Perplexed Mall Santas Reveal The Weirdest Presents Kids Asked Them For

Knowable

11 December 2017

Visiting Santa is a rite of passage for millions of children every year. That's a whole lot of Santas and a whole lot of requests for the big guy.

Reddit user _sleepykitten_ asked:

4,500 former Santas (and children) shared their stories. Here are the best of them.

Still Working

When I was little I asked for a wishing bone. There is an old wives tale that if you crack it you get a wish. Child me believed this. I figured if I got a wishing bone for Christmas that physical gift would mean I could get a wish instead! A wish was obviously less constrained than a present, which had to be physical. I did get my wishing bone too. I wished to be invincible. Haven't died yet either, so who is to say it didn't work. hollth1

End of Innocence

My seven year old just asked me, if I pretend to still believe in Santa, will he give me more presents? Guyutestash

Acceptance

I was a Santa for developmentally disabled adults, one of them climbed on my lap and said "I want to be normal". mushbo

Where Babies Don't Come From

I was Santa at Rainforest Cafe once a few years back and a little girl asked me if I had a sister factory because her mom and dad wanted to make one but can't. I told her that I cant make people and she immediately bawled her eyes out with the most ear-splitting screech you'd ever heard. rajjjjjj

Weiner Wishes

My cousin told a mall santa he wanted a hot dog for Christmas. SteamPawn

Not Battleship?

A buddy of mine's son asked Santa for the board game operation a few years ago by saying "I want the operation". The guy playing Santa got real concerned and looked up at my buddy and asked what kind of operation. My buddy hadn't really connected the dots and just said something like "Uhhhhh Mattel I think." Then when they walked away it dawned on him why Santa had spent so much time with his kid. 7fingersphil

Concession Food is Expensive

I wrap presents at the mall as a fundraiser for my local animal rescue. We sit right outside of where Santa is so I talk to the kids afterward and ask them what they asked for.

A silly one that stuck with me from last year, from an absolutely adorable 5 year old little girl: "A trip to Disney world..."

And with a thoughtful look on her face: "...and Taco Bell gift cards." kaunis

Creepy Christmas Critters

Had a nine year old girl ask for worms for Christmas, looked up at her parents and they just kinda shrugged so I went with it and told her I'd see what I could do. lnadoo

Gamer Gift

When I was about 15 I had to sub in for our church's Santa because he was sick. First kid without missing a beat asked if I could get his daddy to stop beating him at (the game) Tekken for Christmas. basedonfacts

Considerate Dog Lover

I was the kid and I hear this story all the time. When I was 6 I asked Santa to convince my parents to let me get a dog. He asked why convince them and I told him it would be unfair to have a dog just show up, that we all had to pick it out together so everyone would be happy. Apparently my mom almost cried over that. Still had to wait 3 years before getting my dog though. Narryaworry

Chicks Dig It

I was Santa at my friends store a few years ago. A little boy sternly asked me for a mustache. Awesomepolice

Cool!

My stepdad was a Disneyland santa and a kid asked for a penguin and he asked where the kid would keep it and she said "in the freezer." buhnahnuh

Bronies Were Not a Thing Yet

Older brother here. I was 5 and my sister was 4. We both sat in Santa's lap together and my sister just froze.

I felt like I had to cover for her so I told Santa my stuff and then said I wanted a My Little Pony to try and get my sister to snap out of it. She was still too scared and didn't say anything so Santa just looks at me like, "My Little Pony, wtf?"

Still glad I tried to get my sis some presents tho. jinspin

Daddy's Girl

My daughter, two weeks ago, she said she wants to ask santa that I never get old.

I asked why ?

She said like that I can always remain handsome. Jess_Pinkman

Watch the World Burn

"Fire". I shit you not, the kid looked me right in the eyes and said "Fire". When I joyfully asked, "What do you mean by that?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said "I want Fire."

Last I looked there is no game, or form of entertainment called Fire, and this kid looked like he could be the Antichrist. timtheblueman

Selfless

My dad did Santa for a couple years but had to stop because of the emotional toll it took on him. He was doing it at a poor area mall and the kids would come and ask for jackets and things like that for their siblings or parents and nothing for them. orange_lazarus1

Fish Kill

An old coworker of mine was a volunteer Santa. A five year old boy climbs onto his lap, and my friend asks what the boy wants for Christmas. The boy exclaims "I want an orange goldfish!".

My friend glances over at the mom, who gives him the thumbs up, so he smiles and tells the boy that he'll make sure it goes on the list. But the boy worriedly leans closer and says:

Boy: Santa, you have to bring the fish in water, okay? Fish need water to live!

Friend: ~chuckles~ The fish will come with water, I promise!

Boy: And you have to feed it! They sell fish food at Walmart.

Friend: Uh, okay. The elves will make sure-

Boy: And you can't leave it in the sleigh! It will FREEZE AND DIE!

Friend: Don't worry, nothing will happen to the fish.

Boy: And it can't stay in the bag because it won't have air.

Friend: I have many requests for fish, and they've all gone to their homes safely. Don't worry-

Boy: You don't understand! You're magic! Animals need food and water and air!

Friend: Uh...

Boy: ~jumps off Santa's lap, very exasperated~ MOM, SANTA'S GOING TO KILL MY FISH. waytoomanychoices

It's a Sure Sign

My dad was a "signing" Santa in his young 20s. Fluent in ASL and needed some extra cash during the holidays. They would have a special day where all the deaf kids would be able to come and sit on Santa's lap and sign what they wanted for Christmas. He would always recall how amazing it was that the kids were never surprised, excited, or in awe that Santa could sign. It was a given; of course Santa signs, it's Santa. isowseeds123

Green Christmas

When my son was 4 he asked Santa for Asparagus because it was his favorite food (I kid you not).

He of course woke up on Christmas morning to a bundle of Asparagus wrapped in a bow (among his other gifts of course) I mean, what choice did we have? Ask and ye shall receive! Laszerus

Better to Give Than Receive

Back around 1990 I played Santa one time for my high school's Beta club or Octagon club, can't remember which - they were doing a Christmas dinner for disadvantaged children the week before Christmas. One little boy asked me for a Nintendo and I said "I'll see what I can do", and then a few kids later, his older sister came up and said "I don't want anything, but could you get my little brother a Nintendo? He wants one so bad." - It broke my heart so bad I almost started crying right then and there.

I asked if I could keep the Santa suit for a few more days, and Christmas day, I found out where they lived and got all my friends to donate any old games/equipment/accessories they didn't play anymore and gathered up about 25 games, a Nintendo, power-pad, light gun, power glove and sensors, and all the cables to hook it up, and one parent donated a 27 inch TV. I drove up to their house in that Santa suit, in my purple firebird (lol, it was hard to explain where the reindeer were) and gave that little boy a Nintendo.

I'd never seen a child so happy and I was trying my best not to cry with his mother, she was that mix of happy, excited, crying, covering her face, and couldn't stop thanking me. I hooked up everything and got the kids started with it and explained how everything worked and how to hook it up and they were just so amazed that Santa brought them all that and stayed all afternoon to play with them.

Because his older sister was so selfless and gave up her wish to him, we rounded up enough to get her a pink and purple bike with the streamers on the handlebars, and one of those Barbie camper playsets. She thanked me so sweetly for her presents and thanked me for her little brother's Nintendo. I tear up every time I think about it. pcliv

Santa on Vacation

I have not shaved in a few years. My now 24 year old son asked on his 21st birthday that I not shave and grow my beard out to see what would happen. Think of the Star Trek five year mission.

I now look like Santa, a Duck Dynastian, or a homeless person.

I was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a pair of cargo shorts and a young girl around 5 to 7 years of age approached me in a department store and said, "Santa, I will be good forever if you could find my mom."

They had gotten separated in the store. I saw a woman trying to hook up with a guy not far away, but the child was not tall enough to see her.

I basically guilted that woman into buying her daughter something.

I now volunteer as Santa for sick children who are in the hospital at Christmas. santapoet

Awkward

Santa for a kid's party my Navy command threw one year. One girl asked for her real daddy not to come back from deployment, because the one that stayed there while he was gone was a lot nicer.

I... err... johnnyseattle

Job Satisfaction

I am Santa 7 days a week from the weekend before Thanksgiving through Christmas Eve. I have heard all kinds of stuff. I had a child ask me for a single stick of gum because his mom wouldn't allow him to have any. Had a girl ask for a box of Frosted Flakes for the same reason. I've had a child ask me to bring her daddy home from Afghanistan. I've posed with the portrait of a child who had just passed away a month prior. There have been children who have asked for live chickens and live pigs. One day I really need to write all of these down. One thing I can say, it's usually never boring. broberts69