People Reveal The Worst Situation They Were Forced Into By Their Parents
Parents are supposed to have our best interests at heart but that is definitely not always the case. From poison ivy sandwiches and forced play dates, to ignoring allergies and forcing kids to watch loved ones suffer, some parents really get it wrong.
burneraccount1000000 asked: What was the genuinely worst experience that you were ever forced into by parents or friends?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
My mother would read Rodale Press organic living type magazines in the 1960's. And decided that she would try to make her children immune to poison ivy. This involves having us eat poison ivy sandwiches.
"Don't chew it, just swallow."
My 5 year old sister almost died from a swollen throat. Hospital, shots, IV's. The doctor was aghast that anyone could be that insane. Dad was so angry he could not speak.
My older sister and I are still allergic to poison ivy.
I'm glad your sister survived, what a nightmare... Did one of the magazines suggest this idea or was it your own mother's invention?
Magazine article. This sort of bullsh*t was not invented by the new agey yoga moms of the 21st century.
When kids are forced to be friends with you and vice versa.
My mom was more insecure about me not having friends than I was myself. If I didn't have playdate lined up each weekend, she would force me to call kids in my class who I didn't get along with and 9/10 they'd say they were busy. Some would even confront me at school on Monday and say "Why the hell did you call me?"
Being forced into social situations never turn out good.
I was friends with a girl throughout middle and high school whose crazy mother made her "Friend Business Cards" and made her pass them out in 8th grade.
I guess she was struggling to make friends and the business cards had her phone number and a little bio on them. She passed them out because her mom would count them to make sure she gave some away. You could tell she was humiliated to do it.
My stepmother became friends with her mother through church and tried to start the same sh*t. I was new at the school and the first friend I made, my stepmom immediately got on Facebook, found out the girl lived with her grandmother and started asking her unprompted personal questions about my friend, including sh!t like asking why her parents weren't in the picture. I hadn't even added the girl yet and my stepmom Facebook stalked her and harassed her grandmother.
The next day the girl told me I was weird and I got angry at my stepmom who got angry at the grandmother because, "What senior aged adult tells their 8th grade granddaughter about their adult conversations?"
I don't know, probably one that doesn't want her grandchild hanging out with a kid whose parent is a f*cking creep?
Kitties are smart and snakes are awesome.
Parents wanted me to get over my fear of snakes so they made me hold a giant python at an interactive aquatic show in Silver Springs, Florida. Nightmares!
As an adult, my cat Pinky would bring me live garden snakes and gently put them in my hand. That worked.
My husband (boyfriend at the time) thought he could get me over my fear of heights by taking me to a heights themed amusement park. I handled the first ride with only moderate shakes/sweats.
But then I got stuck at the top of a child's rock wall shaking and crying. The seventeen year old park attendant had to climb up and yank me off the wall, the whole time apologizing "I'm so sorry ma'am but it's policy I have to pull you down" (MA'AM. This was recent. I was 29. I still am 29).
He finally understood what I meant when I said "I'm afraid of heights."
Watching a loved one not be allowed to die with dignity.
My grandmother died over the course of a single summer of cancer. By the time the end came it was in her lungs, bones and brain. She was completely bald and was legitimately nothing but skin and bones. She weighed 80 lbs. She was also nearly paralyzed by the pain her body was in and couldn't move on her own. Since there was nothing that could be done for her but keep her on pain-killers, a bed was put in my grandparents living room. Since the cancer was in her brain she gradually lost the ability to effectively communicate and would scream and cry like a newborn when she needing something. Sometimes, she would forget who she was and where she was and she would just scream incoherently because she was scared.
My mother and aunts volunteered to try and care for her as best they could. Instead of finding someone else to watch me over the summer, I spent every day, all day in the living room watching my grandmother die and turn into a shell of a human being. She didn't know who we were most of the time and she started calling me 'the one that wouldn't shut up' whenever she was cognitive enough to speak. I was there when she breathed her last breath at 2 am in the morning and when the funeral director rolled up to take her body out of the house. I was 7. I'd even go so far as to say I am traumatized by that entire experience. Every time I mention that to my parents I get shrugged off. It's one of the reasons I personally agree with physician assisted death - I never want my family to witness me go out like that. That was the worst experience my family ever forced me to endure.
Man, I recently went to visit my grandmother who was a couple days away from dying and was in not much of a better state than what you described. I walked into the room and was so shocked that my heart skipped a beat. I've never seen a person in that kind of condition and it was so difficult to look at her. I turned right around and told my teenage daughter to wait in the other room while I said goodbye to grandma. I didn't want her to see. It was extremely difficult for me to see her like that and I didn't want my daughter having that image in her mind. I can't imagine making my seven year old experience that day after day.
Euthanasia is humane. F*ck anybody who disagrees with me on that one.
I am terrified of heights. I can't hardly get up on a chair to change a light without shaking. When I was maybe 10 my friend invited me to 6 flags, which if you haven't heard of it is mostly roller coasters.
I declined but my friend was being taken by her dad who insisted she take a friend and wouldn't take no for an answer. Her parents were divorced and her dad was ultra wealthy so he was one of those "I'll buy my kids from that b!tch of an ex wife" kinda parents.
After a few hours of them going on rides together I guess the dad got fed up that I wasn't having a good time (I never said that) because I wouldn't ride the rides so he forces me into line for some unreasonable roller coaster, where your feet dangle and you flip upside down and all that. And I'm trying to tell him no I don't want to but he just ignores me.
After a while I broke down and just started to cry because I was so scared and upset. I kept yelling I don't wanna go, please don't make me go and he was indifferent to my pleas. Luckily some probably seriously underpaid teenage line attendant in an orange vest stood me against the "you must be this tall to ride" board and decided I was too short. I was tall enough, but the guy knew I was freaking out and did me a solid. Threatened to remove all 3 of us from the park if he didn't leave.
Tldr; friends dad tried to force me on a roller coaster and I cried because I was so scared, so the ride attendant refused to let me on.
Roller coaster attendant was a bro.
Kids are not free labor.
Mom made me hang out with her friends kid that was autistic to hell and back. She said that she would babysit him while her friend went to work, but my mom would just make me watch him. I had to change and feed him even though he was an extremely picky eater, I was 10 and he was 14. She would yell at me if he made a mess or had a meltdown, like I could control it. She was paid $250 a week and I didn't get sh*t but head aches and bruises.
Don't feel bad if you eventually put her in an elderly care home and then can't visit for whatever reason. Sounds like she's cool with outsourcing the care of loved ones.
Well, not me, but my sister. Our parents were getting divorced, and we were over at his place for visitation on Sunday. After we went to church, we went amd bought what we thought was a chocolate cake. Now, my little sister has a severe, life threatening peanut allergy. After a few bites of the cake, she said that her throat was itching/swelling. My brother and I immediately told her to stop eating it, but my Dad ACTIVELY ENCOURAGED her to continue eating it. After we had finally convinced her to stop, she should have been taken to the ER immediately. Instead, he gives her Benadryl, and makes her wait for a good 10-15 minutes.
All while she is swelling and itching, and its getting harder to breathe. He finally takes her to the hospital after she throws up (which is a sign of internal swelling,? I think) She almost died, and my Mom was so mad when she came to the hospital. All I remember about that car ride to the hospital was thinking that my little sister was going to die, and basically watching her suffocate in front of me. He also did something similar to my brother, but it wasn't life threatening.
What is it with parents in this thread forcing their kids to eat things that'll kill them? How could anyone think that this kind of ghetto desensibilization with no medical supervision is a good idea?
So much for "Dr. Mom."
Mother acted out her resentment at Dad's allergies by exposing me to all of his allergens after they split up. When I complained about symptoms similar to what he had been going to an allergist to treat, she bellowed You don't have any allergies! I couldn't really protest more because she had never taken me to a doctor to get tested.
Fast forward: the separation turned into divorce, I moved in with Dad, finally got medical treatment and (no surprise) needed prescription medication and allergy shots. Then in my late teens the allergies turn life threatening. I'm stuck for life on a restricted diet because there's no clinical research for treatment of these specific allergies.
There's no way to prove direct cause and effect, but allergies are known to worsen with repeated uncontrolled exposures so it's definitely possible that Mom's decisions are why things got this bad. Incidentally she used to slip allergens into Dad's stuff without his knowledge behind his back and I'm 99% sure she did the same to me whenever I visited her even after Dad got me proper medical treatment. It's an ugly rabbit hole what motivates her to do that, but the bottom line is she can't be trusted. It's one of the reasons I stopped talking to her. If there's a silver lining, it's the experience taught me to stand up for myself whenever ignorant people try to second guess properly trained doctors.
Damn, what are you allergic to to be on a restricted diet for the rest of your life?
I have anaphylactic Oral Allergy Syndrome. It's a rare life threatening manifestation of a type of allergy that's mild in most cases. It's as serious as a peanut allergy except in my case it's caused by a wide variety of fresh fruit.
This isn't covered under federal food labeling law and the FDA chooses not to regulate it (they could require specifying my allergens by name in the fine print but they've chosen not to). So any food that reads natural flavors or natural colorson the label could contain my allergens and cause a medical emergency. My allergens aren't covered in food service allergy safety training either. So I have to make nearly everything I eat from scratch and at home.
It's been a real problem when I check into hospitals for unrelated reasons (sports injury etc.) because this diagnosis isn't taught outside of medical schools: the M.D.s recognize the diganosis and write up appropriate orders, which the kitchen staff and the nurses ignore because their training doesn't cover this and they mistake me for a picky eater. It's resulted in close calls after major surgery when they roll in an off-limits meal while I'm recovering from anesthesia and on morphine.
When you're constantly forced to babysit.
Honestly, it was a series of things my parents did. Any time we went to a function or party I was stuck babysitting not only my little sister but all of my parents' friend group's kids. If I took my eye off them to do something boom pressure point and talk about being responsible. This happened for literally every party they dragged me too. I hate going to parties when small children are there because it feels like I have to always keep an eye on them or else.
This is even more awful, when there is gender stereotyping going on. Like you are the oldest girl cousin, and so you have to watch all the younger ones while the male cousins older than you can enjoy the party.
What a waste of time.
It would have to be the three day 8 hour long church convention while wearing a suit....thankfully my parents soon gave up on trying to make me a Jehovah's Witnesse
Yeah... those were very tiring. All the same information every day, every year. I eventually stopped going.
Oh geez, the three day circuit assemblies. I remember these. So painfully boring... sitting there taking notes and pretending like I wasn't dat dreaming like all the other thousands of people.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattzget out GIFGiphy
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswersof montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphy
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I DoShocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"Are you married?"
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Room TemperatureFrosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
DiscoveryBlown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
EssentialsTell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.