There's more to tending bar than just making drinks; you gotta monitor the room and make sure people are behaving themselves. This means watching out for people who look like they need to escape, or if someone is acting too aggressive toward another person. Unsurprisingly, dates can turn sour really quickly, and bar staff are often the only ones who can intervene.
PodoTheGreat asked forlorn lovers of Reddit: People who have ordered a bars "safeword" drink to get out of a bad situation, what was your date like and how did the staff help?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Why do men do this?
Had a creeper at a hotel bar who wouldn't leave me alone despite my best efforts to ignore him. I even asked him politely and not so politely to "leave me alone". He actually kept trying to touch me and told me that I was going to go to his room with him. He had a strange angry edge too. So I gave the bartender a "help me" look and said to him something like "I need to talk to you about that thing with my tab, remember?" and asked if could do it when the bar closed (which was like 5 minutes later). He looked at me and said, "Give me a minute", made a phone call and then said, "So, they can help you at the front desk"... meanwhile creeper is literally not leaving me alone is still trying to actually hang on me and keeps talking.
So I start to leave and creeper is trying to kiss me and pull me close but I tell him I have business at the front desk and walk to the front desk. About 3 employees were there and I said "The Bartender said you could help me with my tab?" And one of the employees says "oh, I need you to come here with me to fix that". And she says to the guy "You need to stay here, this is personal business". The employee (a woman) and I start to walk away and of course the creeper followed us. She actually walked me to a staff elevator and he tried to get on with us.
She told him "Get out of here and leave us alone" as a male hotel employee came up to him just then and the elevator door shut. The employee walked me literally to my room door and stayed until I had it locked on the other side.
I have had (and still occasionally do have) guys hit on me but never anything like this incident. I actually wrote a long long email to the hotel corporate office and the actual hotel about the bartender and two employees because they helped me in what I would say was "above and beyond"... the guy really frightened me. I have been as brand loyal as possible to the hotel chain ever since.
Had a bar call 911 once after they bounced a guy who was creeping out a woman. He stood outside the bar and flat out said he was waiting for her until she came out, which he did. He started following her and told people they were together. I literally had to stand with this moron while this poor girl and her friends got into the car, and dipsh*t tried to stand really close so he could get the address. I told the driver her address, but gave the address of the jail, which most taxis know, and he seemed to get the hint. Guy tried to complain later that we had "unlawfully detained" him just so he couldn't get the girls number and address.
I mean... Yeah, basically that's what we did. Move along.
Edit for clarification: I responded to the 911 call, I'm a police officer.
Sometimes it's fun to be the escape.
I've actually been used to escape by a random before. Was at a local bar with a bunch of friends and out of no where girl walks over, sits on my lap and between a teeth clenched smile just said "pretend to know me". I laughed and loudly said "Hey you! Where'd you wonder off to?" Thankfully my friends picked up on it because inside of 10 seconds a few of my female friends were chatting with her and standing between her and the guy she'd fled.
I asked her after what about me made her know I was a safe person to turn to and she said "because you're here with a bunch of women. Total honesty. Thought you were gay." Lol.
Edit: holy crap. Welp. There goes my Reddit silver AND Gold cherry. Ya'll are awesome.
Be careful, or else Angela might send you to Belize.
I had to use it when on a date off tinder. We met up and he had already got me a drink just sat there (shot of something clear) and then said to me that I should do it then he would take me some where better for more fun. I wasn't comfortable so excused my self to the bathroom and saw a poster that said about ask for Angela if you're uncomfortable. Went to the bar and asked for Angela and immidietly this guy was playing along saying oh yeah she's working in kitchen tonight he got me a taxi and walked me out the back door and into the taxi to make sure I got there without any hassle. Never saw the guy again.
Yeah that was my biggest worry, I didn't want to risk it. At the same time I sometimes wonder if he just was super forward but honestly I couldn't tell.
Better safe than sorry; you did the right thing.
Skilled bartenders are masters at reading body language.
Working as a bartender and bouncer for the past couple years, I usually just try to watch for body language of people that are in the bar. If it looks like someone needs a quick escape, I'll approach and pretend I'm an old friend that hasn't seen them in a while, if they actually don't need help, I can excuse myself by saying they look like a friend.
Either that, or I'll try to position myself behind the questionable party and give a thumbs-up and cocked eyebrow as a sort of "You good?".
Edit: Well, thank you to the people who commented on this comment, and thanks to whoever gave me gold! Really awesome of y'all.
Well, this is disturbing.
This is a relatively new thing, but us girls have been doing some form of it for a long time.
Back when I was a bartender, I noticed a girl stumble into the pool table. She was crying and clearly very intoxicated. I went over to ask if she was okay, and some guy I hadn't seen her with all night jumps up and says, "I'm her boyfriend, I've got her." No the f*ck you do not.
We got her to calm down and give us her phone to call her roommate so someone safe could take her home. It sucks that it's necessary, but I'll always love my boss from that bar because he threw that creep out, physically.
We saw her again. She didn't have a boyfriend or remember that night.
Oh, f*ck. That's horrifying.
This is how you do it.
I went out on my own one night and was having a few drinks at a local pub. I had just moved to the area so didn't really know anyone. A guy sat down next to me and was chatting. At first is was just casual but he eventually became really tipsy/handsy. Then the guy actually kissed me just out of the blue and I told him I was not ok with it. He said I was leading him on - which was not the case at all. He got angry and stormed off to the washroom. I was feeling really uncomfortable and unsafe. I didn't know my new neighborhood yet. The bartender saw that I was feeling off right away - he didn't even know me but could tell. He asked if I wanted to be shown out the back door and if they could put me in a cab home so that I could go without the guy following me. They even paid - and apologized that I felt unsafe in their bar. I was totally blown away. I would totally go back there and feel completely taken care of.
That's great—glad they got you out of there. What honest and kind folks to be so vigilant and gracious to you.
It's true! I even went back to that bar last week - both people working remembered my name and just said to shoot them a look if I need anything. So sweet.
Reminder that bouncers are there to keep us safe.
I'm a bouncer in a nightclub. No drink safewords but we actively keep an eye out for situations which don't look above the radar. If a girl's leaving with a guy and she looks too intoxicated to stand I'll take her aside and ask what his name is and how she knows him. If she's scared or needs help getting away from a bad situation I'll call her a cab and walk her too it. I'll also say to the bloke that I need to see some ID because 'his entry stamp isn't the right one' as soon as I see it I'll take a photo, pass it on to the police and ban him for life from out club.
We've built up a reputation as the safest nightclub in our area, which draws both crowds especially girls. It's massively helped our business being so focused on safety.
It's scary that this is even necessary.
My university town had the highest incidents of sexual assault for 5 years in a row, the school and community took it really seriously and implemented procedures all over the place.
I asked my friend, who was a bouncer at my favorite bar/club, what happens when a girl orders the drink. He said it changes week to week in the ladies bathroom to confuse men when word gets out. You can use any of the former ones and the bartenders will jump into action.
Generally they find a way to get you away from that person whether it be a "phone call" or they need to show you something. Once you're out of eye sight they whisk you away to the opposite floor of the place (bar is on the bottom, club is on the top) and keep the date occupied until your gone. If he gets away from his "company" they radio that the drink got spilled and every bouncer abandons their post to try and keep him away from you.
They escort you out the backdoor into a waiting cab. They pay the cabbie to take you home and make sure you're not followed. When you get home they ask that you flick your front porch lights on and off and call the club to let them know you're safe. They also save the security cameras from that day in case you have need of it at a later date.
I never used their service because my friends were the bouncers and usually intervened before I needed to say anything.
Having a gross drink as a safety word? Priceless.
Semi-related, but I was out at the pub on campus for a show, and had been there previously in the day celebrating our last exam with some friends. Some guy who was sitting at a table next to us and trying to chat us up earlier was still there with his buddies and was drunker and braver and of course he got me alone when my friend went to the bathroom.
He wouldn't stop talking to me and getting in my face and yelling about himself and when I excused myself to go to the bar (literally was like "ok bye.") He followed me to the bar and ordered the same thing as I did and offered to pay and I said I was good and he did not. stop. talking. And I must have looked mad as f*ck because the bartender walked over and went "hey you were here earlier right? Buddy give us a second I need to speak with her about her tab." The guy leaves and the bartender tells me I looked distressed and asked if everything was ok, I told him I was fine but this guy was in my personal space and not leaving. So he said if he doesn't stop that I should come back and order a whiskey lemon and security would be notified, and he would walk me back to my car if I needed it.
We ended up moving tables and I think he got too drunk to stand up and left not too long after that but I was so relieved to know the bartender was watching out. I'm not one for confrontation and it just feels so much safer to be able to duck out with someone having my back.
A Whiskey lemon sounds disgusting.
I think the idea is it's a drink that they know no one would ever actually want to order.
Break out the tazers.
I'm a bartender in a small town. Anytime a new woman comes into the bar I let her know that if she ever feels uncomfortable or needs anything to ask me to go out for a smoke with her. I've had plenty of people use it to get away from some just usual creeps. But NOTHING beats the night a guy asked this girl to go home with him. After she politely refused he grabbed her and called her a bitch. We already had our eye on this situation, my bouncer immediately came out of no where and tazed this drunk assh*le.
In case you're wondering, bar staff love saving people.
PSA to the ladies:
I'm a guy who's worked 20 years as a bartender, club manager, and security dude. We LIVE for taking out assh*les. If you ever are having an issue with a guy, date or not, please let anyone there know and I bet they would be thrilled to make the asshole go away (or put you safely in a car)
When I used to hear after the fact about incidents in the club where a patron was harassed I alway wish I would have known what was going down--- staff will usually gladly step in.
Former bouncer here. Totally agreed. Some of my funniest and best stories come from those days when I got to kick out the drunken moron.
Please tell someone. You've never seen an adult's eyes light up until you get to see a bouncer told to go play with the idiot.
A few rescue stories.
I had a creep corner me in a bar once and tried to stroke my thigh. I dude I've never met before came up and said "hey sis I've been looking all over for you!" And he put his arm around me and walked me out. Thank you so much stranger.
Edit: since I'm seeing a lot of comments about this. It was pretty obvious they were not working together. The nice guy walked over from a group of friends (all college aged) and the creep was in his fifties. And when I said he walked me out, he just walked me to the door of the bar.
I once got hugged by a random girl sitting at a bar who whispered in my ear (or actually talked normally; the music was loud) "pretend to be my boyfriend." I grabbed her on the thigh and yelled "honey I've been lookin' for you!" The guy who hit on her gave me the sorry, had no idea it was your girl-look and then she asked me to dance. She pulled me into the crowd and we danced for like 30 seconds and she gave a me a smile and she left. Never saw her again but I felt like a f*cking hero. Very small thing I did but I felt great.
I had a similar situation in college. A creepy guy followed me around a frat party all night. He was in a history class with me, and all night he kept trying to push himself against me or stroke my hair and neck. I was backed into a corner by a door, and I grabbed the arm of the next guy that came through and asked him to pretend he was my boyfriend to escape. He played along, and he kept the creeper away from me for the rest of the night. So much appreciation for guys who are willing to help out on these situations.
My fake boyfriend became by real boyfriend, and 8 years later we are now married.
Bars and clubs should have safe words or coded drinks.
Female bartender chiming in. In the decade I've been doing this, most bars I've worked in don't have a safe word or drink. I've worked in 3 major cities with large universities and bar districts and not one I've ever seen.
I consider keeping patrons safe a large part of my job, especially working at clubs or at music festivals. I'm watching anyone that gives me a weird vibe or people that are obviously on a newish date and most other bartenders that give a shit do the same. There's a "look" other women will give when they need help. Either cornered into a conversation they obviously want out of or trying to turn down free drinks from some guy that won't take no for an answer.
That's when I just go over and pretend I'm bussing or wiping the bar and make eye contact with her until she gets I've got an understanding of what's going on, then I just ask her how she's "doing" in a tone that also conveys I'm there to help if need be. If her answer is weird or she keeps eye contact too long with me, or in a "please don't leave" kinda way, I immediately get security and try and get her an Uber if she's tipsy, or find her friends. I do everything I can to make sure they get home. I unfortunately can tell so many stories of drugged/drunk girls completely out and having to literally keep men away from them because they all swear they'll get her home safely or that they know her or her friends.
So ladies, you can always tell your bartender literally anything is going on. We consider the workplace kind of ours and don't want any bad shit happening to anyone that comes in. Just tell us and we'll help you.
Edit: y'all, my username's a joke.
Also, as u/dirtybitsxxx pointed out we do really live for throwing assh*les the f*ck out. If they really deserve it, it makes security's night.
Not all heroes wear capes.
Ehhh this is a "close but not quite" situation but it may get attention due to the lack of legit responses.
A guy I was with was with was SUPER adamant about me keeping up with him slamming drinks. He would drag me to the bar and order for me, then egg me on to drink faster, etc. I did NOT want to be drunk with him.
He ordered me a vodka soda and I maintained that slightly pained look on my face, hoping to catch the bartenders attention. When he looked my way, I widened my eyes just a little and subtly shook my head "no".
I watched him as he poured me drink by faking the vodka pour and just filling me with what I presume was soda water (not normally my drink of choice so I wasn't sure what it was - kinda looked like stale Sprite) and he garnished it with a lime and everything. Said "cheers" when he handed us our drinks.
This continued for a while until Drunky McSmashypants wanted to leave. Bartender said to me "oh you had asked about seeing Megan, right?! Yeah she's in the back, go ahead while he closes out"
I sort of hovered by the restrooms which were tucked away, watched the bartender BS with the dude for a while, and he eventually left lookin all annoyed. When the coast was clear, I came out, said my thank yous, and he said "anytime, happens more than we care to admit" so I thought it was pretty cool that the bartenders were aware enough to pick up on the little signs and help a sister out. I guess during their conversation he basically convinced the dude that I didn't seem into it and he thought he saw me leave already. Drunk dude was druuuuuunk so I guess he bought it without further intervention necessary.
Most couples are inseparable and enjoy doing everything together, thanks in part to shared mutual interests.
But on occasion, some people in relationships go off in pursuit of one-sided pleasures in secret for various reasons.
These can range from going out to a vegan restaurant when the other person is a carnivore to seeing a Netflix show that is too violent for a squeamish significant other.
Because not every significant other may not share the same passion, Redditors TheTinRam asked:
"What’s a guilty pleasure you hide from your significant other?"
These Redditors needed some "me time."
"Everytime I go on a late night grocery run (once or twice a month) because I work nights, and my wife forgot to grab whatever, I add a $0.70 Mexican soda to the cart. It is just for me. It is something my dad used to get me on especially long days when I was a kid 'helping' him on jobsites. It is my tiny reminder of him."
Story For No One
"I write stories for years now, some of the times she thinks I'm working on the computer but I'm actually writing a story. There is nothing to hide but I just keep it to myself, none of my family members know I write stories. Till today I have written 56 stories (most of them are short)."
In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning
"Staying up late for peace and quiet."
Chatting For One
"I talk to myself all the time, I was actually wondering last night if it was a really weird thing to do lol"
Naked And Sacred
"I will cruise the house butt naked and just do whatever the hell I want. About once a month. I won’t be able to this summer because the kids will be back in school, but come August, I’ll be naked and free again!"
Some people need to get out of the house.
"Sometimes I take the long way home and talk to myself in the car about my 'problems' - like Self Therapy. I put one earbud in so ppl think I could be on the phone."
"I get quite animated. It helps to get a stressful day out of my system before I get home and switch gears."
"My husband has gluten sensitivity. If he eats regular pizza, his stomach hurts for a couple of days after."
"Well, I don't, so sometimes I say I'm going for a run, and I do run.... to the pizza store, eat a slice, and run back."
Catching Up With The Boys
"Covid has messed it up for a bit now. But every 3 or so months the boys and I all get up like we are going to work at our respective jobs but instead all call in sick and meet for breakfast, then go back to our one buddies place for the day to hangout. Around 4 or 5 one by one we all head home for our normal arrival time."
"It's literally the only way for us all to get together reliably. Most of us have known each other for the better part of 30 years now, going way back to junior kindergarten for some."
"Twice I have let her know my plan for the day and twice I have gotten phone calls to come home early for what ever not some emergency. So now we do it secretly."
Some of the things people do behind their SO's backs is for endearing reasons.
"I don’t know if this is a guilty pleasure necessarily but I pretend to be asleep when he comes home from work because he always kisses me on the forehead."
"I love when she snores."
"She complains (only lightly) about my snoring all the time, and I always feel awful that I make it tricky for her to get a good night's sleep. When she's snoring, I know she's actually going to rest well, and it makes me happy."
Scent Of A Man
"Smelling his clothes. Not creepily, like his boxers. But when he lets me borrow a shirt or a sweater I’ll put it on and just revel in the smell of him on his clothes. If I recall correctly, it definitely wasn’t like this when we first started dating. It’s been over two years now and I only remember doing this around the 7 month mark. He smells really, really good."
The Forever Admirer
"I have a whole album of 'unflattering' pictures of her. Not really something I hide, but they make me happy. She’s so silly yet so beautiful."
They say that a couple that plays together, stays together.
That's all well and good. However, a significant other having some alone time should never be stigmatized.
My husband and I usually watch every TV show together, but I watch Netflix's Ozark by myself because I enjoy intense dramas, immensely.
It's not a secret. And he's glad I watch the shows that I want to watch on my own time–just like I encourage him to watch all those UFO documentaries that he's obsessed with, by himself.
No really, watch them without me.
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"Do you know who I am?"
A question which often comes from an exasperated individual, who believes they are entitled to VIP treatment everywhere they go.
Occasionally, these people are indeed household names whom most everyone would likely recognize.
More often than not, however, people might need some reminding as to how or why said individual should be recognized.
Each and every time, though, the arrogant question is never justified, and is often greeted with an appropriate response.
Redditor brotherbrother99 was eager to know the best clap backs to this notorious question, leading them to ask:
"What is the best response to "'Do you know who I am?'"
That's starting to get old.
"I bet you use that line a lot."- michaelochurch.
Right back atcha!
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
"I AM!"- itskavia.
Need a reminder?
"Did you forget?"- Virtue-Killer-2.Who Am I GIFGiphy
You tell me.
"No, who do you think you are?"- Random_puns.
I'll have to ask someone else.
“'Hey Brian, I’ve got a guy here who doesn’t know who he is!'"
"'Do you know who he might be?'”- llovejoy1234.customer service call center GIFGiphy
I'll take a guess
"Ronnie Pickering."- Shadow_0852.
I'm getting a sense...
"I know who you think you are."- automoth.
I'll help you figure it out.
"My husband was working in construction."
"A guy came onto the job site giving the workers a hard time about something or other."
"When he started yelling at my husband for whatever, my husband basically ignored him."
"The guy goes, 'do you know who I am?'”
"My husband yelled across the site to his foreman, 'Joe! Call an ambulance, this guy doesn’t know who he is!'”- Littlepaintbrush0814.
"Yes, and I've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."- ShadyMyLady.
Rightfully put in their place.
"There is the old joke about the British Prime Minister eating out during the war time and asking for extra butter with his bread, the waiter refused to which the PM, rather annoyed, asked "'do you know who I am?'"
"To which the waiter replied, 'yes, I do, but rather importantly you have forgot who I am, I am the man who responsible for the rations of the butter'."- ScholarImpossible121Giphy
Of course, when people do dare to ask "do you know who I am", they never realize that the people they ask this immediately discover the answer.
Which is someone absolutely no one wants to be around.
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Moviegoers go to the cinema to be transported and forget–even for about two hours–about either the mundanity of their everyday lives or the stress of problematic situations.
But if there's one thing cinephiles roll their eyes at while watching a movie, it's the predictable plot twist or a typical scenario often depicted in films that lack imagination.
Curious to hear examples, Redditor cnukles1 asked:
"What's a movie trope you are sick and tired of?"
Hollywood tends to glorify and dramatize violence almost comically.
"When someone is stabbed/shot, limps around in pain for 30 seconds, then continues on as if nothing happened."
"On the flipside, it drives me nuts when bad guys get shot in the torso and drop dead immediately. They'd realistically have at least a few seconds if not minutes of consciousness."
"People being knocked out for hours and no brain damage."
That doesn't happen in real life.
"The broke 'Single Mom' who looks like she could model for Victoria's Secret. On the flip side, male gangsters, drug dealers or prisoners who look like they could win a state bodybuilding championship."
"Or same broke single mom with an awesome house and perfect clothes/hair. Can't they ever just dress like normal people and living in normal homes?"
"Bombs with helpful color-coded wires."
"There's a pregnant woman and she goes into labor right at the worst possible time. For drama of course."
When actions depicted on the screen are not plausible.
The Struggle Is Real
"Just once I'd like to see somebody struggle to find parking in Los Angeles."
The Structure Of Romance
"You're a jerk and I have no interest in you despite the fact that you are incredibly handsome, charming, and funny. We have to work together to save the world but make no mistake about it, I can't stand you. Let's just get this over with so I never have to see you again."
"Whoops, we f'ked. I guess we're in love now."
"Every disaster movie, the love interest always works at a hospital."
Let's Communicate Better
"When a simple conversation could have entirely solved the central conflict of the movie."
If everything happened on screen the way it does in real life, would it diminish your moviegoing experience?
Some people just like watching characters make believable choices. But if that's the case, you may as well go outside and film your own movie.
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Life's viewpoints can be so different when you're younger, when you have your whole life ahead of you, when you think you're fighting back against some tyrannical power bent on keeping your rebel heart in check. It's then, in those rage-filled glory years, you might think, "I'll never become like them. I'm going to keep sticking it to the man."
But years pass, and before you know it, you are "the man."
"What is your "You have become the very thing you swore to destroy" moment?"
You know who you are right now?
Doesn't matter if you responded, "No I'm not!" to that statement. You are your mother. You are your father. And there's nothing you can do about it. Cue evil laughter.
Rhetorical Questions Abound
"I told my friend's kids they could have a toy if they didn't fight over it, and if they fought I would take it back, they agreed, then proceeded immediately fight over it when I turned around. Without any conscious input from my brain I span back and heard myself exclaim "What did I just say?!""
"And suddenly I was my mother."
Coming Round Full Circle
"I teach at my old high school lol literally have coworkers that have sent me to the principal’s office before"
It's Going To Rot Your Brain!
"Complaining to my son about him playing to much video games."
Nothing Better Than Plans Getting Cancelled
"Growing up, my dad hated going out. When we went on church outings, we were always the first family to leave. He just wanted to stay in and read the paper or watch tv. I vowed to never be as boring as him when I got older."
"Now that I'm older, nothing makes me happier than when plans get cancelled and I can just chill at home, and not worry about the commute or how much money I'd have to spend going out. Even if it's something I'm looking forward to like a band I really wanna see, part of me still wants to not go because of how crappy the late night commute will be."
Where Do You Even Sit?
"My couch has no less than 8 decorative pillows on it. I am a monster."
"This is the worst one"
You don't think the job changes you. "I'm never going to sell out to the man," you tell yourself as you wake up at 4am to make your commute to the office.
Little do you know...
It's In The Fine-Print Within The Fine-Print
"I make commercials for a living. I f-cking hate commercials to the core of my soul."
"Ugh dude same."
"I got hired as an animator at an agency not too long ago, so I figured I'd be doing lots of fun and flashy animations. I don't mind making commercials so long as they've got interesting visuals, which is something I greatly enjoy doing."
"I've been making glorified powerpoints about Medicare ever since I got hired. I've frequently received feedback to literally "make it less fun". A project I made 2 years ago, a fun and flashy internal use video, is getting a new iteration that I'll be doing soon. The old version made setting up web pages and product descriptions look interesting."
"They said they didn't like it and to "have less fun" with it, so I plan on being spiteful and making it f-cking awful to sit through. The problem with that is that I know that's exactly what they want."
"I'm reminded of the Pixies from Fairly Odd Parents, and how Timmy and the gang are the exciting antithesis of the drab corporate culture the pixies represent. I didn't think I'd become one. Lord help me."
Karmic Payback Is Amplified In The Classroom
"I was in a computer class in high school and would drive the teachers nuts. I even had the other kids mocking the teachers by shouting out "on task!" whenever the teacher would start looking around to make sure we were working."
"I now teach a high school computer class. A student the other day stopped me before I could tell them to put their phone away and go back to work by saying "I know, I know, on task, on task".
"I was speechless and just left the student to return to my desk and rethink my life choices."
Stopping People From Having Fun
"When I setup the website blocker on the company network. I spent so much of my childhood trying to get around those blockers at school, and now I'm the one setting it up."
"Edit: Admittedly, I'm not so evil as to block things for being categorized as "tasteless" like my school did, it's really just porn and illegal things, but I still feel slimy for doing it."
"Edit 2: Also, so be clear, I don't work at a school. My company does however employ a lot of Salesmen, and they're basically children, so..."
Leaving The Grunt Work To Someone Else
"When I was an apprentice electrician it always pissed me off when my journeyman would make me do the hard manual parts of a job while he did the easier, but more technical work. I always swore that when I got my license and my first apprentice that I’d be different."
"That went out the window pretty quick."
We're products of those who raise us. We take in what they do, what they say, and how they act to become the people the outside world gets to interact with.
It's critical we recognize this, for better or worse.
Seeing, Growing, Learning
"Sh-t, a looooong time ago (when I was 11 or so) I was walking across the school yard. My dad used to beat my butt when he was having a bad day and it really f-cked with me, so I was walking and just fuming, hating on him and how much of a tyrant he was for taking out his anger on me."
"Well, in that moment I bumped into a kid like 1/2 my size and he went to the ground. He hugged my legs (I think reflexively) and I just started pounding his face. I remember him crying, begging me to stop, the hatred, and then just a sudden moment of clarity. I realized I was a sh-tty person, that I was super mean, and that the kid I was hitting had done nothing wrong but was just a helpless target for my anger. I instantly flipped to empathizing for him, and saw myself for who I was. I can't describe the horror."
"I started crying and helping the boy up, we walked to the office together in tears and I ended up telling my principal everything. It was a long time ago, so they just decided to give me an in school suspension and not inform my parents."
"Also, that kid and I ended up exchanging SNES games and playing mtg/warhammer together a bunch in the following years. Andrew, dude, I can't apologize enough, and thank you so much for not leaving me in a hell of my own creation. Decades later and I still think about you, and how kind of a person you were, you changed a life, man."
"EDIT: Okay, just to clear up misconceptions and mass respond. This did not flip a switch and end my relationship with violence and anger. That took, well, up until today and then some. I still have anger that flares up and completely blinds me, but after decades, I'm not losing control or lashing out. Andrew wasn't one of the kids that I went after at school, I picked on kids that I thought were bullies, totally oblivious to the commonalities between me and them."
"I don't really have words for those of you that were bullied, or hurt while at school. Except that those of you that fantasize about beating up bullies now, as adults, need to find a better method for feeling empowered. You are literally just adult versions of playground bullies, we all had the kids that we thought were okay to victimize for some justification or another."
We all have to grow up sometime.
Maybe don't worry so much about picking up that ice cream on the way home.
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