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People Who Were In Abusive Relationships Break Down The Moment They Thought, 'This Isn't Normal'

People Who Were In Abusive Relationships Break Down The Moment They Thought, 'This Isn't Normal'
File:MPOTY 2014 Family Advocacy Program illustration showing the ...

Abusive relationships are insidious. You might not realize you're in one. Not at first. Abusers are usually very charming and they find ways to lower your defenses and get you to trust them. Once things go south though, it can be difficult to leave. Abusers often tie their victims to them emotionally and financially. The threat of physical violence is real in many cases. Leaving an abusive relationship requires people to confront their unhealthy coping mechanisms and to stop living in denial... no easy task.

After Redditor Nuppa_Nuppa07 asked the online community, "People who got out of an abusive relationship, what was your biggest 'That's not normal'?" survivors weighed in with their recollections.

Warning: Some sensitive content ahead.

"Being able to go..."

Being able to go to a friend's house and not being yelled at when I came home.

YaBoboCA

"Not having a 'curfew'..."

Not having a "curfew" strategically to stop you from seeing your friends. "Wait, WHAT I don't even have to think twice about going out for dinner? Wild."

Wit-wat-4

"It was weird until I realized..."

When I was dating my husband, he never made fun of me or made jokes at my expense. It was weird until I realized it was normal for your partner to not degrade you and make you feel bad about yourself.

Once when we were visiting my home state, he told me I should go out with some friends since I won't be seeing them for awhile. I was honestly shocked. Like seriously? I'm allowed to go? You won't accuse me of cheating on you or trying to lose you? It was wild. I hadn't realized just how bad my past relationships really were.

This December my husband and I will be four years strong.

VitriolicWyverns

"Not having to explain..."

Not having to explain where you've been, why you took so long and no you aren't lying to conceal actually having been whoring around rather than at the grocery store.

Also being allowed to keep my own bank card and money.

Reecespie

"Took me a while..."

I was the one that came out of the abusive relationship. I remember at the beginning of the relationship with my current gf, something happened that bothered me but I kept it quiet. My gf noticed and asked me to express how I felt, to which I replied "It's ok. It doesn't matter how I feel." It was kind of an automatic response. I felt like I didn't want to make a "big deal" out of my feelings. That's when my gf said "That's not normal. Your feelings do matter." Which was... Shocking, honestly. Took me a while to get used to being able to express my feelings in a healthy environment.

ImInJeopardy

"She would read messages..."

She would read messages I'd sent to other people, both on my computer and on my phone. I often found myself having to explain a certain statement or opinion at a moments notice about any conversation I'd had recently. I had zero expectation of privacy the entire time and was often shamed any time I tried to take some back.

Nonsenseinabag

"God, where to begin."

God, where to begin.

I escaped a nine year long abusive relationship six years ago.

I'm now happily engaged yet still have to remind myself that completely innocent day to day occurrences are ok.

Such as:

Coughing or sneezing when in bed. This used to result in me being punched as punishment.

Being allowed to sleep in. If I tried to sleep in he'd pour water on me and then my side of the bed so I wouldn't be able to sleep.

Being able to accidentally drop something or spill a drink without being sworn at.

The emotional manipulation made me stay for so long. No one had any idea. I masked it so well.

Now I'm truly happy but get flashbacks daily.

Mrsjamesmay

"I had gotten out..."

I had gotten out of an abusive relationship.

New guy I was seeing was trying to have sex with me. I said no. He immediately stopped and instead got me a blanket and gave me water. We just continued watching TV together and I was wrapped up like a burrito.

I guess someone ignoring you when you say no is not normal.

Bitter_Syllabub

"The one that really stands out..."

There were so many things about my first marriage that should have been red flags, but I didn't recognize as "not normal" until I got out and got some perspective. The one that really stands out is that it's not normal to be pressured for sex so consistently that you just give in and have sex you don't want or enjoy in order to be able to be left alone about it for a day or so.

UnsolicitedSpiders

"Eventually I realized..."

After a while with my current boyfriend I kept being surprised at how long we'd been together. Eventually I realised it was because I'd been expecting to get that walking-on-eggshells feeling by the 6-month to 1-year mark and it hadn't happened.

You only notice the not-normal part after the fact, sometimes a long time after the fact, especially if it's your normal. I only picked up on the fact that I'd been abused by my ex several years later after watching a youtube video on the subject and realising I had all the symptoms; my friends thought I already knew.

Pseudonymico

"I only found this out..."

I only found this out after I left but being held against a wall by my neck apparently wasn't. I thought it was a normal way to make your kids listen to you when you punished them but I was very wrong.

witchybitch2006

"It seems obvious..."

Realizing that normal relationships actually made you feel good about yourself. It seems obvious but like, I spent so long feeling like crap that I thought that was how it was supposed to be. When I met my now-husband, he treated me with decency and respect and I thought "No way. This is a joke." I still have a hard time fully trusting it sometimes because I keep feeling like there's gotta be a catch. Trauma, y'all.

hdujtd

"We both were in college..."

Was in a five year relationship and after it ended I found out that alot of other couples will split bills and such. We both were in college struggling to make ends meet and I paid for every dinner and every date we went on. That was a real wake up call for me.

blastoise02

"I'll never forget the look..."

I'll never forget the look on my wife's face when on the third date I casually mentioned my ex stabbed me twice.

IPokePeople

"That's what trust is about..."

I had some questions about a conversation they had with someone else about me (needed all the facts of the scenario). They volenteered to let me read through their phone in case I didn't believe them.

That's what trust is about, you don't need to prove it to me after you gave me your word.

I think the weirdness was the insistance about trying to prove their truthfulness, like they were used to people not believing them or invading their privacy.

sneaky_sunfish

"My childhood comfort item..."

My childhood comfort item got broken during a time of great distress and he said, "You sound so annoying when you cry. I hate it so much."

CoffeeAndPizzaRolls

"He did not get angry..."

Biggest was that I had a breakdown when declining sex with my partner (who is wonderful) for the first time. He did not get angry, or sulky. He reacted with cuddles and "that's okay" type of responses. I was completely shocked. Had not been able to safely reject sex before, and my brain had simply stopped considering that as an option.

LittlePurrx

"When I wasn't allowed..."

When I wasn't allowed to be friends with men. Especially those who were single. He told me, "It's ok that you're friends with Tom because he is my friend and he has a girlfriend" But I couldn't be friends with Ryan who is in the same class as me at college.

He was extremely jealous and possessive. His first wife cheated on him and thus he projected all his crap onto me. Wasn't allowed to work for fear of chatting up with men, wasn't allowed to study (after finding out I did a project with a male classmate). I stayed home because I was scared and didn't know any better (I was with him for 9 years starting when I was 19).

jexabelle

"There were several..."

There were several but I think the biggest was when the abuse started to cross over into torture. If he was particularly mad at me, he wouldn't allow me to go to sleep at night. He would turn on all the lights, pull all the sheets and pillows off the bed. Scream at me, shake me, just so I couldn't sleep.

super_nice_shark

"There was always drama..."

There was always drama to prevent me from making other friends or spending time with them. He never outright said he didn't want me to have friends but it was obvious. I couldn't visit home without him either or see old friends there.

I started college and suddenly was getting rides from him?! It made no sense since we both had cars. He just wanted to make sure I didn't stay and made friends.

One of the final big red flags.

Even those of us that are naive things get a little too obvious.

SillyGayBoy

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Ewww: People Break Down The Worst Food Sins They Can Imagine

Reddit user Shozo459 asked: 'What’s the worst food sin you can imagine?'

People sharing pizza
Klara Kulikova/Unsplash

When it comes to culinary mashups, nothing is as delectably perfect as a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Chocolate and peanut butter in one bite? Heavenly.

Other food combos are not as popular but have a strong contingent of fans like pineapple on pizza or even peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

And then there are ones that are simply inexcusable.

Curious to hear examples of what foodies absolutely consider tastey bites, Redditor Shozo459 asked:

"What’s the worst food sin you can imagine?"

Trust the preparation.

That Is Soy Not Funny

"ketchup on sushi."

– BattleCatManic

I do believe you'd get your a** kicked for doing that."

– Mattress_Of_Needles

No Sauce Required

"Reminds me of this random sushi joint in osaka. Every pc had the wasabi inserted already. If the piece doesnt have a sauce (like eel), then its premarinated or salted. For normal fish, the chef brushes it with some kind of soy sauce blend."

"He reminded me that soy sauce would not be necessary almost every time he put a new piece on my plate. I asked what the soy sauce bottle is for then and he just shrugged."

"And we're talking about soy sauce not even ketchup."

– gabu87

Tough Meat

"Ok, not sushi, but. (I heard this from my kid....) My ex remarried to a southern woman who fancies herself to be a southern Belle. Instead, she's more of a Momma June. My ex cooked steaks for dinner one night. He will cook meat so it is BROWN straight through. Don't think about asking for it any way, but WELL DONE. In his world, any PINK in the beef means it's nearly raw.😳 So he cooked steaks for them. The wife starts eating and exclaims, 'This steak is soooo good it doesn't even need ketchup' My kid described the meat as being extremely tough and tasteless."

– stalagit68

That's just rude.

Expired Offer

"Eating my fries after I've asked you if you want me to buy you some."

– iggylevin

"So you've met my ex-wife? 'I'm fine' is a small fry and milkshake or frostee. And yes, she should use her words , but she won't, so you can choose to be right or to not have to sleep on the couch over fries and a milkshake."

– Jimmy_Twotone

Chili & Cinnamon

"Although it's not the worst sin imaginable, there's a weird regional dish where i live that involves pairing a bowl of chili with a cinnamon roll. Every potluck I've been to here has it. It's not for me but it's definitely unique."

– MayorOfVenice

Citrus Sin

"Orange juice flavored toothpaste and toothpaste flavored orange juice."

– shhjustwatch

"I gargle with orange juice after i brush my teeth. Power move. Show that plaque who's boss."

– MayorOfVenice

Who does that?

Gimme Some Skin

"Eating the skin off of someone else's fried chicken."

– Upbeat_Tension_8077

"I had a bucket of leftover KFC in the fridge, and my ex SIL came over to my house while I was at work and ate all of the skin off the chicken. I was f'kin pissed."

"Then, on New Years, a few years later, her aunt wanted to make mole and split the cost. I was like whatever and pitched in. I had things to do and got home after it was done. Those f'kin b*tcheses had ate the all of the skin off every piece of chicken."

"I'm so glad I'm not a part of that POS family anymore. If I am ever victimized by chicken skin theft ever again I am going to throw that skinless piece of chicken at them as hard as I can at point blank range and I'm going to aim for their mouth."

– anon

Condiment For All

"Squeezing ketchup on top of a communal plate of fries."

– OverlappingChatter

"I had a boyfriend who would take all of his fries and all of my fries at McDonald’s, put them on the tray and squirt ketchup on top. This infuriated me in part because then the fries got cold so much faster."

– loritree

Wasting food is a cardinal sin.

Grocery Stores At The End Of The Day

"Grocery stores/suppliers throwing out perfectly good food when we there are people starving."

"There is a 2009 doc called 'Dive' that talks about how much grocery stores waste. Edit: (I'm sure there are many others but this is the one that made me aware of the issue)"

– moosegoose2222

"My husband did the samples at Sam's club for awhile and when they did alcohol samples they were told to bust/break the glass bottles into the food that was leftover and to be disposed in the dumpster...so first throw the food in, then break the glass bottles on top when throwing in dumpster."

– Swivel_D

Kevin Sucks

"I worked at a major big box grocery/everything else store for a short time. The a**hole store director was the kind of guy who would make one of the grocery guys get put the floor zamboni on SATURDAY AFTERNOONS to clean up footprints down the aisles when it snowed outside. Of course, it pissed people off."

"The worst thing he'd do, however, was demand that the bakery and Deli have their cases overstocked to 'Grand Opening' standards every f'king day. Of course, only half sold, and the leftovers were not marked down (he hated doing anything like that for damaged boxes or cans because he said it attracted 'poor people'). Instead, it all went into the dumpster at the end of the night. It was usually a half dozen cakes, a dozen loaves of bread, and often 15 - 20 rotisserie chickens. No, employees were not allowed to take home any of it. Oh, and he was openly racist and tried to get a disabled employee fired because he didn't like disabled people working with the public."

"I rage quit that job one day, two weeks before Christmas. I found out shortly after I left that the store director was diagnosed with Parkinsons."

"Rot in hell, Kevin."

– WhitePineBurning

My gripe is more about dining protocol than actual food.

I'm pretty much allergic to alcohol and aside from having the occasional glass of wine, I don't drink often when I go out.

I don't think it's fair when I'm out with a small group of people who each order more than two cocktails and I'm forced to split the bill evenly as the lone non-drinker in the group.

I get it, it's a hassle figuring out the bill to accommodate for me, but I don't mind sorting it out as there are apps to make this easy.

I think it's classy when other members of the group point out that they should chip in more for the bill so I don't have to pay my full share.

But I also hate having to speak up and say, "Umm, can you guys pay for your own drinks since I didn't order any?"

I'm screwed either way since I sound like a loser when I do voice my request or I get passive aggressive afterward for not speaking up.

Anyone know a good solution on how to deal with this?

Why Being An Only Child Is The Worst

Little boy walking alone down the road
Photo by Victor Chaidez on Unsplash

Anyone who grew up with one or more siblings is bound to have stories of how their siblings occasionally (or frequently) got on their nerves.

Indeed, some people don't even have any sort of relationship with their siblings once they fly the nest.

Those who grew up only children, however, often have trouble accepting that people would cut their siblings out of their lives.

While being an only child can often mean getting your parent's complete love and attention, it also means that you will have to go through many of life's challenges alone, with no peer to turn to for support.

Not to mention, never having anyone to torment and boss around, as many children dream of doing to their younger siblings.

Redditor BroccoliniCarrot was curious to hear what only children thought was the biggest disadvantage of growing up with no siblings, leading them to ask:

"What’s the worst about being an only child?"

Lack Of Playmates

"When I was little, people would give me board games like Monopoly for gifts, and I wouldn't have anyone to play with."

"even Hungry Hungry Hippo sucked playing solo."

"I did master Solitaire though!"- Jesikabelcher

Last One Standing

"When my parents die that’s it."

"I’m just alone."- undertheraindrops

"Family is the most likely group of people to help you when things get tough."

"When your parents pass you have less support."

"Also, aging parents become solely your responsibility."- rubixd

"Taking care of an elderly parent with no one to help."- 3Gilligans

No One To Turn To

"When you are the only one to support your aging parents."- Fantastic_Leg_3534

Forced Independence

"I think because I am an only child I have become used to spending time on my own."

"As a result I am quite antisocial.'

"I don’t mind being around people and can be quite talkative however it exhausts me and I need far too much time on my own to recover."- OstneyPiz

"You become TOO comfortable with being alone all the time, to the point where being alone is the default and interacting with others feels like a chore."

"And that doesn't play out too well in the real world."- DeathSpiral321·

Going Through It Alone

"No one to have a sanity check with."

"My wife and closest friend have siblings and they talk about a close bond with their respective siblings where they could look at the other and effectively say 'mom/dad are crazy, right?'"

"Being an only, I thought some of the sh*t they pulled growing up was normal."

"Having a sibling would have helped counter the gas lighting from parents."- RennSport5280

Making Your Own Conversation Partners...

"As an adult, I sometimes find it difficult to quiet the self-talk because all too often growing up it was all I had."-GreenDolphin86

More For Me?

"I am absolutely not good at sharing."

"Plus and minus was that I got all of my parents' attention, so I had a lot of love and support but also a lot of expectations and not a lot of space to f*ck up."

"Nowhere to hide, no one to blame anything on, and no backup when they were being unreasonable."

"But I also didn't have to split time, affections, or personal belongings with some other gremlin sharing my DNA."=Justheretolurkyall

No One To Keep You In Line...

"No reality check."

"Nobody to confirm that, no, it's not you that's acting nuts."

"Later, nobody to bounce ideas and behaviors off of, nobody to tell you, 'hey, X thinks you're cute' or 'that's not how you ask a girl out, doofus, say this'."

"I should mention that for various reasons, if I had had siblings they would have been older."

"So when I imagine not being an only child, I tend to imagine being a younger brother."

"But I think the reality-check thing would still operate even as an oldest sibling; plus I might have learned to handle responsibility earlier."- ElderPoet

There Is, Indeed, Safety In Numbers

"I am the only son of a single mother."

"I hate this term, but it's called emotional incest."

"Basically my Mom was very young when she had me and there were no men in her / my life."

"As a result, she placed all of that emotional needs of a grown woman on to me."

"My Mom never really raised me as a son."

"At best, she raised me like a little brother she got stuck with after our parents died."

"At worst, she treated me like I was a toxic boyfriend."- ANerdCalledMike

No Scapegoats

"All eyes are on you- can’t get away with anything!"

"Most strict parents ever ( they were older too)."

"Unlike my husband's family growing up with 6 kids."

"Parents hardly knew where the teenagers were or who they were with."- Available_Honey_2951

"When asked by a parent what happened you cannot blame your sibling."- nanodecay

The Eye Of TheBeholder

"People assuming that I was spoiled."- Purlz1st

Having no siblings means never being bullied, teased or tormented, or having to vie for your parent's attention.

Something many people who grew up with older or younger siblings openly say they dream of.

When the going gets tough, however, and these same people realize they always had their brothers or sisters to turn to, they might bite their words and regret ever even thinking of being an only child.


only children

People Who Had A Threesome With Their Significant Other Break Down The Aftermath

People Who Had A Threesome With Their Significant Other Break Down The Aftermath
Photo by Simon Hurry

Many couples like to spice things up in their relationships to keep things fresh.

When it comes to bedroom spices, couples tend to add ingredients, like another person to the mix.

But everyone really needs to be on the same page with who they're mixing with.

Or drama can ensue.

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threesomes

People Explain Which Things They Thought Were Fancy As A Kid That Totally Weren't

champagne in two flutes

Anthony DELANOIX on Unsplash

Have you ever gone back to your elementary school as an adult and been amazed that everything looked smaller than you remembered?

It's a great example of how our perception of the world around us is shaped by our own experiences and where we are in life.

As a child everything seems big because we're small.

Our childhood perceptions of other things were also skewed. Things that seemed grand luxuries became ordinary or mundane as we aged.

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childhood