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People With Disabilities Reveal The Most Frustrating Well-Intentioned Things People Do

Sometimes we see disabled people as people who help, but there is such a thing as over stepping your boundaries and assuming too much. Often times able-bodied people forget that people with disabilities are just living a different way of life, but they are still very capable of everything a non-disabled person is capable of.

ghiscari_ asks, Disabled people of Reddit, what things do well-intentioned people do that frustrate you?

The ignorance here is abysmal

When someone says "I can't imagine being sick like you. I think I'd kill myself" It's just so belittling. Yes, I'm sick, but life can still have joy and meaning despite that.

Sometimes the bright side is sour

Tell me that "it must be nice" not working, or that "at least you got some good years before this all happened!"

I would love to be able to work and raise my family out of poverty, and thinking about the time before my body gave up just makes me miss it and hate myself for not doing more.

A viewpoint people often don't explore

When I talk to people about my disabilities who then say "I'll never complain about my health issues again". Because they feel like my problems are worse. I know they mean well, like trying to say it's bad, they feel sorry for me, ect. But I wish people understood that my issues do not invalidate their problems. You still have all the right to complain, to be frustrated even for something as simple as a cold. It sucks to be sick no matter what, no matter who you are.

The shady compliment

As someone with learning disabilities it would be when people make comments like "Wow. I'm surprised you can even read" or "Isn't it amazing you can write?" for crying out loud people not everyone with learning disabilities is unable to read or write. You aren't complimenting me. You're insulting me.

The sympathy speech

For me, it has to be when people tell me that I'm "brave" or an "inspiration", or just assume that I'm some incredibly amazing person, before they have even learned my name. As flattering as it seems, they don't know me, and it just feels like they don't see me as a fully realized person with flaws and vices like anyone else. I've had dwarfism my whole life, so I've had a whole life to get used to it. It's not a constant battle that I struggle with - I rarely even think about it.

Say what?

Frame me as somehow inspirational for doing normal things like going to the shop, and PUSH MY WHEELCHAIR WITHOUT ASKING.

Best one was some dude comes up behind me, pushes my chair - which doesn't have handles - whilst saying 'it's nice to go fast sometimes' .. the f***?

When that extra effort is too much

Rushing ahead from 30ft behind to open a door, despite me saying I got it. To clarify, if you're ahead of me I'll think nothing of it, it's the sprinters from behind that bug me.

Leave the youngsters along!

'You're too/so young!'

Bite me.

I'm 29 use a cane, can't walk most days from a annular tear/stenosis/sciatica and I hobble everywhere when I do walk.

Or demanding my medical history as to what I've tried to fix my issue. You don't need to know I've taken more pain meds than Tommy Lee during the worst parts of my injury.

The self proclaimed doctor

When I mention my medical diagnosis people say "oh I know someone who has that! They changed their diet and it cured them!"

Well 1. There's no cure for it so... and 2. this disease affects people differently. It's great that your friend is living a functional, normal life with little to no complications but it's not the same for me.

I also hate being recommended acupuncture, quacky treatments, etc. My case is severe. I need actual medication to treat it. Turmeric might help, sure, but it's not a cure. I am doing everything I can to take care of my body. I've researched my disease and am going to a specialist. There's nothing you can say that I haven't heard or read already.

Don't touch!

I'm legally blind and was learning to use a cane in case my vision ever got worse, I was at a movie theater practicing with my cane and I had to use the bathroom so as I'm leaving the bathroom this random stranger comes up, grabs my arm and tries to lead me around and I'm thinking to myself: "don't you see that I have a cane?, do you not know what it's for?", my cane is my third hand it's supposed to help me navigate my surroundings. Coming up and grabbing a stranger's arm is the equivalent of pushing someone's wheelchair without their permission.

Incurable means it doesn't go away....

I want to throttle people when they tell me that I can cure my genetic illness by mindfulness meditation and that if it doesn't work, I'm clearly not trying hard enough. Or that I can cure it by drinking smoothies, taking vitamins, staring at the sun, etc.

And the best head desk moments come when people say, "I hope you get better soon." Thanks, Susan. There's no cure, and you're missing the definition of chronic, but thanks.

You don't know what's best

Telling me "you're too young to use a stick!", or asking me things like "don't you think you'd get more energy if you just went for a nice walk in the sunshine?"

I have chronic fatigue and pain among other things - if I can't get out of bed, a walk is pretty much impossible.

Wait to be asked

When they take things out of my hands to 'help me'....its nice and all to think I might need help, but wait for me to ask you, 'kay?

Asking anyone what's wrong with them is rude!

For some reason, complete strangers think they have the right to demand my medical history. Just because we're standing together on the escalator doesn't mean you get to ask: "what happened to you" or even worse "what's wrong with you."

You don't make the rules

Type 1 diabetic. Most offenses occur due to a lack of knowledge about the disease- which is fine, I don't expect everyone to be doctors. But trying to suggest "cures"? No grandma, eating that Indian spice you heard about won't cure me. And my biggest pet peeve: "you can't eat that." Why, yes I can.

Purely offensive

Quadriplegic with a pinched c4-c5 injury.

1. People who assume my penis doesn't work because I'm in a wheelchair.

2 The Pastor who told me: ''the reason God hasn't healed you is because you don't believe enough''

3. People who Help me when I didn't ask for it.

4. People who Pray for me in public

Wow...really people?

Deaf person here. I absolutely hate it when people shout at me. That doesn't help at all!! Or talk suuuuper slooooowly. I'm not a moron you idiot. Just talk at a normal speed, try not to cover your face, and I should get what you say.

No means no

Not listen when I decline offers of help.

I'm a young woman who uses a wheelchair and for whatever reason, men over 55 absolutely CANNOT pass by without offering me help (even if I am literally just sitting in a park on my lunch break) which, sure, fine, I appreciate the sentiment.

What is super infuriating, however, is when I say "No thanks, I'm fine" they don't stop, often to point of me having to make a bit of an "angry voice" scene before they will leave me alone.

Small service dogs count too!

Small dogs can be service dogs STFU.

I already posted about my number 1 complaint, but this is for my little cousin. He is epileptic and the family dachshund was his service dog for alerting about incoming seizures. And if he was alone, like sleeping in his bed and had one, the dog would freak the f*** out (Loud barking to wake his parents) and get help. But so many times he told by people that she could not be his service animal cause she was too small, or that he was lying. Pissed me off a lot.

Disability does not mean decreased intelligence

Hear the words "I have ASD" and then proceed to treat me like a child and start explaining really simple s*** to me like I don't know. I'd been doing independently for months before admitting my diagnosis and now I'm "incapable".

Also when I say "sorry I'm deaf" and people dumb down their words and basically start talking like they're talking to a 3yo to me. I can understand more than 4 word sentences thanks.

Image by Foundry Co from Pixabay

Now that college has become a standard requirement for so many jobs and careers, there is a massive push by high schools to get their graduating students accepted and enrolled at an undergraduate college.

On the whole, that's undoubtedly a great thing. A more educated workforce will be prepared to solve the most complex issues facing human beings in the next several decades.

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Image by Gianni Crestani from Pixabay

*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.

The person on the other end of a 911 call has a truly remarkable job.

For those who don't play that professional role, we hope to never encounter the 911 call interaction. But if we do find ourselves making that call, the moment is an anomaly in our lives.

The chaos, the panic, the racing heart, and the desperation are all emotions we, ideally, don't experience on a regular basis.

But for the operator on the other end, our call is one in a long line of calls they've received all day, and all the workdays before that one.

It's difficult to imagine being embedded in those uniquely urgent, emergency moments all the time.

Some Redditors who are on the other end of that call shared their experiences on the job.

WhimsicalxxButcher asked, "911 dispatchers what has been your most creepy/unnerving call?"

For a few, the most unnerving moments were the calm callers.

There was something just so eerie about how level-headed the faceless human being on the other end could be through such a desperate, tragic moment.

Almost Clinical 

"I had a friend who worked as a 911 dispatcher and he always said the worst call he ever had was a ~20 year old kid who committed suicide by mixing a bunch of chemicals together in his car to produce hydrogen sulfide gas."

"He said that the most unnerving part was hearing him calmly listing off the chemicals, the type of gas produced, and the effects of hydrogen sulfide on the body (namely the almost instant death it causes at high concentrations)."

"He ended the call by providing the address of the parking lot he was in and saying that nobody should approach the vehicle without hazmat equipment."

"Apparently after that there was a whooshing sound as he dumped the last chemical into the mix, and then the line went dead silent aside for a quiet fizzing noise."

"I know that call screwed him up because he almost never talks about stuff that happens to him on the job. He quit a few months later to go into construction management, and frankly I can't blame him."

-- iunoyou

Planned Out 

"A woman called me, saying she was going to kill herself. She was gassing herself. Gave me her name & address then said she was just going to lie down and 'go to sleep.' And stopped responding to me."

"I kept the line open, trying to get her to speak to me, and eventually heard officers forcing their way in to find her body. I guess she just wanted someone to find her body."

-- mozgw4

Before It Set In 

"When I got a call from a 6 year old who got home from school and laid down to take a nap with his dad. His dad never woke up."

"The kid was so calm when calling it broke my heart."

"I ended up leaving dispatch shortly after. I was good at compartmentalizing the job for the year I was doing it, but it would've broken me in the long run."

-- tasha7712

Other 911 operators were unfortunate enough to receive a call from the very last person they wanted to hear from: a loved one.

These dispatchers' unique position gave them the unexpected access to a family member or friend at their most dire moments.

No More of That 

"My family member is a long time first responder, and 'retired' into doing dispatch. He heard the address (someone else was taking the call) and realized it was his daughter's house."

"He rushed over there just in time to see them wheeling her body out. Overdose."

"Five months later, he was called to his ex-wife's place because his grandson (son of the daughter who recently passed) had his door locked, lights on, but wasn't responding to his grandma."

"He broke the door down and found him deceased in bed. Overdose."

"He's very stoic after years of all sorts of traumatic situations but my heart hurts whenever I think of what all of this must have felt like. Like sand through your fingers."

-- bitchyhouseplant

Knowing the Address

"Not me, but my grandma. I was sitting in the dispatch office, (very small one only 2 dispatchers including my grandma) but she put out a dispatch that there was a gun shot from my best friends address."

"My heart sank to my stomach and broke later that day. He committed suicide."

-- OntaiSenpuu

When it Happened 

"My uncle passing away. Worked as a small town dispatcher for a year or so. Had a bunch of messed up stuff happen on shift, but this call came in in the still hours of the night. Small town, so not many calls after midnight."

"I answered and recognized the name and address on caller id. Aunt was in a frenzy so didn't recognize my voice. I remained calm and got ems and fire rolling to them, but by my aunt's own words he was already blue."

"I went thru debriefing and mandated therapy for a couple other things that happened, but never really talked to anyone about this. I just try not to think about it."

"That was the call I figured out I needed to find a different job."

-- dangitjon

Finally, some simply had a front row seat to sudden tragedy.

These operators were flies on the wall when disaster struck. They never asked to witness what they witnessed, but sometimes that came with the territory.

A Holiday Tragedy 

"My mom is a 911 dispatcher. Early on she said one Christmas Eve while working she got a call from an elderly lady who's husband had just collapsed(and died) from a heart attack and in the background Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas music was playing on blast."

"The lady was screaming and crying and begging for her husband to wake up but my mom could hear his gurgling in his last breathes. She doesn't listen to or watch Alvin and the chipmunks since."

-- Blueflowerbluehair

What is it About Christmas?

"Christmas night. 911 call with crying child on the other end. A neighbor had run her car over her mom during a domestic."

"The mom crawled to the porch bleeding and the child saw the car coming back. I had her hide quietly in a closet with the cordless phone."

"The 10 year old child was crying and screamed that she hated Christmas. She was afraid of the police when they got there."

"I kept her on the phone until she felt safe enough to give the phone to an officer. I almost fainted after that call was over. Had nightmares for a while."

-- 2FunBoofer

Close to Home 

"Not a dispatcher but I handle radio communications for the Coast Guard. One night I was on the radio and got a call from an 11 year old kid whose boat had started to sink. He was out with his dad and 6 year old brother."

"They had been hit by another boat and his father got knocked unconscious. I remember the entire conversation up until the radio had gone underwater."

"They ended up finding his dad floating on his back alive but the two boys didn't make it. That one really fu**ed with me because my two littlest brothers were around the same age as the youngest."

-- HIRSH2243

A Horrible Clock 

"Another one that stays with me was the man who called in. It was the anniversary of his adult son having hanged himself. He'd now come home to find his wife had done the same."

"That date is always going to be a black day for him."

-- mozgw4


If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Again, we hope you never have to use the 911 call in your life. Nobody wants to be involved in a sudden emergency or a tragic incident.

But hopefully, if you do, an operator like one of these thoughtful, sensitive Redditors is on the other end.

Image by Nguyen Dinh Lich from Pixabay

When I was moving on from middle school to high school my parents had me tested for the "gifted" program. By some miracle I passed and was accepted. And then I turned it down. Everyone was irritated. "This will pave the way for any college you want! You'll learn so much!" his path will set you up for life!" Every adult tried valiantly to sell me this merchandise but in my gut I just wasn't buying it. So I "settled" a level below, merely advanced classes. And upon reflection... it was the best choice I ever made.

Redditor u/dauntlessdaisy was wondering how far some in life got by asking... For those of you who were considered "gifted" in school, what are you doing with your life now?
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Image by Markus Spiske from Pixabay

There's a million things that can happen to you while out on on the road.

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