Pilots Reveal The Strangest Things They've Seen While Flying
If you're flying 25,000 feet in the air you may as well be in a completely different world. Your perspective of the Earth is so skewed that you cannot see the world the same as everyone else. You're soaring high. Things get different. Things get...crazy. Airline and fighter pilots from all over shared the most insane things they've witnessed in the skies above when they answered Reddit user, u/WalterWhiteRabbit, who asked:
[Serious] Pilots of Reddit - what is the strangest or most unexplainable thing you have seen in the sky while flying?
Something's Keeping Pace With Us
I was a first officer at a regional airline, and we were flying Halifax to NYC. Over the ocean, I looked out my captain's window and saw this greenish looking object a couple miles off *seemingly keeping pace with us. It like metallic green, like the unfinished metal you see on a plane before it is painted. It also had a contrail, but it looked weird, almost like it was on fire. It was small like a fighter jet, and outpacing us
Then before our eyes it started to break apart. I realized then that it must have been a decent sized meteor, with pieces breaking apart and flames shooting out the back
Edit to add: by keeping pace I mean it didn't shoot across the nose or anything, it definitely had some speed on us, but there were no external queues to give an idea how much faster, though it didn't seem like a lot. It was also in a shallow descent
What Kind Of Triangle Did You Fly In?
Pilot here: once had my engine sputter and die for no reason in a small Cessna... refused to start back up.
glided into a landing in a nearby field ..checked fluids...checked mix...
everything was fine so i turned the key...it roared up, and I cautiously flew back home.
Had a mechanic tear it apart later that week and couldn't find anything...
I guess sometimes engines just...don't
Flying A Little Too Close To Home
Was flying in a Grob 109 and I usually just turn off the engine and let it glide. Anyways, I'm flying in Southern Arizona and I feel my aircraft shaking and a thundering noise. I look up and this a10 warthog flys by very fast and way too close. This causes my plane to shake a lot and sends my plane all over the place. This was very strange because what that a10 pilot did was very dangerous and illegal, also the closest air Force Base was like 80 miles away. That pilot also made no attempt to communicate with me and I wasn't in any flight paths or no-fly zones.
Very strange encounter indeed
...When you fly through heavy precipitation or areas of high electrical charge (like a thunderstorm) at high speed, the airplane will build up an electrical charge with will discharge in cool (totally harmless) lightning bolts across the windscreen. If you get really lucky though it will cause the metal parts (like exposed metal on the windshield wipers) on the outside of the plane to glow blue with electrical discharge. The best I've seen it though was one night as we picked our way through a line of thunderstorms over the Dakotas.
Pretty much whole plane was glowing, with a large blue jet of electric discharge coming off the nose. It looked like we were flying with a blue-ish landing light on in a rainstorm, only we didn't have our landing lights on.
"Under Human Control"
I spent nearly ten years as a Navigator operating fighters, on one occasion we tracked an object that initially was about thirty miles out and rapidly accelerating, turning and jinking in a way that would have put G forces on its pilot that would have G-LOC'd them.
When it jinked away we would turn in to get the nose on him, it would jink away again in a very rapid manner. It reacted to our maneouvres.
So it was under intelligent control and impressing my pilot with its direction changes and speed. When we lit the burners and went supersonic it ran away from us rapidly and within ten seconds I had lost radar contact.
When you're at Mach 1.1 and the contact accelerates like you're standing still it gets your attention.
Could have been little green men, could have been an [experimental] aircraft. Pretty impressive whatever it was.
Blowaway Construction Site
Soaring over the Mojave Desert, I saw a blink, blink, blink... in the near distance at about 3000 feet. I flew over to see what it was. It looked like a 4x8 sheet of plywood or paneling that was light on one side and dark on the other. It was flipping over and over in a thermal. Once I figured out it was solid, I didn't try to get close.
I presume a really strong dust devil went through a construction site and something unlikely happened.
Portal To Another Place
Not unexplainable at all, but it was creepy AF when I was trying to fly home...
We were in quickly forming convective activity and lightning struck between my plane and the runway. It looked like reality cracked. For a moment I thought something was going to seep into our world.
I Know What I Saw
Flying a Cessna 172 I saw a man in an orange jumpsuit with a jetpack fly over me while I was at an airfield, about 300 ft or so.
My instructor didn't believe me and I couldn't find him when I turned around but I know what a saw dammit.
The Biggest Flat Balloon Ever?
I was in the air over Southern California/Arizona near Yuma last summer. I was flying at about 8,000 feet in a small prop airplane around noon. I noticed this shiny object off our left wing. It looked similar to a metallic magic carpet, so I assumed it was a Mylar balloon that had popped and was floating around. As I got closer to it I realized it was HUGE! this thing was at least as big as our aircraft was, and it was keeping pace with us (about 160 mph) with zero form of propulsion anywhere on it.
We continued to get closer to observe it, got within about 300 feet and called air traffic control to let them know and ask if there were any military drones in the area. They responded negative and I got the chills, didn't dare get any close. Still boggles my mind trying to think about what it could have been.
Flying Among The Falling Stars
Corporate pilot. I fly at 45,000 feet a lot. Anything over 43,000 and it just gets creepy. The wind noise gets really quiet and the airplane starts to make strange noises. Passengers never seem to notice though.
The noises are really the result of the bulkheads and aircraft skin expanding/stretching because of the pressurization. It's still creepy.
When I flew freight, most of my flying was done at night and in Canada we saw quite a few meteors that appeared to be really close to us.
Satellites As Friends
Military helicopter pilot here (MV-22s, USMC). I fly with night vision goggles a lot. Away from cities (think like middle of the ocean), you see an INSANE number of meteorites in the night sky.
I also see what I can only assume are satellites-- fast moving single point light sources with no strobe (flashing light; an airplane would have a flashing light) constantly. Again, this is all under the aid of NVGs.
No Drone Can Go That High...
Happened a few months ago. Was cruising along at 24,000 ft and spot something out of the corner of my eye. Look up and there was something small and drone like to the left of our flight path.
By the time I grabbed the controls to decide if I was going to kick off the auto pilot, we zoomed past it like it was stationary. It just passed our left wingtip. Both myself and FO were WTF? Neither of us were certain but we were pretty sure such a small drone couldn't make it to that altitude with the thin atmosphere and -30c temperatures.
Googled it later and they can go nowhere near that high.
I used to fly a Hawker 748 up in uncontrolled airspace in Northern Ontario and Manitoba. In the summer the polar bears come off the ice of the Hudsons Bay and stay on the mainland.
We would follow the coast 50 ft off the deck and on a good day you could see a hundred of them or so. They did not appreciate it. They would look up at you for a glance and then start running!
Oh Yeah...Meteors Can Hit Us
Flying Cessna 182 from Arizona to California at night.
Big ass meteorite shot past us at about 100ft in front of our plane. It was a really neat to see.
Then I realized it could of hit us. Kind of freaked me out.
Going Nowhere Fast
This one isn't really unexplained, but funny.
It was a rather windy day. I was on the ground in a Cessna 152 just after my pre-flight checks, running the engine up. To my left, about 10 meters away was a bird frantically trying to fly forward against a headwind. It had zero airspeed. It tried for about 1 minute to hopelessly fly forward before giving up and letting the wind carry it across the taxiway and out of my view.
Saw a cigar shaped object at about my 2 o'clock once during my student solo a few years back. Multiple others were reporting it too, it looked like a submarine in the sky.
Scared the sh-t out of 16 year old me, and haven't seen anything like it since. It was moving in very odd directions and was not communicating with anyone. The several others that saw it had no idea what it was either. Reported it to ATC and they advised us to steer clear because they were unsure of what it was.
Wasn't a blimp or anything else I've ever seen in the sky.
Sounds Like A Kubrick Movie
When I was about 7, I was sitting next to my father in the glider he was flying. We flew past a mountain, and I could see a lake at the top of it. There was another glider, completely vertical, nose down, hovering above the lake. Its only movement was to slowly spin about its axis, like it was dangling from a string in the sky.
Being a dumb kid, I didn't understand the impossibility of this sight, so I didn't point it out to my father. Still have no idea what the f-ck I saw.
The Desert Sun Is A Trickster
I used to fly small airliners in the grand canyon. We would regularly see sundogs, false reflections, mirages of las vegas in the air, and double suns. The reflectivity of rising hot air and of rainy weather creates really crazy visual illusions at times.
Come On, Man. Gross.
Some idiot on the old San Mateo bridge waving his d-ck at us.
Falling For It...
One time I was flying a Cessna 152 by myself on the coast of Florida and saw an oval shaped thing flying in the distance in front of me so I got closer and closer and started to freak out because it looked like it wasn't moving then eventually I saw fins sticking out of it and "Goodyear" on the side and felt like an idiot.
...and Getting The Heck Out Of The Sky
On one particularly sweltering summer in Michigan, the temperature was approaching triple-digits with lots of humidity. I decided to hop in a 172, climb up to 10,000 feet, open up the windows, and fly around for awhile to cool off.
I eventually got up to altitude, opened the vents up, and was enjoying the nice cold blast of fresh air. After about 10-15 minutes, I witnessed a large, swollen, disfigured clown's head fly past the right side of the airplane.
After determining I was in fact not suffering from hypoxia, I turned around to see what the hell had flown past my airplane.
My eyes had not deceived me. It was indeed a large, swollen, disfigured clown's head.
Apparently, someone had let go of their helium-filled party balloon. The pressure differential between the inside of the balloon and the outside atmosphere at 10,000 feet caused it to stretch and distort into an unholy clown mutant from hell.
Books are life. Recently studies have been published that reading for fun, reading for knowledge, just interest in reading in general is down, and that is a tragedy.
We've become too obsessed with our binge watching and ADHD mindset that we've lost focus on one of life's greatest joys... literature.
There are some stories and books that should be a mandatory read for life. There should be age benchmarks that require knowledge of certain books in order to progress. I know, how "1984" of me. ;)
Redditor u/bugtanks33d wanted to hear about what literature we should all be familiar with sooner than later by asking:
What's a book everyone should read at least once in their lives?
One of my favorite books is "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." It was a key element in unlocking what I could see with my imagination. No adolescent should go beyond sixth grade without knowing it. What else?
"ANNOUNCEMENT FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE READING THIS THREAD:"
"MANY OF THE BOOKS MENTIONED HERE ARE IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND IN AUDIO BOOK FORM. GO THROUGH YOUTUBE/RANDOMHOUSE/AUDIBLE/OVERDRIVE FOR ALL THE CLASSICAL GOODNESS YOU WANT."
"It almost totally eliminates the financial/time commitment that many will cite for not picking them up. I listen to books on double speed all the damn time. I am working my way through "A Tale of Two Cities" now."
Meaningwondering simon cowell GIF by X Factor GlobalGiphy
"Man's search for meaning - Viktor Frankl."
"The Phantom Tollbooth."
"Milo: "Many of the things I'm supposed to know seem so useless that I can't see the purpose of learning them at all."
"Princess of Sweet Rhyme: "...what you learn today, for no reason at all, will help you discover the wonderful secrets of tomorrow."
"Johnny's Got His Gun. It's so intense, but it's so good. Metallica's song One is based off this book. Guy has his arms and legs blown off, goes blind and deaf, and is left to live like that. I only read it once, but it's forever engrained into my memory. It hits you like a freight train."
"Surprised I haven't seen it here already so I'll add it... The Brother's Karamazov by Dostoyevsky. In Slaughterhouse 5 Vonnegut said it could teach everything that we needed to know about life, except that wasn't enough anymore."
"If the only thing that book did was make you marvel at how people centuries and oceans removed from you in time and place, could experience the exact same emotions about life as you did, it would be worth the read. There's so much more to it, but Dostoyevsky had such a knack for digging deep into universal human experience. And it's just a hell of a good story too."
Classicsdiva read GIFGiphy
"Speaking as somebody who isn't religious, the literary value of the Bible (and the Hebrew Bible) is severely underrated."
I took a class on it in college, with a prof who'd once allegedly gotten into a bar fight over Beowulf. We would sometimes spend half a class discussing a single verse or two because there's so much stuff going on under the hood."
I know so many of those. And sadly, I'm already behind in my studies. I love books and I'm always on the path to find more to consume. Let me ready my already lengthy list.
WARWar Shockwave GIFGiphy
"All Quiet on the Western Front. Everyone should have to reckon with the reality of what war actually means."
"Night, by Elie Wiezel. It is absolutely heartwrecking , and I hated every moment of reading it, which is exactly the effect it is supposed to have."
"Came here looking for this one. I had to read it back in high school and it blew me away how moved I was by it. Stories like his need to be remembered for all time, no matter how hard it is to get through (emotionally-speaking; it's actually quite an easy and short read). I'm so grateful that my English teacher assigned it."
"The Westing Game."
"A Librarian here, such a terrific book. I have gotten so many kids to read it by hooking them with the fact that the reader can play the game and has all of the clues. And good luck as it is fiendishly clever."
All the Good Crazy
"The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. Such a great book."
"Oh my god yes. I love this book for being the sex, drugs and rock and roll of the classics world. It is lengthy but has revenge, treasure, plots and schemes and drugs. There is nothing stuffy about this classic."
"The Giver- that book made my 9-10 year old mind really think about what was important in society. It was the first time the idea of "good" things having a negative consequence was presented to me. I think what makes it work is that we are learning how this whole society really works along side a character who has lived in it his whole life."
"As the facade of the utopian society begins to fall away to show devastating consequences of the "perfect life and society" the reader not only feels their shock but the main character's shock. This was a book I read in school 4 times- once in 5th grade and once in 10th for English and then in both high school and college sociology classes. This book written for 9-13 year olds made for great discussions."
Good and Bad of Liferead ford GIFGiphy
"The Grapes of Wrath and/or Of Mice and Men. Both are heartbreaking, but not for the sake of being heartbreaking - instead they provide a glimpse of how freaking hard life can be, but also how beautiful it can be."
That is a lot of good advice. And a lot of great storytelling and advice giving. Did anyone miss anything that should be there? And make sure you read anything by Harlan Coben, he's a fav.
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It's always our high school dreams, as shown by every high school teen movie ever, to marry the popular girl or the jock. But high school is high school for a reason; life does not really last outside of the walls of high school in the way it did within.
Jocks tend to fall off their athletic bandwagons. The popular girls have a hell of a time making their way in the working world when their popularity means nothing. People's lives sometimes completely freeze in place.
Or sometimes those people really do completely change, and live their lives for the better.
Here were some of those answers.
"My mom was the elite Atlanta debutante and lived a very cushy life at a budding Miami country club. Beautiful and very popular at the private school. My dad grew up on a farm in Virginia. They weren't poor but they were definitely not refined."
"Eventually my father's family made it down to Miami after selling the farm. He became the lifeguard at the country club pool where my mom spent days lounging about."
"My parents say they saw each other and that was it. The scandal was great - the debutante and the lowly lifeguard...."
"They just celebrated 54 years of marriage. My 'lowly' lifeguard father made quite the life for my mom regardless of what all those elite twats said was going to happen."
"She gladly left the country club life for him and they are still so utterly in love it's crazy. He carries a photo of her at the pool where they met. The only references she makes to being 'that girl' are that they proved everyone wrong."
"They are beautiful and I love their story."-wadinglimpkin
Just Because He's Hot Don't Mean He Can't Be Smart Too
"Not me but my mom married my dad who who was hot sh*t. They met in college when he was an absolute hellion."
"But since then he became a doctor, still a really fun dude. He's also a licensed contractor so when he was bored he built a 6000 square foot barn in our backyard over 10 years completely on his own."
"Absolutely stand up dude."-GravityMyGuy
"I married the cool girl. Super athletic, everyone was her friend. We started dating in high school."
"She's kept up everything people loved about her. Nowadays she isn't as interested in other people, and focuses on herself, her career, us and our future."
"We're planning to buy a house and have kids soon. I'm the breadwinner today but I'm not so sure if that'll be true in a few years lol"-WakeAndVape
See, not all the cool kids go on to have horrible, boring lives after. Sometimes the cool kids were cool because they deserved it.
"As it turned out, I married one of the mean girls, didn't go to her school, didn't find out she was considered that until after the divorce. That's how it turned out."
"Then I dated one of the cool chicks. Did go to her school, did know she was considered that. And she was the most amazing human being I've ever known. That one didn't work out either."
"Now I'm just retired from relationships for a bit, strike 3 would kill me right now."
"This was very therapeutic. I have friends and family that are awesome. Hopefully, I'll have more Someday. For now it's me and my kids I'm focusing on."-read110
A Tale Of Strength (On The Outside)
"My mom was the cool girl all through high school, undergrad, grad school. But life didn't go that well. For most of her life, she had to be caring for someone in the family who was ill, and that took a huge toll on her."
"First it was her dad, then it was me (I had childhood illnesses), then her in-laws in quick succession, then her dad again, and finally she had to nurse my dad until he passed away from a terminal illness."
"She was meant to be social and have fun, and instead she was forced to be around sickness and sadness for her best years."
"But she is a very happy and mentally strong person in general who made the best of things. She hosted a lot of people and events."
"My house growing up was full of people visiting and having fun. She's very charming and easy to talk to, and has a lot of fans all the time."
"Though, my siblings and I find her social side rather annoying. She isn't like that with us, and she tells us her charming side is just an act, and the real her is the lady who is constantly critical of us 'for our own good.'"
"She likes having groupies hanging around, people who are happy to take her help and be grateful to her. She has very few friends who could be considered her equals."
"She also expects a lot from other people and is constantly disappointed. She wants to be the center of everything. She doesn't know to be a guest at anything, she somehow ends up running every event she's invited to."
"She sincerely believes she's helping, but it's just disrespectful sometimes and when we tell her that, she doesn't get it."
"She likes to dominate everything and make decisions for everyone. We joke that if the prime minister was her friend, she'd somehow end up running the country for him."-sensitiveinfomax
Sometimes, Chase The Waterfalls
"My mum was the nerdy girl who got all the As and had zero social skills, and somehow managed to start dating my dad who was the popular, good-looking guy who everyone thought would peak in high school."
"She was actually advised by her family and friends that he wouldn't give her the future she was hoping for. They got married at 19, had me when they were 20, and while they were pretty broke the first few years of my life, he paid for my mum to attend law school, started his own business and 25 years later with 3 kids, they're still so in love and have a pretty cushy life."
"My dad actually met one of the loud voices who told my mum she was making a big mistake marrying him, and she had said how she always knew he would turn out well, which he found hilarious."-samknowsbest8
"Found out recently (30 M) that my dad was extremely popular in highschool from my aunt. I had no idea he was an all-star football player with lots of college offers and was prom and homecoming king."
"Never talks about it, but he's doing well. 2 kids, a dog, and a loving wife, imo he's still winning."-ZoatDGoat
And what counts as successful in high school doesn't necessarily count toward success in later life.
What Kind Of Woman?
"My brother was one of the hottest guys in high school and went on to be a model. He's still cool and hot to many but now he's a bit fat."
"He's my brother so ewww on the hot part in my opinion. But women still swoon and he's so obnoxious. Think Matt Dillon, etc…. Era."
"He got dumped by his model 17 years younger wife for a 26 year old. He has impossible standards and it's making him miserable. He's into these flashy shallow women. Overall he's doing really well and his business is thriving."-RunRevolutionary9019
Always Take The Risk
"I sat next to the popular guy every day pretty much for five years and I was so afraid of speaking to him. I'd watched him and his friends picking each other up and shoving the chosen one into lockers, or chasing each other round into a pile on and throwing their shoes at each other. Typical school sh*t."
"They were rowdy and loud and intimidating, but he was the quiet yet seriously funny one and I crushed on him HARD for years. He remembers me as the little blonde girl who didn't speak to anyone (because I was so anxious all the time)."
"He also protected his sister from some a**holes every break time and she'd come to find him for safety from bullies."
"Should have spoken to him sooner when school finished, because we have the same music taste and we get on well enough now at 26 that we have a 6 month old daughter together, my daughter from a previous relationship and we just got engaged last weekend. I adore him, he's handsome, charming and funny and I would do anything for this man as he would for me."-hospital-flowers
High School Never Ends
"I married the Student Council President/ Prom King. He jokes that he peaked in high school. Graduated 20 years ago. He dropped out of three colleges and hasn't found a career path he is passionate about."
"He hates his job, but he's actually really good at it. He's kind of trapped in it because it would be incredibly difficult for him to find a new job without a degree."
"He's a good husband. He's an amazing father. He struggles with anxiety and some depression. A lot of self-doubt. He's incredibly social and the pandemic hit hard."
"He's put on weight and hates his body. He admits that he worries about what other people think of him and wants people to like him."
"He's introspective and wants to be a better person, but anxiety gets in the way sometimes. He married a theater nerd lol, but we didn't meet until college. I felt a little intimidated by his popular past, but he's very down-to-earth."-madestories
We really want our lives to fit neatly into these stereotypes, but at the end of the day, we are all just people repeating a cycle of wanting more for ourselves over and over again. We can't shove that into a stereotype.
Even the student council president, the prom king, the homecoming queen, and the jocks can't run away and hide in a single identity forever. Life makes you into a more rounded person whether you want to be one or not.
Movies' strong focus on creating drama through conflict inevitably has lead to countless on screen deaths.
Some of those movie deaths occur to minor characters we don't care much about (enter Wilhelm Scream). Nonetheless, they can still pack a punch if the manner of the death was gruesome or sad enough.
On the other side of the coin, a death doesn't have to be spectacular to create drama if it happens to a character we've grown to love throughout the film.
And sometimes, a beloved character faces a gruesome end. That's the double whammy.
Redditor Boston_Strong_CQB241 asked:
"Out of all the deaths you seen in movies, which one really stands out to you as the worst?"
Many Redditors recalled the deaths that drew their intensity from the connection they'd felt with the character who did the dying.
And, yes, sometimes the manner of death only heaped on the drama.
"The soldier in Saving Private Ryan that had the knife slowly plunged into his chest after a hand to hand fight and he was begging the other soldier to stop. Intense."
That Etched Wooden Beam
"The old man (Brooks) who hangs himself from The Shawshank Redemption."
" 'Get busy living or get busy dyin.' "
A Very Different Boxing Film
"Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby. Almost becoming World Champion, then paralyzed, her family only caring about the money she won from boxing, then having her limbs chopped off because of bed sores that got infected."
"All this just to be put down as a act of kindness like the story she foretold of her dog she grew up with. I will never watch that movie again."
Stoic Until She Wasn't
"Vesper Lynd drowning in 'Casino Royale.' That moment when she goes serene and calm, to a panicky and frenzied last gasp for air.... that really bothered me."
Others were spooked by the pure violence of some onscreen deaths. They could barely watch the gruesome moments when they erupted.
But now they can't forget them.
Slam, Slam, Slam
"That f**king wine bottle scene in Pan's Labyrinth. The casual brutality is so horribly realistic." -- Darth_Mufasa
"My jaw dropped the first time I saw it and it still haunts me. In fact, that movie gave me nightmares for two weeks" -- TheSilverCrystal
"The curb stomp." -- AUTheatreNerd
"American History X. The curb stomp. It haunts me." -- DigitFisher
"Ryan Reynolds getting his insides eaten out by an Alien in the horror movie Life. It still traumatized me."
And some people recalled the deaths they witnessed as children movie-watchers. All grown up now, they still can't unsee those old images.
"That shoe from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, it was so happy and friendly and then it gets slowly dipped to death. The smoke and its cries of pain are burned into my mind 25+ years later."
"Artax in the swamp of sorrows. Made me cry so much as kid, Atreyo was so hopeless." -- kirby60
"Don't you dare do this to me right now" -- OmgOgan
Multiple Movies' Worth of Sadness
"Stoick from How to Train Your Dragon 2, I still cry every time I even think about it, and the flashbacks in the third movie just break me, great trilogy. Full of emotion and great everything, best Dreamworks movies, in my opinion"
The worst part is that this is only a small handful of the tragic movie moments that are out there. And we have so many unknown future deaths we'll see too.
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It might feel like a challenge to come back at someone who has just insulted you, but it's easier than you think.
What's the most memorable comeback you've heard in your life?
No one knows you like your family, hence why they're usually the one who know the best way to eviscerate you using only their words. Anyone with an older brother and/or sister knows what's going on with these comebacks.
She Can Stay
"My son and his newlywed wife were poor college students living out of state. When I went to visit them I took them to the grocery store and let them fill up a couple of grocery carts that I paid for. As we were leaving the store I said, "Now, when your kids are poor married college students trying to get by, don't forget this". My new daughter-in-law piped up and said, "Oh we won't forget. We're going to tell them to go get grandpa!" Haa haaa haaa...I love that gal."
Got That Sacred "Dad Laugh"
"I don't care if it's self-congratulatory, I'm proud of this one:
"Having dinner with my dad and older sister. I got straight As in school or something, and she's doing the older sibling thing."
"Sister: You may have gotten the book smarts in this family, but *I* got the street smarts."
"Me: The corner doesn't count."
"Dad: *chokes whiles laughing*"
Oh, Good Lord...
"My uncle to my husband. "When are you guys having a kid?"
"My husband. "Please don't ask me about my sex life with your niece"
Like, in public. Where people are. Other people. People you don't know, who might just be going about their day-to-day business, and they just so happen to hear someone being roasted alive?
What's Keeping You Alive, Grandpa?
"Was standing behind these two older adults and this teen girl at the gas station last year. She was on her phone and the guy snapped at her for "not knowing how to live without technology" and without looking up she went "don't you have a pacemaker?".
When The Store Hates You...
"Someone yelled out in a Walmart , "I'm not ashamed of who I am".
"Another voice echoed back, "that's your parents job"
You Would Really Walk Up To Someone You Don't Know And Say This?
"Young pregnant co-worker had a stranger stare disapproving at her in a restaurant, then walk up and say "pregnancy isn't very becoming on you." She replied, "well, being a nosey rude bi*ch isn't becoming on you, but here we are."
And then there's these clapbacks. Unplanned, zero preparation, and with little prior knowledge, there needs to be a call placed to some local medical center with how much damage was done with these comebacks.
If You Pantsed It, Fix It
"My friend got pantsed, underwear and all at a party. Instead of pulling his underwear and pants up, immediately, he just kept going about his business, while hanging dong. Those of us that knew him already thought it was hilarious. The people at the party that didn't know him, looked really uncomfortable due to this dude having his pants and underwear around his ankles, with his wiener hanging freely. Our friend/the host said "dude, why don't you pull your pants up?" Pantsed guy said "I didn't pull them down." Then took his turn in beer pong. The host then found the guy that did pull them down and made him pull our friend's pants back up."
Definitely Seems Like You Got Tricked Here
"When I was working as a bartender one Halloween, I came dressed as an old Western style bartender (complete with mustache and accent). We had the evening split up into a little costume party for kids and families in the earlier hours, and then an adults only costume piss up later on."
"One of the regulars laughed at my costume and said I looked stupid, so I told him"
"You should probably come back after the kids have gone because you've come dressed as a c-nt".
"He didn't talk to me for weeks after that. It was blissful."
That's A Mom Burn! Those Don't Heal!
"I asked my mum out of curiosity what she would do if she found a used condom in my brother's room."
"Her response: "I would remind him that you can't get HIV from your own hand"
"For context, I live in South Africa where HIV is very common"
If you have some ice nearby it might be a good idea to go and grab some.
These burns spread.
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