There's a show on Hulu called A Teacher that made me think about the repercussions of a teacher having an illicit affair with a seventeen-year-old student.
While the controversial topic is justifiably subject to condemnation, the show delicately depicted each characters' emotional turmoil and their families in the aftermath.
While many in these types of forbidden relationships don't end well, Redditor Sadebiru was curious to hear from those familiar with the situation and asked:
These Redditors faced immediate disciplinary consequences for their involvement in their respective intimacies, but one suffered emotional trauma for years.
The Trauma Of Being Used
"My English teacher used me as a sperm donor. She slept with me until she got pregnant and then stopped. She didn't even bother to switch schools so I wouldn't know. This was about 50 years ago and it still crosses my mind and bothers me. So the fallout on my side was being mentally messed up for about 4 years and not being able to have a normal sexual relationship for a long time."
Predatory Soccer Coach
"I had a very inappropriate relationship with the assistant soccer coach. His contract was not renewed the next year and I was the subject of gossip, obviously, and labeled the school sl*t by my classmates. It was a very small private school so there was literally no way to keep anything secret. It was only later on I realized he'd taken advantage of me and was, obviously, a sicko who knew I'd fall for the flattery of an older guy the rest of the girls on the team thought was cute."
Sleeping With The P.E. Teacher
"My cousin Adrian slept with the physical education teacher. It was in the mid 1980s, and it right near the end of the school year. She was immediately transferred and he lost his school reference and was suspended for the remainder of the year, which was like four weeks from memory."
"he was no angel. He was an absolute player and he said he has no ill feelings about the whole thing at all. It didn't affect his schooling any further after that and he said he absolutely seduced her, it wasn't the other way around."
Left "Morally Conflicted" About Taking Action
"It was horrible. I was groomed by my English teacher. He said all the right things and I thought I was emotionally mature enough to handle it. I was not."
"I realized when I was 19 how messed up it was and very quietly told the bishop and the Victims of Sexual Misconduct Councilor (catholic school). My worst fear was that it was going to be a big public scandal and I didn't want my family's name dragged through the mud. So he permanently lost his teaching license."
"He is now dating a woman and I want to reach out to her so bad to her to ask if she knows, but at the same time I want that chapter of my life to end. I'm very morally conflicted."
"I had a little intercourse with the replacement French teacher after class, first gay time for him, never did it again. He spent the rest of the year looking at everyone but me in class and dodging every occasion to interact with me, definitively out of shame. But idk if it's because he slept with a student, had gay sex or did it in the classroom we were in atm."
"Towards the end of the 70's, I was in a boarding school, and a student in a class above mine slept with one of the kindergarten teachers. He must have been about 16, she in her twenties. Since he was in his final year, he passed out, and from what I last heard, he was doing well in life. She on the other hand was not allowed back to school."
Instead of suffering a fallout per se, the following Redditors reflected on their flirtatious entanglements.
Creepy But Without Incident
"There were no real ramifications."
"In high school I was in a unique study program. Because I was smart enough to do the schoolwork on my own but didn't bother attending class, they let me do all my work at home and I only had to go in once a week to take tests. This let me work more, not have to figure out how to get to school, get As, and learn more. I was being moved around a lot, so for a while I had to do this program at a different school."
"I had to meet with the teacher privately in his office for about an hour. Of course he was a creepy old man so after months of him hitting on me eventually we ended up meeting up one day to screw. I was in the program because I didn't go to school, so while I did my schoolwork I missed the next couple weeks and so he showed up at my work panicked over my lack of attendance. Since he probably got scared over that and the potential ramifications he didn't hit on me anymore afterwards and eventually I moved again and went to a different school."
"I had a long affair with a college professor. He broke my heart, of course. After about 15 years. I don't think anyone knew except maybe a couple of my friends who never said anything. I was older than my classmates, so it wasn't so bad. Til it was, but that was years later, after I graduated."
"Nothing since I was 6 years out of high school by that point."
"We became friends a couple years after I graduated, eventually I told her I had something of a crush on her, she thought it was cute and flattering and sat on it for a while. One day she invites me out and we meet up, have a good time, we leave. Later that night she texts me when I'm work says she's got feelings too and wants to pursue it."
"We go on a couple more dates, see a movie (The Watch for those wondering), make out in her car afterwards like a couple horny teenagers. We do the deed that night, good times."
"Anyway, the age gap was something she couldn't get over, I was 25 and she was 48, different places in our lives with different goals. We still chat though."
The Chinese Teacher
"She was my Chinese teacher at a Confucius Institute, and is almost 10 years older than me, but I always had a minor crush on her."
"When her contract was about to expire and had to leave my country, we went out to dinner. She was leaving for one last trip before returning to China, so this would be the last time I would see her. I decided to take a shot and told her about my crush. We slept together that night."
"There wasn't really a fallout. We are still in contact, but don't really talk about that night."
One And Done
"Gay dude here. It wasn't my teacher, but just a professor at my school. He contacted me via an app. I was feeling desperate, so I invited him over. Did the deed. He messaged a few days later, asking for another session, but I politely declined. Same thing happened a few days later. He took the hint, and I never heard from him again."
The following academic flings were either highly erotic or wound up being blissful.
"Too Riskey To Continue"
"A few people found out and gave me sh*t about it, but really not a big deal for me personally. It was obviously more difficult for her. Rumours got back to other teachers who were not cool with it and she had some awkward conversations to navigate with the headteacher. She admitted we saw each other outside of school but denied anything sexual, which they did not seem to believe. She was told never to be alone with me and had restrictions placed on her ability to act as a chaperone on school trips etc."
"It didn't last as it was obvious it was too risky to continue but there was no bad feeling between us."
The French Teacher
"I slept with my French teacher about 5 years after leaving school, she was just as as I'd always imagined."
"Afternoon Office Nookie"
"It was in college, we slept together before we knew I was in her class. It was one of those lecture only classes with like 200 students in it so it wasn't a big deal."
"No fallout beyond some late afternoon office hook up now and then."
"She would text me pictures of what she was wearing under her outfit that day. I miss being young."
"The Best Thing That Ever Happened"
"I started dating the grad student that was teaching one of my undergrad classes, although because I took time off before going to uni and he started early I was actually older than him."
"The uni had rules against the sort of thing, of course. We weren't found out until the spring quarter, at which time we were told to cease and desist, but by the time this happened we were engaged."
"The administration were happy for us (and we were all friends there, the department was like one big family), so instead they told us that for the rest of the year my exams and juries would have to be handled by another professor and that our class sessions would be recorded to be sure there was no funny business or nepotism."
"20 years on, we're still married - it was the best thing that ever happened to either of us!"
In rare cases, some students have glorified their dalliances with teachers and bragged about their conquests among their peers.
Some – as those participating in this thread – expressed the absence of fallout or lack of emotional trauma.
In movies and TV, a character who is portrayed as highly intellectual has visible signifiers.
In real life, however, a person with a high IQ is not as easily identified by common Hollywood stereotypes of smart people.
"What is a subtle sign that someone is really intelligent?"
The minds of really smart individuals never stop working.
"They draw wisdom from multiple sources. Wait but that might be more wise than intelligent... But I guess those two tend to be seen together a lot."
"They are curious about everything."
"To be intelligent you need to be knowledgeable and you cant be knowledgeable if you are never curious."
The way highly intelligent people interact with others is slightly different.
"They can switch up the way they talk to match the person they're talking to without sounding condescending. They listen to how others learn and explain it in that person's language of understanding."
Talking On Level Ground
"Talking to people as if they're intelligent at their level and without being condescending or even letting on that it's lower than their level."
"I used to work with a doctor - Tom Howard - and the day I realized he was a genius was the time he guessed every single condition a patient of mine had based on minute piece of information about him."
The Humble Professor
"No joke. The smartest professor I had in engineering school was also the most humble. She was an astounding human being. By week 2, she knew everyone's names by heart in the intro engineering course. In College. With like 180 students. Later, in upper division classes, people would occasionally ask some really stupid questions."
"Like, it happens... you get so deep into some fluid mechanics derivation or something you forget something really basic. People would ask a question like this and everyone would be thinking like; 'Wow, how did you even make it this far?' but then... it's like she would spot the flaw in their understanding so perfectly, and then respond with such clarity and wisdom that the person asking the question would look less stupid and the whole class would be enlightened."
"And here's the thing... I pride myself on being really good at that exact skill. I tutored a lot of people. I was easily one of the brightest amongst my peers. But that woman was on another level. It was mind-blowing."
"And it wasn't just her intelligence, but her organizational skills, discipline, consistency.... And yet... she was so humble. She was quiet and physically quite small. But she just exuded competence and immediately commanded every room she walked into. I've never seen anything quite like it."
A Positive Effect
"When they explain something they make you feel intelligent."
When In Doubt
"They know when their knowledge ends and say something to the extent of 'I don't know and anything else i say on this topic is ignorant speculation.'"
Some with impressive IQs may deal with questions in the following ways.
Reaction To Delayed Responses
"'You really think about everything don't you?' - a doctor, to me, after he asked me a question and I took longer than 2 seconds to answer it."
"No, I just pull something out of my @ss every time and those extra seconds you waited for me to answer were purely to irritate you for my own enjoyment."
The Really Good Questions
"They can ask really good questions."
"Edit: to anyone not understanding what mean, I’m talking about people who ask 'really good questions,' not just any questions, really good ones. I don’t know how one would achieve this skill(I know I haven’t)."
"They spend time thinking before asking a question."
"Some of the smartest people don’t comment at all."
I agree with many of the comments saying a really intelligent person knows how to cater the conversation towards another person's level of understanding.
They do have the impressive skill to convey something in a way that can easily be understood. Some of the most venerated professors at my university were like this, and their classes were always the hardest to get in to.
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There are roughly 7 billion people on earth so being the top 1% of anything sounds like it might be an incredible honor.
Maybe you've received an award or a certification that only a few people have gotten. Or maybe you have a rare disease, which doesn't sound as fun.
We went to Ask Reddit to find the people who are in a top 1% of people.
Redditor I_Love_Small_Breasts asked:
"What are you in the 1% of?"
Here's some of the rare groups people are apart of or things they experience.
Could be totally great or totally inconvenient.
"If I shake my head in a certain way, I can give myself an orgasm. Never met anyone who can do that."
"Wow that sounds incredibly inconvenient."
"'Shaking my head' has a whole new meaning now. Damn."
Survived a flesh eating bacteria.
"Survived flesh eating bacteria in the bloodstream after sepsis. Most people die within 3 days."
"Had MRSA and sepsis because of an open wound on my left foot. Thing is a nurse was treating the wound with Santyl and it was fully bandaged at all times. The nurse changed the dressings 3 times a week but I still ended up in the hospital with antibiotics IV'd into each arm plus oral antibiotics. Spent 15 days in ICU having all my organs sonogramed for signs of the infection spreading. X-rays and MRI's to check for bone infections and when they released me I had to wear a wound vac pump for 2 months to seal the wound on my foot."
"I can stop my hiccups on command."
"There’s a superpower for sure."
This is way less than 1%
"I am one of only 1300 board certified Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners for the adult and adolescent population. In the world."
"I'm unsettled by how small that number is."
"To be fair, there are more SANE nurses, meaning nurses who take care of these patients and are qualified to do so. Being board certified just means I took an extra step after I reached a qualifying time to take a test to prove it. I’m actually up for renewal. At the time I first tested, I was one of something like 1100."
"Still, even knowing that, there aren’t enough SANEs or FNEs overall."
"I’m naturally ambidextrous. Apparently that’s something only 1% of people naturally are. I can use both right and left hands ably for any task. For example, I often switch which hand I write with based on how I’m sitting."
"It’s worth noting natural ambidexterity is not the same as learned or acquired ambidexterity. For example, left handed people often have to use things designed for right handed people but otherwise are left handed."
"I’m of the .002% of people with osteopoikilosis. This freaked the sh*t out of me because when I was diagnosed the first thing the doctor said was 'wow I’ve never seen this in anything but textbooks before.'"
"Basically, I have bones growing inside my bones. It’s not anything I should be worried about, at least for a while, so that’s nice."
How many people can say this?
"I've represented my country in the Paralympic games."
"That’s a really nice one! Which specialty?"
"Volleyball for Great Britain in the 1996 games in Atlanta."
"Not me but my dad."
"He was born with a backwards heart and didn’t find out till his heart attack a few years ago and it actually saved his life."
"His doctor later told him that after being a doctor for over 30 years he’d never seen someone with a backwards heart and that apparently 1% of people on the planet have it."
"I am diagnosed with Visual snow syndrome. Basically seeing through static. It may not be rare as thought but I am one of very few people to be formally diagnosed."
"Same! I figured it out when people didn’t see the static and I heard it mentioned! Used to think I was seeing molecules when I was a little kid haha."
HIV resistant gene mutation.
"I have a double gene mutation that makes me highly resistant or even immune to the HIV virus."
"Can doctors use your blood to help those with HIV?"
"I have the same mutation and I've donated samples towards research. I got an email last year about vaccine hopes but I'm not sure where it went."
There are some incredible people out there in the world, and thankfully the internet is bringing them all together.
It's fascinating to see how diverse humans really are.
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How you approach life's many trials and tribulations can say a lot about who you are. However, many of us don't necessarily learn some lessons so easily.
Life is complicated. It's messy. Few, if any things, go according to plan. On top of that, sometimes the way we handle our relationships or our obligations might not be the most healthy one.
You live, you learn... or so the saying goes.
People shared their stories after Redditor ryanblumenow asked the online community,
"What did you learn at great personal cost?"
"I broke three..."
"Never trust a ladder set up by someone else. I broke three of my lumbar vertebrae. Thankfully I recovered fully, but damn was that scary. I also bit through my lower lip. I have a nice scar as a memento."
This is terrifying. Glad you're still alive–that you healed is miraculous!
"Even if you work your hardest..."
"Even if you work your hardest, do everything right, and are a great employee… you may still be seen as expendable."
This is true. Your company will never be loyal to you. Don't bend over backwards. Do your job–don't sell your soul.
"That you need to be careful..."
"That you need to be careful what you put up with as it teaches people how to treat you. I lost a lot of 'friends' once I started to set boundaries."
This is very true. I can relate: I definitely lost a few so-called "friends" the second I began standing up for myself.
"This goes for all relationships..."
"Don't listen to what people say, but what they do. This goes for all relationships, both professional and personal."
Amen to that. It's a cliche, but actions absolutely do speak louder than words.
"Family can be just as toxic..."
"Family can be just as toxic for you as anyone else. Sometimes it's best to cut them out."
Ain't that the truth.
Are we trading toxic family stories now?
"If someone gets upset..."
"If someone gets upset at you for trying to establish boundaries with them, it's not you being mean or unreasonable, it's them not caring about your happiness."
This is spot on. Don't trust people who violate your boundaries. Your gut won't lie to you, not about this.
"You can't convince them."
"You cannot, even subtly, force someone to love you. You can't convince them. They either do or they don't, and it's on you to decide what to do with that unchangeable position in mind."
I feel like many people go through their 20s without learning this.
Not that I know anything about this... or anything like that.
"Just because you try to be a good friend..."
"That people aren't always your friend. Gaslighting is real. Just because you try to be a good person doesn't mean good things will happen to you."
Very true. Be very careful about what you put out there. Not everyone has good intentions, though this is not in anyway meant to imply that the world is terrible.
It isn't. Just be judicious.
"You can accomplish..."
"You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Doesn't mean you should. Everything will cost more than you anticipate in ways you can't imagine."
That's a poetic way to put it! Spot on. Everything costs something, even your success.
"That you don't have to run off and get married. A marriage that only lasted one year cost me more than $10K. Life is not a race and you don't need to be married by a certain point or at all for that matter."
"Be patient, make yourself available, gravitate to those who understand you the most."
Awful. It sounds like you have peace of mind now, however, which is priceless.
Don't be so hard on yourself, by the way. We all learn at our own pace.
Here's a tip before we go: Your education is never complete. Life always something to teach you, so just accept it, be open to it, and go in grace.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Is there anyone who loved high school?
High school is a disaster. That is true for like... 95% of us.
it's like being branded. "I survived high school because of this!!"
The past is never really past, is it? What did you see?
Redditor HelloProxima wanted to go back and visit the teenage years, by asking:
"What is the most f**ked up thing that happened in your high school?"
I'm on the fence about high school. I want to hate it, but nostalgia haunts me. I saw a lot of violence, there is that.
We were on CNN.don lemon nodding GIF by Red Table TalkGiphy
"They started charging us for ketchup in the cafeteria. Most of the school boycotted cafeteria lunch and brought all manner of condiments from home. We were on CNN. They eventually caved." ~ Ash3Monti
No one liked him.
"I was big into drama club and musical theatre when I was in high school. There was a girl in the drama club in her freshmen or sophomore year who was super nice and everyone loved her. Her older brother on the the other hand, was a complete and total douchebag. No one liked him."
"He always made inappropriate comments or jokes and no one liked to be around him. One night, he was driving him and his sister back from school when he took a steep curve going around 100 mph. He lost control and hit a telephone pole. His sister died instantly and he was in a coma for a few weeks but ultimately survived."
"Myself and my friends in the drama club were devastated. She was one of the sweetest girls you'll ever met and we all loved her. A year or two later, the brother messages my sister and tries to use his sister's death as leverage to get laid. F**k you, you piece of crap." ~ FearTheKeflex
"Guidance counselor was taking bribes to change grades (Both money and sexual favors). Invited one male student over to his house. Had the student tie him up and hang him by chains in his basement "dungeon." Student was homophobic and while the counselor was tied up, bludgeoned him to death." ~ monthos
"This is not that extreme, but it's still disgusting. We have drinking water taps instead of fountains. One parent was suspicious of whether they were cleaning the tanks or not. So they made an announcement that the tank was being cleaned every single day."
"A lot of us didn't believe it, so a group of boys decided to see for themselves if it was true or not. So they put a dead frog in the tank when there was no one around. I don't even know where they found the frog but they swear they didn't kill it. Anyway the frog was there for a few weeks. And obviously the water started tasting weird."
"After the teachers got multiple complaints, they opened the tank and found the frog. The boys were punished, but they fired back with the fact that they lied about cleaning the tanks. They were still punished, because they proved it in a disgusting way. They could've put literally anything in the tank, but they chose a dead frog." ~ R00mTemperature
The QuadAcds2 Look Away GIF by Anime Crimes DivisionGiphy
"A worker doing stuff on the roof. He fell off. Landed in the 'quad' at lunch. A large piece of machinery fell and squished his head. Like a cartoon, only funny. Like 150 Kids saw this." ~ LordInventus
"The Latin kings gang threatened my cousin and his friends and they had 10 squad cars guarding the whole school and dismissed us the same day early." ~ Terrykrinkle
“it’s gonna blow”
"I had just moved in from Egypt to the states in my senior year of high school. A teacher thought it would be funny to fold a bunch of papers and wrap them in duck tape to make it look like a bomb and threw it my direction and went under his desk saying 'it’s gonna blow.' Everybody started laughing and I was so clueless then I just laughed along. It infuriates me to this day that I didn’t call him out on it or report him." ~ ezzabousaif
"Someone somehow made a bomb threat on a Swedish fish candy. Like one single piece. I don’t know how it happened but he got arrested." ~ ts_13_
"A couple weeks before graduation, this kid hacked into the school system and put a Hitler quote and a Boston bomber reference in the senior quotes for the yearbook. One of the affected parties was a trans girl, and we're still not sure if it was a targeted act because of that."
"Administration didn't find out until the entire senior class had received their books. Some people turned theirs in to get their pages replaced, but some kept it because it was a 'limited edition item' or some stupid sh*t like that. Kid got arrested and charged with cybercrime, since he hacked everyone in our school system's school passwords."
"He was so close to graduating too, but got expelled like two weeks before he could. Looked like a rat too. It was all over the news, and everyone in the state of CT basically knows about this now. Got out on bail for $5000." ~ kocorpsie
Good God!Season 3 What GIF by On My BlockGiphy
"We had a huge fight happen in the girls bathroom."
"Apparently one student brought drugs to school and was selling it to her friends. A completely unrelated student caught on and stole the drugs while everyone else was in class. She was caught snorting the drugs in the bathroom by the group selling the drugs and got the crap beat out of her."
"We also had a recently graduated student murder his parents for insurance money . He hid the bodies in a chicken coop and told everybody they were on vacation. It wasn't until 7 months later the bodies were found by the landlord because the rent was late." ~ randomgenericcow
Enjoy high school, at least try too. Maybe if more kids do that, it wouldn't be so insane.
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