People Who Don't Plan To Have Kids Share Their Reasoning
I'd rather dogs thank you.
Yes children are beautiful gifts and being able to be parents is a miracle.
So many people long for the chance to build a family of their own with screaming children.
Whether a family is built through blood or adoption, it doesn't matter, it's a dream fulfilled.
But that doesn't mean it has to be for everybody.
We all don't have to be parents and many people really shouldn't, so let's support the people who choose themselves just as much as we support families.
Redditoronlinebeingwanted the childless to say their piece by asking...
Redditors that plan to probably not have kids, what are your reasons?
"I was a teacher."
"I teach high school, and I have noticed that percentage of married teachers without kids is much higher than the average population. I think spending six to seven hours a day with kids really drives home how difficult having kids is, and that it is not a decision to make lightly."
"I'm horrible at handling stress and sleep deprivation, and I probably have a genetic disorder that I absolutely don't want to pass on."
"Diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I've seen r/raisedbynarcissists and I am not putting any kid through that."
So Many Reasons.
"Couldn't afford raising kids. Didn't have good upbringing so wouldn't know how to raise one. And the fear of pregnancy messing up my body. "
"At some point I might've been on the fence about having kids, but there was a thread on AskReddit that went along the lines of, 'What's the worst part of pregnancy that nobody talks about?'"
"That's how I, an adult woman who's taken multiple iterations of sex ed, first heard about shit like massive tears, about being intentionally cut open from your anus to vagina to give the kid more room to escape, and never being able to hold your pee ever again. No thanks dude."
Not for Me.Giphy
"I don't feel like sacrificing my life for them. I salute all of you, people, who do this. But tell me honestly, wouldn't the world be a better place, if people only made kids when they want to have kids instead of just doing what is expected of them? "
"My wife and I like our freedom and money."
"My husband and I have use-it-or-lose-it time off to burn before the end of the year, and we were talking about what to do with it. Neither of us really felt like taking a staycation, because we knew we'd just end up working. So after talking about if for like ten minutes, we went to Costco's website and booked a trip to Hawaii. We leave right after Thanksgiving."
Never felt like it.
"I've never had that 'I really want kids feeling.' Ever. I'm in my thirties, if it were going to come it would have been here by now, and there's no way I could blithely create a whole new human hoping it turned out hunky dory without actually wanting them."
"I mean of course it makes life in the performing arts more feasible without kids, I don't have to worry about my already-fragile body taking serious damage, I can sleep, I can save money, etc etc but if I wanted kids, those "reasons" wouldn't matter."
"The only reason that matters is that I just don't want kids. The same way I don't want a parrot — they're amazing for other people, but I don't want one in my house."
"Edit: I was briefly pregnant when I was 27. It's not "different when it's your own." I got sterilized at 29 and I am still consciously grateful at least once a week that I can live my life on my terms without being paranoid about another accident."
"I know how crappy this sounds but if my child came out autistic or with some severe mental issues, I just couldn't do it and it's not fair to them, my wife, or any of their siblings that would be guilted into taking care of them when I die."
"I was married in my 20s and it came to light fairly quickly that her gene pool was going to make any children we had a coin flip. Knowing what struggles she was facing, we decided early on that we couldn't do that to a child and just live with it if they turned out having the same or similar issues."
"I got used to the idea of never having kids pretty easily and embraced it soon after that. When my wife passed away, I actively looked for partners without children and found a girl with similar preferences. 10 years later, we are very happy with our decisions."
Witnessing the Truth.
"I was open to it until my brother and sister-in-law had kids. Nope. Not a chance. They have no time to themselves, they're always tired, they've aged terribly, they don't get to do things that they want any more. They love it and my niece and nephew are lovely, but that's as close to that lifestyle as I'm willing to get."
"With my current mindset, I'd be an awful mom. Resenting my kids for my lost freedom. But who knows, I might grow out of it."
"Every once in awhile I check in with myself and try to imagine the most amount of time per day that I would be willing to commit to parenting for 18+ years (but obviously more so in the first 5-10) and it's never more than 20-30 minutes... I feel like I would have to be okay with giving up at least 4-6 hours for it to even be a possibility worth thinking about."
"I don't like kids. I fear that they'll end up having a social-limiting condition that would make or difficult for them through life. I fear for my wife's pregnancy and all the risks that go with it. I fear that, no matter what, they'll end up in a gang or just freaking loser."
"I grew up with amazing Friends, raised the same but each got deviated into different stuff (obviously) but some went directly to the crapper. Bad economy in my country to have a kid."
"2 reasons - I live very nicely with only myself to take care of, but it is paycheck-to-paycheck. Again, not struggling, but it's just comfortable enough for me. It wouldn't be realistic to bring a huge burden to that. I also worry a bit about how much of my mental illness they'd inherit."
Not MeHappy Kids Say The Darndest Things GIF by CBSGiphy
"I don't see me ever finding someone to have kids with, and I personally think with the way my life currently is it wouldn't be fair to adopt or get a surrogate etc."
We like our time...
"My husband and I were upfront with each other from the beginning... neither of us should be parents. I love kids. They’re great. I like giving them back to their owners more. Mental and physical illness don’t run in our families, it gallops like a racehorse."
"Bipolar, clinical depression, suicide, schizophrenia, arthritis, heart disease, diabetes, addiction, autoimmune disorders, and cancer are throughout both family trees. Men on my maternal side tend to drop dead of massive heart attacks before 65. That’s not a fair playing field to plop a child onto and I couldn’t do it."
"We're also poor and deeply selfish. We like our time. On top of all that I know my temperament. I stress easily and break down sometimes, becoming nonfunctional. I couldn’t bring a child into the world with the knowledge they’d resent me as a parent."
"Okay so it might be a slightly different answer to what you'd expect from that question, but well. I'd like to have kids, but I don't want them to be genetically mine; even though I'd love to experience pregnancy myself, I think that if I had a life stable enough to be able to support a child, I don't see why I shouldn't adopt one that is already born and is in need of a loving family."
"I think I'd be a great dad, but internally I'd hate the crap out of it and probably resent myself. Kids are the worst they are narcissistic little messes who basically keep you locked in stagnant while they grow up for 18 years. I don't like taking care of my responsibilities now, and you want me to take on more responsibilities? With their little lives on the line? No thanks, my gf and dog are enough responsibilities for me."
"I don’t like kids, for one. I’m also disabled and my condition causes a lot of pain and fatigue so I wouldn’t be able to do it anyway. It just wouldn’t be fair."
I had ruined her life...
"My mother and grandmother constantly told me that having kids would ruin my life. I never could figure out when it would be a good time to ruin my life. So instead of 3 kids and no money, I have no kids and 3 money. Actually 7 houses and a dog. And, yes, my mother constantly told me that, as first born, I had ruined her life. She could not become the air force pilot, archaeologist, race car driver that she wanted to be."
Hell No!Parks And Recreation Nbc GIF by HULUGiphy
"I saw my older sister give birth (she wanted family around super hippie chick) that was more than enough to put me off."
"I aggressively do not want kids. Other people's kids annoy me with their sounds and fluids, and I know that mine would annoy me ten times more with it being always in my face and needing constant attention. I'm glad there's people out there who can give kids happy, loving homes, and I don't hate kids (they just make me uncomfortable and gross me out) but maaaaaan it is not for me at all."
Children are a huge responsibility and they're not for everyone. People have very valid reasons for wanting them and for wanting to avoid them at all costs. Both points of view are completely valid.
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Audiences today are too savvy and unforgiving.
There are so many cinematic aspects that leave so many of us irritated.
And one of the big reasons is that they know they can make them better.
Give me a quick million, you won't be disappointed.
Redditor Ecstatictobehere wanted everyone to vent about everything wrong with movies and Hollywood, so they asked:
"What pisses you off about new movies these days?"
I'm exhausted with the lack of originality.
There are too many talented out there for this.
Turn it down...Race Fans GIF by Formula 1Giphy
"The disparity in volume, explosions are so loud that they hurt and conversations are whispers... I stopped going to the cinema and started waiting for them to be available at any streaming service so I can turn it down or up and so I can enjoy it."
"I have a bone to pick with comedy in general. I felt that ever since the Anchorman era, we just decided that comedy movies were in the line of sketch comedy."
"Create funny situation, let a comedian riff for 20 minutes, take the best take and move on to next funny situation. Which is why comedy movie plots have SUCKED since the early 2000s."
"Sure I love Kristen Whiig, Will Ferral, John C Reilly, Mellissa McCarthy, etc, but damn, I can't help but think that some comedies that have come out int the last 20 years would be memorable if they wrote a funny script instead of making a 120 min sketch show."
"Most movies are getting watered down for the sake of mass appeal. I get why, but it just sucks."
"Some say this is a result of streaming platforms. People used to be able to take risks on movie making because if they didn't do well in theatrical release, there was still a chance for it to become a cult classic and make money with DVD sales down the road. That is no longer an option because everything is streamed for free so now making a movie that doesn't immediately appeal to a large audience is a bad investment."
Lost in Translation
"Not just movies but TV shows - they take a book that's got great reviews, make a poor job of translating it on screen and then flip the ending so it's the opposite of what happened in the book. Proceeds to blame the audience when they pan it for being crap."
BlahBored Season 5 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"Lack of originality and a reliance on franchises."
Enough with franchises and reboots. Lord.
Some light please!jerry cant see GIF by HULUGiphy
"How dark they are. Like literally dark. It's difficult to see what's going on, especially for those of us with vision problems."
Break it Down
"For horror and mystery, everything having to be explained."
"A movie like the original Alien would be lambasted by online critics if it were released today, for the simple reason that by the end of it you know next to nothing about what happened. What was the creature? What was the derelict? Why did the company want it, really? The movie has stood the test of time precisely because it avoided answering those and other questions."
Too Much Redo
"The overuse of cover songs. Recently been a lot of classic rock songs covered by an artist who recorded a slowed version of it. Just saw the trailer for the new Ant Man. It also does this."
"This has been bugging me lately. They do it in commercials too. The cover is slowed way down with a melancholic, reverb-heavy voice. Extra points if you take a classic 'happy' song and add minor chords to it so it sounds threatening."
Too Many Cooks
"A lot of movies feel like they were written by a marketing department. It feels like they got 10 execs in a room and everyone wrote down ideas, characters, plot-points, etc that they know will sell - and then tried to organize them into a narrative structure."
"There's no vision. There's no plot progression. Its just one random event next to another random event, and characters delivering sh*tty one-liners. Like writing madlibs. Even B-movies from the 80's and 90's have better narrative structure and story-telling than half the new movies out today."
GiveawaysCybill Shepherd Applause GIF by SHE'S FUNNY THAT WAYGiphy
"Trailers. They're always about 4 minutes long, give away the entire plot, show all the best scenes and jokes and basically ruin the movie before you've even watched it."
Do better filmmakers.
We're watching. Sadly...
There are two groups of people in this world.
Those who believe in monogamy and those who don't.
People cheat. It's just the way some humans work.
If you're an avid soap opera fan, as I am, then you'll understand that infidelity is part of the package.
Redditor zabalansu wanted to know why we cheat, so they asked:
"Why did you cheat on your partner?"
I've cheated. Because I knew it was already over and I was too much a coward to admit it.
Bad IdeasTom And Jerry Reaction GIFGiphy
"I was drinking and doing a lot of drugs... it honestly turned me into a careless piece of crap for a long time!"
"I cheated once, and it was because she'd cheated on me. I'd already been cheated on before so it was like: 'Well: this time I'm getting revenge.'"
"I didn't feel any better. Made me feel almost as shi**y as I thought she was. She was angry as f**k, but I can't honestly say it was any different than any of the other gals that get pissed off when you break up with them. Haven't cheated since."
"If you're getting cheated on, don't demean yourself by sinking to their level. Just give 'em the boot."
"Because I truly had no idea what a healthy or functional relationship looked like. My parents were married for almost 30 years and had already started the cycle of cheating on each other well before I was born. My grandma used to tell me stories of being friends with my grandpa’s girlfriends 'because she just wasn’t toxic and jealous like other women.'"
"In the relationship where I cheated, I was being treated like garbage. Financially supporting us both even though I was ten years younger and a waitress, enduring a lot of abuse from a very broken man. I felt trapped in the same cycle I had watched my mom and my grandma live, I didn’t really know better."
"A guy at work started paying attention to me, and I loved it. He was sweet and poetic and romantic, committed to helping his sister raise his niece, was out of the house and working instead of drinking my paycheck away and punching holes in my walls. A little harmless work flirting quickly escalated and before I knew it, I was having a whole a** affair."
"I started to prepare myself to leave my boyfriend for my affair partner, when I found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me with anyone he could find on Craigslist (including stealing money from me to pay sex workers). Any guilt I felt for cheating evaporated right then."
"I threw all my clothes in a trash bag and drove to my affair partners house, ready to start our new life together. He had another girl over, basically admitted that a lot of what he had said to me was because he thought I would never leave. All in all, it was a mess. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, do the work that will either fix it or get you out. That new person is flawed too. They won’t fix you or fulfill you, only you can do that."
"Because my wife told me that she was no longer interested in having sex with me, she didn't want me having it with anyone else, and she 'forbade' me from watching porn (I still did the latter, but we could never discuss it or she'd freak out.)"
"So to get my sexual needs met by someone other than myself, for several years, a few times per year I paid a sex worker for a happy ending massage. This was still cheating, but I rationalized it as the 'mildest form' of cheating possible. No chance of an STI, no chance of an unwanted pregnancy, no emotional involvement. I knew it was wrong, but at the time I felt like it was my best choice out of several lousy choices."
"I realize now I should have just said at the time, 'I want a divorce.' That's where we ended up anyway, and I would have saved myself, my wife, and our kids some needless pain over the years. By cheating on her (and hiding it from her), I made it so much worse when she eventually found out."
"To cheaters on here, I would say: get out of your relationship. If you're cheating, you're clearly not happy. Do yourself and your partner a favor and just end it now, before it all goes to hell."
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"Because I wasn't over my ex and when she came knocking I didn't value my new relationship enough and crossed a line I never will lower myself to cross again. You feel like sh*t for years after it, really not worth it no matter how you try to justify it to yourself at the time."
Getting over and getting under... all stressful options.
A MessSteve Harvey Reaction GIFGiphy
"Drunk and being hit on by a bendy yoga teacher. Got caught in the same day. It was a sh**show."
In the Dark Place
"I came here to try and understand what goes on in someone's head when this happens because I've been cheated on sexually and emotionally. Instead I'm just left feeling sorry for the people in this thread. So many people in such a dark place pulling their partners down to an equally dark place. I hope everyone here that has cheated has grow and gotten help. And that they can pursue a healthy and fulfilling relationship after they've grown past that."
"For the people that have been cheated on, I'm sorry all of you went through that and I hope it never happens again. Sometimes it feels like something I'll never fully recover from and other times I refuse to let past hurts ruin the chance of something good happening. So I want the people who have been hurt by their partners cheating to know just because it's happened once doesn't mean it will again and good things can still happen for you."
"Because I was too chicken s**t to get a divorce because I was wildly unhappy and too proud to go to therapy to fix the marriage. So I cheated, got caught, and have since been to a ton of therapy and am getting a divorce. Even though I’m happy to have this relationship in my rear view, cheating is my life’s biggest regret."
That's messed up...
"This was me a decade ago. It was just one time. I had somehow rationalized if I cheated he could then just hate me. That would hurt less than me telling him I didn't love him anymore and I wanted out. He was a good partner, but I fell out of love with him."
"The latter would've been the honorable thing to do. He was going to be hurt either way! I was just doing mental gymnastics to justify my reasoning - really I just liked the attention that I wasn't getting at home. That's messed up. I worked a lot on myself and go to therapy. I'm a much better partner now, and I haven't done it since."
WorthlessWill Smith Smh GIF by The Academy AwardsGiphy
"Because she cheated on me first. I don’t ever recommend such a stupid f**king decision. It isn’t worth it, folks. I normally considered myself strong and stoic before that? I don’t have a foot to stand on now. It wasn’t worth it."
"I felt an intimacy connection with someone which I’d never had before. In retrospect it’s one of the dumbest and stupidest things I ever could have done. It wasn’t at all worth what it has now become. I’ve lost my entire family and have no respect from the people that matter most to me. 10/10 would not recommend and would never do again. I lost it all for something that never even really mattered. I had it all in front of me, I just refused to see it."
Well, love isn't always forever and intimacy is something we work on every single day.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Relationships, whether that means dating or being in some form of a long-term relationship, are hard, and that definitely includes sexual intimacy. Whether it's trying to keep things interesting or staying connected after a long time of being together, many people struggle to stay intimate with their partner.
But some may be surprised at just how long some people go without having sex.
Redditor ItsRainingAlberts asked:
"What is the longest you've gone without sex, and why did you go so long?"
"A year. I was shattered from a break-up (two years ago)."
"Now I'm enjoying the dating scene."
"A little over two years. I had no partner and wasn't really interested in finding one at that moment, and casual sex did nothing at all for me anymore. I didn't care about sex much at all during that period of my life."
A Dissolved Marriage
"Over three years. My wife wouldn’t touch me and I remained faithful."
"Now divorced at 40, it’s kind of hard to meet people, so the counter continues to go up."
"I'm doing mostly better since the breakup. I'm still struggling with seeing my daughter less and balancing work life and meager attempts of putting myself out there to meet new people."
"Seven or eight years. Three or four years because my husband wasn't able to anymore, and almost five years since he died."
"I have no interest at all in looking for another life partner but I had tons of sex in my 20s so I'm all good now."
"About a year now since my ex broke up with me. I haven't gotten anything since and probably won't for a while as I'm not very good at socializing, especially with people I'm interested in."
"Since I had sex for the first time at age 16, the longest I have gone without was four years, from 2017 to 2021."
"Why? Because I'm now a single male in my late 40s. I have never had the desire to get married, and I don't do well in relationships."
"Most women in my age group are now married, and the ones who aren't are not interested in FWB (Friends With Benefits) relationships or one-night stands."
"I'm lucky to have found a woman who's interested in FWB, who's 27, and who has an obsession with older men, but women like her don't grow on trees."
"Since my last relationship, all of my sexual encounters have been spontaneous, casual, and overall kind of meh."
"I will never have children or date someone with children and in your 30s that eliminates everyone. I'm at 2 years myself and while it sometimes gets lonely I've learned to like having 100% of my time belong to me."
"Two and a half years... still going strong. I don't want to get with someone again for now due to past experiences."
"I've had my fair share of relationships, and the sex (most of the time) wasn't bad but very good, the relationship though wasn't good a lot of the time, and in a relationship, I look for more than just sex, and I don't look for sex without a relationship."
"So for now, I'm good, and if I never have it again, I won't really cry about it."
The Importance of Intimacy
"A... while. Having sex is an incredibly intimate experience, and it can be hard to recover from bad experiences."
"I feel like a relationship is more than just the physical, the emotional bond and love, and support is what holds a relationship together. If you can't find that mutual love and respect, it doesn't matter how great the sex is."
An Evolving Relationship
"The last four years. Ever since my twins were born, my wife has had zero sex drive."
"We do the deed once, maybe twice, a year. I wish things were different, but I love her and if that’s all I get, then I’m willing to accept that."
The Way It Used to Be
"My husband has the same issue but shows me affection in other ways so I don't want to leave. Just wish that part was still there."
Low Point in Life
"I'm going on almost eight years now. I had a major life event where I lost everything, and the subsequent depression killed any desire to be with another human."
"I don’t even like to be touched now. I look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted. I’m not ugly, but I have let myself go to a point where my physical looks match what I think I mentally look like."
"I haven’t had sex in close to five years now, by choice. My antidepressants killed my sex drive so now I have zero interest."
"14 years and counting. I went through some pretty awful medical s**t that year, and one of the side effects is no more sex. This has been, as they said in ancient Babylonia, 'a real bummer.'"
While the reasons for not experiencing sexual intimacy are all across the board, people who are currently missing the experience can at least take some comfort in how common of an issue this seems to be.
Do you have any similar experiences or anything to share? Let us know in the comments below.
No one's life is going to be perfect, and we cannot be happy 100% of the time.
But there are things we can do to make our lives, and others', better, and those things are not necessarily all that complicated.
Redditor shadow_2116 asked:
"What are some unwritten life rules everyone must know?"
"If you don't understand something someone is telling you, say so instead of pulling an 'opinion' on the topic out of your a**. There is no shame in not knowing or understanding something."
"Refusing to admit you don't know and by extension refusing to learn something new because your ego is hurt is gravely misguided, however."
"In the song 'Grand Illusion' by Styx, there is a line: 'Don’t be fooled by the radio, tv, or the magazine. Shows you photographs of how your life should be, compared to someone else’s fantasy.'"
"So, I guess, the idea that you might not feel like you're living your best life when you compare it with what you're told is supposed to be your best life."
" Also along this line, 'Don’t compare your day-to-day life to someone else’s highlights.' Like, don’t compare your life to what bits you see of someone on social media."
A Golden Rule for Kids
"If a toddler hands you a toy phone, you answer it."
"Family" Isn't a Reason
"Just because someone is family, doesn't mean they're a good person."
"It's so wild how people call you a bad person for avoiding your family despite knowing nothing about their family."
"Like, 'It doesn't matter what they did, you were in the wrong because they're family,' makes zero sense to me, but other people look at me like I'm the lost one.
"Not everybody is your friend, so be careful who you vent to. Many people only want juicy gossip and don’t give a s**t about you or your problems."
"A good sign of this is when your friend brings you dirt or juicy stuff about someone else that likely was said in confidence or probably shouldn't have been communicated out."
"If they do that, your info is equally being dished out."
"Putting folks on informational diets is the way to go until you gain a supreme level of mutual trust."
"Under promise and over deliver. People will think you are a genius."
Don't Ask the Question You Don't Want the Answer To
"Don’t ask for somebody else’s opinion and get mad when they tell it to you."
Compliments Make a Difference
"It never hurts to compliment somebody on the quality of their work, their hobbies, and whatever field are most important to their self-esteem. It always goes a long way."
Friendship Reality Check
"Your best friend may not consider you to be their best friend."
Be Able to Walk Away
"Never let anyone take or disturb your peace. Learn to walk away from toxic people!"
No Sudden Reactions
"Your feelings are valid, but your reactions may not be."
"If you ever find yourself feeling very angry at somebody, and want to give them a piece of your mind either over text, email, or phone, listen to this advice. It’s some of the best I have ever learned."
"Write down what you would want to say first, either in a word document or email or whatever, save it, but DO NOT send it. Then, wait at least 12 hours or overnight and revisit what you wrote."
"After having a cool-off period and some time to gain some clarity, 90% of the time you would have regretted having sent the original message and are usually in a much better place to respond so as to not burn any bridges that you meant to keep."
"I’ve always heard of this as having 'restraint of pen and tongue' and is one of the clearest signs of maturity."
"Before you enter and elevator, LET OTHER PEOPLE OUT FIRST, GODD**NIT!"
Don't Make It Worse
"If someone does something unintentionally embarrassing or awkward, you pretend it didn't happen, and if they look at you, you just smile and look away."
A Few Golden Tips
"Admit when you've done something wrong."
"Trust your gut."
"Nobody thinks as much about you as yourself."
"Be kind. Don't be an a**hole."
"If you need help and it is available, ask for it, take it."
"Just because you apologize doesn't mean the other party has to forgive and forget."
The Best of Times and the Worst of Times
"Life actually sucks a lot of the time. If you expect to be happy all the time, you will be sorely disappointed and lost. Instead, work up resilience to the hard times and take your time to enjoy the good times."
"It can take so long to learn this, because no one really talks about it, and for some weird reason the only accepted default state is 'happy.'"
"Another factor is how that's basically what you are until 15 years old. Until your basic reptile adult 'survival responsibility' kicks in, we're oblivious and happy most of the time. Then suddenly, the baseline changes, and almost no one is prepared for it, and the only reasonable conclusion is that you're mentally ill and depressed."
"That's why I take every opportunity I get to talk about how much life sucks so that people can enjoy it more with less fantastical expectations, lol (laughing out loud)."
There are so many good pieces of advice here, but perhaps the most wonderful thing is that it doesn't take a lot to make someone's day a little better, including your own.