No one wants to come off looking bad on a first date. Nerves may get the better of a person, and it's hard to get out of your own head, but at the end both parties should reasonably assume it's hard to open up to someone. Usually, they can give the other party a little slack if they mispronounced a word funny or knocked over their drink on the table.
...Then there's these nightmare tales.
Reddit user, turtlelevelslow, wanted people to dish on their dates when they asked:
What was the weirdest date you've ever been on?
But The Voice In My Head Says...
Giphy"Dated a woman who didn't tell me she needed meds because she was psychotic. In the middle of dinner (at a restaurant) she got quiet and distracted. I asked if she was feeling okay. Apparently one of the voices told her I was a horrible person and she pulled a steak knife on me."
"A customer was able to talk to her, and got her to put the knife down. The police were called, and she was arrested. I didn't press charges, and about a week later, she sent me a letter with proof that she's been in counseling for a long time, takes medication, and included a heart felt apology."
Not Weird Enough To Say "No"
"Went to a clothes shop with this guy to pick up something for my baby sister before heading to a coffee shop. This was the first time I had ever met him face-to-face as we had met online, despite living in the same student accommodation."
"We head down the escalators to the second floor to the pyjamas, lingerie and kid section and he runs over to the selection of bras, picks one up, puts it on over his shirt and jacket and asks me if I think it fits/suits him."
"I'm still with him a year and a half later."
Going All In On The Opening Hand
"This one was honestly crazy. Met this guy through tinder, seemed cute just had a weird face. Not my type because brown hair and brown eyes? FaceTimed a few times and he seemed super sweet. This was out of the ordinary because I usually am not attracted to over emotional guys unless they're extremely attractive. He was just normal but I was lonely after a recent breakup, went to the movies with him and swerved his kiss and he laughed sounding somewhat hurt? Like dude I just met you??? Then..... I noticed he's squeezing my hand a little, which I ignore but then he squeezes the SH-T out of my hand and I'm just trying not to freak out or trigger him, I laugh a little and he lets go. That was like the first red flag."
"Then I kissed him and he was a shitty kisser. No tingle no jazz nuthin. Then later on we head home and he seems sad and I keep asking if he's okay. He insists he's fine, then he calls me right after he drops me off and starts sobbing to me about how he's so scared to be hurt."
"First date. And this? I just said "yeah I'm gonna hurt your feelings if you date me, we're better off not talking"
"Dude still tries to hit me up to this day knowing I'm dating - my bestfriend of all people - like yeah no way buddy.... no waaaaay."
You Need To Start Making Better Choices
"Two come to mind."
"1. Dude picks me up, we go to the grocery-store, I pick up pickles, because I love pickles. Go to his place, I eat my pickles, he's just standing there, offers to watch a movie. I'm down. He has a projector in his bedroom and puts on damn machete movie and disappears 5 min in for about 30-45 minutes. I'm like "this dude is definitely somewhere sharpening his machetes and planning to kill me". I leave his place. We meet in the hallway and he's confused by me leaving, didn't hold a machete thankfully. Never met again."
"2. Date. Go to a coffee-shop. We sit down, I order a salad and a coffee, he orders a drink. I tried to hold a conversation, but he was just not interested. It was awkward as hell, so I was just silently sitting there with my damn salad. We leave, he offers to go watch a movie. Okay? He brings me to his place and just turns on a tv to a random channel. It was boring as hell. "Right dude, I'm outta here." He literally picked my up and carries me to a bedroom onto a bed. There are woman stuff everywhere around the room - clothes, makeup, parfume. I freak out, jump up, demanded to be dropped home. He then got the hint and drove me home."
"At this point I'm surprised I haven't beed kidnapped, raped and killed."
Wait For The End...
"A baseball player that sat next to me in one of my classes my freshman year of college was adamant about taking me out so I reluctantly said yes."
"He picked me up from my apartment, we drove in silence to a restaurant, despite me asking him questions that he didn't answer. Not one peep. Ate at the restaurant and yet he still didn't say one word the entire time, again despite me talking to him and him just giving me blank stares back. Drove in silence back to my apartment and he asked if he could use my bathroom so I said "sure".
"Guy comes out of my bathroom about 20 min later and sits on my couch. I tried to get him to leave for about 2 hours saying "I have to be up really early in the morning so I need to go to sleep". Finally he got up to leave and laid the sloppiest kiss on me in the doorway. Took all of my makeup off of the lower half of my face. He said goodbye and left."
"Here's the kicker: I walked into my bathroom to wash my face and THIS DUDE took a massive sh-t in my toilet and didn't even attempt to flush. Not clogged or anything, he just didn't flush. Needless to say he switched seats in class after that night and we never spoke again."
How Do You Say No?
"Went to my boyfriend's family reunion."
"It was a oyster buffet."
"I'm allergic to oysters."
An Expert Player
Tinder date- the guy turned up and looked completely different to his picture. He had a mullet because he cut his own hair. Divulged within 5 mins that he was circumcised and that he could "play the vagina" quite well.... #nsfw #catfish"
Don't Shame The Claw!
"Went to the movies with a boy from school. We saw a horror movie, and he did NOT know how to act. Firstly, when my mom dropped me off, he griped to her about how he was "emo" and how his entire family hated him. Should've been a red flag, but I was already there. Afterwards, in the arcade, he spent all of the $40 in his wallet on game credits then insulted me when I asked to play the claw machines. More awkward than weird, but still, thought it belonged."
...How Do You Even Get Anything Done?
"I went on a date with a girl to a bar and grill."
"The girl just got set free from a bad relationship. The bartender was her uncle, the server was her sister, and her fresh ex-boyfriend was there on a date with another guy."
Maybe We Can Talk About Me? Unselfishly?
"Another one: I went on a date with this girl from tinder. She "super liked" me and messaged first, so I was really happy to have someone interested. I asked if she'd like to go for a walk some time and she said she'd love to."
"So we get to walking and like 5 minutes in, she asks if I have roommates. I said yes, I live with 5 people and tell her about a few of them. "Theres Max, Matt, Mark,..." "Wait, Mark Smith? I know him! What's he been up to..."
"So we start chatting about my roommate and she knows a lot about him. His family, the sports he plays, his girlfriend. Every time I try to move the conversation somewhere else, she brings it back to Mark. She's not even pretending to be into me anymore, she's just fangirling out over my roommate. "I just love him, his hair is always so shiny and he smells so nice!". She spends the full 2 hours talking about him and asking all sorts of questions. I didn't really know what to do, so I just boredly keep answering."
"When we get back to our cars, she shifts gears again. "Hey, so I had a really great time. Want to go back to your place to have some fun?". She's really creeping me out at this point, so I tell her I have homework to do and maybe later."
"I get back and tell Mark about the date and he knows exactly who she is. He picks up his phone and immediately calls the police. They show up at the house find the girl outside in the back yard and arrest her for violating a restraining order or something."
"It turned our she was super unstable and had stalked my roommate since they went on one date almost a year prior. She recognized from photos she had of him and used me to find out where he lived."
Perhaps The Whole Boat Thing Should've Been A Red Flag?
"Third date with a guy from hinge. Started of completely normal- went to a pub for a few drinks. Pub closes. Guy invites me back to his."
"We get back to his and have a few more drinks, he then asks if I'd like to smoke a joint. Hadn't smoked for a few years but thought "hey it'll be fine". End up feeling very sick and unable to move. Guy doesn't have a bucket or bowl so brings over the entire kitchen bin and places it next to me. He then suggests we watch a movie."
"Guy puts on American Psycho and I sit there for the next two hours paralysed and paranoid completely convinced he's going to murder me."
"Also he lived on a boat."
So...Horses?
"I went on a 4 hour date with a woman who rides horses for a living."
"The entire 4 hours she told me everything I could possibly want to know about horses and then some."
"I learned so much about horses that I done forgot most the sh-t she told me."
And She Was Never Seen Nor Heard From Again
"Was going to go to a bar with a girl I met on tinder. She showed up 15 minutes late, which wasn't that big of a deal. Got out of her car, crossed the street, and then awkwardly shook my hand. Told me she forgot her ID at home, apologized, and then left. :/"
Polan-splaining?
"Dated a man who corrected my Polish, because his grandmother was Polish and she told him how to pronounce some words."
"Mind you, I was brought up in Poland, went to school and college there, read a zillion books, saw a zillion Polish movies etc. But this guy was very condescending about my pronunciation of the few words he learnt from his grandma."
Actually Sounds Fun
Giphy"This chick suggested we go to this experimental art exhibit thing. It had a giant ball pit for adults (among other things). Pretty interesting to have two 30-somethings in a ball pit for a date."
Wow...
"My first dating app date. Starts off pretty good, we barely put in our dinner order and her phone starts blowing up. Her ex was drunk and causing a scene outside her apt. Her ex kept calling, then her roommate started and then the landlord calls threatening to call the police. We get our food to go and I take her back to her apt. Long story short, both her and her ex are crying messes, she goes inside, leaves me outside with crying drunk ex who starts telling me all about how he messed their relationship. Dude is way too drunk to drive, I end up driving him to his apt, Uber back to my car, realize my date took all the food with her. The joys of dating!"
Maybe it's better to be single? Or is that just us?
Do you have similar stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.
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Hilarious Insults That Actually Sound Like Compliments At First
Who doesn't enjoy a compliment every now and then?
But have you ever thought you were complimented only to realize you've just been insulted?
For some people those backhanded compliments are unintentional, for some they're very much deliberate and for some people it's actually their love language.
Whatever the purpose, some of these veiled insults are downright clever.
Redditor Ad3quat3 asked:
"What’s an insult that sounds like a compliment?"
Ah, family...
"My uncle once said to me 'Nice tattoo, did you do it yourself?'."
"It's on my back."
- mikkelfromthegalaxy
GiphyWhat do I usually look like?
"You clean up well."
"Wasn't sure if compliment or insult or even how to respond."
Lord, it's hard to be humble.
"You are very modest and have much to be modest about."
- Gitaarfreak
Who else?
"Did you REALLY do that?"
- justthatrandomartist
Stay home next time.
"Thanks for coming!"
"You know, you really didn’t have to.”
- Little_LexiYT1
GiphyHow highly?
"No one could possibly think more highly of you than I do."
- sandyposs
Who cares?
"I love how you just don't care how you look."
"I could never do that I'd feel too awkward."
- meme_squeeze
GiphyDepends on the person, right?
"I hope your day is as good as you look!"
- tantoB
"I hope you get what you deserve."
- majesthiccbb
"May your day be as sweet as you are."
- twitterpated202
While some may consider it passive-aggressive, others just find these insults funny and clever.
So what's your favorite complimentary insult?
A good story—whether it's a book, movie, manga or TV show—can really draw us in.
We can get invested in the story to the point we begin to have real feelings about the characters.
That's why having a favorite character die can cause real grief.
Redditor Iridescent126 asked:
"What was the saddest fictional character death for you?"
Spock
"Spock, in Wrath of Khan."
- Lisa_Anns_Ass
"'I have been, and always shall be, your friend'.”
- MadMacs77
"'Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most... human'."
- bozoconnors
GiphyStoick the Vast
"Stoick the Vast How to train your dragon"
"Dude literally just reunited with his wife after over 15 years of being gone and spends a total of about 15 minutes with her. Cause of death: basically took a bullet in the chest to protect his son."
- 24Nitro-gamer
"I saw it in theatres and a bunch of kids started to cry. Not like sniffing but out loud wailing. It added to the atmosphere."
- ThePurpleMister
"I cried, 20-something y.o. dude just ugly crying"
- leotushex
The Iron Giant
"The Iron Giant will ALWAYS have me ugly crying when he goes up to stop the missle"
- muhfckinuhhh
GiphyWhere The Red Fern Grows
"The dogs in 'Where the Red Fern Grows'."
- johnny*mseed
"Came here to say this. This book destroyed me in grade five but also really demonstrated grief in such a profound way."
- such_sweet_nothing
Bubba
"Bubba in Forrest Gump. That whole scene had me wrecked."
"From Bubba's weak, 'I wanna go home,' to Forrest's narration saying he died by that river in Vietnam while showing him holding Bubba....."
"God damn, I'm crying just thinking about it."
- ChuckZombie
GiphySaving Private Ryan
"Saving Private Ryan has two of the saddest, most brutally gut wrenching deaths I’ve ever seen on screen in Wade and Mellish."
"Wade trying to talk the guys through his injury that goes from panic and terror to acceptance of his own death as he cries out for his mother and says 'I want to go home'? Jesus Christ."
"Mellish is brutal for all the more uncomfortable and raw reasons you’d imagine. War is horrific. Young men are sent off to die, and their lives are cut short for no reason."
"It’s tragic and heartbreaking, and this is one of the only movies to really nail that feeling"
- Tuna-No-Crust
Ellie From Up
"Ellie from 'UP' gets me everytime"
- MaterialScientist420
"Sometimes I wonder how movies ever took off when the first ones were short with no sound."
"Then I remember the time a 10 minute animation with no dialogue absolutely wrecked me. It's a god-damned masterpiece and I hate it."
- cycloptian_tit
GiphyM*A*S*H Had A Few
"Henry Blake. MAS*H. The scene in the operating room. The actors weren’t told about it, just called back for one last scene shoot and Radar walks in and tells them. The silence is amplified by the sounds of instruments still working. Haunting"
- Salami_sub
"Piggy backing off this, the guy they tried to keep alive so his kids wouldn't remember Christmas as the day their dad died. That one gets me just thinking about it."
- GaussfaceKilla
"I just saw that one like a month ago! That was totally heartbreaking. Hawkeye spins the clock forward to twelve o five December twenty sixth and they all conspire to forge his death certificate"
- The_Dynasty_Group
My Girl
"'He can’t see without his glasses'"
- peesherman42
"What made this especially shocking/sad is that the entire movie was a huge bait-and-switch, but in a really effective way."
"At the time, 11-year old me thought -- based on the trailers and the marketing -- that I was about to watch a lighthearted coming-of-age movie."
"And while it does have some of that, boy did it have a macabre edge to it."
- Geekboxing
Littlefoot's Mom
"Littlefoot’s mother’s death"
- 2-DMan
"My son fell in love with this movie when he was 3 or 4, and every time that part would come on I would have to leave the room because no matter what age I am, I will always get emotional. Something about the music and the overall vibe that really just punches me in the gut."
- isurfnude4foods
"The music plus the quote 'Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely'. It's so beautiful and tragic."
- fiofo
GiphyThe sign of a great story is how it can touch our hearts and sometimes break it.
So what was the saddest character death for you?
There is always a way to make money.
We can start to collect coin as early Pre-K.
We just have to be creative.
And who is more creative than a person who thinks they have nothing to lose?
Every school has a black market system.
Things are being sold and traded for that would shock us all.
Redditor AWESOMEKITTY7364 wanted to discuss the school system's biggest entrepeneurs, so they asked:
"What 'black market' did kids at your school run?"
I know a friend who sold pickles laced with vodka in high school.
She made a killing.
Mixtures
Mix Lab GIF by BrownSugarAppGiphy"Used to crush up warheads and mix them with sugar. Sold them by the straw with the ends melted. .50 a piece."
timelydemise13
'you got the goods?'
"I used to deal in whiteboard markers for teachers in high school. One teacher had a tendency to hoard them, leaving none for other teachers. I would take markers from him and provide them to other teachers in need."
"While there was no formal payment, I was given a little bit more leniency at times (e. g. Requests to leave the classroom for a moment etc)."
"Once the marker would start squealing on the whiteboard because it was almost empty, I'd get teachers giving me a nod as if to say 'you got the goods?' I'd then supply them with the marker color of their choosing (usually black)."
"It was actually a lot of fun, and I never heard teachers talk about my systems or chastise me for taking markers."
stoic4somethings
An Unfair Edge
"I was in elementary school when pogs were big. Everyone had cool slammers and stuff but I didn't have money for good ones. My dad made one out of 1/2' mild steel for me and used an engraving pen to make a simple pattern. Everyone was asking me where I got them from."
"I didn't wanna lose my unfair edge but i also knew i could make money. My dad had a big sheet of this 1/2' steel. I told them I was the only one who could get them. I sold them for 15 bucks a pop. My dad kept 10 I got 5. And thats when I learned what overhead was."
FNC1A1
Dress Code
"I went to a private high school with a strict dress code, ties, belt, etc. So I bought a bunch of ties and belts from a thrift store and ran a lucrative rental business out of my locker."
ccrawsh
"If you forgot your gym uniform more than once, you would get fined $5 to rent a uniform from the teacher or serve a detention. I would buy an extra set in the beginning of the school year of each size, and then rent them out/wash them myself undercutting the teachers 'fine' at a cost of $3. Very lucrative over my middle and high school years."
exorthderp
Got Pepsi?
Fail Diet Coke GIF by MOODMANGiphy"I used to sell coke (the drink) because they didn't allow fizzy drinks to be brought in."
Seventy0
Everyone loves a good fizz...
Copy-Sell
King Yes GIFGiphy"The only guy in the school who's family had proper TV channels used to tape wrestling events and rent them out."
221
Knock-Offs
"I have family in NY and would go visit a couple times a year back in high school. Every once in a while we'd visit Chinatown in NYC and I'd end up buying $100s worth of fake watches (Rolex, Tag, Gucci, etc) return to school and sell them for double than what I paid for them."
firkin_slang_whanger
"A lot of people still do this. They fly off to China, buy cheap knock-offs and sell them for a huge mark-up wherever they’re from. It’s big business here in the Philippines."
Mist3rTryHard
Currency
"My school used the metallic ends of pencils as a currency. Bronze was rarest, so it was the most expensive. Green was most common, so it was the least. We traded for erasers or pencil cases or a spot up in the four square line. Eventually got banned but we still operated with people acting as banks to keep the currency hidden and to keep transactions hidden."
Flavory_Boat50
Deals
"Pokemon cards we would hide under playground equipment and trade them because the teachers would take them if they saw them. So we always set up 'deals' in class and created a whole Pokemon card trading network."
immapengoon
"We did something similar in my school. We also bet cards on matches. That got shut down pretty quick. We didn't see anything wrong with it at the time. Ahhh, those were the days."
an_elaborate_prank
Bag Full
Black Friday Christmas GIF by TargetGiphy"At my school they too all sweets out of the vending machines and replaced them with healthy snacks."
"In the local town there was a sweet shop where you could buy a kilo of mixed sweets for £5, so every week I would go there and buy £1 of small paper bags and spend the Sunday night before school repackaging them all ready for the week ahead."
"Come Monday I would go into school and load my bag up every day selling the bags for 50p."
HeisenbergCooks
Kids are shady, yet diligent.
What kind of sneaky operations did your school have? Let us know in the comment below.
Love itself and the search for it can be a total mess.
But no matter how much we thirst for it, we have to be diligent and look out for warning signs that a potential partner isn't a good fit.
Red flags and warning signs are always jumping out in front of us.
Follow your instincts and trust your guy.
If you think there's something off, they probably could be!
Redditor Artistic_Pop_3323 asked:
"On the first date, what were some immediate red flags that made you not go on a second date?"
On a first date years ago the man I met was easily twenty years older.
Found out he used his son's photo. Whacko.
Sales Pitch
"Dude spent the whole date talking about how he used to sell drugs."
bluecrowned
"I had a first date like this, too! Guy admitted when we first met years before, he was selling drugs and was also still in a relationship with a girl while trying to go out with me."
ultravioletblueberry
That Guy
"On our first date, he told me he was in med school, at the University in the town we lived in. I knew immediately there was no med school, but thought perhaps he was taken his pre-med classes or something, so went on a second date. He had spent an hour telling me how when he got done with his military service he had worked as a military contractor doing 'spy' work in Iraq and 'if I only knew the things he’d done!'"
"We stopped by his apartment to pick something up and while there I noticed all his mail was in a different name than he had given me. I 'magically' got a text from my work, told him I had an emergency and had to go immediately into work and handle it."
"After I told him there wouldn’t be a 3rd date, he got spooky angry and I caught him in the bushes outside my apartment, late at night, several times. I eventually had to get a restraining order - in the name he gave me. After that, I never saw him again! Thank God!"
PracticeLeading2814
worst date ever...
"She was still married and said she just wanted to know if she’d 'be able to still get dates if they split up'… worst date ever."
ohmybaddudeI
"Was hit on by a married woman, not my wife though. We talked for about an hour because I wanted to see what her game was. After telling her that I was married, she got really angry at me. I thought, WTF? Is there some kind of weird double standard going on here? She got really pissed off when I asked her why it was OK that she was married but not OK if I am married."
SpecialpOps
Need to make an order...
"Few years ago met up with a guy at a bar and like the entire time he would not stop talking about how he couldn’t wait to go to Russia and get a mail-order-bride."
rainbowcanoe
"Maybe he was trying to make you jealous. Like, 'Oh no, I might lose out on this prime life partner opportunity, better make my move posthaste!'"
maygpie
Twitcher
eye twitch GIFGiphy"He was about 10 years older than his pictures, he didn't stop twitching the entire time, and he kept pressuring me to go back to his place. I noped the f**k outta there."
SandMost7515
Umm... maybe get through the first course before offering your place?
By the Knife
Mad Addams Family GIFGiphy"She pulled out a switchblade mid conversation to slice up a passing ant."
OffWhiteDevil
For My Own Good
"I was planning a first date with this guy years ago and he suggested bowling. I said it was fine, but I've done it once a few years prior and I was legitimately terrible at it. The group I was with at the time made it fun regardless of me being totally uncoordinated."
"He offered to teach me, but I said another time- I just wanted to get to know him in a relaxed environment. He suggested we still bowl, minus the lessons and he could also share in the hilarity of my lack of skill. I was down. The night came and the lessons started almost immediately."
"How to stand, where to stand, everything I'm doing wrong, I'm not taking it seriously, he's trying to teach me 'For my own good.' He became mean. Not one smile except when he saw me at the start. I told him this was not the fun/chill night I said I was looking for and he told me it would be if I took the game more seriously. He was actually angry about the whole night."
Kihana82
Order Again
"He tried to change my order with the waitress because I didn’t order what he’d recommended."
MaggieLuisa
"Oh my God, I came here to say this exact same thing! He suggested something, but I wasn't feeling it. I ordered, and he grabbed the waitress as she tried to walk away, and said 'No, she'll have [xyz] instead, thanks.' And let her go, and that was that. It didn't even occur to him that she wouldn't listen or that I'd be pissed. Walked right out of the restaurant."
starlightsmiles31
Comparisons
"I once went on a first date with a guy who was clearly not over his ex. He spent the entire time talking about her, comparing me to her, and even showing me pictures of them together. It was a huge red flag for me and made it clear that he wasn't ready for a new relationship. Needless to say, I didn't go on a second date with him."
selective_girlfriend
Slug
wrestlemania 22 eating worms GIF by WWEGiphy"He told me he had worms. Not in a casting, fishing, or terrarium kind of way. Full on internal parasites."
verite_404
"Hahaha, I once had a date graphically describe the time he had to remove a tapeworm from his own butt.. while I was trying to eat spaghetti at an expensive Italian restaurant."
Enceladus89
Oof... this is why I'll never date again. #Singleforlife
Do you have any other singles stories? Let us know in the comments below.