself don’t actively kill the relationship, but they don’t help, but once you stop putting in the effort to please your partner, things stagger on and begin to die."
- KeyStoneLighter
Mental Health Concerns
"Depression."
- SilionOwl
"This is my first thought. We still had an active sex life throughout our kids' childhood. Grief and depression killed our libido. Mine is coming back, but hers isn't. And I don't function unless I feel wanted."
- CountDown60
Relationship Over in One Word
"Resentment."
- lowercaseb86
"A lot of my hetero couple friends have divorced because the guy didn't do housework or childcare. That really builds up the resentment and sex suffers."
- raisinghellwithtrees
Taking Advantage of a Good Routine
"Routine. Unfortunately routine keeps you healthy and mentally focused."
- GiverTakerMaker
"We always have sex in the afternoon on Sunday. Yes, it is a routine but because we both know the routine, we both know not to let people come over or schedule things during that window of time. That's our time. H**l, even our little dog knows to leave us alone then."
- urgent45
When the Chase Ends
"Too many people stop romancing and dating their partners once they get married. Passionless sex is boring and mechanical."
"They say, 'My partner never wants sex anymore.' Well, when's the last time you did anything to help them feel excited about you?"
- v3sk
"I mentioned that to my husband about two and a half years after we married."
"He literally told me, 'I don't have to do that anymore. I married you.'"
"Then there was the excuse of no time and no money. I fixed those problems."
"Then it was, 'I'm too busy. I need to start a business.' So it never happened."
"Over time, my sex drive dwindled, and my resentment grew. Then he was angry about it. That killed it faster."
"Years went by of once-a-week sex, and he was resentful. I was resentful."
"I wanted to fix this. According to him, the whole entire problem was the lack of sex. That will fix everything."
"So you know what I did? I had sex every single day for two months straight. Then we got into an unrelated argument, and he said he never had enough sex during our marriage, and if we both just 'take care of our responsibilities,' everything would be fine."
"So uhm... I guess add entitlement to that."
- Tough_Music4296
Other Obligations
"Kids and work. The whole bedtime routine isn’t exactly a sex-driver, and when they’re asleep, it’s more tempting to just relax after a long day, before falling asleep yourself."
"To get any sex going here, we need to plan for it, and spice things up with lingerie."
- DrAquaSquid
Not That Kind of Roleplay
"Treating your wife like your mother (or a rival sibling) and then expecting them to be attracted to you when you're horny."
- imightbeyourmomma
"Everyone is saying 'the same routine,' but no one is mentioning how absolutely unappealing in every way it is for a man to treat you like you’re his mother/caretaker."
- hec_ramsey
"It should be mentioned more. Though, for the people who read this and decide to get their act together just for sex, don’t bother."
"It isn’t hot either when you know the adult you live with is only putting the dishes in the dishwasher to get sex, rather than respecting the life you are building together."
- nothing_is_perfekt
Chronic Pain
"Constant joint pain. Nothing kills the mood more than getting interested and then having shooting pain in the shoulder or knees."
"Sucks getting old."
- DistinctRole1877
Not Enough Variety
"Not trying new things, years of the same thing can end up with the mind (and some other things) wandering. Not saying it has to be frequent, but occasionally mixing it up is good."
- MonkeyDDeclan
Weak Promises Aren't Sexy
"When they no longer are a person of their word. Few people mention how damaging things like that are to attraction."
"To elaborate a slight bit, my mind was talking more about when someone stops following their dreams, gets complacent, says they'll do better for themselves, AND DOES NOT because they don't take themselves seriously."
- just-going-with-it
"Yes, it was bad enough that he did not value his word, but totally broke my heart when he had the same approach with the kids too. If you don't mean it, don't say it. Worse, don't promise it."
- Experiments-Lady
As fun as relationships are meant to be, they are a lot of work, as well, and require not only continuous commitment to their partner but to keeping the relationship healthy, as well.
Couples who continue dating each other, respect one another, and adapt their relationship with the times are probably the ones who are going to be the most successful and happily married.
Communication and trust are keys to a long-lasting relationship.
But even the best relationships are not without their secrets. Depending on the situation, some information is better left unrevealed so as to protect the relationship.
But is that a violation of trust–even if ignorance is bliss?
That's something that was explored after Redditor spinx248 asked:
"What’s a secret you’ll never tell your spouse or SO?"
Redditors came clean with their emission admissions.
"Remember when we were engaged and visited your mom in the hospital, and she let a fart so rank that your eyes watered and we still talk about it 20 years later?"
"That was me."
– Sarah-JessicaSnarker
It Was Coming From Inside The House
"That I farted and him checking the entire house as well as asking the neighbors if they smelled anything because he thought 'it could be a gas leak' was a waste of time."
– missnewbooty_
These secrets kept the relationship alive.
Monster-In-Law
"Her mother was interfering in our marriage constantly."
"I had an appointment with a lawyer to talk over options for divorce because I couldn't stand it anymore."
"Then her mother died suddenly. Heart attack."
"After the funeral, things got better...and here we are now married for 3 decades."
"She doesn't need to know."
– toTheNewLife
Early Bird
"How we really met…"
"He thinks a mutual friend decided to play matchmaker, which is true, but not the full picture."
"A friend of mine sent screenshots of my SOs dating app profile saying 'I’ve just found your future husband' some light googling led me to discover we shared a mutual friend, I spoke to him and he played matchmaker."
"6 years later, I’m never telling him that I basically stalked him first…"
– caca_milis_
There's no harm in keeping these private.
Potential Game-Over
"That I left the Nintendo Switch you gifted me on a bus. The Switch that you see me using is a replacement that I bought on ebay."
– TurtleGlobe
Pretend Hero
"Sometimes when I shake the kleenex outside, the spider isn't in it."
– ALighterShadeOfPale
"Hahaha once my husband captured a spider i was too scared to get. I was cowering down the hallway when inheard him say 'oops' then a slightly insincere"got 'em" but just a beat too late to be true."
– nebbeundersea
Redditors hid their clumsy attempts to make things right.
H2O-ohhh
"That one time when went camping for 3 nights I left the garden hose on at home full blast and we got a $700 water bill."
– poppinwheelies
Clumsy Repair
"That I chipped our wonderful granite quartz counter (that he picked out) and filled it with white putty. I will take this to my grave."
– Arrowings
Ignorance is bliss, forever and always.
Secret Ingredient
"Early on in our relationship, I made breakfast for my then Girlfriend and her kids using some pancake mix she had in the pantry. After making the pancakes and serving to them, I went to mix up a little more to make mine...and I realized there were some maggots in the dry mix."
"They were pretty much done eating, and telling me how good they were...I decided that ignorance was better than telling them. Taking that one to my grave."
– camafu
Secrets are tricky, but like all other types of confidential information, they have a tendency of slipping out.
A possible breakup can either be blamed on the nature of the secret itself or the deception of concealing it from a significant other.
If you have a secret you're keeping from your loved one, you may want to consider if it's worth coming clean.
On one hand, it can be risky if a hurtful truth can jeopardize the relationship. But think of the advantage of voluntarily owning up to the truth and earning more respect from your SO.
Something to think about.