People Share What Happened When They Successfully Trusted Their Gut And Avoided Disaster
Sometimes, somebody really just gives you a terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. You say, don't judge a book by its cover, but could it possibly save your life?
An anonymous poster asked Reddit:
People who have had a creepy feeling about someone come true, what happened?
Here were some of the stories. TW: Rape, Violence, Death.
The Start Of A Horror Movie
A random guy sat next to me at the bus stop and I instantly felt weird about it. He didn't even look at me, but I somehow knew he wasn't there to wait for the bus, he was there because of me. I was very drunk, unfortunately, and disregarded my own feelings.
He got on my bus and sat directly across from me. I ignored him for most of the ride, as I was quite out of it. I was a bit surprised when he went to get off and called to me from the door: "aren't you getting off? Hello? Are you getting off?" I didn't answer and he sat down again, but this time he put his feet on the seat next to me so I was locked in.
We went one more stop and the driver told us this was the last stop. I got off, found it a bit creepy that the guy would go off too, but thought there would be more people there as well - then I looked behind me. We were the only people left on the bus.
I stood outside the bus and thought about what I should do. I could see the guy in the corner of my eye, he was standing about 5-10 meters from me and a bit away from me, but I knew he was keeping an eye on me. The bus driver leant over to me and asked if I knew the guy. I said no. The bus driver asked me to get on again. I did, and he closed the doors behind me. The guy instantly threw himself at the doors, screaming to be let in, banging his fists at the door.
I'm very, very fortunate that my bus driver was smarter than me that day.
Why Is It Always A Bus
Not me, but my cousin. She was on an overnight greyhound bus and a man got on and many of the seats were full. He walked towards the open seat next to her and looked as if he were going to sit there and my cousin goes "you can't sit here" usually a very open and friendly person she kind of thought to herself "wow that was b*tchy of me" but she had a bad feeling about him. So the man finds another seat and my cousin falls asleep. A little while later she wakes up to the bus pulled over to the side of the road and police cars outside. The police come onto the bus and arrest the man who wanted to sit with my cousin. He had found another woman to sit with and attacked her.
Back when I was in Highschool some new kid joined. Only really interacted with him on the football field but he really rubbed me the wrong way. I'm not a small guy, I'm big enough to fend for myself so while he creeped me out, I wasn't really scared of him (I should have been, but ego gets in the way when you're a teenager)
All of a sudden, he tries to injure me in discreet ways while playing football, like stamping on my ankle, tripping me up while none of us had the ball / nobody was looking etc.
After a couple more incidents he stepped it up, a lot.
He ended up stabbing me in the face while I was reading a book. We don't know if he meant to murder me, or seriously maim me but he punched me three times with a sharpened key in his fist. Two of the blows got deflected by my glasses, which left a giant mark on the lenses and where my temple was.
Sometimes you feel off about someone but they don't look like they can really threaten you too much but in reality they can and will.
Murderous Toaster Thief
Not me, but my mom. My sister was going to visit her friend out of state, so her friend's friend offered to drive her there. He drove a few hours to get to our house and was noticeably tired when he arrived, so my sister suggested that he just sleep on our couch and they'll go in the morning. The entire night, my mom's going in and out of our rooms saying that there's something off about the guy; that she doesn't really like him but can't figure out why.
She actually quietly went out the side door and wrote down his license plate at one point. The next morning my sister's in his car for maybe 30 minutes before she feels sick and asks him to just take her home. Which he does, much to my mother's delight. About 6 months later my mom's looking at her news feed when she sees a familiar face and calls my sister and I over and yells, "I told you something was off about him!". Turns out that about a year earlier he murdered his ex-girlfriend and that his friend, who helped him bury her body, finally decided to tell the cops not because he developed a conscience, but because he was mad at him for stealing his toaster.
My mum and I were in a café and she had her handbag down by her feet. This couple comes in and sits at the table behind us, and he attracted my attention because he kept poking his GF, telling her how to sit and stuff and just... The hairs on my neck went up, I hate that controlling bullshit. So he's in my periphery and this guy won't sit still when my mum says "hey where's my bag?"
She finds it a second later, moved and open - she reached in to get her purse and said "my card has gone!"
So the couple behind had stood and were walking at speed towards the door and I didn't even hesitate "STOP THAT MAN!" because I figured I could apologise later if I was wrong. One of the waitresses was right by the door and she followed him out the door at which point the guy dropped my mum's card mumbled something about having found it and then ran for it. I guess if he hasn't been such an arse to his GF I probably wouldn't have noticed.
Hey, don't know if anyone will see this, but around middle school I started getting creeped out by my father. He wouldn't even do anything you could point to and say "That right there, that's it." But you just got the feeling he was like a spider...watching and waiting. Something lurking and dangerous.
He began running with a group called "Scam the Scammers", where they'd make scammers do ridiculous things. It was "all in good fun" because "they deserved it". Humiliating, sometimes painful things.
Teachers wouldn't call home to discuss anything we did, positive or negative. There were notes in my file to only discuss things with my mother, no matter what.
He started to become obsessed with conspiracy theories. Obama was a Kenyan Muslim, my mother was cheating on him with a woman and three men, all sorts of things.
You got the feeling something was wearing my father as a skin suit. That's the best way I can describe it.
Turns out he has an inoperable brain tumor. He's permanently changed. My father is alive, but he's no longer my dad.
When i was around 14 a guy started in my school. We were never really friends cause i found him very creepy, but we moved in the same circles, so i met him now and then. Something was off with him. Fast forward a few years he stabbed a guy to death cause he wouldn't give him a cigarette. When he got out of prison he found god in a burning bush on a mountain, and became a devoted christian. Then he stabbed another guy to death for unknown reasons. Don't know what became of him after that.
Toxic Online Culture
Not me, but my friend talks about his experience all the time.
My Friend had a very off feeling about some guy in his Computer Science class. At the start of the semester, the professor went around the class and insisted everyone introduce themselves, as well as explain why they chose to take Computer Sciences. Everyone responded very generically "Computers are cool" and "Its a growing industry" but not this guy.
His response was "There's not a lot of girls in this class". From that point on, he was quiet and kept to himself. He was balding, dressed poorly, had bad hygiene and was always on his laptop.
Last year, that very same guy rented a van and ran over 26 people. Killing 10 and injuring 16. At the end of his rampage, he attempted suicide by cop but was unsuccessful. His Facebook revealed he praised Elliot Rodger and was an active member of a 4Chan incel group (a misogynistic virgin cult). His hatred for women and sexually successful men reached a climax when he committed the deadliest terror attack in Canadian history, all because he couldn't get laid.
Not something that happened to me, but my mum. She just had a random feeling that she should visit my grandma one Thursday after getting off work. Usually she'd just put it off and do it during the weekend but for some reason, she did it because she felt something was odd.
She arrived to see my grandma laying in her bed bleeding from her head. Apparently my grandma had fallen down before that and managed to pull herself back into bed. Ambulance was called and everything went fine after. My whole family shudders at what would have happened if my mum decided not to.
Just This Feeling
When I was in high school I worked at an Orange Julius with a girl. I was working there from the ages of 15 to 17. This girl was in her early twenties and her boyfriend was around her age. Every time he came in I never said hi to him I never talk to him I just got this very eerie terrible feeling about him, and around the age 15 I had learned to listen to this feeling.
Growing up in the ghetto can make you very vigilant. Anyways so I never talked to this guy while my other co-workers say hi talk to him all the normal nice things most do with their coworkers significant others when they frequent their work. I ended up leaving the job at 17. She left awhile before me.
I went down to the police station one day to do something (I don't remember) and saw our Most Wanted people up on a board and I was looking at them and saw her boyfriend's face. He was wanted for murder, he had murdered her. I'll never forget the chills that ran down my back when I read that. Still get them when I tell the story.
I took a year off my junior year in college to co-op/intern at a company. This one research scientist i worked with seemed normal, but there was just something slightly off with how he interacted with people - like, ad if there was less emotion behind his interactions with his colleagues. A lot of us nerdy engineers have our own quirks, i know i do, so i didn't really think about it much.
The time i really stopped and thought to myself how something seemed off though was when i asked him about a picture of a raccoon on his desk. He went into this story about how he and his family had found a baby raccoon, raised it ad part of their family like a dog, etc. He then talked about how he had to kill it for whatever reason. So this happened 10 years ago so i dont remember the exact specifics, but i do remember thinking that the way he described it seemed odd considering he was talking about having to kill a family pet.... i grew up on a farm and am accustomed to people having to put their dogs/horses/etc. down, yet this guy didnt seemed to have the same reverence that most people do. Anyway, if i had to put a word to it, at the time i felt like the guy had no empathy.
Literally one week (two weekends) after the raccoon story he goes on an murder spree. Other than a colleague telling me Monday morning, nobody ever talked about it. Such a weird experience.
A guy in one of my college classes seemed off to me. I don't know why. Just weird little things ... like one time there was spilled water on the ground and he ended up putting his bag in it. He noticed, but pretended there was nothing wrong. Left it there for the entire duration. Then, when class was over he didn't move from his seat. And stayed there after everyone left. I thought it was so odd. A few months later, he was arrested for killing his mother. He was found playing video games while her body decomposed in the next room.
Scary And Magnetic
This is creepy in a different way than most here, but I think it's relevant. 20 years ago, when I was a practicing Christian, my church got a new priest. He may as well have been God himself the way people fawned over him. I liked him at first too. Then, after a few brief conversations, I got this feeling that his entire life was a major power trip, and he was in no way cut out to lead a congregation of actual human beings.
After he made an off-the-cuff remark to me about being divorced (the shock!) I was like, "Later dude" and transferred to another church. People thought I was nuts, because how could I not adore Father Perfect the way they did?
After a few months, I noticed a trickle of people from my former parish in my new church, and that trickle eventually became more like a flood.
"Father Perfect" had formerly been a highly respected surgeon with a God complex, and he was quite used to giving orders and having them carried out without question (as I would imagine is necessary in a surgical suite). Not the best quality for a man of the cloth.
Eventually he drove out several deacons, the choir leader, the sexton, and about half the congregation. He put a message on the church answering machine about what types of messages could and couldn't be left. Total control freak who apparently mistook himself for God. He finally left after the parish completely fell apart.
A Near Miss
Well, i guess i was the one the creepy feeling was about.. When i was little i always slept in a crib at my parents house. My Dad was always vast asleep and nothing could wake him up fast. One night as i have heard, he just woke up in the middle of the night, screaming my name. Ran to my bed and picked me up. Turned around and as he walked away lightning hit the roof and the window broke and fell on the bed i was sleeping in.
Over The Shoulder
Oh I have a story for this! When I was 15, my two friends and I went to the movies to watch a 18+ horror movie. I sat on a bench next to the escalator while they went to buy tickets, because we were already rejected that morning (I was very obviously under 18). I had a strange feeling that the guy who sat next to me was taking pictures of me, but ignored it because thought I wasn't attractive enough to gain attention, placed it under being paranoid. My friends came back, we went up the escalator and while I was making a joke about the guy following me as we reached the top floor, my friends ran.
Turns out, he actually was following me with his two very large friends. They looked for us while I hid in the arcade nex to the cinema, we sneaked past them and regroup, then told the cinema security about the men (who were standing at the entrance, still looking for us).
Three/four cinema security workers stood next to our hall entrance while we watched the movie that none of us could focus on because we were so shaken up by it. Gave me hope in humanity for all the help we got. c:
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattzget out GIFGiphy
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswersof montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphy
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I DoShocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"Are you married?"
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Room TemperatureFrosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
DiscoveryBlown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
EssentialsTell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.