What every happened to the good ole days when we met one another, searching for love, at a bar? Now everything is on an app. And these apps are proving more and more dangerous and faulty. Wouldn't you just love to know who runs these sites though and how their love lives are working out? Also, knowing the statistics of how we're all connecting (i.e... swiping) could help out with saving so much time. Let's see whose willing to spill the tea on the behind the scenes on the search for romance.
Redditor u/brunetteht3 wanted everyone to know exactly what they're getting when signing up for love with these "apps" by asking staff to divulge.... Redditors that worked with a dating company (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc.), what's the most insane user stat or behind-the-scenes fact you found out about?Can't Look Away
social media smile GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphyI have a friend who works for... I wanna say Tinder. Anyway, the company isn't important; what is important is that her ENTIRE job is to remove inappropriate images. Her JOB is to look at penis pics all day. Five days a week. That's all. No stat. Just a weird freaking job.
Renewals....
My ex bf worked for the Yahoo Italy dating site back in the early-ish 2000s. His job was to pretend to be a woman, and message male customers just as their accounts were going to expire. This would encourage them to pay to renew their subscriptions. Once they renewed, he would ghost them.
He only lasted for a few months due to how unethical it was.
Analytics...
I ran operations for an online dating company (notably not affiliated with Match). From database analytics I can tell you a few things. Men initiate contact around 80% of the time in straight matchmaking, and if you are a woman looking to date other women and you simply initiate contact with another woman you have a good chance of success simply because it's very very very common for women to match but then neither initiates contact. IIRC we were able to determine that it takes on average about 3 dates before sex happens (I don't recall how we worked that out, I'm not a data analyst, but presumably it was some keyword based algorithm looking at chat messages).
We got so many requests for information from the police that we had an informal system with them, to save them from wasting time getting warrants for information about people who we didn't have data on, they would ask about a particular name/email/whatever other identifier and we would just say yes we have data about them or no we don't, and if we did they'd then go get the warrant to get a copy of it.
The other thing I can tell you from our analytics, that really shouldn't be at all surprising, is to get some decent profile photos. Go get your talented friend or just hire a photographer to take some really nicely-lit well-composed photos of yourself and watch your match rate soar.
Phonies....
Gigi Hadid Kiss GIF by Clint SpauldingGiphyMy old boss was the financial controller of a big dating site. He kept on seeing these big invoices for modelling agencies and initially thought it was because of the big parties they used to host. When he asked about it it turned out it was just content for the fake profiles they created to lure in users.
Ownership....
Most dating sites and apps are owned by one company The Match Group. They have a near monopoly. I think bumble is one of the few not owned by them.
Those morons bought OkCupid and turned it from something awesome into a steaming pile of that sucks even more than Tinder.
For those that don't know how it was 7-8 years ago:
- Usernames (could be your first name or something else like a nickname)
- Various Free text fields to describe you; also searchable
- Structured metadata (age, smoking, drugs, looking-for, offspring...) that could be filtered by
- "Match questions" that were actually fun to answer and check how others answered on stuff interesting/important to you
- "Quizzes" from personality type over nerdiness to kinkiness (and much more) and you could see the results in someone's profile
- No swiping, you just messaged people (actual messages or chat, and you could switch from one to the other if you were online at the same time) if you wanted to
- Premium accounts were very affordable and only had some small gimmicks but nothing seriously important (search by more superficial details like body type, not showing up in someone's visitor list unless you want to reveal yourself, etc.)
So basically it was an awesome site regardless if you were looking for friends, dates, fucks or were just curious to find out more about strangers.
And now? Real names only, swiping, no search, sh!tty UI (clearly not interested in desktop users), much more expensive premium accounts.
Following the rhythm....
I would love to know how openly cynical the algorithm really is. My feed on Hinge shows absolutely no one I am interested in. And suddenly, the 'roses' feature pops up. I am interested in all the people in the Roses section. But - oh - it's £4 to buy ONE rose. Which is no guarantee of a match, much less a date.
They want to keep you using the app and spending money for as long as possible and their slogan 'designed to be deleted' is such bs it's comical. And you can't turn to other apps because they're all owned by the same corporation.
The 99%
Disappointed Talk To Me GIF by Dark IglooGiphyThis was years ago now, but I used to work with a guy who had been an engineer for Match.com.
He said 99% of the profiles were inactive, and that 80% of the active profiles were men.
He didn't provide numbers but also said the was a huge disparity between the average number of messages sent to women versus those sent to men. According to him, all told the site was mostly men reaching out to dead profiles and never getting responses.
As I said however, this was years ago, so it's entirely possible that they've cleaned the site up since then.
Right ain't right for all....
Not been working but a friend wrote her master thesis about the different criteria in online dating and real life. Almost half (43%) the female participants who were in a relationship told they'd never have swiped right on their current partner. Other interesting results were that over 60% of men they wrote with on apps and agreed to go on a date, would have no chance, if they asked in real life.
Edit: Since many asked about the thesis, I'll ask her if she can share it here but be prepared, it's in German. As to the second point: I don't know exactly how she worded the question in the survey but iirc she was referring to clubs and the like.
Bugged
A couple met on the dating app I worked on. Unfortunately, the man passed away and the lady returned to the app where they met for remembrance.
One day, a bug in the system made some profile likes to be sent again after months and she received one from her deceased boyfriend.
Her bug report was heartbreaking.
Oh Mary Jane
weed GIF by Cosmic EvilGiphyLots of gay guys get banned from Grindr selling weed. Would get a lot of emails of "why am I banned." Go to their profile and will say "HMU for that 🌳.
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Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
Join me...
Scandal
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555
Oh My Wow GIFGiphy"biggest disappointment"
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
Unfair_Biscotti2828
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
Creative_Recover
The Dead
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
valkyrieonaunicorn
"matriarch"
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
insertcaffeine
Everybody
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDregan
John Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphySounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
People Issues
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311
Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphySo Dumb
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
This_Personality3731
Liar Liar
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
UniqueUsername82D
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
Hello_Im_the_world
Maria?
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2Bach
Excited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphyWell the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
Floating
Relaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
gil_beard
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
Sanguiniutron
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
NnyIsSpooky
'migraine cocktail'
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
LarryLong*alls_
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
master_baitor12
Shake It
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
Quanisha8472
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
tevelis
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
wrichards12
The Itch
Scratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Existing-Seat5962
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!
Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Lime_Rose
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
Ok_Sprinkles_8777
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
curlyfat
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
Batcraft10
That Feeling
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
Apprehensive_Pen_793
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
cocoawhirl
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
Apprehensive_Bet_438
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
doodwhatsrsly
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
AngiesPhalanges
A Good Rest
dog puppy GIFGiphy"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
Puitzza
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
pitypuruty
I am enthralled by all of those things.
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duh
seth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
glorified_throwaway
Don't Minimize
"Everybody goes through that."
rukasu83
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
MasterOfRNoSleep
"They try to minimize it."
Previous_Ad7725
Stellar Advice
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
CrayolaSocks
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
HumanityIsACesspool
"physical health"
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
TheLastKirin
Relax
Calm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy"You need to calm down."
sorceress__stoned
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
LBIdockrat
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
Tips
Season 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
Mediocre_Ad8282
The Standard
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
allgamerprogram
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
NilPill
Be Faster
"'Stop being lazy.'"
LadyBirdLadyBirdLady
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
_Varien_
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
Ms_Schuesher
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
TheFrustrated
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
RisingPhoenix5271
'contamination'
Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Zoooples
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.