Pets bring joy to our lives and comfort us when we're upset, but it's not always sunshine and roses.
They also do some pretty bizarre things and have interesting expectations of their humans.
Reddit user u/matthwhz asked:
My Irish Terrier expects me to let her in the shower with me but not get her wet... She will just hop in after I've already started showering. She then expects to be covered by the inner shower liner so she doesn't get wet.
When I bend down to spit while brushing my teeth, my cat will jump up and stand on my back. She then expects me to parade her around for the rest of my life, walking with my back at a 90 degree angle so that she can continue to stand upright. If I try to get her off, she clings to the back of my shirt with her claws.
It's great. She's great. Everything is great.
My dog expects me to make my 2 cats not play with each other - ever. She will cry softly to herself while pacing around me until either they stop playing or I tell the cats to be quieter. My dog will not play with the cats and doesn't seem to mind when we (the humans) play with the cats, but heaven forbid the cats want to play with each other. And as soon as the cats start making any kind of playful racket again she is right back to crying to herself.
I put his slobbery toys away in the kitchen sink and he wants me to hold my arm out so so he can jump up and perch his front paws on my forearm so he can stare at his toys in the sink. He's content after that.
I guess this doesn't really answer your exact question, but it is a weird thing he does. My cat likes to steal tomatoes from the counter and leave them by the front door. I often step into half eaten tomatoes when I come home from work.
If I let the dogs out when I get home and DON'T give them food immediately after, the big dog will stand next to his bowl and yell (bark) at me until I do. He DEMANDS dinner at 6pm, SHARP.
My cat expects me to do a patrol of the house with her every other day. She'll stand in a doorway yowling until I walk up to her, then I have to follow her to the next room and walk round it, pause to pet her and repeat until the whole house has been covered. She occasionally drops live mice on my feet as well.
I suspect she thinks of me as a very dumb kitten that needs assistance with hunting and guard my territory.
My parents' cat sleeps with them, and he's used to their schedule. So when he thinks bed time is coming, he'll start annoying them until they follow him into the bedroom.
If my dog sees you pull out chapstick or lip gloss, he expects some on his nose. My mom will share her chapstick with him and he has his own tube of lip gloss in my aunt's purse!
My dog loves getting kicked.
I love my dog, and it isn't abusive, but he loves when I tuck my foot under his back when he's laying down, and pushing him across the floor. You can tell he wants it when he flops onto your feet and stares at you. My dog is wonderful but I'm still not too happy that my dog is kinky like that.
I have a Great Dane who is... sensitive. He hates it when his feet get dirty. When he accidentally steps in mud (or god forbid, poop) outside, he stands in the yard on three legs and won't move until I walk out there and wipe his foot clean.
It's vaguely pathetic, but also amusing, so I do it on a routine basis.
Every time I open the freezer, my dog runs over and waits for an ice cube. She then crunches it up and leaves it to melt on the living room carpet.
When I get home from work my labrador likes me to hold her paw, whilst I give her a belly scruffle.
She also likes us to keep the printer full of paper, as she enjoys bopping the test button on with her her nose and watching the paper go through.
Shes the boss of the house tbh.
I don't understand what she wants, but one of my rats burrows deep into my clothing until she traps herself and then squeaks like I'm crushing her. Every day
I must watch my cat pee.
We almost lost him a few years ago to a seriously bad urinary blockage (for real, especially if your cat is indoor, male, and/or overweight, MAKE SURE THEY GET ENOUGH WATER), and he built up scar tissue that made urinating painful -- also, it just sucked for a while because he couldn't. So I'd watch him each time to monitor his progress and report to the vet, being reassuring all the while.
He pulled through, but now he "calls" me in to watch each time he has to pee. Like, he literally cries like he's dying if I don't go. It's been a couple years now.
It's a little much, but we're just happy the little jerk is OK.
My cat meows loudly in the morning so that I will get up, start the shower and let him drink 3 cupped handfuls of fresh shower water. I regard bending down to let him drink from my hand as part of my morning stretching routine now.
My cockatiel wants me to scratch her...but then bites me when I scratch her. Or if I don't scratch her, she'll bite me bc I'm not scratching her.
My cats expect to join me in the bathroom for my morning shower. One is stationed at the bathroom sink for me to turn on the faucet to drip, and the other sits in between the shower curtain and liner while I'm in there.
It hadn't struck me as being an odd routine until my husband (then-boyfriend) and I started dating and he came in during a shower like, "Why TF are you all in here?"
My bulldog demands kisses before bed. Both him and my other dog (small mutt) sleep on my bed with me, and he's down by my feet.
If I don't give him a kiss on the head and tell him I love him and goodnight before I tuck myself into bed, he will walk up to my pillow and head butt me until I kiss him, and then he walks back down to my feet to sleep.
My rabbit expects to get a treat if you go near the fridge. He will try to climb in. He will try to climb my daughter to steal her food. He will nibble on toes.
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
WHERE TO BEGIN?!
The list is endless.
Half the time all it takes to be better is a little effort.
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
CommunicationsGIF by HULUGiphy
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
"Proposing mid intercourse."
Talk to Me
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
YuckBored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy
"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
‘good at sex’
FlavorsAmanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Love is so elusive these days isn't it?
Who knows what anyone is looking for in the relationship department anymore.
It's all too exhausting.
But people we keep trying.
"Why are you single right now?"
I'm single because I've given up. And I'm good. For now.
PeaceSnoop Dogg Reaction GIFGiphy
"I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone."
"Hard to meet people when you are a hermit."
"I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good conscience bring someone else into them."
truthCaptain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy
"Supply chain issue."
"Best answer here."
That's funny. But it feels oddly true.
Ahhh...Think Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy
"I'm attracted to many, and unattractive to all."
Bad LoopSeth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Because my relationships end before they even begin."
"This is my story right here."
Alright. Now that we've laid out all the excuses, let's get to matching with some people.
There is no bigger mystery than what happens to us after we die.
"If heaven exists, what’s the first thing you’d do?"
Overcome with joy
"In all reality?"
"If Heaven exists, like 50% of the awesomeness is just the very fact that it exists."heaven gate GIF by South Park Giphy
A re-match long in the making
"Ask my childhood friend Kevon for a race."
"He used to beat me handily when were younger (9-13) and he’d always brag."
"When I got older and faster I moved away so I was never able to race him again."
"I wanna race him both in our prime."- Abethegreat1
Reunite with loved ones
"Find my husband, give him a huge hug and never let go again."
"Live our forever together."
"I f*cking love him and miss him so much."- jessdfrench
"Embrace my sweet wife and tell her how proud I am of the kids."- RifleShower
"Try to find my brother."
"Man, I miss him."
"He died in 2020 at age 34."- grummlinds1
"Give my mum and dad a big hug."- goonerjack007Miss U GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
Achieve the "firsts" we never got to do
"Find my son and have a beer with him."
"Something we never got to do in real life."- tanukis_parachute
Hone new skills
"Try to play Smoke on the water on my harp."- Ashtar-the-Squid
The joy of doing nothing
"Rest."- BanzaikoowaidCare Free Black Girls GIF by AuroraDrawsGiphy
Live on without pain
"Enjoy my healthy back without pain."- Knackbein_
Who knows what's in store for us after our lives come to an end.
But the first word in that term can be misleading.
Indeed, some "fun facts" reveal information that isn't remotely "fun" in the slightes.
What's a 'fun fact' that isn’t fun at all?"
Ironically, something you likely don't think about...
"Your brain blocks you from feeling your organs moving around inside you."- Aydengeist06
Try watching Finding Nemonow...
"Only one in a thousand sea turtles born actually make it to adulthood."- Sebs_123
Shocking new light on an age old classic
"In the books, Stuart Little was never explicitly called a mouse."
"He's pretty much described as a deformed mouse-esque person born form human parents."- Red_Beard47stuart little mouse GIF by VIASAT3Giphy
Nature running it's course...
"There's a bird that feeds its younger offspring to the eldest."- Teacup_Cult
I have no allergies... yet
"Not very fun."- smallemochick
Those poor, innocent creatures.
They'd still be here if they weren't so delicious...
"Giant tortoise meat was supposedly better tasting than chicken."
"It's fat tasted better spread on bread than butter."
"Not to mention, because they evolved without humans, they were easy to hunt."
"You could tie one to your back, and roll another to the ship and they would just let you."
"Conversely, the dodo, while as easily captured by sailors, tasted awful."
"It was completely unpalatable."
Don't forget the nose plugs
"Antarctica smells like penguin poop."
"Antarctica is a desert, it is too cold for bacteria to live."
"Nothing there to clean up penguin droppings."
"If you are close enough to see penguins, you will also smell them."- gummby8
Makes those long lines so worth it...
"The TSA missed 96% of contraband during an inspection in 2015."- omegasix321All Falls Down Tsa GIF by Kanye WestGiphy
Oh yeah, probably not....