Not all folks who are married are meant to be together. That is just a sad fact of life.
Unfortunately, more often than not, those folks do go ahead with the marriage. And they pay lavishly for ceremonies, to fly families out, for food--only to realize on that night that, more likely than not, they are doomed.
u/flyoverthemooon asked:
Here were some of those stories.
Immaturity
My sister-in-law got married last fall and after the ceremony they got in an epic fight over the marriage certificate and didn't come to the reception until 2 hours after it started. A week later, they separated for a few weeks while trashing each other on Facebook. They're still together and she's now pregnant.
I also photographed this wedding and it was the most stressful professional experience I've ever had. I forgot to mention too that the groom and groomsmen dropped a bunch if acid before the ceremony and continued into the reception. He freaked out, had a panic attack, and left.
An Odd Choice
The groom drunkenly cornered my roommate and demanded a blow job as a wedding gift. Apparently he was under the mistaken impression that all gay men are excited to give pretty much anyone a blow job at any time. My roommate declined the invitation.
Shockingly, that marriage did not last.
It's The Drink That Killed It
My good friend was marrying this guy. We will call him Ned. Ned definitely had a drinking problem that everyone swept under the rug. He promised my friend he would keep it under wraps for the wedding. He made it down the aisle but by the reception he was binge drinking.
By then end of the night the groom Ned, completely disappeared. No one could find him. A few nervous laughs turned into mild panic when the lights were turned on in an effort to find him. My husband decided to go look for him in the parking lot where he finds ned on his lips in the dirt. He had smoked a joint and got the spins. My husband tried to talk sense into him reminding him "this is your wedding dude!"
He got Ned to come inside and did the most cringey walk of shame past the bride's family who was very cross with him. Ned was supposed to drive them 11 miles from the venue to their hotel in bride's grandfather's vintage Corvette. He was too drunk to drive so the brides grandfather drove them and the bride had to sit on the middle armrest with no seatbelts.
Grandpa drops them at the hotel. Bride barely gets groom up to the room where he passes out on the bed. Bride had to wander the halls looking for someone to help her out of her wedding dress since her groom was passed out drunk.
The word annulment was definitely floating around that next morning. As crushed as the bride was she stuck it out. 3 years later they are now separated and divorcing because he is still a drunk.
It's All About The Money Money Money
At a friends wedding ( 2 years ago) the bride kept the bar open until 3 am after the groom went home at 10pm. She kept telling everyone that she is just with him because he has money and a flat.
They are now going through a divorce after she cheated on him.
Nagging To Death
We were good friends with a couple who fought all the time. She wanted to get married desperately and he was indifferent. After years of nagging he finally proposed. On the day of the wedding, right before he walked out, he looked at us and sighed "Well, maybe now she will stop nagging at me and finally be happy"
They are now divorced - she cheated on him with some guy she used to date.
Inebriation Isn't A Good Look
The bride got so drunk that the bar cut her (and everyone else) off. The groom was also drunk. People started leaving at midnight, and the bride got mad and yelled about how they were all "ruining" her wedding because she wanted to dance and drink more.
I was their designated driver to get them to their hotel.
The entire drive there, they fought. She berated him. He cried. That was a long 20 minute drive. I could have scrubbed vomit out with cleaners, but the awkwardness has stained that car forever.
They've been together 7 years. Their daughter, born 9 months after the wedding, is adorable.
¯\_ (ツ)_/¯
This Is Just Mean
During the cake cutting he smashed cake in her face. She immediately started crying and went to the bathroom for about 30 mins. Then they got into a huge fight and barely spoke the rest of the night. Shockingly they are still married, but they still fight all the time. She's my friend from college so we keep in touch occasionally. She never has good things to say about him.
Never Together, Truly
My brothers wedding. It was super uncomfortable and awkward during their engagement. My parents kept asking him if he was sure, he said yes. Then came the wedding. Super small. When they said to kiss, they both went in for a peck, but she turned her face at the last minute so he kissed her cheek. My husband yelled for them to do it again (I was also their wedding photographer and he knew I didn't get a good shot). The marriage only got weirder and worse from there. They acted like they were on an awkward first date every day. Finally a year later they divorced.
Alone In A Crowded Room
Husband disappeared two hours in to a six hour reception because he was bored. Just went into the house and hung out on his phone. It was a chill ranch thing with games and drinking and dancing. Adults only.
Also I didn't meet him until the wedding while we (me and the bride) hung out pretty frequently. So there was some lead up to that didn't help.
He wasn't cheating, just watching golf videos.
They lasted less than two months.
They didn't divorce because of that. Dude 180d as soon as the ring was on. Going golfing every night for hours with different groups of people. She asked him to limit it to a couple times a week. She suggested therapy. He blew her off. She got out and is much happier.
The wedding was semi-destination, 6 hours away. His friends drove out there and he ditched them too. The reception was more bon fire-y with free booze and yard games. Stuff both of them had done before with his friends. He bounced right after the obligatory wedding stuff when we finally got to do fun things.
I could try and psychoanalyze what he was thinking, but who knows. Probably some kind of regret.
What A Day. Who Wants To Remember That?!
The groom had his car stolen on the morning of the wedding and spent the whole day swearing and punching inanimate objects because, as we all heard a thousand times that day, not only was it "the most important thing in his life" it also wasn't insured.
The wedding was at a boy scout hall, for no apparent reason... and the reception was in the cafeteria at one of those Underwater World places with the glass tunnel, but no one was allowed to go see the fish because, get this, the whole day had a Lion King theme.
Then towards the end of the night the bride beat one of the bridesmaids half to death because she caught her sleeping with a groomsman who she tearfully admonished for "cheating on her'.
I have no idea how long the marriage lasted for, I never saw or heard from them again.
The Absolute Worst Chain Restaurants
Reddit user Eris3344 asked: 'What is the worst chain restaurant?'
When a restaurant gets popular, the obvious choice is to franchise. The owners pick new locations to open a second or third restaurant, and if those do well, they can open up even more locations.
When I moved from India to America, it was easy to see places like Burger King and Dairy Queen were popular simply because of how many Burger Kings and Dairy Queens existed in just one town.
However, popularity can be subjective. Other times, popularity can be overestimated. Sometimes, opening up more locations isn't what's best for the business. Whatever the case, some chain restaurants are simply just... the worst.
Redditors know this all to well and are eager to share their opinions.
It all started when Redditor Eris3344 asked:
"What is the worst chain restaurant?"
Everyone Knows
"I'm convinced Applebee's isn't a real restaurant. Just a front for repurposed takeout from neighboring restaurants."
– Olclops
"I'm convinced their kitchen is comprised entirely of microwaves"
– ShawshankException
"Years ago, I ordered a burrito that was so bad I sent it back, and the manager said “I don’t blame you one bit.""
"I haven’t been back to Applebees."
– ANJohnson83
Better Sandwiches Everywhere Else
"Subway. Still lost about how they stay in business. The quality keeps dropping, the prices keep rising, the deals are shrinking, and their market share is being cannibalized over the last decade or so by places that offer a superior offering at less or just slightly more. I can walk in and get a Jersey Mikes sub for 10 bucks and it's miles better than anything subway can spit out."
– radiantpenguin991
"The toasted chicken carbonara sandwich from Quiznos handily beat anything Subway could offer at that time."
– yakusokuN8
"Believe it or not, Subway was really crappy back in the early 1990s, and then had a makeover and became good food for awhile. Now they have reverted back to the crap they used to be."
– hatmeworry4
No Chicken
"KFC. How can a chicken place be out of chicken so often? And bring back the corn on the cob as well as the tater wedges you fools."
– TheUnblinkingEye1001
"Bring back the buffet!"
– alwaysmyfault
Such A Rip-Off
"My wife and kids LOVE this place, but I'm just gonna say it: Fazoli's."
"It's literally just microwaved Italian Lean Cuisines (and if it's not I will be VERY surprised). It's not that it's gross, but I don't see the need to go out and pay a premium for it when I can hit up my local grocery store and nuke it at home."
– Guardian-Boy
"Being from the northeast with plenty of Italian and decent fast casual Italian-American food, trying Fazoli's in the mid south destroyed a little bit of my soul."
– EuphoricHighway9817
It Used To Be Awesome
"Burger King - awesome when I was a teenager, sucks now. I dunno, the food quality has gone too downhill for me."
– dayofthedead204
"In my city, all of the BKs were owned by one franchisee. He sold out a few years back."
"The franchise owner ate several meals per week at his restaurants. You didn't know when he was showing up. The restaurants were tight ships. We were spoiled with inexpensive BK that was perfect every time. We had no idea how bad it was outside of town."
"If you wanted good fast food in Lincoln, Nebraska in the 90s, you went to Runza or BK. Everything else was a distant third."
"A few years back, that franchisee sold out to a multi-state conglomerate that owns hundreds of BKs. That conglomerate ran the restaurants into the ground. They've declared bankruptcy."
– flibbidygibbit
"I've noticed a wide range of quality for BK depending on location. They just can't enforce consistency like McD's does."
– Inevitable_Professor
The Days Of Perfect Pizza Are Gone
"They all suck, but Pizza Hut has to be the one that fell the farthest."
– SpaceGoonie
"80s Pizza Hut was the best."
– Mackinacsfuriousclaw
"I've always believed there is money to be made on nostalgia. Pizza Hut executives are letting this demographic slip away. You think they'd offer a once-a-year special to satisfy us old-timers."
"Of course, in addition to my 80's pizza, I'd want a few games sitting down at a cocktail arcade machine..."
– lemming_follower
Lacks In All Aspects
"Hate me if you want, but I can't stand Olive Garden. Their menu is just too limited and their food has no inspiration."
– BackInTheRealWorld
"As soon as I read the question I audibly and reflexively said Olive Garden. Their food is f**king awful and they treat their employees like actual prisoners. F**k Darden."
– Korncakes
"Why would anyone hate you for stating straight-up facts? Olive Garden can't even cook pasta correctly."
– DenL4242
"They can't even drain pasta right. It's all watery slop"
– furiousfran
Cost Doesn't Match Quality
"Panera is on the list too."
– TheMillenniaIFalcon
"Panera costs more than a regular sit down. Totally ridiculous"
– Nature_Goulet
"I'll never understand why a small cup of their mac and cheese is like 7 bucks at the store... and my sister still buys that s**t all the time."
– MoscowMitchMcKremIin
From The Top Of The World
"Papa John's went from the top to the absolute bottom in a very short time. We refuse to order it anymore. It was never great but it has become inedible in the last 5 years or so. We actually threw it out last time we ordered it and made something else."
– ArminTanz
To The Bottom Of The Heap
"Chili’s has gone so far downhill that it’s sad. 15-20 years ago it was the top family restaurant in my eyes. Food was excellent, service was good and the atmosphere was fun. Now, the food is bland, it seems every chili’s is woefully understaffed and every time I go, it feels miserable there. It was one of my favorite places to catch a bite to eat and now I don’t even bother anymore."
– brechbillc1
Sell Out
"Tim Hortons"
– TheCanuckler
"I hate their phony, mass-produced nationalist pandering. Especially from a foreign-owned company that does everything in its power to avoid employing Canadians. No one outside Ontario gave a sh*t about TH until they started spamming TV with ads depicting themselves as a cherished Canadian institution. Where did they get the money to do that? By selling themselves to Wendy's."
– DeliciousPangolin
The Days Of Yore
"Sonic. Which sucks because I remember when the food there used to be good."
– lone_wolf1580
"What year? I’m genuinely curious since I grew up in a place far from sonic but they advertised frequently in my area (Canadian border tv). I tried it in 2010 finally and it was so mediocre I was in disbelief."
– KeyStoneLighter
People Matter
"McDonald's, they treat their workers like sh*t, they get paid to be abused by coworkers, customers, owners, and truck drivers. Get injured? too bad! That's a you problem! Get back to work!! You can't even make enough to SURVIVE food is sh*t, overpriced, and I'd rather eat my own sh*t over mcshit. You have a family member dying? Oh well we need you to come in cus our best Boi Mc. Never does anything wrong needs a month off cus he "earned it" aka siting on his @ss doing nothing while you cook, clean, fry, assemble, and so on!"
"Tldr: McDonald's is a hellhole and far worse than any fast food joint."
– phantom56_
"I’m definitely going to get hate for this but Panda Express."
"The food is mediocre at best but I will give them the benefit that you can’t find a larger portion of food for ~$10 anywhere else. However the real reason I say it is the worst is because due to how popular and widespread they are, it’s given a lot of people in less culturally diverse sectors the idea that all Chinese food is a cheap and greasy struggle meal. I am of East Asian descent and I’ve learned to stop suggesting Chinese food as a first date when meeting a non-Asian girl because I usually get hit with something like “What like Panda Express? Can we go somewhere better?”"
– avg_bleach_enjoyer
I fully conquer.
Do you have any fast food joint you avoid completely?
Let us know in the comments below. Save us from going there.
We've all succumbed to the hype surrounding something, be it a phone, show, or even a new-fangled drink.
Product rollout is so over the top these days.
The "next big thing" is usually promised to change EVERYTHING.
Then the release happens, and... the hype fizzles.
It happens to the best of everything.
From video games to weight loss products, nothing is a guaranteed hit.
Redditor Reeceqld wanted to discuss some of life's biggest flops, so they asked:
"What was supposed to be 'The Next Big Thing,' but totally flopped and tanked?"
Farewell
iphone GIF by Product HuntGiphy"Microsoft held a literal funeral procession for the iPhone when they introduced the Windows Phone."
KaityKat117
"As someone who's worked as a software engineer since the mid-1980s, an industry where rapid change is the norm, one thing has remained the same: Apple is doomed. Any minute now."
UlrichZauber
Movie Fail
"Universal Picture's 'Dark Universe.'"
"The Mummy with Tom Cruise was supposed to start a whole line of movies, but when that one died it took the rest with it."
doowgad1
"The real tragedy is that a Dark Universe is not a bad idea. Various Universal monsters exist in the same universe? Sign me up! However, it played more like an action film than horror, because Tom Cruise cannot be in anything other than an action movie. We might have gotten Javier Bardem Frankenstein’s Monster, that is a perfect casting right there."
ChiefsHat
Negative
"Google+ was supposed to topple Facebook."
Regnes
"This was one of the worst product launches of all time. They had like one week where everyone was super excited about it and wanted to try it and they limited it to invite-only. Very few people could get in. By the time they opened it up to everyone, nobody cared anymore."
PMMeUrHopesNDreams
Never taken off...
"3D TV. I remember those being sold somewhere when we had to buy a couch, and accidentally renting the 3D version of a movie, but it never took off."
Stupid-ForYou
"This isn't anything new. The major issue seems to be that it gives a certain amount of people a headache or they find it otherwise uncomfortable. Add to that the need for the glasses even in the current iteration and you can start to see where there's an accessibility issue too."
NativeMasshole
Get Turkey
"About 25 years ago, they thought ostrich meat would be as popular as chicken."
momobeth
Chicken Nuggets Loop GIFScooped Away
ice cream GIFGiphy"Are Dippin' Dots still the ice cream of the future?"
The4StringSamurai
"Well, they're definitely not the ice cream of the present."
teh_maxh
Hot Wheels
"Segway."
No_Firefighter9295
"They completely underestimated how much we design cities for cars (especially in America) and how unwilling anyone is to change this."
"Look at the 15-minute cities concept. All these people are claiming isn't about population control. Can't even get pedestrians, bicycles, and cars to play nice with each other, let alone something like a Segway. Which is a shame, because if we designed cities for bikes, and segways, we might end up with something quite interesting and useful."
cobarbob
Redundant
"Quibi. It’s like they forgot that we already all had YouTube…"
Dubz1781
"I got the 3-month trial, and it was really weak. I like the idea of 10-minute shows with a new episode a day, I often watch movies I've seen before that way. But it's impossible to deny nobody was asking for it. And the dramas didn't feel like serials, it felt like awkwardly short full episodes, complete with characters standing around reminding the audience of what happened last time, which I'd just watched."
"The reality shows felt like 2 minutes stretched painfully to 10. So yeah, weird concept, the shows didn't really meet the concept anyway, and oh yeah all of the ideas were really half-baked. Here's a horror show set in different states, with legends we just kind of made up. Idris Elba competes with a NASCAR driver to do stunts basically invented for NASCAR drivers. Anna Kendrick made friends with her ex-boyfriend's sentient sex doll."
Maninhartsford
Get a Honda
"The Tata Nano. The company set out to build the lowest price new car in the world, and it succeeded. Unfortunately, newly middle-class Indian families didn’t want the stigma of owning the world’s cheapest new car, so sales never came anywhere close to expectations."
JournalofFailure
"Not a complete failure. It failed because the new chairman of the Tata group didn't see its potential and cash revenue. This led to a boardroom coup with an earlier chairman which led to disclosure that the car was not doing that great. This led to people not wanting nano car and subsequently, it stopped manufacturing in a few years."
jeetendraprasad
Big Fail
New York Yankees Reaction GIF by MLBGiphy"Lytro. It was a light-field camera that allowed you to change a picture's point of focus after taking the image. It had a cool design and neat features capturing an Apple-like aesthetic of form and function. Huge failure but I was obsessed with them for a while."
SchnifTheseFingers
I can't remember half of these things.
So that should tell you everything.
Do you have any to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
While there is still a lot that we don't know, like how to cure cancer and other illnesses, it's undeniable that modern medicine has come a long way.
So much so, there are many illnesses people get today that likely would have killed them without modern medical attention, antibiotics, and perhaps even surgery.
Redditor Inhalegoods**t asked:
"If it wasn't for modern medicine, what [would have] killed you?"
Chest Colds
"Pneumonia and Bronchitis."
- Coveinant
"Me too at five years old. I was hospitalized for days."
- Misspuddintane
Premature Birth
"I was born eight weeks early in 1973. I weighed three pounds. I'm lucky to be here."
- doggofurever
Anaphylaxis with Milk
"Milk…"
"I was born with something nobody really knows about because it’s really rare. It’s called Galactosemia, and it’s basically like being lactose intolerant, but it’s worse."
"If I had milk, I could die. When I was born, they didn’t know I had it, so my mom gave me milk just like a normal baby, and I threw up and started to become unconscious."
"My mom did CPR on me three times, and I spent weeks in the hospital as a newborn just to recover from a single sip of milk."
- bubbling_b***h
Guillian Barre Syndrome
"Guillian Barre Syndrome."
"My immune system turned against my nervous system. Think of your nerves as wires; mine got stripped of the myelin, which is like the insulation."
"Six weeks in the hospital and four years later, walking is difficult with zero feeling in my feet."
"My doctors and people I’ve talked to say they are mostly better after a couple of weeks. I spent that much time just having a nurse clean my bedpan."
- axendo
Early-Onset Diabetes
"Diabetic coma at the age of seven."
- 011_0108_180
"That’s how my son would’ve gone at the age of three… but don’t worry, we’ve been 10 years from a cure for almost 50 years…"
- UnicornGlitterZombie
Wisdom Tooth Troubles
"My wisdom tooth came in, got infected, and the infection was spreading towards my brain."
- ParsnipRude8503
"It's actually really amazing that your teeth and gums can affect both your brain and heart. I'm 23 and only recently learned this."
- Kingpinfanatic
HIV
"HIV."
- Ginshed
"Ufffff, this."
- Kaste90
"I've told my son that when I was his age, getting AIDS literally meant that you were going to die soon."
"It seems as far back to him as Polio wards seemed to me."
- Ginshed
Bee Sting
"I was driving down the freeway and a bee flew in through the window, directly into my neck, immediately driving its stinger into my neck. I’m extremely allergic to all bees, wasps, and hornets."
"I was in between towns. I was 20 to 30 mins from the town and last hospital where I came from and at least 30 minutes from the next town and hospital. I immediately started to swell where it hit me, and within seconds I was barely able to breathe."
"I managed to pull over on a turnout and suddenly recalled I luckily had my friend's extra Epi-pen in the glove box he had left behind. I jammed it into my knee and injected it. I passed out and woke up minutes later, heart racing like crazy, but breathing again."
- Different_Ad9336
Childbirth Complications
"I wouldn't have ever even been born because my mother would've died in childbirth with my brother."
- maplestriker
"Same for me, my mom had to have both my sister and myself removed as she couldn't give birth the traditional way."
- uitSCHOT
Hit By a Car
"Getting run over, three times, in the same year."
- Vast_Cartographer830
"I'm usually not one for victim blaming, but three times within a year? You gotta be more careful of the traffic, man."
- bodopi
"Getting run over three times over your entire lifetime is way too many times."
"Twice would be too many."
- KypDurronn
Basic Eyesight Needs
"Honestly, probably just the fact that I can't see more than a foot in front of my face."
- quirkytorch
"Shut. Up. My glasses broke two days ago. My repair kit should be here from Amazon tomorrow."
"Update: I CAN SEE I CAN SEE. ALL FIXED PRAISE GOD HALLELUJAH I CAN SEE. Praise Amazon too, I guess."
- sabboom
"If you can afford it, I would highly recommend a second pair of dirt cheap glasses. I used to wear glasses years ago and oh man, did that second pair save me so many times."
- nagesagi
Bacterial Infections
"A bacterial infection, for sure."
- idea_maxx_7777
"I got a skin infection in a small cut, cellulitis. I thought the swelling and itching was just a bug bite because I’m moderately allergic. Without IV antibiotics in the ER, I would have gone septic and died within a few hours after realizing something was actually wrong."
- 3aCurlyGirl
Ear Infections
"Childhood ear infections."
- hungrydruid
"This is a good one. I used to get them almost monthly, then mysteriously stopped after seven or eight years of being constantly ill."
- scalyreptilething
Asthma
"Probably asthma. If not, then breast cancer would've for sure."
- emotional_lemon8
"I wouldn't have made it to my fifth birthday due to asthma without modern medicine. Even still, the priest at the Catholic hospital I was in wanted to perform last rights on me due to the severity of one of my attacks. My mom refused them and I pulled through."
"By the time I hit puberty, I had outgrown it, and it's all just a hazy memory."
"As to breast cancer, my grandmother beat it twice and lived to 91 and died of completely unrelated natural causes thanks to modern medicine. I wish the same for you!"
- CBus66OR
Solved by Gatorade
"Dysentery."
"Most people back in the day died from diarrhea alone because it would f**k up the inside of their intestines and ruin their water retention, i.e. you dehydrate faster and easier and can't drink enough to fix it, which gives lighter diseases like the flu a chance to go for the kill."
"The funniest thing about the disease is the fact that it ravaged human populations for eons, and the solution is fundamentally Gatorade. It was comprised of readily-available resources we always had access to, but it wasn't until relatively recently that we had a strong enough understanding of nutrition, the human body, and medicine to realize we could literally just slap some flavored saltwater and electrolytes together and help somebody."
- SleeplessS**tposter
Modern medicine clearly has come a long way and millions of people over time, but it will be interesting to see how much more we can say has been saved in the next ten years.
Food poisoning can hit you at any time and no one's immune.
All it takes is one horrific experience for you to swear off certain types of dishes, cuisine, or restaurants for good–even if you craved them before.
Even the foods you prepare in your own kitchen and consume can give you a night spent on the bathroom floor due to casual negligence like failing to inspect the expiration date on packaged foods or undercooking meat.
Strangers shared their microbe-attack experiences after Redditor Plastickfantastick asked:
"What’s that food that gave you food poisoning?"
Warning: these examples are extremely graphic. Do not read before eating if you have a weak stomach.
These Redditors never thought twice about what they were eating before realizing they were about to have a bad food encounter.
Bad Diner Chicken
"Fried chicken from a Kmart diner back in ‘97. Got it before a shift at my job, an hour later, explosive vomiting and diarrhea at my job . Those poor bastards."
– Graehaus
History Of Digestive Violence
"Improperly cooked and/or poorly sourced shrimp, in a Thai dish I usually love from our go-to takeout place. Last week. Minor case. Seattle."
"E. coli lettuce. 2005. Not as minor. San Mateo."
"Orange Julius. 1988. Required a trip to the ER. One night in the hospital. Prior to, I had no idea the human body could emit liquids with such sustained force and in such quantities. Great Falls, Montana."
– ifollowthisstuff
Microbial Passengers
"Egg salad sandwich from a truck stop. Ended up getting worms who transformed my body into a stronger person. But then my friends shrunk themselves down and got rid of them…"
– throwing_this_sh*t_
Red flags were missed here.
Hardly Boiled Egg
"I ate a questionable hard boiled egg and barfed so hard I slipped a disc in my back and couldn't walk for over a month. Eventually I had been away from my sh**ty retail job for so long, I had a full on meltdown at the thought of going back. I quit and got a way better job with more freedom, less stress, and decent pay for how little I work. It's awesome. That stupid egg changed my whole damn life."
– edie_the_egg_lady
Barely Frozen Pizza
"Frozen pizza that hadn't stayed frozen the entire time. My grocery store, that I no longer patronize, is very cheap and runs their freezers a bit too warm and has no problem tossing thawed or expired things back on the shelf."
"This pizza had odd ice crystals inside the plastic pouch that I had never seen before, that should have been the tip-off, but I baked the thing and it seemed fine before and after, like no discoloration or smell."
"But that thing came out both ends at around 2AM I barely made it to the bathroom."
– Kinetic_Kill_Vehicle
The Sadist
"Coconut shrimp from a Chinese place by my old place. Every time I went to that place, I got sick. Started going there to take a sick day. Still kept eating those tasty shrimps and getting sick."
"9/10, would eat those tasty little bastards again."
– Abadatha
Some were able to make it to the bathroom amidst their bowel distress.
Others, unfortunately, didn't.
Have It Your Way
"Burger King"
"me, my wife and 3 kids all fighting for one toilet."
– TrailerParkPrepper
"it's always burger king man 😭"
"one time I had a horrible ear infection and after I ate burger king i somehow ended up with a stomach infection as well."
"like what the F'K burger king. the smell of a womper gives me anxiety now lmao."
– beecycle
Emergency Stop
"It wasn’t food poisoning, but it was a bad time. We had gone about an hour away to a nice restaurant, and I knew the salad dressing wasn’t right- I even asked about it. They said it was fine, but not 20 minutes out, I had a problem. I have never before in my life felt like I was going to have no choice in the matter as to what was about to pass through my lowest sphincter. I pointed at a lone Walgreens that I knew was going to be my only choice at all between the points, and my husband stopped. I believe I uttered, 'Bathroom.'"
"It was almost closing, and I said nothing more as I left the car. I beelined to the bathroom and proceeded to experience my bowels expelling so much product with so much fluid I’m pretty sure I passed things I only thought about eating or drinking. I passed things my husband ate. I passed things I ate in other lives, in other realms, in other existences. For a brief moment, I defied physics and created matter from nothing. Every video I ever saw of oil being drained from cars, pipes being cleared of muck, and farmers towing old tires through backed up culverts flashed before my eyes. I had to flush out of fear of the pile getting too big. I was literally laughing at myself, which I am certain the kind workers vacuuming the hallway could hear- along with my underwater bassoon solo- as they patiently waited for me to leave, so they could close."
"It was probably 10:20 when I left that bathroom with as much pride as I could muster, patting the sweat off my brow as that smell followed me to the front of the store. Everyone avoided me, but watched from a distance with what I like to think was some sort of awe. I walked out, hearing the lock thrown behind me with speed and agility never before seen from a chain pharmacy employee, and briefly wondered if they thought that through- the door was the best way to remove the smell. I suppose having had twenty minutes to discuss it, they considered it more valuable to remove the creator of the smell than the smell itself. But I digress."
"I walked over to the car, my husband in the drivers seat, no real clue what was going on other than a 30 minute bathroom break. I opened the door, gracefully (but maybe slightly gingerly) got into the car, looked him in his concerned eyes, took his hands, and calmly said, 'Well, we can never go back there again.'"
– danceswithsockson
Rumbly In My Tumbly
"Not necessarily food poisoning, but I ate a pressed Cuban sandwich one time that ended up making me leave my underwear and shorts on a dirt road somewhere in Florida."
"Felt a rumbly in my tumbly while driving from Tampa to Destin and next thing you know I just sh*t all over myself. Thank god I happened to have a change of clothes."
– Emergency_Flounder58
Unpleasant Drive Home
"French Dip from Perkins in Blytheville, Arkansas around 2002."
"Was in town from 3 hours away for a job. Did job, grabbed lunch at Perkins."
"Started driving home. Mind you, there’s nothing but farms between Blytheville and home. Hour into the drive I’m sweating and not feeling great. Chalk it up to Arkansas heat and my sh**ty car’s sh**tier air conditioning."
"Feel a fart coming. Feels like a doozy, so being a man in my mid-20’s i give it some back pressure for bigger sound for a laugh."
"….annnnd i force-fed my pants a liter of liquid feces and had to sit in it for the remaining hot, humid 2 hours home."
"(Bonus: car was stick shift, so got to slosh my shame around every time i used the clutch)"
– Moist_When_It_Counts
After prom, I suggested my group of friends to go to a fancy Beverly Hills restaurant for some prime rib, and they were all in.
I was the only one who chose creamed spinach as a side while everyone else had mashed potatoes. I should've gone with the majority.
Something about my creamed spinach didn't taste right, but I figured a fancy restaurant could never serve up poor quality dishes.
I could've had a stomach flu, perhaps. When I got home after dinner, I immediately bee-lined over to the bathroom and projectile-vomited my fancy meal.
The worst part was when my older brother woke up from the sounds coming from the bathroom late at night and scolded me for underage-drinking when I had not been doing that.
Geez, kick a man while he's down.
Anyway, it was a great prom. The dinner, not-so-much.