
Families are usually pretty adept at keeping up with appearances.
Nobody knows about curmudgeonly grandpa who cheated on grandma or another family member with a criminal history.
If the Desperate Housewives have taught us anything, it's that every family has skeletons in the closet.
The picture-perfect families tucked behind their white picket fences in the utopian neighborhood of Wisteria Lane were anything but model citizens.
Like their pearly whites gleaming in the morning sunlight, the depiction of their idyllic life was nothing but a veneer to disguise the darkness and corruption lurking behind closed doors.
However, that was all just nighttime soap opera histrionics.
Nothing is quite as dramatic in real life. Or is it?
Redditor aesthetic3 wanted to find out the moment people had an unsettling epiphany about their family by asking:
"What was your 'I'm in a toxic family' moment?"
Poverty Showers
"When my friend pointed out that most people are allowed to shower every day without having to negotiate it."
"Average middle class life. This continued until I was an adult with my own job contributing to expenses, too."
The Upstaged Mother
"I had my graduation from engineering the same day as my mother's birthday. I, of course, had nothing to do with the date choosing. My mother said I 'ruined her birthday' so she scheduled her birthday party to be on my actual birthday. Her birthday is March, mine is August."
Mama Lies
"My mom makes up lies then makes me look like the liar."
"It's called gaslighting. It's also just conveniently 'not remembering' that she agreed to something previously."
Angry Father
"My dad screamed at me for 20 minutes when I was 11, called me a b*tch and told me to get the hell out of his house when I casually mentioned we seem to argue more than other families."
"Edit, my heart hurts for everyone who shared their trauma. I'm giving you all a big hug right now. Things can get better, and I'm hoping it does for all of you. When you can, address your trauma, reach out and talk to someone. My dad regrets not having talked to someone about what he went through as a kid because of how much it hurt his own family. The problem with taking the stance of simply 'refusing to be my (blank),' is you create a whole new set of bad behaviors because you are trying to over compensate. Freedom is acknowledging that in some ways you may be like (blank), but that doesn't make you them."
Desire To Reach Out
"When I moved in with my SO and noticed she called her family for things I would never call my own for because she actually likes them and doesn't see communicating with them as an obligation, but rather because she wanted them to be part of her everyday life."
– Nambot
Same
"This is something I noticed with my husband too. He talks to his family almost daily and has a good familiar relationship with his parents. I talk to my family maybe twice a year and it fills me with dread. Doing family stuff with him is hard and it makes me uncomfortable to be around a "normal" family. Like i just don't know how to act lol"
Troubled Parents
"An absentee father that ran guns and a mom that was into druid religious bullsh*t and had no time. Plus abject poverty. I get it. My wife has a wonderful connection with her entire family. The last cousin I blocked asked me for another 'loan.'"
– xynix_ie
The Wrong Christmas Color
"When my ex sister-in-law broke into my house and started painting my living room while I was at work. Apparently, she didn't like the colour and that would just ruin her Christmas."
"Yup. She also used to break in and wear my clothes, sell my things without permission, give me veiled insults in front of people, demand money, talk bad behind everyone's back, lie about being abused, scam charities for struggling mothers for money/gifts, tell people her son was autistic when he isn't, claim to be illiterate/learning disabled for benefits, claim she was a genius (she dropped out of grade 9 and was the dumbest person I have ever met. I know education does not equal intelligence but she was f'king dumb. Cunning and manipulative, but dumb.), paint her partner as an abusive scumbag to people, and have outbursts when she doesn't get her way. She also stole my ex's inheritance. She asked me if I had any clothes for her pregnant friend when I was very underweight due to anorexia. When she was a kid, she would lock herself in the bathroom to give herself bruises that she would blame on her brothers. For fun."
"I spent six years putting up with her antics and would get, "BuT ShE's mY sIsTeR" whenever I got upset. I have about, let's see, eight million stories."
"She was a narcissist, what can I say?"
"ETA story."
The Devil's Spawn
"When my overly religious grandma tried to defend her blatant favoritism of my older sister by telling me that I was 'born evil.'"
The Taboo Subject
"When I found out a lot of my family members are child predator's and everyone knows but no ones talks about it."
An Enabling Mother
"The day I joined a specialty school and was informed that it was not, in fact, normal for my father and brother to relentlessly mock me for my Autism."
"Literally spent 15 years being called horrid things and being patronized for my interests, and I legitimately thought that was just what male family members did, because my mother would never stop them."
– Circecil
Traumatic Childhood
"7 years old. My dad hadn't been home for three days. My mom put us kids in the car and drove to every bar in town until she saw my dad's truck. Then she told me to go into the bar, look for my dad and tell him to come home. I refused, so she sent my 4 year old brother in."
"One year later on a family trip I couldn't find my brother. The bathroom door of the house we were staying at was locked for a really long time. I had a bad feeling about it so I just stood outside the door. Eventually my little brother and uncle came out of the bathroom. I asked what was going on and my uncle kept saying, 'nothing. Everything's fine. Everything's fine.'"
"Having been indoctrinated the previous school year about the dangers of child molesters, I dragged my brother away and asked my brother if my uncle had touched his penis. My brother said yes. I dragged him to my mother and told her. I could feel that the rest of the vacation was tense, but I have no idea what my parents did about it if anything. That same year my uncle went to prison for molesting boys in our town. He's still in prison today. For years as a child my mother made me and my brother go to the prison on visitation days and spend time with that uncle."
"I realized my parents would never protect me."
Temper, Temper
"I always thought my family was normal, it was just big and loud and everyone had tempers. Then I told someone a funny story involving my little sister throwing a loaf of bread at my mom... the look on their face told me not to stop there and not get to the part where she threatened to burn down the house with all of us in it."
Depression Is "Rude And Inconvenient"
"When my mom yelled at me for being depressed. She was saying how rude and inconvenient it is for everyone around me that I was depressed. She was screaming so hard that her face was all red. She screamed at me frequently. She would always wait until I was in the car with her because I would be unable to leave. I stopped talking to her after that and she played the victim."
"She apparently was suffering because she was 'abandoned by her daughter.' No one in my family wanted to hear my side of things, no one reached out to check in on me. I was made out to be th bad selfish daughter. Now, I don't have a relationship with anyone in my family. I cut both my parents off after I realized they both will not change or get help or see they ever did anything wrong. It's been tough to deal with the emotions of it all, especially the emotions I felt when I was younger and in their care. I've been working on it with therapy for a few years now. But it's been a necessary decision for me to cut those ties. So I can focus on myself and my growth and healing the parts of me that have been broken from my past."
"Be Mean"
"I was 9 and I was really nice to poor guy selling shirts out of the back of his truck. My dad pulled me away and told me directly 'it's great to be nice to people, Chris, but be mean too. You want people to be a little scared of you.'"
"Even at 9 I was like 'bruh that's not... Great' and it really was an interaction that shaped our relationship. I went on to teach, have a vibrant friend group (every year a dozen of us meet up for new years and were in the 10th year this year!), and generally I love people. It's in my work and in every fibre of my life."
"He... Died alone of an overdose about 10 years ago. The funeral would've been basically empty if not for all the friends who came to console me."
The list of what irritates me is endless.
I mean... breathing too loud or dust can set me off.
I'm a bit unstable, yes.
But I'm not alone.
So let's discuss.
Redditor Aburntbagel6 wanted to hear about all the times many of us just couldn't control our disdain. They asked:
"What never fails to piss you off?"
I feel like this article can go on forever. Let's get some highlights.
Wasted Time
"Meetings that could and should have been an email."
Sirena609
Lotto People
"Getting stuck behind people playing the lottery at a corner store."
thenuggetlover
"I also used to work in a gas station and you’re SO right. I f**king hated the lottery people. Especially since my store had a small staff and there was usually only one of us working at a time, which meant that I couldn’t get any of my other work done as long as they were there."
"And you’re right, it’s also pretty sad to watch. I had one lady who used to come in every day and spent hundreds and HUNDREDS of dollars on scratch tickets. One day, she won $200 after spending probably around $600 and she was so excited and saying she can 'finally pay her bills.'"
i-am-your-god-now
Aware...
"No situational awareness. Job, home, shopping, driving. Think for one minute and go about. OBSERVE!!"
Dizzy-Foundation8122
"My mom is one of those people who leave the shopping cart in the middle of the damn aisle and proceed to walk twenty feet away. After correcting her a million times to no effect I just walk away now so people don’t know I’m with her."
OutrageousEvent
Shut Up!
"Endless barking in the middle of the night, I love animals but that sh*t I can't stand."
Acceptable-Lemon2924
"Endless barking in general drives me up a wall. One of my friends dogs was barking almost an entire gaming session the other day. I wanted to reach through the computer and smack him for letting it go on."
bangersnmash13
Kindness
"People being mean to service workers, especially if the workers are very young."'
scaryboilednoodles
All of these things. I hate them all.
Admit It
"People who never accept fault when they mess something up. Like, why blame a million people when it was clearly you who did it???"
Quirky-Area-8978
From Above
"My upstairs neighbors."
lutzow89
"I had terrible neighbors at my previous apartment. It was a one person studio for students, but her boyfriend was clearly living with her illegally and he was loud."
"One night we knocked n the door at 3 AM because of the loud music and an unknown girl opened the door. I just thought they were having a little party. But the next door I saw the girl living there come home with a suitcase after having been away for the weekend... Her BF was cheating on her in her own apartment."
Th3_Accountant
Move Away
"People who sit directly next to me at the airport, movie theater, any other place where you can choose a seat when there is PLENTY of other seating."
BacardiPardy33
"I can’t YES this enough and the ones who can’t park for crap so they park so close you can’t open doors on one side of the car or the ones who park directly behind when you pulled through so the door won’t open to load groceries."
BacardiPardy33
It's Over
"People who try to restart old drama. Like I'm done with you, just leave me alone."
Tired_Potatos
"Yep, half the reason I've basically quit playing one of my favorite online video games. People keep bringing old crap up or sh*tting on on someone who used to be our friend. I got tired of it so I just ejected the game out of me."
CaucasianHumus
AHHHHH!!!
"People walking too slow in front of me with no way to get around them. It’s even worse if it’s a couple or group taking up the whole sidewalk. HAVE SOME SPATIAL AWARENESS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!"
_-v0x-_
Life in general pisses me off. I'm easy.
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If you, like millions of others, had your little 90s heart held in an unyielding vice grip by Jonathan Taylor Thomas, I'm gonna need you to sit down and take a few deep breaths because I'm about to say something so controversial, yet so freeing for you.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas was not all that and your passionate love for him was classic Disney manipulation. It's not your fault.
You weren't in 90s love - you were traumatized, and it's gonna be okay.
Reddit user Endowedx7 asked:
"90s babies.. who was your first television crush?!"
First of all, nobody followed directions and we jumped from TV to movies to cartoons super fast.
Secondly, the sheer number of people who say Jonathan Taylor Thomas when this question is asked just hurts my soul. He, honestly, was a B-rate heartthrob at best.
His hair wasn't perfectly parted and platinum-like Jonathan Brandis (RIP)
Thomas Ian Nicholas had stronger "3 first names" power.
JTT lacked the shy smile Devon Sawa served with ease.
Even Andrew Keegan started a cult.
What did Jonathan Taylor Thomas do to earn so much adoration?
I theorize that the answer, quite simply, boils down to trauma bonding. We fell in love with Simba, and his little cries over Mufasa, and that was it; JTT was now our forever favorite because of the Circle of Life.
Dang Disney is good - but also kind of evil. Now that you know, you can heal. Go forth in peace.
Bask in Reddits favorite Non-JTT 90's crushes.
Devon. Duh.
"Casper, Devon Sawa"
- ramblinator
"Hard yes at Devon. Casper 'Can I keep you?' wrecked me 😭"
"Also in Now and Then, Idle Hands, Final Destination. They were my faces. Oof, the 90s were a time."
- coma-toaste
"My sister actually just met him at some sort of convention in Dallas. She sent me a pic, because she knew how much I loved Devon."
- ShataraBankhead
"Devon Sawa was my first crush. My friends could keep JTT, I only had eyes for Devon."
- bassgirl_07
"This was the answer I was looking for. He looked beautiful to me at a kid watching that movie."
- Noppo_and_Gonta
A Science Lady
"Scully. I love me a science lady."
- silverblaze92
"Lort yes Scully with that fire red hair and those soft eyes!!!!"
"Underrated crush. She was beautiful!"
- Drops_USMiC
"I still have the biggest crush on her. Literal schoolgirl crush, blush and all."
"It took me like 10 years to realize that straight girls don't like other girls the way I adored Scully."
"Aaaaaand that's how I realized I was definitely bi."
- juniper-mint
"Scully and Velma were my biggest fictional crushes growing up, I just like nerdy ladies. 🤷🏻♂️
- Foofsies
Daddy Shang
"Captain-turned-General Li Shang from Mulan."
"The first time he took his shirt off made a lasting impact that I was not prepared for."
- g_lay
"Lol it did for Mulan, too."
"It occurred to me recently that she'd likely never seen a shirtless man who wasn't her dad, so that specimen was her first..."
- kdbartleby
"Daddy Shang"
- supholmess
"BRUUUHHHH Shang yes"
- TheObservationalist
"Sign me up for the next war!"
- ElderBrute
Brendan
"BRENDAN FRASER"
- purplehairedcatdaddy
"Came here to say this! For me it was George of the Jungle, the bowls scene changed me."
- sheehosellstheshells
"God he was sexy, especially with long hair."
"He was done so dirty. Glad he’s getting more work now but he deserves more."
- Viiibrations
"Omg, I was so in love with him. I even watched that stupid Dudley Do-Right movie."
"Everybody loved him for his body, but I'd still give it to him today though. Chubby guys ftw."
- Iced_Jade
...And Everyone's Bisexual Awakening
"I came here to say Brendan too. George of the Jungle and The Mummy… 🤤"
- Tough_Raspberry1983
"As a bisexual, The Mummy and The Mummy Returns had me feeling so many ways. Poor young me didn’t know who to focus on more lmao"
- starkrocket
"Lets be honest here, practically the entire main cast of the Mummy qualifies."
- Skylis
"The Mummy was a glorious bisexual awakening for so many people."
- shallowbasketcase
Its Morphin Time
"Kimberly, the pink ranger. She can still get it, wherever she is."
- END0WEDx
"You are the man, OP, for responding to your own question with the best answer. "
"This too was my first tv crush. She was all that back then."
- Mikernoce
"The episode where the Tigerzord and Thunder Megazord get destroyed... She had no right wearing that outfit for us kids but I'm so glad she did."
- [Reddit]
"This is the one."
"I was like 4 watching power rangers in my underwear, and I thought she could see through the TV and I got embarrassed and put pants on."
- TheOfficialTheory
Starfleet Standards
"Jonathan Frakes. That beard fetish has followed me around for the last 25 years."
- Cutegun
"Omg, yes. Daddy Riker has me feeling all kinds of ways that are surely not up to Starfleet standards."
- hardly_trying
"Ohh yeah. There’s a reason why he was always written as the one seducing (or being seduced by) hot alien women."
"And yes, I too grew up to love men with beards. 😆"
- tourmaline82
"It’s unsettling to re-watch the first season before his beard was a cast member. Deeply unsettling."
- lunaleather
Flintstones
"Halle Berry from the 1994 Flintstones movie."
"Oh. My. God. I was obsessed."
- ImLikeLicorice
"I remember thinking 'wtf is that cleavage doing in a PG Steven Spielberg movie?' But at the same time, I was perfectly ok with it."
- Ooze3d
Shakira Shakira
"I remember watching Shakira in a music video on MTV when I was 9 and being completely mesmerized 😂"
- MoAdibbb
"Yes, same for me. I was 8 and Whenever Wherever was everywhere on TV and radio."
- lucitribal
"Me too! She just did it for me and I was like 4... It's literally one of the earliest memories I still have."
- Dazius06
Merry Christmas
"Aaron Carter on the Christmas episode of Lizzie McGuire…. Lol what a time!"
- illbeokayeventually
"I met him when I worked at the airport. Came in wearing a beanie and a bathrobe."
"He was super friendly though 😅"
- evergreenxsage
"I was scrolling for this answer! I can picture the Christmas episode in my head!"
- Helpful_Cat0808
"I swore I was the only one who saw this and just never said it out loud."
- sheisvoid
The Static
"I hope video games count!"
"I remember walking up to the TV to kiss Link."
"The static made it more fun lol"
- mommasoggydoggyup
Hexes And Homos
"The Hex Girls from Scooby-Doo! and The Witch's Ghost"
- TheMissingChapstick
"Oh the Hex Girls are required crushes for every young gays development."
- [Reddit]
"Honestly I should've realized I wasn't straight sooner, those hex girls were FINE"
- Azusanga
"I'm convinced the Hex Girls singer Thorn was the reason so many guys my age were into scene girls when they were younger."
- What----------------
"The hex girls definitely awakened something inside of me when I was younger."
- abloobudoo009
Something Awesome
"April O'Neil from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
- N_Tracer
"I just remember thinking there was something really awesome about that yellow jumpsuit"
- Crazyjaw
"My God, that Yellow jump suit."
- AdamBombTV
"If my mom would walk in the room while April was on the screen I would get so nervous and awkward like she walked in on me watching porn."
- Japhysiva
Peter
"Jeremy Sumpter in Peter Pan"
- Obvious-Olive8241
"OHHHHHH weee you just took me down nostalgia lane. That boy had me dead for a solid week straight."
"Kept rewatching Peter Pan again and again to pretend I was Wendy 🥺😭"
- a_sunny_disposition
"Same, even convinced my parents to take me to L.A. to a Ronald Mc Donald race in Griffith park to meet him, and the day of the race we got lost and didn’t get to meet him."
"I almost cried when i saw everyones picture with him on this forum called Jeremy’s angels."
- Aggravating_Row2179
Gargoyles Need Love Too
"The female gargoyle in the Gargoyles cartoon."
"My siblings made fun of me for this for like 10 years until they forgot about it. I hope they never remember lol."
- Spirit860
See?
TONS of non-JTT options for all tastes!
We can finally be free, my friends. Free!
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How did these scam calls become such a problem.
They're an epidemic.
If I get one more robocall today, I may through a phone through a window.
I've go to start scaring these people off.
Would that even work?
Redditor vmcards17 wanted to hear about how we can get creative with those non-stop phone calls that are driving us mad!
They asked:
"What’s the funniest way to answer a scammer’s call?"
My first thought is... "LEAVE ME ALONE!!"
Blood
"Don't say 'hello' just pick up the phone and say 'it's done, but there's blood everywhere. I'll need your help cleaning it up. Bring bleach, trash bags and that large saw from the garage.' and then just hang up."
FinnbarMcBride
Pretend
"Pretend to be elderly and confused. You’ll hook them immediately and can then proceed with wasting the most of their time."
Bananaman1229
"This is my go to, my record is 8min of slowing asking them to repeat it and ask about my benefits or what the package includes. If it’s the solar guys I ask about the panel type and what crew they will use. Sometime I tell them I just moved or ask about the weather."
brapo68
language by language...
"I gave the phone to my neighbor who talked to them in Pennsylvania German. My neighbor is Amish. Then the person on the phone tried to use regular German, but all they knew was 'Sprechen Sie Deutsch.' When my Amish neighbor said yeah and then rattled off in a mix of German and dutch the scammer hung up."
"Then they called back not 20 minutes later. So I spoke to them in Chinese. But they kept telling me to speak in English. They hung up after about two minutes."
elanrach
Hold Please
"In a forum online, a girl answered a call with a Caller ID that came up as fraud. She answered breathlessly, 'Can you hold on? I'm having sex.' She clicked on porn and set the phone next to the computer's speaker. The guy listened for half an hour."
SciFi_Author
HOW?!?!
"HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?!?"
"Answer every phone call that way."
RogueNine
Why did I not think of some of these sooner?
Hey Bob
"Bob's orphanage, you make 'em we take 'em."
Spicy_French-Fry
Gotcha!
"Wasting time of scammers? One of the most fun activities to do. Have wasted the time of one guy who wanted to scam me with steam cards and such.. I impersonated a local I know and talked like him, acted like him and mocked the scammer in subtle ways. Was really funny, I streamed that entire sh**show to my friends."
"Me mocking a scammer and giving them useless steam-gift codes, even telling them that they are like any other guy out there trying to scam me and such. It's really hilarious when you think about that me telling to that guy that he is like any other guy who wants to scam me made them trying even harder instead of acknowledging that he was completely played by me the entire time."
"We had five hours pure fun together, the scammer lost five hours of lifetime."
ShadowLemon313
Tricks and Treats
"I once worked for a legitimate call centre where we called people who ticked boxes, on forms and stuff, saying they'd be interested in X product or service. It was a crap job and I got out of it ASAP, but it paid by the hour (not commission). People would hang up, pretend it was the wrong number, pretend not to speak English, and all kinds of stuff (even though I'd be happy to just remove their info if they asked, and I always offered)."
"But when people pulled the whole 'Just wait a minute' trick, and left the phone down, it was a welcome break. I could just doodle pictures, browse the internet, and generally relax, because the system had me down as on a call. And I was still getting paid the same."
"I once spent an hour and a half like that, before the woman picked the phone up, realized I was sill there, asked me what the hell was wrong with me, and hung up. This may well have been a similar thing."
BadgerSituation
You Win!
"In your best Announcer's Voice:"
"You've reached KSCM 99.3 The River, you're on the air and you are the seventh caller! Are you excited? ARE YOU EXCITED???"
Hysterical_Realist
I'm trying all of these. And also... "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!"
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Comedy is in a very tricky place right now.
There is so much to NOT laugh about in this world.
In truth, many of us have forgotten how to laugh.
And certain jokes that are told, make people afraid to laugh.
So what do we do?
We tell inappropriate jokes apparently.
Let's hear some...
Redditor CrewCreation wanted to hear some "risky" comedy. So they asked:
"What’s the best morbid joke you know?"
***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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