Families are usually pretty adept at keeping up with appearances.
Nobody knows about curmudgeonly grandpa who cheated on grandma or another family member with a criminal history.
If the Desperate Housewives have taught us anything, it's that every family has skeletons in the closet.
The picture-perfect families tucked behind their white picket fences in the utopian neighborhood of Wisteria Lane were anything but model citizens.
Like their pearly whites gleaming in the morning sunlight, the depiction of their idyllic life was nothing but a veneer to disguise the darkness and corruption lurking behind closed doors.
However, that was all just nighttime soap opera histrionics.
Nothing is quite as dramatic in real life. Or is it?
Redditor aesthetic3 wanted to find out the moment people had an unsettling epiphany about their family by asking:
"What was your 'I'm in a toxic family' moment?"
Poverty Showers
"When my friend pointed out that most people are allowed to shower every day without having to negotiate it."
"Average middle class life. This continued until I was an adult with my own job contributing to expenses, too."
The Upstaged Mother
"I had my graduation from engineering the same day as my mother's birthday. I, of course, had nothing to do with the date choosing. My mother said I 'ruined her birthday' so she scheduled her birthday party to be on my actual birthday. Her birthday is March, mine is August."
Mama Lies
"My mom makes up lies then makes me look like the liar."
"It's called gaslighting. It's also just conveniently 'not remembering' that she agreed to something previously."
Angry Father
"My dad screamed at me for 20 minutes when I was 11, called me a b*tch and told me to get the hell out of his house when I casually mentioned we seem to argue more than other families."
"Edit, my heart hurts for everyone who shared their trauma. I'm giving you all a big hug right now. Things can get better, and I'm hoping it does for all of you. When you can, address your trauma, reach out and talk to someone. My dad regrets not having talked to someone about what he went through as a kid because of how much it hurt his own family. The problem with taking the stance of simply 'refusing to be my (blank),' is you create a whole new set of bad behaviors because you are trying to over compensate. Freedom is acknowledging that in some ways you may be like (blank), but that doesn't make you them."
Desire To Reach Out
"When I moved in with my SO and noticed she called her family for things I would never call my own for because she actually likes them and doesn't see communicating with them as an obligation, but rather because she wanted them to be part of her everyday life."
– Nambot
Same
"This is something I noticed with my husband too. He talks to his family almost daily and has a good familiar relationship with his parents. I talk to my family maybe twice a year and it fills me with dread. Doing family stuff with him is hard and it makes me uncomfortable to be around a "normal" family. Like i just don't know how to act lol"
Troubled Parents
"An absentee father that ran guns and a mom that was into druid religious bullsh*t and had no time. Plus abject poverty. I get it. My wife has a wonderful connection with her entire family. The last cousin I blocked asked me for another 'loan.'"
– xynix_ie
The Wrong Christmas Color
"When my ex sister-in-law broke into my house and started painting my living room while I was at work. Apparently, she didn't like the colour and that would just ruin her Christmas."
"Yup. She also used to break in and wear my clothes, sell my things without permission, give me veiled insults in front of people, demand money, talk bad behind everyone's back, lie about being abused, scam charities for struggling mothers for money/gifts, tell people her son was autistic when he isn't, claim to be illiterate/learning disabled for benefits, claim she was a genius (she dropped out of grade 9 and was the dumbest person I have ever met. I know education does not equal intelligence but she was f'king dumb. Cunning and manipulative, but dumb.), paint her partner as an abusive scumbag to people, and have outbursts when she doesn't get her way. She also stole my ex's inheritance. She asked me if I had any clothes for her pregnant friend when I was very underweight due to anorexia. When she was a kid, she would lock herself in the bathroom to give herself bruises that she would blame on her brothers. For fun."
"I spent six years putting up with her antics and would get, "BuT ShE's mY sIsTeR" whenever I got upset. I have about, let's see, eight million stories."
"She was a narcissist, what can I say?"
"ETA story."
The Devil's Spawn
"When my overly religious grandma tried to defend her blatant favoritism of my older sister by telling me that I was 'born evil.'"
child devil GIFGiphyThe Taboo Subject
"When I found out a lot of my family members are child predator's and everyone knows but no ones talks about it."
An Enabling Mother
"The day I joined a specialty school and was informed that it was not, in fact, normal for my father and brother to relentlessly mock me for my Autism."
"Literally spent 15 years being called horrid things and being patronized for my interests, and I legitimately thought that was just what male family members did, because my mother would never stop them."
– Circecil
Traumatic Childhood
"7 years old. My dad hadn't been home for three days. My mom put us kids in the car and drove to every bar in town until she saw my dad's truck. Then she told me to go into the bar, look for my dad and tell him to come home. I refused, so she sent my 4 year old brother in."
"One year later on a family trip I couldn't find my brother. The bathroom door of the house we were staying at was locked for a really long time. I had a bad feeling about it so I just stood outside the door. Eventually my little brother and uncle came out of the bathroom. I asked what was going on and my uncle kept saying, 'nothing. Everything's fine. Everything's fine.'"
"Having been indoctrinated the previous school year about the dangers of child molesters, I dragged my brother away and asked my brother if my uncle had touched his penis. My brother said yes. I dragged him to my mother and told her. I could feel that the rest of the vacation was tense, but I have no idea what my parents did about it if anything. That same year my uncle went to prison for molesting boys in our town. He's still in prison today. For years as a child my mother made me and my brother go to the prison on visitation days and spend time with that uncle."
"I realized my parents would never protect me."
Temper, Temper
"I always thought my family was normal, it was just big and loud and everyone had tempers. Then I told someone a funny story involving my little sister throwing a loaf of bread at my mom... the look on their face told me not to stop there and not get to the part where she threatened to burn down the house with all of us in it."
Depression Is "Rude And Inconvenient"
"When my mom yelled at me for being depressed. She was saying how rude and inconvenient it is for everyone around me that I was depressed. She was screaming so hard that her face was all red. She screamed at me frequently. She would always wait until I was in the car with her because I would be unable to leave. I stopped talking to her after that and she played the victim."
"She apparently was suffering because she was 'abandoned by her daughter.' No one in my family wanted to hear my side of things, no one reached out to check in on me. I was made out to be th bad selfish daughter. Now, I don't have a relationship with anyone in my family. I cut both my parents off after I realized they both will not change or get help or see they ever did anything wrong. It's been tough to deal with the emotions of it all, especially the emotions I felt when I was younger and in their care. I've been working on it with therapy for a few years now. But it's been a necessary decision for me to cut those ties. So I can focus on myself and my growth and healing the parts of me that have been broken from my past."
"Be Mean"
"I was 9 and I was really nice to poor guy selling shirts out of the back of his truck. My dad pulled me away and told me directly 'it's great to be nice to people, Chris, but be mean too. You want people to be a little scared of you.'"
"Even at 9 I was like 'bruh that's not... Great' and it really was an interaction that shaped our relationship. I went on to teach, have a vibrant friend group (every year a dozen of us meet up for new years and were in the 10th year this year!), and generally I love people. It's in my work and in every fibre of my life."
"He... Died alone of an overdose about 10 years ago. The funeral would've been basically empty if not for all the friends who came to console me."
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.