People Who Were In Jail On 9/11 Reveal What The Experience Was Like
People Who Were In Jail On 9/11 Reveal What The Experience Was Like
[rebelmouse-image 18358211 is_animated_gif=Most of the world was glued to their televisions on September 11, 2001, trying to figure out what was happening. But what if your access to information was limited?
Reddit user dancingbanana123 asked "People who were in prison during 9/11, what was that like?"
Here are the responses from the people who learned of the terrorist attacks from behind bars.
Australian Perspective
[rebelmouse-image 18358212 is_animated_gif=It was weird. I was in minimum security at the time and it was night (because hemispheres). I got out of the shower and my flatmate (it was more like a 2br unit than a cellblock as we were in min near the ends of long sentences) had the news on. That was weird cos she usually wasn't interested in the news. She should have been watching reruns of "Whose line is it anyway?"
I watched the newsreader talking as the first tower collapsed in the live feed square in the corner of the screen. The newsreader kind of gasped and I sat down in my towel and stayed up watching for the next few hours. After that I had the radio going all night in bed. I'd never used the radio for anything other than an alarm before.
The next day, nobody was really hassled about going to work. Almost everyone was sitting watching the news all day and freaking out about what it meant. Ladies went from unit to unit with biscuits (cookies) and snacks to talk about it. Was our country going to be pulled in another war because of our alliance with the US?
Turned out yes, yes and more yes to that question. I wrote an article about it for the prison magazine. The live feed was very disturbing - a lot of what was shown there was never shown on commercial tv again. Didn't take long for things to return to normal, though.
Sounds of Silence
[rebelmouse-image 18358213 is_animated_gif=I was doing an early shift in a big maximum security center. I was in the intake area where all the inmates go before they get taken to court.
At the time about 200 inmates a day were going to court. It was normally a really noisy area with tv's showing crappy morning shows which you couldn't hear anyway.
That morning was quiet, almost silent, you could hear a pin drop. I never saw it like that before or since. Everyone just knew what they were witnessing was a big deal.
Fear
[rebelmouse-image 18358214 is_animated_gif=I was in maximum security (Foothills Correctional Institution) Morganton, NC. That morning I was in my C++ College course when another inmate came in late saying the World Trade Center was attacked by terrorists.
I was about to graduate in a few months and had the ability to leave the college area and head back to my Unit to watch TV. After realizing it was serious I went to my single cell and started strapping up in case martial law was declared.
Scary times...
Momentary Chaos
[rebelmouse-image 18358215 is_animated_gif=I was in a level 4, maximum security in Connecticut at the time.
It was very odd, some people fired cells some guys flooded, cops were in shock, some things got out of hand immediately afterwards.
A day or two later it was business as usual.
No Concept of Severity
[rebelmouse-image 18358216 is_animated_gif=I was serving 9 and a half months and was 8 days away from getting out. I was in a dorm setting and we were allowed to use the phones early in the morning.
One of my fellow inmates had talked to a family member and woke up the guy next to me and said "planes just flew into the World Trade Center".
That was pretty much all we knew. There was no sense of chaos or anything like that. I don't think we realized how bad it was until later that night. I just remember thinking "if sh!# really goes down I hope it's after my release date". For the most part it felt like it was just another day.
Family Concerns
[rebelmouse-image 18358217 is_animated_gif=9/11 is significant to me for not only being locked up at the time but my mother was flying out of Boston that morning from Logan Airport. The airport where 2 of the planes were hijacked.
That morning I was walking across the top tier about to take a shower and below the TV's were on. The 1st plane had crashed already and the networks were still unsure of what was going on. It was just coverage of the tower burning. Then a girl points to the screen and yells and I watch the 2nd plane hit. Some were going to phones calling family who lived in New York. I proceeded to take a shower.
As I was showering I said out loud that bin laden came back to take out towers and finish the job. Little did I know I was actually right. It also was time I realized my Mom was in Boston and the news said that's where planes came from. I was Like F#$% My Mom might be on those planes! Panic flowed through me instantly. She was leaving Boston that morning to return home that day for I had court the next morning and she was going to court with me. Anyway, I jumped out the shower, got dressed and booked it to the phone to call my Dad. He answered. I said immediately was that her plane? He paused and slowly said he didn't think so for her flight was like at 9AM or something. He said he had been trying to call her but the cell lines were jammed. It gave me huge sigh relief but I was still freaked out cuz of all the misinformation going around that terrible day. Later I found out the FBI swarmed the airport and she stayed with my Aunt until she could get home via train and car 3 days later cuz all flights were grounded for days.
It was awful feeling that I'm not only locked up watching the world go to sh!#, and I can't even do anything but sit and watch helplessly all the while wondering if my Mom was on one of the planes. Terrible feeling. The not knowing. It was such a scary day that I hope we will never see again.
Howard Stern Bit
[rebelmouse-image 18358218 is_animated_gif=Michigan level 2, medium security. I was laying in my bunk listening to Howard Stern on my am/fm cassette player during count time. It was very weird. I thought he was doing some bit for a few minutes and was like 'wtf?'. If I recall correctly he kept his show going longer than it was supposed to and I just stayed in my cell and listened.
I don't recall if they put us on lock down. Honestly from what I remember it was still fairly normal afterwards.
Regrets
[rebelmouse-image 18358219 is_animated_gif=During 9/11, I was incarcerated at the Correctional Industrial Facility in Pendleton, Indiana, serving a 30-year sentence for murder. I was working in the Chapel as a clerk, just outside of the Chaplain's office. In his office was a TV, and when the first plane struck the WTC and the news flash interrupted the current program, I was in shock that such a horrific accident could happen. When the second plane struck, I knew in that instant that it was not an accident, but a deliberate act of war against the United States. At that moment, the guards and administration also recognized that a serious national event was occurring. All work details were immediately canceled, and all of us inmates were escorted back to our cells. The entire prison was eerily quiet because everyone was either in shock or realized that the United States had just suffered an act of war. The prison was placed on lockdown, not only to prevent rioting, but also because no one knew what was going to happen in the coming hours or days. My cellmate had a TV, and we watched in horror as the events of the day unfolded. There were some inmates who found pleasure in the government being attacked, but these were very much in the minority. The vast majority of inmates, especially the veterans, were horrified.
There were many times when I was in prison that I felt helpless and incapacitated. But never more so than on September 11th, 2001. If I could have, I would have rushed to New York to dig through the rubble with my bare hands. But I couldn't. Never had I felt so acutely the crushing weight of those walls and those bars. I am a naturalized citizen, by choice, because I love this country. I committed a crime, and I paid my debt, but I harbor no ill will against the government for my incarceration. I broke the law, I got what I deserved. The United States is the greatest nation on earth (my incarceration notwithstanding), and on that day I would have done whatever was necessary to protect it. If only I could have. To this day, that is one of my greatest regrets.
72 Hour Delay
[rebelmouse-image 18358220 is_animated_gif=We didn't know what happened, we all thought somebody escaped. That's what the older prisoners told us anyway. No TV, no newspapers, no radio, no work (we were kitchen staff and served 2 meals per day) and we didn't have trays, instead it was bagged lunch for everybody (PB&J and a carton of milk) for three days.
After the first 12-15 hours the older inmates were telling us "It could be a riot in another block." because it was too quiet. Any stirs by the inmates, the loudspeaker would come on and tell us we are on lockdown.
When we found out, 72 hours later, it was total shock. We were in California and we didn't know if our families were OK or what. I had to wait 2 hours to make a phone call to my family.
I had to have my family in CA contact family in NJ and tell them to accept the collect call from me. I wouldn't take anybodies word that everyone was alive.
Helpless
[rebelmouse-image 18358221 is_animated_gif=For us, they shut down the yard.
When we went inside the tv was on which wasn't normal for that time of day so we all knew that something was up.
Then we watched as the towers fell. They let those of us with family in NY call them to check on them.
Felt helpless.
Grudging Respect
[rebelmouse-image 18358222 is_animated_gif=I was two years into a 12 year sentence for attempted murder in a maximum security prison in Connecticut, maybe 100 miles from where the towers fell. I was outside my cellblock on my job assignment in a prison industry program when it happened, we were all signing out tools and getting ready for work when they called for the lock down over the intercom. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, prison wide lockdowns happened occasionally for a variety of reasons and in fact we were due for the annual prison wide shake down so we all assumed that's what it was. As I was heading back to my workstation to gather up my tools (and dispose of my contraband lol) I overheard one of COs say that New York just got attacked and we were at war, I just assumed bullsh!# and went about my business but it quickly became clear that something was up. The COs seemed panicked and they were rushing us out, I didn't even get a pat down on the way out. Normally if you're getting locked down because of a disturbance in the prison the COs feel the need to be a-holes to the guys that were just minding their business on the other side of the complex but they weren't like that, they kept telling us to just get back to our cells and we'd find out what's up.
I should mention here that most inmates had TVs in their cells. My cell mate and I arrived back at our cell at roughly the same instant, immediately hopped on our bunks and stayed there glued to our TVs for the next four hours. I got back about ten minutes before the second plane hit and when it hit I remember being so shocked that something like that was happening so close to me that I looked out the window to make sure the world wasn't ending.
So back story on my relationship with the cell mate. This guy just moved in about a month ago, he was a African-American Muslim from New York City, I was a white boy from the country with a chip on my shoulder. Needless to say there was your classic culture clash and we butted heads a lot in the beginning but gradually settled into a mutual respect relationship and coexisted. Up until that day we hadn't spoken in about two weeks. I know people wonder how you can spend all day in a cell with a person and never speak but honestly those are the best cellies, try getting locked in a cell with a guy that's constantly bitching about his problems and you'll know what I mean.
So that fateful day after about 4 hours they brought lunch, my cell mate went out to get it and we broke our vows of silence over egg salad. I just remember him being irate that it happened in his city and heartbroken over the damage this would do to his religion. I didn't realize it at the time but he was spot on with some of the stuff that he was prophesying that day. He was so apologetic for his religion, it was the first time I'd actually seen that miserable bastard vulnerable. We came off lock down 3 days later and things went back to routine quickly because that's how you get through a long prison sentence, just follow the routine. My cell mate got his backside kicked over a card game about a week later and I never saw him again but I credit him with the fact that I'm not one of those people that believe all Muslims are terrorists.
Backlash
[rebelmouse-image 18358223 is_animated_gif=I was in prison from October 2000 to June 15th 2002. On June 3rd 2001 I took my shahada (became a Muslim). As a white inmate this was pretty difficult. I was the only white Muslim in the prison I was in. So there was some extra heat on me for that. But it had subsided...
September 11th 2001 I was awoken by another inmate...turned on the tv and watched the second plane hit live while the first was smoking. We (the Muslim community) were all approached by the staff and were all offered protective custody status once they figured out it was a terrorist attack and Osama bin Laden was one of the masterminds. It was a very trying time. We would make salat (pray) on the yard in the evening together. It was a scary time. We had a few "meetings" with outside ministers and imams where we all tried to come together and understand things.
Religious Understanding
[rebelmouse-image 18358224 is_animated_gif=I was in prison in Missouri at the time, minimum security camp (Tipton).
Even though there wasn't much of a security risk inmate wise, when the planes hit it was about 30 minutes later everyone was told to report back to our buildings. Temporary lock down was in place, and the closest military base had fighter jets on patrol almost immediately. Even though we had to go on lockdown, almost everyone was already in a cubicle watching as the 2nd plane hit.
"Holy f-" was about the most common expletive, as was "was that f'ing real?"
Religious groups were the main concern, as there was a strong Nation of Islam and Muslim population.
Luckily I was part of a multi faith group, being with my Wiccan group mainly, that spoke and shared beliefs, experiences, and sat in on each other's respective faith meetings and ceremonies. It was a very unique and interesting in between sort of group and time for about a month after 9-11 happened. I like to think the openness our eclectic mix of faiths possessed helped bridge the gap between opposite groups and their response to such an extreme point in our history.
Spectre of War
[rebelmouse-image 18358225 is_animated_gif=It was shortly after count had cleared and I had just walked outside to the yard before going to my job in the education department. The inmate I worked with asked me if I heard that we were at war and that they had attacked New York. I remember my belly was in a knot thinking Oh sh!# we're at war and I'm stuck in here and my family is out there.
I grew up in the 80s and remembered that cold war fear that the Russians were gonna take over the country so that's what I was thinking when I heard war. I was only a few years into a very long sentence so I didn't know what to think. When we went into the classroom we rigged the TV to catch channels over the antenna, we were all glued to the TV and I'll never forget watching people jump to their deaths. I called my folks and said we loved each other and my dad reassured me that we weren't going to be taken over by another country. We had like 15 channels on TV in our units and I remember every single channel had the news on, even BET.
Rumor Mill
[rebelmouse-image 18358226 is_animated_gif=I had just recently arrived in the system after sitting in county for a while, so was still in Diagnostics where all your processing like medical and affiliations and job placement stuff happens. I remember being still asleep when a guard turned on the lights and rolled the TV into the dorm. (Intake's had been torn down by the last batch, or maybe the batch before them.) I remember my bunk was right by the plug, so I could sit there and be right to the side of the TV. My house was popular for a few days, lol.
Everyone was confused at first, "What the hell boss, why you waking us up?", but his demeanor showed that something serious was up. Big grey-headed dude, usually jovial, was like "Y'all quiet down and look at this." We thought it was just a crash at first, but he answered, "No, we're under attack." I'm not super sure about the timeline--he must have brought it on shortly after the Pentagon got hit? I remember seeing one of the towers fall, at least, but the memory is fuzzy. We were one somber bunch of hoodlums, though.
They left the TV in the dorm all that day, and most of the next. Like others have said, we didn't go out for a few days. We didn't go full lockdown, because they kept running the diagnostic stuff, but I can't speak for the rest of the camp.
Among the inmates, it was gossip as usual, hyped to the walls. There's gonna be a war, they're gonna let us out, gonna write my recruiter and get outta here, blah blah blah.
Dark Cloud
[rebelmouse-image 18348537 is_animated_gif=I was in a max prison in Texas at the time. I was in the infirmary talking to the PA when a nurse came in and told the doctor that a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. A little bit later she came in again crying telling the PA that another plane had just crashed into the second tower.
All three of us came out of the room into the "lobby" where someone had rolled a TV in. We all watched the news broadcast, the people crying, footage of the planes crashing, everything.
In prison, prisoners segregate themselves according to race and then by city. Then there's more segregation between prisoners and guards, nurses, etc.,
But at that brief moment, we were all standing there watching the TV and all those lines of separation where gone. When those towers were attacked, we were all attacked. We were all feeling sadness, worry, anger. I remember walking back to my building and everyone was quiet. Guards weren't giving us a hard time, inmates were more quiet than usual, just a dark cloud over the prison.
Stuck
[rebelmouse-image 18358227 is_animated_gif=I was in Prison (Australia) in my cell, at night, watching Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (the series) on the ABC (Australian Broadcasting Commission). At approx 8:30/8:45pm the series ceased and live feed went up of the Towers etc,
Checked out the other channels, all the same. People were calling out from their cells to tell people about it.
My first thoughts: we were at War and here I am stuck behind 4 walls.
Media Blackout
[rebelmouse-image 18358229 is_animated_gif=I was in prison during 9/11 in what was called "high risk" but most people would understand "maximum security". It was a two story section of cells where you went when you had been really bad in prison and gotten too many cases. We had been on complete lock down for a while, no TV, no anything. The guards hated us because we were jerks and only came back there when they were required to.
It was football season and we had been decently good hoping to talk the guards into letting us watch a cowboys game. This was maybe two weeks after 9/11. During the game they kept showing video of planes crashing into buildings.
A guard was walking by checking on us and someone asked why they kept showing it. That's when we were told that we had been attacked a couple weeks prior. Don't really remember what I felt about it because even then we didn't know a lot about it.
Small Upgrades That Actually Made A Huge Difference In People's Homes
Reddit user Super_dupa2 asked: 'What small upgrade made a huge difference at your house?'
Making yourself feel at home takes work but not as much as you think.
Homeowners, for example, are apprehensive about renovations because of how much costs.
Even tenants renting a home can feel like they're stuck in a situation where they don't feel comfortable because of minor inconveniences they think requires major solutions to fix.
Cut to this Reddit thread, where the ideas for affordable home improvement options were shared that may make you wonder, "Why didn't I think of that?"
Curious to hear some tips from strangers online, Redditor Super_dupa2 asked:
"What small upgrade made a huge difference at your house?"
We tend to overcomplicate things when solutions can be simplified.
Taking Charge
"Methodically buying phone chargers with long enough cables to not have to ever move one again."
– ihadtowalkhere
"I am a pretty mellow dad (benign neglect parenting style for 5 kids) but I have two rules. Nobody messes with my bedside charger and nobody steals my two pillows."
"So, as such, I make many, long chargers available for everybody. It costs me a fortune:)"
– nicktam2010
Hello Darkness, My Old Friend
"Blackout curtains for sleeping. Such a game changer."
– blehbleh1122
"And they keeps my bedroom cooler."
– BunjaminFrnklin
"Insulated blackout curtains make a 10f difference in my living room on hot days."
– TryUsingScience
A Cool Idea
"Attic heat exhaust fan. Our attic used to get up to 140F on the hottest days, and on those days our ceilings were hot to the touch. The whole house was consequently uncomfortable. Now the attic fan is thermostatically controlled to 90 degrees, and the whole house is cooler."
– jermleeds
"I added a passive whirly bird that does the same thing. Heat rises and escapes before it can accumulate to those extreme levels. It also happens to be clear acrylic so now there's always light up there too which helps keep away any vermin.
– cantwejustplaynice
No major bathroom renovations are required to make tenants happy.
No More Slamming
"Soft close cabinets and toilet seats."
– AreWeCowabunga
"We have a soft close toilet seat at our home and every time I'm at a hotel, I completely forget that they aren't usually soft close and the slam startles me 😂"
– PinkHamster08
Nozzle Upgrades Can Do The Trick
"A better shower. If you can't redo the whole bathroom, just replace the head. This also works if you rent, just keep the old one in a box, so you can bring the nice one to your next house."
– maartenvanheek
"I'm a renter and I finally installed a better shower head this year, after just using the default head in all my apartments for almost 20 years. 10/10, highly recommend."
– Am_I_a_Guinea_Pig
Perfect Welcoming Gesture
"My wife and I own a smallish apartment complex . One of the things we do every time a new tenant arrives is replace the toilet seat. I learned that trick from my parents who had about a dozen single-family rentals. It's amazing the goodwill you receive from a tenant simplify giving them a new toilet seat. We actually put the box behind the toilet so they know it's new."
– YouInternational2152
It's electrifying!
Think Smart
"Smart outlets for Christmas lights, both inside and outside. I have them scheduled to turn on at sunset and turn off at midnight."
– Revolutionary-Try746
"Smart outlets are one of my favorite purchases. During Halloween and Christmas, we’re using multiple outlets for inflatables, house lights, and tree lights. The smart outlets allow you to have everything synced so they all turn in at the same time."
– cppadam
Things Are Looking Bright
"Replaced dated lighting fixtures - fixtures are now properly grounded, the interior looks more updated, and there is more/better light."
– SnooCauliflowers9981
Energy Conservation Option
"Motion activated light switch for the laundry room. Never have to worry about turning off the light when leaving with an arm full of clothing."
– AmazingAsian
Creating an environment can make a huge difference.
Source Lighting For The Win
"Lighting can absolutely make a huge difference in the way you feel in your room. Get some shoulder height (when you are sitting) lamps for your living room. You will notice a shift in how much more relaxed you feel when you use those instead of the overheads."
– ShoesAreTheWorst
Home Art Gallery
"Spending a day mounting my artwork. It felt so much more like my home after that."
– GinGimlet
"Every time I've moved, I put that off for way too long, then finally break down and do it and the house feels so much better to be in."
– Triolion
One major upgrade was our VE hybrid tech water boiler and warmer we got from Japan.
The Zojirushi kitchen appliance uses VE, or vacuum electric, technology for very minimal electricity to maintain the water temperature at a constant 195° so we always have hot water at the touch of a button.
There's no more time wasted boiling hot water over the stove every time we want tea or the occasional instant cup noodles.
Game changer.
"Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl, I'm the center of Daddy's world..." ~ "Daddy's Girl" by Red Sovine
A lot has been written about the bond between fathers and daughters.
But there's always room for improvement, right?
And who better to offer constructive criticism than daughters?
Reddit user Bluemonday82 asked:
"Daughters of Reddit: what's the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?"
Affection
"My dad and I recently talked about how he stopped showing physical affection when I hit puberty (20 years ago). He didn't know how to act because his sisters got treated inappropriately by others when he was young, and he wanted to be sure I never felt like that."
"It resulted in me never getting hugs or kisses on the cheeks anymore. He also didn't know how to talk about it in the past."
"But in the last years, he worked through so much of his rough childhood and really learned to express himself better. He apologized, and I said I understood and that his intentions came from a good place, that the only bad thing was all the hugs we missed out on."
"We hugged for a really long time after that, and we've been hugging extra tight ever since."
"So I guess what I wanna say is, don't treat your daughters differently when their bodies start to change. And always keep talking!"
"I'm so proud of my dad for the person he's become."
"For a while, I didn't wanna hug my dad either. Puberty was rough for me, and the adults in my life kept acting like it was just a phase."
"And I guess it was, but that doesn't mean it wasn't the most emotionally complicated and lonely period of my life. The feelings weren't less real."
"My dad and I struggled a lot. He didn't know how to express himself at all, and I was so overwhelmed I didn't know either."
"I also grew up with two autistic brothers who needed a lot of care and attention. I love them so much, but it resulted in me always looking out for them and never learning (until just a few years ago) to properly give space to my own inner turmoil."
"My brothers were never physically affectionate either. But once I got out of the heaviest puberty years, I did want that affection from my dad. For a while, male physical attention was a very complicated topic for me."
"A Christian upbringing also played a role in that cause as a young girl growing into a woman, it had a lot to say about how I should behave around men."
"Something important to add is that my dad's rough childhood not only made it hard to show love but also receive it. His journey started with the realization that he had no idea how to react to getting compliments."
"I think that's a thing that a lot of men (from his generation especially, but also younger ones) will recognize. Know that we are all deserving of love and kindness, especially from our loved ones, but even more so from ourselves!"
"My dad couldn't ever have grown this much without learning to really understand what that means. And diving into the withholding of love from his parents heavily impacted how he dealt with that himself."
"I'm so glad my dad and I could both grow and work through our issues. Even if he couldn't show or say it, I never really doubted his love for me."
"But I know he would encourage you all to learn how to show and receive appreciation! That man is my example for people never being too old to learn."
"I'm sending love and strength to all of you who struggle with this in one way or another."
"And to the fathers who feel like their young kids don't want their affection, just know that this will most likely change again over time. They might act like they don't wanna hear it, but keep letting them know you're there for them."
~ yuffieisathief
Showing Up
"The one mistake my dad made was not really being present. A lot of the memories I have of him are him watching TV or being on the computer and not having time to play with me."
"He always said he’s too tired or he’ll come play later but then he never did. So since we never really bonded when I was little we weren’t all that close as I grew older either."
~ katie__kat
Communication
"Getting angry for something the kid doesn't know, and never teaching it. Not before and not even after getting angry.
"Doing something you know upsets the kid on purpose."
"Slamming doors and stuff in the house because you're angry."
"Not listening, and talking only to make themselves look smart and great parents rather than talking for helping."
~ yoyuayu
"I'll never forget the time my dad saw me put something metal in the microwave. I don't know how old I was, but I know I needed to push a chair to the counter to even reach the microwave."
"He SCREAMED at me for several minutes about how STUPID I was and how he couldn't believe I would do something SO INCREDIBLY DUMB and was I trying to start a fire??"
"I had no idea you weren't supposed to put metal in a microwave."
"I did learn a few things that day- don't put metal in the microwave and don't do anything wrong in front of Daddy. Oh, but you won't know if was wrong or not until too late..."
~ DrScarecrow
"Didn’t have to look very far to find the description of my dad—especially slamming doors and hitting things loudly when upset while stomping all over the house."
"People always get a kick out of how jumpy I am (easily startled), but it’s reflexive from anticipating loud bangs/crashing that would come out of nowhere every day."
~ ouija__bored
"My dad had such a short temper. He didn't necessarily hit me, but I got spanked til I was 9 years old and then my mom told him I was too old for that."
"But whenever he was angry (and that was a lot of the time) he'd scream and sometimes slam things."
"My husband slammed his hand onto the table a couple times during fights near the beginning, but realized he was wrong for acting like that, especially seeing how I'd immediately shut down. He's gotten much better."
~ Educational_Cat_5902
Being Your Child's Bully
"Singing in a falsetto voice and poking until your autistic kid is screaming at you to stop isn’t 'fun' or teaching them to be less sensitive, it’s why they don’t ever want to hang out with you."
~ Redqueenhypo
"Making fun when your small daughter is having big feelings."
"I got so furiously frustrated when my parents wouldn't listen to what I was trying to tell them and my dad just loooooved to mock my crying or squeaky 'upset' voice back at me."
"It made me so f*cking hurt and angry to not only be ignored and patronized, but actively MOCKED when I tried to communicate."
"Now as an adult I don't bother trying to share anything with them."
"Another classic was when I was disappointed and said, 'aww, man' he'd scrunch up his face, raise his voice three octaves, and 'AwW mAn!!' back at me."
"So now I wasn't just sad and disappointed, but sad, disappointed, and humiliated!"
"Imagine choosing to be your child's first bully... 😞"
~ Not_a_werecat
Just a Girl
"Or from my experience—not even bothering to teach anything because Dad assumes his daughter wouldn't be interested because she's a girl."
"Worse—actively making sh*tty jokes about women not liking those things."
~ Cinnapuns
"Not having anything to do with their daughters because the dad 'doesn't have anything in common with a girl'."
"This goes double if a son shows up and the dad is really involved in the son's life."
~ Dangerous_Contact737
Puberty Isn't a Disease
"My dad basically bailed on parenting once I hit puberty."
"Like, you think I’m enjoying this? It would have been great to have another supportive adult around."
~ captain_flasch
"Same! What’s up with that?"
"I remember having a good relationship with my dad as a child but he emotionally cut me off and stopped hanging out with me when the boobs came in."
"I would be lying if I said that I’m past it and it doesn’t f*ck with my head still."
~ Pandapartyatmidnight
Know Nothing
"Literally knowing nothing about their daughters lives."
"Those ‘funny’ videos where they ask fathers basic questions—like what their daughter's birthday, or eye color, or school is—and the dads have no idea are not at all funny.
"I love my dad but he can’t tell you anything about me—even the name of the place I’ve worked for over 6 years."
~ Lazylioness17
"One year when I was in elementary, my mom left a comically large piece of paper on the front door for my dad telling him not to forget to wish me a happy birthday."
"Not only did he not wish me a happy birthday, but he somehow didn’t see the gigantic sign when he walked in the house from work. So I got to read it when I got home from school."
"Sometimes I think about calling him to check in but then I think of that (and other complete fumbles) and then I just don’t."
~ TetonsTeaTin
"When I was in 4th grade, we did a Christmas recital where all the classes sung songs. My mom couldn’t make it because she had work so she sent my dad with the camcorder."
"He recorded the wrong kid. Very awkward watching the tape that night."
~ myturtlebitme
The original poster shared their reason for asking his question.
"Wanted to add that I'm a dad of a teen and that motivated me to ask this. The replies are just heartbreaking."
"I'm reading every single reply and I really hope all the dads and parents and basically everyone is learning something."
~ Bluemonday82
"Dad of an almost 4 year old daughter with two older brothers…. I’m scouring this post like there is cash on it somewhere."
~ Feeling_Advantage108
"I’m doing the same thing, stepdad that adores both my boy and girl. Couldn’t have kids myself. Searching for gold on this thread."
~ Numbthumbz
And the daughters appreciated it.
"This is healing my younger self—knowing that there are fathers trying to do right by their young girls.
"I'm 25 now and I think if he just would have asked me how I was doing (and meant it) it would have changed me a lot."
~ Loniceraa
"Same. My father was cartoonishly selfish, strict, controlling and mostly only saw me as a pretty, obedient mirror born to reflect his glory. What I thought, felt, liked, or wanted mattered very little and we seldom had what I would call 'real' conversations."
"Reading the posts of all the good fathers in this thread has been wonderful."
"I'm so happy there are tons of little girls out there with fathers who want to know them and see them for who they really are, who want to teach them things and bond with them."
"My father never wanted to get to know the real me, which is a shame because I'm a f*cking delight."
~ insolentpopinjay
As the OP stated, hopefully everyone has used this opportunity to learn something.
Is there anything you would add?
People Explain Which Things They'll Never Tell Their Significant Other About
Full disclosure at all times with your significant other, right?
Yeah, good luck with that.
Let's get real—there are things we don't tell our partners for a lot of reasons.
Sometimes you just don't feel like having to explain something that doesn't really affect them.
Sometimes you're protecting them from something that will have a devastating effect on them.
These are probably going to be more that second one...
Reddit user Janine_18 asked:
"What's the one thing you'll never tell your SO?"
Love/Hate Relationship
"She loves her siblings and hates her parents."
"I hate her siblings and love her parents."
"They were very tight with their parents for the first 3 years of our relationship, and in 2017-2018 all hell broke loose so to say. My partner has no personal animus towards her parents, she is however extremely close to her older sibling who has a heap of problems with their parents."
"My partner follows their lead and it guides her own relationship with their parents. And the reason her siblings have huge problems with their parents is that they retired, moved 20(!) whole minutes away from their childhood home and went on a vacation for a month.
"They are apparently 'selfish', 'inconsiderate', and 'don’t think of themselves as parents'. This despite the fact that they call and visit for every holiday, birthday, promotion, celebration of any kind. Dog and babysit. Frequently host. Communicate well."
"No the absolute truth is that my partner's siblings are black holes and not great."
"Would 'I radically dislike your one sibling and don’t trust the other at all” be a viable middle ground?'."
~ Agreed_fact
Sweet Tooth
"A few years ago, my girlfriend put a candy bowl in our hallway at our apartment for Halloween. She came home that day to discover that nobody took any candy, and she was a little bummed."
"Over the course of that week, I'd take candy out before work or when she was asleep."
"She got so happy that 'the neighbors loved the candy'. She does this every year now, and I have to continuously swipe the candy and pretend it is the neighbors."
"It makes her happy, and I get free candy. Win win."
~ AlecsWebHair
GiphyIn It For the House
"That I know she cheated on me and the only reason I haven't left her is because the mortgage interest rates are a bit high so I can't comfortably buy her half of the equity we have in the house."
"I got a valuation, a mortgage pre-approval, and a lawyer all ready to go... But would only have about $21 per week to spare... I'd be screwed the first time a major appliance or the car breaks down..."
~ H_He_Metals
Mommy Dearest
"That her mother is a bad person in disguise of a caring and beloved figure."
~ Relative_Rich8169
"My pet name for my girlfriend is Bambi."
"She thinks it's because has big brown eyes, but really it's because I want to shoot her mother with a rifle."
~ airblizzard
Giphy"That's my mother in law. For her daughter, she'll do anything... to the point that it's overbearing and controlling and difficult to deal with."
"And for everyone else, she is one of the least empathetic people I've ever met..."
"She CRIED when Rush Limbaugh died, and she literally said the Proud Boys are like the Boy Scouts. But she'll drop $2,000 on Christmas presents for one person like it's nothing, so she thinks she's owed respect and kind words."
"I literally had to tell her at one point, 'If you want me to stop calling you a Nazi, buying me more presents or arguing with me isn't going to do it, you have to stop saying Nazi-friendly sh*t'. But she didn't stop, of course."
"She thought COVID was no big deal until a family member died of it."
"She also makes tons of snide comments about my work. I'm a lawyer in Big Law, I make great money but it's soul sucking and I never wanted to do this forever, I want to work for the government."
"She'll see a postal worker and say 'That'll be you one day, government worker, not a great way to provide for my daughter'."
"Her daughter, my wife, is a DOCTOR who is going to make more than I do no matter what job I work, and she herself is a dentist who worked until her banker husband could retire at the same time as her."
"She talks sh*t about how I made her daughter an atheist (I didn't, she did that on her own), but she herself has NEVER read the Bible and hasn't been to church in 20 years."
"She unironically believes in aliens, Big Foot, and ghosts, and thinks she saw Mother Mary in the sky."
"All the bad things I tend to think about Republicans (they don't care about an issue until it personally affects them, they have no standards except double standards, they use religion as a cudgel but don't actively live a spiritual life, they believe insane sh*t with zero evidence, they're old fashioned and judgy and can't accept that the world is changing around them, etc...) is her to the letter."
~ 2Charming-Fig-2544
Magic the Retirement Fund
"How much my Magic the Gathering collection is worth."
"They'll absolutely try to get me to sell some of it."
"It's my precious."
~ Ganthamus_prime
GiphyFirst Impressions
"When he and I first met, I was CERTAIN he was gay."
"He is very much NOT gay."
"And he will NEVER know I ever thought this."
~ ShinyIrishNarwhal
No Llama Drama
"When me and my wife first started dating, I had a dumb canvas painting with a llama and rabbit on it that I found at Walmart. I showed it to her and told her how much I loved it just because it was just such a dumb random thing to find."
"For some reason she took that as I love llamas and that they are my favorite animal. So now, every time she sees one or something with a llama on it I see her brighten up to show me and I get excited with her!"
"Llamas are not my favorite animal. Never have been. I don’t know how she made this connection, but i will never tell her otherwise because seeing her face light up every time is way better."
~ WhereTheChapstickAt
GiphyRelationship by Google
"I spend a couple hours doing research on how to make relationships work and keep her happy in the long run."
"She thinks I'm this awesome perfect guy but I just do what the internet tells me."
~ BadRobot___
Chemical Warfare
"He thinks I don’t fart around him because I’m too shy or polite."
"It’s really because they are so bad they could kill a horse."
~ Neonpantsuit
GiphyAre There Raisins?
"I don't like the potato salad she makes, and she always tries to make it as a treat for me."
"It's my mom's recipe, but doesn't taste like mom's."
~ Bean_Juice_Brew
*yawn* 🥱
"The spot you make me sleep in on the bed is uncomfortable but I lay there because you're comfortable where you are."
~ legacyrisky
GiphyConfessions
"We’re both in college, and last semester we both had a cold at some point. He had it much, much worse than I did, so I went to class and he skipped."
"Afterwards, I went to his dorm to share notes and take a nap. I was almost asleep, and I’m assuming he thought I was, because I felt him squeeze me and whisper, 'I love you so f**king much'.”
"It was the sweetest thing ever and I’m never telling him I know he did that."
~ scorpiomooon
Maybe a Farm Upstate?
"I definitely didn't kill that massive spider, and I have no idea where it went."
~ Cothak88
GiphySo, these weren't too awful, right?
What secrets are you keeping?
People's Wildest 'WTF Is Wrong With You?' Experiences
We all have that moment where someone we know says something so completely absurd, the only response we think of is 'WTF is wrong with you?'
Sometimes, it's something woefully inaccurate that you can't wrap your head around the fact that someone believes that.
Othertimes, it's something completely offensive and you regret your association with that person.
My college roommate was a girl I knew from my high school. I didn't know her too well, but we had some big things in common, so I figured it'd be fun to live with her.
This girl was half-Korean and talked a lot about racist people. At first, I let her rant, figuring maybe she or someone in her family faced some racism. I faced some myself, and I agreed with most of the things she said about racists. Eventually, however, I realized she was equating the word 'racist' with the word 'white.'
I spoke to her once, telling her she can't use 'racist' and 'white' interchangeably. She agreed to stop doing that, but within a few days, she started doing it again. She was a very bright girl, so I was a little concerned about this, especially since her own dad was white and was possibly the nicest man in the world. Not to mention, this made her and her siblings half-white too. Did that mean they were all half-racist?
I stuck by her for a while, but when she started saying things about what she wanted to do to racist people (once again using the word 'white' instead of 'racist'), I realized I couldn't be around her anymore. She couldn't talk about anything else after a while, and every time she spoke, I wanted to say, 'WTF is wrong with you?'
We did not room together the next year.
Redditors have stories similar to mine (and some even crazier), and they are eager to share.
It all started when a Redditorasked:
How To End A Friendship
"In college I used to kill time between classes hanging out with a guy who was from the same redneck county as myself. We didn’t really have much else in common, but he was nice enough and seemed eager to socialize so I figured why not. I wasn’t overly social myself and didn’t know a whole lot of people."
"One day we decided to go somewhere off-campus, and he drove us. While driving, on an interstate mind you, he proceeds to show me his handgun that he kept in his truck - not in a menacing way, but in a “Ain’t that cool?” way."
"I was not immediately frightened, but I respect firearms enough to recognize we are going like 60-70mph on an interstate in daylight, and nothing good can happen in this scenario. I calmly asked him to put it away because I was not comfortable in this situation at all. He then tells me “Oh it’s not loaded” and presses the gun to his head before pulling the trigger."
"Thank f**k he was right, but still it was a wild and frightening display of reckless disregard for his own life and mine for that matter in the event that he’d accidentally killed himself while driving us. I didn’t hang out with him much after that, certainly didn’t get in a car with him."
– omjf23
"“It’s not loaded” famous last words of many an idiot."
– GloInTheDarkUnicorn
The Worst Kind Of People
"When my dad was in the nursing home, they weren't running certain expenses, like ambulance rides, through his insurance. When I took over his financials, he was tens of thousands in medical debt that shouldn't have ever been charged to him in the first place. He was in numerous collections, and his credit score was tanked."
"When I complained to the nursing home director, he said, "Well, it's not like he's going to be buying a house or a car!" Then he laughed."
"My dad was paralyzed from the waist down and needed lifelong care, so he was never going to leave the nursing home. Even though he was technically correct, I gave him the "WTF is wrong with you look." Then I complained to HIS boss and he got canned a couple a weeks later. My dad's insurance was fixed pretty quick, too."
– MNWNM
"“Sorry, what was funny about that? Could you please explain.”"
– v3n0mat3
...Seriously?
"MIL told my wife she should divorce me bc I googled whether a lasagna should be covered with foil while cooking."
– Struggle-Silent
"This is my first laugh of the thread lmao wtf."
– koreantrvp
"It actually ruined this entire trip. It was at my BIL’s wedding, which was only close family (siblings + parents) and they had the caterer make a lasagna for an evening dinner."
"Father of the bride was gonna pop it in the oven and asked if it should be covered. I googled lasagna cooking instructions and said yes it should be covered and cooked at this temp. MIL said absolutely not!"
"Me and the father of the bride kinda gave each other a look and he covered it. MIL was furious and texted my wife that I was an a hole and she should divorce me before we had kids."
– Struggle-Silent
Hostile Work Environment
"Boss at old job told the team we needed to ‘get used to a healthy level of conflict, fear and anxiety in the workplace.’ I dipped so fast after that."
– Prestigious-Energy69
"Similarly, a boss told me that I owed him my loyalty because he was paying me."
– Kylearean
How To End A Relationship
"A girl I was with while we were still together just looked at me while I was driving to her house and said.” You know I would get over you faster than you’d get over me” I was like …… Tf did you just say?"
– omega91301
"Huh. And just like that I'm over you."
– Pineapple_Spenstar
"Honestly, that would absolutely do it for me. When I was younger, I would be stupid and hurt and argue. I'm past 50 and I got no time for that nonsense."
– Terpsichorean_Wombat
There Are Other Ways To Stave Off Boredom
"I was DD for some buddies who wanted to go to a particular dance club in Baltimore. They're all hammered, it's too loud and we've been there for several hours. Casually an older woman next to me chats me up and notices my eyes are nearly crossing from boredom. I explained what I was doing there and casually (stupidly) mentioned I'm a bit bored. This psycho BITES ME on the chest! Afterward says "Well ya ain't bored now, are ya??""
– Mike7676
"Well, were you bored after that?"
– DontWannaSayMyName
"I must say, I was not!"
– Mike7676
That Goes Both Ways!
"I'm a man who works with kids, and when I started this job, I was talking to one of my old coworkers about how every once in a while I'll get weird looks for being a man working with kids and my coworker said I deserved it because some men can't be trusted with kids. I was shocked and she went on to say that I did it to myself and deserve to be questioned about it. I immediately stopped talking to her."
– Dolhedew
"What? What in the actual f**k? Doesn’t she know there are women who can’t be trusted with kids?"
– Anonymoosehead123
That Escalated Quickly
"The lady that accused my kids of cutting the line. (They hadn't, I was watching). When I went to ask her what was wrong, she told me to go back to my own country with that sh*t. (I was born in Massachusetts.)"
"The line was to pet dogs at a Renaissance Fair."
– pasafa
Everything All At Once
"While alone with a coworker, he told me that "women in the work place will lead to the decay of the fabric of society" to me. A woman. He also asked me out, got an attitude when I didn't say yes and continues to walk around with huge incel energy. He always complains that he has no one to go home to yet refuses to look at himself as a possible reason."
– Nopeferatu31
"Sounds like they should learn something from the phrase, "if you meet one a**hole, they're the a**hole. If everyone you meet is an a**hole, you're the a**hole.""
– tmpope123
Ouch!
"I told a coworker my wife had died."
"Her response: "You're one of those bald middle aged guys with a dead wife.""
"Me: "Yeah.""
– WalrusCello
"I want to think this was a wholesome thought that came out wrong. An awkward attempt at dark humor."
– ThisUsernameIsTook
*Cringing*
"Had an otherwise normal co-worker who was completely convinced windmills will cause the earth to stop spinning."
– Shadowmant
"WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!"
– Torvaun
These are all crazy 'WTF is wrong with you' stories, but that last one blew my mind in 'how is it possible people think that could be true' sort of way!