People Who Have Hooked Up With Their Friends' Parents Reveal How It Went Down
Talk about awkward... people share their hookup stories but involving sex with friends' parents. Just... no. Ok maybe.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
I know a girl who cheated on her BF of 5 years with his dad.
She and the dad are married now.
No offense, but... Florida.
I got an IRL story like this. Dude I'm distantly related to was expecting a baby with his wife. Pretty normal.
He and wife start fighting. Wife tells him it's not his baby. It's... dun, dun, duh... his dad's. Dude doesn't really believe it, confronts dad, dad cops to it. This causes issues with dudes parents and they separate. Dudes separated from his wife. So... the wife and dad move in together.
Long story short, dude suddenly doesn't have a wife or family or child, goes on big alcohol/drug binge (we're pretty redneck down here). Lots of intoxicated driving. Dude gets in an accident and is killed.
Mom and dad reconcile while grieving, now Mom and Dad and Wife and a new baby all live together.
Welcome to Central Florida.
Women can be creeps too ya know.
Had sex with my mom's friends, pretty traumatic experience in all honesty.
She had always been the "cool mom" out of my moms friend group, hooked me up with my first job at a catering company she worked for, snuck me and my friends alcohol from time to time, etc. it was also pretty apparent her marriage was on the rocks for some time.
One night we were both working a catering event together that had an open bar, and she had quite a bit to drink and began flirting a little. She would ask me questions about if I had ever been with an older woman.
Fast forward to the end of the night she was my ride home and was too drunk to drive so I drove her car home to my dad's place, as soon as I parked the car she forced my hands on her breasts and started fondling.
I eventually caved in and proceeded to receive the most painful blow job of my life that left actual marks and awkward van sex.
Not quite the wild pool boy story, but I was hoping to shed some light on how ugly these scenarios can wind up.
He was the breathalyzer.
So he wasn't really a friend per se...
I used to buy weed from him in my mid-20s and he was about 20 and lived with his mom.
She was late 40s... Went by once and he was just leaving, his mom asked if I wanted to drive her to the bar. Turns out she had had a few and currently had a breathalyzer in her car... I knew I was getting laid whether I wanted it or not.
Anyway, fun night. Never went by there again.
There's an age of consent for a reason...
My friend's mom in high school went through a nasty divorce and his dad quickly married his much younger girlfriend. She began flirting with me a few weeks later and eventually it led to us hooking up. Over the following months I learned nearly everything I know about sex from her. I found out later that year I was one of several friends she'd been hooking up with. I was devastated as my young mind thought I was in love. It sent me into a pretty serious depression and f_cked up my views of sex since.
Please let me out of the car.
I didn't know he was her dad, he was just someone I was sleeping with but one night when we were out driving, we drove past my old high school and he mentioned that his daughter went there. I made the connection with the surname and asked, he confirmed.
And he learned Spanish!
I was 23 and she was 44. Her son and I were friends and in college together. She was 5'2", thin, really cute and originally from the Dominican Republic. She had always kind of flirted with me, but I just thought that's all it was. I was wrong.
A bunch of us got together and went out to have dinner on NYE, and she went with us. We all had fun and went back to her house. Her son and his girlfriend went to bed and before I was able to get out the door, she asked me to sit beside her, by the fireplace. She leaned her head on my shoulder and looked up at me and asked: "Do you want to?". Couldn't say yes fast enough.
She and I dated for two and half years. As a bonus, I learned a good deal of Spanish from her.
Some serious NSFW revenge.
Her daughter dumped me for a guy she didn't like and I fell on hard times with my mom, so I would occasionally go over there to shower and eat something. She was in her 40's, very thin but had a very nice face and was always very nice to me. I was 18 and always very complimentary to her and thankful for her helping me out. She was helping me without her daughter's knowledge as well. One day a hug goodbye got really long. She wouldn't let go, but she wasn't doing anything else. Just hanging on very tight. Being 18 and because of our relationship, I developed an instant erection. I guess she felt it and nuzzled closer. I started kissing her neck. Pulled her dress up. I guess her husband didn't really pay attention to her. (Something I didn't notice or pay attention to while I was dating her daughter.) We went at it for a few hours as the house was empty. She must've been pent up. It was honestly surreal. It didn't set in for a few days. My ex and my friends were all intertwined. I couldn't tell anyone and never have. Happened a few more times until I had my life in order and it seemed like she was starting to regret cheating on her husband.
"Come see my artwork and chill."
I had sex with an ex-girlfriend's mom. She broke up with me and a couple of weeks later I ran into her mom in the grocery store. Her mom commented that she missed me being around and I said I missed her too, she was a pretty cool mom. She told me that her divorce got finalized, her sister was going to move in and some other small talk type stuff that we both shared as we walked around the store.
I helped her put her groceries in her car and she hugged me. She told me I should come over sometime and see her new paintings, she was an artist. I went over a week or so later and she served me some wine and basically seduced me and introduced me to role play at the same time. We saw each other for over a year and then she moved, I miss her sometimes.
Yeah dude that counts.
I had sex with my son's girlfriends mom. Does that count?
Revenge, blissful revenge.
Friend of mine slept with my sister and kept making a big deal about it (I honestly could've cared less), and his mom was always making offhand sexual comments when I was around her so I decided to go for it. She had him when she was 16, we were around 18-19, so she wasn't old and still looked pretty good. Came through one day knowing he wasn't there after flirting with her pretty hard for a few weeks and she almost immediately jumped my bones. We slept together for a while after and neither of us ever said a word about it. It was fun while it lasted and I didn't stay friends with the guy for other reasons.
And then some follow up...
My buddy does this about my sister he f_cked after I moved away to college. But I don't mention that I used to f_ck his now-wife right before they started dating.
This is some real game.
I was 18 and my GF and I went to the zoo with her mom and my GF ended up throwing some kind of temper tantrum. Since her mother drove it was an awkward car ride home. I wouldn't even talk to her, and I looked over and she was giving me a death stare and said: do you want to break up. I sat there for a second and her mom said she was going to drop her, my GF and drive me the rest of the way home. I said yeah, yeah I do.
She dropped her daughter off and drove me home. I joked that my plan to get to her via her daughter had worked. She laughed at that and said I'd be lost and have no idea what to do with her. I blushed so hard at that and she saw it.
It took me a few minutes to gather my thoughts and figured: I'm going to flirt. Her mom since the day I met her would always wear tighter shirts and hip-hugging jeans around me. She was a recently divorced woman who may have been lonely, who knows. So I made a flirty comment about her looking fitter every time I came over.
We get back to my house, my parents aren't there and she had joked about taking the day off to come and use my pool. So I used that and said, it's a great night for night swimming. I fully expected her to just laugh and tell me to get out. But she said ok and there I was with my now ex GFs mother in my pool, she's in her undies and we are making out. The following weekend my now ex went to her dad's for the weekend and I stayed the weekend with her mother and we messed around. It went on for a few weeks more but broke it off when her daughter started suspecting it.
I don't regret it and we both had a lot of fun.
What a classy account.
I went from a known screw up to "the guy with his s*** together," at least in my town. I graduated, joined the military, got out and started a business. After my business stabilized a few months ago, I went home and visited an old HS friend who's mooching off of his mom, just like his dad. Anyway, the friend invited me over for dinner but I showed up early and he ended up flaking. So mom, dad and I had dinner together. It got pretty tense because dad didn't like me too much. He thought I was home just to show off my new life (kind of was), and he didn't care to hear about it at all. But she wouldn't stop asking me about it, causing him to get super annoyed and leave. Our conversation carried on into the evening, and my friend finally stumbled in clearly drunk. His mom just looked embarrassed and disappointed. I took him up to his room and tucked him into bed. When I came downstairs she hugged me telling me how proud of me she was and that watching me turn out like this was heartwarming. She was the first person to say anything of the sort, since to my parents I'm still a screw-up. While hugging my lips touched her neck and she squeezed me closer. From there you can all figure out what happened next. I was still home for a few more days after that and since my parents didn't appreciate my presence, I stayed with them. Interestingly enough, staying with them made the dad warm up to me. As of now, no one else knows except my business partner and the lovely people of Reddit.
He listened to the right head.
No sex, because I stopped myself. I was 18 and it was my very hot aunt by marriage who was my uncle's wife and my mom's good friend. I visited her sometimes when the uncle wasn't around because she was the "cool aunt" who was always telling me, "hey, stop by anytime and use my place like a crash pad during the day. Bring your gf if I'm not around and do whatever you guys do. I'll give you a key. You know me, I'm cool." I found out just how cool she was.
I stopped by one day and she was drinking a bit and she made a little joke about me being a big boy and then pushed up HARD. I had very little self-control and dove at her. She laughed and we started to get into it but she pushed me back slightly and told me to slow down because we had time. That snapped me out of it enough to make me realize that if I did this, at some point, she was going to pissed off at my uncle and let it slip as a "F--- you" to him, and I was eventually going to have to deal with my uncle & cousin & mom. Not worth it. Noped out of there.
Would've been hot but could've wrecked a lot of stuff. Much better not to have.
...there are some unanswered questions here.
My buddy's mom had recently gotten divorced, I went to his house looking for him so we could go play baseball. He had already left but she invited me in anyway, it escalated quick. Other one was a woman I worked with, she asked if I wanted to go out for drinks one night, I had a fake ID so I went for it. Went back to her place and did the deed. Woke up the next morning to her making breakfast, went into the kitchen to see her and her two kids were sitting at the kitchen table. Recognized them instantly, I previously dated her daughter freshman year and I played football with her son. I had no idea how old she was when I went out with her and didn't know her kids were older.
Her username is totally misleading.
When I was nineteen, I ended up in a mental hospital for a suicide attempt and one of the ladies in one of my group therapy groups was the mom of this guy I had gone to high school with. She was separated from her husband at the time and she and I got along well.
After I got out of the hospital she and I would hang out and talk or go to the movies. One day, I apparently seduced her (not exactly on purpose) and we sorta started sleeping together a lot. She divorced her husband told her family she was a lesbian and said she felt like she always had been gay but didn't know it. She went full on LGBT empowerment! This was the early nineties in the Bible Belt and she was a just out 48-year-old. She starting dating different women and last I saw her, she seemed very happy
Well he tried, but you know how these things go.
I always had the hots for her. Nothing happened except some decent text messages and one other make out session for another year, and I moved away.
I'm 21 and living back in my hometown. She had three kids, all my age, and we hung out occasionally.
We got drunk one night and I promised my friend I wasn't gonna bang his mom. Well, she started cuddling up close to me and it was game over
Knowing how to comfort someone is a skill that not everybody has. In fact, some of us outright suck at it.
It doesn't make you a bad person - maybe you're awkward under pressure, or uncomfortable, or didn't have healthy models of empathy. Maybe you just panic and don't know what to do.
Thanks, Teach!<p>"So, have they found someone new yet?"</p><p>One of my parents died. My parents had been married twenty-five years. A teacher asked me this question five months after the funeral.</p><p>She later told my surviving parent that my depression was because I had to share a room sometimes with a sibling. Not because of my dead parent.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkpycyo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">wzzz11124</a></p>
A Music Career<p>At my boyfriend's funeral a girl he went to high school with came up to me and tried to comfort me by saying she knew "exactly" how I was feeling because she was in love with him too. </p><p>They never dated, they weren't even friends after graduating high school. </p><p>Now she's made a music career from writing sad love songs about him that make it sound like they were together.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkqc9vi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">h3llbaby-ri</a></p>
Happy Birthday!<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU0MTkwNi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1ODUyODIyMn0.KCvddvC-hOTRNU4I2h9XB4EiNJbqtIb6tUIVycrcrcs/img.gif?width=980" id="92b5a" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="64cf90889116269bc1889f71eb3e6b8d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="400" />Episode 4 Birthday GIF by FriendsGiphy<p>A few years ago, I caught pneumonia, and a stomach virus at the same time. Needless to say, I was really really sick. I was in the hospital for 9 days, and one of those days happened to be my 27th birthday. </p><p>One of my aunts that I don't really know was in town, and wanted to come visit. When she got there, she gave me a card for my birthday, which was nice, but when I read it, it said "since this looks like it'll be your last birthday, I'll say my goodbyes now LOL".</p><p>Now, I'm all for dark humor, but at that point I'd already lost 14 pounds from throwing up, I had a 104 degree fever for multiple days, I was delirious and hallucinating, and hadn't slept in days. I was in legitimate fear that I was actually going to die. </p><p>Told my mom after I was better that I didn't want to see that aunt ever again.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkq388v?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">floridas_lostboy</a></p>
The Original Owner Of The Book<p>People say and do some weird sh*t in attempts to comfort others. Myself included. </p><p>But the biggest stand out was when my mother was first diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer (she is doing great now). She received a second hand book called <em>Cooking and Coping with Cancer</em>. </p><p>The original owner of the book didn't need it anymore ... because he died of cancer. So his wife thought my mom would like it. </p><p>The intention was kind, but it was just a bit depressing.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkq1o5i?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">theWildBore</a></p>
Prosperity Gospel<p>When I had my first miscarriage, husband and I were attending a Word of Faith type church.</p><p>Their words of "encouragement" were that our baby had died because of some hidden/un-repent sin in my life + my faith wasn't strong enough, and I should just keep praying.</p><p>You would think that a church of all places would embrace you in your suffering and loss. These guys (& gals..) just kind of out-casted us like we would bring them bad luck. </p><p>It was a weird time, and after that I found it hard to hang out with any of them or believe most of what they were teaching.</p><p>We went on to have a healthy little girl and found a much less toxic church, but to this day if anyone mentions the prosperity gospel to me I have a lot of things to say.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkqn5h6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">kannakantplay</a></p>
No Dogs Go To Heaven<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU0MTkwMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MjgwMjM4Mn0.AuV3wZdpHdnZSjeGtJK2DWK_hr8pygOYakH_V79ykXE/img.gif?width=980" id="1965e" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="48868a6f58dfdb14fca6a48cd28e590a" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="245" data-height="138" />don bluth 80s GIFGiphy<p>My wife and I got a dog back before we were married. GREAT dog. Wonderful animal. Very much our first child.</p><p>Fast forward a few years and our sweet girl had to be put to sleep. I was at work and upset about it. I couldn't stop leaking a little just thinking about her. My very Catholic friend told me that, if it was any comfort, dogs don't have souls.</p><p>WTF?</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkqvpv5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">edgarpickle</a></p>
Panic And Dog Food<p>I was this person unfortunately. I don't react well with sudden bad news and often say the first thing that comes to my mind out of sheer panic.</p><p>I went to get my hair cut in college and as I sat down the small talk started. She asked how things have been blah blah blah. I asked how she had been (it was our first time meeting) and she says "my dog just died." </p><p>Immediately the alarms are going off in my head, a man is running around my brain blasting a whistle trying to figure out my next step.</p><p>"At least you'll save a ton of money on dog food now."</p><p>No... Please no! </p><p>Unfortunately it was already said, everyone stopped what they were doing immediately, you could hear a pin drop. She just continued cutting my hair for what was the quietest haircut I've ever got. I couldn't even apologize I felt so bad and so awkward. </p><p>I just shut my damn mouth and looked straight ahead while hoping I still had both my ears by the time I left.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkqa7go?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OriginsOfSymmetry</a></p>
"That's What Drug Addicts Do"<p>My cousin died of a drug overdose, my father called me to tell me the news. </p><p>After I got off the phone, visibly upset, I told my husband (now ex) what had happened. He said: <br>"Well what did you expect to happen? That's what drug addicts do, they die. And he did it to himself, there is no reason for you to shed a tear, get over it." </p><p>then went back to playing video games. </p><p>I didn't even know what to say to that, and just went to the other room to mourn by myself. It was an abusive situation and I am still in the process of getting divorced 2.5 years later.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkqvivj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Lil-one</a></p>
How NOT To Treat A Phobia<p>I used to have a phobia of scarecrows that began when I had a repeating nightmare where I would be chased by one in a dark cornfield. </p><p>A girlfriend I had in high school invited me along on a youth group trip. She didn't tell me much except we were going to a camp the next state over and would be doing things like going to an apple orchard. </p><p>The first full day, we all get on the bus, and she tells me that we were going to a corn maze. She hid this from me as she thought it would help with my phobia given she'd be with me and it was day time... I dumbly agreed and made it through the maze while white-knuckling her hand the whole time. </p><p>When we got out, I asked how much longer we'd be at the maze... that's when she told me about how it turns into a haunted corn maze at night... anyone want to take a guess at what the actors were dressed as...</p>
People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized They Were Being Manipulated By Someone They Trusted
Manipulation is designed to be stealthy. We hardly recognize it when it's happening to us because our abuser has forced it to appear under wraps.
But when we recognize it for what it really is, we really feel like we've been smacked across the face. There is no other descriptor for it. Usually we've trusted and loved those that manipulated us.
A Platitude Of Pleasing<p>You never know where the next blowout is coming from. Any time something needs to be addressed, you might try to bring it up once, gently, if you're feeling brave. If you meet the slightest bit of resistance, or you don't feel like that fight in the first place, you just go "okay dear" instead. You find that you'll put the argument off until next time, and hope that whatever you thought to bring up won't have any consequences, because you'll be hearing about those, too. It sucks, and I'm glad you can speak about it in the past tense.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TheGreatestAuk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TheGreatestAuk</a></p>
Wrong Or Right Or Just Not Agreeing?<p>When I started realizing that I was feeling like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I never knew which version of my friend I'd get when we saw each other, or when we hung out. I also just completely stopped disagreeing with them because I didn't want to hear them tell me how wrong I was if we didn't share the same viewpoint.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/WhatArcherWhat/" target="_blank">WhatArcherWhat</a></p>
Being Used<p>My best friend suddenly distanced herself from me. But every now and then she'd call and ask if I wanted to do something, and I was encouraged because I thought it meant that things were still good between us. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that she only called when she wanted to do something that required a ride, since she didn't have a car. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I don't use people that way so I didn't recognize user behavior. You can bet I do now.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Goldeverywhere/" target="_blank">Goldeverywhere</a></p>
Hiding The Receipts<p>I was living with my former best friend and his gf at the time. When I asked for grocery receipts (I trusted him & his ex to buy groceries bc I didn't have a car at the time + our work schedules were different so I couldn't go with them) and they wouldn't provide any. The only reason I became suspicious was bc they started asking for a ridiculous amount of money for my half and the actual amount of food wasn't adding up. Up until that point they never asked for a crazy amount and I was content with our groceries, but I noticed they became extremely greedy. When I then asked to see a banking statement, they wouldn't even provide me with that either.</p><p>At that point I just realized they were finessing me out of extra money and I started buying my own food. I just bit my tongue bc we only had like 2 months left on the lease. They tried to gaslight me and make me seem like the bad guy any chance they had (almost the entire time I lived with them actually). Eventually, I grew apart from him once I moved away and the only reason he hit me back up was bc she cheated on him so he probably didn't have anyone else to turn to (go figure). We don't talk anymore.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/0MG1MW3T/" target="_blank">0MG1MW3T</a></p>
Ah Yes, Good Old DARVO<p>My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. She's always encouraged me to tell her what's wrong, however, any time I would she'd immediately go "sorry I'm such a terrible mother, I give you everything you want and it's still not good enough! Why don't you just go live with someone you don't hate?" Keep in mind this happens over small things such as "mom, I'd appreciate it if you'd knock before coming into my room. You know how easily I startle and you barging into my room really upsets me"</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/paytonc0510/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">paytonc0510</a></p>
How Do You Do This To Someone<p>8 years into the relationship. As we're sitting down he explains to me that the "first couple years" we were together he only saw me as a place to crash and free rides, but he loved me NOW, and even though I accomplished all the goals HE set for ME so we could get married he said "I never really thought you could do it". Oh and also you got fat, but don't worry we can fix it! It was like a magic veil lifted and I finally saw who he really was. F**k you James.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DoNotUseOnHumans/" target="_blank">DoNotUseOnHumans</a></p>
Be My Friend And Not Theirs<p>She always managed to make me do things I didn't really want to do but the last straw was when she decided I had to stop being friends with two mates of mine over something stupid that offended her. </p><p>Cut her off over that and she then proceeded to act derisively ("you'll come back"), then badmouthed me and then begged me to take her back. Ten years later I am still friends with those two guys and she's still out of my life.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FatherTedHackett/" target="_blank">FatherTedHackett</a></p>
Victim Time<p>When literally every time me and my mom talked she played the victim.</p><p>I was trying to help her raise me, ask me about my grades and stuff. For her I just existed, she wasn't responsible at all.</p><p>I grew up watching her play the victim to others, and I was always on her side, cuz she's my mom you know. Also I never really understood what was going on.</p><p>I started getting older and older, and seeing sh*t after sh*t she did. I understood what she did to my father, to my step-dad, to my sister, to her friends.</p><p>Probably I'd be the next one who she would use and throw away.</p><p>I talked to her... and you know the result. The victim. Nothing it's her fault.</p><p>The last time we talked, I was expecting the victim card. When she started speaking, I already knew what was going to happen. I didn't even said a word, I just agreed with her, and the next day I moved out. I'm not wasting my time.</p><p>It was the last day before quarantine, I remember it as if it was yesterday. Friday night: saturday morning I was packing my stuff.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NotFromHeel/" target="_blank">NotFromHeel</a></p>
Sixteen Years Of Made Up Lies<p>After 16 years of marriage I realized my now ex was manipulating me. I would work and take care of the house and if I asked him to do something like get a job or clean up he would stage a mental breakdown and make me feel bad for asking him for help. </p><p>He would play up a horrible childhood or PTSD from the military to make me feel like I need to take care of him. Then would play on his computer all day and smoke while I worked. </p><p>Found out that a lot of his horrible childhood stories were made up and that he never made it through basic training in the military. I am happily with someone now but still catch myself cringing when he does things like cook or clean thinking that he is going to yell at me for being lazy. Meanwhile he loves me and is just doing things to take care of me. I'm working on deprogramming myself.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/HolyCelestialCow/" target="_blank">HolyCelestialCow</a></p>
Sometimes It's The Mother-In-Law<p>Took me until after the engagement to realize that my cheating ex fiancee was trying to browbeat me into submission.</p><p>Anywho, I quickly recognized emotional blackmail and manipulation from my MIL after getting married to a different girl years later due to that experience. I called her out on it.</p><p>She... Doesn't like that. But since my wife and sister-in-law and brother-in-law also recognize it they've got my back.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/engineertr1gg/" target="_blank">engineertr1gg</a></p>
Just as new mothers encounter the sudden, influential developments of powerful hormone changes, protective instincts, and milk production, so new fathers undergo some key changes of their own.
Their socks become exclusively white, climbing higher up the calf than ever before. All their shorts sprout cargo pockets and clunky belt loop cell phone holders. They start to really lean in to their old records.
Regional Laws<p>"Dad, driving past a cemetery: Did you know anyone living in a 3 mile radius of a cemetery isn't allowed to be buried there?"</p><p>"Me: No, I had no idea. How come?"</p><p>"Dad: Yeah, you're not allowed to bury the living"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1d2k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TinyLuckDragon</a></p>
For the Face Plant Image<p>"Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards off a boat?"</p><p>"Because if they fell frontwards they'd still be on the boat" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjv4mt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">hatsnatcher23</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Just told this one to my bf and he still has his face in his hands" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjka0w7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">sxeoompaloompa</a></p>
A Mammal of Few Words<p>"What did the father buffalo say when his child left for school?"</p><p>"Bison" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp257?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TatooineLight</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"LOL" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp9p0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BennuH</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Told this to my brother, he laughed his a** off." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4cvq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Type10Civilization</a></p>
Baggage<p>"When I do home improvements I always use my step ladder"</p><p>"I never knew my real ladder" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjlkab?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DavosLostFingers</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Whoever took the ladder, please return it or further steps will be taken." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjm2htz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WaldhornNate</a></p>
Woah Woah Woah, We're in Public<p>"Me: I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"</p><p>"Server: maybe the chicken strips for $6"</p><p>"Me: maybe it does, but that doesn't help my hunger" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjuq78?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mcnoobs_</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My husband was facepalming for solid 8 minutes after I read that joke to him." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjnee7m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Madanax</a></p>
Not Wrong<p>"Two dudes were on a boat with a few cigarettes, but they didn't have anything to light them, so they threw one of the cigarettes out of the boat, and the boat became a cigarette lighter." </p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjkeoz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OrangeMirrorJuice</a></p>
Watch the News Before Saying This One<p>"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?"</p><p>"It's okay, they eventually woke up."</p><p>"I cringe every time." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk0ej7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">unicorndreamz94</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My 10 year old tried this one a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I had just read news about a missing local girl. 'So I answered that yes I heard about the missing girl' Scared the sh** out of my 10 year old" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjo3ssv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aubear11885</a></p>
Got a Million of Em<p>"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh."</p><p>"I'm sorry but I'm about to say something tasteless. Water."</p><p>"I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off."</p><p>"Unfortunately though, I can't really tell these jokes since I'm not a dad. I'm a faux pa."</p><p> -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk9igl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WholeGrainMustard</a></p>
G-Pa With the Physics Humor<p>"Why does the movie "speed" have no director?"</p><p>"If it had direction, it'd be called velocity!"</p><p>"-my grandpa, earlier today" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4wdo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ConceptUpset4681</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"That's better than a regular dad joke. It's a grand dad joke." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkuc30?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">VaultBoy9</a></p>
A Surprising Amount of Elevator Humor<p>"I have a joke about elevators."</p><p>"It works on so many levels......." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1lrv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">M0ntgomatron</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Did you hear about the corruption at the elevator company?"</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"It went all the way to the top." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkyjrp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RandomName222222222</a></p>
Cleaning up is hard enough when it's just clearing a month of dust bunnies. Can you imagine cleaning the debris left by murder, suicide and violence? I have a really great friend who used to do crime scene clean-up for a living. The pay is incredible; it starts at $55 an hour. But there is a much higher cost in mental well being. Death affects you in ways you don't always feel immediately. My friend has stories of nightmares, depression and pain after leaving scenes of horror. Why make all that money just to spend it on therapy? It takes a certain type of person.
***TRIGGER WARNING. CONTENTS ARE SENSITIVE ***Redditor u/MemegodDave wanted to hear from the people who have the stomach to come in after crime and tragedy
to try to bring back some form of normalcy to the location by asking... People who make their living out of cleaning murder scenes, accidents and the like, what is the worst thing you have experienced in your career?