We've said it before, but being awkward is a full time job.
Once words come out of your mouth, you can never take them back. You will wake up in the middle of the night for ages afterward, thinking about the most awkward thing you for some reason decided to say in that moment.
u/Blaez97 asked:
What was your "I should NOT have said that" moment?
Here were some of those answers.
Not My Finest Work
Found myself matching pace with a cute guy on campus. Feeling flirtatious, I yelled out, "On your mark, get set, GO!" and then took of running, thinking he'd join me.
Instead, he called out, "You'll win!" and pointed out the cane he was walking with, that I failed to notice.
This Wasn't So Bad
Mom went to high school with the owner of a local funeral home.
As she and I were leaving a wake at the parlor, the undertaker said:
"Hope to see you again soon."
I replied, "Upright, I hope." At which point, Mom gave me the look!
Never Assume Pregnancy
Not me, but my friend. Soooo glad not me.
Another acquaintance of ours had recently had a baby. Like six months before. She hadn't lost the baby weight, and in fact, it looked like her stomach really hadn't gone down much from when she was pregnant.
So my friend goes up to her and says, "Oh you're having another baby!" and she touches her stomach.
Girl says: "No, I'm just fat."
Then my friend doubles down and says, "No...you're definitely pregnant, right?"
Girl says, "Seriously, no just fat."
Like she wouldn't have known if she was pregnant. Gaawwwd. I still cringe.
Shouldn' 'Ave Said Tha'
Wanted gf to come over but didn't wanna drive, wanted to uber her to me. She complained about not wearing makeup and feeling fat and asked me if she gained weight. I didn't think she gained weight and thought that was obvious and that she was fishing for compliments. So, I, being the comedic genius I am, thought it would be funny to say "No worries, that's what Uber XL is for."
BIG hagrid moment.
The Worst Of The Worst Faux Pas
My mom's twin brother passed away and before her brother died, she got a necklace with her brother's name on it. She looked at it and said "he will live on through this necklace" and my stupid @$$ said "No, he's gonna live on as dust in a jar"
I should not have said that
I should NOT have said that
Gaming Jokes About Papa
My dad had been deceased for years, a friend of mine lost his recently... I went up to him at work, leaning over his cubicle as the manager walked by. I said "I used to tell dad jokes, but now he's dead" He was shocked at first but began to laugh because he too enjoys that humor. Well.. the manager couldn't believe how cold I was. She insisted I apologize to him, to which I turned to him and to prove he wasn't offended or bothered, I told my manager that his dad was lame for not having dropped any loot when he died.
Le woops.
Friend is trying hard not to laugh, tears emerging. Everyone else in their cubicles mortified at my joke. I was insisted to take the rest of the day off.
There are people who aren't monsters for liking this kind of joke.
Swallowing Your Foot
A female friend of mine – to whom I was admittedly attracted – had been expressing her reservations about an upcoming vacation with her family. Though it wasn't being overtly presented as such, the trip was meant as a way of re-solidifying her parents' marriage, which had been a touch rocky at the time. They would all be driving from San Francisco to Redding (which is a small town in the middle of absolutely nowhere in Northern California), where they'd stay at a bed-and-breakfast inn for a weekend before continuing northward for some unknown destination.
In keeping with the alleged purpose of this so-called vacation, my friend's parents had booked two rooms at the inn. To her dismay, though, the young woman discovered that her mother would be occupying one room, her father would have the other, and that she and her sister would each have to bunk with one of their parents. This was worthy of lament on its own, but it was made unforgivably worse by the verbal diarrhea that I offered in an attempt at providing comfort:
"Aw, it won't be so bad!" I told my friend. "Your father will probably enjoy sleeping with you."
A moment passed before I realized what I had said. Then, with a feeling of growing horror, I tried to explain myself. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that!" I hurriedly said. "I mean, like, he's probably sick of sleeping with your mom. No, wait, I mean... I just mean that he wants to spend some quality time with his daughter."
If I had stopped there, I might have been able to salvage the situation... but as it happened, I decided that the best course of action would be to keep talking. "I can't say that I blame him, really. I'd love to sleep with you."
She and I don't talk much these days.
Genuinely Didn't Mean That!
I used to work for Research In Motion during the fun times before the iPhone stole their lunch.
I get an email from the higher ups saying something is wrong with one of the activation reports, way down despite all other indicators looking fine.
I take a look and find out that the report wasn't including all the carrier specific colours we'd introduced, so we had 'red' but not 'T-Mobile Crimson' or 'Sprint Fuschia' and so on.
I group all the carrier colours in and I'm surprised at how many variants of the colour black there are, Onyx, Obsidian, Slate, Jet Black, Pitch Black and on and on.
I yell to my coworker a few cubicles over 'Eric, check out all the blacks over here!'
HR let me off with a warning.
As Big As A Boulder
When I was in college, my boyfriend had a serious chip on his shoulder due to the fact that my parents were able to help me financially more than his could help him. My freshman year, my parents told me that they would rather I didn't get a part time job and simply focus on adjusting to university. Obviously, I respected their decision.
As an adopted child, I'm incredibly grateful to have parents to begin with, much less ones that were willing to help me financially during my young adulthood. They didn't have to do that. Therefore, I was always very lowkey about my financial standing. Kept it to myself. Didn't want to brag. Tried to be very aware of the fact that most young adults are not that lucky.
This didn't matter to my boyfriend at the time. He'd make constant digs about how "spoiled" I was, and didn't understand what the "real world" was like. Now, this infuriated me. As an ex-foster kid, I completely understand what the "real world" is like. One night, I got my grades back, and found out I made Deans List. I texted him and told him I wanted to celebrate. He responded with, "I could make Deans List too if my parents paid for everything and all I had to worry about was spending time in the library."
I responded with, "I'm sorry that my parents have their priorities straight and decided that providing for my secondary education was more important to them than getting drunk and partying every single weekend. I get its upsetting that your parents obviously couldn't make that same commitment to you, but that's not my fault."
For context: His parents were upper middle class, but decided NOT to help their kids out in young adulthood because they had this "you need to learn the hard way to be responsible for your finances"... even though they themselves spent every weekend getting wasted, spending way too much money at random clubs and bars. I was tired of him taking his frustrations with his own parents out on me.
Nope, Not The Dog
I was making my first appearance at a family dinner of an ex gf's. Her uncle was telling everybody that his wife and 'coco' had just gone on a holiday to Spain.
Me: "oh cool she brought the dog with her?"
Uncle : "No..... Coco is our daughters name"
I think the family are glad I'm now an ex
We all have our favorite movie stars, whose presence alone is what leads us to see certain films.
However, even the greatest actors aren't immune to delivering some sub-par performances.
Particularly, when they found themselves in roles for which they were less than ideally suited.
Indeed, Kevin Coster is anything but authentically English in Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves, nor do Leonardo DiCaprio or Cameron Diaz sound convincingly Irish in Gangs of New York.
Mickey Rooney playing a Japanese man in full yellow-face, hitting every racist stereotype possible in Breakfast at Tiffany's being among the most infamous examples of miscasting.
"Which actor was truly miscast in a particular role?"
Who Says Wizards Can't Be From New York?
"Ray Liotta in the 'Dungeon Siege' movie."
"He plays an evil wizard and he literally just looks like he walked off the set of a gangster movie like 'Goodfellas'."
"It's pretty hilarious."- nvaughan81
Yellow Face Is Never OK...
"John Wayne as Genghis Khan."- Spodson
"Mickey Rooney as Yunioshi in 'Breakfast at Tiffany’s'."- nobodysbestfriendd
Sadly Not At All The Worst Thing About This Movie...
"Gary Oldman as a dwarf in 'Tiptoes', also starring Peter Dinklage."- B0BA_F33TT
GiphyEven Fictional Actors Can Be Miscast...
"Vincent Chase [from Entourage] as 'Pablo Escobar'."- snailwitch11
"Tugg Speedman [from Tropic Thunder] as Simple Jack."- Anal_Punisher69
Animated GIFGiphySomeone Needs To Choose Their Roles More Carefully
"Mark Wahlberg as Sully in the 'Uncharted' movie."- solarShep
"Mark Wahlberg in 'Transformers'."
"The buff guy from Mass is an inventor in Texas?"- DrugsRBadMan
Making The Villain As Good Or Better Looking Than The Hero Is A Choice...
"I think of Marwan Kenzari as Jafar in the new 'Aladdin'."
"Jafar was a creepy, old man and they cast a handsome younger man."
"He was not at all intimidating, I don't feel they gave him very good lines."
"Someone early on had made a joke that the poster for the movie looked like a porn parody and I couldn't get that out of my head whenever I saw Jafar."- jorbal4256
GiphyBut How Do You Really Feel?
"Steven Seagal as an action star."- sealox
Didn't Have Much More Luck As Batman...
"Ben Affleck as 'Daredevil'."
"The script was bad and that can take a lot of the blame."
"However Affleck still moves around like his spine is fused, while trying to portray one of the more nimble characters in marvel."- apandarelic
Best Left Forgotten
"Almost the entire cast of the 'The Last Airbender' movie."
"I agree that it could've made a decent movie if it wasn't for M.N.Shyamalan as director, but Idk."
"I found the whole bending and the effects were actually not bad (except fire bending that looked awful to me) and I also liked the soundtrack."
"But compared to the nickelodeon show it's..well..can't be compared."
GiphyThe World Was Definitely Not Enough To Justify This Casting...
"Denise Richards, the nuclear scientist in that James Bond movie."- jomarthecat
"Paul Rudd as the a**hole husband in Night at The Museum."
"If you watch that movie while imagining that Ben Stiller and Paul Rudd's roles were reversed, it would be so much better."
"'Night at The Museum' is secretly a Paul Rudd movie."- rh3toricalanswer
Impossible Shoes To Fill... But Someone Could Have Filled Them Better...
"Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates."
"But only a complete nutter would remake Psycho in the first place."- TaxApprehensive3051
GiphySometimes, a script is just so good, that an actor simply isn't able to say no.
Despite knowing how wrong they are for the role.
But it's a sign of integrity when any actor knows their limitations, or what's right, and passes on a role knowing there must be someone better suited for the part.
...Seriously though, were there really NO English actors available to play Robin Hood?....
As long as we paid even the slightest attention during history class, we all know the basic history of World War II.
There are, of course, some historians who learn even more minute details of the history of World War II, possibly even having the opportunity to speak to veterans and Holocaust survivors, of which very few remain today.
However, even the most die-hard history buffs find themselves surprised by some information that isn't common knowledge—things your history teacher might neglect to mention in class, but are worthy of being known by everyone regardless.
"What is a WW2 fact everyone should know?"
The Göring Brothers
"The story of the Göring brothers is mind blowing."
"Hermann Göring was a high ranking Nazi party member."
"He was head of the Luftwaffe and he was designated to be Hitler's successor after the world was conquered and Hitler eventually died."
"His brother was Albert Göring."
"Albert was staunchly Anti-Nazi."
"Albert saw the regime for what it was, brutal, horrible, murdering racists."
"He especially objected to the treatment of the Jewish people."
"Albert would actually use the fact of who his brother was to get out of trouble for helping Jews escape."
"He would do things like drive a transport truck to the camps or ghettos where they were held, and demand to be given multiple people for work, or whatever excuse he would give."
"When he got resistance, he would drag out 'Do you know who my brother is? NOW BRING THEM TO ME!'."
"He would then drive them to safety and release them."
"He once saw a bunch of Jewish women being forced to scrub a street, so he hopped down on his knees and joined them."
"When the Nazi officer realized who he was, the scrubbing stopped."
"He did many things like this."
"Saving Jews from almost certain death."
"Defying the party."
"Defying his brother."
"Again, using his brothers political clout to derail Nazi objectives."
"And then, he gets captured, at the end of the war, and is going to be killed with the other captives, because OF COURSE Göring's brother must be Nazi scum."
"By sheer dumb luck, a person in charge of processing his termination paperwork was a Jew he saved!"
"That person spoke up, and many others did, and he was set free."
"After the war, Albert Göring was questioned during the Nuremberg Tribunal."
"However, many of those he had helped testified for him, and he was released."
"Soon afterwards, Göring was arrested by the Czechs, but he was again released when the full extent of his activities became known."
"Also, after his divorce post war, he ‘married’ his housekeeper solely so she could receive his pension after his death."- Goatmanthealien
Disney Propoganda
"Disney made a number of propaganda cartoons."
"A funny one, depicting Donald Duck living in a caricaturized Third Reich, and a serious one, depicting a German child being raised and systematically brainwashed by the Nazi regime."- Obamas_Tie
Plane Production
"The United States produced 150% more planes in 1944 alone than Japan did in the whole war."- SuvenPan
The Truth Behind Japan
"Purple Hearts given out today by the US were manufactured for the invasion of Japan."- Steve_the_Samurai
Horrific Torture
'Zyklon B, the brand of cyanide used by the nazis to kill in the concentration camps, had a tearing agent in it (basically tear gas)."
"This is because it was used as a rat poison, and the idea was to get people to go away from it."
"The nazis asked the manufacturer to remove it, but they didn't, because they were concerned about losing revenue without that patent."
'So they kept it in, causing much more unnecessary misery and pain than if they just used cyanide."
"X 6 million people."- scrubjays
The True Rise To Power Of The Nazis
"Even though it appears that way to a lot of people, the Nazis did not come to power in one night or even over a short amount of time."
"There were months and years of events that lead to the Nazi takeover of Germany, and years between that takeover and the outbreak of the war."- citanXV
Witold Pilecki
"Witold Pilecki was a polish soldier who purposefully got himself put into Auschwitz so he could report on the atrocities inside."
"He helped other people inside the concentration camp by asking for more food for them, to release them, etc."
"In 1945 he made his report in Auschwitz available to the public."
"He continued to work on liberating those who were inside Auschwitz and died in 1948 via execution."- gaynflamboyant
The Sten Gun Poem
"The Sten gun was hated amongst troops so much a poem was written about it:"
"You wicked piece of vicious tin!"
"Call you a gun?"
"Don't make me grin."
"You're just a bloated piece of pipe."
"You couldn't hit a hunk of tripe."
"But when you're with me in the night, I'll tell you pal, you're just alright!"
"Each day I wipe you free of dirt."
"Your dratted corners tear my shirt."
"I cuss at you and call you names, You're much more trouble than my dames."
"But boy, do I love to hear you yammer When you 're spitting lead in a business manner."
"You conceited pile of salvage junk."
"I think this prowess talk is bunk."
"Yet if I want a wall of lead Thrown at some Jerry's head It is to you I raise my hat."
"You're a damn good pal... You silly gat!"- Imaginary_Fennel6772·
Forgotten Covert Missions
"The US Office of Strategic Services (predecessor to the CIA) devised a plan to demoralize Nazi troops by having French Resistance members secretly spray Nazi officers with the equivalent of military grade fart spray."
"The plan, in theory, was that German troops would think their commander sh*t himself and that would lessen their will to fight."
"So there's that."- __Arty__
The Sinking of the MV Gustloff
"The January 31, 1945 sinking of the MV Gustloff."
"It was a German passenger ship taking fleeing refugees from the eastern front."
"The Soviets downed it in the Baltic sea shortly after it launched."
"The total death toll is unknown because there were so many stowaways but it was at least 9,000, making it the largest maritime disaster in known history."
"It didn't get a lot of press because for the Allies the Germans were the enemy so who cares, and the Nazis certainly didn't want to talk about it because they're in the waning days of a losing war and the last thing they needed was another hit to their already sinking morale."- llcucf80
Nazi Boobytraps
"When in retreat, the Nazis would boobytrap pictures on the walls and leave them slightly crooked."
"They did this to entice officers to straighten them and set off an explosion."- Swizli
World War II lasted from 1939 till 1945.
Even the most dedicated of scholars will continue to learn new information which will surprise and horrify them as records are declassified.
We must always remember all the brave men and women who risked their lives, and whose lives were cut cruelly short.
Now that everyone has access to the internet, it's a lot easier to learn a bunch of stuff ... about a bunch of stuff.
But some people take great delight in deep dives on Wikipedia, and that can lead to a lot of completely random knowledge.
Redditor majdi105 asked:
"What is a completely random fact?"
Blue Blood
"Octopi have blue blood. This is due to their blood containing copper, as opposed to human blood, which contains iron."
"Additionally, as I know someone will bring it up, there are actually multiple correct ways to pluralize octopus. Octopi originates from the Latin pluralization, octopodes originates from the Greek pluralization, and octopuses uses the standard English pluralization."
- ultrasquid9
Fun With Weights And Measures
"A one-pound mixture of U.S. dimes, quarters, and half-dollars will always have a face value of $20, no matter the ratio of dimes to quarters to half-dollars."
- ScottRiqui
"I want to test this but if I go to the bank and ask for a pound of dimes, a pound of quarters, and a pound of half dollars and they don't give it to me in canvas bags with dollar signs on them I'm gonna be real disappointed."
- wandering_ones
"Math checks out. Half dollar is 11.340 g. A quarter is 5.670 g (half the weight and value of a half dollar). A dime is 2.268 g (one-fifth the weight and value of a half dollar). So this isn't unique to $20, but actually any amount of money."
- sputnik1288
This Is Why English Is Hard
"All the C's in 'Pacific Ocean' are pronounced differently."
- Xuntosub
"Love this one, think about it every time I see the words written somewhere"
- taken_us3rname
Heh...Poop
"When you say the word "poop" your lips do the same thing your bottyhole does when you go poop...there. there's a random fact"
- Slay9402
Dictionaries Are Descriptive, Not Prescriptive
"Dictionaries add words not because of worthiness but because of vernacular. If people use the word, then people need to have a way to look it up. It doesn’t matter if you like the word 'crunk' or not"
- typesett
"That word sounds pretty cromulent to me"
- Gaskii
"The comment embiggened my knowledge."
- MacduffFifesNo1Thane
No More Beeps
"Press and hold the # 2 button for about three or four seconds on your microwave to silence the beeping noise. Press and hold it again to turn the noise back on. Works on most microwave ovens. Works like a mute button."
- wyoflyboy68
That's A Lot Of Consonants
"Knightsbridge is the only station on the London Underground to contain six consecutive consonants in its name."
- beeteedee
The Shape Is Important
"Manhole covers are round so they don’t fall in the hole."
- hobanwash1
"They’re also not the only shape that has that property. A Reuleaux triangle can’t fall in."
- davesoverhere
We Were Lied To
"1 horse has about 15 horsepower"
- Businessmoney123
Runways
"Airport runways are numbered based on the magnetic direction they face, rounded to the nearest tenth. Over time as earth’s magnetic field shifts they occasionally have to renumber a runway."
- WakeMeForSourPatch
"Yep and when there's 2 runways that are parallel like at LAX or SFO you end up with something like 28L and 28R for runway 28 Left and Right"
- arent_you_hungry
Science Is Awesome
"if you burn steel wool it gets heavier"
- Josef_45
"Because it's reacting with the oxygen in the air and the resulting oxide includes the mass of oxygen?"
- didijxk
"And you can light it .... with a 9volt battery, even when wet."
- therealtidbits
Not Quite A Rattle
"rattlesnake tails don't actually have anything in them. They're segmented loosely, so the entire thing just kinda flops around. what you're hearing is the individual segments banging into each other."
- FireInHisBlood
What's In A Name?
"The actual name for a butt crack is 'intergluteal cleft.'"
- Gerbilflange
"This would be a kick-ass rock band name."
- Evening_Dress5743
Mountain Facts
"The Appalachian Mountains and the Scottish Highlands are part of the same mountain chain."
- beanomly
"The Appalachian Mountains are older than the rings of Saturn. A lot older."
- Carbon_McCoy
We're Bad At Naming Things
"A mountain chicken is not a chicken. It's a type of frog."
- drywall_punching
Do you have a friend who is a fount of seemingly random knowledge, or are you the fact friend?
We need all kinds to make the world go round. This includes all kinds of people with all kinds of skillsets to do all kinds of jobs.
However, some jobs just aren't needed.
Sometimes it's because the occupation itself is silly. Other times, it's because the company went under or switched directions, but kept paying you for a job that no longer existed.
Whatever the case, Redditors have lots of stories about useless jobs and why they are considered useless, and are ready to share.
It all stared when Redditor Squirrelkid11 asked:
"What job is useless?"
Woof Woof
"Pet Psychic. Our Golden Retriever was getting joint therapy (shoulder injury, worked with a vet, dog did swimming three days a week in a heated pool where he could exercise without putting weight on the joint, also did some exercises, is now fine. The place also did laser therapy and acupuncture for dogs.)"
"Someone said something about 'Hudson' which is our dog's name only they were talking to another dog. 'Oh,' they said, 'That's the dog psychic's dog.' Apparently you could find out what your dog was thinking."
"I know what my dog is thinking. Most of the time he either wants what I'm eating or he wants me to throw the ball."
– LucasBN2
"I'm a pet psychic too, but unfortunately I can't speak dog. Whole lot of woofing going on in their heads though."
– Herzeleid-
Falling To The Wayside
"I once filed charges against my employer for an unethical issue that happened. Attorneys were involved and it was ugly for about 2 weeks. I had all job assignments taken away while the investigation was conducted. In the middle of the investigation is when covid took off and the world went into a tailspin."
"Everyone who was involved with my issue/charge just started exiting the company and I just never had any duties given back to me. I stayed in that role for 6 months without anyone ever questioning what I did. I would come into work, and make a lap around the site, take an hour lunch and come and go as I wanted."
"It was a fortune 500 and they just lost track of who I was or what I was doing. I was working on a project team and everyone just assumed my direction came from someone else. At one point the company slashed 20% of the salaried workforce and I never heard a word."
"When I left the company for an external opportunity they gave me a sizable exit package to resolve my charge and a wonderful review. It was the worst of times due to the anxiety of always expecting the worst, and the best of times because I was just coming and going with no direction or expectations of any kind."
– eedlez67
"I've had something similar to this happen myself. I wasn't paid, though."
"I'm an off-site subcontractor for a huge corporation. Huge, as in, not just one building at headquarters, it was an entire campus spread over 20 buildings. I work from home."
"So I'm a subcontractor, not an actual employee. And I need to go to HQ for a week of hands-on work that can't be done at home."
"The hands-on work required access to a server room. And the server room was locked, you needed a passcard to get in. So for the first day or two, I'd have to bug an employee to let me back into the server room after going to the bathroom, or to lunch."
"Plus, I had nowhere to "work". Nowhere to set up my laptop and actually get work done. There were no desks/chairs in the server room."
"So some low-level executive got the bright idea, let's get whomp a temporary badge and passcard to access the server room without bugging anyone else, and let's let whomp set up in one of those empty, unoccupied offices."
"The intent was for this to be temporary, but the corporate wheel started moving...."
"All of a sudden, overnight, that unoccupied office got all the things that a new hire would get. Staplers, monitors, file folders, pens, pencils, desk blotter. A binder showed up with company handbook, policies, maps, and so on."
"The next day, the office had MY NAME on it. A BRASS PLAQUE on the door had my name on it. And a phone was installed, and the office assistant came over to show me how to use it. I had a voicemail mailbox that now belonged to me. A laptop was issued to me. I was shown how to access the shared printer."
"My week ended, and I went back home, cross country."
"For MONTHS, "my office" was still there! I'd ask friends who worked there, to go check, and my office was still there. Others working nearby thought I was just traveling a lot. My voicemail stayed active for months too. To everyone's understanding, I was an employee who just happened to work odd hours, or something."
"About eight months later someone figured out the mistake."
– whomp1970
Ring, Ring
"Telemarketers, I don’t know a single person who has actually purchased something from a telemarketer. Maybe it’s something the older generation does but everyone hates them and immediately hangs up on them around me."
– Administrative_Toe96
"I don't even answer my phone when friends call."
– mscocobongo
"I worked as a telemarketer for State Farm when I got out of high school, and in 8 months I had one person actually let me give her a quote. It was my aunt."
– YoutubeRewind2024
What Did The Sign Say?
"No one is talking about those sign spinners that became popular."
"Who has ever seen someone flipping a sign and"
- "been able to read it"
- "went to the business to buy something because of it"
– Oshester
Privacy Please
"Bathroom attendants. I don’t need somebody in there pulling paper towels out the dispenser just to hand it to me and compel me to tip them."
– Ozzy_HV
"I never saw this until I was visiting Ireland a few years back, and man, was it f*cking annoying."
"It's bad enough there's a guy standing at the sinks watching you have a leak, but then he wants a euro or two for handing you a towel to dry your hands."
– Fresh-Hedgehog1895
Ouch!
"Influencers"
– sugarkiwipie
"What's the difference between a social media influencer and a philosophy major?"
"The philosophy major needed a degree to be useless."
"(Sorry philosophy majors)"
– Actuaryba
Pressing Buttons
"An elevator attendant."
"“First floor sir? I’ll press button number 1 for you.”"
– Carl_Clegg
"I’m so old I remember when they had these in department stores. Whilst shopping with my grandma one day we got in an elevator and the attendant asked if we wanted the second floor. My grandma replies, “why yes, how did you know?” He says, “ma’am, there’s only two floors, and we’re currently on the first one.”"
– Penguin_Dreams
Office Matron
"The lady who walks around the office saying "Don't be on your phones, if you have time for that then you can study about the company!""
"Same lady that is pushing hard to go back in the office, because remote work pointed out how useless that position is."
– digitalmofo
"We had that lady at my old job. She would put passive aggressive laminated signs in the bathroom about cleaning up after yourself. Since she's an idiot (big surprise) most of the signs had major spelling mistakes. Some coworkers and I would edit them and give an overall grade on the signs, usually with a note that said "Subpar work. Please see me after class.""
– tallhorsemusic
Tempting Fate
"I took a job scheduling residential HVAC technicians for a mid-sized company after a few years of working in the field. A few months in, the company ended its residential program to focus on commercial."
"Thing is, they already had commercial schedulers. My boss told me she'd find me a new roll, but then she took another job elsewhere and left."
"I stayed as a scheduler with no one to schedule in a department that no longer existed. No one in the office seemed to realize this, and for over half a decade, I would show up, make friendly conversation in the breakroom while making my coffee, and then literally just did nothing the rest of the day. Having left a stressful job, it was glorious."
"Occasionally someone would ask me an hvac or system-related question over email, and that was it. I made sure everyone liked me by bringing in bagels every Monday and donuts every Friday."
"Then covid happened and now I was doing nothing at home!"
"When I learned the company was being sold, I figured I wouldn't tempt fate anymore and applied elsewhere. My department head gave a glowing recommendation, having no idea what I even did but knowing I was friendly and helped him jump his car a few times."
– Belozersk
Got A Car? You're Safe!
"We have a specific security guard we've had for 13+ years now and is pretty useless. The security guard lives there and has a tv. He watches telenovelas most of the time."
"All he does is open the gate, and doesn't even bother to even inspect though, since according to his logic 99% of people who can afford a car aren't bad/harmful people. He doesn't ask names or house numbers, just opens the gate whenever he sees a car."
"Anyone can come in if they have a car, he doesn't even inspect faces."
"And do you know the worst part?"
"When moving into the privada, you are supplied with your own control remote. The gates are also automatic."
– Chandler367
"So he only opens the gate for anyone who doesn't live there..? Yikes"
– spencerandy16
Teach Me Tonight
"My math teacher who tells me to log in to Pearson and then disappears"
– NethrixTheSecond
"21st century version of"
"here's today's packet, it's based on chapter 4 in the text book, good luck" *plays solitaire for an hour"
– TitanicMan
"I dropped a university class this term because the week 3 assignment said to 'look up how to do this on Google, Stackexchange, or ChatGPT'."
"I'm not paying 1400 dollars to be taught by an ai chat bot lmao"
– 303Devilfish
The sad thing is, teaching is one of the least useless jobs out there.
Maybe if we paid them better, they'd want to be better!