I hate clowns. Like a lot. I know a lot of people have a clown fear, but mine manifests more like an irrational anger towards clowns - thing is, I have a really good reason for it.
When I was younger, my mother decided to take me to a parade. She got a great spot up by the barricades and things were going great - until the clowns. I don't know what the hell this one clown was thinking, maybe they got caught up in the festivities or maybe they were a serial killer. Who knows.
What we do know is this clown reached over the barricade, took me out of my mothers arms, and just kept on marching. My mother (a whopping 5 feet tall) had to run after me, weaving through a Manhattan parade crowd, screaming that the clown had her baby.
Security wouldn't let her over the barricade, and the crowd wasn't exactly thrilled about being shoved aside. It took a while but eventually she managed to get me back and fire off some choice language to the clown in question.
Since then, clowns are like an instant no-thank you.
Reddit user @Sjuma19 asked:
What is the weirdest phobia that you have?
Here are some of the best (worst?) responses.
Answer The Phone
That my parents are dead, especially when it takes them a while to answer the phone. It's the weirdest f*ing anxiety I have every time. I remember this anxiety as far back as when I was in grade school where my parents had to pick me up and I worry they are in a car accident when they pick me up late.
Now I'm a grown man and I still get this heavy feeling in my gut when neither of them pick up the phone after my third ring.
The Ultimate Humiliation
I'm terrified that I'll go to a threesome and the other two people will ignore me completely.
Into The Sky
Casadastrophia, its described as a fear of falling into the sky but the only time I notice is is if I'm in a big open area, next to a really tall building or I'm in a building with a tall ceiling usually stadiums.
Oh woot. That's a phobia. My scariest dreams are of this. Straight falling upwards and trying to stay in buildings to not fly off. I'm getting better at mastering it though. That's the trick!
- _AJ__
There are dozens of us! Empty parking lots on a cloud-free day, man... It has to do with balance though. People who rely more on visual queues for balance, when we have no reference point to the ground we feel like we are tripping and hence "falling" up. So at least there is a weird logic behind it.
- Burdicus
The Deep
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Thalassophobia.
It's not as much a fear of the ocean or deep water as it is a fear of the creatures in it and the disadvantages that the environment places on a human being.
Think about it. You're deep down, visibility is low, you have no idea what's out there, but you know full well that whatever IS out there is a hell of a lot faster than you. It can attack you from any angle. Above, below, behind you. You can't watch everywhere and as soon as you try to surface for air there's no possible way you'd see something lunging at you.
The Stairs
I hate walking up those stairs that have gaps in them. Give me a solid staircase any day. Ever since I was a kid I always freaked out going up them worrying that I'd slip through.
My old school had stairs like this. The boys would stand under them and look up dresses/skirts, or they'd reach out and grab kids ankles.
It got to the point where we'd all wait for the teacher after lunch and walk up with them, or get in late. It went on for months.
I remember feeling so frustrated one day that I walked out of class, went straight to the principals office, and reported every single one of those little f*ckers. Naturally, it turned into a massive sh*tshow.
For a week every kid in class was called in for interviews, and I guess since the ball was rolling all other girls started naming who'd done what to whom as well. Parents were called in. Some appalled, some refusing to believe their kids were perving/had almost frigging killed kids by tripping them. There were 2 suspensions, and almost every boy in class got 3 months of detention.
I spent the rest of the year being hated by all boys in class but one (the only one who hadn't participated, and was often a target for grabbing). At the time it was awful but looking back probably one of the best things I ever did in school. Someone could have died. Dumbarses.
Anyway, I too have this fear but it's very rational.
Thank God For Online Pizza Ordering
Calling people on the phone.
I am not unreasonable, I don't mean that I literally never call anyone, so "phobia" is a bit of a strong word. What I mean though is the idea of calling someone or answering the phone for someone I'm not intimately familiar with gives me serious anxiety. If a friend or family member calls me or vice versa, no problemo. But if I have to call or answer for anyone else? I'm sweating bullets. Even at work, my boss finally had to be blunt with me and tell me directly to answer the phone if it rings because I was low-key pretending to miss calls even though I may be the only person in the office at the time.
Thank God for online pizza ordering.
The Drain
Standing on the plughole in the shower, don't know why but it gives me the creeps. Like something is going to come up and stab me from inside?
I had a centipede crawl out of the drain while i was in the shower today. Nearly cried.
Really The Toilet
I developed, and thankfully eventually got over, the oddest toilet related fear. Every time I went to the loo, I was afraid that I was really elsewhere and doing my business in my pants, possibly in public.
For example, I would be peeing and have to assure myself with touch and sound and smell that indeed I was on the toilet. Not in bed sleeping and dreaming I was on the toilet. Not at work somehow asleep at my desk. Or anywhere else.
This lasted maybe two years and was quite frustrating and upsetting.
Crushed By The Sky
It's a little hard to describe, but wide open spaces. Specifically, outdoors. Like plane runways, meadows with no trees to act as borders. Really, any outdoor space, that when I look up into the sky, it feels like there's nothing stopping the literal sky from crushing me. Typing it out, it sounds ridiculous, and I know for a fact that that isn't ever going to happen. But I can still very vividly feel the panic and urgency of using my hands like blinders, staring down at the ground, as I quickly walk/ran to the nearest tree during our school field day.
The Ice Cream Man
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This is SUPER weird but I have a phobia of the ice cream van. Whenever I hear the music it makes my stomach drop and I get a feeling of existential dread creeping over me. I've felt like this my whole life, my parents told me I used to get woken up from naps by our local ice cream van doing the rounds when I was like 2, crying that something was coming out of the sky to get me. These days I'm not quite as dramatic but any ice cream van music makes my skin crawl.
No idea why I feel like this, my theory is I must have been killed by an ice cream van in a previous life.
Other Liquids
I am disgusted by and terrified of drinking other liquids than water. For me it's not just not liking it, but actually being afraid of touching this liquid in any way or accidentally consuming it.
If someone pours himself a glass of a fizzy drink next to e.g. a bread basket, I won't touch or eat that bread anymore because it's 'contaminated'. I just get really anxious when near other liquids. Like full on fear. Heart pounding, sweating and being hyper aware of where that liquid is and what might get in touch with it.