Pet Owners Imagine What Fictitious Crimes Their Animal Might Sue For During Pet Court
Every pet owner knows that face your animals give you when you've done something totally unforgivable. Just this afternoon we sneezed and it disturbed the 4th nap Snausages was trying to have for the day. Yeah, the dog is names Snausages. He'd probably sue us for that if he could. One Reddit user asked:
So, of course, that was the first thing we thought of. The answers had us laughing; mostly because we would be in court every day if our pets could sue for half the stuff on this list.
The Turkey Sandwich
**"I saw the human making a turkey sandwich to take for lunch. I was right there. I made my presence known and was very clear in expressing my desire for a bite and they ignored my request!" **
My rebuttal is that I gave the cat some treats when I was done. Let the judge decide.
Guilty As Charged
Because I've shaved him and he looks stupid.
The judge finds me guilty because he does, indeed, look stupid.
My super-clingy cat would do me for neglect (not letting him sit on me 24/7) and abandonment (leaving the house) along with adultery (patting another cat).
Verdict: cat must be taken with me every time I leave the house, more cuddles
I keep chickens for eggs, so 958 counts of kidnapping.
The witnesses all chickened out. The judge was sympathetic and said:
**"Omelette you off this time." **
My chihuahua is suing me for keeping the house too cold, forcing her to have to wear sweaters and dog clothes. The judge declares me guilty as charged, and I must now keep the thermostat to 80 degrees all year round.
Criminal Lack Of Affection
I'd probably be sued for Criminal Lack of Affection. She's the wife's dog, and she's well enough, but once we had kids she got jealous and became an attention wh0re and can never get enough ever. The jury would probably end in a mistrial, since we're both right. I don't give her enough attention, and she wants too much attention.
She'd sue me because I restrained her and put gunk in her eye, twice a day for ten straight days! The horror!
I have before and after pics of her eye infection though, so I think the judge would rule in my favor
Daddy Would Be Their Lawyer
Emotional Distress. I left a pizza unopened on a table, left the room for ONE MINUTE! And my Chihuahua and Papillon ate HALF a f^cking medium pizza. Oh the guilt on their faces were priceless!
I didn't yell, but I did tell them they were grounded and won't have human food for a very, very long time.
Daddy on the other hand bought them sweet potato puppy treats and the Chihuahua refuses to eat them unless they have sour cream on it.
Judge would rule in their favor because daddy would be their lawyer. ????
Addicts Who Can't Be Trusted
Emotional abuse. I call my two cats the Fatties, the Meatballs, Chubster McFatboy and Lil' Gordita.
I would counter that they are both catnip addicts and their words cannot be trusted.
Failure To Remove Sketchy Looking Clouds
I'm being sued twice.
Missy the Elderly Terrier: Pressing charges for Labor Law Violation. Missy alleges that I am overworking her by bringing Momo the Puppy Mill Rescue Corgi into the house, as Missy must now teach Momo the correct way to dog. This includes training the corgi how to do tasks such as leash walking, obeying commands, reacting to both scary and non-scary situations, riding in a car, and making a wide range of terrier-like vocalizations.
I am found GUILTY, and am sentenced to a fine of 10 treats per day and work-release of 20 minutes of extra petting per day, plus probation, for the duration of Missy's life.
Momo the Puppy Mill Rescue Corgi:__Suing me for undue emotional distress. Momo alleges that I have failed to remove all scary things from the world. This includes wind, thunder, fireworks, sliding doors, plastic bags, brushes, helicopters, airplanes, and sketchy looking clouds; though this list is far from complete.
The judgment is found in MY FAVOR (woot!) but I am strongly cautioned to provide more anti-anxiety treats, reassurance, access to a Thundershirt, and training.
Eating Trash Together
The charge? Leaving the dog alone half the day. When I do come back home, I feeds the pup treats, go for walks, and cuddle but I STILL leave the next day! It's like I'm off having something better to do than tend to the dog!
The judge then says I must quit my job and just roam around homeless with my dog so we can be together 24/7 and eat trash lol but at least we are eating trash together.
Only One Run Per Day
Not taking her on TWO 5 mile runs a day. One run per day for a husky is judged as negligence according to dog law and I am thereby issued a court order requiring no less than 10 miles of running daily with her.
Seriously though we go on a 5~ mile run and 3 minutes after we get home she has piled all of our ropes and balls on my lap.
Refusing to play. Luca just got fixed and is supposed to stay calm for at least 7-10 days. He's been bringing me literally every ball and toy he has in an attempt to get me to play with him. I feel so bad having to say no! Luckily the vet sent home some sedatives since Luca is normally pretty insane.
My dogs are taking me to court for blocking their access to the kitty litter cafe with an illegal fence. (a baby gate is on the door so cats only have access to the room)
Judge throws out the case because the dogs are squatters who don't pay any rent.
Waking up 5 minutes later than them, thus delaying breakfast. I wake up at 7 to feed my dog every morning. The other day, I forgot to set my alarm and woke up to her whining at me. I checked my clock.
It was 7:01.
She'd sue me for being a cheater. I walk dogs and have a puppy of my own. I get home every day and am sniff interrogated for a good 10-15 minutes by my pup with judgmental glances throughout. She knows a few of the dogs because she comes with me to dog sit some of them, so some of the judgement comes from hanging out with her friends without her. I'll admit, it looks bad. A majority is from the random dogs that she doesn't recognize, which maybe looks worse.
She'd sue for petimony.
30 milk bones, and a new tennis ball every month... putting me right in the f^cking poor house.
Half A Queen Bed
Our cat would probably try suing Mom for the time she left the cat in the care of me and my girlfriend.
'There were two people in the bed! I had nowhere to sleep! I was abandoned... ABANDONED I TELL YOU! I had to spend FOUR DAYS alone in the wilderness!'
We were actually really worried about her, since we didn't see her at all after the first day... but she came back as soon as Mom came home. She was just pissed off she didn't have a whole half of a queen bed all to herself.
The Plant Nursery
My dog would sue me for taking the other dog with me to the plant nursery and not taking him as well. In my defense, he loses his shit every time he's on a leash and sees another dog, so he would not be welcome at the plant nursery.
Also, he got an extra chew treat as compensation. But he was NOT happy about being left at home.
Drop The Charges
My dog would probably try to sue me for abandonment every time I leave the house and drop the charges every time I came back.
Morbidly Obese Cat Glory.
She's suing me for "underfeeding" her. The judge dismisses the case upon seeing her in her 18+ pounds of morbidly obese cat glory. Sorry kitty, but the diet stands.
Why do people fall for them? Well some research has looked into the reasons for that.
The Association for Psychological Science published a paper that reviewed some of the research:
Redditor Lopsided_Confusion57 asked:
"What's the wildest conspiracy theory you fully believe?"
We can't say any of these are true but sometimes it's fun to speculate.
The time traveling cyclist.
"The Australian cyclist Mick Rogers is a time traveler."
"I'm on board for whatever book or screenplay you write."
The best money making stunt.
"I have mixed thoughts to that one."
"Have you seen … CATS?"
"Ohhhh boy then south american journalists in the 60s-80s have been awarded way too much."
"MLK was literally murdered by the government."
"Lots of Black Panthers were too."
"Quote from the Wikipedia article on Fred Hampton."
Conspiracies for the conspiracies to cover up the conspiracies.
"The CIA creates conspiracy theories to provide cover for the real conspiracies."
"Like no the parties involved admitted to it."
"Obviously not an exact quote, but the idea of it has always stuck with me."
Extinct animals not actually being extinct for preservation.
Robert 'Curt' Borton Jr.
Only you can decide what you believe or not.
Some ghosts just like to scare it up. It's not always like "Ghosthunters" the show.
Reddit, what are your creepy encounters with something that you are convinced was paranormal?
I hear it...Nbc Wings GIF by HULUGiphy
Reflectionsghost library GIFGiphy
hello kitty...hello kitty lol GIF by Animation Domination High-DefGiphy
"What gives you genuine happiness?"
Food brings people together, and that combination brings much happiness for these Redditors.
"Plenty of my favorite food eaten together with fam."
Compliments To The Chef
The Little Things
Being alone with our thoughts can be comforting.
Wee Small Hours Of The Morning
In Between Consciousness
"Don't try heroin."
Being with loved ones, both humans and pets, can be the very definition of happiness.
Hide And Seek
Our Inner Comedian
What Brings Joy To Others
"Equally, my hobbies/passions/interests make me happy."
I'm a kid at heart.
So it's not surprising that going to a Disney park as an adult brings out the inner kid in me.
Walt, you did a good thing.
A lot of talk going on about women's bodies, isn't there?
Not necessarily with women front and center as part of the conversation, unfortunately.
Let's ask them.
Men of Reddit, would you take a male contraceptive pill if it was readily available? Why/Why not?
Click, Click...No Boom.
"Yes. Makes more sense to unload the gun than shoot at a bulletproof vest."
Both Parties Are Making A Choice
What Have Women Been Going Through?
Some men are not for a male contraceptive.
Hear them out.
Wait, What Day Of The Week Is It?
"Oh yes 100%. The only reason I'd be hesitant is i'm very likely to forget"
What's It Doing To Me?
"If it had the same side-effect as the female one and affected my mood or my libido? F-ck no."
It's All In The Conversation
"If she does, because she wants to - ok. If she doesn't, because she doesn't want to - ok, too."
So Long As It's A Unity Effort
Why Make Them Do Something You're Not Willing To Do?
"Abso-f-cking-lutely YES a million times yes!!!"
...Is That Pun Or...?
Be ready, men. It's our turn, next.