Ever since moving to New York to acquire fame and fortune, I've had to make sacrifices. For the first year I was able to live alone but I was stationed a little far from where all the action happens. Quickly I learned that in order to be in the thick of the action, I was gonna have to move in with people and share my space to save some coin. Now some thirty roommates later.... I should've just stayed with the commute. The book I could write. I wouldn't know where to begin. The roommate who had a two year old that he forgot to mention? The roomie who liked to dance nude in the kitchen while intoxicated? The guy who would have pornographic sound level intercourse? Oh the stories. Imma live alone forever.Redditor u/epic-yolo-swag wanted everyone to unload about the worst choices we've all made by deciding to share a home by asking..... Redditors, what is your roommate horror story?
College Fienddisgusted new girl GIF Giphy
In college, I had a strange suite mate who kept a Tupperware container in the corner on the floor of our shower.
One day, my roommate (who was my childhood best friend) came into our room from the bathroom all distressed. She had stepped on the container and it came open. It was apparently full of dirty underwear. For some reason, the first thing out of my mouth was, "They aren't mine, are they?" Her reply, "No. I checked." lol. Apparently, we both got the same weird underwear-stealing vibe!
While on Tour
Lived with two very bogan girls for about 4 months. Went away on tour for a few weeks, came back to find the house trashed, all their stuff gone and most of my kitchen appliances missing as well. They still owed about $600 in rent between them as well.
Four years later I'm at a pub with some friends and this big footballer-type dude I'd never met comes up to me and grabs me by the neck, yelling about how I used to hit his sister. Turns out he was the brother of one of the girls that did a runner and before she moved out she'd been showing up at home with the occasional black eye and bruises from her new boyfriend. But so her family wouldn't hate her new man that was touching her up, she told them it was me.
I eventually settled it out with the brother and he apologized, turns out when I was away on tour he and his footy team all showed up to the house and were planning to belt me up. When I wasn't there they decided to trash the house and break/steal a bunch of my stuff.
She stole my underwear (she was at least 4 sizes larger then me), gave her boyfriend a key to our apartment and he would stay there 6 nights a week and not contribute to rent. On the night her boyfriend was not there she would bring random guys home and cheat on her boyfriend with them, LOUDLY. She'd complain I "never took out the trash" because I found it pointless to do it once a day when there was maybe 3 things in it.
Would put dead stink bugs in my coffee water tank, and when she moved out locked her bedroom door and left her sink running for 3 days until I was finally able to get it open to find her bathroom flooded. She also talked so much crap about me to my boss at the time (who happened to be a family friend of hers).I had no choice but to quit a find a better job because she cut my hours. What a gem.
Uni HellLook Whos Talking Now Reaction GIF Giphy
First year of University in halls, one of my flatmates would:
-use a tray in the oven that had holes in it so any fat or oil would drip onto the oven not clean it up and there would almost be a fire everytime anyone else tried to use the oven if they forgot to clean it because he never cleaned up after himself, he even tried to blame it on other people when we caught him doing it multiple times (one of our other flatmates was a vegan so she basically didn't use the oven the whole year because of it).
-he would have his Iphone alarm going off for hours in the morning (used to start at 4am-8am).
-invite people round at like 2am and they would be screaming and shouting (on multiple occasions I had to leave my room to tell them to be quiet).
This is more of an annoyance than a horror story. My roommate had people stay with her for several days to two weeks, about once a month. She also ran her tutoring business from the house. Unfortunately, we didn't have a guest room, and my roommate didn't want these people in her room for some reason, so these guests stayed in the living room.
As a result, it was impractical for me or the third roommate to use the living room and sometimes the kitchen. Apparently the area outside my bedroom door was a particularly comfortable sleeping space, and people lack common sense. It got really annoying having to check for and step over a sleeping person if I came home late at night.
The worst was when her parents stayed over. Her father was old-school Chinese and expected women to do all the housework. He constantly left the toilet seat up, and he dribbled pee around the toilet. My roommate wouldn't do anything about it, on the grounds that he was old and set in his ways.
I talked to him and his wife about it, and my roommate blew up at me for embarrassing her dad. They stayed with us rent-free for 3 weeks. Also, my roommate and her family all throw toilet paper in the bin instead of flushing it, even though the pipes in America are fine, so the bathroom was extra gross. After that, I never lived with roommates again.
I once lived with 3 guys in a house. There was what I called a "pee ring" around the toilet. As there was dust elsewhere. But the pee would mix with the dust to form this ring around the base of the toilet.
They'd also play garbage Jenga. If it toppled over usually that person would take it out. Sometimes said person was too lazy and would let it topple.
For the next person who had it topple over a 2nd time to take it out. The kitchen sink was always filled with moldy dishes and food. The kitchen counter the same. The stove top had dirty pots and the oven had dirty pans. We had lots of fruit flies, mice and mold.
Given a history of extensively crappy roommates, my freshman year roommate was bonkers. Upon moving in together, he found out a was into coffee and (in what I assumed was a joke) brought up starting a coffee shop in our dorm room. Two days later he informs me that he already has investors and he spent over a grand of start-up money to buy blenders, espresso machines, etc. We never used any of them. He was an ex Taekwondo teacher with some anger management issues which was always concerning.
One time he had sex with some random girl at like 3 am, while i was sleeping in the room. He bought a legit blow dart gun and would shoot it at our door without warning, so I always had to knock multiple times before entering (and it still wound up having to dodge some needles). About 3/4 of the way through the year, he started working at a hotel and blowing off his classes, eventually, he bought a house with someone from the hotel and proceeded to live there all while still paying tuition.
Our collective friend group got super worried about him since he wouldn't show up to classes or our dorm for multiple weeks at a time. One day he just showed up, grabbed all his stuff from our room, and said he was moving out but had paid room and board for the rest of the year, so I got a single room for the rest of the year for free. All in all, not a bad deal.
Oh boy, let me share the tale of Crazy Italian Guy (CIG)
Let's get in the mood, shall we? We were 7 people in a house, in rooms where you could barely fit a bed (2×1m) and 1 kitchen, so no escape.
CIG was always kind of messy/loud. But i mean, you manage right?
One day I come home from work. Stop by the kitchen to grab a bite. And there he was. In all his Glory. Crazy Italian Guy, sitting by the table. He glanced at me shortly with madness in is eyes and got back to his business.
I realize there's a little pile of white powder by his side. 'Ok, so the guy's doing druggs. Explains a lot' I thought, innocently. Oh no, not at all.
CIG was not doing drugs. What he WAS doing is cutting up a newspaper in an obsessive manner until it turns to actual dust. A whole newspaper. In tiny piles. For hours on end.
From that day on, my door always stayed close. I do not trust the Demonic Pasta Man.
When I was attending uni, had this one crazy roommate. She had graduated years ago but was not searching for a job or anything. She would just sit in her room all day, doing god knows what, only venturing out for groceries and, sporadically, cooking. No friends or family ever visited her, she never went anywhere.
She would also never clean anything in the apartment, not even her own dirty dishes - and proceeded to throw an angry fit at me whenever I cleaned her dishes for her (because layers of fungus in a communal kitchen). She would also get very upset whenever i put stuff on 'her' side of the countertop (which was also communal). I always wondered what became of her.
Ummmm..... Arsonist?Season 7 Nbc GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine Giphy
She set my hair on fire by waving a candle through it.
The Full Experience
Had a roommate who was fully enjoying her college experience, and I'll just leave that there with all the usual stories of how it affected us (her roommates).
Meanwhile I'm actually trying to study. She comes home after a football game and finds me in my books, sneaks up and fires one of those stadium compressed air horns directly in my left ear.
I still don't hear very well from it.
As bad as that was, I think the runner up was a week vacation everyone took. She brought a boyfriend home the night before we left and ate a bunch of seafood. They threw it in the trash and left without a thought.
What we came back to was THE most god-awful stench I've ever had to bear. Hundreds of flies, everywhere. The hate is real, y'all.
WAKE UPwake up morning GIF Giphy
One roommate always slept through his alarm, so he bought a VERY loud alarm clock that would go off until one of us would turn it off and yell at him.
I lived in a large house and had a housemate who was barely 21 and a full blown alcoholic. He was a nice enough guy when he was sober, but he was really mean when he drank. He'd destroy stuff, pick fights, stuff like that. He did stuff that he otherwise would have been arrested for, but his family was a prominent group of lawyers in the area, so he got away with the crap he did, and to some degree his parents were enabling his behavior. Eventually he caused too much destruction and my housemates and I voted to evict him.
There was also suspicion that he was getting into harder drugs like cocaine. When he was told to leave, he did as much destruction as he could to my housemates' property. He never targeted me because there was no conflict between him and I, but like I said, he was mean to the more assertive housemates. Eventually he got arrested and his parents had to come to the house to collect his stuff and apologize. I think he was actually left alone to cool his heels in jail. I just hope he got the help he needed.
Roommate 1 (nice guy) finished his bottle of peanut oil and accidentally left the empty bottle on the counter. Roommate 2 went completely nuts and started yelling. We assumed it was because she hated the mess and wanted people to throw away their stuff (which would have been fair, though a bit of an overreaction). Finally we could make out enough words to understand that she thought somebody had finished her oil.
No amount of reasoning could convince her that the full bottle in the cabinet was hers. After that, she locked salt and pepper in her room so stop others from using it as she had refilled them last. One of many tantrums... ironically, she would always tell people how chill she was and that they should be chill, too. To this day I hate the word chill.
This Brazilian idiot. Ate all my food, I'd wake up and find Brazilians passed out all over the apartment half the week, if ever I had a female friend round, he'd be in there talking about how he's Brazilian 'you know Brazil? Im from brazil, I'm Brrrrazillian'. The worst thing he did was try and claim that Brazilian pizza was better than Italian pizza. But then apparently everything Brazilian is the best in the world.
He did sleep with one of my friends, she told me he lasted 2 minutes and the first thing he said after sex was 'so, is this the first time you had sex with a Brrrazilllian?' NEVER met someone so sickeningly patriotic. Brazil was his only personality trait!
The Maggot Man!
Guy moves in to a room in a shared house with my friend. They begin to realize guy is a not so functional alcoholic. Never leaves his room, they hear him groaning and stumbling around a lot.
One day friend goes to do laundry and new guy has just finished a load in the washer. When friend goes to put his clothes in the washer he notices its full of rice. Rice that moves.
Friend screams, take his clothes out of the washer, starts hot bleaching the inside of the machine trying to get all the maggots out. The housemates go to confront the new guy in his room about the laundry maggots and see he is living in absolute filth.
Piles of clothes next to vomit puddles that have now attracted flies and maggots, bottles of pee and garbage strewn around, there is no mattress he sleeps on the floor, the wood on the floor is WARPED from all the puke on it, there is vomit in the air vent...
They ask him if he is peeing in bottles where does he poop. Apparently he was going to the nearby gas station to take dumps because he was worried the house mates would be judgmental. :(
They kick him out less then three weeks after he arrives, clean the room discovering FURTHER maggot and puke piles. They leave all his furniture in the front yard to be collected whenever, while guy stumbles off to find new digs to ruin further.
WHAT IS THAT?!!!Scream GIF by Originals Giphy
Had a sleepwalking roommate at university.
One night I woke up with him standing over my bed, his long curly hair flowing down his face... not doing anything, just standing there facing my direction.
The other time he sat on his bed in the middle of the night, shouting other roommate's name and asking "WHAT IS STANDING NEXT TO THE WINDOWS, WHAT IS THAT??!!!" and immediately laying down and sleeping calmly...we didn't close our eyes till morning came.
In a big city, expensive apartment, one evening I heard the sound of liquid in the hallway. Went to check and found a roommate peeing in the hall closet, drunk out of his mind. I told him the toilet was the next door down but he continued peeing until he was finished. The next morning I told the other roommate who then checked to find his dress shoes were 'wet'. Over breakfast, I overheard Pee-boy and Shoe-owner - both in their 30s - argue about the the pee. I moved out days later.
They would wake me up at 6am, no matter the day. They care nothing for Saturday's or Sunday's. They had their own food, yet would watch me eat mine and beg for some. Other times, just taking when I was turned away. I would wake up sometimes and find them staring at me on my bed. So unwholesome. I found their hair everywhere. Bathroom time is no longer sacred if they need something. They would stare at me as I did number 1 or 2, doesn't matter. They never paid rent.
WaterworksParis Hilton Reaction GIF Giphy
My roommate peed himself in his sleep. Every. Single. Night.
Worst part is it's four of us sleeping AND living in the same room. The smell... I wish I could forget.
He also terribly stinks from constant sweating and leaves around rotting leftover.
Sometimes you just don't have any money and you have to make it work. I learned how to make the most out of bargains at the grocery store and know how to make food that is hearty and will last more than a day or two. Beans and rice are your friends, by the way. You'd be surprised by how many delicious meals you can make with just these two basic ingredients.
Being poor requires you to be creative.
Penny pinching is an art, as we were so deftly reminded after Redditor naranja_cheese asked the online community,
"What is the most penny pinching you've ever done?"
"I used to steal..."
"I used to steal half-used rolls of tp when I was a janitor. Lived off white rice and Worcestershire sauce for months. Got a job as a cook & always saved a few scraps while plating people's food so I would have something to eat without paying for a meal. Also worked at a butcher shop& would take home bones to roast and make a stew with. I can share hundreds of things like this."
"I worked part-time..."
"I worked part-time in school, but was pretty broke. I wasn't being paid until the following day, and I needed soy sauce for my extra super tasty stir fry. I literally had negative funds in my account. So I went to the grocery store, grabbed a sushi tray, threw a ton of packets of soy sauce in my pocket (they don't charge you for these), wandered a bit, pretended I changed my mind, and left."
"While at the grocery store..."
"While at the grocery store, putting back that pack of chicken breast that cost $2.98 for the other pack of chicken breast that cost $2.95."
"Things were insanely tight..."
"Used to make my own laundry detergent during a time when we had relocated and our prior home had not sold so we had rent on top of a mortgage for 18 months. Things were insanely tight in those days, to say the least."
I definitely know what this is like.
"I took some cedar boards..."
"I had no money for Christmas gifts. I only had enough to pay rent. I took some cedar boards in the backyard, cut them, burnt them a little black as I had no money to finish them. Then I passed them off as cutting boards."
"One Friday night..."
"One Friday night in college, my two buddies and I had a grand total of $3 to our names. I bought a box of Mac 'n Cheese, a can(!) of escargot, and three Lil' Debbie Star Crunches. We had a full meal with starch, protein, and dessert."
"I lived on pasta..."
"When I was at university my entire budget was less than £40 a week. I lived on pasta and stolen sauce packets from the Students Union. The cafeteria ladies would always take pity on me at closing time and give me free burgers."
"I lost my job..."
"I lost my job and lived in a $1400/month apartment where electricity (which included heat) and internet were ludicrously expensive. $400-450 a month in the winter because the building was an old mill with huge windows and no insulation. Fortunately, gas and water were free."
"I only turned on my lights when I had to, turned off the heat entirely, and heated my apartment by boiling a huge pot of water on the gas stove 24 hours a day and going to the business center to use the free DSL connection to apply for jobs. I ate rice with frozen vegetables and spices for three months."
"It sucked, but I got by."
Hopefully things are much better now.
"If I ate fast food..."
"If I ate fast food or takeout food, I would ask for extra sauce packets or garnishes that they give out for free. I would stock up on them, use them when I cook instead of buying the stuff from the store. For example, a $1 box of pasta, a clove of garlic, and 2-3 ramekins of parm cheese, half ramekin of chili flakes, and a pinch of Italian herbs I got from a pizza place makes a quick meal."
"My local mall..."
"My local mall used to do paid surveys, you'd watch a video or try some new soda or whatever and they'd give you a couple of dollars. Then I'd use that to buy a meal."
Sometimes you've just gotta do what you've gotta do. It's not easy.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Now, this isn't going to be a long, "Let's all pile on how bad the internet is and only think about the good ol' days when the rocks were soft and we could only communicate using cans with string."
People old enough to remember life pre-Internet, what are some less obvious things you miss about that time?
Many habits we used to possess were made completely irrelevant thanks to the internet. Not that we didn't enjoy doing them, we just started asking ourselves, "What's the point?"
Completely Devoid Of Technological Interference
"Leaving home and just being gone for the day. No cell phones. If there were cameras, it was really different. You used them to take pictures of things or had people take pictures of you. But there was no social media to preoccupy your mind. It was just doing something. And whoever you were with, was who you were with."
No One Needs 24 Hours Of Nonsense
"News only being on at 6pm. That was it. Now we have 6 hours of local news and 24 hours of cable news. Not being bombarded all day with "news." And when you saw "Breaking News" on the screen you knew something serious went down."
You Mean We Actually Have To Go?
"It used to be a lot harder to bail on things. You'd have to call the person at home and tell them yourself, or at least leave a message if you wanted to be risky. Typically if you were gonna bail you'd give at least 24 hours notice. Nowadays people can let you know they're bailing last second since you're always reachable."
"RSVPing mattered. If you said you were going to be there, you made sure to be there. None of this facebook invites that everyone blows off without any form of social repercussions. If you said you were going to go and didn't go, you were the a--hole and everyone knew it."
You can get almost anything on the internet. Almost. Still no sign of real working Lightsabers anywhere out there, but the internet has eliminated many of our purchasing practices.
Just In Time For The Holidays!
"The Sears catalog. That was how I found out about all the cool new toys."
"Catalogs in general, for me. Before the internet made mindless browsing of stuff you didn't need ~really~ easy to do, we still liked doing this without having to drive to the mall. The solution? Sign your mom up for those cool seed catalogs, those not safe to browse at the office gag gift catalogs and then everything in between. That stuff was really nice to have when you grew up somewhere that was not even cable ready."
1 Good Song Out Of 15
"When you bought new music you just had to hope it was good. The single might be popular but otherwise unless someone had it you just bought it and hoped for the best."
"There was so much excitement to going to a cd store to buy an album that you only knew one song of or the band/artist name and just listening to that entire cd over and over again picking out which tracks were your favorite while still learning every lyric to all the songs on the album.
Building a cd collection was also fun."
Talk About The "Immediate Gratification" Generation, Huh?
"The instant win bottle caps / candy / chocolate bar wrappers where you could turn them back into the store and immediately get a free one. Now it's just codes you have to register on their website so they can get your info, i don't even bother anymore."
Finally, there's these activities, to difficult to explain to anyone who wasn't there. How do you get someone to understand that not having a supercomputer in your pocket at all hours of the day radically changed your life?
Keeping It In Front Of You
"I miss having an attention span of more than three seconds"
"It's so weird. I can only vaguely remember what it feels like to not have a smartphone and to be alone and think.
Wondering what my friends are doing and if they'd like to do something on the weekend. We'd have to talk during lunch break at school and plan it...
Trying to find the answer to a math problem... Having to figure it out by re-reading the problem and explanations 5 times."
There Used To Be A Time When You Couldn't Play Everything
"Not being overwhelmed by choice.
Don't get me wrong, having nearly every form of media downloadable is great, but back in the day, i rented a video game and i played that video game as much as i could.
Now, its hard to give it more than 2 seconds before i try one of the 20,000 games i have access to.
New game plus used to be cool. Now, I'm happy if just beat the game"
Floundering. Just A Little.
"My formative years were the 1980s. I remember like yesterday going to study in Paris my junior year of college. I got off the plane with no cell phone, no internet, a Let's Go Paris book, and just a hostel address written on a piece of paper I'd stuck in a French dictionary. I did not know a single person in all of France.
I had $500 of cash stuck in a money belt. The belt was tight and sweaty but that money had to last me for at least a month until I could find a part-time job with my lousy French. My "credit card" was my father's credit card numbers written down on a piece of paper. He told me I could only use it to buy a plane ticket home in an emergency.
I remember standing in the airport and having this powerful emotion of being 21 years old, scared sh-tless, but in absolutely completely control of my own destiny. There was absolutely nobody who could come rushing to my aid if I needed it. I was 100% on my own.
I'm actually very thankful for that experience. I found the hostel. I found a job. I made friends. I learned French. I made it all on my own which was just a big boost in life confidence.
I have no doubt if I'd had a cell phone I would've called my parents on Day 2, told them it was too hard, and been on the next plane home. But I had no other choice but to succeed."
We can never go back. Not really, anyway. The only way is to keep going forward, be aware of the effect the internet has on us, and do our best to not let it take away the things that really matter in our lives.
Look, unless you enjoy cooking, no one likes spending time in the kitchen longer than they have to in order to whip up something mediocre to eat.
Ordering food or, for the time being, enjoying a socially distanced lunch at an establishment is convenient, but it can take a toll on your wallet.
So what options are there?
Fortunately, there are plenty of them that do not involve nuking a frozen entree.
"What's your go-to under 5 minute meal?"
These dinner selections are super sufficient.
A Loaded Course
"Two hotdogs and a side of judgement from my fiancé"
In Case You Didn't Know
"Quesadilla. super quick and easy to make and there's a ton of ingredients that you can add without much effort that will make it even better."
"Ramen and an egg, but not the traditional way."
- "Boil roughly half an inch of water (we want just enough water to boil the noodles, with very little water left over when it's done boiling)."
- "Smash up the ramen noodles, while still in the package (optional but cooks MUCH faster)."
- "Open the package and remove the seasoning."
- "Dump the noodles in."
- "While boiling, crack an egg and whisk in a small bowl."
- "Noodles should be done and almost all the water should be gone, if not strain out some.
- Remove from the heat."
- "Slowly pour in the egg while mixing very quickly, try not to let the egg touch the pan."
- "Mix as much of the seasoning packet as you like (I prefer 1/2 - 3/4 because I usually add a salty component at the end.)"
- "Add to bowl and top with some chives, thinly sliced, ripped up ham/salami and/or parsley. Leftover bacon or pancetta are fantastic crunchy components to dial up the texture."
"Easy, fast and checks so many of the 'munchie' boxes for me."
Don't Underestimate Soups
"Tomato soup and add tortellini. I like the spinach ones from Trader Joe's and Progreso creamy tomato with basil. It's bomb and it really makes a decent meal."
For people in a rush, these tasty snacks would suffice.
Goes Well With Veggies And Cheese
"Hummus is such an underrated food. It goes well with a lot of veggies and breads and chips or heck even cheese. All the time I hear hummus being listed as one of those weird, gross foods when its actually an amazing snack, or a meal if done correctly. It's not really unhealthy, either, especially if eaten with veggies (celery and carrots go great with hummus)."
Ready In Seconds
"All I do is get a paper towel, and put 5 Oreos on it."
"Then go back and get the whole package."
Peanut Butter Fantasies
"Peanut butter sandwich."
"If I'm feeling extra froggy I'll add nutella to the peanut butter and honey sandwich and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. Goes down about as well as a popeye's biscuit though."
"It's like cheating the system. You eat sweets and call it healthy."
Start your day without all the hassle of a fancy breakfast.
Put It In A Bowl
"Oatmeal or cereal."
"Cereal is definitely underrated as a meal outside of the breakfast dynamic."
"A very simple recipe my grandma prepared for me when i was a kid."
"It's basically scrambled eggs...but before adding the egg she would cook sweetcorn (from a can) with a little bit of butter, add the eggs and then when the eggs were almost ready, add small cubes of cheese and cook for a minute or until the cheese start to melt (she was using fontal, but any swiss or white cheddar will do). Just a little black pepper and salt."
"Takes 5 minutes to do but it's absolutely delicious, fill you up, not so unhealthy and I feel my late grandma with me."
'I tried variations with chives or spring onions, paprika or other stuff. Still good but nothing as good as a simple "uova strapazzate con mais e formaggio.'"
I consider yogurt a healthy snack/lunch option.
I like having a bowl of non-fat plain Greek yogurt with raspberries, blueberries, sprinkled with granola and drizzled with honey.
It's packed with nutrients and gives me a nice boost of energy.
Yogurt also makes for a perfect chip dip. I sprinkle some onion soup mix and stir in the mixture. Who knew quick and easy food prep could be so delicious?
We all like to assume that a big old scar has an amazing, hardcore story behind it: maybe a valiant fight or some life threatening-escape.
But despite what Hollywood would have us think, that is so rarely the case.
Usually, some kind of bizarre accident leaves us with the biggest scar of our life. There's no action movie story behind it, just a careful mixture of foolishness and bad luck.
Clearly not put off by some gruesome anecdotes, Redditor fluffybear45 asked:
"People with scars, how did you get them?"
For many, it was the wild antics of childhood that left them slightly maimed. With many years now separating the Redditor from the event, these were pretty hilarious.
Out of Nowhere!
"I was playing on a swing and then my leg got stuck in barbed wire." -- Soviet_God-Emperor
"I feel like we missed a couple steps here, or your local park had some serious issues." -- Henfrid
"Yo that went from 0 to 100 real fast" -- IHaveButt
"2nd grade, defective slip-n-slide." -- AdmiralAkbar1
"I'm pretty sure the general design of the slip'n'slide was defective. Those stakes weren't covered originally, so you had to be straight down the middle of the slide or else....." -- Q-burt
"Could you refer to this incident in a gravely voice while staring into the middle distance, pausing only to shudder and sip your scotch?" -- CaptValentine
That's Why You Need an Axe Yard
"My dad hit me with an axe (bladed side) in the face. Stupid 10 yo me just had to look over his shoulder while he was hammering in herrings for our tent."
Others talked about freak accidents that came not from the stupidity of childhood, but the bad luck of mistakes made as an adult.
Bad Conditions for Practice
"Dad gave me a folding knife for Christmas"
"I read online that you could flick it open with one hand"
"So I practiced it, after my hands were greasy from eating a burger"
Take Your Pick
"Multiple long scars on my back are from falling onto a old soviet steel welcome mat ( i dont know how to describe it in english but its meant to wipe dirt of your shoes with triangle shaped steel beams."
"Medium sized one on my forearm is from a barbed wire fence, another one next to it is from a motorcycle accident and one on the base on my thumb is from a cars hood slipping and cutting me."
One Heck Of a Fall
" 'This one is from a skateboard, this one was a truck accident, and this one was a fire hydrant.' "
" 'Oh really? I bet each one has a very unique story.' "
" 'Not really, I skateboarded off of a truck into a fire hydrant.' "
Last, some people talked about the medical procedures that left them with the big gash. These stories had some ninth grade words and not nearly as much stupidity.
"A rare auto immune disorder called pyoderma gangrenosum twice... Don't google If you don't like gore... I had to have daily wound care and high doses of medical steroids"
"My intestines telescoped on themselves 8" scar on my belly." -- Anom8675309
"I never wanted to see the words 'intestines' and 'telescoped' together. Ouch." -- LadySygerrik
"I was born 2 months premature. I wasn't born with an esophagus so drs. cut my stomach open and used parts of my colon or intestines and created a new one for me. I have a huge scar on my neck and my stomach is one big scar. Also had a stomach feeding tube for quite a bit and heart surgery at 2 days old."
"I love science. I wouldn't have experienced life if it hadn't been for advances in medical science."
So if you've been sitting on an embarrassing backstory for one of your scars, feel free to share. You're hardly alone.