Anybody who works in customer service knows that the customer is most certainly not always right.
And yet, sometimes they really insist they are, even when they are so not. And sometimes the questions they ask are so tantamount to this point that you want to look around for a camera on a reality TV show and see if you're being punk'd.
Spoiler: You aren't...
Here were some of those answers.
Oh My, Karen
I used to work at Enterprise Rent-A-Car (We'll pick you up!). I went to pick up a customer (worth noting she was renting a car for a weekend getaway), called her when I got to her apt, and she came downstairs and had this conversation:
Lady: Ok, I'll follow you back to the office
Me (confused): I'm here to pick you up and drive you back to the office.
Lady: What am I supposed to do with my car?
Me: Were you planning on leaving your car at our lot over the weekend?
Me (more confused): Why are you going to follow me in your car? I can drive you back to the office, finish the paperwork, and you can take the rental car from there.
Lady (not grasping the concept): Well how are you going to get back?
Me: I'll drive us both, in this rental car, back to the office, where we can do the paperwork and you can take the rental car from there. That way, your personal car is still at your apt. And when you return the car on Monday, you can drive the rental car back to us, we'll close out the paperwork, and we'll give you a ride home. Sound like a plan?
Lady: That doesn't make sense. You're making this way too difficult. I'll just follow you in my car.
Me (thinking the customer is always right!): Ok!
We get back to the office, I finish the paperwork (still astonished she qualified to rent a car), and hand her the keys to the car.
Lady: Ok, how do I get my car back to my apt?
Lady: Can you drive my car back to my apt?
Me: I'm not authorized to drive your car. You're welcome to leave it here on the lot over the weekend if you want.
Lady: Ok, can you drive the rental car and follow me back to my house so I can drop off my car?
Me: This is what I was trying to do when I picked you up! There was no need to take 2 cars.
Lady: I'd like to speak to your manager.
Context - I was 16 during this
I work at chick fil a and I'm taking orders as you do, guy walks up and asks "Aren't you supposed to be in school?". I look down at the clock and see it's 6 pm. I look at him confused and say "No it's 6 pm". He asks again, I say the same thing again.
Then he yells "Alright, EFF YOU" and leaves
This Is A Special Level
I used to work at the UPS store in high school. Our last pickup was at 7:00 and we closed at 8:00 pm. Since we had private information and people's personal mailboxes in the store, security was a big deal.
It was 8:30. Our tills were counted down, the alarm was set, our copiers, fax machine, and computers were shut down, our lights were off, and we had closed and locked a ginormous red gate that separated the entrance from the rest of the store.
Some woman ran up to the door, and like some demon in a horror movie, she hurled herself against the glass and screeched like a banshee.
Keep in mind, we are very obviously closed with a sign saying we are closed, no lights on, and a giant red gate drawn down over the store.
She began pounding on the glass and frantically yelling at us. My coworker worried something was wrong, like maybe she was being chased and needed help.
He carefully opened the door just a crack to ask what was wrong. She immediately tried to wedge her hands and head in the crack and asked "Are ya'll open?" We informed her that we obviously weren't.
Her logic was "well you opened the door so now you have to help me".
She began wailing and crying that she had to mail a package. We explained that even if we were open, our last pick up was an hour and a half ago and we couldn't even mail it until tomorrow.
She protested and protested and we eventually got the door shut and locked. So we just stood there awkwardly in the dark, hoping she would leave. She kept pounding on the glass and saying "I know you're open!!!!"
As we debated what to do and if we should call the cops, this lady pulled out her cell phone and called the cops herself!
The cops arrived, we explained the situation, and the woman accused us of lying, despite the sign on the door saying we closed an hour ago at this point.
Then, in front of the officer and on security camera, the woman launched herself at my coworker and hit him in the face. She immediately jumped back and began fake crying that he had assaulted her.
We were dumbfounded. She ended up getting arrested and my coworker pressed charges.
So the stupidest question I got was "Are you open?".
Tues, Sat....Same Diff!
When I was a teenager I had a customer try to fight me because we didn't do the taco Tuesday discount for him.
It was the weekend...
Drive Into A Ditch I Guess
This was by far the most memorable dumb customer encounter. Years ago I worked for an Audi dealership as a greeter/shuttle driver and one blissfully quiet afternoon, a middle aged woman in a beige A6 pulled into the drive. Here's how the exchange went down:
Me: Good afternoon. How can I help you today?
Her: This light came on! (She points to the check engine light with concern in her voice)
Me: Yes. That's the check engine light...
Her (interrupting me): No! It's this one!!! (the CEL was the only light on at this point in time)
Me: Yes. That's the check engine light.
Her: Well what does it mean?
Me: There are literally thousands of different things that can turn that light on but if you go into the office there, one of our service advisors can plug in a little computer and they'll tell you what's wrong.
Her: (scoffs condescendingly) So you don't know what it means...
Me: Ma'am I think they can help you better than I.
Not The Same Thing But Ok
When I worked in a call center for home phone service, I had a guy call and angrily ask why we were still charging him for his phone service, since he had unplugged his phone from the wall a month ago.
All Living Things Need Water Sandra
I used to work in a pet store. One night a woman came in and said she had ordered a puppy off the internet and he would be arriving in the next few days. She had never owned a pet and asked several dumb questions, but the one that I'll always remember is "Do puppies need water?"
I used to work in a phone shop.
Had someone come in asking why their phone wasn't working properly. It was visibly scorched and melty. I asked why it looked that way. They said, it came up with an error message saying it had been too cold (not an error message I had heard of before, but I know phones can bring up errors for being too hot, so who knows) and so they had put it under the grill to heat it up.
Their first point of call was to cook it.
I said, that's why their phone wasn't working, and no it was not covered under the guarantee.
IT, got a ticket from a lady saying her screen is blank. I call, because I saw her in orientation and to be honest she seemed to have never used a computer before (despite being 19, and her title as a receptionist).
"Ma'am is your computer on?"
"I don't know, how would I check?"
coworker next to her grunts and turns on computer for her
"Oh! Ok it's on, now do I have to type out my username AND password to log on?"
No words could properly describe how I felt in that moment.
It's Cause She's Embarrassed
A woman came to the check out and handed me a bag of mozzarella. She asked me what the ingredients were and if there were any chemicals in it. I turned the bag around and started to read the ingredients out to her. She grabbed the bag out of my hand, angrily said "I could have done that myself " and stormed off.