
They say revenge is a dish best served cold, and I guess that's true for major stuff. Like if someone assasinates your lord, leaving you and 46 of your homies as ronin samurai and then dude takes your girl, too then OBVIOUSLY you devote yourself entirely to plotting and exacting your revenge. Don't even get me started on the merciless vengeance that you can expect if you mess with John Wick's dog. If Hollywood has taught us anything, it's not to anger Keanu Reeves. He's just out here trying to live his life in peace, so he may seem like an easy target, but he WILL end you without even breaking a sweat. There's no sweat in revenge this cold.
But what about the minor annoyances life has to offer? Do they really deserve cold revenge? What about petty lukewarm revenge? Can it be just as delicious? Short answer: YUP. One Twitter user asked:
What is your most memorable story of petty revenge?
Honestly, these don't need a major introduction. It's a parade of pettiness that made several people cackle wickedly. James, whoever you are and wherever your doughnut fingers may be right now, we hope you're happy with yourself, sir. Yours was perhaps the deepest betrayal.
50. Concrete Pumpkin
I have a friend whose pumpkin\fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. It happened every year. Friend decided to put a stop to it.
He withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.
The jack@ss broke the axle of his sh*tty car when he hit that pumpkin and could not drive away. My friend had his car towed away, too.
49. Lunchwars
My coworker throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can't stand the smell of old ketchup that's been sitting out for a couple hours. I've asked her several times to stop, but she will then just wait until I get up to go to the bathroom and do it, and hide my garbage can under my desk so she thinks I won't see it. There's no reason for it. The cafeteria offers lids for the ketchup cups, so she could just put the lid on it and throw it away - but she refuses to get lids and insists on leaving her food garbage to stink up my area.
Now, when she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There's 6 in there now, the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn't noticed the smell. Gonna keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice.
- Brunurb1
48. Ring The Alarm
In response to an (admittedly pretty good) practical joke, I hid seven battery powered alarm clocks in the perpetrators room. Set them to go off one by one roughly every 40 minutes between 2 and 6 AM. Last one was hid in the ceiling.
47. Pay The IT Guy
Someone owed me $50 and refused to pay, so being in IT I reduced their Mailbox size so they could only hold around 10 e-mails, removed them from distro groups so they missed important group e-mails, and every day for like 3 months I went to their account and checked the little box "Must change password at next login"(We used an elaborate pw scheme).
46. The Austin Powers 20-Point Turn
There's a new truck in my apartment's parking lot. Whoever owns it always parks it taking up multiple spots, ALWAYS. Weird angles, close to the stairs, all over the place (no assigned parking unfortunately). Months of this.
I drive a much smaller car than that, and I'm petty/passive aggressive, I've been waiting for my chance. A few days ago was my shot.
I got home quite late and there were zero spots open in my lot. Big truck is parked across 2 spaces again, but there's juuust enough room on their driver side for me to sneak in there with my little clown car. I carefully pull in, making sure not to touch anything, no damage, no nothing. My passenger side mirror is half and inch from their driver side door. I giggled to myself all the way back to my apartment and set an alarm and waited.
The following morning I wake up before the alarm to loud door slamming and stomping around. I check out my window and I see the double parking culprit walking around both vehicles, taking pictures, texting someone, taking more pictures, I'm shaking with glee. They then swallow their pride, let out a visual sigh, and climb in the passenger side, clamber over the center console, and Austin Powers 20 point turn their butts out of the spot.
I've never been so proud of myself and my sh!tty, petty, passive aggressive ways.
- Here2Lol
45. No Labels
My brother did something to his annoy his then-girlfriend. So she took the labels off all his canned food/tins in the cupboards. Are you opening a tin of beans? Or a tin of tomato sauce? Or cat food?
Kinda hilarious.
44. Don't Mess With My Dogs
I found out my then boyfriend was cheating on me. And he threw my dog across the room when we were discussing what he had done. I moved out immediately. More for hurting my dog than anything. So as I was moving out I took his entire porn collection and microwaved them one by one. It only takes 3 second each. Took me about an hour to go thru them all.
I put them back in the case, then back where they belonged. Not sure if the microwave was still usable, did not really care. He was also a manager at a restaurant and would bring home tons of food. They had really nice coolers that the food came in so I called the GM and explained I had moved out and that I wanted to return the boxes. He lost his job. Then I was getting collection calls for him, so I gave them the new girls work and personal number so they could find him. He's her problem now.
Don't mess with my dogs.
43. James Has Doughnut Fingers
Back in the late 90s I worked at Best Buy and one Saturday a month we had to come in 3 hours before the store opened (so 7am) for a mandatory all store meeting where we watch the video from corporate, give out employee of the month awards, go over department goals, and the like.
Well, there was a guy in our department James who was a pretty crappy worker and showed up to the meeting an hour late and the manager took him aside and fired him. Apparently the manager didn't watch him on his way out of the store and he went into the break room and stuck his finger in every single doughnut they brought in for our break. So literally the only mild positive of getting up at 6 on Saturday was ruined.
20 years later and I still miss that doughnut.
42. Brake Check
My friend in high school was such a drama queen but it worked out hilariously sometimes. He was cut off by a driver who had no brake lights and it pissed him off so badly that he followed until a cop was behind, merged around the guy and then brake checked him so the cop would see that he had no brake lights. The holler he let out when the cop pulled the other guy over is still one of the funniest moments of my life.
41. "Broken"
When my wife and brother in law were younger, she got the best petty revenge on him for something they don't even remember. My brother in law did something to irritate my wife back when they were in high school.
My wife turned off the TV, wrote "broken" on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. Took my brother in law several days to figure it out.
- SteevyT
40. Table For One
Went to a restaurant for brunch. Upon receiving my bill I noticed a $3 charge for table linen. As I was leaving I folded up the tablecloth. The waiter said what are you doing? I said, I paid for it I'm taking it home. And I did.
They couldn't very well argue, could they? Even if they called the police, you have a receipt.
39. Tuppence A Bag
I caught my flatmate telling lies about me to some mutual friends. I made plans to move out the next month. In the meantime, she went out of town for a week, and left her car parked in its usual spot in the parking lot. I threw birdseed on it every morning and evening, so when she came home, the birds wouldn't leave her car alone.
It would be amazing if the birds started considering the car their home and protecting it by dive bombing her. Having birds do your bidding is some real super villain type sh!t.
"I suddenly remembered my Charlemagne, Let my armies be the rocks, and the trees, and the birds in the sky."
38. Nesting
My college roommate had a bad habit of leaving her things in piles on our bathroom floor until there was almost no space to walk to the bath or toilet. Not just clothes but change, jewelry, decks of playing cards, knitting needles, books, hairpins, scarves, earbud headphones, keys, etc. One day she left $40 scattered with the mess, so I put the money in one of her lesser-used bathroom drawers.
Originally I put it there to protect it from our third roommate and her friends. When I came home the next day and noticed that she was clearing her mess in an effort to find it, I decided not to tell her where the money was until our bathroom floor was spotless.
Afterwards, I decided it would be too awkward to tell her the truth so I left the money wadded up in her hamper as I'd found it on the floor. She was ecstatic when she found it on laundry day. After that her bathroom piles never got quite as big.
My mom tried to so this with me as a kid. "I've hidden 3 crisp 20s in your room. If you clean up and find them, they're yours. "
Well put them somewhere I can reach woman! First time, one was BEHIND my full bookcase, the 2nd was on a shelf I could not reach but had collectables on it that were bought for me, and 3rd was under my bed... Post. Like my bed was picked up and a small bill was slipped under the leg. I was like 8.
The 2nd time mom tried it, I just tore apart my room. Found 2 out of 3 and made my room 10x worse.
There was no third time.
37. Where's My Money?
My friend did some work for a guy who skipped his bill and never paid him. My friend is so petty he did many things...such as;
Placed fake for sale ads with too good a deal like a nice boat for 1000$ and other numerous ads with the guys number.
Our city is big on garage sales. He posted ads like "moving out sale, everything must go, cheap! Will be held inside the house, just walk in or ring the door bell" then put this guys address on the ad.
He also signed him up for numerous "free gym memberships" and responded to things like car dealership ads with this guys phone number.
He did a lot more, that's just what I can remember. I don't know who I feel more sorry for.
36. Caught Red Handed -- Er, Mouthed
My friend's Sprite kept getting stolen even though she wrote her name all over the can. Finally after the 5th time it happened she got a habanero, cut it open and rubbed it all over the top of the can and left it in the fridge. We found out who the thief was when that afternoon we hear the office drama queen shriek in her cubicle and run to the water cooler. She never stole anything again.
Had someone steal a sandwich out of my lunchbox but leave me a dollar in its place. Thanks, but I am not a vending machine!
The COO of a company I used to work for was asked to resign because it was discovered he regularly entered the storage closet of the on-site (run by a vendor) cafe and helped himself to whatever he felt like.
Edit: Oh! And when confronted, he tried to lie about it. Dude. There are cameras. You're the COO, you know there are cameras.
35. Salty
I've told this one before, but it makes me happy to retell it.
I had a boss 7-8 years ago whom I hated. She was the fakest and most entitled person I had ever met. One day, she decided that she didn't like the smell of microwave popcorn...so she waved her magic office wand and had it banned.
Fast forward a month or so. I was browsing Amazon and found one of those USB sticks that emits a smell when plugged in...the smell of buttered popcorn. I bought it, plugged it into the back of her computer, and she had the sweet smell of PopSecret in her office for six months. She complained almost every day. It's the sweetest revenge I've ever tasted.
34. Game On
Grounded yet again by my Angry Dad for breathing whilst his ballgame was on, I was stuck in my bedroom bored witless. For something to do I flicked the light switches on and off (pre-mobile era folks, we had to make our own fun...). It was then I discovered that this made a loud buzzing static interference on the TV in the lounge. Cue the next 5 years of petty revenge...
Angry Dad never figured out why we had such a bad TV signal at game time, he never connected it with me being sent to my room and flicking the light switch every few minutes, reveling as he yelled futilely at the static dancing across the TV.
33. Want Fries With That?
When I was in law school I went to a bar with a bunch of law school students and decided I wanted a cig - I went outside and a whole bunch of girls are smoking. I don't like to bum cigarettes, but I had a free small fry coupon from McDonald's. I offered it to the girl if she would give me a cigarette, she said okay. I handed it to her, and then she wouldn't give me a cigarette. She said "You shouldn't be so trusting."
Flash forward a few months, and I'm the head GA for the IT for a division in our university, which includes administration. I went up to replace a computer and saw the same girl - she was waiting in line for a job interview. I went up to the person who was conducting the interviews (I was their IT person too) and told them the story.
She didn't get the job.
32. Tides Turned
We were kids staying at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she'd cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly. So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The yowl and the look on their faces was the best revenge ever.
31. The Loud Night
In the dorms at my first base, I got a new suitemate (shared bathroom, separate rooms) that worked a different shift and liked to play loud music all night.
I am an --shole, but I always make an effort to be reasonable first. A week after this started, I am coming back to my room and see him unlocking his door and introduce myself as his suitemate. We chat for a bit, and I eventually say that I am cool with music during the night, but would you mind lowering the volume a bit? He just rolls his eyes and walks in his room.
That night was louder than ever, all night.
I am not one to run to authority figures, nah, I get even. And I escalate quickly. And I was not exactly in the greatest of moods right then. My leave had just been approved so I could go visit my dying grandmother, I had the next week off and I was leaving the state.
I took my computer speaker, turned it up about midway, placed it against our shared wall, and set Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper on repeat the entire time I was gone. It ended up being two weeks because I had to attend the funeral.
I came back after and the dorm manager (who I was cool with) told me I was reported for noise violations, but they determined it was not excessively loud. But the speaker being against the wall to his room made the sound pass right through.
Never had an issue with the dude's loud music during the night again.
30. Luck Runs Out
Guy in an El Camino was aggressively tailgating me in the slow lane. On the highway. Traffic was light so he could have passed easily. I'm in a SUV. I see metal debris in the road ahead of me. I know I can clear it and do. He wasn't so lucky. riverrelic
29. Break the Silence
Dated a guy and later found out he had another girlfriend. Messaged the other girlfriend on MySpace (showing my age here) and told her if she wanted to know the truth it would be better to hear it from him, so please call me and I'll call him on three way calling. She did and stayed totally quiet on the call while he tried to set up some sexy time with me for later that week.
Finally I said "I don't think I can do that, ***** might have a problem with it. Wouldn't you, *****?" She finally chimed in with a nope and a f**k you (to him) and he hung up in a panic. Wished her luck. No idea how it turned out for them, but I blocked his sorry butt and still get a chuckle at the moment of pure fear we heard in the silence before he hung up. CheerFairy
28. That's Not Frosty!
On the first snowfall one year, a coworker balled up a snowball and threw it right in my face in front of the whole office. Everyone laughed and he refused to apologize. So on the next workday it snowed, I gathered a backpack of snowballs and disguised myself as a snowman in front of our work building, waiting for him to arrive. When he did and tried to open the front door I had locked, I burst from my snowman disguise and pelted him repeatedly with snowballs! My fingers and penis were frozen from waiting as a snowman but it was definitely worth it. Laundry-Service
27. No Nice Things...
I used to live with a couple of people who didn't like to do their dishes, the kitchen was always a wreck of just their unwashed dishes for weeks at a time. I just started throwing them out little by little because I figured if there weren't any dishes to use there wouldn't be anything for them to leave dirty. flounderjaw
26. The Slums...
Had a crappy landlord once. Refused to fix windows that were broken before I moved in, basically just a hole owned by a slumlord. Took him to small claims court for a number of reasons, ended up getting my next 6 months paid for at my next apartment. There was a small trap door in the closet floor to access shutoff valves for the plumbing, so before I moved out I got scrap meat from a local butcher ( stuff they can't sell) and placed it in the trap door.
A few months later the place gets condemned due to vermin infestation, gets torn down. This was also before cell phones, so a couple times I got my female friend to call his house when I knew he wasn't home. His wife would answer, my friend would ask for him and act nervous and hang up. gramses_0-0
25. Let him go!
My husband, as a small.child in school, was sick and the teacher wouldn't let him go to the bathroom to throw up, so he went to her desk (where she was sitting) and threw up all over that instead. puppypoet
Reminds me of when I was a kid - was feeling sick, asked mom to let me stay home or go to the doctor, typical 'No you're probably faking' response.
On my way out the front door, I bent over to pet the dog, and proceeded to throw up all over the door, the dog, my little brother, and the bottom three stairs.
Guess she knew I wasn't faking! DEAD_P1XL
24. It's All about the Legos.....
My boyfriend collects Lego and Mini-figures, and once we got into a silly fight so when he fell asleep I removed the heads from all of his Lego figures and hid them in a box under his bed until he apologized.
This was about 2/3 years ago and he found it hilarious (and still does) and we put them all back on together, I wouldn't do it again since his collection is about 3 times the size. penguinloveaffair
23. Eye 2 Eye...
One time my dog came in my room and jumped on the bed while I was sleeping, waking me up. I scolded her and told her to get down. She slowly hopped off the bed, turned to look at me , sat down, and WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT scooted her butt across the floor, leaving a nice little poop mark. Looked away, stood up, left. I miss that little gremlin. cap-n-dukes
22. Kharma served!
I had a childhood bully of mine serve me food at McDonald's. It wasn't like actual revenge, but it was somewhat satisfying seeing a kid who was so cruel to me growing up having to serve me. I don't think he recognized me because I was much skinnier and had a beard now, but I definitely recognized him. -eDgAR-
21. Not MY Pop Tarts!
One of my roommates kept stealing my pop tarts so I ordered a little UV fingerprint powder off Amazon and dusted it over the packaging. Next time a pop tart got stolen I checked all of my roommates door knobs for the powder with a black light and found out who was stealing my breakfast.
Alex you still owe me a box of cinnamon frosted pop tarts you fool. ChildLaborForce69
20. Butt lint?
My brother used to leave butt lint on the toilet seat. Like, there would just be a line of grossness in the spot where your buttcrack is on the toilet seat. I was constantly telling him to wipe it off and he never would. Soooo I started using his toothbrush to clean it up and never told him. It went on for like a year. mrfingerbottom_
19. You! NO YOU!!
This one was truly petty. My dad was driving and we came up on a construction truck driving the other way with a crew in back placing cones in the center of the road as they slowly drove. Just preparing for some construction. Dad slows down and offers some criticism of how they're putting the cones down. I don't even remember what, maybe the cones were a bit far into our lane or something. Construction guy isn't having it, conversation gets a bit heated, dude gives Dad a "f**k you."
"F**k me? No, f**k you."
Dad proceeds to run over cones for an entire mile. Now I would have thought that they would have just gotten a little flattened but the tire was actually throwing them behind the vehicle and frequently a lot to the left or right. Some were thrown completely off the road, all of them were just all over the place.
He was a narcissist. This isn't even remotely the worst or most petty thing he did, it's just one I was there for. Astazha
18. Want to wear Coffee?
When I worked at a cafe, I had one lady come in every day before work and make nasty comments. She was horrible.
"So are you going to school, or is this pretty much it for you?"
She got decaf on Mondays and Tuesdays, then regular for the rest of the week to get her used to it again before starting over the next week. MadTouretter
17. Porn them Away!
Guys next door to me were playing COD or something super loud at night. I got annoyed and noticed they were on a smart tv that wasn't password protected or anything. I pulled up some gay porn and cast it to their screen. They immediately start freaking out and aren't able to get it off screen.
They finally get up and go to the lobby to play games or whatever.
Lobby also has unsecured smart tv. I can still hear them screaming and carrying on. Cast the same porn to that room too.
They leave the building. AceD3sign3r
16. Hurl and Run....
When I was 8 or 9 a kid pushed me down a hill and ran away. I split my forehead open and was pissed. Later that day I saw him come into the bathroom and go into one of the stalls. So I ran outside and grabbed a huge chunk of ice/snow and ran back into the bathroom and kicked the stall door open and hurled it right into his stupefied face, then also ran away. tweak0
15. Leave the Debris...
It's not really revenge I suppose but my fiancé always has the bed made. Like even if I'm poorly and gone downstairs for juice, come back up and it's made.
So when I'm annoyed with her and leaving the house after I'll make sure to leave the bed unmade and send her a picture. Just so I know it'll annoy her for the rest of the day. SwimnGinger-
14. What Friends are For.
My house was on the left side of a dead end street. There was a house at the very end of the street facing the other way with its drive ways attached to a different street on the other side. My roommate would always park in the front of our house on the street but leave enough room for cars to get past because the land lord of the other house graveled his back yard so he could use our street to get to the house. It had drive ways but they were destroyed and very narrow up a hill, had to be repaired to use them.
He left a note on my roommates car stating she can't park there and he would tow her car if she did. I may of gotten irrationally pissed off by this old man trying to bull a house full of college girls. So I did what any good friend would do.
Called my friend was a civil engineer intern for the city and he got the city to put up guard rails at the end of the street so he could no longer use his back yard as an entrance and had to spend the money to fix is drive ways.
Neighbor 1 and 2 were owned by the same slumlord. They are facing the other street, both with drive ways. The red car is my roommate car and she would try to park far enough over to leave enough room as a courtesy, it was tight because the neighbor had a shed in their backyard limiting the space to get in from the street to the backyard. Serennadi
13. I'm crossing you out!
My mum and her friend had a massive fight, and my mum's friend sent a letter to my mum scolding her and pretty much saying "We're no longer friends" and my mum, as an Ex-Teacher, took out a red pen, corrected all the spelling mistakes and grammatical mistakes, and mailed it right back to her. YourApril27
12. Bullseye!
One time this girl at my University started yelling at me because I parked too close to her. She was in her car literally shouting at me the whole time I adjusted the park. When I fixed it she rolled down her window and I did the same. She said "You idiot! You were gonna hit me!" My response was "If I wanted to hit you, I would have."
Like a week later she got into a car accident after rolling through a stop light and lost her license. Karma's a B! Wild__Gringo
11. A Lampoon Vaca....
Family camping trip near the beach in Assateague with 2 couples and our young children. We had a great time until a huge family reunion took all the camping spots around us. Probably 30 adults and 10+ young kids. No problem, we're all on vacation so sure, stay up, drink, party on- whatever. They were another level of loud, arguing, all night long music, fireworks & general craziness. Worse, they put all their children's tent way the hell over on the other side of our two tents.
Every night, they would send their kids( with the older kids as minders) to their tents and those kids cried, screamed, fought and beat each other. Some ran to us for help and we went to the adult group to let them know. They couldn't have cared less. When we left three days hence, my husband and our friend took all our leftover cookies, crackers and bread and spread it through their campsite early in the morning. They called it land chumming and it was glorious. Like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. Antsy38
10. Frat Down!
Not mine but my parents back when they were dating in high school Maui. My father got recruited in a fraternity and they do hazing and crap which is illegal. He couldn't get out of the group as he was threatened. Whenever there's a meeting, my dad would tell my mom and my mom would call the local authorities she would tip their location in exchange, they would let my dad run 😂 it happened several times and they disbanded because of that 🙏 hibiscusity
9. Hello... Crime Stoppers?
An uncle of mine was a serious drug addict and an all around a**hole. When I was a kid it was pretty common for him to steal from my grandparents, including a lot of things they intended to give me when I was older (a coin collection, things like that). There's a long list of things he did over the course of my life to piss me off, but I'll skip to the petty revenge.
I was browsing the local county website and noticed there was a section for active warrants. I wondered if any familiar names were listed so I browsed it and to my complete lack of surprise, I saw my uncle's name listed for something minor. Then I saw the Crime Stoppers number at the top of the page. I knew where he was living at the time and it was anonymous, so what the hell? I called, described him and told them where he was. They gave me a reference number and told me to call back in two weeks.
For the sake of being thorough, I called a relative from the other side of the family who, funny enough, was not only a cop but also in charge of following up on these things. I told him the situation and he said he'd prioritize it.
Two weeks later I call Crime Stoppers for an update and they said the tip did indeed lead to an arrest and asked which post office I preferred. I was confused but I named one. They gave me an alias, told me to give that name to the clerk and there would be a general delivery envelope with $200 cash inside. That part was unexpected but a sweet bonus for sure.
Easiest $200 I ever made. thelivinlegend
7. The Tailgate Avenger!
This was actually the other week. Me and some "friends" drove 5 1/2 hours to another town to watch our university play another. I was going around to hang out with my friends from home, and on the day of the game the ones I came with all ghosted me. They didn't talk to me, left me on read, would decline my calls, etc. So I didn't get my football tickets.
I reported their car for being parked in a Walmart parking lot for over 24 hours and it got towed, so they had to go get their car back while I drove back with another group of students. Insectshelf3
6. Spooned You!
I had a roommate who used a lot of spoons (he ate a lot of pudding, soup, ice cream, yogurt, etc) and would never wash his dishes. I was tired of washing his dishes so I let them pile up in the sink until we got to the last spoon. This one I washed and hid in my room each time I used it. pbfh33
5. Wet your appetite...
Girl told me (not ask) to buy her a drink in college, not against buying a girl a drink but I like to be friends with them or at least offer them first. I said I didn't know her and she starts cursing me out. So I order two shots, I take mine and hand her one and say I felt bad now. Once she reaches out to grab it, I pull it back towards me and take it. The look on her face was amazing. soupoftheday5
4. The Free Spot.
When I rented, the parking lot was assigned parking. My wife and I both had cars so I had to pay extra for the extra spot. First one was complimentary.
We come home around 1am and some idiot is parked in my spot. Not having it, and not wanted to deal with an overnight parking ban on the street, I park behind him perpendicularly to block him in my spot. My neighboring spot was my caretakers, who was the chillest guy I've ever rented from. Shot him a text explaining and to call me if he needed out before me in the morning. He laughed and said all was good.
After about an hour of watching tv I go out for a smoke. Notice this guys car is running. I watch him frantically at 2am looking around for who's car it is. He sees me and starts yelling about it, not knowing it's mine. Says he just wants to go home and doesn't understand why some people gotta be such a**holes. I tell him maybe the owner of the car was mad cuz you were in his spot. Told him some people pay extra monthly for another spot. He gives up and goes back into his buddies unit. I go to inside and go to bed.
Come out in the morning to go out for a bit, guy is sitting on his buddies doorstep. I wave and get in my car and leave. Made that a**hole sit trapped all night till 9am. The look on his face as I entered my car was priceless. SearsActivewear
3. Monster in Law...
My mother in law has a habit of showing up a day earlier than agreed upon. We've had to cancel plans because of her shenanigans.
When our kids were younger one day my husband made plans with MIL and told her repeatedly that he and I were busy the day before. Two days before the agreed visit she messages saying she's excited to see us "tomorrow," hubby reminds her "Saturday, we're busy tomorrow."
Anyway Friday happens. Hubby goes to a work event and is unable to be contacted most of the day. My plans are cancelled due to one of the kids throwing up. Nap time rolls around, I settle the kids down and go to enjoy some quiet internet time when there's a knock at the door. We don't open the lounge blinds a lot because of nosy apartment neighbors, so I was safe from sight. I checked the peephole in case it was the postie, but nah, my mother in law I'm all her annoying glory.
I silently deadbolt the door, sneak to the back door and check the locks. Then I snuggled into my bed with my kids, to keep them calm in case the knocking woke then. I checked the peephole after an hour and saw her sulking on the front step clearly trying to reach hubby in the phone.
Except I had messaged him "your mum is here, I'm ignoring her." So he knew why she was calling and ignored her completely. She finally left just before the kids woke from their nap.
The next day when she arrived she asked what I did the day before and I said "nothing. I was home all day." maybebabyg
2. Shovel It!
Back when I lived in DC, one winter we had ~2ft of snow in a single storm. All the area near me was street parking. Decide to go to the store to pick up some new groceries and start to shovel out my car. couple minute drive to the store, so I hope to be out and back before I can lose the spot. a couple minutes after I start, a lady in one of those Infinity SUVs pulls up and idles 20 ft down the road from me as I shovel. After 15 mins of her idling and several thousand pounds of snow moved, its obvious she is going to take the spot the second I leave.
I decide after all that hard work, I had better eat and warm up before thinking about going to the store and head inside. Drak_is_Right
1. Gotcha!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
I called the bakery I used to work at and asked for my boss/owner who verbally berated me for six months for a super complex cake order. After wasting about 30 minutes of her time, I told her I wanted custom lettering on the cake. I then told her I wanted it to say "I reported you to the IRS for payroll tax fraud :)".
They sold their business about three months ago. thesixwalkingfarts
This is amazing. c_girl_108
Complex cake order? sanveers7
There are surprisingly a lot of moving parts to a catered cake order. You have to find space in your delivery schedule, you have to calculate the materials cost to engineer the structure of the cake so the tier below isn't crushed in transit or just sitting around. You have to make sure there is a two person team.
I ordered a custom french cake known for its many layers with a heavier chocolate and large macaron on top of it. I ordered custom decorations and specific fruit layers (which can ruin the wafer layers if not done properly). At my former employer, you had to coordinate with the american bakers, french bakers, the cookie decorators, the engineer/chocolatier to make a cake like this. thesixwalkingfarts
Working in the dark hours of the night has never been appealing to me.
Those are the club's best hours.
But also, things do go bump in the night.
And in this timeframe is when workers are most alone.
If you're having to work those hours though, try to be in a cheery place.
You know, a location with living bodies, not dead ones.
Redditor give-orange-houses wanted to hear from the people who work while we're asleep. What scares you? They asked:
"Night shift workers of reddit, what is your scariest experience while working?"
So why should we avoid working in the wee hours? I think I already know.
Frozen
"When I was 18 I worked closing shift at BK and we got robbed. Had a gun shoved in my face and they put us in the walk in freezer. They got away with over 10k but the morons stole the managers car and left a gun in it that was registered to one of them. Then he turned on the others."
mrsmith2929
The Morgue
"Taking my first deceased patient to the hospital morgue in the middle of the night. It's in the basement and getting to the morgue wasn't straightforward. There's a lot of turns and dimly lit hallways. At the time the morgue was being renovated. I was freaking out bc there was no room left in the morgue and there was an unattended, OCCUPIED stretcher in the doorway."
tae_unnie
Allsups
"I was working night shift in a gas station/truck stop in Tucumcari, NM back in the mid 90's. I had another guy working with me who ran the diesel side while I worked the gas side. We had a guy come in around 1 or 2 am and just looked at stuff in the aisles for a while before he left. Didn't really think twice about him."
"Later, about 6 AM, when I got off, I drove home past a convenience store named Allsups, they're big in the southwest. There had to have been 30 cop cars in the parking lot. There aren't even 30 cop cars in Tucumcari so where they came from I have no idea."
"Come to find out that some time during the night the Allsups had been robbed and the clerk had been taken into the cooler, tied up, and beheaded. I found that out when I (day sleeper) was awoken by the state police a few hours later and asked if I had seen anything suspicious during the night. That guy who came in and left was the only thing I could think of."
"The police took a copy of our security footage which led them to a suspect who was later convicted for the murder. I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was to go to work the next day. We kind of assumed that the guy was going to rob us first, but didn't want to deal with two clerks, so he left and hit Allsups instead."
eruditeimbecile
He still died...
"Trauma nights on general surgery. We had a teen who was shot 9 times. Ran the code, did all the things including thoracotomy (so we had opened his chest to access his heart). He still died. I was sitting outside the trauma bay writing the note, janitorial staff cleaning the trauma bay (lots of blood and debris), and about 9 minutes after the end of the code and calling it... he sits up on the table, full situp under the tarp, and belts out a gutteral groan."
"Janitor staff pretty much all died and/or pooped their pants. we all ran in and restarted the code, even got some pulseless electrical activity, but ya, story still ends with him dying. Lots of theories about what it actually was, lazerus effect or just spontaneous diaphragmatic spasm. But ya, was absolutely crazy."
SkippyBojangle
Falling Out
"Charter bus driver: Picked a group of drunk people up from night-life central around 3am. We were going around 50 km/hr on a main road at the time and one passenger opened the sliding door to throw up. Had to get the other passengers to hold him back from falling out the bus before I could safely stop and let him out."
Morrigan_Ondarian078
People are crazy! When you're drunk, sit still!
"I had just started the night shift with him when he jumped up in his bed, nearly pulled his catheter out, and yelled 'THEY'RE BANGING ON THE WALLS! JOHN (not my name) GO GET THE GUN! THE NEIGHBORS ARE TRYING TO KNOCK THE HOUSE DOWN!!' He had a UTI and it made him hallucinate. Still scary."
WriterReborn2
Behind Me
"I was an overnight valet at a hotel and our overflow lot was a couple blocks away. I was walking back from that lot after parking a car around 1am and I started to get this really uncomfortable gut feeling. I looked around and noticed a guy in a hoodie about 50 ft behind me."
"This was in a business district so it’s unusual to see people walking around there late at night and it was also summer so a hoodie is a little out of place, but I didn’t want to jump to assuming this guy was some kind of murderer. I picked up my pace anyway just in case, and he picked up his. When I turned at the next block, he turned."
"He was also gaining on me pretty quick. I was REAL freaked out at this point so I pulled out my pocket knife and ran as fast as I could back to the hotel. I don’t know at what point he stopped following me but I refused to park anymore cars in the overflow lot that night and ended up finding a new job not long after."
Hanz_VonManstrom
WTF?!
"I was delivering some food once on a college campus and my wife was asleep in the car. When I started back towards the car I saw a college student looking in the window and taking pictures of my sleeping wife. I yelled at him as soon as I saw (something like, "what the f**k are you doing? get away from there!")"
"And instead of running away or apologizing straight up this motherf**ker said, "oh, I didn't realize she was with somebody. do you need help carrying her somewhere?" I chased him away but was dumbfounded... like... what the actual f**k?!"
golden_death
Jumper
"I'm a security guy at a paper plant. Night shifts are slow, it's mostly watching Netflix if there isn't any emergency or fire on the site. One night will dozing off I was woken up by a loud and near sound. Got up off the chair in panic. Right in front of me in the parking: a big freaking moose. He just jumped the fence and wandered around the lot for a bit and took off by swimming down the river."
TheObnixiousGoat
Check Out
"Once had a lady check out, and pull me and my coworker (both women) aside and tell us the guy wandering around the gas station had a gun and was paying way too much attention to women walking out."
LeatherHog
This why I'll only work in daytime hours or from home.
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Are we being lazy or is it self-care?
That is what you should ask yourself first, before you judge.
Life is an arduous journey and a constant energy suck.
It was inevitable we'd find shortcuts to get by.
It's all about survival.
Redditor Batman_In_Peacetime wanted to hear about the times we just didn't care enough to try harder. They asked:
"What is a lazy thing you began doing when you realised you can live with it?"
I'm best when I'm at my laziest. Ok, that's a lie, but I don't care.
Zzzz...
"On weekends I sleep for 12-14 hours. I usually wake up a few times but I dream so much during those long sleeps that it’s basically become a recreation type thing and I love it."
HouseOfZenith
Warm it up...
"When I use the microwave, I’ll heat food for 1:11 or 2:22 because I can’t be bothered to move my lazy fingers."
fysicks
"I figured out that my microwave's turntable rotates once every 12 seconds. So, everything I cook is on a multiple of 12 seconds so that it always ends up at the front of the microwave when it's done cooking, and I don't have to reach all the way to the back of the microwave to get my food out."
unittwentyfive
Bang
"When I was a kid on a school day, I had this routine where I'd stick my legs out of the bed and bang around on the floor so it sounded like I got out of bed and then just lie there for a few more minutes."
bewarethechameleon
"Did you also get your toothbrush wet and squirt a wee bit of toothpaste in your mouth rather than actually brush your teeth? If so I may be your mom and you weren’t fooling me or the dentist and you sure weren’t fooling the plaque that attacked."
TigerLily98226
Pockets
"Whenever I clean the house I put on my housecoat with really big pockets. I just walk from room to room and put things in my pocket that don’t belong in that room. Once my pockets are full I go to each room and empty my pockets putting what is from each room in that room."
kindhearttbc
"That's not lazy... that's productive AF."
throwaway92715
Toss It
"I don’t fold the fitted sheet. Just ball it up and place it in the closet."
SpaghettiSquash33
I just see people human. Don't he so hard on yourselves.
12 Hours
"I once watched 12 hours of the golf Network because the batteries were dead in my remote control. I don't know if that's lazy or depressed."
sadbirdfox
I swear I was...
"I was taught to make a bed properly as a child, I swear I was. Hospital corners and everything. I even know how to fold a fitted sheet, thanks to my auntie, who's an Air Force nurse and therefore doesn't consider little problems like 'non-Euclidean geometry' to be a reason not to do it properly. The second I found out about duvet covers, that was over. Sure, it doesn't look as tidy, but five minutes a week plus 10 seconds in the morning instead of 10 minutes a day? I can live with that."
katie-kaboom
The System
"I don't fold laundry anymore. I have a system of laundry baskets like this where clothes gets sorted by type (pants, t-shirts, sweaters, etc). Most of my clothes is wrinkle free, and for the few pieces that aren't I just throw them on a hanger in the bathroom while I take a steamy shower."
User deleted
Genius!!
"Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will grab the top corners of my sheets with my hands and prop up the bottom two with my feet and move it into place. Then I slide out of bed without ruffling anything. Just like that, my bed is made."
Markymark142
"My sister has to do this before she goes to bed at night, even is she made the bed that morning. It's an odd little quirk and mostly harmless."
mel2mdl
Yummy
"Just eating food straight out of the pan."
refrshmts_N_narcotcs
None of that sounds so bad. That sounds... like my life. Don't judge!!
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Be it on a blind date, at a party where you don't know anyone, or sitting next to someone on an airplane, starting a conversation with a total stranger is difficult.
As much as we'd all like to be friendly, far too often we find ourselves at a loss for words.
It doesn't help that we generally have no idea of what these people's various interests are, making it anyone's guess how they'll respond.
But some have this problem solved, finding a go-to topic which is always guaranteed to get a response, no matter who you're talking to.
Redditor Blugged_Bunny was curious to hear what people thought was the best way to begin a conversation with strangers, leading them to ask:
"What is your go-to 'small talk' topic with strangers?"
Did you check the forecast?
"We sure are having a lot of weather"- r_Ju_Tacular.
"As a British person, the conversation usually starts like this:"
“'You alright?'"
”Yeah you?”'
“'Yeah not too bad, weathers a bit sh*t innit?'”
“'Yeah”'.
"The end."- chelstippins
Why beat around the bush?
"Straight to politics and religion."- Turd_Ferguson009.
Just let it happen.
"Make an observation."
"Literally anything."It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be."
"It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention."
"People bullsh*t about the weather all the time."
"Make a comment about it, gauge their willingness to talk about it to you and build off of what you get from the response."
"If all you get is 'haha yeah', leave it."
"No shame in silence."
"Some people just don’t want to talk."
I"f you’re talking about the weather, 'Man it’s a great day out today!'"
“'Yeah absolutely! I drove here with my windows down all the way here!'”
"Boom, you’ve got something to latch onto."
"They probably enjoy getting outside for some fresh air. "
"They probably enjoy driving."
"Ask about their car."
"Ask if they go on drives a lot."
"Ask if they do outdoor stuff."
"What kind of outdoor stuff?"
"Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask."
"Let them do the talking."
"People love talking about themselves."
"You learn some light hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too."
"It works in literally any situation."
"From an elevator ride to a first date."
"It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable."- 1arrocknroll.
"But enough about me, what do you think about me?"
"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it."- I_can_see_the_music.
"Food, glorious food..."
"Food."
"People typically love food."
"I mention I’m new/newer to an area."
"And ask them what they like, where they eat out."
"Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks."- TheProfWife.
Can you believe it?
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"- housemuncher.
Nothing!
"As a Norwegian - we leave strangers alone."
"No need to bother them."- neihuffda.
The sky's the limit.
"So, do you like stuff?"- Bwon669.
All of these seem like surefire ways to get a conversation started.
But use cautiously, as who knows how long it will take these conversations to end.
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Quality comes with price. That's a fact you can't escape. If you hire someone to fix your home, and want them to do the best job, you're going to have to pay above average prices. That's fine. Pay the people what they're worth for the great job they did. However, we live in a world where everyone is looking for their payout, even if what they've given you is less than ideal.
Don't overpay for any of these.
Reddit user, DrLizardLover, wanted to know what we're paying too much for when they asked:
"What is just stupidly overpriced?"
If you didn't know any better, you would think making office and school supplies was a lot like mining for diamonds in the center of the Earth.
Though, we also know diamonds are a rip-off so maybe that's not the argument we should be making.
Another Collegiate Payment
"College books"
Spooly_Boy
"Especially when they say you have to buy the newest copy every year"
disantiyesnt
Good Thing We're Going Paperless
"Printer cartridges."
DataPlenty
"Apparently it's because in order to make printers affordable to everyone, you must lower their prices. The cartridges are the upsell and is where the profit comes from."
AltaSavoia
We Carry Them Around On Our Phones
"TI-84"
"I could get an old cell phone from a dumpster that’s 10x as powerful. Why the f-ck they still charging $80 or more for these things?"
edgeblackbelt
If living in 2022 has taught us anything, it's that convenience has a price.
And it's high.
$50 For Twizzlers
"Foods and drinks at movie theaters or sporting events"
Icy-Company7718
"I can answer for the theaters. They don't actually get much, if any, of the ticket sales. A lot of their operating budget comes from the snack bar."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
Fees On Hidden Fees For Hidden Fees
"Concert tickets"
"(AKA Ticketmaster)"
Catilily_3141
"I thought I was on the school box office site when I was on one made to look like it. I bought two reasonably priced ncaa basketball tickets and when I went to check out it went up to $70 with fees. Found the school website and checked out for $26 total."
blackcatmystery
Costs A Lot To Be A Woman
"One bra is like…40 dollars"
Noliel_Laicaster
"except i have big honkers so i'm forced to pay upwards of $80 for a bra because the only place I can get them in my size is Lane Bryant or Torrid"
kelsiewest11
"Just women's clothes in general. If I'm paying $40 for a pair of dress slacks, they damn well better have pockets. I have to have black slacks for my delivery job and ended up buying 3 pair of men's pants for $20 each, just to have the pockets."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
What can hurt the most is the idea companies and people will charge you for things you need to have. It's almost as if they know you're willing to pay the price...
Awful.
History Has Funny Way Of Changing Perspectives
"Lobster. Was literally considered food for the peasants at one point in history. They used lobsters as bait on ships"
magoted
The Most Expensive Day Of Your Life
"Anything tied to a wedding"
nickp123456
"Friend of mine needed a generator for a wedding. He booked it as a "corporate event" to get cheaper hire."
"When the company arrived to setup and saw it was a wedding they demanded extra money, because it was a wedding. Same location, same generator, same rental period."
salmonlikethephish
Sipping The Last Bits Of Money Out Of The Dead
"Funerals"
Longjumping-Oil4497
"I definitely think that add-ons for funerals are sold like biggie sizing your happy meal. And the concept of memorializing a person for eternity has been sold as bare necessity. But I do know that the pomp and circumstance a lot of people need to lay somebody to rest, costs money."
"I want to see people honored in their death, but spending $5,000 on a pine box does not make sense to me"
444unsure
People Need Help? Charge Them.
"Mental health services. Blessings upon blessings to the mental health professionals who offer sliding scales."
AphelionEntity
America Gonna 'Murica
"Getting an IUD put in or taken out without insurance costs 1300. Takes 5 minutes to put in and it’s a piece of plastic."
m_hahn_solo
"Wow thats so much. I'm in Canada so having it inserted, removed, and follow up appointments are free. But I had to pay for the IUD. The first time I used the insurance from college so only paid $30. The second time I graduated and didn't have insurance so I went to planned parenthood where its cheaper and paid 230. The third time I had insurance from work and it was free. Honestly all birth control should be free."
Forever-25
Keep an eye on your wallet, since you know most of the world is keeping theirs firmly on it.
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