They're called exes for a reason. Before you think about taking your ex back, take a second to reflect on all of the reasons why you left them in the first place. Everything happens for a reason, and for these Redditors, the reasons are abundantly clear.
Kindaherekindanot asked: Why is your ex an ex?
50. A complete lack of empathy doesn't make for a good partner.
"I was in the emergency room with kidney stones (didn't know it was kidney stones at the time, just knew I was in the most pain I'd ever been in). She got pissed because "you're not paying attention to me." Seriously, I'm in an emergency room hooked up to an IV with pain killers flowing through me, at this point I'm half conscious 'cause of the morphine, and apparently I'm a piece of s**t for not paying attention to her.
It came to a head when I asked her to get a nurse because something didn't feel right (they had gave me something I was allergic to and I was starting to have an allergic reaction). She said, "Fine, I'll just be your babysitter." At that point I just told her to go home, that her negativity was making me feel worse. She threw a fit, and left in a rage.
Next day I didn't even call her for a ride back home when I got out of the hospital, I called my aunt and had her drive me home. The moment I got home I started packing. If you have to be the center of attention and can't feel any empathy whatsoever while I'm in the goddamn emergency room, you're a garbage human I don't want anything to do with."
49. How about no.Giphy
"Been married 18 years, so my ex was an ex from about 23 years ago.
Reason he's my ex? Got my "friend" preggers, when I confronted him he suggested we stay together and have threesomes. Yeah... Nope."
48. Holy crap.
When I was nearly robbed. Before the story came out she said damn I didn't know that your great great grandparents medals were stolen. She hired two guys to rob me 'cause I told her my brother was having an serious asthma attack and I'll be at the hospital. She wanted to show me that she found the medals."
47. Was it ever fun though?
"Someone I dated for a month or two. Started talking about marriage and having kids after the third or fourth date. Would call me in the middle of the night because she needed help with something that any fully functional adult should be able to do by themselves, i.e. stuff like lifting a 10 lbs object from the floor and placing it on a counter. Finally broke it off when she told me I'm gonna have to cut any and all ties to one of my best friends because I'm not allowed to talk to other girls now that we're dating.
She ended up stalking me for like six months, threatened to a) kill me in my sleep or b) walk up to the police and tell them I had assaulted her (Glad she typed that out in detail so I could just easily screencap everything in case I ever needed the evidence), called me at 4 AM multiple times after getting faced at a bar and when I'd switch my phone off, she'd send me 80+ messages that usually evolved from trying to guilt trip me to take her back into borderline psychotic ranting and empty threats. She eventually screwed some old dude, got an STD, and claimed it was my fault because I had forced her to do that by not wanting to be with her.
So that was fun while it lasted."
46. DEAL. BREAKER.Giphy
"Because he wouldn't shut up and talked all the way through Monty Python's The Meaning of Life."
45. .....sneeze fetish?
"He had a sneeze fetish that he obsessed unhealthily over. In my sleep he'd ball up cat hair and try to put it into my nose. I didn't know he was doing this to me until I had a nasty sinus infection and had my sinus flooded out at urgent care. Out came small balls of cat hair.
The final straw was cheating on me with a girl who had a bigger nose than me. She was his ex and he just couldn't get over that nose despite the fact she was literally psychotic.
They were perfect for each other. Not my loss. But my mistake ever trying to be tolerant and understanding of him.
Makes great material for the biography I'll never write."
44. Absolutely not.
"He threatened suicide every few weeks."
He constantly performed "tests" on me to see if I loved him enough or that I could be trusted. I always failed them.
He would demand I stay up on the phone almost every night until 1am or later listening, not TALKING, to him. I would be expected to stay awake and listen to his rambling anecdotes for hours silently. If I spoke, I'd make him lose his train of thought.
If I fell asleep, I got screamed at or a day of the cold shoulder.
These are just a few examples.
I was a young teenager who got sucked into a cycle of psychological abuse for a few years.
I'm fine now for the most part."
43. A heartbreaker AND a racist.
"He thought people finding out he was dating an Asian-American would be embarrassing.
So bullet dodged but I wish I could say I was the one who decided that."
42. The dog seals the deal for this break-up.Giphy
"He had his mom texted me to break up with me just before a big vacation we were going to take together. We were both adults.
Also his dog was extremely aggressive towards me (but I would be too if I hadn't been walked in two weeks)."
41. Now was it blood, or was it ketchup?
"She stabbed me during an argument about whether ketchup should be kept in the fridge or the pantry."
40. Good for this person for getting help.
"He broke up with me for a reason that didn't make sense.
8 months later I realized it was because I was getting help for my depression and becoming more independent and not letting him control me. He didn't like the fact that he didn't own me anymore and having me as a play toy wasn't fun for him anymore.
Months after we broke up was when I realized he had been emotionally and verbally abusing me for years."
39. Bullet dodged, indeed.
"Because he wanted to start selling drugs to his friends.
We've been living together for maybe 3 years, and I didn't agree to this idea, at all. But the thing is, his business started to grow way too fast, and I got tired. So tired that one day, after I saw the stash, I decided I wanted to live on my own. And he dumped me for that, but I only heard the big new the day after, when he invited his ex over at our apartment while I was working. OH WELL, big bullet dodged, because a week after I left, he got busted and now has a criminal record.
But hey, I'm finally over with these years of toxicity. And I got to keep the doggo, and this big old boi is the love of my life, no doubt."
38. The whole package.Giphy
"Found out I really didn't know him until we married and moved in together
- Was a mama's boy.
- Told me "you're my wife, you do what I tell you".
- Couldn't make decisions on anything.
- Couldn't keep a job.
- All talk no action when it came to work.
- Criticized me constantly, especially in front of others.
- Sex was bad."
37. An uncommon problem to have.
"Because his penis was too big!
No joke! Legit, too big. It hurt, way too much. I tried to bear it for a while hoping it didn't get better. I started avoiding spending time with him so I could avoid sex. Realized that wasn't fair and broke it off. Weirdest breakup ever, but we're still good friends. Kind of a pro and con situation for him."
36. There is so much wrong with this.
"Cheated on me, then blamed the guys death on me (he died in a motorcycle crash at speeds 200+km/h) he was at her place and I surprised her by showing up unexpectedly and he left out the back door.
Accused me of having incestuous relationship with my mother and sister when I would choose to spend time with them instead of her.
She also was physically and emotionally abusive. Just an all around horrible woman that broke me and gave me long lasting trust issues.
This was almost 12 years ago now, and the affects are still present, even after therapy. She was my first love I guess, she was the first sexual partner, looking back at it I should have listened to her father when he said I should run.
35. OKCupid Kills.
My friend sent me a screenshot of the secret OKCupid profile saying he was looking for flings. I truly feel blessed knowing my friends are so solidly in my corner. pm_me_cool_maps
34. Time to Make a Change.Giphy
Said she wanted a change.... coincidentally at the same time that I finished paying for her college. CarlosAVP
I have a friend this happened to, twice (the same guy). Just sad. Plinthastic
33. So Far Away....
Neither of us wanted to relocate coasts. It's boring but true. I wish her the best in life. She was awesome. TNinLosAngeles
This happened to me. We had a great relationship but I was moving to England and he didn't want to come — just not part of his plan. It was mutual and I still love him as a human, and we still talk. verymerry19
32. Asexually Yours....
We dated for about 6 years, and I thought things were going quite well. When we started dating, she thought she was asexual and so sex wasn't really a main focus in our relationship, which wasn't a dealbreaker for me so I rolled with it.
About a month or two before we broke up, I could feel some distance being forged between us. At first I chalked it up to her being busy with a new job and family obligations - but more and more she would reference one of her coworkers. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me, but I trusted her completely, so I didn't tell her not to talk to him or anything, and she reassured me that there was nothing going on between them.
Well, one night we're talking over messenger and our conversation took a pretty serious turn where she basically admitted to me that she didn't think she was as asexual as she thought she was, and that she didn't find me appealing in that way at all. It devastated me, but I ultimately accepted it. Naturally, I asked if her coworker had any role in her decision to breakup, which she was adamant that he didn't.
Not even two weeks later, I find out that the two of them started dating, which really made me go into a deep depression. I'm happy to say that it's been a little over a year since then, and I've lost over 130 pounds (and am finally at a healthy weight for the first time in my adult life), my social life is the best it's ever been, I got my degree, and have an excellent new job. At one point I thought my life was over, and in some regards, I was right - my life as I had known it was over - but my new life is so much better. JustAverageTemp
31. Cheater. Cheater.
4 years never cheated. She cheated twice. Nobody's perfect excuse, I have problems too.
I'd work all day to pay bills, she brought a homeless guy home. Let him live in our house while I worked without my knowing. Ate my food, played my games, banged my lady while I paid for it all.
Months later attempt to rekindle the flame, goes sour. A week later "Im pregnant" text. lots of long nights and deep thinking about life. Accept that i must be a father to my child. Another week passes "Its not actually your's it's (homeless guys). I just thought you would be a good dad."
Bye Felicia. jnmwr
30. Jurassic Beliefs.Giphy
She didn't believe in dinosaurs. moreberriesthanyou
"Stop telling people I don't believe dinosaurs exist, because I wouldn't wear the stupid t-rex costume in the bedroom!" Pope_Beenadick
She hit me with a car. Yeah it's been a few years. Life moves on :) greyz3n
28. The Depressed.
You can't always stick two severely mentally ill people in a relationship and expect it to work out great.
Edit: Thanks everyone. My ex is not a bad person, just horribly depressed. i-ride-dragons
27. Come to the Cabaret....
She didn't want to commit, but she didn't want to be alone. She liked to pretend that she didn't need my company, and that life was a cabaret, but she did, and it really wasn't for her. Something in her was afraid of getting too close. I just got tired of it. Tall_Mickey
26. Just There.
I was just someone convenient for her. We were coworkers.
We used to talk a lot and clicked when it came to sense of humor and goofing around. To quickly became good friends and then started dating. I was giving her genuine affection without an ulterior motive. Her family constantly put her down and and was two-faced when it came to being nice. I was the counter to that. I was the escape.
I finished my degree and moved with her four hours away. It was close enough to visit if we wanted but too far for her family to drop by unannounced. We finally had a calm life away from the stress and strife that her family caused.
Then after she had her calm life she no longer needed her escape and couldn't ignore the fact that she never actually wanted me as a person. She only wanted what I represented; what I no longer needed to provide. So she started cheating on me with someone who she was actually attracted to behind my back and his wife's back. Seven years, gone. Zediac
25. We're Not It.
He wanted to date someone exactly like him, and I couldn't be that person. He made me feel guilty for not enjoying everything he enjoyed. If he hadn't ended things, I was going to. We just weren't compatible. M0u53trap
24. Back Home.
Diagnosed with ADHD, early signs of dementia, hypothyroidism and polycistic ovarian syndrome. She had to go back to her country to focus on her treatment and therapy, but we still talk to each other sometimes. Sucks cause she was the best person I've ever met. podente
23. Forever Ex.
This was the worst one. We were in a long distance relationship. It wasn't working out for him though so he broke up with me. We still kept daily contact however. When he came back to visit (my city is his home), he told me that he missed me and so we hung out the entire week he was there, had sex and all that. I was pretty sure we were going to make it work and get back together (that's what I was hoping) Turns out, when he went back to his other country, I found out by luck that he was actually in a relationship with another girl. So yeah... he cheated on her with me...
The best part? This was a girl that I had some red flags up on when we were still together and he was actually dating her while we were still together. Yup... Felt like a complete idiot and that's how he became my ex forever. RiceCrispix
22. Bye Girl.
Faked a pregnancy when I tried to break up.
Cheated (multiple times).
My hands started sweating and my heart was racing when I saw pictures of her recently. This happened over 2 years ago. This tiny girl terrifies me. hatethiscity
He cheated on me. His excuse was "It wasn't anything sexual. I just wanted to show her my penis then she grabbed it and put it in." His words not mine. UnderMyUmbreon
20. Sucker Punch.
My girlfriend was verbally abusive on a regular basis. She would also get physically abusive when she drank too much. She wasn't really strong enough to hurt me seriously, but when the person you love starts trying to suckerpunch you it is really frustrating. I still miss her a lot.
Some days she was wonderful and the sweetest person ever. Others she was bitter, angry, and would do anything to try to get a reaction out of me by insulting me. Started to become my insecure high school self after a while and had to give up.
She dealt with a lot of really horrible abuse in her past and I didn't want to ever be the next abuser because of my own anger and frustration so I had to let her go. Still miss her. Still love her. Wish things had been different. TimsTantalizinTicTac
19. Toxic Cover.
I realized it was a toxic relationship when he got mad at me for not wearing makeup. luna-petunia
I should have realized it was a toxic relationship when he yelled at me until I cried for wearing makeup. rockyraccoon13
Well, she passed away so I guess she is my ex now. I still love her. _techniker
My boyfriend passed away 11 years ago now. I never considered him my ex, he's just my late boyfriend. I still miss him. Anilxe
My ex is an ex because he was manipulative and emotionally abusive.... he also hated my friends and family. He tried telling me that they were toxic for me so I could never see them. Queen_Ellie
16. A Little Weight.
Told me he was afraid I'd gain a lot of weight and "wanted to feel he could have sex any time he wanted." Guess you can't have spontaneous sex with a woman who's a little overweight. Jokes on him - I lost weight and he gained weight. VainNightwish
15. You say it's you?
She got sick of being taken for granted, and dealing with the effects of my insecurities. xmittsx87
Hi, are you my ex? You still owe me $70. realhorrorsh0w
14. She Crazy.Giphy
Because he was a self centered, emotionally abusive, alcoholic, manipulative anchor of a human being. He destroyed the house I paid for, told me no one else would ever love me, and made everything my fault.
Also he physically abused my dog.
Edit: I'm sorry for everyone else who also had to go through an ex behaving this way. No pupper deserves that. Pupper tax awfulmcnofilter
13. Secrets and Lies....
- She was in the closet so for 4 years I was her dirty little secret
- Craved attention and agreed to have her coworkers set her up on a blind date with some dude without even talking to me about it (wtf?)
- Demanded I leave my career and job in another country and go home, stay in her condo and freelance instead while she continues her career as a lawyer
- Harassed the person I casually dated after her
- Got really mad at me because I moved on and she chose to stay miserable
Haven't had any communication with her for almost a decade now after I finally blocked her all those years ago. I'm happily married for 6 years now to an amazing woman, thank god. Tourtoise
12. Just 17.
i knew him for about 3 months and he wanted to know when he could ask my dad to marry me (he thought 6 months of dating would be good) and he had our whole life planned out. We were both only 17 at the time. now he just crap talks me on twitter months after we broke up. dgsarah
11. Just Not There.
He was truly a phenomenal person but something just didn't click romantically. I just didn't feel the way I thought I should have felt about him. withered-dreams
I had a good friend in school I had a huuuuge crush on, but he wasn't feeling the chemistry. It hurt, but god, I'm so glad he was up front about it (while still remaining kind) instead of trying to pretend. We're still friends, but I'm with a guy who loves me exactly like I love him, and he found a wonderful woman who he has oodles of chemistry with, and we're both so much better for it. Reddit
10. Cut the Ties.
Not really an ex but someone I dated for a month or two. Started talking about marriage and having kids after the third or fourth date. Would call me in the middle of the night because she needed help with something that any fully functional adult should be able to do by themselves, i.e. stuff like lifting a 10 lbs object from the floor and placing it on a counter. Finally broke it off when she told me I'm gonna have to cut any and all ties to one of my best friends because I'm not allowed to talk to other girls now that we're dating.
She ended up stalking me for like six months, threatened to a) kill me in my sleep or b) walk up to the police and tell them I had raped her (Glad she typed that out in detail so I could just easily screencap everything in case I ever needed the evidence), called me at 4 AM multiple times after getting faced at a bar and when I'd switch my phone off, she'd send me 80+ messages that usually evolved from trying to guilt trip me to take her back into borderline psychotic ranting and empty threats. She eventually screwed some old dude, got an STD, and claimed it was my fault because I had forced her to do that by not wanting to be with her. So that was fun while it lasted.
9. This Again?
He didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about him. And he didn't care about how I felt during sex.
ETA: Surprised that this comment blew up! Wanted to clarify that I am a woman and that the main sex issue was that I need time to work up to comfortably putting his manly bit into my lady bits. I did communicate this to him and we had what I thought was very satisfying sex several times after that, despite him having a bit of attitude of "this again?"
Whenever I wasn't immediately ready to be jackhammered after a minute of making out. He told me in the aftermath of our relationship that he thought our physical relationship was completely unenjoyable. There were other things too that he did that made it clear to me that he didn't care how I felt during sex like often wanting oral but never giving it and needing "reminders" to put on a condom despite the fact that I wasn't on birth control for part of the relationship. applebore12
According to her, she just "lost" her feelings for me. It's been 6 years and I still dream of her. mcmanybucks
Oof I had one like that. It's hard and there is no closure to be had. You just have to realize the things you wished they were are out there in someone else. Demibolt
7. So Petty.
He punched me in the face after a petty argument.
Firstly, it doesn't matter what the argument was about. You don't abuse your partner.
Secondly, I'm a guy too. Violence amongst gay couples is a silent issue that's rarely ever talked about and in my experience with friends it can be pretty damn ugly too.
Thirdly, I'm not a violent person. However he did more than punch me after it when following me home and I hit him when he went to strangle me. It did nothing though as I'm soft as hell.
Fourthly, I am okay thank you.
Love and light ❤ -Glitter-Herpes-
6. Power of 2....
Because we were two different people in two different places in our life. Also bc she had a nasty habit of banging my friends, but that's besides the point. MeattloafKitten
5. A Couple of Things.
It was mutual after a couple big discussions.
I wanted to travel, she didn't.
I don't want to have children, and she did.
I didn't want her screwing her ex, but she did.
Gotta decide on what your dealbreakers are, I guess. The_Town_of_Canada
4. Getting Help.
Because I started using and she cheated.
EDIT: thanks for your support everyone, I know an ex junkie talking about a break up isn't the funniest thing to listen to.
EDIT 2: thanks for the 2 gold and platinum kind strangers. EddieVedder_ismydad
He ended up being crazier than I initially wanted to believe. Years of stalking after our break-up really did turn me into a paranoid freak. But in time I am doing a lot better. Lesson learned. guyhabit
2. Joy Lost.
Because I could predict the entirety of the rest of my life and I didn't like it.
I would have taken over the family bakery and spent every day waking up at 3 AM to make donuts.
9 AM would be the start time for sausages.
Leave the bakery @ 4 PM. Deposit the daily sales before the bank closes.
Drive home and eat the unsold sausages for dinner.
Watch TV for 1.5 hours before falling asleep in a chair.
Wake up at 3 AM.
There was no joy in her father's eyes.
Joy left years ago. ambermage
1. Best Wishes....Giphy
An 8-year lasagna of me being noticeably depressed, me not making continuous romantic gestures, a long-term sense of complacency on both our parts and both of us gravitating towards opposite directions in life.
I dated her for almost a decade (I'm 25), and our time together made me a better person. I'm grateful for the time we shared and don't regret it, but I've made my peace and spent nearly 2 years swallowing that bitter, gargantuan pill.
I wish her the best and view her in warm regard, but I don't want to be her friend or even cross paths with her ever again. Getting over the breakup had to be the hardest thing I've ever done, and picking that scab just to keep up the meaningless platitude of "We can still be friends" would be a waste of both of our time. garrettgravley
Some years ago, I had to advise a college friend to stop chasing the girl he was interested in at the time. She'd already turned him down. Explicitly. At least two or three times.
He wouldn't take no for an answer and didn't see anything wrong with his behavior.
Perhaps he'd seen too many movies where the guy eventually breaks through the girl's defenses and essentially coerces her into going out with him?
Sadly, this is behavior that is tolerated and yes, normalized in our society.
People were keen to share other observations after Redditor EnoughSandwich_7057 asked the online community,
"What's toxic behavior that's considered socially acceptable?"
"Trying to make people..."
"Trying to make people drink/smoke or drink/smoke more when they have firmly declined the offer."
This is a big one that can have disastrous consequences. I am thankful I got a bunch of terrible nights out drinking out of my system by my early twenties.
Being drunk to the point that you're incoherent is horrible.
"I hate the whole prank thing..."
"I hate the whole prank thing, especially when it's done for likes. Scaring or humiliating people for attention just means you are a bad person."
I don't watch any of those videos and I don't understand what people see in them.
"Overworking yourself and then collectively judging others who don't do the same."
I had a coworker like that once, and she was a (minor) reason why I ended up leaving one job, but still a reason nonetheless.
"Taking your work with you..."
"Taking your work with you on vacation. I mean if you enjoy working then that's your thing, but I get sick of people like going through paperwork and having meetings while on vacation. Like dude, stop."
"Looking down on someone..."
"Looking down on someone because of their job."
When people say things like, "If fast food workers deserve $15 an hour..." that says a lot.
"Deliberately misunderstanding what someone is saying so as to make it easier to argue with them."
"People tend to give drunk people..."
"People tend to give drunk people misbehaving a pass if they regularly do it, 'Oh don't mind Tom, he's just drunk.' That just reinforces that toxic behavior."
You can say that again. How many times have you run into bad behavior like this while out and about, perhaps in a bar? It's not fun.
"The fact that we reward..."
"The fact that we reward customers for being wrong. The number of times my old manager would be so exhausted from arguing over the cost of a carton of milk with a customer that she would just give it to them is appalling."
"It reinforces this mentality because even if the customer KNOWS they're wrong they don't care because they will still win."
Annnnd this is why I don't miss retail. I'm fine where I am.
"Verbally abusing minimum wage employees who don't make the rules. If I could change the laws tomorrow I'd encourage businesses to ban pieces of garbage like these who can't operate in public."
"I'm here to do a job..."
"Toxic workplace behavior needs to be top of the list. I'm here to do a job and go home, not be harassed because you don't like some aspect of my personality. Managers who let this slide should be held personally liable."
When you stop and think about it, you realize we live in an imperfect society. It's astounding that some people just tolerate bad behavior and, in many cases, don't even see anything wrong with it.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Parents make mistakes. We want to believe that parents are doing there very best to raise their kids, but sometimes they do more harm than good.
Research into childhood trauma didn't actually begin until the 1970s, so we don't have as much knowledge about our mental health as adults as we might like.
However, a study that followed 1,420 from 1992 to 2015 found conclusive results about childhood trauma:
"'It is a myth to believe that childhood trauma is a rare experience that only affects few,' the researchers say."
"Rather, their population sample suggests, 'it is a normative experience—it affects the majority of children at some point.'"
"A surprising 60 percent of those in the study were exposed to at least one trauma by age 16. Over 30 percent were exposed to multiple traumatic events."
Not all of the things our parents do that were not so helpful technically classify as trauma, but it definitely has an effect on us as we get older.
Redditor Gooncookies asked:
"What could your parents have done better when raising you?"
Here's some of the ways that these Redditor's parents could have done better.
Rules to maintain purity.
"Would've been nice if my dad hadn't convinced me I had to behave in certain ways to maintain my innocence and purity."
"Catholic? I can relate."
"Nope. He's an atheist. He's actually extremely upset that I practice my (non Christian) religion. He just has some really weird ideas about having female children. Like, if I wore spaghetti straps when I was a child he'd say it was like he was living in a brothel."
Becoming afraid of failure.
"Encourage me to do more. I was never pushed to do anything. I mean, I get why some athletes are like 'my parents pushed me too hard where I hated it.' But I was never encouraged to go out for it try anything new. I played little league baseball and decided I thought it was a good idea to try and be a pitcher. I told my mom, but got the response along the lines of 'That's a hard position, and the whole game kind of rides on you, and if you mess up, everyone is going to blame you.' As a 37 year old I now see how that kind of stuff screwed my self esteem up and why I'm so afraid of failure as an adult."
"Same here. Also when I wanted to try anything new my mom was like 'But that's too hard for you, are you really sure you wanna do this? I don't think that you want nor can.' What's even worse than just forbidding, in this way the kid won't 'protest doing it' and get too low self esteem to do it."
"I'm really happy now that I overcame this after I moved out. I started doing all those things I wanted to do as a kid and I freaking love it (but kinda hate the fact that I haven't started earlier)."
"But even if I have a good relationship to my mom I hide a lot of things I do from her, since she still does the same and tries to convince me that I actually don't wanna do what ever I planned."
"But dear mom, sometimes you just need to try new things. if it wont work out who cares!? Even got a tattoo with 'What if I fall? Honey what if you fly?' to remind me if I should ever forget. (And no, my mum doesn't know about it)."
We're allowed to feel our emotions.
"Allow me to express my emotions, treat me like an actually person, actually interact with me instead of just ignoring me and them just telling me to kill myself."
"Wow. I'm so sorry. I think a lot of parents forget that their children are actually human beings."
"Its okay. I'm trying to work through some of that trauma, its easier said than done."
Interest is nice.
"They could have shown more of an interest in my mental health and education."
"I didn't get help for my anxiety until after college and it's so frustrating to hear my parents acknowledge I was an anxious child yet nothing was done. I can look back and see how many things could have gone better for me."
"I had diagnosed ADHD and my mom thought that the meds made my brother and I zombies and decided she wanted us to just be kids. My parents never looked into any kind of non-medication help for my ADHD."
"I'll always wonder what school would've been like if I had the tools to properly manage it."
"I got an MFA, but I feel my entire life has been a whole lot of masking."
I also have comorbid sleep/circadian rhythm disorder which they also never did anything about. Going to the doctor for anything, physical or mental, was not prioritized. But, my parents definitely weren't well off financially, so I imagine that that was the biggest contributor."
Kids deserve autonomy.
"Taught me to question adults and trust myself."
"They thought they were doing the best thing by teaching my sister and I 'All adults are always right and you obey them no matter what,' but it made me a dysfunctional employee and vulnerable to abusive relationships."
"The good news is it can be unlearned. But I hope this new generation will teach our kids to assert themselves respectfully instead of blind obedience."
Why keep up the charade?
"My parents are great people who did a good job raising me, but there was one weird thing they did that still kind of annoys to this day (and I'm 44.)"
"Once I got old enough to figure out that things like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren't real they still wouldn't admit it for some reason; I think it was more my mom and my dad just went along with her. But even when I became a teenager and all my siblings were teenagers it's like they still thought it was funny and cute to keep pretending that Santa Claus was real. I don't know why."
"They missed the point of that sort of thing. It's a rite of passage for children to eventually get old enough to figure out that this sort of thing isn't real and for the parents to let them in on it. I was denied that and it still bugs me for some reason."
"I could imagine that being infuriating at 14-15 years old. At that age you're wanting to be seen as more of an adult and I can imagine them not acknowledging Santa as a way of not welcoming me into adulthood/making me feel like a little kid."
Yea that's weird. When I got older and looked back I realized that my folks never flat out said Santa was real. My mom would say something like, 'He's only real if you believe in him,' so she never technically lied to me. Maybe it stems from that, they don't want to admit they lied to you?"
"That could be, but I think it was more a matter of my parents (again, my mom especially) thinking that doing the whole Santa Claus thing on Christmas morning, and Easter Bunny thing on Easter was fun and something that she just didn't want to let go of when my sisters and I got older."
Healthy criticism is necessary sometimes.
"They lacked discipline and parental authority which led us to treat them like our friends, disrespect them. We also couldn't be academically successful because they didn't help us develop a healthy studying habit."
"Kids like it when a parent tells them what to do (I mean, parenting is about teaching a kid what to do, if you just leave it like that, it won't learn anything), help them when they can't get through it, never give negative criticism, but constructive criticism when they fail and appreciate them when they succeed."
"Negative criticism: this type only tells them what is wrong. e.g. 'you can't do this,' 'you are doing this badly.'"
"Constructive criticism: this type gives them an insight into what should they do, you can add what is lacking if necessary. e.g. '[...] is not good behaviour, please do [...] next time, then you would succeed,' 'it looks ok (if it is badly done, then don't say this), but if you do [...] it'd be better / [...] is the correct way.'"
Whatever the situation was with your parents or caretakers, there are ways to heal from this trauma.
Psychology Today says we need to process our emotions, especially if we were taught not to when we were children.
It's important that we break these generational curses.
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Breaking up is something that never gets easier.
That kind of thinking, however, does little to keep us from feeling dejected for days on end.
Curious to hear from heartbroken strangers on the internet, Redditor whitecheeks-24 asked:
What's your sad love story?
Death never comes at the right time.
A Difficult Decision
"The love of my life and soulmate who I was married to for 20 years and together for 24 passed away about 8 months ago. I feel alone and empty inside. I have nobody to love or to love me. My life is an empty waste of space now."
"I took her off of life support because I know that's what she wanted and I had to respect her wishes but I sometimes wish I was a little more greedy. I just want my doll face back."
"I am so sorry. I had to do the same thing with my love, married 40 years. It's been 28 months and I'm sinking deeper into despair. We had so many plans, did everything together, and I am honestly lost without him. I send you warmest regards."
The Shy Admirer
"I was a shy teenager, in love with a cute neighbor. His sister and my mom were friends. He died in a car accident. Nobody knew how I felt about him. I overheard his sister tell my mom that he was in love with me. We never got to share our feelings with each other."
"I think a guy I found on match.com died but I have no way of knowing. We had only been dating for 2 or 3 months and we were taking things slow. Then he got sick..tumors in his back and he needed surgery. We still hung out but he was in a lot of pain."
"At the time I was frustrated because I felt he was pushing me away. I just adored him and he was sending mixed messages. Now looking back.. I'm thinking he was just trying to survive. He went in for surgery and I never heard from him again. I didn't know his family and he didn't have social media."
"My mom would check the obituaries in the paper for me and I just always wondered. I hope he didn't know how to end things and just felt this was easier. It's been 5 years and I have a family of my own now but Michael..I hope you're okay."
It's hard for these Redditors to accept the fact their love was never meant to be.
Long Distance Fizzle
"I had to leave my first boyfriend behind because I moved out of state and didn't even get to say goodbye because I didn't know we were moving when I left. We left to see my aunt who had been traveling and was diagnosis with brain cancer in another state, she was too sick to travel home so they rented a house and stayed there essentially until she passed away."
"My mom liked the area better than my hometown tho so we ended up staying, our stuff was shipped to us so I never got to say goodbye to my boyfriend in person."
"We kept in contact for a couple years but being 16 and 18, it wasn't easy for me to just pack up and head back to move in somewhere with him. We both knew we weren't ready for that so we tried our best to keep the long distance romance going."
"Eventually he messaged me one day and told me that he can't do it anymore and he didn't want to hear from me again because he couldn't handle it."
"When I was in my early 20s, I've had a love at first sight experience. It completely broke me. He actually was into me too, but not in love like I was."
"I had never had a boyfriend before and I got so excited, I came in like a wrecking ball to cite a great poet. Long story short, I scared him off, he broke up, I couldn't get him out of my head and couldn't imagine a world without him, so I tried to kill myself."
"Though let me reassure you all, it's been years and I'm over him (as long as I don't see him IRL, I just know that I'd fall back in the spiral), I even had a long-term relationship after him."
Tough Reality Check
"I got left out of a 5 year relationship. I got injured, lost my job, and had to go take care of my dying mom. I was not in a good way. I come back from the ER and she calls our entire relationship off because I was not 'passionate' any longer. Right."
"My entire life fell apart. Lost the house we had gone in on. Lost the dog we had gotten together. And I lost my girl. She was my bestfriend, my first love."
"Huge reality check but at least I'm only 22. I'm glad I saw her true colors when things went bad. Easy to stand by someone when times are good. Saddest part is I would take her back in an instant. I lost a piece of my soul with her."
Some of the biggest heartbreaks come when someone shows their true colors.
"FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS MARRIED WITH KIDS ON THE INTERNET. I was happy and in love for two years. One day while doing my research for a client work, I come across a research paper. The research paper matched what I was looking for, scrolling through it, I realized the owner had some names as my boyfriend."
"But this time he acknowledges his wife and two children for being patient with him as he was busy doing the thesis. I got curious, I took a screenshot and sent him a picture and asked if it's his paper."
"Also, I asked if it's true that he has two kids and a wife and he why didn't tell me. He answered 'DOES IT MATTER '. That was the end of my relationship. Never talked about it, never told any soul what happened."
"I finally got with my best friend and soul mate. He knows more about me then anyone and knows what I've been put thru my whole life. When we first got together he promised he would never do anything to me that others have."
"One year later he cheated, lied and and broke my spirit. Something i never thought was possible with me, yet he accomplished it. It's been a year since i left him and he still tries to get back into my life. The sad part is I know he doesn't love me and I can't stop loving him."
"After four years of supporting my lover through his depression and alcoholism, he announced tonight that he is leaving me. I'm pretty depressed."
A Devious Scheme
"Wife moves our small family across the country for a promotion at her company. When we arrive and settle into our house, she leaves me for her boss."
"The move was a scheme for her boss to leave his wife and kids, and for her to leave me, while being able to be close to all their children. So I unknowingly left my career, family and friends behind to move to a state where I don't know anyone so she could be with her new guy."
Unexpected tragedy will always be, to me, the saddest break up story.
A co-worker of mine used to date a young man who was a patron at the store where we both worked.
Their budding romance was new and exciting and absolutely adorable to watch.
He told me he planned to propose to her before he went away on a family vacation, but sadly, my friend never got the proposal. The guy drowned in a horrible boating accident during his trip.
Although my friend is now happily married with two kids, I wonder if she still thinks about him.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Want to "know" more?
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On the outside, so many professions and careers look glamorous, financially enticing, and fun.
Often we sit back in our own lives and wallow in our dead-end jobs with that "wish I could do that for a living mentality!"
But if you look a little closer or, much like Dorothy Gale in OZ, just wait for a Toto to push the curtain back, you'll see that a lot more is going on behind the scenes.
And the shenanigans we don't see, make all that fun... evaporate.
So many careers and high power industries are built on a foundation of lies, backstabbing, and stress. And not in that fun "Dynasty" way.
That quiet, dead-end gig may not be so bad after all.
Redditor MethodicallyDeep wanted hear all the tea about certain careers, by asking:
What is a secret in your industry that should be talked about?
I swear if every single person was forced to work in the hospitality industry for at least one month in their life, y'all would be beside yourselves. The amount of craziness and laziness could keep you eating at home for every meal until death.
Play Bigmartin scorsese casino GIFGiphy
"Casino dealers really do want the players to win. We don't work for the house. We get paid crap hourly rates and rely on tips. Unless the player is super nice they only to tip if they win so we really do want you to win." ~ thedevilsgame
Not the Good Stuff...
"That you can take a gallon of paint and give it a different label, price point, and warranty depending on the store it is sold in." ~ big_d_usernametaken
"My professor told me the same thing. He was a job coach and erased the due dates on food products with I believe acetone or some product in nail polish remover."
"Would slap a new date on it, and the food would get shipped to poorer neighborhoods. That crap blew my mind." ~ Additional_Bar_2013
"Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That if everyone being charged with a crime insisted on it going to trial, no plea bargaining, the system would crash." ~ mikenyle
"When I was a juror, the judge also commented before everything started that trial by jury is the only thing causing people to plea bargain and "getting the system moving."
"Many trials sit in limbo for years, and it's only the threat of "Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That really negotiations start. That's exactly what happened in my case - jurors got selected, and that afternoon (after being 2 years in the system), the defendant pleads out." ~ zealeus
"Safety. It's not really about your health and well being. It's about saving the company money from medical expenses, lost time, lawyer costs, etc. Very rarely does your company actually give 2 craps about you, no matter how much they preach safety, they just don't want to pay if you get hurt/killed." ~ WhenThePiecesFit
"pen to paper"New Girl I Give Up GIFGiphy
"TV/screenwriter here. If you're established and well connected, it's very easy to coast and be a TV writer for YEARS and do very little actual writing. Most of TV writing is just talking in a room with other writers spitballing."
"This is why there's so many old, unfunny dudes still "writing" on TV shows. They're hired by their friends and in TV, a lot writers don't actually do much "pen to paper" writing. Plus everything gets rewritten to death." ~ GardenChic
So much mess. Someone hire me to write for TV. Why are you just giving away jobs to unqualified people? Life is so unfair. This list makes me mad. Let's continue...
Carbon Copiesmail GIF by RabbidsGiphy
"I work in the print industry, we print cheques for companies and there is so little security involved in hiring, or keeping the materials secure, or running the actual work, or shipping the work to customers. I'm shocked we haven't had a problem with stolen cheques." ~ Jeff_Cunningham
"Advertising. I keep reading that advertising is leading people to be more woke, or multicultural. Companies don't lead, they follow. They do lots of research and know where the future markets are."
"I worked for a very conservative global brand. 5 years before gay marriage became legal, they told us it would happen and we needed to start targeting the LBGTQ community." ~ leftside72
"Visa agent and I've seen people be refused because the manager didn't like their face." ~ Ok_Albatross9395
"Omg this happened to my sister. She couldn't start her semester in time because she kept being refused a visa even though she fulfilled all conditions."
"Finally my parents found a "connection" in embassy to see what's going on; turns out someone just didn't like her when she came to give her papers the first time. I never knew if I can fully believe that story." ~ animal7239
So much typing...
"I'm a writer, among other things. I used to ghostwrite. You'd be amazed how many popular books are partly or fully ghostwritten. I specialised in taking people's crappy first drafts and rewriting them so they were actually good. Not "good" according to people's taste, which is subjective."
"But objectively better in the sense of being properly spelled, not having gaping plot holes, making sure characters were consistent. By the time I was done there was often very little left of the draft the "writer" had created, but there was a marketable product."
"Pisses me off no end when I see all the bull the publishing industry comes out with about how writers submitting a manuscript must make sure it's perfect because only excellence will get you anywhere."
"I don't know how they can say that and still sleep at night, knowing full well that they're hiring people like me to do large-scale rewrites (or to take a half-baked plot and create a draft from scratch)." ~ iwillckingbiteyou
ThievesJoseline Hernandez Facepalm GIFGiphy
"I work in payroll. The number of payroll reports I see where people are conned out of their overtime is saddening."
"Also, taxes paid by a business shouldn't actively dissuade them from paying employees less. The system shouldn't be based on paying a percentage of employee salary in taxes (FICA, Workers Comp), in other words." ~ ThongofSekhmet
I think some investigations need to be launched. I always knew payroll departments were running a scam. Too many people are being ripped off. Time to expose some people.
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