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I once broke up with a guy because he only ever sneezed in groups of three. I don't know how it happened and it wasn't a thing we ever talked about. I just noticed it one day and couldn't un-notice it. Every single time he sneezed it was always a group of three. If it was sometimes in threes, or even usually in threes, okay fine. But it was always. Without fail. I started to obsess over what ridiculous bodily mechanism went into that... like, how? Sneezing is involuntary, so it's not like maybe he had OCD and threes was his thing. Something in his body made it happen in threes. Yeah, I couldn't get past it. He had to go.


Apparently I'm not the only Petty McPetterson, though. One Reddit user asked about the pettiest reasons for breaking up with someone... and yeah, I feel better. At least it wasn't hummus. Here are some of my favorite responses, edited for language where needed of course.

Mouth Noises

Either chew with their mouth open or make a lot of noise while eating.

- AvellionB

Dirty Ears

I once broke up with someone because he didn't clean his ears (it was actually so gross.) Not in his ears, but like the fold behind his ears. I just kept staring and thinking about it...

- edesedesem

The One

I can't date people who believe in Soulmates™ or the "One".

I can't shake the feeling they're using you as a placeholder until they find their mythical 100% match. Or that they believe relationships with their 'soulmate' wouldn't need actual work or active effort.

- NoRip0

Clubbed Nails Need Not Apply

Fingernails. I don't know how to properly explain this, but there are two types of nails: some people's fingernails don't press into the finger on the sides, and aren't as curved, giving a wider, flatter nail than others. These people's hands creep me the f--- out and I can't stand being touched by people with this type of fingernail. It's ridiculous, and I know it's stupid, but it makes me so irrationally uncomfortable.

- laneyrhi

Accent Issues

Goofy accent. Sorry. I like dirty talk and it doesn't work if I want to burst out laughing.

- murderousbudgie

No Breathing

Loud breathing. Can't do it. I want to tear your airways out and feed them to you if I can hear you breathe.

- catbert359

Hummus

He was allergic to hummus and I f*cking love hummus.

- gritsgirl0389

Nose Hair

Nose hair. How do you not notice you have long pieces of hair sticking out of your nose? Tweezers can fix that sh*t in two seconds.

- TinyPinecones

Hurry Up

I once broke up with someone because he tied his shoes too slowly. Like he just...took forever to make the bow? He was bent over for almost a full minute every time. Inexplicable.

- Ladsholiday2k17

Halloween Hater

I just went out with a guy last week and asked him what he was for Halloween last year and he said "an adult". Dealbreaker. I'm an adult everyday, including Halloween.

- blackaubreyplaza


H/T: Reddit

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