The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Doesn't matter how nice you were trying to be to something or someone, there's still an excellent chance they'll hate you for what you've done. Because, seriously how dare you try and offer to pay for their drinks? Who do you think you are?!
...
Lot of awkward stories coming up.
Reddit user, u/cameronsounds, wanted to hear the awful story when they asked:
What's your "I tried to do a nice thing" (but it ended in disaster) story?
Don't Ever Try To Get To Work Early
GiphyNot as serious as some answers but the other day at work I was supposed to put this box in a storage closet, but I didn't have a key so I was just waiting for my boss to meet me. Another woman came up and asked me if I needed help, I said no, and she told me to get a key from the main office right down the hall. I went and asked for a key thinking if I could go ahead and get it done that it might make things go smoother for my boss.
Well, I tried to open the door and the key snapped in half. With half still stuck in the door. They couldn't get into the closet for about an hour and had to get special tools to get the key out of the door. So, I tried to be nice and get my work done early... ended up breaking a door and making us stay an hour later.
3 Weeks?
I offered an mint to my boss. She got offended thinking I was saying she had bad breath and got really upset with me for like 3 weeks.
Slip n' Knee Injury
Was shoveling snow from my walkway finished it and then did my neighbors as he was old. Finished it and then decided to do the next one too. As I was finishing my right foot slipped forward and I tried to keep from falling. I slid for about 8 feet trying to avoid going down. Blew out something in my knee and it hurt for the next 7 months.
That Ended Just As Bad As It Could Have. Death.
Invited my elderly mom to live with us.
She was widowed and had some emotional health problems. Short version: she got paranoid and started hating us for "controlling her". She moved out, wrote me out of her will, and I never saw her again.
After 15 months she died.
Just Tell People About Dead Birds. Seriously.
When I was a kid I went into my mum's room and found our cat looking up at a small bird chilling on the rim of one of my mum's bags hanging from a cupboard only like a meter away.
I had no idea how that bird got in the room. I panicked and went to try and shoo the bird out do the window before my cat got to it. The bird didn't move when I got close so I picked up the bag it was perched on and tipped it out of the window, at which point the poor bird dropped 2 stories onto the ground.
I stared back, confused as to why it didn't fly off. It turns out it was injured and my mum had put it in the bag for it to heal or something and neglected to tell me. That birds death will forever be on my conscience.
It's JUST Blood. Come On.
I found a guy seizing out on the side of the road in a small town once. it looked like he fell and broke his glasses, he also had some blood running down the side of his head. So I called the ambulance for him because I didn't know what to do.
the next day, a lady at one of my regular stops came up to me and said "why did you call so and so an ambulance yesterday? now he has to pay for it. he's a tough guy and would have been fine, it happens all the time"
it was mid-winter and some random guy was twitching on the street. wtf was I supposed to do? just keep driving?
WTF Is Up With That Counselor?
I was in a summer camp when I was 9 and after lunch, I decided to clean up everyone's trash for them. As I was throwing away the trash, a counselor saw me and yelled at me for throwing away his empty soda can.
He told the other counselors and the adults running the camp that I did it with the intent of just throwing his food away. I cried so much on the car ride home.
Not Your Time, Bro
On a rainy day, I gave a ride to a hitchhiker near campus that looked like a typical university student. (I normally don't pickup hitchhikers, but it was hard to ignore him standing there in the pouring rain.)
I drove beyond where I was headed to get him to his stated destination - a place off the beaten path. But then he would not get out of the car. He just kept staring and telling me that he was "lonely and needed someone to be with."
I finally told him that we were headed to the police station if he didn't get out, and that did the trick. If it hadn't worked, we probably would've come to blows, because I could see he was building up to something.
A Fox Fail
Worked at an arcade prize counter. Summer camp of kids came rolling in. They had tickets for unlimited games but they couldn't get any points for the prize counter, which the counselors failed to tell the kids so we had to keep explaining it. Some of the poor kids were super excited because they had won a jackpot! It was equal parts annoying and heart breaking.
Well, one kid showed up and was devastated. He'd been working all day to get enough points for this little clip-on fox plush. He was inconsolable. I decided to use my own points to get it for him, because I felt like that was a toy I would have liked as a little kid and I'd also probably be equally devastated if I couldn't have it and because I was well and truly annoyed with the counselors at that point. I told him to NOT TELL ANYONE.
He came back later in tears because the counselor confiscated the toy. To have the toy and have it taken away probably felt worse than not getting the toy at all. I felt awful.
Wow....Just....Awful.
GiphyA squirrel was somehow stuck in my parents' fireplace while I was in college. My mom was home by herself and was freaking out. She tried her best to get it out but it kept climbing up the chimney every time she got close. I make it home on Friday afternoon after classes to help out. I find the squirrel curled up in the ashes in the fireplace. I grab it and put it outside and since it was raining there were puddles all around.
The squirrel took two steps into a puddle, had what looked like a seizure and died immediately.
Not Quite The Video-Worthy Product We Were Promised
I stood up for an old woman on the buss and she spent the whole ride yelling at me because SHE IS NOT OLD AND DOES NOT REQUIRE A SEAT!! How dare I think that she can't stand by herself?
"After a recent study found 1 in 8 men under 35 admit to taking condoms to funerals "just in case", what's your experience with this?"
Select Crowd...
"I went to my grandma's funeral and hit it off with this hot nurse."
"Things were going great until my brother pulled me aside and said it was my second cousin."
'You know who shows up at funerals for old people? "
"Family members."- bumblef**kglobal
"I remember seeing a really hot chick at my grandmother's funeral."
"Immediately thought was I should chat her up."
"Then my brain went to, 'What if she's family and we just never met?'"
"I just went back to mourning."- VideoGameDana
Okay then...
"Once I was dating a girl whose dad absolutely forbid us from dating."
"Like, would lock his daughter in her room and take her phone to make sure we did not communicate."
"She told me when we spoke for a moment at Starbucks that she would date me if her dad was out of the picture."
"He died is a car crash on the freeway, and since her mom liked me invited me to the funeral."
"My girl and I sat next to each other at the funeral and couldn't wait, got it on in the parking lot of the funeral home."
"Condom was necessary."- crunchysquare
car studio GIF by ZI ItalyGiphyNever The Funeral, Always The Wake
"Ngl, some of the best parties I’ve been to have been wakes."
"In no way disrespectful, they were a celebration of the person’s life and also a massive tension release after grimness of the funeral itself."
"So I’m not surprised some people take a condom just in case."
"I’ve never done it, but I didn’t often expect to get laid regardless of situation."- Goryokaku
Oops...
"Proudly in the 7 out of 8 camp."
"But the 1 in 8 aren’t wrong."
"Heard through the family grapevine that one of my female cousins met a dude at a funeral and they banged it out the same night."
"Also turns out they were related (what’re the odds at the funeral of a relative? )."
"Distant enough they would never see each other again (different branches of her family), close enough that their family photo albums have overlapping people."- ESQBOJaguar
If You Really Think About It...
"Biologically speaking mourning/death triggers mating instincts as though that death tells the lizard brain in us that we need to procreate because death is scary."
"Scum'ically speaking, funerals typically leave people especially women in a state of fragility that leaves them vulnerable to suggestion and coercion."
"Socially speaking, some people, both men and women, seek comfort and company after/during a mourning period and when two people engage in comforting each other emotionally through a death it can trigger chemicals in the brain that cause the idea of connection or chemistry which can inevitably lead to copulation."- KURO-K1SH1
Season 18 Episode 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyBetter Safe Than Sorry!
"If you forget to bring a condom you increase the chance of casual sex with 10.000%."
"It’s a well-known fact."- Mukkeman
Not Just Men...
"I'm not a man and I've taken condoms 'just in case' pretty much anywhere."
"I've told folks to take condoms 'just in case' to a festival who I was sure would never have a one night stand and who I had never even seen mingle with any man/woman."
"It's a safety."
"The thing costs less than a dollar, but if anything somehow would happen, not having it could cost you your healthiness or independence/freedom due to a child being your new responsibility."
"Unless you absolutely, 100% am sure you will not be having sex that day, and no one will be able to change your mind - carry a condom."
"And having visited a funeral is likely not impactful enough to everyone to make them absolutely sure of that."-deterministic_lynx
It Is, Indeed, A Source Of Comfort...
"I'm a woman, but I'm going to point out that grief affects everyone differently."
"Some people get an intense need for sex when they are grieving, I speak from experience here."
"Perhaps they're carrying them everywhere already, but choosing to take some specifically to a funeral makes perfect sense to me."- Sexy-Snowflake
"My bf's son died, and his sex drive was significantly higher around that time period, I think it's just a way men deal with stress."- Arielxxxlee
Sexy Ava Gardner GIF by Turner Classic MoviesAlways Listen To Your Mother...
"When I turned 15 my mom told me to always have a condom in my wallet just in case."
"That was before people realized it was really bad to keep it in your wallet."
"So yeah I’ve been pretty much everywhere with one 'just in case'."- euphoria110
If It's Already There, Why Take It Out?
"I do too."
"I'm not going to remove the random condom that is in my wallet just because I'm going to a funeral."
"Not that I ever needed one, I'm still a virgin BTW."- azarbi
When One Life Ends, Another Begins...
"I’ve heard that the proximity of death increases the desire to make new life."
"Anecdotally, my FIL and MIL met at a funeral and 9 months later my husband was born."- KerouacsGirlfriend
Lionel Messi Hug GIF by FC BarcelonaGiphyNot SPECIFICALLY Funerals...
"We bring condoms everywhere, 'just in case', not only the funeral, you silly!"- WeetIkVeelNL
No one should be judged if they happen to have a condom with them when attending a funeral.
After all, should the moment arise, better to be prepared and safe.
On the other hand, if any of these people are attending the funeral with the intention of "getting lucky", that's just... yeah...
Redditor Spinksy48 wanted to understand the fun of letting your opponent lose by just doing nothing, so they asked:
"What is your 'never interrupt an enemy while they are making a mistake' moment?"
If the story starts to get really crazy, just wait for a break.
Then ask a question from the beginning.
I guarantee you know more of the lie than they do.
Just keep talking, friend.
Gotcha
Dashcam Hello GIF by TranscendGiphy"I let the lady who changed lanes into me run her mouth about how I rear-ended her before pulling the cop aside to show him my DashCam footage."
ThrowingChicken
A Cherry Wave
"I was accused by a neighbor of reversing out of my drive and hitting his car. He gave me the date and time I had allegedly done it and pointed to a (small) scrape on my car that supposedly matched perfectly the location of the dent on his. This was 7 weeks after the alleged event, by the way."
"I said it wasn't me but told him to contact his insurance and we'd see what they said. A few weeks later I get a letter from my insurance asking what had happened, to which I responded with the date I had bought my car (and updated my insurance) - two weeks after the supposed bump."
"He never spoke to me again but I used to give him a cheery wave every time I saw him glowering at his window."
Gazcobain
Speak Once
"In a meeting with my project manager who has not been in the office or worked a proper full day for MONTHS, she has increasingly been annoyed by people bypassing her to get things done by telling me and her other direct reports what to do."
"I was about to answer a question for stakeholders, and she told me to let her speak one sentence and will let me have my bit. I did as I was told, and she told the stakeholder a completely wrong thing about the system we were handling and made a complete fool out of herself. She got sacked this month."
choiaera
We Hated Each Other
"Guy stole a presentation from me, this is 25 years ago. We hated each other. When he started presenting I realized I had made a huge error, didn’t say anything. Let him get through it. Asked him about the error, but he couldn’t answer. This was in front of COO. Got fired, not for just that, he was an overall douche. This was before everyone was on PCs, and had one printer in one room."
Bmilvis
Whoops
Office Space GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"When a coworker who I hated got fired a few weeks after I decided to stop fixing his mistakes even if it impacted a client."
Hrekires
It's always thrilling to see the bad colleagues go!
Bye. Bye. Bye.
I will see you on the 15th
Idiot Reaction GIFGiphy"Not my story, but several years ago my older brother was fighting for custody of his son with his ex-wife. As the first custody hearing date approached, they were exchanging [un]pleasantries over text and my brother ended up saying something along the lines of, 'I'm not continuing this conversation. I will see you on the 15th.' The ex-wife told him, 'The hearing is on the 25th dumba**.'"
"So of course instead of correcting her, my brother just allowed her to keep thinking it was the wrong date, and she missed the first hearing entirely. It became the first of many mistakes she made in the court system that eventually led to my brother and the woman who is now his second wife winning full custody of his son."
Damn_Furries
Follow the Prints
"I'm working on a job site and the architect is there one day. I've been given some light fixtures for the sconces in a leasing office lobby. The fixtures are meant to be hung from a ceiling, they can't be installed on a wall. I attempt to convey this to the architect, but he brushes me off and just tells me to follow the prints."
"I turn to the apprentice and say, well you heard the man, put them up. A bit later, we hear the crashing of glass. The architect asks what was that? I said your light fixture. As I picked up a broom and dustpan to go clean up."
Ohhhhhhthehumanity
No Debt
"As I was being fired from a job, the district manager requested we record the conversation. He thought I was gonna be very upset, so I obliged. Then when he started to tell me why I was being fired he started with, 'You are gonna be graduating college soon, and we want to make sure we get ahead of you leaving us.'"
"I very calmly asked him to send me the recording right after he said that. Then later that day I called a lawyer. I now have no student loan debt."
JRTHEAMAZING
The Screams
"I reminded my ex-wife the divorce court was the next day and was invited to Get F**ked. So I went by myself, she failed to appear and pissed off the Judge so he asked what would be my desired outcome for assets and Custody of the kids. He wrote down whatever I wanted and I could hear her screams when she read the Orders from 3500km away."
comfortablynumb15
Silence
"There's a thing in law enforcement/legalese called a spontaneous utterance. Many many people will bury their own cases with these while bi*ching and moaning at their arresting officer on the way to jail."
raccoonsonbicycles
That last one is good knowledge to have in the back pocket.